Is honesty always the best policy?

Is honesty always the best policy?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Asking how is your day going? Yes, uh it was uh usual day like any other day. I was busy with my chores, classes, sessions, content creating, and that's how my usual day goes on.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

So is that how your usual days go?

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

With these many works, yes. Great, yes. So you finished all your work for today. Are you done?

SPEAKER_01 0:26

This is this your last work? Uh it no no no. I do have one uh session at nine and yes, I'll prepare dinner after the session. So after this session, you prepare dinner. Yes, usually, usually I have my dinner by seven, but uh today I'm not feeling hungry, and I was waiting for this session. I want uh wanted to join the session with that peaceful mind. So and I have uh prepared all the things, I'll just uh whip up something because we uh have a very light uh dinner, yeah, so it's not a big deal, and uh we'll have our dinner by 7 or 7:30. Same here.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

We have dinner by 6:37 max. It's it's healthier that way, right? And then specifically in winters, yes, yes, it's not good to have something heavy and go off to sleep. Yeah, so I I just started this practice recently, maybe a few months back, but then I think it's doing good for my gut. Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

I've been uh following this uh routine for uh two years, and I can see tremendous change in terms of uh gut health or everything, your skin issues, and I have cut down on uh sugar also. We have cut down on sugar. Same here, same so yes, I feel more energetic.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Yes, yes. Sugar actually you know reduces a lot of things in our body since we are on a lens since Christmas is coming for forward, so we've taken a lent, and basically for us, it's that you have to try to not or move away your favorite things just for 25 days, just for yeah, food has always been my favorite thing, so I've kept that away for some time.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

It's good sometimes. We can uh sacrifice a little bit, it's only right, right.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

It's only for little, so it's okay. Right, yes. So moving on to the session, what do you want to do today? Do you have anything specific in your mind? I think uh your wish is my command. Wow, uh, I don't have anything particular as such, but shall we go with the session notes?

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Yes, if you feel like we can, or if you want to uh discuss anything uh related with these languages, I guess in our previous session we discussed a lot of things. Uh English, uh right, how okay how we can work on our uh English. So, yes, we can discuss our session notes.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Yes, let's see. I think this is a pretty good topic. So I feel it's always good to go with that since I don't want to miss out on a lot of good conversations, right? Yes, so the topic is is honesty the best policy? Right. So if you take your session notes, you can find a small paragraph about it. You just have to tell me if you agree to it or not, and the reason for agreeing or not agreeing to it.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Okay, session from a young age, we've been taught that honesty is the best policy, but as adults we realize that brutal honesty can sometimes cause a lot of her to others, and that's when we resort to saying white lies and wonder. Is honesty the best policy, actually? Yes. How far do you agree with that? I agree, I agree because we are taught like that in the childhood, right? Yes, yes. Even I guess uh we do the same thing, we uh teach our uh children like this like honesty is the best policy, you need to be honest, right? But the thing is, um uh they say that nothing is uh black and nothing is white, it's all gray, so we can't be uh so rigid with one thing, right? Because um in our daily life or in our life, in our lives, we have to face uh different circumstances, face a lot of different circumstances, right? So, yes, honesty is the best policy, no doubt. There is no doubt, but you uh I I think um I would choose personally, I would choose um veracity over audacity. So that's how I want to, yes, I want to end my line here with that for me, it's all uh yes, about being so tactful sometimes and mindful, right? Honesty is the best policy, no doubt. But yes, brutal honesty can hurt sometimes people, yes, that's it can create a rackas, right?

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Yes, exactly. I think as you said, even during our childhood, our parents used to teach us not to lie, be truthful how much ever possible. But I think to a certain age, as you said, we can't be rigid, we can be rigid with them, but then after a certain age, I think it's best that they understand how it works. Yes, they should not get the wrong idea, but at the same time, they should also not feel that this is the only thing that works out.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Right. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

So I think that we can take our own life as an example because in the beginning of our life, when we start living, we listen to our parents because that's the only thing that is there, that is the only option left. But as we grow up when we start living on our own, when we start going to college, we understand the true meaning of that, if honesty is the best policy or not. Right, right, right. True, yes, okay. So, moving on to the next paragraph lie or not lie.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

Okay, okay, so your cousin is a bride, it's a big day, but when you see her uh backstage before the wedding ceremony, you notice that her outfit and makeup look terrible, but she seems to be pleased. The videographers are waiting outside to shoot the bride's entry. Oh my goodness, what do you do?

SPEAKER_00 6:18

That's the biggest dilemma a person can catch.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

So, what would I do? I if she's happy and if she is confident, right? What uh with whatever she is carrying uh in terms of outfit and makeup, so I guess I'll let it go. Now I need to be very uh mindful. If uh we still have some time, we can uh change a little bit and we can make some changes. Otherwise, if she is happy, she has that glow and she's carrying everything nicely, confidently. Why to create a mess? Let her enjoy her big day, right?

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Yes, exactly. I think that happened with me actually when during my engagement. So I was my marriage was a rush bush, as in it didn't happen with a lot of planning or anything, it happened all of a sudden, so I was not prepared much. I was working in Bangalore in a school, and then all of a sudden I had to get into shape. I was putting on a lot of weight, but I got into shape. But then for my engagement, I didn't have much time. So my outfit was okay. I was wearing asari, that was okay, but then my makeup didn't catch up well, it didn't match well. As in, I'm a person for me, makeup doesn't go well for me. Okay, how much ever you apply, because I don't know why, but from the child from my childhood itself, I was very late to even use a lipstick. I think when during my 25 or 26 years, I started using it, so it was different for me. So first thing I was scared of wearing a makeup because I didn't know if it would suit me because I've never worn it before. But then on that day, I don't know, but somehow I felt it was okay when I looked at the mirror, and nobody around me told that it was bad or anything of that sort. But then after the engagement, when I started looking at the pictures, pictures, I was like, Oh my god, is this how I was looking? I was so devastated, I started crying because it's it's once in a lifetime that you get an opportunity like that, right? So I was so heartbroken. I called up the makeup artist, I didn't blast or anything because she was the same person who was going to do for my wedding, also. Okay. So the thing what happened is that the main person didn't come for my engagement. She sent her assistant because she had an emergency. I can't blame her for that because it's an emergency, but she still managed to get somebody for me instead of just you know uh looting me out. So what happened? The one who came, she was a person who applies a lot of makeup. So I wanted a natural look. Natural look, right? Where you know, when we looked that yeah, that may it shouldn't look like a worn makeup, right? The saddle kind of look, but then when I I was having a traditional look, even though I'm a Christian, I wanted a traditional look because my sari was Kanjivaram sari, it was a pakka South Indian sari, so my jewelry also was like, So I thought I'll go with a Nadan look, a look, uh an a normal Hindu look. Then I was so devastated. I was like, I felt so embarrassing. I was just brushing up through my day, and then I was like, oh my god, people would have said, then I started crying, then people started telling me, yeah, there was a little problem, it was not that big of a problem. But then I was, you know, you literally get devastated because it's already happened, you can't do anything about it. The photos are already there, you can't change the photos, you can't change the menu. I was like, this is it, but then I think that was a lesson for me to be more cautious about things. So for my wedding, I was very cautious. I made sure that the main girl was coming, she read the goodmay book. I was very satisfied, everybody was very satisfied with my look. So I think I I so when I checked the photos, I mean it's only going to be a year since I got married. So when I'm going through the photos, I'm cutting most of the photos engagement because I don't want it. So only in which I feel I'm looking at least a little bit good, I'm taking it, but most of it I've started bumping my wedding photos. So yeah, it is something, it's a very bad situation for anybody. But one good thing is that at that moment nobody told me because I was all happy, I was very confident. Yes, that is one thing. As you said, if the bride or the person is happy and confident, it's totally fine. Right. Right. Yes, okay. So the next part is a word of the day. Have you heard of this word?

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Whistleblower. Whistleblower. Honestly, I uh came across this word only when I was going uh through the notes, and then I yes, then I read uh its uh definition and all. So now I am aware of this word.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

Yes, whistleblower is a person who actually exposes the truth about sometimes it can be very bad, or you know, sometimes it can be a person who has some grudge towards somebody. So, in a general note, whistleblower is a person who exposes truth, truth, right? So, do you are you getting any situations in your mind where you can use this word?

SPEAKER_01 11:23

Uh in our inner life, whistleblower, whistleblower. Why to had an experience like that? No, no, no, I don't think so. I uh I'm a I'm a kind of person who uh doesn't pick uh nose in other people's affairs, and I never allow people to you know uh interfere in yours, interfere in my life. So, yes, I don't think so. I have ever uh you know faced this kind of scenario and I don't want to to be very often exactly nobody wants to.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Do you know anybody who's a whistleblower?

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Who exposed in my uh surroundings? I don't think so. I don't think so. These are yes, people are uh very uh they are um calculative, manipulative, right? So it's hard to find uh such types of people. Yes, there are whistleblowers as you just mentioned to maybe to uh if if someone holds grudges against anyone, yes, then that person can use certain kind of uh maybe details or information just to throw someone under the bus. I don't know any uh that kind of whistleblower who actually reveals the truth in a positive way. Yes, exposes the truth.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

Yeah, sometimes I feel people do it in a positive way. You take, for example, influencers, right? When they're trying to to an extent 50-50 percent when they're trying to bring out certain truth to help somebody, but sometimes it is not for a good intention, yes, so we can't completely trust what is going on in social media. That's the problem with social media, right? Exactly. That's the so yes. Okay, so are there situations where being completely truthful might be hurtful to somebody since you are also in the teaching field or doing something related to it? Have you ever felt that way?

SPEAKER_01 13:14

My learners come to me, so sometimes they ask me, ma'am, am I uh growing or uh is there I mean, can you tell me the feedback, right? So we can't be so straightforward, right? We need to uh use, we need to be very mindful and we need to be meticulous with our words, try to give an honest feedback, but at the same time, I take care of the feelings of that person because I don't want to um demotive uh demotivate or demoralize anyone. So, yes, yes, I guess every day, every day these kind of situations uh occur in front of us, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Yes, exactly. So, for me, also in that situation, there are two types of criticisms when it comes to that. There's a constructive criticism and there's a destructive one. So I feel when it comes to such a platform, it's always good to be constructive, you know, be calm, tell them, motivate them, but at the same time tell them that you have to improve on this. Yes. So I feel that is one way people take it in a good sense. If it's a person whom you know for a very long time, you can be brutally honest with them. Exactly. It's totally fine because you know to an extent only they will be honest with you. Right. But then when it comes to such a platform, I feel I tell everything. Okay, if if there's a feedback which they have to improve, which they have to work on, I completely tell everything. But as you said, yeah, I should take care or make sure that it doesn't hurt their feelings in any way, right? Right. So that is one way which I also agree to you that we should be truthful, but at the same time motivate them along with that, exactly, exactly. Right. So today I had an incident with a learner. So she was finding or she was struggling to have conversations in past tense, she's finding it very difficult. So when I get inside a session, the first thing that I ask is, How are you? How was your day? And if it's a learner whom I've not been seeing for quite some time, I ask, How is your language journey going? Yes, and how is it treating you? So she today she told me, No, ma'am, I don't think I'm doing good. Um, my language is not good, my English is bad. She kept on. So I said, Who said your English is bad? Did somebody tell you, No, ma'am, I'm just feeling it from it. So I'm like, no, you should take a stand. I'm doing whatever I can, I'm trying to improve and I can communicate well.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

So at the end of the session, I made her say this and she told me, Thank you, ma'am, for motivating me. I actually felt energized, I felt more you know deeply connected with this language of YouTube. So that one motivation is enough for a person to feel better or to be motivated, not to leave in

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SPEAKER_00 15:55

between.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

Yes, yes. See, uh, words, uh, words hold power, right? So if you are

(Cont.) Is honesty always the best policy?

SPEAKER_01 16:39

at that situation where you can maybe motivate people or demotivate, always try to lift them up, right? So, yes, if you want as that learner, uh, she came with that negative approach towards her learning. So, I think uh as a teacher, as a tutor, uh, it's more about counseling our learners rather than teaching or training them, right? Yes, so yes, they come with uh these kind of uh thought process or this kind of thinking that ma'am, I'm not uh I I am not growing, I've been learning this language for a long time. Still, I feel uh like getting stuck. So, our our task is to make them feel motivated and uh you know to push them forward. Yes, so exactly.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

Yes, I felt she needed that today because she was in the beginning of the session itself. I felt she was not motivated at all. She was feeling you know, down, not in the mood. But then when we started interacting, when we started playing games and all that, she became very she became very cheerful. So I think that's all that's needed for a person more than learning this language, they should be happy learning this language, right? Right, right, yes, actually. Okay, what are the consequences of lying or being dishonest in personal relationships?

SPEAKER_01 17:53

Okay, so yes, I don't think so. We should ever try this uh thing in a personal relationship. We need to uh maintain that uh integrity, okay. Here comes the role of this particular bird. So, yes, um I think uh if you if you you know sometimes we have to some they there are uh two types of flies now. Sometimes just you don't want to hurt the person in front of you, so you just lie, right? That's fine. Yes, but if you are in the habit of lying, I mean it's it's your second nature, so you are putting yourself and your relationship in hot water, okay? So be honest, be truthful with your uh those uh with your personal, I mean with your partner, okay. If let's let's talk about partner, I don't um I mean I'm not going to say here that okay, telling lie is anyway good here. Yes, you need to be very truthful and um you need to create that bond of trust. Yes, because this is this is something that that you know holds that relationship, okay. Exactly. So if you if you have to uh tell a lie in any situation, uh just reveal that secret or spill the beans that I I told you uh that uh uh thing or I I just misinformed you anything, right? But I was helpless and my intention was not wrong. So this was a scenario, so please I'm not going to repeat it. Better to better to solve it or better to uh you know have that um conversation as soon as possible because uh they say right that pile of uh uh lies, and then it will be a kind of uh roller coaster. Okay, so be very aware when it comes to the world.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Yeah, the more you prolong it, I think it gets worse. You tend to lie more, yes, in that case, yeah, especially for your personal relationships, be it your sister, your brother, your parents, or even your husband. I feel it is okay to a certain extent to be honest with them because nobody else is gonna do that. Exactly. So, and I think they expect that from us also to a certain extent, right? As we expect, as we expect, yes, exactly, exactly. I I I totally agree to that because I want my husband to tell me exactly what he feels or what he you know feels about me or whatever I even if I'm wearing a costume or a dress, I want him to tell me if it looks good on me or if it suits me. If it doesn't, then I I understand because he knows me better.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Exactly, exactly. So I think in that case, yes, in that case, brutal honesty works for us, right? Exactly, exactly. We can take that part.

SPEAKER_00 20:44

There's no a fear of judgment at that time. That's the point, yes, and I feel that that is not something that happens outside personal relationships. People start judging you, people start saying, Oh, she is like that, she keeps things, she tells everything onto the face, which is sometimes very brutal. So I think to that, if that is the case, it's better you keep your limits with people, like you said, it's better you don't interfere much in their lives and let them not interfere in our lives, also.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

True, that see, it depends. If my neighbor comes to me, she asks me, How do I look today? I'm not going to uh be very honest with her, okay. Ah, you look pretty, right? But yes, if my sister comes to me and uh uh she asks the same question and I don't like uh her attire or maybe her makeup, I'm going to tell her you need to uh no, you need to change it or you just try this one. I think this will suit you better, right? So that's how that's how it works.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

I think that's the confidence that we get basically to wear something. See, I was to a certain extent, I was pretty much feeling very bad about my body because I said I was becoming more bulkier as time went, and it was because of a lot of hormonal changes that I had. But then eventually, when I started reducing it, I started gaining confidence, and I started reducing not because I felt like I was fat, it was because I felt inside I had to be healthy, I had to be healthy.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

That's the point.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

So I that's the reason why I wanted to reduce, but then I also felt insecure looking at the mirror, seeing, oh, this is I I was not like this, I was even better. I was not able to wear a lot of dresses, also. And that is not because people came and told me, it is something that I felt from inside. Yes, true that and I think that's the most important thing. You should not be bothered by others to an extent, we will be, but then you I feel it's all about personal choices.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

Personal choices, you know what, and uh we get this realization when we grow uh or when we become more mature or when we grow older. Uh, you are talking about your uh, you know, your struggle. I tell you, uh, I am skinny, I used to be skinny, uh, right? So uh after getting married, I would get those uh comments from my near and dear ones. Oh god, you are so skinny, don't you eat anything and all. So there was a point in my life when I was completely I was a diffident person, right? Right, uh, though I used to be very confident, very straightforward, right? But then I realized that this is not going to work for me. So now I'm perfectly fine with my body, the shape, everything, everything I don't have any problem with because I learned to accept myself the way I am, exactly right. So I I still I get the same comments, but now I know how to deal with those comments tactfully. Yes, right? So that is how that is how we can change. We we can't change people's perception, we can't change their thinking, but we can't we can change ourselves, yes, right? So that should be the gist of the life, I would say.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

Yes, it's all about accepting ourselves first more than anybody else, make yourself a priority, and I think everything is going to be different in that way. That's something that I've learned throughout, because even I've heard a lot of comments, as you said, in the beginning you feel very disheartened. You'll be like, Oh, why are they becoming so bothered? You get affected very easily, even though you feel no, I don't care and all that. But then after a certain point, you start realizing it's affecting you mentally and physically. So then later on, when you start standing up for yourself, that goes down, yeah, right. Right. Yes. So I think it was indeed a good conversation, as I thought. It was lovely talking to you, Neha. It's always good talking to you. I hope you come back for my sessions again to definitely conversations.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

Yes, though it is uh difficult to find your sessions, but I was lucky enough that I got this very slot. But yes, I keep uh searching for your slots. Thank you so much. Thank you. I hope to see you again soon. Have a wonderful evening. Take care. Bye. Thank you, bye bye.