Stonewalled & Discarded - A Narcassists way to Punish but An Empaths Power Move

In this episode, I dive into the tangled psychology of narcissism — the cheating, the lies, the stonewalling, the discarding — and the emotional warfare used to keep an empath small. Narcissists believe their silence is punishment, their betrayal is dominance, and their abandonment is control. But for an empath, these moments often become the turning point.

I explore how the very tactics meant to break a victim can become the catalyst for clarity, awakening, and reclaiming personal power. Through real stories, behavioral breakdowns, and trauma-informed insight, this episode unpacks the cycle of manipulation and reveals the hidden strength in emotional sensitivity.

Transcript

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Welcome back to Turning the Quarter. I'm your host, Tiff. This is season one, episode 17. Thank you for tuning in. Turning the Corner has been a process for the past two weeks. But thank you, listeners, for putting this on the map locally. My True Prime with Tiff Klein podcast has made it to multiple countries, cities, and states. But this one, this one's hitting Pennsylvania pretty hard and pretty locally, which is the goal. So thank you for tuning in and hearing the truth. Thank you for learning what narcissists and cheating and lying and manipulation and gaslighting is all about. Thank you for tuning in to keep that it's not always the other woman. So, with that being said, this episode, I told you I'm gonna talk more about narcissists and educate you on them because there are several different kinds. And recently I dealt with a covert narcissist. Now the coverts are the poor woe is me. Everything is is everybody else's fault, and the world is out to get me. And nobody knows what goes on through my head, and nobody knows what it's like to run two businesses and have a toddler and a wife and two girlfriends. They don't know how much it burns me out. They don't understand what goes on through my head. Well, no shit, Sherlock. When you live a life of false falseness and wear a mask and live three different lives with three different women, of course nobody's gonna understand. I'd be fucking burnt out too if I had to be three different people and juggle them all at the same time. But the thing is with narcissists, they like to have power and control. It gives them some sorts of sense of self. Okay. Now, if you listen to the first two episodes, you'll understand that I've been through it. If you listen to the ones I uploaded from True Crime with Tiff Klein on this podcast, you'll understand that I've been through more of it. I have dealt with several narcissists. I have dated narcissists, I'm related to some narcissists, and you don't really know what a narcissist is until you get away from one. And then suddenly they're everywhere. But once in a while, some motherfucker can play the game a little harder than the rest, a little better than the rest, until they get caught. Because they always get caught. So because I'm an empath and I've been through extreme cases of abuse, I pick up on things. I watch signs, I listen to phrases, I watch body language, I pay attention to detail, but apparently with this last one, I didn't do it enough. I let my guard down too much. I did trust myself, and I wanted to believe somebody that they were the good guy that I thought they were. My fault, my bad. But I want to talk about something that narcissists do to their victims to hold control. Now, I've been abused in many ways: physical, financial, verbal, mental, emotional, narcissistic. Narcissistic is the worst if you've survived physical, which most abusers are narcissists. Most yeah. They like to use this power tool called stonewalling. You know, when you're trying to have a conversation with somebody and it's just, it's like talking to a brick wall, you get no response, no reaction, no remorse. They block you on all the social media apps, they block your number, or they communicate on their terms when they feel like it. You can scream, you can cry, you could plead, you can be on your knees and beg, you could say the most rotten things in the world, the kindest things in the world, and they don't budge. It's called stonewalling. And narcissists like to use this technique to hold power over their victims. Then they do the discard where they just completely erase you out of their life as if you never existed. So therefore, it depletes your worth, your self-esteem, any hope. It gives you anxiety, it leaves you in a world of uncertainty and darkness. Your brain is spiraling because it can't make sense of what happened, because we're social creatures. We're supposed to communicate. And they like this because to them, it's giving them the control of their victim. Their victim is still spiraling out, still pleading, still begging for their time and attention, still trying to fix that even though they didn't do anything wrong, but the narcissist did. That's the whole dynamic. And this narcissist that I have currently dealt with didn't see that he was a narcissist until after the fact, which is odd for me, but that's a covert narcissist. Covert ones are harder to spot, but they're kind, they're gentle, they're calm, they have this really good image about themselves, and they think everybody thinks they're a good person. They maintain that image very well. They know how to juggle it, and they know how to tell you a story to manipulate you to make you feel bad for them, even though they did something wrong. And it's poor what with me. Everything just sucks for them. They made one mistake and now their life is ruined, and it doesn't matter what they do or say, nothing changes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's a pity party, get out the violin. Okay. This one in particular knew everything I've gone through in the past eight years and in the one prior with the relationship prior to that one. He knows that stonewalling triggers the fuck out of me. It depletes my sense of self-esteem. It kills my worth. It kills any value that I feel like I have in people's lives. Because my exes have done that to me as punishment when I called them out for cheating, lying, abusing, anything that made me feel bad, anything that could hurt me, they would treat it with silence for days, for weeks, until it taught me a lesson to not be a voice and to not speak. I was to be seen and not heard. So it really caused a big trauma in my life, more so than any other type of abuse. And when I called this person out, you know, a week a week or so ago, tried holding them accountable, you know, the there's no remorse, no guilt, just sorry, Tiff, I mean it. Or I don't know what you want me to do, the damage is done, there's nothing I can do to fix it. No, you could be a man and grow some balls and try to fix it, but that's too hard. So instead, because you don't you can't deal with conflict or confrontation, it's easier just to run and hide with no balls. So now you block me and this other girl and all your social medias, your phone, as if we never existed. Because you cheated on me, you cheated on her, and you cheated on your wife all at the same time. You wrecked all of this, not us. We just brought it to light and we exposed you for who you are. And now that your image, your perfect image and your last name is ruined, and everybody in the community that knows you now knows for the most part, or at least has an idea, because people are listening to these podcasts and have been sent messages from somebody else, not me, but from somebody else, people know. And what's even crazier is this isn't the first time you've ever done this to somebody. You did this three years ago, and you probably did this 10 years ago, and you probably did this 20 years ago from what people have told me. So you think ignoring me and blocking me on everything is giving you power and some sense of showing your wife you're not gonna do this again. Bullshit. We all know that ain't true. You're trying to cover your tracks right now, changing your Facebook status from separated back to married, so it makes us look like liars. So you don't think anybody's gonna believe us, and so you look like you're this picture perfect husband who's really gonna try hard not to do it again. Cut off all the girls, make your wife think that you're really gonna try this time. You're really, you're really, you you got it this time, even though you've been going to marriage counseling for two and a half years with her and you're still cheating on her, but you you're really gonna try this time. So I'm gonna block all, I'm gonna block all the girls. And what he's gonna do is, yeah, he's gonna block us as if we're the problem. We ruined his life. Remember that. He had the wife and the two girlfriends, but we ruined his life. And uh, once she's comfortable and he has her sucked back in and complacent, so she doesn't divorce him and take him for everything he has. He's gonna find someone else who doesn't know the script. He's gonna find another girl to string along, to get his needs met, to fill something inside that he can't fix himself. Clearly, he needs a new therapist, and he likes the thrill. He likes the chase, he likes the validation. He's addicted to the validation. And nobody will ever be good enough for him. It's not a his wife isn't good enough, it's not that I'm not good enough, it's not that the other girl's not good enough. We're all good enough. We're fucked we're better than that. But it's about him. It's about him making himself feel better. So no what not one woman will ever be enough for him. And that takes a little bit to process because especially when when it's a guy you never thought was this guy or had it in him to be this guy, a guy that I didn't think girls really gave the chance to. So I was like, you know what? He's right in front of my face. I'm gonna give the guy next door a try. He's not the hottest guy on the block. He probably gets looked over all the time. Yeah, okay. Foss, so I don't trust. He was my best friend, a business associate for a long time. And he was the only man I felt safe with that I trusted. If this man can go to this length to hurt me and others, knowing what I've been through and does it anyway, I lost all hope that there's a good man out there. I've lost hope and trust. I will always have trust issues. It doesn't make me insecure. It's I live in reality because this is what I've been shown multiple times. This isn't a, I got hurt one time and now you know I hate man. No, like every man I've dated has shown me this. So that's all I know. It's all I believe. And I thought I gave the good guy a shot. I thought I was like, okay, like he's the one. He's the one that it's been in front of my face the whole time. Give it a try. And I did, and then I got feelings and ended up in the same situation. So just because they're the quote, good guy still doesn't mean shit. But I guess in his mind, blocking us and ignoring us and not, you know, explaining himself or at least giving us the respect to tell us what happened, how this happened, why this happened, he just runs and hides. Now, that's not a you don't mean anything to if you're worthless. I'm just gonna discard you and throw you away like trash. No, he's only doing it because he doesn't want to deal with the consequences. He knows I'm not gonna shut my mouth. He knows I'm not gonna back down. He knows I'm gonna keep going and go when I'm like the energizer rabbit, and he doesn't want to deal with the consequence. He doesn't want to face the reality of what he did. It's not to punish me, even though in his fucking head he could be going, well, I know this bothers her, so I'm gonna stonewall her as punishment. I'll teach her not to speak up. I'm still speaking up. This is episode three. People know. So it's not gonna keep me from talking about it. It's actually motivating me to talk more about it, if anything. So it's he can play the punishment game or play victim all he wants, but in reality, it's because he doesn't want to face who he is. And I'm a mirror, and I'm gonna reflect it back at him. That's the only reason why he's not talking to me. And the other girl, and he's probably trying to tell his wife, like, that's it, I cut them off. I'm not gonna talk to them anymore. Look, see, I'm trying. I promise. I'm trying really hard. And there's gonna be another girl that pops up. That's what they do. So he's right now, he's playing the whole good husband mask. That's what he's wearing right now. You know, changes Facebook back to Marion, even though it said separated, cutting off all the girls he's talked to and dated on the side. I have no contact with them. I promise. I cut them off. And I'm gonna use the classic narcissist line: believe whatever you want. Because if you believe that, let them tell you another joke. Because that's all it is. He's he's reverting back to the good husband, like he did when he cheated on you three years ago. I promise I'll change. Ends up in marriage counseling for two and a half years and continues. And the thing is, he would have kept doing it, ladies and gentlemen, if he was never caught. It's not like he just woke up one day and felt bad and said, shit, I need to come clean and tell all three of these women what I'm doing. No, he had no choice because the proof was out there with screenshots. So if this other girl did not, and I'm just gonna say her name, Maria, if she didn't expose him, because I know she doesn't give a shit, if she didn't expose him, he'd still be doing this to all of us. It's not a moral compass that he came, came to or a realization of shit, I'm being a shitty dirtbag right now. Like I really need to, these girls deserve better. No, he'd be doing it. He'd still be doing it. So he's not sorry. He's sorry he got caught. Now he's putting his tail between his legs because these girls who he messed with have bigger balls than he does. So now he's giving us the silent treatment. He's discarding us. It's the discarding stage. And what I mean by that is they throw you away like you never mattered, we've never existed, you you have no value, no worth in their eyes because you crossed them. It's okay for them to lie to you, cheat on you, deceive you, and betray you. But the second you stand up for yourself and air out the dirty laundry, you suddenly betrayed them. And oh, they can't have that. They can't have their employees and co-workers know who they really are because they depend on that money that he pays them. He buys people off. Most narcissists do. You can't have your wife thinking you're cheating because where are you gonna go when your girlfriends leave you finally? Now you have nobody because you're codependent, and now your wife knows, and she's probably gonna divorce you, take you for everything you got. So now you're facing that because you couldn't be a faithful man. People in the community know your kid knows, and then their friends know because their friends watch stories and piece things together, and not my problem. They're in their 20s. And the thing is, the my biggest quote is if you don't like people knowing you're a shitty person, don't be a shitty person. Like, it's not a hard concept, but yet you continue it. And that's my fault that you look bad. Congratulations for being the number one victim. Like, if ignoring me is making you feel better, because I guarantee you you're gonna listen you're listening to these podcasts, and if ignoring me is making you feel better about your actions, go ahead, because it's just only gonna make me talk louder. And if you've noticed through these podcasts and through my stories and through my Instagram posts, I'm becoming more transparent to the point where I'm going to use names next. So it's going to that point that the longer you stay silent to hide what you did to somebody with a good heart and good intentions and had great intentions for you and wanted nothing but the best for you and respected you. I mean, I really don't have to say names because people who know me know, and people who live in the community who know you know. So my podcast, again, I'm in true crime. I know how to put clues together without giving away the plot, and people can come to their own conclusions, I guess. People aren't dumb. But if you think being quiet is punishing me, okay. But I'm also a dark empath. And a dark empath is a narcissist's worst fucking nightmare. Ladies and gentlemen, a dark empath sits, they wait, they listen, they collect, they watch, they write things down, they study the narcissist, and you have to study each narcissist differently, and you have to keep things in your back pocket, and you have to know how to play the game with them. And they're all different. There's up to eight different narcissists, I believe, and there's probably more at this point, but there's a strategy for all of them. And I may not be on hinge today next year, but there's going to come a time where you find me in public, you cross me in public, you cross my path. It's gonna happen. And I don't forgive and forget. I don't just look the other way and act like nothing happened. So just saying, I collect information, I watch, and I wait. It's like a game of chet chess. You have to just sneak up when you're gonna attack your enemy, and they never know what's coming when it's coming. And it might not ever come, but but they don't know that. So wouldn't you rather be somebody who is just honest and transparent rather than someone who's constantly looking over their shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop? When I say I'm a dark empath, it's not a bad thing. I can feel other people's emotions even stay away from me and my dreams. I can wake up and I know something's wrong with somebody. They're in different states. I pick up on emotions and vibrations. I show, I actually like, I feel like sometimes I absorb people's emotions and then I like project them. I feel heavy, heavy things. It it's not a bad thing to be an empath, but it's exhausting and I can read people's energy through my own body. So that that feeling you get in your gut, that's the intuition. I feed off that. And 99% of the time I'm always right. So being a dark empath, I know your game. I've w I've watched it, I've educated myself, I've processed it. And once I process it and it makes sense, now I know how to beat you at your own game without being malicious, without being a narcissist, without being evil, but by simply just being a mirror and being somebody somebody can't face. I don't do it maliciously. I don't just wake up to decide to be the that type of person. You have to give me a good reason. But again, you just never know. And why would you want to live in a world where you constantly have to look over your shoulder, wondering when the other hammer's gonna fall? If you're just a good person and you're transparent and you have morals and values and human decency, you you don't have to live like that. You don't have to remember lies, you don't have to cover your tracks, you don't have to wear a mask, just be a genuine person and you wouldn't get yourself in these situations. So ignoring me is all fine and dandy. Go ahead. Act like I didn't exist, act like it's my fault you ruined your family, act like it's my fault that everybody in your business knows the type of man you are again for the third time. Act like you're the victim here. See how long you can play that game. Go ahead, I'll wait. Because eventually you're gonna see me in public. And if you think I'm just going to look the other way, it's not happening. However, you're never gonna know what side you're gonna get of me. And that's enough. I would be sick to my stomach because I don't like I don't like knowing that I'm gonna be confronted in public if somebody runs into me. Because you can run on social media, you can run on email, you can run on your phone. And if you can't have balls and have a conversation, you will cross me in public and I will say something. It's not a threat. It's not, I'm just going to voice how I feel and make sure you know that I didn't forget it. So it's best to just face the confrontation now than let it draw out forever because unlike most women, I don't look the other way, just let things go to keep the peace because a motherfucker needs to learn. And when a motherfucker crosses me and disrespects me and thinks that they're just gonna walk away and throw me away like I never mattered because of their disrespect. No. Especially after you sat and watched me go through shit for years and watched me heal from it and then decided to turn around and drag me through it again, not happening. And if you listen to my last two podcasts, the moment that it got to a point where I just started airing it out was when he told me, just let things go. Just let it go. Like I'm supposed to just let go of the disrespect and my pain, her humiliation to make sure his image is protected. Okay, I'll do that. So him ignoring me and stonewalling me and blocking me and this other girl is the same thing. It's silencing us so we can't be heard. But clearly he knows who I am. He's known me for eight years. He knows I'm not gonna go silent. So I don't know what he's trying to prove here. So my only other thing is, you know, go ahead and discard me. Go ahead and stonewall me and the other girl as much as you want. It doesn't change of what you did. It doesn't change that you cheated on your wife, that you cheated on me, that you cheated on Maria. It doesn't change the fact that you are a piece of shit. Doesn't change a fact that you cheated on your wife three years ago. Doesn't change the fact that you've been going to marriage counseling for two and a half years and still cheating on your wife. It doesn't change a fact that you're a piece of shit. So you ignoring us and you writing us off like we never existed doesn't mean anything. We it happened. We know our truth. We lived it. So continue these narcissists can continue living in these false little lives that they create for themselves and create a bigger mess and a bigger mess and a bigger mess because somebody else is gonna come along that doesn't know that he does this. And he's gonna bring them to Atlantic City and take them to his wife's favorite restaurant and rent out the hard rock room for a suite and take him to a concert and have all these comps and pick them up in the Mustang, do all these fancy things. And he's gonna lie to his wife, and then she's gonna eventually find out again. Narcissists are creatures of habits. They go to the same places, eat at the same places, drink the same thing, frequent the same places, wear a lot of the same things, listen to the same music. They are they're a creature of patterns and habits. They don't just change. It's not how they are. They don't like change, they don't like unpredictability because they lose control. So they know how to navigate what they can control. They've done this a hundred million times with different women. So they know how to navigate it. They know what works, they know what swoons women, they know what fall makes women fall, they know how to suck them in, they know the conversations they have to have, they know the things they have to buy, they know the things they have to do until it's time for them to step up and be a man and commit to a relationship. And then it all goes to hell. So the stonewalling had caused me in my life more trauma and it opened that abandonment wound than anything else in my life, above being strangled, above being lied to, above being hit, dragged across the floor by my hair, black eyes. Stonewalling is the biggest trauma trigger that I have because to me it's the ultimate discard. It's the ultimate, you're not worth anything. You're not even worth the conversation, you're not worth respect, you're not worth validation. And he knew that, that my exes did that, and that's why I have gone through therapy. And it's I've been going back and forth with it because I know him enough to know he's not doing this to punish me. He's doing it because he's punishing himself. He's doing it because he doesn't want to deal with his own demons. He doesn't want to hear what he did was wrong. He doesn't want to hear the pain and sorrow and hurt in my voice. He doesn't want to be told every day that he's a piece of shit. He doesn't want to be confronted with the abuse and the and the deceit and betrayal that he he put upon me and other people. That's why he's doing it, because I'm a mirror and I'm reflecting it back, and he knows I'm not going to just look the other way and say, okay, I'm sorry. Let's just, let's just try to fix this and move through it. You know, I know you're going through a lot. You're you're you're running two businesses, have a toddler, have a wife and two girlfriends, and I just I know you're so burnt out and you're you're so tired. And I I'm sorry that I feel hurt that you you disrespected and betrayed me. So let's just let things go and go back to how they used to be so you're comfortable. No, thank you. So he knows I'm not gonna fall for the manipulation. I'm not gonna fall for the poor woe with me. I'm not gonna fall for the I made a mistake and I don't know how to fix it. He knows I'm not gonna fall for the, you know, his his classic line is I wanted to reach out, but I didn't know how. You sure as hell knew how when you you knew. How to look look up other girls and text them and get them in your bed. You you fucking knew how to do that though, didn't you? You knew how to lie to your wife, lie to me, lie to this other one. You knew how to go to marriage counseling live therapist for two and a half years, but you didn't know how to reach out to make this right with me. You didn't know how to reach out and have respect for me. You didn't know how to reach out and take accountability, but you sure as hell knew how to reach out to other women and have three secret lives with three different women until you got caught. You knew how to do that though. And you don't like confrontation or conflict, but you sure as hell know how to create it. You know, that's what it is. You not talking to me is not a measure of my worth or validation or how much I matter as a human being. It has nothing to do with that. It's everything to do with how you can't confront what you did to hurt somebody else. Now, and that's what makes a covert narcissist malicious because you're still gonna find someone who's gonna believe that everybody's out in the world is out to get you, that you're gonna pull the whole woe was me crap card again, have someone feel bad for you, take pity on you, enable you, and then you're gonna be back and doing it again anyway. So let me make sense of this. You cheat on your wife three months after she has a baby, which you probably cheated on her the whole time you're married and probably the whole time you were dating, because it doesn't just happen overnight. So you you cheat on her three months after she has a baby. She nails you with a private investigator, and her own brother busts you, mind you. She tries to work it out with you because she sees the good new. I mean, I've done it. I've stayed with people like that before because you do. You give people the benefit of the doubt. You want to give them a shit the chance. So instead, you cheat on her. Then the girl that you cheat on her with turns around and cheats on you. So now you're fucked up. You're blaming her for everything. How why this this girl that knew you were married slept with you, then turned around and fucked your life up by cheating on you. Karma was served to you. But instead of realizing, well, shit, this is how it feels to do it to other people, you continue to cheat on your wife and cheat on me and then cheat on another girl all at the same time? Because that's can you make that make sense, everybody? Does how does that make sense? You get cheat, you cheat and get cheated on by the person you cheated with, and then you turn around and cheat on your wife, and then cheat on me, and then cheat on another one. I'm I'm not the best at math, but that math ain't math. So instead of healing and getting actual help and realizing you have a problem, you turn around and do it three more times, and that's just the ones I know about. Me, that other girl and your wife. I mean, God knows who else. So that's what I'm trying to have a hard time processing because that's the whole victim card that you're pulling. If anybody's a victim, you're playing victim right now. You are hiding like a coward with no balls. So, you narcissists out there, you can discard us, you can ignore us. But just remember an empath feeds off energy. An empath watches, an empath waits, an empath collects, and we feel your energy. You don't have to be in the same room with us. We know. And I know that even though this one's a covert narcissist, one I've never dealt with before. This is why I did see it coming. I've dealt with a charming trickster and an overt narcissist, but this one, this one got me. So now I'm educated on that. I've I'm telling you right now, the the covert isn't blocking me out and stonewalling me and discarding me because there's something wrong with me. It's everything's wrong with them and they don't want to face themselves. So by discarding me and getting rid of me, he doesn't have to take accountability. He doesn't have to face what he did. He doesn't have to see the hurt or pain in my voice or my face, and he's running away. And he's gonna continue running away, just like he blocked the other one. And he's gonna continue running, and he's gonna hit a wall, and he's gonna find somebody else and drag her down the line too, and he's gonna repeat these patterns because instead of healing and taking a step back and going, well, shit, I really need to fix myself and I really need to stop doing this to people. He's just he's already repeating a pattern by blocking us and running away and not dealing with his own consequence. By not being a man and having a conversation, he's he's already shown that he's repeating a pattern and going right back to what he did last time when his wife said that she cheated, not he cheated on her. So narcissists repeat patterns. I'm not here to protect those patterns. I'm not here to shake up those patterns. Because no matter what I say or do won't change their pattern. They are who they are, and that is it. Do I think cheaters will stop cheating? No, I used to think, okay, well, people make a mistake. No, it's not a mistake, it's a choice you make. That's a choice to to cheat on somebody who you've been with who loves you. That's a choice. Because you know down deep inside you're hurting that other person. That's a choice. It's not a mistake. So you this person chose to get up every day for the past three years and cheat on his wife, cheat on me for the past 10 months, and then pick up another girl on the way and cheat on her. And a lot of people are like Tiff, I can't believe you're airing this out. Like this is embarrassing for you. Fuck it, it's embarrassing for me. I didn't do anything wrong. I thought he was single. I thought he was co-parenting. I'm not a homewrecker. And when things aren't said and airs uh dirty laundry is not aired out, then these fucking abusers can keep being enabled and keep doing this to other people. Well, no. Sorry, not happening when it happens to me. So people can think I'm nuts, people can think I'm just saying way too much, and I'm being drama dramatic and crazy and unhinged and just a lunatic, and I'm just out for for for you know revenge and I'm bitter. No, I I just speak the truth. People lose their when I speak the truth. I mean, people go off the hinges when I speak truth, I give proof, I have valid points, I have logic, I have screenshots, and they lose their minds. People don't like when you're an honest person. I don't have to do anything except sit here and be honest, and it ruins people's lives. That's not my problem. Be an honest person, and then you won't feel attacked if you're listening to this episode. I mean, that's really what it comes down to. I'm not going to sugarcoat people, I'm not enabling people. I've dealt with enough narcissists and abusers to know that they don't change. They will never change unless they wake up one day and really go, fuck, I'm a terrible human being. And even then they won't change because it's just who they are, especially at 47 years old. Dude, you're almost dead. You're wiring in your brain, there's no, there's no rew rewiring. Like that's who you are. It'd be different if you were like 16, your brain's not fully developed, but like your brain's been fully developed for over 20 years. It's gonna take a lot of fucking therapy and physical therapy to undo everything you've done. You need to get therapy and dig down deep inside and figure out what the fuck is wrong with you to make you do this to other people. All you narcissists out there, and there are women narcissists. I'm not bashing just men. Women are just as bad as men. Women cheat, women abuse, women lie, women deceit, they betray. I get it, I know they do. Women are narcissists too. Narcissists are just disgusting, vile people. And I really wish that this person respected me and valued me more than to put me on a list of girls that he sucked in. I I wish that he respected and valued me like he said he did. Because if he did, he would have never taken me down that path. He would have never crossed that line with me. He would have respected our friendship and our business associations, and he would have kept me in the friend zone. And again, it takes two to tango, but I thought if I went for the guy most girls wouldn't, I'd win in the end. Nope. All I won was another piece of shit in my life. So I hope at some point he stops. I hope that he regrets it. I hope at three o'clock in the morning when he's thinking of me, it eats him alive that he fucked with the wrong woman. I mean, he really should have known. Like, I was not gonna sit and look the other way. Like, I I don't know what was going through his head because he knows how he knows who I am. He knows the type of woman I am. I I don't know. Maybe he thought I I he could get away with it because he runs this big popular business and I wouldn't do it to protect his business, which I've never mentioned his business once, but again, people put clues together. Is that what why he thought I wouldn't I wouldn't stand up for myself? No. I don't know what was going through his head. I don't know what go through I don't know what goes through narcissists and abusers' heads. It's nothing makes sense. And you could sit all day and try to figure out a narcissist, your brain, you will literally drive yourself insane trying to figure out why they think the way they do, how they feel and think the way they do. You can't. And they don't feel remorse. They just they don't. It's like a sociopath, okay? They they and a psychopath, they don't feel anything. And no matter what you do, you could plead, you could beg, you can cry, you could scream, they don't feel anything. And it doesn't, you can't force them to because they're uncapable of it. And until you can come to that realization, it's it's gonna be an uphill battle. It's exhausting. If I meet one more man that says, I don't want people knowing my business, I don't like people knowing my business, I like my life private, I swear I'm gonna punch them right in the face. Because what they really are mean to say is I don't like other women knowing what I'm doing with other women because I like to appear single so I can live any life that I want. This way, if somebody sees me with one woman and sees me with somebody the next night, they don't have to think bad things about me because according to everybody else, I'm single. Or according to everybody else, I'm married, or according to everybody else, I'm separated. Nobody has to know who I'm with, what I'm doing, where I'm at, at any time. And this way I still look like the good guy. That's what it actually means when someone says, I don't like people knowing my business. That's exact it, that's it. They don't like people knowing who they really are at the end of the day. That's gonna be my first fucking flag I run from in the next one. I don't like people knowing my business. Like, what are you are you fucking Dick Tracy? Like, I don't I don't understand why people are trying to be so the only reason why you don't want people knowing your business and is you're so private is because you don't want people knowing a piece of shit that you really are. Just be honest about it. Because by you telling me that, it's telling me you are not to be trusted. So that's the next number one f red flag on my list. Ways to spot a narcissist or a cheater. I don't like people knowing my business. So I have to make that voice when I do it. I don't know why, but it's it's just stupid at it's stupidity at this point. And then they have excuses on why they can't do this or they can't see you, it can't do that, or can't do this. There's a good reason for it. They're juggling more than one person. I've been through this rodeo too many times now to to fall for bullshit, and I probably won't find a good guy because I'm gonna push them away from all of these triggers and trust issues I have because I'm not gonna believe a word any of them say. Because I've if if this one proved to me that men can't be trusted, there's no hope. Like, this is the guy that any woman would be like, There's no way in hell. There's no way he could do that. Guess again. So the successful guy will do it, the guy with a baby's baby mama will do it, a guy who is not the best looking will do it, the hottest guy who could will do it, the nerd will do it, the biker will do it, the doctor will do it, the lawyer will do it, the guy who mows your lawn will do it, the pool boy will do it, the cashier at the grocery store will do it, the banker will do it, well, I'll do it. It doesn't matter what they look like, who they are, what they drive, where they live, who they're married to, they are who they are. And when they cheat on you, it does not does not mean that you're not enough. It does not mean that you're not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, successful enough. Nobody's enough for them because they're not enough for themselves. So if someone has discarded you and have made you feel like you've never meant a thing to them and threw you away like trash, or blocked you and everything when they're the problem, just remember, they're only doing it so they don't have to face the shit that they put you through. So they don't have to face the disrespect that they hear in your voice and on your face when they know that they've shattered you. They don't want to face their own demons. They don't want to have to hear how bad of a person they are. So by blocking you and discarding you, they don't have, they can just get rid of you. And it's not you, it's you holding them accountable. So as long as they remove you from their life, it doesn't exist anymore. And you see how that works? They just act like you never existed. And late at night, I'm not saying all narcissists don't have remorse. I I feel like this one does. And he doesn't talk about his feelings. And I know down deep inside, he knows what he did to me. And I know he knows that I didn't deserve this. I know he knows that. And I know it's going through his head. I know that. So I'm not gonna sit here and beat beat myself up and go, he didn't care about me at all, or he doesn't value me. No, he did. He just is fucked up. And I know down deep inside he knows hurting me. He's hurt me more than any man ever has. Even men who put their hands on me. And I know at the end of the day, I know that is gonna eat him alive because he didn't want to be that guy. He doesn't want to be known for that guy. Will he ever reach out? I don't know. But how am I supposed to know if it's good, if it's genuine, if it's real? Because I don't even know if the past eight years of friendship was real. But I know at the end of the day, he's not ignoring me because he's mad at me to punish me for speaking. He's ignoring me because he doesn't want to face the truth. He doesn't want to hear the pain in my voice, he doesn't want to see the look on my face, he doesn't want to see the tears fall from my eyes, he doesn't want to be held accountable, he doesn't want to hear what he did and face it. Because if he does that, then he has to look at himself. So if he removes me from his life altogether and pretends I'm not I never existed, he can sleep at night or at least try to, and then make his wife think that he doesn't talk to me anymore, which down the road he will eventually, or somebody else, and somebody else will come along, he'll drag them down the line, and he'll tell her he's not doing anything, he's not seeing anybody, I'll hide his phone, he'll go through all this again, and then somebody will expose him again, and then she'll believe him again, and then it's just how it's just gonna be a pattern. So he can block this other girl and act like she never existed. It's not because we're not good enough and don't deserve the respect, it's he doesn't want to deal with his own consequences. And that's what I'm learning with stonewalling is for a long time it it beat my self-esteem up. And I took it as a, I don't know the word, like a like a punch in the gut, like the biggest form of disrespect. Like I'm not worth anything, I'm not even worth a text. No, it's it's nothing to do with me. Especially with this one, because like I said, he knows the pain I've been through with men. He knows the trauma I've been through, and I know out of everybody he's hurt, I know he knows he hurt me the worst. I don't, I don't care. His wife knew that he was like this before. This other one's known him a few months. I've known him for eight years, and I never saw this in him. I never knew he was capable of it. I've never knew he would do it or even think about doing it. And it's a lot to process because of eight years of friendship and then a year of romanticism and seven years of of business associations. There's more layers to unpack than just romanticism. And I know at the end of the day, and I know he's listening to these podcasts, I know he is. At the end of the day, when he lays his head down at night, he's thinking of how much he hurt me. Is he doing anything about it? No. Is it does he care enough about it? He'll say, I wanted to reach out. And these are his words. I wanted to reach out, but I didn't know how. Another cop outline, because you don't have balls. He knows me enough. He knows what to do, but he won't. So he'll lay there and he'll beat himself up. He'll be miserable to himself and everybody around him. He knows that I'm a good woman. He knows that I deserve better. He knows that I never deserved this, and he doesn't know how to fix it because he can't. He can't fix what he did. There's just no going back. And all the words in the world isn't going to prove to me that he wouldn't do it again. Now, the right thing would be to say, Tiff, look me in the face as a man. Look me in the face, not on a text. Look me in the face and say, You did not deserve this. This is because I'm a fucked up individual. I have issues. You are good enough. There's nothing wrong with you to make me act like this. This is something that I'm battling and I need to fix and I need help with. You are a good woman. You are a good person. You deserve the world. Something. Look me in the face and say something. Not over a text, not over a fucking email, not over a quick phone call. Find me. Come to me. You know, you know where I live, you know my number, you know where I work, do something, be a man. Look me in the eye and tell me that I don't I didn't deserve this. That's the only way. That's the only way it's ever going to be where I could see you in public and not humiliate you. Like honestly. Because if you have enough balls to come to me in person and man up, I'll let it go. But if you're gonna run and you're gonna hide and you're gonna act like I'm the problem and you're gonna keep going on like that, I'm not gonna forgive and forget. So I'm giving you an out here. It's up to you. Well we'll I I doubt that would happen. But like that's what that's that's what a man would do. I don't care how much it hurts him. Imagine me. Imagine me feeling like I did something wrong, like I ruined someone's marriage. No, I didn't. I took someone's word for it. I loved somebody, I cared about somebody, I gave somebody the benefit of the doubt. And I was I'm a victim in this, like the other girl and like his wife. But he's playing victim. I didn't deserve this, and he knows that. And I know down deep inside, I know he's laying in bed because I know this man is going, she did not deserve this. I I am a piece of shit. I don't I can't fix this, though. I don't know how to fix this. And he's he's ashamed of himself. I know he is. Maybe he's not so much with the other one, maybe not with his wife, because he's done. I don't know. I just, I'm not trying to put myself on a pedestal here, but me and him have this bond before anything ever before we even start seeing each other. And you you can't see someone go through that much shit with two other men, put them through it again and then not feel bad about it. I just, there's something that I know him enough, so he can discard me all he wants. You know, maybe he does feel bad for for what he did to everybody. I don't know. I'm not in his head. And maybe he doesn't give a fuck at all. Maybe I'm just sitting here having hope that a man would have enough conscience to sit and feel bad, but probably not. That's probably just me wishful thinking, having the benefit of the doubt in somebody, wanting to see the good in somebody. That's my downfall. My grandma was like that too. But that's the only way to grow some balls and look me in the face and tell me all this stuff, not hide behind a screen. Be a man, be vulnerable, grow up hair and look me in the face. That's the only way it's ever going to rectify anything. I wouldn't be close friends again. I wouldn't date you again, I wouldn't nothing, because you're not to be trusted. But if you could stand in front of me and grow some balls and at least take accountability, I would accept that. But hey, that's on you. I can lead a horse to water, but I can't make him drink, right? So if there are people out there that you know are like this, narcissists are I didn't know what a narcissist was growing up. I never heard the word until I left my first ex. And I started doing a lot of research, but then I found out there was all different kinds. And I'm like, I dealt with the worst, like the the the two biggest narcissists you could ever fight. I hadn't dealt with. No, apparently not. Because this one, this one was like playing chess, like checkmate, like he snuck up on me and got me when I wasn't looking. Like he played the game well. Like it's I'm almost impressed to be able to pull wool over my eyes, considering I've been through hell and back. For him to be able to do that to me, I'm impressed. It's scary though. Like it's frightening that somebody could do that to me because I recognize red flags now. I run, I call shit out, I don't fall for it, and I fell for it. And I didn't trust myself. So it's very hard to explain what a narcissist is and the aftermath after you leave one to people because it does feel like you're off a heroin drug. And I've never done hard drugs, but it does feel like you're coming off heroin, according to therapists and doctors. Your brain's looking for those hits, those ups and downs. Um, I'm just thankful the other girl said something, and it was only 10 months of this and not another year, another two years, another six years. Thank God. I mean, it's hard to process. I'm hurt, I'm heartbroken. I'm I know I'm coming off like a tough ass, but I am hurt. I'm heartbroken. I've been depressed for two weeks. I haven't been eating, I've barely been sleeping. I've been going through the motions. I go to work, I come home, I go to bed. I don't want to go out, I don't want to see anybody. So, like, I'm not just this person who gets on a microphone and it's all big, bad, and tough. Like, no, I just I still feel it. Like my heart is shattered by somebody who I loved and trusted, and one that just I see it coming, and that that's the worst. You know, the other ones I I knew. I knew who they were and how how to navigate them. This one I this one I'm blind, I was blind to. Stonewalling was a trigger of mine, but I think it's finally clicked in my head that it's a power I have if I know the reasoning behind it. As an empath, I know why they're doing it. If I I know narcissists as much as I say I know how they operate, they're not doing it for to me, they're not doing it really for you. They're doing it for themselves. They're doing it to protect themselves, not to hurt you. And for a long time, I always thought it was them trying to go out of their way to punish me, to hurt me, to discard me, to make me feel I'm not worth it. No, they're they're protecting themselves from dealing with consequence and accountability and dealing with the aftermath of sabotage, self-destruction, destruction to other people. They're claiming, quote, their own peace by blocking people out that bring drama to their life, even though they cause the drama. It's not drama, it's the truth. So if blocking me out and blocking other people out and discarding them and shutting them out like they never existed helps you, okay. I'm not, I can't control what you do, but just know if you don't face it now, it's gonna happen again, you're gonna have to face it again later down the road. So you might as well just get it out now and be done with it. So, but it's not a it's not a measure of my worth you discarding me or any of us. Any narcissist that cuts any of us off and blocks us, like we're the problem when we're holding you accountable. No, the tables have turned, turns have tabled. You're not doing it to hurt me, you're doing it to protect yourself. And in in the long run, it's helping me because the longer I don't talk to you and the more the spaces go on between us, the faster and easier it is gonna be for me to move on and heal. And you're not sucking me in, feeding me manipulation and lies and bullshit to keep me hooked. So you're doing me a favor, actually. And that's when you learn from flipping it from being the victim to having the power. So now the empath has the power because we're like, wait, get in the mind of a narcissist. They're not doing this to hurt you, they're doing this to protect themselves. Because if they were doing it to hurt you, they would do a lot more extreme things, like try to suck you back in and lie to you more, right? I mean, there might be a little bit of truth in it that they're they do it to hurt you, but 99% of it is to protect themselves because they know what is said will be used and used against them in the court of law. They know screenshots will be used. They know that you're not gonna believe anything they say. They know that they can't lie their way out of it anymore. So they're doing it to protect themselves from looking more like an asshole, from having to deal with the consequence, taking accountability, to feeling bad about what they did. They're they're protecting themselves from having conversations with real people and having real feelings. They're running away from it. They think they're doing themselves a favor, but they're not, because it's just gonna get worse. All around, for you for them, for everybody else, it's just gonna keep getting worse, and their habits are gonna get worse and they're gonna be repeated even more. And then the next time someone finds out, it's gonna be 10 times as worse because you didn't deal with it the last time. So, what did we learn, ladies and gentlemen, listening to my podcast? What did we learn? Just be an honest person, just be a good person. So discard stonewall us all you want, narcissists. But at the end of the day, we know you do it to protect yourselves, not to punish us. Maybe a little bit, but more so you don't have to face who the fuck you are. A piece of shit. Cheating, abusive, liar. And let me put this out there. Just because someone doesn't put their hands on you doesn't mean they're not abusing you. If someone makes you feel sad about yourself, bad about yourself, angry, hurt, worthless, anything that's not good is abuse. So yeah, just last bit, emotional abuser. I don't want to go to the extent to say mental, but definitely emotional. So there's more to come on many episodes, but and I will have some guests on my show because many people have dealt with narcissists, many people have been cheated on, lied to, deceited, abused, anything. Everybody's been through something. And yeah, I'm gonna have some people on soon that's going to be able to fill in the gaps to my stories. So stay tuned there. Thank you for tuning in. I know it this gets personal, but I really want this podcast to be a personal podcast. I want people to hear it and learn from it and take something from it and go, wow, fuck, I'm dealing with this right now. Because when I was going through it years ago, I didn't know anything. I didn't have resources, I didn't have podcasts to listen to, I didn't have people in a support system. I wish I did because it would have made a lot more sense and I would have felt a little less alone in the world that somebody understood me. So I hope what I'm saying helps somebody out there. Um, thank you for tuning in. Thank you for subscribing. And uh make sure you follow me on Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, turning the corner. Corner is with a K. And tune into my other podcast, True Crime with Tiff Klein. I have three seasons. I just got back from Crime Con in Vegas, had a great time, and we'll continue giving cheaters. Cheaters. We'll continue my my other podcast log is giving criminals the disrespect they deserve. This one's gonna be giving cheaters the disrespect they deserve. So with that note, I'll be back with more narcissistic education in another episode, hopefully about something else entirely. But until then, I hope you learned something. I hope you took something, and keep coming back to keep keep helping me give cheaters the disrespect they deserve.