EPISODE#2 START BEFORE KNOWING THE HOW

You don’t need to know how , you need to start. This episode digs into building a business from scratch and learning to separate your fear from everyone else’s.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome. Welcome to episode two of Spilling the Milk. Spill the Milk. And I'm flying solo from my garden. Honestly, if you could see my view now, I'm just surrounded by green trees, a blue sky. How nice has this weather been? I could live in this weather all day long. And I could really procrastinate about recording this, but we're not going to do that. I haven't even changed. I'm still in this morning's gym where I haven't dyed my hair, needs doing. But this is a real podcast with real people and real stories and real messages. So it's not what I look like. There's no judgment here. It's the message that I have to share. And the topic that we're going to talk about today. So I'm going to try and keep it short. Actually, Lucy, it's 20 past four. Let's keep it to a 20 20-minute minimum because I can go off on a tangent. Um, just then spent me so I'm on my I'm on my own because Dan is doing a course this week, and obviously we've just launched the pod. Just really excited, and you guys have given so much feedback from uh the first episode, which we absolutely love. And I didn't really want to keep it two weeks, I didn't want to keep you guys hanging because like I'm in the momentum, I'm just kind of that person once I'm in the flow. I want to get going. Uh so I was like, Yeah, you know, just chuck me the tech. I am not tech savvy whatsoever, and it holds me back in so many places. Um, which is a story that I've created, but not anymore. So I was like, Dan, just you know, send me the mics. How hard can it be? I just start filming, I do this every day on my content, and uh yeah, 45 minutes could not get the mics to work, so here I am with my little cheapie, hoping it does the job, hoping you guys can hear me. Testing, testing one, two. Um, I think it was an Amazon jobby. Uh, so let's pray that this next 20 minutes isn't a failure and all records, and you can hear me loud and clear. Um, so yeah, welcome to episode two. The topic of today, and I always like to talk about like stuff that comes up in my life, and then when I feel into that, I feel a lot of people kind of reach out to me about the same topic, and I'm like, whoa, like the collective is we're kind of feeling the same thing, and the topic I want to talk about is when did we stop asking why? Why do we just take the answer as the final answer as adults? I mean, if you look back to when we were children, children constantly ask why, and as parents, if you are a parent yourself, you will feel like that is quite annoying and be like, stop asking me why, like this is the way it is. Well, no, like listen to what we're saying. They're asking why because they are so fucking curious about this world in their mind. Anything is possible because they are not yet conditioned, right? Anything is possible. I want to be Spider-Man, I want to be a mermaid, I want to be a princess. Why the hell would they think that they couldn't? Why? Why is that not possible? Why is that not achievable? So if you told them that they can't, their instant reaction is to ask why they want an explanation. And somewhere along the line, from children through the schooling system and conditioned and from experiences and parents and caregivers and friends, we stop asking that and we just take the answer as a final, which I find is really sad. Um, we lose that curiosity as adults, we lose the fun when we should have it like throughout our whole lifespan and it gets lost. I have got notes here by the way, because like I will I will go off on a tangent. Um so yeah, so it all it all stems back to business. Um, like if I had listened to everyone else's fears, um where would I be today? So if we roll back to two years ago, it'd be three years in January, I think. I worked for the council, very good job, very cushiony. I really enjoyed it. Um nice people, the majority nice people. And like I had my awakening, which if you don't, if you haven't had an awakening or you don't really know what I'm talking about, I don't know if this is what they call like midlife crisis, but I was just like, I am made for more than what I am currently doing, and in my body I physically feel like I need to go and pursue that, no matter what consequences were at the end of it, or who I had to make feel uncomfortable in order to get there. I just knew like this is this is not me, this is not my life, I need to do more. And I was working in a kitchen, so the whole PPE, which I've kind of had my whole life, which I do feel like not even just as a woman, but anyone in general, kind of strips you of your identity. Like you can't have makeup, you can't have nails. Not that I'm a girly girl anyway, like I've been self-employed nearly for years, and I don't really wear makeup, and I don't really my nails are banging, but I don't go and have pedicures or manicures regularly anymore. But the choice to, you know, like I wasn't allowed, there were so many rules that come with it, and there was no windows, there was no windows to see the light, to breathe in the air, to have that freedom, and it just kind of hit me of like I know it's paying my bills and it's helping towards the family home and run that, but I just don't want to do this anymore. And you could listen to other people that would maybe project their own fears onto you through love and safety because it would scare the shit out of them to do something like that, but it doesn't mean to say that you couldn't. So I was like at the time I was um doing online sales, um, had started 2020 just as COVID hit, um, was amazing, you know, to go online. So just having a sip of my grinded coffee. I'm now grinding my own coffee. Maybe I can link the grinder down below, but it's game changer. Um, yeah, so I just knew that I wanted more and I wanted to leave, so yeah, I made that decision. Online sales was going really well uh through consistency. I was doubling my wage in the council, and at the time in my marriage, uh you know, was it doable with both our wages coming in? And it was so in the January I left, and it was like, Fuck what have I done? Um, but no, like freedom was really exciting, and then very quickly, the same year in May, four or five months later, with that awakening came the rude awakening of I was meant for more in a different relationship and not in my marriage, and that relationship was the one with myself. Um, so that all happened, and then I was like, fuck, what do I do now? And because I'd had that like little taster of self-employment, it was like to me, there was no way that I was going back. I'm completely unemployable. Again, there's a lot like a big part of my ego in that, like never say never, even like to today. Um yeah, so I I didn't know really where to turn. And a friend of mine said, start up your own business, and in my head, that's just fireworks of like chaos, and I do not have a clue where I would start. Like, I've never done that before. If you haven't set up a business before, it's the unknown, right? It's just like a fear blocker, like smacking you straight in the face. How the hell would you know what to do? And another friend of mine, we knocked our heads together, and he was like, What's the easiest job that you could, you know, like a monkey could do? Like, you don't need to be trained and you don't need to go to university. We came up with the idea of cleaning, like everybody needs a cleaner. Most people have cleaners. I know how to clean, I know how to clean my own house. And um, so together we started up a cleaning business. Um, me and my friend Gareth, very good friend of mine. Don't speak to him as enough as I I should. Um, but he was my rock at the time and was there for me massively, and we'll never forget that. So we started up this business, um, and he was like the brains of it, really. And I just, you know, winged it and went along and was learning the ropes at the same time. And it wasn't long lived until he he'd left and he'd found something that he wanted to do, but he kind of got me on my feet, and I'm forever grateful. And and yeah, and I'm I'm still doing that now, two years later. Have some amazing clients that I've really grown a relationship with, like a close relationship, and you kind of get to know their lives, and they've seen me through my journey. Um, I can't tell you how many times in 2025 I cried my eyes out in their houses that they do not know about because they're either on the golf course or on holiday or at work. Um, but yeah, it was a huge part of my my healing journey. Um, but it's been the best thing, and I've learned so much from that model to then model other businesses going forward. Like when you get that little taste, you just learn so much, even in the failures as well. And God, have I had to set boundaries in that job? Um, you know, to the point of I'm like, that's not the kind of clientele I want to work for. Like at first, you're kind of in that desperation mode of like, I'll clean for anyone, and you do free work to begin with, and get that social proof and for friends and family cheap rates, but then it's like, no, this is a business, and this is paying my bills, and like I'm on my own. It's just me doing this as a single mother with two kids, private rental in Buryport, not the cheapest of places, and um, yeah, I became quite picky of who who I was cleaning for, and I had to set some big bloody boundaries, and I had to let clients go, even when I needed the money. I was like, if I did not let them go, I am setting myself that standard, and I'm not willing to do that. And every time I have like someone bigger and better has come through, um, all paying the same price. But now a lot of my regulars are like over Mumble's Way, over the Gower. I absolutely love it. Just even if like it's a commute, and I get paid for the commute, obviously, in fuel, but it it just uh there's something about driving over that gower in whatever condition weather is absolutely gorgeous, and yeah, I've had some some journeys back and forth from there, and like having lunch with wild horses, and yeah, it's pretty magical. So I set up that business, um, which then stems onto, like I said, the model of implementing in into others, but like that was a scary step, and I could have just stayed. Like my vision was online sales, that's gonna be my future. I'm gonna make it to the top. And I'd I'd done it for like five going on six years, and it's a good model, it's just very tiring. Very, and I am like the queen of consistency, and even I was getting tired. Um, so it's just you know, time to move on. And there's some great girls that are in there that do amazing things. Um, but yeah, that was the vision that I had, and it quickly changed. So you kind of need to adapt quickly to change, that it's not all gonna go the way that you want it to, but it could turn out to be better than you wanted it to, and through that, then I found the cleaning to stand on my own two feet, and now through that, I've started up my own breathwork business because that's a huge part of my story and has transformed my life and and started this whole awakening. Um, but if I listen to people that were scared of like, don't do that, like what if it goes wrong? And you just have to think, you really need to like think what if it goes right, what if it is better than I ever could imagine? And even today, like I am so grateful for where I am at, and don't get me wrong, it's not all easy, it looks very different from the outside to what it can be behind the scenes and at home, and especially when it comes to money and supporting yourself and two dependents. You want to make it work, and you will make it work like full circle, that is your why. Um, and people stop asking it anyway. I am I'm going off a tangent and let's let's have a look at the next one. Um, did I know what I was doing when I first started the first business? We've just been through that. Was what was I committed to knowing everything or figuring it out? Which is the thing I didn't know anything, I still feel like I know nothing. Um, but I know a lot more than most people, that's what I say. But it's it's not knowing the how it's gonna work, it's this is what I always do. So um I studied the breath, there's so much to learn about the breath rather than just breathing, you wouldn't believe. And um I always tend to just jump in headfirst and think about what's gonna happen after because if I think about it too much, I'm just gonna procrastinate, which I see a lot of people do, and they don't even get started, and the fear creeps in, and they just they don't do anything with it. They've done the training, they're ready, they just don't see their potential, and they they overthink the how. How is it gonna work? How how how and that used to very much be me. Like, how I can't quite see the plan, like, where's the instructions? Just fucking go with it, just like feel your way through it, listen to your body, listen to your intuition, like follow that excitement and that curiosity again, like come back to that. I say that we lose as adults, and just find out along the way is the best way to do it, rather than stressing about the how. That is a damn fine cup of coffee. Um, what's something I learned simply because I was willing to try? I think I've just kind of just gone through that. Um, how many opportunities have come from action before I felt ready? Oh my god, so many, and that's the beauty of it. Like not seeing the opportunities coming your way, and especially now. God, when when I feel into that, like I'm taking, I I feel like action Barbie. I take action all day long. I do procrastinate about some things, aka tech. Um, but not a lot. I get shit done, and I do the action and I do it consistently, and I have the belief more than anything, that's just everything that I envision is going to come into fruition one day. I don't know what day that is, I don't need to know how that's gonna happen, but I know it's gonna. And when I'm grateful, I'm grateful that it's already happened, not like when that happened. Like I'm grateful now for what was I thinking in the car earlier? Like, if somebody, I'm gonna go off on one now. Imagine if somebody said to you, so say, like your ultimate dream was like, I don't know, limitless money in the bank, and somebody told you that you would get that in your life in this lifetime, you just don't know when that's gonna happen. Would you consistently take that action every day until you got there? Of course you would, but it's like when people don't really have that belief of to get to that vision that they're guaranteed to get it, the action kind of stops or slows down, or we give up because we can't physically have that that vision there to touch, or like I said, that guarantee that we're gonna have it. Um but it's it's taking the action and just knowing that every it's the same as the gym getting up, going to the gym, putting in the reps. Eventually, you are going to build that physique that you want, like it's guaranteed. That is guaranteed, but you have there's so much evidence based around it, but you have to show up and take that action every day with two rest days, obviously. I know the rest days kill us, so we're like, no, why? I'm learning to lean into the rest days now. Um, okay, so how are we doing for time, Lucy? 36 started at 16. Wow, it's a good 20 minutes already. Sheesh, that's gone quick. Um, why do people discourage others from taking risks? Well, they're just projecting their own fears, and it's only protection if they love you. Is it always because they don't believe in us? Some people don't get me started on the haters that they will watch, they love to watch. Um, so take that and use it as fucking fuel. Um, how can we tell the difference between genuine advice and projected fear? Hmm. Like I sense energy through people a lot. Like I can walk into everyone just sense who is good and bad within 10 minutes. I'm like, good egg, bad egg, and not like in the sense of bad, like we're here of neutrality as well. But like, not everyone's your cup of tea, and that's fine. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and I have to accept that that's fine. But genuine advice, I think, is from people that have had the experience. You can just feel when when someone is a genuine soul, and they they they really want to see you succeed. Um, and yeah, projected fear. I don't know, I just have like a sensor, I can pick it up straight away in language, people's body language. I think over time it's just something that you you pick up. Um, have I ever projected my own fears onto someone else? Oh, probably, probably, and and maybe subconsciously as well, more so with my children. Um yeah, I probably have, but I do try to turn that around because I'm very mindful of what they can pick up from me now, because they're like sponges, especially under the age of seven. So yeah, I I do kind of watch what I say because I don't want them to pick up because yeah, they they they like I said they are like sponges, they will pick that up without me even knowing. Like this is going off and one now, but sometimes I'm in situations or environments and I can hear parents speaking to children, and oh, I just have to step away, it's just like noise, like they're not shouting, but like the language that's coming out of their mouths, and that they're like completely unaware of what they're what they're projecting onto their child, and I'm just like, if that's just like one minute of what I'm seeing in a public space, like yeah, it's not even worth thinking about like where that's gonna go. Um right, I'm coming towards the end because I know I just gonna speak a little longer. Um, how often do I hear clients repeating beliefs they've never questioned? Yeah, so within the breath work, uh just touch a bit based on the breath work as well. So um it was June 2025. Um, I'd sold my family home after we'd split, and breath work had changed my life um starting 2023, the the end, sorry, in the December. And it really opened up a space in me for this awakening to happen. Like my awareness was just so much heightened, clarity came to the surface. Like, if I'd felt unhappy in my relationship for years, I certainly wasn't afraid to voice that after my breathwork experience and awakening. Um, once it had settled, it's kind of like you find your voice, and I think that's what scares a lot of people about coming to breath work because then it could mean change, and then fuck like everything is changing, my world's changing, and we want change so much. But sometimes our nervous system is so familiar with feeling in that kind of pain or like stuckness, it's asking for change, but when it comes to it, it's like no no no no wait wait wait wait wait. It's like the matrix, um, take the green or the um the red or the blue pill. So that happened, and um, I couldn't unsee it. That transformation is the quickest transformation I'd ever had, and and it was purely all through through breath. And I couldn't not share that with the world. I was just like, how has this had such an effect and impact on my life watching everything transform of me leaving and then moving out of the house? And even now, you know, like being here alone, going through that. Dark year of 2025, like I did trying to find community, building myself back up, getting into the gym which I was already in, but then I was like completely focused and starting my cleaning business. The next step was the breath work. Like I wanted to help people transform. When I'd spoken about my separation, so many people came forward with the same story, but was hiding behind the screen, whereas I was in front of the screen sharing because I just I don't know, I just I like to share, I like to be seen, I like to inspire other people. And yeah, so I invested. I like to invest big in myself, and um in the October we'd finished, and I just went straight in doing one-to-ones, not even group. I was like, let's do one-to-ones, and it stemmed from there. And here we are now in July 2026, and I'm doing Beach Breath down on the beach. I have Room Higher, where I do Conscious Connected, which is kind of like the journey that I came through for like deep transformation. I have regular one-to-one goals. Um, I'm being offered opportunities now for multiple retreats to go and like have workshops to facilitate breath work, which is fantastic. So I'm abroad. My vision is so big for me doing retreats abroad, and like I'm just not gonna limit myself. We limit ourselves so much because we just don't see our potential, and I feel like a part of my journey here is to be the light for people. I've always had a fascination with lighthouses. The fact I do breath work down by the lighthouse in Buryport, I love I can see it from my front room, and um I am Lucy Lighthouse, and yeah, I feel like that's a huge part of my mission in this lifetime to share with people my journey, but also get them to believe in themselves and remember who the fuck they are without those mind critters of what other people think of you, because that is just purely self-judgment projection of fear. It's like fear is a is an invisible blanket, but we know it's there, and it just stops us in our tracks of whatever we want to do, and it's this the scary thing of the unknown, and once you walk past it and you look behind yourself, you kind of see the old version of you, yet you've just walked through this invisible veil of what we call fear, and you can like see yourself on the other side of it, shit scared, and you've walked through, and then seeing the success on the other side. It's the same as like when you're fearful of a roller coaster, and then you go on it and you have the fucking best time of your life, and then you go on it a hundred times after until you're sick. It's like, what was I fucking fearing? Like, what was that about? It's an invisible veil, and we just walked through it, and now we have everything we want. Okay, maybe not everything, but it's a stepping stone in the right direction, and there will always be bigger fears after that. But you build so much evidence base of like it wasn't as bad as what I thought it was gonna be. I've walked through so many fear blankets, it's unbelievable, and it just does tend to get easier now. You just kind of just run with your head like coming through, and people look at me and be like, Oh my god, really, would you do that? And I'm like, Yeah, and I say it like yeah, for me, five years ago it'd be like asking the question, oh my god, are you gonna do that? You just forget how far you come. Um yeah, so if somebody wrapping it up, if somebody questions you on your decisions, or even you making a decision and somebody blocks it, says no, says it's not doable, then please just remember this podcast and ask yourself why why is that not doable? Why? Why just go back to being that childlike version of you when you were about four or five, and somebody saying no to you then when you thought everything was completely possible, and just ask why? Why not me? Why not me? Why the fuck not you? Why? Who says that? Who's made the rules? I I I lived by the rules so much in my life, all throughout school. I was like teacher's pet, goody two shoes, even through like my 20s and stuff. I'd always go by the rule book. Who made those rules? I know there's rules you know for safety and stuff, and I'm not saying like you should be complete arse about it, but when it comes to your growth, I'll always question why, and I'll just do it my way because no way is way. If you know, you know. Um, so anyway, thank you guys. I may have rambled a little bit. Um, we are getting guests onto the pod. Um, but like I said, Dan's been away for two weeks, and and that's just in the mix of getting them all scheduled in, and I don't want to leave you guys hanging. So yeah, we're hoping to have these aired every week, uh, which will be fun and seeing it grow as we spill the milk. Um, yeah, I've enjoyed it. I mean, I can talk for wheels, but um yeah, I'm gonna wrap it up there and just let us know your feedback. The feedback's great, like what what topics you want to hear and what you want our guests to speak about. And yeah, we'd love to hear from you if you want to be on the pod. We're actually um making an application process, so that'll be live on our Instagram and probably links on all our platforms. So yeah, going forward, it'd be nice to see um some brand new faces and brand new businesses and brand new real stories. Um, I will catch you soon over and out.