Not Knowing

Not-knowing, being intimate with the intrinsic principle

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Good morning. Good morning everyone. Thank you. Thank you for being here and making such strong efforts through the uh through the session so far. It's not uh it's not an easy thing typically to sit very still. Sometimes I you go into the Zendo and we we sit on the raised platform sort of called the Tarn and it looks very nice and I just feel kind of posh getting on the tan after sitting on the ground. Then you realize it it kind of hurts just as much. Maybe a little more in a sense. So uh I know it's uh it can be difficult, particularly for um beginners or newcomers, uh physically and uh emotionally, mentally too. So uh I mean that sincerely when I say uh thank you, thank you for your efforts, the session uh is uh every every part of us. Uh I'm gonna bring up a koan today. This is uh case twenty, a Zen precedent from our tradition, from the book of equanimity. Jesus not knowing is the most intimate. The main case, attention, Master Jizo asked Hogan, where have you come from? I pilgrimage aimlessly, replied Hogan. What is the matter of your pilgrimage? asked Gizo. I don't know, replied Hogan. Not knowing is the most intimate, remarked Gizo. At that Hogan experienced great enlightenment. I was struck by Tenshin Roshi's talk on the the first the first day, I guess, uh bringing up the um the case of Bodidama. Who are you, the emperor? Asked him, I know not. Don't know. So this principle of not knowing is intrinsic to the practice of Zen. Master Hogan, one of the protagonists here, was uh one of the key teachers in early Chan, Zen school, one of the five houses of Zen, of which one is the Soto school. This is a Soto lineage temple, although it has elements and lineage also in the Rinzai school, one of the other, another one of the five major houses of Zen. Hogan's lineage doesn't continue to the present day, but continues, uh the teachings continue and it was um became part of uh some of the other schools. One of the traits, one of the teaching devices he was known for, which I appreciate, is when he was asked a question, he would often repeat the question as an answer to the questioner. So he may have arrived in Sachin and be sitting up there in a Zendo thinking, what am I doing here? So Master Hogan from echoes down the ages and says, What are you doing here? You know, that answer, that inquiry isn't something that is ever transmitted or given from another, uh not a teacher, not a thing. That question, whatever arises, is our own living experience, our own Dharma, the teaching of the Dharma. What am I doing here? When we're sitting in Zendo, what am I doing here? Sitting. That's it. That's enough. It's really more than enough. The pilgrimage of years of practice is to make that real. That it is enough. But whatever is thus, whatever this experience is, is complete and there isn't something outside of it that we need to be as we are, the things to be as they are. The real refuge of Zarzen, the refuge of city. It's an extraordinary thing that we all come together like this, you know, from all different walks of life, you know, places to travel, to make the decision, as everyone here has, to uh bring in the new year in perhaps an unusual way, as it would be appreciated in the mainstream, right? It's not decided not to try and make it to Times Square and or go to another kind of, well, we might have a little bit of a party later tonight, but the bulk of it is that we decided to come here for New Year and practice this way, this way of present awareness, this way of awakeness. And extraordinary that all these threads come together. You know, my journey here to uh Session made it uh quite easy to pick this colour, this not knowing. You know, I had my plan all worked out. Uh Yushin and I were in Ohio and uh had our flights booked to travel back and had a night get back a day early in order to do the admin and get things sorted out, you know, and um the plane broke down. And we were in uh Pittsburgh. It was like waiting for a shuttle bus outside, and it was like seven degrees, you know, just kind of waiting for the shuttle, you get there at midnight, back on the and I know everyone has their own American great air travel story, you know. So a few hours of sleep, back, get up at four, back to the airport, flew to Miami. Which is amazing, but you know, you save us you don't know, you know, we arrive in Miami with fleeces and carrying winter jackets, which we needed to take out of our luggage and it's freezing in in Pittsburgh, and then you get off and it's uh an open-air kind of walk away off the plane at 75 and palm trees. But on the plane, I had an idea, I was still uh and I thanked those people who were here to came in early, but I but I called from the airport and said, Can you help set up Slash yet? I'm not gonna be there. The people who were here early did all the room set up, did the cleaning, did prep the food, cleaned the Zendo, and did all of those things. Yeah, then it was my my plan. Well, okay, the last part of it now I'm gonna do on the on the airplane, on the airplane. I'll just uh pay for the internet access and uh work the rest of it out there. We had um seats at the very back, you know when you get the very back row? And they don't recline. And the bodies have in front of you reclines. Okay. And the U Shin was worse off because the person in front of her, his seat was kind of broken, so it reclined much further and up to an angle. So then I was pull out my laptop and sit it on the try to sit it on the table, and there's not enough space to actually open it and see the screen. So it's like, okay, it's not gonna happen, you know. That part's not gonna happen. But you know, to use that well-worn uh cliche, it is what it is. And one way or another, it works out. Even if it doesn't work out, it works out in one way or another. So here we are. And coming into you know the new year, like later, we'll we uh made a couple of refinements with Tenshin Roshi today to the ending schedule this evening. So if you had it memorized and maybe revisit it, can you just tweak things a little bit for the for the evening? But a time to look at um resolutions of letting go and of bringing intentions in, you know, it's a wonderful punctuation. We have these punctuations for the the new year. Um for myself, it occurred to me the other day, I think I'm gonna buy get one of those elliptical machines, you know. That'd be good. I need to do some kind of gym practice, you know, getting getting older. And then an ex thought occurred to me, maybe I should wait till April or May when everybody who bought one for the new year is selling them cheaply. You know, but uh resolution uh resolution is critical in this practice, in the practice of sitting, in the practice of zen, in czarzen on and off the cushion. I looked up the uh the meaning of the word resolution. A firm decision to do or not to do something. A firm decision to do or not to do something. You know, we bring we bring that to uh the practice of Zarzen, the practice of upright sitting each time the bell is struck. Then the resolution there is the firm decision to sit, Zarzen. To arrange the body resolutely. Tension Roshi talked about, I understand about posture yesterday, to arrange the posture, to be resolute in one sitting, with the firm decision to be as we are, as you are, as I am, as this is. Without then, oh you know, now maybe here comes the work. We have this um wonderful functioning of uh the body and brain, and uh creation and construction of uh thought what to do in this time of sitting. The critical shift that really needs to be made. The next step of this resolution is to cease adding to the construction of self between the ears. The way that thought it appears in the mind, and then in this practice then of Zazen, what to do with that. And the real shift is to do nothing with that, to add nothing to that, to neither add to the construction or to take anything away or to try and push it away, which we find to be a fool's errand for those who have tried that for a decade or two. So perhaps we're sitting, and you know, if you're anything like me, all kinds of things, believe me, I have a very busy mind, you know, especially this session. What's going on? Like a swamp, all kinds of things. Now it's gonna appear, whether I want it to or not, but the choice and the freedom of Tarzan is how to experience that and what to do with this experience. You know, if you continue to pick up the threads of thinking in Tarzan and to try and work things out, to gnaw on it like a you know, a bone, to plan, to scheme, well, in one sense, that's fine. The sun continues to rise and set, planes go across the sky to the various destinations late or not, whether we are, whatever we decide to do. But I strongly encourage to be resolute in ceasing to manipulate one's experience in sitting, ceasing to add, to plot, and to scheme. Plenty of time to do that. That has its place. And our thought stream and the things that are being created, what we are experiencing, is all dharma, is all information. It's not a matter of good or bad. But what really is critical is for the period of time of Sashin is to put the complications and the endless positioning of one's life aside for a period of time. And to allow awareness to experience oneself as yourself with the illumination that takes in everything that is here, everything that is here and not here. The thought then doesn't have the same value, the way that we define ourselves and our life, what we're doing, where we're going. That continues. There is information there and you act and we don't act. But in Zarzen, that should be given, I say should, be given no more value than the feeling in one's feet. The feeling in one's feet is very important. But no more or less important than anything else. To really to be to sit, then, to be alive and resolute as we are. What am I doing here? We are finding out. Always finding out, always exploring who and what we are, but not only through the lens of critical thinking, allowing our awareness that we are to really be illuminated, to enlighten this experience. Where else will you find enlightenment? In this meaning of resolution that I looked up, the firm decision to do or not to do something, it gives an example. It says, as an example, she kept her resolution not to see Anne anymore. You know, it's this person there, it's gonna make me smile because this is the example of a resolution. Somebody made up their mind, I'm not gonna see that person anymore. That's it. You're out, Anne. So you can make a resolution to to do that, but that's not this practice. Anne is a part of our life, is is our life. The life that includes everybody and everything. You know, often with our being human, we have our conditioned mindset. Everybody does. This conditioning, this um of experience, the way that we've been shaped and influenced over the years. So when I talk of this awareness and not continuing to construct self on the cushion, it is to allow that to really to come forward, to unearth and see the way that we define ourselves in belief and opinion. You see, with this practice of presence, however we reach out and describe reality and try to fix and say, this is this and this is that, and that is it, that is the truth. And every time that that is done, not necessarily so. There is no freedom in fixed belief. The freedom is always in this experience and what it is. Whether, you know, if Anne's in it, she is or not. Zen, the practice of Zar Zen is to say yes. Over and over. Yes. To what is? To this life. This one. Not the life to come, not the life that we would prefer. The mind can run in those directions. You know, maybe make some decisions, we bring some intentions in for the new year. Some things aren't working. Our wisdom discovers that. But if we're always going off on the same conditioned patterns, our blind spots are never seen. We have to allow that conditioned way of looking at life to fall off. Attention. You know, the critical word here of the koan. Every koan begins in a book of equanimity with that. Attention. So here. Now, awake. Attention. This is what is real. Where have you come from? Of course, we could fill that in with a lot of information. Came from Pittsburgh via Miami, etc. Long story. That's nobody's asking. Where are you really from? Where are we all from? What is this from? Is that understood? Can that be reached by thought? Can we explain life in that way? Where are we from? Don't know. Don't know. We could fill it in with a belief or a scheme, and that might satisfy for a day, a week, a year, 100 years, might satisfy a lifetime. I came to this practice because nothing could satisfy me to explain this mystery. This extraordinary mystery that we are. Now right in front of the nose. Inside the nose. Where are you from? I don't know. But please, you know, they'll take my word for it. Look. I pilgrimage aimlessly, replied Hogan. I don't know where I'm going. Isn't that soul for each of us? You know, we may look into like 2018 and we have our plan to make God laugh. Right? If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plan. We've got our plan. I think that'd be a decent sketch. And some of it might work out, and some of it, you know. How much of that is unknown as we turn. This corner of the year. And we love to know. There's safety in knowing. We can know something. Let me shore it up. Fix myself. I could be safe. But we're not safe. The world, all things, including this flesh and blood, is impermanent and will pass. So we're not safe in that sense. Can't be fixed. So where do we find our satisfaction and freedom and peace? I pilgrimage aimlessly. Well, and Jesus as a good teacher doesn't just say to Hogan, that's nice. Carry on, you know. No, he wants to be sure, you know, he wants to be test and prod. And asks, what is the matter of your pilgrimage? To what end do you pilgrimage? To what purpose? Good question. You know? This practice of Zen or spirituality of this life, it's not taking a passive position of it's all good. I don't know. It's all good. Till it's not, all good. You know, what is the matter? What is it that really can you take as your guide? How is it that each of us wishes to be, to live? You know, now we turn to you know the intention of going forward. What is the matter of that? What is it that we want to do in this new year with this life now? From the heart. Is there something there that is still irks, that isn't satisfied, that hasn't been answered, or is not at home? Whatever that is, that is the thing to raise up and then offer to the flames at the fire ceremony. So if you know it, you don't need it written on a piece of paper to remind you. What is the matter of your pilgrimage? I don't know, replied Hogan. Or I know not, Spodhidharma said. I don't know. Not knowing is the most intimate, remarked Jiso. Yeah, this is one of the most beautiful lines in in Khan study, in my in my opinion. Not knowing is most intimate. When you look at this experience, this life, our life, your life, whatever way we put it, you know, although you find there's no possession in there, as life's not something you have. It's not something extra. We are life. This life, this one life, that all things come and go in. If our investment is only in that which comes and goes, then it's a shaky investment. The investment is in the intrinsic, is in this experiencing that which is beyond name and form and appearance, and you know your home, then coming and going is not a problem, the same problem. It might sting, but it's not the same problem. It's a life of a human being, not knowing the most intimate. Always that is the basis to return. Whatever the practice, whatever the practice during the day, whether it's sitting, walking, standing, washing up, working, all of these different activities that we find ourselves doing, in or out of the Zen centre. When we know too much, we hold on to those ideas of how something will be, we are limited. Krishna Murti said meditation is freedom from the known, which I think is a wonderful line. The refuge of Zazen, the refuge of meditation, is to not need to know. You just need to be quiet and sit still as much as we can. To take the break from having a no. You know, my as I said, my experience of Session has been quite different this time around. Huge amount of not knowing. All kinds of things blowing up. You know, yesterday I came and I had to deliver a message and I came up to the Zen door and I looked in, I saw you all sitting. And I felt envious. And I've done enough zarzen and sat enough periods where you know I've come up and then the last thing I want to do is come in and sit. You know, many times I feel, alright, Sashia, here we go. You know, do another one, do another one. That's fine. But yesterday I looked in and I thought, ooh, I could use that right now. The refuge. Where a group of people come together with a positive common intention to support one another, to drop the masks and the schemes, you know, to be exposed, to let go, to be as we are, and to take refuge as that, to need nothing, nothing added, nothing taken away. You cannot exhaust this practice. Bodhidharma didn't exhaust it in 1890 years. When he finished up with the emperor, he went and practiced our zen facing a wall for nine years. Why? To continue is the completion. You know, not the stopping point to look back and say, alright, now I know a thing or two. The true completion is to always be at the beginning, always at the source, always at the place of not knowing, but always at the place, not in the I don't know blankness, but at the place of finding out. Finding out. Not knowing the most intimate. And it says that he experienced great enlightenment, which happens at so many at the end, at so many of these coins. When I was first getting into practice, that was a real hook for me. I'd read this, not know what it was about, but it said at the end there was great enlightenment. I'm like, that's the club I want to be in. New Year's session is unusual in that we often have people coming and going. Some people come for a few days, some people leave just before New Year, others come in just for the night before. Some people realize I made a dreadful error. And find it best that they take off, you know, maybe they come back and maybe you do something else. That's fine too. But in this coming and going, you know, what is it that doesn't come and go? What is that? What is the one, who is the one that doesn't change? If we talk about this impermanence, things coming and going, these experiences that we have, what is it that always is the same? See when we bring up those questions, it stops the mind dead. That's the end point of the intellect, the end point of dualism. Well, we can fill it in with, you know, some ideas. We don't need to fill it in with ideas. We can take uh Kazan Jokin's advice or suggestions for Tarzan when asked how to say it, he said, arrange for body for Zarzen, look down the length of one's nose, and study the original self. And that's it. Not this self which is built on our experiences or what's going on right now. Sometimes that happens. Guilty. Spent a few periods as I was thinking about oh, maybe I'll do this, maybe I'll do that. That's why you sit so much. To wear that out. So you stop. What am I doing? I'm not getting anywhere. Oh, where is it that we want to get? Not to study that self. That's just a part, but to look at this original self. This one that is the same as when Hogan and Jesu were walking and talking. I'll say a couple of things about the verse. It's a very nice verse. Right now, investigation replete. It's the same as before. Right now, investigation replete. It's the same as before. But everyone has to run the basis for themselves. Utterly free from minute obstacles, one comes to not know. Utterly free from minute obstacles, one comes to not know. Better to, you know, better to obliterate a thousand obstacles in one breath. That's what you do when you cease identifying with a content of thought. You obliterate a thousand obstacles. And you see what you are. Short is short, long is long. Cease pruning and grafting. Talking about this way that we continue to construct. Cease pruning, shape, grafting, trying to change things, trying to fix things, trying to manipulate this experience. Cease. Short is short, long is long. According with high, according with low, each is even and content. A family's manner of abundance of thrift is used freely according to circumstances. We all have our circumstances, all a certain age, gender, uh, career, whatever, those things. Everybody is as they are, unique. Doesn't need to be an obstacle. Everybody is in the right place at the right time. Easy to say that, isn't it? You know, tougher to realise that this as it is the right place at the right time. The content, the circumstances, whatever they are, is the Buddha, is the Dharma. Fields and lands excellent, one's feet go where they will. The matter of thirty years pilgrimage, a clear transgression against one's pair of eyebrows. Some old Chinese symbolism in there that eyebrows denote wisdom. Thirty years of practice of pilgrimage, transgression against one's own wisdom pair of eyebrows. Or as Bodhidharma answered, no merit. And the emperor asked him, what merit do I have from doing all this? No merit. He could have said, Great merit. Just look. It's right here. You know, the time that we have now. Please let's do our best with Tarzen. It can be, as you say, uncomfortable. But everybody's doing it, making it, making it happen. He's doing that. Everyone's practice supports everybody else. Supports the whole. This evening, tonight after we finish, we'll have a council. We'll look at, we can talk on precepts for those who are familiar from that angle. Resolutions and vows coming into the new year, we'll have a council about that. We don't have to work out what to say or what to bring up beforehand. Just this time that we have, please, whatever it is that we find ourselves doing, do that. Just do that. That one thing. Sitting, eating, lying down. Take refuge in this session. In this time that you all put aside to deepen the realization of one's life. What better way to bring in a new year? And my gratitude to all of you. Thank you for listening. We'll finish.