I Never Needed Permission

How often do we wait for permission to make a choice we already have the power to make?

In this episode of Paths 2 Lead, Melissa Tassie reflects on the moments in life when we choose comfort, expectations, reputation, or the roles we’ve been given instead of choosing what truly matters.

Melissa explores the difference between being given permission and having the courage to choose for yourself. Because sometimes, the permission we are waiting for was never someone else’s to give.

There is always a choice we can make.

The question is: What are you choosing today that maybe you should be choosing differently?

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Choose these roles, mom and wife, over anything else. Because at the end of the day, just cut to the chase. At the end of the day, it is not about the roles we play, it's the human underneath.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Welcome to the Stop Performing Life Podcast. I am Melissa Tassey, and this is the Human Connection Movement. Each week, my guests and I will explore what it means to stop performing, reconnect to what matters most, and intentionally create a life that feels deeply aligned with who you are. You did not press play by accident. Maybe this is the pause you've been waiting for.

SPEAKER_02 1:04

Let's begin.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Hey, thanks so much for joining me today. I have something that's on my mind that I wanted to get off my chest. And it's linked back to one of the podcasts that I had around what role we're playing, right? And the one that I chose to drop so that I could take care of my daughter. And one thing that's coming up for me is I had this experience before. And isn't it funny how life just gives you experiences to learn from them? Maggie was six months old. And as a mom, you just know when your daughter your child is sick, if they're really sick, right? You just know in your gut. I don't know, it's uncanny how it is. And especially mothers. Mothers just know, right? So I'm getting ready for work. Maggie is six months old. I'm in an environment that is very um stressful, very judgmental, in a culture that where you can't make mistakes, um, in a culture where you have to be at work, um, in a culture where working nine to five is frowned upon, versus working like seven to eight. That's 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. every day is more accepted. Um and being a new mom in this environment, wow, it it was tough. So I knew there was something wrong with my daughter in that she probably needed to go to the doctor. Well, my husband and I did what we made sense because we both had to go to work. Again, had to. And um, we went to work. I went into my boss at the time, and she's we're doing our touch base. She said to me, she goes, What's wrong with you? There's something off. Now she was wonderful. I loved working for her. Not a very courageous woman, but a very empathetic woman. I told her, I said, I woke up this morning, Maggie's not feeling well. I know there's something, there's something off with her. And I I and she's like, Well, why don't you take her to the doctor? I said, Well, I can't. I can't, I can't take her to the doctor. We're in the middle of this, this, and this, and this. And she looked at me and she's like, Yes, you can take her to the doctor. You go get her right now and take her to the doctor. I needed that permission from her. I was relieved. So I go get my girl and I take her to the doctor, and thank God I did. She had fucking pneumonia. Pneumonia. Yes, I knew that was serious. And the choice I made was for a fucking role that drove me fucking nuts. That gave me like heart palpitations on a regular basis because of the stress in the environment. It was just an unhealthy, toxic culture. We've all been in one. I chose that over the health of my daughter. I share that with you, is that it was a choice. But it took my daughter going through the bone marrow transplant. It took many, many years later to realize I had the choice. That I had the power the whole time to make that choice. Do I stay with what's in com what's comfortable, i.e., going to job, going to to work and not compromising my quote-unquote standing, um, my performance, um, my reputation, all the bullshit. Do I go to work and not compromise that that's comfortable, that's safe, and just let my daughter go? Or do I not go to work and then take my daughter to the doctor? That is a situation that I hear all the time with the folks that I'm coaching, the people that I work with, the teams that I have the honor to get in their world and play. And I say play, work with them, um, that they have to make these hard choices and they experience exactly what I experienced. The leader at the time I was a manager was a role. And a mother and a wife. I chose this, the leader, over being the mom and the wife. On October 17th in 2023, I chose to be the mother and wife, and it was without hesitation, without one second of hesitation. Why? Because I learned in 2024, no, in 2004, that there is always a choice we can make. I also learned in 2004 that I should and will, and all the must, the all the things, choose my family over any fucking role that I have to play. Choose these roles, mom and wife, over anything else. Because at the end of the day, just just cut to the chase. At the end of the day, it is not about the roles we play, it's the human underneath. And this, the role that I was playing, was not fulfilling me. It was stressing me out. And I chose that over my daughter. The daughter who gives me joy, who's a miracle. She is one of she is nature's greatest miracle. And my husband, I chose that over this. What? What the fuck? I didn't know any better. And I wasn't courageous. October 17th, 2023, I stepped into it. Did I grieve? Was I sad? Yeah. But I stepped into it. I knew I needed to be the mom and the wife, and that this work, although I loved it, it was an accumulation and an embodiment of like 20 plus years of passion into the leadership development space. I knew I needed to step away. I think it's just funny how life gives us lessons this way. And you may hear me say often, we are given signs. This might be a little woo-woo for some of you, and and that's fine, and you can press pause or you know, delete or stop, whatever it is. But the universe, God universe, source, it's all one. Sorry, it's all one. Call it whatever it is. It is one. Divine being, divine presence gives us signs. Signs and lessons. So the sign is, am I reading the sign? One, do I see it? Do I see that sign? Is it connecting? Is it resonating? Is it making me pause? Read the sign. Make meaning of it. Make meaning of it. What what what are you trying to tell me? What am I missing? Oh, what's the lesson here? And then what do I do with it? See the sign, read the sign, what do you do with it? Because each one of those signs is something for you to learn from and then the take action on. I think about 2004 and my daughter. God, in the relief I felt when my job gave my boss gave me permission to take her, I never needed permission. I had to have the courage to choose. And 2023, the courage was there. The choice was clear, and I absolutely took action on it. My daughter is healthy, she's thriving, and we are a tighter knit family than we've ever been before. And it sucks that my daughter went through what she went through, and yet the transformation of all three of us, my husband, Maggie, and myself, my husband's name is Jim, was it's hard to put words to it. All for the good. So I just wanted to leave you with that. The choice. What are you saying yes to? What are you saying yes to today that maybe you should be saying no to? What are you choosing today that you should be making another better choice? When we go through these life experiences day to day, but when we have the time to zoom out and take a look at what's really happening, that's when we get clear and actually give ourselves time to connect dots. And those dots are whether they're the moments or the lessons, but they're wherever here. Yeah. So I just wanted to share that with you. What role are you choosing? And is it the one you should be choosing? Thanks so much for joining me today and listening to my story. And uh, I leave you with that. Take care until next time.