overcoming the grip - the art of letting go

Detach. Let it go. Drop it.. In this episode, we get honest about why releasing people, habits, expectations, and memories is so much harder than anyone makes it sound. We talk about why your brain is literally wired to hold on, what Erykah Badu's Bag Lady has to do with your healing, and why letting go isn't a switch you flip — it's an art you practice.

We're also talking about the cost of holding on past the season, how to tell the difference between what's meant to stay and what's meant to go, and the small, practical steps that make releasing feel less impossible.

If you've been gripping on to something that's already over, this one is for you.

Journal prompt: What is one thing you're struggling to let go of that no longer serves you? Write one step you're taking today to begin releasing it.

Be okay with letting go , because what if it all works out?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, hello friends. Welcome back to What If It All Works Out. Conversations for the Overthinker Turn Overcomer. I am your lovely host, Damiana. And if you're new here, welcome. Hey, friend. Grab your pen, grab your notebook, sit down, and let's talk about it. So we are nine episodes in. This is a win for me because I've never been this consistent. Honestly, let me not say that. I have been consistent with my TikTok content for some time, some months ago. But I am proud of myself for showing up every week for nine episodes. Now, I do want to, you know, let you guys know that season one will be wrapping up very soon. I think I'm gonna go to either 10 or 11 episodes, it might be 10 for season one of our new journey. As you can see, you're not seeing my face right now because honestly, it is 11.34 p.m. on a Tuesday night. And my goal is to have episodes out by Wednesday morning. So when you guys wake up. So if I was to get on camera right now at this time of night, it wasn't going to be edited by tomorrow. And I'm gonna just keep it real. Um, I've had such a busy start to my week and my weekend that I had no time to honestly sit down, plan, and record and edit. So as we wrap up season one, we're going to make sure we take a good break, restrategize, go back to the drawing board, and create time for us to be more face forward on camera and more engaging with community. So that is the plan, but let's get into the episode. So this episode was inspired literally by me scrolling on TikTok. I was scrolling the other day and I ran across a video of someone, she's a cleaner. She's cleaning out a hoarder's home. And if you ever seen one of those shows on TLC or on TikTok, you already know it's a lot of stuff just piled on top of each other. You can't navigate a hallway, the kitchen, the bathroom. You can barely breathe. Even watching the video, I was just, I just had so much anxiety. But you see through the video that there's our there's years and years of like holding on until, you know, holding on started to hold that person back. I learned that that person developed like a health issue and never saw attention because he was scared of someone coming to his house and seeing the state of his home. And I sat there watching, like, reading through the comments and seeing what people were saying about this person not taking care of themselves. I'm like, hold on, like we do the same thing, honestly. We may not do it with furniture or garbage or cigarettes or you know, just hoarding items, but some of us do. We we we hoard physically, emotionally, mentally. And in some way, shape, or form, we are a hoarder of something. So I start to ask myself, why do we struggle to let go? Because what I know to be true is that it's not laziness and it's not weakness either. There's actually something happening inside, physically and psychologically, that makes us holding on to what feels more safe than releasing. I always try to do my research when it comes to the brain and the way we think to understand why we behave the way we do. So I learned that our brains are literally wired to protect us within familiar boundaries, right? The moment that we try to step out of what we know, whether it's relationship, a habit, a version of yourself, expectations, your brain pulls back. And I learned that our brain, quote unquote, is not punishing us, it thinks it's protecting us by doing that, by retracting back to familiarity, because familiarity to the brain equals safety. Even when that familiarity is like so slowly suffocating us. There are deeper reasons, though, as to why we hold on. And when I was thinking about why we hold on, I thought about comfort. We could be addicted to comfort. The things that don't feel good, but it's known, feel safe. So we stay there. There's this fear of uncertainty that comes after we let go. Like, what if nothing comes to replace this? What if nothing better comes? So we hold on, right? And then there's grief as well. Because letting go means actually processing that loss. And a lot of us would rather just keep carrying the weight than sit in the feeling and then moving forward. We also have that scarcity mindset. I remember going through this, having the quiet whisper of like, is this as good as it gets? And if I release it, maybe nothing better comes. Maybe some of us have this trauma response where we try to hold on to money, we try to hold on to items, we try to hold on to people or relationships in fear of it not being enough to come back, you know? So yeah, people always say that we should just move on, that we don't need something, that we should just let it go. As if it's just something you switch, like if it's a light switch or something. But to be real, to acknowledge humanity, detaching is definitely not linear because to me, it's a process, it's very messy, it's non-linear, it's beautiful, and that's why I call it an art. There's an art to letting go, and art takes practice, it takes practice. I am a makeup artist, so I know I never started off the best, and there's also more growth for me to achieve, but development, progress, the art of letting go means showing up even when the result isn't what you hoped for just yet. Um, I also had an Eric moment. I remember when I was writing this episode, I was going back to her song Bag Lady. Now, if you grew up on Neo Soul, you know this song. This song talks about a woman carrying a lot of emotional weight. She has heartbreak, she has disappointment, she has trauma, she has insecurity. And the image of a bag lady is like perfect for what we're talking about because she can't move efficiently. She slowed down. If you imagine a bag lady, she got so much stuff in her hand on her back that she's not moving fast, she's not moving as efficiently as she should. She slowed down, taking up more space than she needs to, because she got so much stuff, and everyone around her feels that weight of it too. That's why she tells them to pack light. But yes, that's the assignment though. Like, not get it together or stop being so emotional, but just pack light. Like, what we're carrying is not meant to travel with us into the next season. Some things are for a season. And for me, I could be honest that there have been people I've held on to that were past their season, expectations that I've refused to grieve, mindsets that I've kept around simply because they were mine. Even when they stopped serving me, some of those things brought me real joy. If I'm gonna be honest, it brought true intimacy or what I thought was intimacy. And they were significant to me. That is exactly what made it hard to release because I formed a bond with these things, with these people, with these expectations that letting go just seemed unrealistic at the time. But letting go of something meaningful, we know it's in a switch. Like I said, it's a slow, it's in an intentional honoring of what was, and also a brave choice to make space for what is ahead. And it's important to understand seasons versus a lifetime. And the framework that helped me was having the revelation of some things or some people are meant on for a season, and they come to bring a memory, to teach us a lesson, or to reveal a part of us that we didn't know was there. And when that season is complete, the most honoring thing we can do for the both of us is let it in gracefully. Like it's okay for people to come into your life for things to have served its purpose for a season and be okay with departing. Because other people or other things are are meant for a lifetime, right? And you can usually tell the difference because for me, I think I think to myself, what or who has been a consistent pillar through every single transition? And those things really tend to be permanent. And when you let it go and when you let it in gracefully, it's important to understand like grief doesn't mean it was wrong. Sometimes it just means that it was real. You know, not everything that you have to let go of is bad or unhealthy. There are some things that you come across in life, or some people you come across in life that serves a great purpose. But the mindset that you have to carry is it was only for a season, and I don't have to have it forever. It gave what it needed to give at that time. Now it's time for me to move forward. And that is a-okay, you know? But I want to also like address what happens if you don't let go. So if we hold on to things past a season, we can fall out of alignment and waste time and energy maintaining something that's already expired. Um, our mental health suffers under the quiet stress of what was never meant to stay, and our growth stalls because you cannot step into, I believe, what is next for you when both hands are full of what was. There's this meme that I saw of Jesus and the little girl. Jesus had a big teddy bear behind his back, anticipating to give it to this girl. But the little girl had a teddy bear. She had like a smaller teddy bear in her hands, and she said, like, but I love it too much. I love it so much. And God was like, just trust me. And it's just, you know, show me like it's okay to let go and let God honestly, like, let go and let God do something bigger and greater. But yeah, so how do you actually move on? How do you actually let go of something that you cherish or you think you need? How do you practice this art of letting go, Daviana? Okay. Number one is gonna be self-awareness. I want you or me to be honest enough to look at what we're holding and ask, does it still serve who I am becoming? Okay. Number two is name it out loud. This is what helped me. And I mean it, say it literally and write it down. Acknowledge what this thing is or was for you, what it meant to you, how it made you feel, and honor that, you know, honor the the season that it gave you before you close it. It helps with the grieving. Number three is to talk to someone you trust. And y'all know who I'm a gosh for. I'm a gosh for God. He is a great listener, he's a great helper. Jesus is always there. The best confidant, the best healer, a great listener. You don't have to process it alone. Have a friend, you know, a sister or brother. Talk to somebody about what you want to release because they can be helpful in holding you accountable and supporting you. Number four is to take small steps. When I started my fitness journey, I promise y'all, I was not in the best shape that I am in today. I started out very small, and that that looked like taking walks at the park or going to the gym, doing the walk on the incline for maybe 10, 15, 20 minutes at a time, doing a 10-minute workout, then growing into a 20-minute workout, then a 30-minute workout, and then changing my eating habits. Um, I took small steps, but I want you to understand that you don't have to do everything at once. You can buy less of a thing, walk a little further, have that high conversation, unfollow that person, delete them number, you know, delete that burner account. One step is still movement. Acknowledge that. And then finally celebrate your progress. I want you to document the journey and then look back at how far you've come because you can you can use that as fuel to keep going forward. That's what helped me let go because the payoff is what's waiting for you on the other side, right? When you finally let go, and you will, um, you will see the greater that was waiting, the freedom, literal freedom from the weight you've been carrying. I want to go back to the video that I was talking about earlier on TikTok. Once she got done cleaning the house, I felt such a relief and such a sense of like fresh air for the person because it started off like very messy, and it was just like, how can somebody live in this? But you get so much freedom from just having a clean slate and being released from the weight that you've been carrying. You have space, you have room for something new, something better, something more aligned, right? You have healing, the kind that only comes when you stop pressing on that wound and actually let it close. And then also growth. That's the version of you that's been waiting on the other side all along. When I think about scripture, what comes to mind is Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. And that says to trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your path straight. When we think of the word submit, we think of putting something into the hands of God, letting go, letting God handle it, you know, laying it at the altar, surrendering it, and allowing him to work with you as you um release and move forward. The next verse is Psalms 46.10, which says, Be still and know that I am God. Right? Sometimes letting go starts with just stopping and being still, stop striving, stop convincing, stop holding on, and be still enough to hear what is next. What is the greater? What is what is the freedom in this? And then also John 15 and 2, it says, He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes, so they will even be more fruitful. And this honestly made me think about a time where I had a plant. I had two plants. Um, one name was Jubilee, and then the other was Esther. Esther was a green plant, I forgot the name plant that I had, but I remember like a few weeks after I got it, she started to like wither. I was trying to be a plant mom so bad. Like I wanted a plant, a live plant to take care of. But I was not giving it the attention that it needed, honestly. But anyway, Esther's leaves started to wither and turn brown at certain points, right? I saw this TikTok video that said that you could cut the dead parts of the actual leaf without cutting its actual branch to help it continuously grow. So I tried that, right? And after a few days or weeks, nothing changed. So I'm like, let me do some more research. And I learned that if you cut the branches of that dead leaf, you could, you know, initiate for it to grow more, grow a new branch. So I did that, right? And then lo and behold, you know, first it looks better versus being cut up. Then two, now I'm making space for a new branch to grow more healthier. And that brings me back to John 15, 2, that says, He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. That part of the scripture came alive to me in that moment when I learned that cutting that branch will, you know, make space for a new and more lively branch to grow. And that's the same for us, like letting go of you know, the that dead weight, letting go of what is no longer serving us, and allowing God to bring more uh fruit out of us that is in alignment with Him and with our lives that does bear fruit, that is fruitful. So letting go is not abandonment, it's definitely preparation, and that's what I got from that. And before I close out, I want to leave us with a journal prompt. Of course, today's journal prompt is what is one thing you may be struggling to let go of that no longer serves you? What is one step you're gonna take to begin releasing that thing? So I want you to write it down, say it loud, and go ahead and take that action. Be okay with letting go, be okay with the uncertainty that may come with it, be okay with grief and honoring you know that that season is complete. It takes some self-awareness, yes. It takes courage, importantly, but on the other side of releasing it, what if it all works out? And that is the end of episode nine, friends. Thank you so much for listening. If you haven't already, please go ahead and subscribe. Go ahead and like, go ahead, comment, and share with someone who needs it. We're going to be wrapping up season one very soon. If you have any feedback on this season so far, please, please, please let me know. You can reach me right now at LoveDaviana. I do have an Instagram page for what if it all works out. I just need to get some visuals together before we start making it public. Okay. But until then, my friends, what if it all works out? I'll see you in our next talk. Bye.