Bitching About Our Menopause Origin Stories, Part One

Meet Marni and Dom, your new sweary besties here to bitch about all things perimenopause and menopause with you! 

On today's bitch session, they introduce themselves and the podcast, as well as how they found out they were in perimenopause, who helped them (and who DIDN'T 🤬) and the importance of finding a menopause specialist who believes you. Part 1 of 2.

NOTE: NAMS.org no longer exists - it's been rebranded as Menopause.org, but the information remains the same. Go there to find a Menopause specialist in your area! (Not a sponsored link.)

Grab a beverage, besties, and let's start bitching!

Show Notes:

3:07 - Perimenopaws on TikTok 

5:18 - Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc

5:32 - Wyld CBD

9:55 - National Association of Perimenopause Specialists - NAMS.org no longer exists - it's been rebranded as http://Menopause.org, but the information remains the same. Go there to find a Menopause specialist in your area! (Not a sponsored link.)

26:01 - Faster Than Normal podcast with Peter Shankman

35:35 - Unlock Your Menopause Type by Dr. Heather Hirsch 

35:40 - Dr. Heather Hirsch on Instagram

39:40 - Blink Eye Lubricating Drops

Some of what we share are affiliate links and the BIH crew may get a small commission for your clicks, but it costs you nothing and helps the pod. Thanks!

Transcript

Dom 0:01

Hey Hotties. Thanks for joining us on Bitches in Heat Podcast. This was part one of the Origin Stories episode, which first aired on July 14th, 2026. Part two will be aired on July 21st, 2026. Thanks for joining us, Hotties.

Welcome

Dom 0:18 Marni 0:20

Welcome everyone to the inaugural Bitches in Heat! A podcast where middle-aged hotties bitch about perimenopause, menopause, and the shit that surrounds it.

Dom 0:31

Also, Hotties, there will be swearing. So maybe wear headphones or go in a different room if you've got kiddos and sensitive ears. But do grab a glass of your favorite beverage besties.

Marni 0:43

I'm Marni.

Dom 0:44

I'm Dom. And today we are bitching about our menopause origin stories.

Marni 0:50

Absolutely. But first, let's tell you all a little bit about who we are. So

Who Are We?

Marni 0:56

who are we?

Dom 0:57

Who are... who-- wait? Who am I?

Marni 0:58

Who are you? (laughs)

Dom 1:01

So we are-- we are both audiobook narrators. And we met a couple of years ago at an industry event where I was actually having my very first hot flash. And Marni graciously lent me her fan and started.

Marni 1:21

Go ahead.

Dom 1:22

And introduced me to the idea of carrying a fan around in my purse. And then started to talk to me about perimenopause. Um, and then ever since we've seen each other like a handful of times at different events. We live in different states, but every single time I have some weird symptom that's new and happening. And Marni is helping me and telling me what to do.

Marni 1:47

I I'm always trying to help. I I always tell my friends who are going through it. I'm like, pull up on a stool and let Aunt Marni tell you a story.

Dom 1:55

Help me, Aunt Marni.

Marni 1:57

You're my only hope. (laughs) So, yes, I went through it really, really early. So just to be clear, we are not medical professionals. Our advice should not be construed as such at all.

Dom 2:08

Yeah. So if you do have medical questions, see your OBGYN, your menopause specialist, and tell them we sent you.

Marni 2:16

And also to the incredible hotties who are joining us today live for the premiere, thank you for being here. And thank you for being so supportive and patient with us as this is our very first recording of the podcast. So forgive us if there are moments of brain fog, because they will happen.

Dom 2:31

Moments where we're like, wait, what button are we supposed to hit now?

Marni 2:34

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

Why Are We Doing This Podcast?

Marni 2:37

And why did we want to come up with the idea of the show? And why now? I think we're gonna talk about that, right?

Dom 2:43

We were gonna talk about that. So I mean, Perimenopause and menopause has been at the forefront of my mind for since that first hot flash. Um, but then Marni, you reached out to me a couple of weeks ago. Go ADHD and moving fast, also I know and said, let's do this podcast.

Marni 3:01

And I've been wanting to do it, yeah, forever. For years.

Dom 3:04

Tell us why. Tell us what was -- how we got here.

Marni 3:07

Some of the people in the chat actually know this. Um, but I have a I have a TikTok called Perimenopaws, P-A-W-S. And my kiddo came up with that name, by the way. They would want me to tell you that because I have a dog, and it's sometimes it's easier to talk to a dog about things that are a little bit touchy, you know, uh, that you're not really comfortable talking about. So Perimenopaws the TikTok was born, and that got a lot of um people saying, why aren't we talking about this more? And so at the time, my my friend Leslie, who is our moderator today, thank you, Leslie, and um, and my bestie Adrienne, who is in the chat, I was saying I should start a podcast called Sex, Perimenopause, and Puppies. And that's what we could talk about. But it it just dialed down to like, we just want to talk about perimenopause; sex is included in that, of course, and we will be talking about that on the podcast. Um, but I just wanted to have this conversation on a wider scale. And podcasting seemed like the easiest way to just get the information out of the out there into the world. And we're not celebrities who are often, you know, having their own podcasts to maybe hawk supplements or, you know, they're talking about other things. They're not just focused on perimenopause, or if they're a perimenopause and menopause podcast that are out there already, it's usually a doctor who's telling you doctor-y things, or and we just wanted to come on here with a beverage and share horror stories we've been going through so that nobody feels alone. And and maybe you're hearing something today from one of us that's like, oh my God, I've been going through that too, and I had no idea that was a perimenopause symptom. And I have three younger sisters who are going through it now.

Dom 4:48

Oh man.

Marni 4:49

I went through it early, and we'll talk about that in a minute, too. But but I want everybody to know what's happening, what's gonna happen, and have some besties to just bitch about it with.

Dom 5:00

Yes, thank you, Marni. Thank you, Auntie Marni.

Marni 5:04

You're welcome.

What are we drinking?

Marni 5:05

And what are you drinking today, Dom?

Dom 5:07

I am drinking a rose. I don't know what rose. I

marker 3

Dom 5:13

walked to the corner earlier and I bought a bottle. That's all I know.

Marni 5:18

I love it. I love it. And I am drinking a Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc because I'm bougie like that. And because--

Dom 5:24

 Love me some Kim Crawford.

Marni 5:24

--oh, so good. And my husband's a wine and cheese buyer, so we always have wine around the house.

Dom 5:29

Wait, how did I not--? Okay, sleepover at Marni's...

Marni 5:32

Yeah, oh my gosh. We have a specific drawer that's just filled with cheeses. Yes. And I also want to uh I also just want to give a shout out to my CBD because uh it helps my anxiety. So pardon me while I-- I get a little less anxious.

Dom 5:51

Oh, that's smart. I'm just gonna keep guzzling. Um our origin stories, Marni, my my perimenopause, menopause, Yoda. Tell me, yes, tell me what tell me everything, your

Marni's Perimenopause Origin Story

Dom 6:12

story.

Marni 6:12

Okay. So my origin story starts because I had a kid very late in life. I was 41 when I had my kiddo and needed a lot of help with that. So I wanted to breastfeed them as long as possible. And so by the time they were three, they had teeth and it wasn't very comfortable anymore. And so we we gradually weaned off. And when I weaned my kiddo, all of my hormones went whoosh. And at the same time, I was 44, and the rest of my hormones went whoosh. And so it was just like uh every single day, I-- it was felt like I had a weight sitting on my chest and I wanted to cry all the time, or I wanted to like unalive people. I mean, not for reals, but like seriously, every everything and everyone was irritating me to the point of rage. And I went to my OBGYN and she said, How have your cycles been? And I was like, Oh, well, you know, like they're a little closer than they used to be. And she kind of gave me the side eye. And I was like, no. She's like, mm-hmm, she went through it at 40. So she she like she's an OBGYN.

Dom 7:17

Like full menopause or perimenopause?

Marni 7:19

Full menopause. Full menopause at 40.

Dom 7:21

Whoa.

Marni 7:22

Yeah. And so she's like, okay, so here's what's gonna happen. Your periods are gonna start getting closer and closer together, and then they're gonna start skipping. And you're gonna think you're pregnant, maybe hope that you're pregnant, and you're gonna take a bunch of pregnancy tests, and you'll be like, not pregnant, I'm just old. And then it all like once they start skipping, then the clock starts. And menopause is just one day. So menopause is the one-year anniversary where you've had no bleeding at all.

Dom 7:50

Whoa.

Marni 7:51

Menopause is just one day. And we all talk about menopause and going through menopause, but literally, it's perimenopause is what we're going through. And menopause is the one-year anniversary of having no bleeding whatsoever.

Dom 8:05

No shit...

Marni 8:05

No shit.

Dom 8:06

I had no idea.

Marni 8:07

See, you're learning stuff already.

Dom 8:08

But I had no clue.

Marni 8:09

This is amazing.

Dom 8:08

I thought I was gonna go through years of perimenopause and then years of menopause.

Marni 8:13

No, no. It's so everything after that one-year anniversary is post-menopause, which is where I am now. But I-- I went through it from 44 to 49. I was 49 when I had my last period. This was a decade. I take it back. I was 48 when I had my last period, and I was 49 when I had the year anniversary. So I suffered for about four years. Perimenopause can last up to 12 years. I know, sorry to tell you that. But some people have absolutely no symptoms whatsoever. So there's this huge range of what people go through, and doctors get maybe a couple of hours to a couple of days in their entire medical career on menopause, even though half the population-- exactly-- is gonna go through it at some point. Fully half the population, but women of childbearing, potential childbearing age were not allowed to be involved in uh clinical trials until 1993.

Dom 9:15

Jesus fucking Christ.

Marni 9:16

Yeah. So there's been no studies done on this, and we are like fully half the population, and we're the ones who have purchasing power. So, like, I think people are figuring out that they can hawk supplements to us, like we were talking about, and we'll we're so desperate for relief because nobody knows anything that will try anything to make it better. And that's that's where the bitching part comes in. Cause it's it's like I've tried so many supplements, and I swear to you, like maybe one or two of them has really helped me, and we'll talk about which ones, but like it was an eye-opening experience because I was the first one of all my friends to go through it.

Dom 9:54

Oh my god.

Marni 9:55

My mom didn't go through it until she was like 56. And side note, a lot of doctors is like, well, when did your mom go through it? That's you know, what did she have happen? And it has no bearing on what you go through. Because, like, I mean, and also what if you're adopted? What if your mom isn't around anymore and you're she's not around to ask you? That's such-- it's such a cop out. And if anybody's doctor says that to them, go to NAMS, which is the national, it used to be like the National Association of Perimenopause Specialists, but they've changed it. It's NAMS.org and find yourself a period-- a menopause specialist near you. They're all over the country. And if they're certified by NAMS, they're good. So if anybody's like, hey, you're too young to be in perimenopause because you're x age and your mom didn't go through it until whenever, just tell them, mm-mm. No, I have a I have a good friend who went through it in her 30s.

Dom 10:47

Oh my God.

Marni 10:48

So let me go back to the uh the timeline thing too.

Dom 10:52

Yeah.

Marni 10:52

So the timeline is that after you have, you know, you're used to counting your days of your periods, right? And we put them into a planner or we put them into I used to put like a little sad face on my calendar when I was expecting it.

Dom 11:04

I had a red dot.

Marni 11:07

So like I was like, I was like clockwork 28 days, 28 days, 28 days. And then all of a sudden it started to be 21 days, and then 21 days, and then it was 18 days.

Dom 11:18

Oh my god.

Marni 11:18

And then it was like 14 days. So it was like I was having two periods a month, and then they started skipping. And because I was like, we had the one kid, we wanted more kids, and so I was like thinking, well, maybe-- this is how whoops babies happen in your 40s, people is because you don't know when you're ovulating, it's not regular anymore. Your body's like, oh, let me get rid of all these eggs and have no pattern to it.

Dom 11:40

Glad I got my husband fixed.

Marni 11:42

Ah, see, there you go. Exactly. Exactly. So once you have another period, the clock starts over again. So like I wouldn't have a period for like three months and be like, yay, I'm almost done. And then I'd get a period and then be like, um, so then the clock starts over. The worst time was when I went nine months without a period, and then I got my period again. I was so mad. I was like, so ready to be done.

Dom 12:07

Stop it.

Marni 12:08

So ready to be done. And it was nine months and it it started. I I've heard of people who were like, it's 11 months and 15 days, and they get another period and the clock starts over.

Dom 12:17

No... it starts all over again with that-- with that period.

Marni 12:20

Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.

Dom 12:22

Oh, fuck that.

Marni 12:23

And towards the end, it was like crime scene level of bleeding. It was like soaking through an overnight maxi in like four hours. It was it it gets pretty gross by the end. But when you're done, you can wear white pants whenever you want. And I think we should

Dom 12:38

I mean that's something to look fore-- I mean, except for I spill shit all over myself all the time anyhow.

Marni 12:43

Well, there is that.

Dom 12:43

So, but I mean, I guess like it's one less stain.

Marni 12:47

(laughs) Exactly. White sheets! (both laugh) Um, like, yeah, exactly. So I think we should have like white pants parties for people who finally--

Dom 12:56

White Pants Party!!!

Marni 12:56

Don't you think?

Dom 12:57

Yeah!

Marni 12:58

Wouldn't it be an amazing idea? Like your friends all go in together and you have like a registry of the most expensive, wonderful white pants that you've ever wanted, or white dress or white skirt or whatever. And your friends like band together and buy you this beautiful pair of white like undergarments or pants or a skirt or something, and that like we celebrate the fact that you don't have to pay the pink tax anymore, right?

Dom 13:23

The pink tax?

Marni 13:24

The pink tax, yeah.

Dom 13:25

I've never heard that term before. That's amazing!

Marni 13:28

All the women's products, and then like all the things that are that are the same on both sides. Like a razor is a razor, right? But the pink razors cost more than the blue razors. It's ridiculous.

Dom 13:38

It's so... hashtag unsubscribe. Thank you very much.

Marni 13:41

Exactly. So now that I've talked my ass off, Dom, what's your perimenopause origin story?

Dom's Perimenopause Origin Story

Marni 13:50 Dom 13:50

Oh, sweet Jesus. Okay, well, I am in it. And I only actually fast forward and then rewind, I only just had a medical professional confirm for me that I was in it um at the beginning of this year. But I I started showing symptoms a month before my 40th birthday, and I am almost 44. Yeah. So so I am an elder millennial, a xennial, uh, just to ground us in my age here. Marni and I were talking about our first, the first albums we bought with our own money the other day. And mine, mine was Green Day Dookie on a cassette that I played on my Sony, yellow Sony cassette player. So, in case I have any other elder millennials here, you know what I'm talking about. So, a month before my 40th birthday, I started to have restless legs. All of a sudden, I went to sleep and I could not sleep. My legs just like that felt like I was having little electrical pulses in my legs, and I could not fall asleep from it. And at the time, I thought I was lifting way heavy weights back then, and I had just increased my weight the day before, and I thought, oh, this is just from yesterday's workout. Except it never went away. And then that same month, I started getting night sweats, just waking up completely soaked in sweat. My husband Ian would be sound asleep. So I'm like, I can't change the sheets on him at two in the morning. So I'd go get a beach towel and lay it over my sweat spot in the bed and just go back to sleep. That was sexy. I didn't-- thought I stopped using towels in the bed when I was, you know, in my 20s for a different reason. So

Marni 15:38

Everybody's got a red towel somewhere. I'm just saying.

Dom 15:41

Sorry, guys, I've got no, I got no TMI. Sorry, friends.

Marni 15:45

And that's not what this is for. Like, seriously, we want to be like as much as possible, like no TMI-- Like there is no such thing as TMI on this podcast.

Dom 15:55

Um...

Marni 15:56

So go for it.

Dom 15:56

And so then within the next that same month, my periods started to get wicked heavy and wicked painful. So, like, just awful. And we had just moved to Oregon and I went to go see a brand new OBGYN for me. And I and at the time, we had just started to see some social media influencers talking about perimenopause and menopause. One of them was Dr. Marie Claire. And so I was just watching her posts every day. And I wrote everything down. And I'm like, I think this is me. And so I went to this OB/GYN and she-- and I started to describe my symptoms. And she goes, You're not in perimenopause. And I was like, but and she's like, You're too young.

Marni 16:48

Oh my god.

Dom 16:49

And I'm like, but and she's like, no, why don't we? She's like, that's just your body. That's literally what she told me. That's just your body, that's just your period. Let's put you on the pill.

Marni 16:59

Oh, are you kidding me right now?

Dom 17:01

Not joking. And then I was like, okay, but I've been on various forms of birth control since I was 18 years old. And I've had a bad reaction to every single one. I had a legit been on almost every oral contraceptive, the Mirena, the Nuvaring, the Nexplanon. Name it, I've been on it. And she's like, Well, which one's the one that you had the least reaction to? And I told her. And she's like, Well, let's just put you back on that and see how it goes. And I was like, uh, okay.

Marni 17:32

I'm so sorry.

Dom 17:33

Um, and so I was like, and at the time, I was still in this phase of my life where I wasn't so comfortable speaking up. I was a little bit quieter. I was like, you're the professional. I read this on social media. So I guess uh you're right. So um time goes by. I see another doctor the next year. I've got new symptoms. I tell her it, you're not in perimenopause, you're too young. Let's test your thyroid. Oh my god, I'm so hot. I'm opening my door. I'm in my please, everybody, I'm in my vocal booth and it's so hot. Can you see the sweat?

Marni 18:18

No, actually, you can't. You're totally great.

Dom 18:20

Well, I'm gonna pat it.

Marni 18:22

I love it. My door is also open, but oh my god.

Dom 18:26

I'm also wearing like a little cooling neck thing, but it's already thawing on me.

Marni 18:30

Oh my god. I wish I had I I have a fan. I wish I could hand this through the thing.

Dom 18:35

My fan's out there. I might get it in a second.

Marni 18:37

You might, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you need to, please do.

Dom 18:39

I'm gonna finish the story though.

Marni 18:41

Okay, go ahead, go ahead.

Dom 18:42

So so a year later, different doctor, different state. You're too young.

Marni 18:49

Another one?

Dom 18:50

Let's test your thyroid. I'm like, it's not my thyroid.

Marni 18:54

Oh Jesus.

Dom 18:55

Yeah. So I have now three, three doctors in. Oh my god. So 40, 41, 42. I don't go anywhere when I turn 43. I say wait, I'm 43 now.

Marni 19:08

Oh my god.

Dom 19:09

I'm for-- I'm almost 44. So 40 before I turn 40, then 41 and 42. Those are those three years, three different doctors.

Marni 19:16

Oh my god.

Dom 19:17

Same, same line. Too young. You're too young. You're too young.

Marni 19:20

That's such bullshit. I'm so sorry.

Dom 19:22

That's just your that's just your period. Oh my god. Meanwhile, meanwhile, I am seeing online and on social media as one of my few resources, yeah, that there is not only not a lot of research on this for women in general, but for women of color specifically.

Marni 19:40

Yeah, sure.

Dom 19:41

Black women, Asian women, Latina women, it it's even less. And there is some data that says that we actually can start sooner than Caucasian women.

Marni 19:54

Yeah.

Dom 19:55

And so I'm seeing this online, and I'm having-- no offense, white doctors tell me.

Marni 20:01

Not-- none taken. Yeah, they suck.

Dom 20:03

Yeah. And so finally, um, and again, I'm getting I'm getting information from where I can, from friends, from online, and just doing whatever little things I can, like buying the wicked fucking expensive supplements that those celebrities are hawking online. Because I'm like, well, maybe this will make me feel less like shit.

Marni 20:24

Yeah.

Dom 20:24

So... 

Marni 20:24 Marni 20:24

Try anything!

Dom 20:27

And then finally at the beginning of this year, I I was looking just for a primary doctor, and I found a Filipina woman who had her own private practice who did not take insurance. It was a membership practice because she for many reasons, one of which the restrictions that were put on her if she went-- billed through insurance.

Marni 20:46

Oh my God.

Dom 20:48

And I went and saw her, and she sat with me for two hours.

Marni 20:53

Wow.

Dom 20:54

And we just talked about everything. And she was like, I'm not an OB/GYN, I am not a specialist. This is not my area of expertise, but you are clearly in perimenopause. And I I cried. I just started bawling my eyes out right there. And she held my hand because it was like this feeling of almost four years of having professionals tell me that what I was saying, what was happening with my body, wasn't like wasn't anything.

Marni 21:23

Oh my God.

Dom 21:24

And it was just normal. And I'm like, yeah, I guess technically it is normal for the human female body with ovaries to go through that, but like help me.

Marni 21:33

Yeah. And it's called: perimenopause!

Dom 21:36

But there's a diagnosis for it.

Marni 21:38

Yeah. Yeah.

Dom 21:38

And so she sits there and she goes online on her database, and she was like, I can't help you with all of this. This is not my area. But she's like, let's at least get you on progesterone. Because that by the time I went and saw her, I was having such heavy and horrible periods for at least two days a month. I didn't leave the house because I was. Bleeding so much. I'm gonna get real gross people.

Marni 22:04

Go ahead -- TMI.

Dom 22:05

I used to just have to go sit on the toilet and hang out there because like it was bleeding so much. I was going to stain everything.

Marni 22:14

Oh my god.

Dom 22:14

Um, and I was wearing like the cup and the disc or the cup or the disc plus period underwear, and it still was awful.

Marni 22:23

Oh my god.

Dom 22:24

And also the pain was so heavy, I would just lay on the couch with a heating pad, one on my back and one on my front, and cry.

Marni 22:33

Oh my god.

Dom 22:34

For at least two days a month, this was happening. And she's like, Well, let's let's get you on some progesterone and see if that helps. And it has, it has helped. Except now I have three week periods. I'm bleeding for three weeks out of the month.

Marni 22:50

Oh my god!

Dom 22:51

Not-- it's not nearly as heavy or painful, but I'm literally bleeding.

Marni 22:58

I'm so sorry. That's awful. That is awful. I'm so sorry.

Dom 23:05

I kind of feel like my origin story. I'm in my origin story right now. It's this is this is what's happening. And I still don't have a specialist. I don't have uh, but we'll talk about that in a minute when we start talking about specialists.

Marni 23:19

But oh my god, I'm so sorry you've been through all that. Like, wow, just what an awful thing to have to go through, and also just like uh people not believing you. That's that's like the key thing. Plus, now you have so much more experience and expertise than uh than any doctor has because you've had more experience than they have.

Dom 23:46

Yes!

Marni 23:47

You didn't-- yeah.

Dom 23:49

I find it also kind of I get it, you don't want to make medical decisions based off of what you see on social media. But I've said this to a man the other day who was like, Well, yeah, I mean, like it's social media. And I go, guess what, asshole? Uh, if we have no other resource besides what we're telling each other on social media, then what the hell else are we gonna do?

Marni 24:12

The doctors aren't helping us, and before social media, we didn't even have this conversation.

Dom 24:18

No!

Marni 24:18

At all. Like, no-- like you would talk to your friends who maybe had been through it and maybe had not, and are completely different people than you are. We need to crowdsource this shit because seriously, it it we are so far behind in in studying any of this. So, oh honey, I just want to give you a hug. Like, mmm!

Dom 24:39

Not now I'm so sweaty. (laughs)

Marni 24:40

I know. All right, when you're when you're cooled down, I'll give you the hug.

Dom 24:46

Like, this is like mush now. It's like lukewarm, but I'm still leaving it there.

Marni 24:49

Oh my god. It does get better, it does get better, I swear to you. Um, like, oh, well, should we talk about like finding a menopause specialist that believes in

Finding a Menopause Specialist Who Believes You

Marni 25:00

you?

Dom 25:00

Yes, yes. So, like Marni, my question for you is as someone, I don't have an OB/GYN, I don't have a menopause specialist, I haven't been to a specialist or an OB, I haven't been to a specialist ever, and I haven't been to an OB/GYN in over a year

Marni 25:18

Because they were dicks.

Dom 25:19

So I'm actually gonna use this podcast as my account-- my accountability group to say that I'm going to get myself a specialist after.

Marni 25:29

Yes, everybody, bitches in heat podcast at gmail.com. You can always write to Dom and say, Hey, do you have a specialist yet?

Dom 25:37

Yeah, please, please do it because I'm also ADHD. So I'm not gonna have I'm I say this now and then I'm gonna fucking forget in like two hours.

Marni 25:45

Oh my god. That was actually I found out um that I was in perimenopause because um period well, I found out I was ADHD because perimenopause mimics the-- the symptoms of ADHD.

Dom 26:00

Wait, tell us more, keep going.

Marni 26:01

Okay, so um my kiddo also has ADHD, and it's gotta come from somewhere. It's it's me. Um, and so I was listening to all kinds of podcasts about ADHD, and there's this great podcast called Faster Than Normal. Uh, Peter Shankman is the host, and he um interviews people who have ADHD, who run their own businesses, who run Fortune 500 companies, who are major actors and all the who are thriving with ADHD. And one of the one of the people that he interviewed was a woman who said that um perimenopause, I think she was a doctor, perimenopause mimics the symptoms of ADHD. And I was like, oh, that's it. That's it. I I am in perimenopause, so I'm having all these ADHD symptoms. And then I got through perimenopause. It turns out perimenopause exacerbates the symptoms of ADHD. So if you already have ADHD, perimenopause makes it worse. Happy days, right? Like, oh my god.

Dom 27:05

That's like the worst news ever.

Marni 27:06

I know, I know. Sorry. But like, like, I'm actually that's part, that's I'm writing my memoir. Uh, it's called Nobody Told Me about getting to my ADHD diagnosis through perimenopause. And most of it came from social media. Because finally, there's a large platform for people who have been going through this to tell their stories. And there's stories that usually are hidden behind closed doors, right? Like we Gen Xers were raised by Boomers who were raised by the Silent Generation who definitely didn't talk about perimenopause. And then, um, and then the Boomers had us very young, most of them. So my mom was 24. She might be even in the chat. Um, she was 24 when she had me. So by the time she went through it at 56, I was on to my own life. Like, you know, I like I was 32 at that point. I was 32. So, like, when we're gonna get on the phone, you know, to say, how's it going? When I'm, you know, up in New York and she's back at home. And like, we're not gonna spend our time on the phone talking about, oh my god, my hot flashes are insane, like she's just suffering in silence. So, and I'm not a candidate for um for progesterone or estro estrogen, any any um hormone replacement therapy, unfortunately, because I have a blood clotting disorder. And even though hormone replacement therapy is very safe for most people, it's not safe for me because of the blood clotting disorder. I had a blood clot in my leg and one in each of my lungs uh 21 years ago now. And um, and and so and I had been on the pill, and then from then on they were like no hormones for you at all. Like you can't have any hormones whatsoever.

Dom 28:55

Oh my god.

Marni 28:56

Yeah, because I don't want to end up, you know, with a blood clot that's gonna do terrible things to me. You were talking about your your pain too. Did you see the study where they said that the uh that like period pain is the same, like worse than having a heart attack?

Dom 29:14

I believe it.

Marni 29:15

So then most women who are having a heart attack, it's like, oh, you know, I'm a little uncomfortable because we're so used to so they don't recognize that they're having a heart attack because we're so used to worse pain.

Dom 29:27

I shouldn't laugh at that...

Marni 29:28

I mean, I know, but still, that's why that's why like it's different. When people who are born uh assigned female at birth and people who are assigned male at birth have different bodies, and so you can't take you know health studies that were done on young, healthy males and attribute the the real results to middle-aged uh women or people who are assigned female at birth, because of course uh trans men go through this too. Um, you know, so if you have ovaries, if you still have your ovaries, all this stuff applies to you. So, yeah.

Dom 30:07

I feel like I feel like when we watch this video back, it's just gonna be my face going like this the entire time. For those who are only listening and not watching us, the face I just made was my mouth was open and I looked simultaneously shocked and stupid.

Marni 30:26

And slightly disgusted, I must say.

Dom 30:28

Slightly disgusted. While sweating.

Marni 30:31

While sweating, while sweating. Yes. I I had to wash my hair before I came in here because I have been running around all day. It's like the the quintessential, oh my god, something is happening later in the day and I have ADHD, so nothing else exists.

Dom 30:46

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Marni 30:47

Oh, did I tell you that it took me two hours to find my keys this morning? So it's like ADHD plus plus menopause. Um, and I didn't find the keys I was looking for. I found the keys that got lost two and a half months ago.

Dom 31:02

I mean, you found a set of keys.

Marni 31:04

That-- it's a set of keys. It and we can drive the car now, which is good.

Dom 31:07

Great, great. So the wish was still granted. You know, it wasn't it wasn't specific enough, but you still got what you wish for. You got the keys.

Marni 31:15

I know. And it was like the-- yeah, there's a another key somewhere in the house. But who knows where it is.

Dom 31:20

Well, the next time you lose these keys, you'll find those.

Marni 31:23

Exactly. (laughs) Oh my gosh. Brain fog. We are gonna have a whole episode on brain fog. Whole episode. Because oh my god.

Dom 31:32

Yeah. That's been that's been real fucking fun. Words are-- um also I'm sweating, I'm putting my hair in a ponytail while we talk.

Marni 31:41

Um please do, please do, and I might actually just come with pigtails next time because then that way.

Dom 31:48

Yeah, please enjoy watching us guys, because this is not gonna be one of those fancy celebrity podcasts with the professional makeup and the hair all done. We're gonna be sitting here sweating and pulling our hair back. And I'm pretty sure I should have put a towel underneath my ass because I'm sweating

Stories From the Chat

Dom 32:08

so bad.

Marni 32:09

Oh my god, Courtney said I've lost three different credit cards in the past few months. My husband loves me.

Dom 32:16

I've definitely-- the amount of times I've left credit cards places, and then my husband's like, God damn it, Dom. Because then he's the one that gets on the phone and makes the call to get the replacement. I get it. I get it, lovey.

Marni 32:28

Oh my gosh. It's so funny. You know, I'm actually looking in the chat now and then like-- hashtag not a doctor. Yes.

Dom 32:36

Hashtag not a doctor.

Marni 32:37

Not a doctor. Um, and then like, um, how do we all not know that like menopause is just one day, right? It's 12 months anniversary after your last one. And then like, oh God, uh Sarah was in perimenopause for eight years. I'm so sorry, Sarah. Like, I know uh Courtney says her 12-year-old is getting an education on the way to baseball right now. See, I--

Dom 33:07

Teach 'em young!

Marni 33:09

That's right!

Dom 33:09

Teach them young.

Marni 33:10

If more people knew about this, if more people knew about that, menopausal rage is a thing. It's like your hormones are completely like you know, you know, hitting on every last nerve. And if if partners knew that their partner was going through this, the more understanding, I think there will be a lot fewer divorces in midlife, honestly. I really do.

Dom 33:36

I feel like I've seen a stat that a lot of divorces happen during the age range of the the general age range of perimenopause and menopause. Yeah, it's like the highest divorce rate time for marriages.

Marni 33:50

And and plus also like estrogen gives you the um the feelings of I want to take care of everyone. And when you don't have that estrogen, it's like fuck you. Like you're gonna be an asshole now. And I I don't feel like taking care of you right now. The the fucks that I have to give are like out of here. Sarah's like, Siri, find my phone 12 times daily.

Dom 34:14

I will, I will say I actually like that part of Perimenopause as a recovering people pleaser for most of my life.

Marni 34:22

Yes.

Dom 34:22

I feel like I've kind of like I said, you know, when I was turning 40 and I was just taking the doctors for the at their word, I've uh I feel like now that I've sort of crossed into the I don't give a fuck phase.

Marni 34:36

Yes, exactly.

Dom 34:37

I feel there's a little bit of a freedom for me now.

Marni 34:41

Yeah.

Dom 34:41

Um, which has been actually a really awesome part of this. I don't think it fully makes up for the fact that I have to shower twice a day right now, but it's nice.

Marni 34:56

And that does get better too. That does get better too. I was taking um Veozah for my hot flashes for a while and then it stopped working. So I took it for almost a year. And that did help. Veozah is a new medication, and there's uh my my uh OB/GYN just told me there's another one. Um, and again, we're not doctors, but um, if you check with your menopause specialist, which we'll talk about in a second, by the way, Colleen said jump on your specialist journey now, Dom, because the wait for a new patient appointment can be shockingly long, especially for the best providers. So thank you, Colleen.

Dom 35:30

Thank you. Feel free, everybody, to remind me again.

Marni 35:35

Yes, exactly. Exactly. So, um, so Veozah. My my uh OBGYN happens to be a menopause specialist, and I think she got that specifically because she went through it so early, and she knew that nobody teaches you this. Like nobody it's getting better. Dr. Heather Hirsch has a menopause group, and she's been studying, like she's been seeing menopause a woman, perimenopause woman for 10 years, and she's just now starting to go through it herself. Um, but she wrote a book called Unlock Your Menopause Type that I I directed the audiobook for. She's so sweet. Oh my gosh, she's so sweet. Um, so definitely uh write that down in the chat. Unlock your menopause type. Um, and she's just lovely. Follow her on Instagram, follow her wherever you go on social media, Dr. Heather Hirsch, uh H-I-R-S-C-H. She's uh got a practice in Manhattan, I think.

Dom 36:36

Okay.

Marni 36:37

Um but she's also like if you saw Oprah's um panel with like Drew Barrymore and Maria Shriver and uh Gail, her best friend, and then like there was one person who wasn't famous on that. That's Dr. Heather Hirsch. She's...

Dom 36:53

Wow, okay.

Marni 36:53

She's amazing. And she also has a new book out. Um Perimenopause is in the title, but it's like it's something about managing your perimenopause. Unlock your menopause type is oh yeah, we're gonna have a whole new conversation about the cost of HRT. We'll talk about that too in a minute. Um, but Heather Hirsch, unlock your menopause type has like all these different symptoms because another fun fact, there are over a hundred symptoms of perimenopause. Over a hundred. Cool. Most people, the great majority, have hot flashes and night sweats. A lot of people have itchy skin because like the estrogen drains all the liquid out of your body. So like that's why dry eyes are a thing. Yeah, dry skin, dry eyes, like itchy ears. Worst. It's awful. Um, but like I always have like lotion with me everywhere. I've got like two things in here. Um, and I also have um dry eye drops in every room where I spend time. Because I can hear myself blink.

Dom 38:02

It's like you know, it's so I thought I was wondering if I was having like an uptick in allergy issues.

Marni 38:11

Oh yeah.

Dom 38:12

Because my eyes have my eyes have been bothering me. I've been itchy. Like the amount of times I'm like, Ian, Ian, scratch my back, it itches so bad. And I'm like, and I thought I was having an allergic reaction to something.

Marni 38:27

Yeah.

Dom 38:28

So this could also be all part of it could be part of perimenopause.

Marni 38:32

I mean, you did just move, so it could be new allergens in your in your environment, but it could also just be menopause and perimenopause. Um, because because I mean, we'll talk about like uh dry vaginas. Can we talk about that for a second? Like, I know, I'm sorry, but like this is why like they talk about painful sex, but it's because there's no lubrication! And you know, decrease in libido. All of these are going to be separate bitching discussions in this podcast, by the way. Um, be careful with eye drops, they're addictive, says Remy's mama. Um, breast cancer uh treatment means you get no peri, you get just get plunged into instant chemical menopause that compresses all the sweaty misery into about three months good times. Oh my God. And uh I am so sorry that you went through that, and that sucks. That sucks.

Dom 39:23

Yeah, that sucks so hard. I'm sorry.

Marni 39:25

I am so sorry, but I'm so glad you're on the other side of it. And um, I hope that that everything is clear and continued good health to you, Remy's mama. Um, yeah, it's just like eughhhh. it's awful.

Dom 39:39

Seriously.

Marni 39:40

So they these are so these ones, um, they're dry eye lubricating eye drops. Um, and they're made the the brand that I use is called Blink. Again, we're not sponsored by Blink, but um, but uh there are some that are just saline and then there are some that are lubricating. Um Vise-- Visine, I think you should be super careful with, but like, yeah, definitely try to have as much hydration in your home as possible. Drink a lot of water because you're-- and electrolytes. Electrolytes are a huge thing. I just started taking Buoy electrolytes, and I do have um thanks, but it also got it over with. There's postmeno zest, it is a thing. That is true.

Dom 40:25

Oooh! That gives me hope!

Marni 40:27

Yes. On I'm on the other side of it, and I gotta say, postmeno zest, yes, it is amazing on this side.

Dom 40:35

Well that's nice.

Marni 40:37

Yeah, it's just like seriously, I have zero fucks left to give. They're all gone.

Dom 40:41

I'm here for that.

Marni 40:42

So I don't, you know, uh the people pleasing, it uh it goes away with the loss of the estrogen. So

Dom 40:50

I love it. That part, byeeeeeee.

Marni 40:54

Exactly. (both laugh) Dom and I had so much fun talking that we needed to split this episode into two episodes. So join us next Tuesday for the second part of our menopause origin stories here on Bitches and Heat.

Credits

Marni 41:08

Bitches and Heat Podcast is a co-production of Marni Penning Narration LLC and Dom Salvation. Dom and Marni are not medical professionals, and their advice should not be construed as such. They're just a couple of middle-aged hotties bitching about perimenopause and everything that surrounds it. If you'd like to join us for a live recording, you can become a supporter of the podcast at Bitchesandheatpodcast.com. Make sure you add the word podcast or you won't reach us. The other is a verrrrrrry different website. Also make sure to check out our hotties merch at bitchesinheatpodcast.myshopify.com. If you have a suggestion for a future podcast, write to us at bitchesinheatpodcast at gmail.com or visit our website, bitchesinheatpodcast.com to send us some fan mail. Please note that no part of this audio may be used or reproduced in any manner for the purpose of training artificial intelligence technologies or systems. Copyright 2026, all rights reserved.