Parenting an Adult Child

Parenting adult children isn’t easy—but you don’t have to do it alone. Listen to our podcast for practical, grace-filled guidance rooted in Christian wisdom. Each episode unpacks key factors like patient communication, healthy boundaries, honoring independence, and creating a peaceful home for young adults (including those still living with you). With Scripture-centered insights, real-life stories, and gentle encouragement, we’ll help you lead with love, truth, and patience as your children step into adulthood. Tune in, learn, and walk this season with hope.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the Anchored in Grace podcast. I'm Eric and I'm Sharius.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Today we're diving into a topic that many of you might find familiar. Parenting young adults who still live at home and navigating the realm of grace and forgiveness. So the subject today, you guys, is parenting young adults who live in your home.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

That's right. As we journey through this important discussion, we'll explore challenges of having unrealistic expectation, the unique dreams and talents of our children, and how grace and forgiveness can sustain our relationships with them.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

All right. So before we jump in, let's start with a prayer.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Amen. Dear Heavenly Father, we come before you today seeking your wisdom as we discuss and as we discuss a rewarding journey of parenting young adults. Help us to listen and to support our children, recognizing their unique paths. Fill our hearts in grace and forgiveness as we walk alongside them. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Amen. So the first segment we're gonna talk about is unrealistic expectations. So first let's talk about unrealistic expectations expectations the that parents often bring into the stage of parenting. So what is that, Eric?

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Absolutely. You know, many parents expect their children to mirror their own dreams and aspirations. For instance, you know, I remember a time and this goes back to when I played basketball and you know, I was hoping that my younger son would embrace the sport of basketball. And you know what? He just didn't. You know, I wanted him to um to really um I wanted him to to jump in the sport and and and really to to take the sport and and and and love it like I did. Yeah. But one day he said to me, he said, you know, Dad, I like it, but I don't love it like you love it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And you know, and I was kind of like, huh. Made me kinda kinda think about it, you know, the pressure I was putting on him to to to do what I did. You know, and it made me think about the pressure from the previous generation from my own father that he kinda put on me to love something. You know what I mean? We can transfer pressure, you know, and we shouldn't pressure our kids. We need to allow our kids the ability to explore and find what they love so that they can become their own whole person. I think that's important.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

That is, you know, that sounds familiar to many of us. You know what I mean? And you know, what what was his response to you in that?

SPEAKER_01 3:48

You know, he he he surprised me and you know he he like I said to you a few moments ago, you know, he taught me a l a very important lesson about listening. Um and and he he taught me uh that he wanted to explore his own interests. He Malcolm said, I want to learn about myself and I want to to learn what is important to me.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

And you know, today Malcolm is a very enterprising young man that's d working and figuring out his life the way he wants to do it. Yeah. And I respect him for that. You know, he doesn't allow anybody to dictate what he d what he does or you know, yeah. He's enjoying his life the way he wants to.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

That's good. You know, and each kid has their own path, you know. You can't you can't drive their path or you can't do that because our parents didn't do that for us and we have to you know, we have to set our own tone of your future. Right. So that's important.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

So, yeah, that's such a valuable lesson. So, you know, holding on to our dreams for our children can create distance and also can create pressure instead of fostering a supportive relationship.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

You know what I mean? And that's that's super important to really talk about the distance and the pressure and then it you know, instead of like I said, fostering a supportive relationship.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, fostering supportive relationship, I think is really important. You know, uh um as we consider uh the scripture from Proverbs 22 and 6, direct your children onto the right path and and when they get older they will not leave it. You know what I'm saying? If we show them the way, yeah, you know what I'm saying, they will not depart from that way. It emphasizes the importance of guiding our children in the way they should go, which and and and which means recognizing their own individual paths. You know, it it it gives us the opportunity as parents to teach them good things and the important things and the right things, but it also allows them to explore and to learn about finding their own way so that they let to learn independence.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Because every young person wants to feel independent.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Yeah. And each kid is different. You know, you can have one child, you can have five kids, you can have ten kids. Each child is going to be different in their own way. And you have to give them their distance. You know what I mean? You have to give them their support. You have to, you know, foster that relationship with each and every child, but you also have to give them their own path for their success, right? 'Cause each each individual's gonna be different. So, you know, lead them in the right direction, like Proverbs twenty-two and six is saying.

SPEAKER_01 7:10

So And God has a path for them.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

He definitely does.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

He has a he God has a path for each one of us.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

And as we grow in relationship with Him, yeah, He directs and gives us that path. You know, and that's why it's important for us as parents not to push our interests onto our kids, but to connect our kids with God so that God can push our kids to the right path. You know? So important.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

That's great. Love that. So definitely segment two, um, different talents and dreams is what we're gonna talk about next. Um, so moving on, let's discuss the varied talents and dreams of young adults.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Yes. Too often parents impose their unrealistic expectations based on their own experience. You know, you know, I did this in high school or I did this as a young adult, you should do this too. You know, I had this job growing up, you should have this job, you know, and um this can lead to a deep disappointment when um the realities of life don't line up with those expectations. You know, you can really push your kids into a place of um frustration and you can push them away from you to where they don't want to trust in you or or are or he uh use you as a uh what's as a as a confidant or a place to receive information because all they a resource because all they receive from you is pressure. Yeah. You know what I mean? And we never want to do that to our children, you know.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

No, you don't.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

We we want to give them good information but not just you need to do this, you know, you don't want to pr put that pressure on them like that.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

Right. And it's crucial, you know, to remember that God has gifted each of us uniquely. You know, each of us is different. And that's what I was saying earlier, you know, like each child is different. We're all a child of God. And our role as parents is to recognize and to support support those gifts, not to impose past dreams on them. You know, I can't say, Oh my gosh, I used to play baseball, I used to do basketball, I used to do cheerleading, I used to do these things. Why isn't my daughter doing this? Why isn't my son doing this? Man, these skills are in me, they should be in you. You know, I can't I can't push my skills or my academic skills. I think this way. So you should think this way. It it's not the same. You know, and we can easily do that or my my vision as an interior designer is to do this. Why can't you see color this way? You know, and you know, my kids are like, you know, one of my my oldest son, he's he's really colorblind. And it's funny for me, I'm like, Can't you see this color? You know, and he's like, I don't I don't really see that color, you know. And it's hard for me to talk to him about different things about color, you know, and he'll be like, I don't s I don't see the color in that. It looks purple to me when it's red.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

You know, and I'm like, interesting. You know what I mean? I'm like, I don't get it, it doesn't make sense, but I'm like, that's his uniqueness, and I have to be able to separate that and understand that that's his that's his uniqueness. It's okay, right? That's that's what makes him unique. And that's as a parent, I have to understand that, right? So, you know, it's okay. So Yeah. I just wanted to make that point, but I cannot impose past dreams on them.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

How how did you overcome that as a young, you know, say young adult a young say a young uh um you know say a young adolescent going into like a young adult, you know, how did you you know, get over how did you get past that with your parent?

SPEAKER_00 11:51

Which which part?

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Like like them imposing their dreams on you or expectations.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Um, you know, I I had to figure it out myself, you know. I knew for me at a very young age I did not want to go to school right away. You know? And I know for my mom she wanted me to go to school right away. But I'm a person I'm not a time waster number one. I'm not a money waster. And I felt really bad because I didn't want to waste my mom's money. You know what I mean? She was a single mom. I didn't want to waste her money. And um she worked hard, you know, and I was like, man, I've I'm gonna feel horrible if I go to school and I really don't have the work ethic right now to do it, I'm gonna be wasting her money. And that was hard for me. And I didn't have the drive or the desire to go. I was gonna be wasting time and money.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

And so I just didn't really I didn't really want to in that moment. Um, and so I know later on in life I was ready. You know, I I had to change my mindset. I had a drive in me, I was ready, I had, you know, to set a goal in myself, this is what I was gonna do. I was ready to achieve a goal. And I said, you know what, I'm going back to school. Even though I was working full time, you know, I said, This is gonna be hard, but this is what I'm ready to do. This is my time now, I'm gonna do it. And I achieved that goal. You know, you and I both together, you know, it's beautiful. So but but you know, I knew early on it was it was hard because I had to combat, you know, my mom with that and it did it brought disappointment to her because I know she wanted me to go to school.

SPEAKER_02 13:51

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

But I had to break her heart in that. Yeah. Because that wasn't bringing me happiness in the moment. And at the end of the day I I had to overcome my happiness in that moment. Yeah. You know, it was unfortunate for her, mm, but my ultimate happiness at the end of the day was m more important.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

You know, it's amazing those expectations of stuff like going to school, getting ed education, um the things that our parents in that generation look at as security for your future, yeah, which are important, right? Right. Um, but you can put such an emphasis on that sometimes that it becomes such a pressure that you don't achieve it. Yeah. And it's true. And and it and it doesn't become what it's meant to be.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

What it's meant, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

You know what I mean? It becomes the opposite, you know what I'm saying? And become a burden. It becomes a burden. Yeah. You know, and and that's and that's exactly what we don't ever want to do to our kids, because we want them to be successful at everything they do. We always tell our kids you just need to push. You tell them to get into something, just push through it. Don't worry about how you feel in the moment, just push, keep pushing through it. I see so many cultures of people who go through things and they'd be going through all this pressure, right? Yeah. You know, Asian cultures and stuff, and I see so many people going through suicide and all this pressure. Yeah. We live in a world today where suicide is high because of pressure and expectation.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

Well, I think a lot of cultures do.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Yeah. It's a lot of but I I just mentioned Asian culture because for years with academics has been a big deal for them. Yeah. But now it it has kind of transcended across all cultures, especially with COVID and everything going on. You know, man, people being alone, people having more time to to really be with themselves and oh man, mental health, um is it mental health um and um I'm not trying to lose my train of thought, but mental health and um and um I'm losing my train of thought. Mental health and um um I just said it a second ago. No, um suicide. That's what I'm sorry. Mental health and suicide has become just one of those prominent things of uh of an issue today for folks. You know, yeah. So it's just important what pressure, and I think pressure is what leads to a lot of those things for people. Yeah, you know, not just family history, but pressure on people. Yes, expectation, words, school, words, you know, social media, social media, all those things, you know what I'm saying? Um, so you know, we gotta be really careful with those things. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Yeah, no, you're right.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

Yeah, and you know, the current generation experiences a a very significant generation gap, especially with the changing technologies and communication styles.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

You know.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Right, and that gap can sometimes breed judgment instead of guidance.

SPEAKER_02 17:39

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

You know, which is um counterproductive. And scriptures like Ecclesiastes three and one, there's a special time for everything. There's a time for everything that happens under heaven, reminds us that every generation faces its unique challenges.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

And that's real.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

This generation faced COVID.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

It faced some very unique challenges.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

You know what I mean? And they're continuing to face unique challenges today. Isolation. They're different, very different from us.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

Very different, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

You know, than what we faced when we were in high school. And that was what thirty years ago, you know, thirty-five years ago.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Always talking to people, trying to get to know people, trying to connect. And this is a very disconnected generation. And man, it's yeah, it's so crazy. So I'm just hoping for the next generation, you know, that is coming, um, that they will bridge the gap that for those parents who come back.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

That's right, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

So our next segment will be segment three, which is grace and forgiveness for young adults.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Yes. So now let's shift our focus to the importance of grace and forgiveness as young adults navigate the significance of life decisions, you know. So when we talk about like young adults, we talk about like young folks like our 23-year-old who lives at home with us, you know, Malachi, you know, and Malcolm, 19, you know. Yeah. Um, and many people have young adults who are staying home longer. Yeah. It's a it's a norm now. Oh my gosh. You know, that intergenerational living, you know, kids like taking a little bit longer to figure out what I want to do, you know.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

So, you know, it's essential, isn't it, Eric? The multitude of choices they face can be overwhelming, you know. Offering grace rather than jumping to judgment can foster understanding. And the multiple of choices that I was talking about them facing, you know, can be like paying rent.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

You know, paying their insurance bill, you know, different bills, their cell phone bills, you know, the bills that we used to have back in the day, paying our rent was probably like five, six hundred dollars. You know. Now, you know, people like our kids, you know, if they went and got an apartment, mm-hmm, they're spending eighteen, two thousand dollars a month. Yes. You know, which is crazy. And sometimes they can't find the jobs that they need if they're still in school. That's right. Or they're, you know, still in the process of getting their degrees but they don't have the money. That's right. Because they're working part-time or or whatever. So, you know, just those choices that they face are being very overwhelming for them.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

So let's we gotta keep our babies in prayer, you guys, all across the board and give them grace.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

That's right. And with what you just said, you just triggered a thought, which is very important.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 21:15

They still need to understand how to pay bills, yeah, how to live, and if they were on their own, how would I pay bills? How would I do things?

SPEAKER_02 21:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

And one thing that you and I do with our kids is we are teaching them how to pay bills, how to have bills, you know what I'm saying? How to save money. How to save money, you know what I mean? Every month, you know what I mean? Yeah. Um, how to have a budget, you know, with their money. Um, these they need to have real life situations. Right. Even though they live at home. That's right. You know what I mean? So, you know, if if you're in those types of situations With young people living in your home, you need to make sure that you are simulating those real life situations. We got we got this from watching the Cosby show back in the day. Yeah. Watching Theo rest in peace, my brother. Um and um Bill and and Claire create kind of a situation when he needed to uh live on his own and they kind of turned the house into like a boarding house and he had to pay bills. I'll never forget that episode. Yeah. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 22:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

Truly important. Yeah. And you know, absolutely for me, uh, we need to encourage our kids to trust in God's guidance. As Pro Proverb Proverbs 3, 5 through 6, it says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not trust in your own understanding. Agree with Him in all your ways, and He will make your path straight, is vital in helping them make the right decisions in their life. That's what our kids need. They need to know that only God can help them make the right decisions. You know, and we want to lead our kids to that.

SPEAKER_00 23:25

That's right. And you also have to remember in Philippians 4, 6 through 7, I love this one. It says, do not worry. Learn to pray about everything. Give thanks to God as you ask him for what you need. The peace of God is much greater than the human mind can understand. This peace will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus, with which emphasizes seeking peace through prayer. It's crucial for young adults facing anxiety over their choices. And this is so true because it's like it doesn't matter what you're going through, you just have to pray about everything. Every single thing. I don't care if it's about your job, I don't care if it's about a girlfriend, a boyfriend, life, school, whatever, you know, you're taking a test, you know, about to pay a bill, you know, just God, you got this, cover it for me, you know, because God says, Don't worry about it. I got you.

SPEAKER_01 24:50

Got it.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

That's right. That's right. He got it all, you know. That's right. Amen. And creating a nurturing environment filled with grace allows them to grow and build confidence in their decisions. We want our kill our children to build confidence in their ability to be able to make good decisions. You know? So we want to nurture that. We want to nurture that by giving them grace and and and really trusting them, giving them the building blocks, giving them God, the most important building block. And when they do make mistakes, give them grace, give them correction, not not yelling at them and overreacting, you know, but helping them to make the right corrections so that they can learn from their mistakes.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 25:53

We all need to learn. None of us are perfect. We've all have stumbled, we all have made mistakes, especially our young people in that 18 to 20 something age, they have so much to learn. They don't know anything, they're growing, they're trying to figure this world out. And it's up to us as parents to help them figure this world out.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

You know, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

So that's right. You know, that's so good, man. Let's be nurturers, you know. We're still trying to figure out things ourselves. You know? So true. We mess up every day.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

You know, so let's give them grace as God gives us grace.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Every single day. Every day. Oh my goodness. That's really good. So as we wrap up today's discussion, we hope you have gained valuable insights into parenting young adults with grace and forgiveness. And I also want you just to think about this too, as parents. Also give yourself grace. Give yourself forgiveness. Because not only, you know, are you giving your kids grace, but give yourself grace, please, because as a parent, myself, as Eric as a parent, you know, it's not easy. It is definitely not easy. We're not making it sound like it's easy, because it definitely isn't, and this is why we we are doing this podcast, because these are subjects that come up and people talk about it or put in a request of like, can we talk about these subjects? And um we just really hope that this is helpful, you know. Um, because parenting is not an easy thing, but this is just something, you know, that we it was put on our heart, you know, to make sure we talk about this because it is very important, um, on this topic because there's so many young kids that are living at home. And you know, we have these moments where sometimes it's we wanna live our lives. Oh, we're adults now, our kids are grown, they're gonna move out, and you have an expectation on them, but it's hard because you know what, they're still trying to figure it out too.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

So give them grace.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

And some homework for you. Because I always think homework's important.

SPEAKER_02 28:28

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 28:29

And you know, one thing for homework, a listening exercise, really practice listening to your your kids. You know, we tend to over talk them and not listen to them. We don't hear them. I I want you to listen to them like when you when they have something, just sit back, don't say anything. Just listen to 'em. Let them talk.

SPEAKER_02 29:04

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

Hear what they have to say before you give any feedback. Just really listen to them. I think that's truly important.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

You know.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

Um even if sometimes they don't may have not much to say, 'cause we know this generation doesn't talk as much, but that's okay too. Um but just listen.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 29:29

You know.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

Mm-hmm. That's truly important.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Yeah, definitely listen.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Number two, I think this is truly important to tell your kids how much you love them. Yeah. And to give them a big old hug. And just let them know that you're there for them.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:52

And no matter how old they are, that you support them.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 29:57

And that you're with them.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

And you're proud of them.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

And that you're proud of them. No matter where they're at. You know, because I think sometimes kids can feel like I haven't achieved a certain level, or my friends are ahead of me.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

And my parents are looking down on me because I'm not where these people are.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

Yeah, but you always compare them to something else.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

Yep. So meet them where they are.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

Meet them where they are. And the last thing, Shar said it. If you are comparing your kids to other people, stop doing that. Because that comparing thing, when you compare somebody to something, I want you to think about the damage it would do if somebody constantly compared you to somebody else and how you would feel.

SPEAKER_02 30:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

You know what I mean? So if you are comparing your kids to other people constantly, stop doing that. Love your kids where they are and build them up as they are. You know what I mean? I want you to do those things. And um, you know, let us know how those things are.

SPEAKER_02 31:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:22

You know, and and and let us know in the chats and stuff how those things work for you.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

That is right. I love it. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

So remember, every child is unique, and our role as parents is to support and encourage their journey every day to love them where they are.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Mm-hmm. All right, so let us close with a prayer. All right, Father, we just want to thank you for the opportunity to discuss this vital topic today, God. May we embrace grace and forgiveness in our relationships with our young adults today, God. Guide us as we support them in their unique paths. In Jesus' mighty name we pray. Amen. And we just thank you, God, for joining. We thank you guys for joining us today. If you found this episode helpful, please share it, like, subscribe for more insights into parenting through grace.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

Amen. Until next time, remember the one who anchors you in grace is also holding you in his love and peace. Thank you for joining us today on Anchored in Grace. We look forward to seeing you next time.

SPEAKER_00 32:59

All right. Blessings, you guys. Have a blessed week.

SPEAKER_01 33:02

Thank you. God bless you.