The Magic Bus - Part One

People often ask me,

"Martin, how on earth did you end up owning a bright pink double-decker bus?"

The truth is...

I wasn't looking for one.

I wasn't planning to buy one.

In fact, I'd only gone out for pie and mash.

What happened next changed my life.

And that's where this story begins.

Transcript

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People often ask me, Martin, how on earth did you end up owning a bright pink double-decker bus? The truth is, I wasn't looking for one. I wasn't planning to buy one. In fact, I'd only gone out for pie and mash. What happened next changed my life. And that's where this story begins.

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The Magic Bus Part One.

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Chapter One Pie, Mash and a Double Decker Bus. You know when you wake up one morning and suddenly fancy treating yourself to something nice to eat, but you just can't put your finger on it. Your mind starts running through all the usual choices. The cafe, a Chinese takeaway, the local baker's. Or perhaps just a nice greasy kebab from the shop on the corner. But nothing quite hits a spot. Then, out of nowhere, I thought of pie and mash. Oh yes, I thought. That's it. Two lovely crispy pies, a generous helping of mash, plenty of liqueur, and a nice mug of sweet tea. Perfect, decision made. Little did I know that by the end of the day, instead of coming home with nothing more than a full stomach, I'd somehow end up buying something else. After getting myself ready, I headed down to Bromley High Street for my pie and mash. I ordered my pies, mash, plenty of liquor, and of course, a mug of sweet tea. I grabbed one of the daily tabloids from the newspaper rack and settled down for lunch. As I flicked through the paper, something caught my eye. Spread right across the centre pages was a feature about this bloke from Essex, who'd bought a couple of old double decker buses and converted them into mobile hotels. I remember thinking Blimey, that's a bit different. According to the article, he hired them out as mobile accommodation, and by the sound of it, business was booming. Not that I had the slightest intention of doing anything like that myself, I just thought it was a clever idea. Different, enterprising, and getting himself featured in one of the country's biggest newspapers certainly wouldn't have done his business any harm. I folded the paper, finished my tea, and thought no more about it. Or so I thought. After lunch, I headed off towards Rotherhythe for work. As I drove past the vehicle auction rooms in Deptford, something immediately caught my eye as I crossed over the bridge. Towering above the rows of cars was the unmistakable double deck of a bright pink double decker bus. You couldn't really miss it if you tried. I'd only been reading about double decker buses less than an hour earlier, and now here was one sitting in an auction yard. What were the chances? Curiosity got the better of me, so I pulled in. As I wandered over to one of the auctioneers, I asked, Hello, mate, what's the story with that bus? Funny you should ask, he replied. It went through the auction last night, but didn't make its reserve. Oh, really? Yeah, either the council will come over and collect it later, or we'll put it back through in next week's auction. Looking through the paperwork, he added, The reserve's fifteen hundred quid. Highest bid last night was only about a thousand. I looked back at the bus. Apparently it belonged to Hammersmith and Fulham Council, and had been converted into a travelling play bus for local children. It certainly wasn't something you expected to find sitting in the corner of the auction yard. I'll tell you what, the auctioneer said. I'll ring the council and see what they'd take for it, if you're genuinely interested. Yeah, I paused. I think I might just be. Looking back now, I honestly don't know what possessed me. Maybe it was an impulse by, or perhaps that newspaper article had planted a seed in my mind. Whatever it was, my life was about to change. As I stood there looking at the bus, what on earth was I think? It was bright pink, enormous, and completely impractical. Yet somehow I just couldn't take my eyes off it. A few minutes later, the auctioneer returned. Right then, he said. Do you want to make them an offer? Knowing the highest bid the previous evening had only reached a thousand pounds, I decided to push my luck. I'll give em twelve hundred. Hang on, he said. I'll ring em back. Off he went. Those ten minutes felt like an hour. I kept looking over at the bus, half hoping they'd refuse my offer. Eventually the auctioneer came back with a smile on his face. Congratulations, mate, he said. You've just bought yourself a double decker bus. I just stared at him. He couldn't be serious. Only a couple of hours earlier I'd been enjoying a plate of pine mash. Now I owned a bright pink double decker bus. Reality hit me like a brick. Where was I going to park it? How was I going to get it home? I'd never even driven anything that big before. What on earth had I done? The auctioneer must have seen the expression on my face. What's up? he asked. I've just realized something, I said. I've just bought a double decker bus, but I haven't got the faintest idea how I'm going to get it home. He laughed. Where do you live then? Sydney, I replied, just up near Forest Hill. Oh, that's easy, he said. One of my drivers doesn't live that far from there. Once you paid for it, I'll get him to drive it over and drop it outside your house in the morning. Just bung him a few quid for a mini cab home. I couldn't believe my luck. Seriously? Yeah, he smiled. No problem. That was one problem solved. I made the bank transfer, signed the paperwork, and drove home in a daze. I honestly couldn't stop thinking about what I'd just done. When I'd got out of bed that morning, all I'd wanted was a decent plate of pie and mash. Now I owned a bright pink double decker bus. Life really can change in the strangest ways. The following morning, at about ten o'clock, the doorbell rang. I opened the front door. There it was, my bus. The driver climbed down from the cab with a grin on his face. Morning, mate, he said. Where do you want it? I froze. I spent all night thinking about the thing, but not once had I thought about where I was going to put it. My driveway wasn't even close to being big enough. After a few minutes of scratching our heads, we found a temporary space just up the road where it wouldn't get in anyone's way. He parked it up, showing me the unique features to start it and how the battery isolator worked. I stood on the pavement, watching him disappear off in the minicab. Then I turned around. There it was, a full size double decker bus. Mine. I walked around it slowly, still smiling to myself. I climbed aboard. That's when I realized I'd bought far more than just an old bus. Inside, it was nothing like I'd expected. From the outside it looked like an old double decker that had seen better days. It was a Regent V, originally registered in nineteen fifty seven as SDX sixty one, making it well over half a century old by the time I bought it. Inside, it was a completely different story. This wasn't just an old bus. It was a travelling play center. The upstairs had transformed into a giant play area. Most of the seats had been removed to make space, and light in the middle of the floor was an enormous deflated, inflatable slide. It was designed to feed through a large hatch in the side of the top deck before being inflated all the way down to the ground. When it was opened, the inflatable slide could be fed through the opening, inflated and stretched all the way down to the ground. I could just imagine the children climbing the stairs, throwing themselves onto the slide, then racing back round to do it all over again. Downstairs was just as impressive. The passenger seats had been replaced with cupboards, storage units, little tables and play equipment. Everything had been designed to make the best possible use of all the available space. The more I looked around, the more surprises I found. Built into one of the external lockers was a professionally installed heating unit that supplied warm air through the entire bus. In effect, it had central heating. Even back then I reckoned it must have cost a small fortune to buy and install. Now that I'd got it home, finding somewhere to park the bus was my biggest problem. Even in the short time it had been sitting outside my house, it had become the talk of the neighborhood. People slowed down as they drove past. Children stopped on their way home from school to have a look. Some even tried the door to see if they could get inside. To be fair, I couldn't really blame them. It wasn't every day a bright pink double decker with Hammersmith and Fulham Council play bus plastered down both sides turned up in the middle of a quiet residential street. I knew it couldn't stay there for long. Then something unexpected happened. I started making a few phone calls to find out what was involved in keeping the bus on the road. I was expecting bad news. Instead, I got one good surprise after another. The first was about the insurance. Because of the bus's age, it qualified as a vintage vehicle, so I was quoted just £200 a year for fully comprehensive cover. Unbelievably, I was paying more to insure my little van than the bus. I nearly fell off my chair. Then I discovered it didn't even need an MOT, because it was built in 1957, it qualified as a historic vehicle. I couldn't believe it. You'd think something that size and that age would need an even stricter inspection. And then it got even better still. It was also exempt from paying vehicle excise duty. I stood there shaking my head. Less than twenty four hours earlier, I'd been wondering whether to have pie and mash or a Chinese takeaway. Now I owned a fully insured double decker bus that didn't need an MOT or road tax, and only cost a couple of hundred pounds a year to insure. It almost seemed too good to be true. The final surprise came when I made a few more inquiries about driving it. To my amazement, I was told I could legally drive the bus or my existing car driving license, provided it carried no more than eight passenger seats. The biggest thing I'd ever driven was a little Ford Escort van. Now I was standing beside a full size double decker bus, holding the keys in my hand. There was only one thing left to do. I had to take it for a drive. For the next few days I checked on the bus every morning before heading off to work. Everything seemed fine. Then, on the third day, I walked up the road and immediately knew something was wrong. Stuck across the front windscreen was a large bright yellow notice. As I got closer, my heart sank. In bold black letters it read This vehicle is untaxed and will be removed in seven days. I just stood there in amazement. Oh, you've got to be kidding me, I muttered. Here we go again. I've been here before. I'd only own the bus for a few days, and already the council wanted to tow it away. I got straight on the phone. Look, I said. There's been a mistake. The bus isn't untaxed, it's exempt from vehicle excise duty because of its age. It doesn't require an MOT, and it's fully insured. There was a short silence. We'll have to make a few inquiries, the council officer replied. We'll check the details with the DVLA to make sure everything you've told us is correct. Fair enough, I said. Just before he ended the call, he started laughing. To be honest with you, mate, he chuckled, I don't even think we've got a recovery truck big enough to tow the thing away anyway. I couldn't help laughing myself. He had a point. Even if they wanted to move it, they first had to work out how. I also opened another locker. Inside was a generator that powered all the electrical equipment on board. It suddenly dawned on me just how much money had been spent converting this bus. Every cupboard I opened seemed to reveal something else. The whole thing had been professionally built. For the price I'd paid, it was an unbelievable bargain. Then I noticed the registration number. SDX 61. Curious to find out more, I did a bit of digging into its history. I discovered the bus had originally come from Norwich, where it had been part of a matching pair, both finished in green and beige livery. The sister buses carried the registration SDX 61 and SDX 62 before one of them eventually found its way into the hands of Hammersmith and Fulham Council. It was there that my bus was transformed into a travelling play bus, bringing fun to children all over the borough. Somehow, that made it feel even more special. This wasn't just an old bus. It had a history, it had a purpose, and now it belonged to me. Looking back, all of this had started because I'd fancied pie and mash for lunch. If I hadn't driven up that road that day, I'd probably never have owned a double decker bus. Little did I know, the real adventure was only just beginning.