Love Languages in marriage and in Christ

✨ Love Languages in Marriage and in Christ ✨

This week on Anchored in Grace, Eric and Sharris dive into the power of the Five Love Languages and how they can transform your marriage. Discover how these simple yet profound tools can improve communication, resolve conflict, and deepen your understanding of your spouse.

But it doesn’t stop there—when we learn to love well in marriage, we also learn to love well in Christ. Join us as we explore how these love languages can guide us in serving others and reflecting the love of Jesus in every relationship.

💡 Whether you’re newly married, a seasoned couple, or simply seeking to love others more like Christ, this episode will encourage and equip you with practical steps to grow in grace and connection.

👉 Tune in this week and let’s learn how to love deeper—in marriage and in Christ.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome back to another Anchored in Grace podcast. I'm Eric.

SPEAKER_03 0:07

And I'm Sharif.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Today we're diving into something that has really transformed us and our marriage over time. And we're going to be walking through how God has blessed us to learn about the five love languages.

SPEAKER_03 0:28

Yes, and we'll share how understanding these five love languages not only helped us to connect better as husband and wife, but also helped us see new ways to express our love to God as well.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Heavenly Father, we welcome you today to our podcast with open hearts, seeking guidance and wisdom in our marriage. We ask that you bless the words spoken today and that you bring hope and healing to those listening. Help us to cultivate a spirit of grace and forgiveness in our relationships. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

All right. So as we are jumping into segment one, marriage reflects Christ's love. It talks here in our first scripture, Ephesians 5 and 25, and we're coming from the King James Version of Ephesians 5 and 25. And it tells us, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and give and and gave himself for it. This means marriage is more than just a companionship. It's a reflection of Christ's love for the church.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

Exactly. And when we understand how to communicate love in marriage, we are practicing the same selfless love that Jesus modeled for us.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Amen.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Amen.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

So let's go into segment two. What are those five love languages, Eric?

SPEAKER_00 2:35

So, you know, before I jump into that real quick, there was just a piece that I wanted to add in here about the five love languages.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

And I think it's important to understand what they are, but also what they do for us.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

You know, they help us to learn to speak to our partners. Um unique love language. And it helps us to speak in an in an effective way and to communicate um in a way that's gonna be in with in an affectionate way and that truly resonates with them. We want to be able to speak to a way that is effective to your partner, not the way that is effective to you. And I think often sometimes we can do that. We think that everyone is like us.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

And that's not the case. Our partners are unique, they have their own ways, their own feelings, their own emotions, and it's very important that we learn about them and we learn what makes them tick. And learning the love languages really helps us to dive deep into our partners.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

You know? So the five love languages by Gary Champion's book. Chapman. Chapman. I'm sorry. Chapman's book are, and me and Charis will read these together. I'm gonna read the first one that says words of affirmation. Um, and then it says using words to build someone up. This includes verbal compliments, words of appreciation, and encouragement.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

Okay. The other one is quality time, giving someone your undivided attention. This means being present without distractions like you being on your um smartphone or other tasks.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

That can be hard for people these days, right?

SPEAKER_03 4:35

Definitely, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Receiving gifts, giving thoughtful and meaningful gifts that symbolize love and appreciation.

SPEAKER_03 4:46

Mm-hmm. The fourth one is acts of service, doing things for your partner that are helpful and lighten their loads.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Amen.

SPEAKER_03 4:57

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

And number five, physical touch, expressing love through physical gestures and closeness.

SPEAKER_03 5:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Intimacy.

SPEAKER_03 5:07

Yeah. That's good. So, you know, everyone has a primary love language, and when we speak it, our partners feel deeply loved. But the beauty is these five love languages can also describe how we show love to God as well. And we're gonna dive a little bit deeper in how you interact these love languages not only with your spouse, but also with God.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

I like that.

SPEAKER_03 5:38

So in the segment three, um, we're gonna talk about walking through the love languages. So the first one, as we talked about earlier, was words of affirmation. So in marriage, this means encouragement and appreciation, um, telling your spouse, I'm proud of you or I love the way you handled that situation, you know, um, something like that. Because I think when we remind, you know, sometimes you can just do something naturally every single day, right? But if we don't encourage our spouse or just say, Hey, you know, I just really appreciate you for stepping up or handling that situation for me or just doing what you do on a daily basis, it goes a long way. Just to say thank you.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:29

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

A person can be made to feel kind of like for granted sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 6:33

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

So showing appreciation for their efforts and everything they do.

SPEAKER_03 6:38

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

You know, especially if you have a wife that is at at home wife and she takes care of the kids every day. A lot of people don't appreciate that anymore. Right. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 6:48

But uh you have a wife that works every day.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Or have a wife that works every day. Yeah, amen. And whether you're working in home or working out every day, period, whoever you are, you you do you deserve appreciation and and and you and encouragement and you should be told that you're doing a great job.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

Or vice versa these days, because sometimes men stay at home, you know, to take care of the kids or men work too. Most definitely. We want to make sure we speak on that as well because um women and men both do both roles these days, so we want to make sure we show that appreciation on both sides of marriage.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Amen. And it definitely is so true.

SPEAKER_03 7:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

Amen. Um, spiritually, we affirm our love for God through praise. Hebrews 13 and 15 says, by him, therefore, let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually. That is the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to his name. Praise should be spoken. So this scripture reminds us how important it is to give praise and appreciation. You know, it's talking about praising God, but praise those, give give honor to honor where honor is due.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

You know what I mean? And it should be on your lips often. We often forget to give honor with our lips.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

So number two, quality time. In marriage, this could mean a dinner date, a walk, or simply being present with each other. Simple things, you know, things that you know people take for granted. You know, for Shharis and I, you know, we try to spend quality time in in different ways. We work out together, you know, we watch football together, you know, we j just try to plan special times together, things that we enjoy together, um, dinners, um you name it, you know, just doing different things. And sometimes it's little things that don't seem like it's very much. It's just about the effort that you put into it.

SPEAKER_03 9:16

And the time.

unknown 9:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

Exactly. So, yeah, you're totally right about that, Eric. And you know, and with God, quality time looks like prayer, Bible study, and worship. And then Deuteronom Deuteronomy seventeen, eighteen through nineteen shows how God commands kings to read his word daily. You know, when we spend focused time with God, we grow closer, just like we do in marriage. So if we spend time in our word, we're gonna grow closer to God. If we spend more time investing these five qualities, you know, this is very minor, you know, just the love languages, um, in marriage, we're gonna grow closer with each other, you know, and this is just a stepping stone, you know, of how you can apply these things in your marriage. So just spending that quality time with each other.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

And you know, for me just being really transparent, you know, it's it's you know, the Holy Spirit always kinda speaks to me in the moment sometimes, and you know, for me it's it's very important that you know, for my marriage, you know, with my wife, that we're always working to improve upon these things. You know, we sit up, we do these podcasts, we give this practical information. It's not don't ever think that our lives are perfect, like everything that we're in is perfect because it's not, you know, we have growing pains too and we go through things. Oh, you know. These podcasts is every bit for us as it is for anyone who is listening. You know, I just thank God for the conviction and the growth that I hear when I hear the scriptures and the word and the things that we're sharing with you guys. 'Cause it's just as much for me as it is for you.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

That's right. That's good. Amen. That's right. So the third one is receiving gifts. Um, for some spouses small thoughtful gifts mean the world. It shows you you were thinking of them or just, you know, here's something special for you or I just wanted to do something for you. Um, you know, and some some see some things, you know, gifts don't mean anything to anybody, you know. But for some people it does mean a lot.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

So true. So true. Um Romans twelve and one tells us the greatest gift we can give God, present your bodies as a living sacrifice, wholly, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. The gift he desires is our whole selves surrendered to him. So daily surrender to God. That's spending time with God, that's a willingness to put down other things to give God time, and there's always time. Me and Shars were talking about this this week. We're talking about our busy schedules and the fact that it just feels like some days there's not enough time. But there's always time because there are so many things that we make time for every day that can be put to the back burner.

SPEAKER_02 12:47

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

Our number one priority should always be God, Him first. Because if we put Him first, everything else in our life is gonna be alright. Right. So we have to put Him first. We have to make time for Him, no matter how busy our day is, because He's gonna take care of everything else that we're dealing with.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

And then we can deal with the other stuff. You know what I mean? Amen. Because I know some Yeah. Because sometimes, you know, the between husband and wives, the and time for each other sometimes even feels like, man, wow, like you don't got time, right? It feels that way sometimes. Yeah. But you know what? If you make time for God first, yeah. God will even make time for that too.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

You know what I'm saying? Because God, you're showing God that I'm gonna sacrifice for you to make time for you, God. That's right. And God is gonna make time.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

So that's really good. I it's just something that I think you know um I'm again, I'm talking to myself. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:00

And it's trusting God through the process. You know what I mean? And you know, we trust God that He's gonna do this, we trust God He's gonna do that, but we have to trust God in this as well.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

That's right. Amen.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Amen. And then uh the next one is acts of service. That's the fourth one. Um, in marriage, this could be helping with chores, running errands, love is shown in action. And for men, I tell you, um, and like I said, I'm gonna speak of this the way Shars just spoke of it. Because roles are very switched these days. So, women, if you work and your husband stays at home, hear what I'm saying. If your spouse, if you're the one that works outside a lot and you come home and your spouse is doing a lot at home, be willing to come home some days and pick up something for them. You know what I'm saying? So that you're taking something off their plate. If they're a person that is doing something every day, you know. Shars mentioned um a person to me one time that said that I just wished my husband would come home and just vacuum. I wish he would just come home and do the simple things. It's amazing little things that mean so much to people. Picking up a vacuum cleaner. Right. That goes a long way. You know what I'm saying? Taking the garbage out or, you know, just simple stuff. You know what I mean? So just be willing to be mindful and hear, and we do really bad at it. That's something that I'm constantly working on, is listening better to my wife because I suck at it sometimes, and she'll tell me, but I I'm trying to do better. Um, is be a better listener, because listening can be hard sometimes, and we get in our own way with listening, you know, but Hey, we're all a work in progress. All the work in progress, and nobody's perfect. But I'd like to be real with you guys. Yeah. You know, because we're all growing every day. Every day. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 16:14

Every day.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

Yes. And you know, and spiritually it's the same. You know, Jesus said in John fifteen, nine through ten, if you keep my commandments you will abide in my love. Serving others is serving God. Matthew twenty-five reminds us when I was hungry you gave me food. Our love for him shows in how we serve.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

Amen.

SPEAKER_03 16:46

You know, so that I mean that right there is just acts of service.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

Amen. So Amen.

SPEAKER_03 16:53

Yeah, that's really beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

Yeah, that willingness just to give.

SPEAKER_03 16:59

Just to give.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

You know, to show up. You know, you see someone on the side of the street and you give 'em five or ten dollars or you stop and give 'em a meal.

SPEAKER_03 17:08

Yeah. You know. Yeah, it goes a long way.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

You know, and I always tell Shars, you know, in the Sermon on the Mount, God tells us to feed the poor.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

The poor.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

You know, it's like something it was a big deal. You know what I mean? So, you know, in my mind I always try to think about that, you know, in my mind 'cause I'm almost like, man, I wish I had some cash.

SPEAKER_02 17:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

People are always like, you got a dollar, you got ten cents, you got a quarter, you know, and we often feel like, man, we shouldn't be giving them money, they may use it to buy drugs. But you know what?

SPEAKER_03 17:40

I don't worry about it because I You know it's it's in your heart, whatever your heart is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

And that's something we've done recently. It just kind of when we go out, we carry cash with us. You know, before it was like, gosh, all we have is our debit cards, you know, but we we try to carry cash with us so we can be a blessing to somebody else, you know, because when you are a blessing you can and you can be a blessing, God always automatically blesses you. Especially when your heart is in it, when you're doing it with the right heart. That's right. You know, because that is that's an act of service. You know to somebody else. That's right. You know. That's right. Being a blessing to somebody else.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

That's right. Regardless of what they do with it.

SPEAKER_03 18:25

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

God is gonna remember that you just had the right heart to do what He told you to do. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 18:33

Yep. Amen. That's great. I love that. So the last one is physical touch. So this one can be tricky with God. In marriage, it's holding hands, hugging, or a gentle touch, you know, sitting on the couch, hanging out, you know, but as God we can't physically touch him, but we can feel his presence, right? Mm-hmm. So, Eric, do you want to talk a little bit more about that?

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Yes. Um, but with God, it's more about what touch communicates, acceptance and closeness.

SPEAKER_02 19:15

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Um, in Matthews eight and three, Jesus touched the leper and healed him. Mark ten shows him blessing children um with touch. Um, we touch God's heart by loving those um the world overlooks. You know, and and and that's just something. Jesus always loved those the world overlooked.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

And we gotta have that mindset of loving those and being willing to love those that God will overlook, you know, because it's those who are overlooked may be the ones that come back and really speak into your life. It could be those are the ones that you're supposed to raise up and and and really help because God has a calling on our life, and that calling may be to speak something massive in your life one day. You just never know what God is doing. So, you know, always be obedient. You know what I mean? Don't sh don't push people away. Don't look down upon people who who seem less or that look like black sheep. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 20:38

That's facts.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

Amen. All right, so bringing it together. Um just as love languages keep marriages alive, they also keep our relationships with God strong.

SPEAKER_03 20:56

Mm-hmm. And some may not come naturally, but practicing them deepens love both in marriage and with Christ.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Amen.

SPEAKER_03 21:07

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

And you know, I think that's that's truly important because earlier, you know, it was a piece in my mind that I was thinking about because there's one thing that love languages do, they bring understanding. Yeah, they help us to avoid misunderstanding. Um it will ensure that both partners feel genuinely loved and appreciated, yeah. And it will bring strength and will strengthen the o overall bond and the long term health of the relationship. Yeah. And that's the ultimate goal, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That's good.

SPEAKER_00 21:55

You want that. You want that. You want to be able to Enhance your communication.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

You want to be able to create deeper intimacy. Yeah. Um you it Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:08

Reduce reduce the misunderstanding and conflict.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

Yeah. Those are the things that hurt us so much.

SPEAKER_03 22:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

In the daily life is conflict.

SPEAKER_02 22:19

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

And we and we talked about that the other day and and encourage personal growth.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

You know, learning to express love in new ways. Yeah. And that requires effort.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

That that requires a personal effort from you and growth and and and and and maturity. You know, and that's you stepping out um to want that growth, that personal growth.

SPEAKER_03 22:47

Yeah. That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 22:51

Yep. And when you do that, you strengthen your bond and you increase your relationship's satisfaction. Mm-hmm. You know, and that's the ultimate goal, you know, when you have these five love languages. And so, you know, I really hope that you guys have just really, you know, are listening to the five love languages. I hope you understand and know what your five love languages are. And um, yeah, because they're just they're really they're really good. I d I just love these. So let's do a quick review, Eric.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

Yes, let's do that. Let's do the review and we're going to read through this review and and share. I'm gonna read the first one. Um, words of affirmation. Um praise God and encourage your spouse.

SPEAKER_03 23:47

Okay. Quality time, be present with each other and spend time with God in prayer and the word.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

Receiving gifts, um, thoughtful gifts for your spouse and giving your whole self to God.

SPEAKER_03 24:05

Acts of service, helps one another and serve others as unto Christ.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

And lastly, physical touch. Show affection and marriage and extend God's love through acceptance and compassion to others.

SPEAKER_03 24:23

Nice. Love it. So here's this week's homework for all of the listeners out there. I know you guys love your homework. So, number one is discover your spouse's primary love language. Ask them directly if you and especially if you don't know. You know, that's very important. Um, number two, choose one intentional way to show your love in their language this week. Number three, pick one love language and apply it to your walk with God, whether through praise, extra prayer time, serving, or reaching out to someone in need.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

Amen.

SPEAKER_03 25:07

Sounds pretty easy, right? Mm-hmm. All right.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

I like that. I really like that homework because I think those practical things can can really help you a long way. You know, because you know, it's so funny Share when I think about Shars's love languages from the beginning of our relationship to where she is now. Over time, love languages can change in your partner.

SPEAKER_03 25:34

Do you think men have changed?

SPEAKER_00 25:36

A little bit.

SPEAKER_03 25:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

You know, I mean I think it changes a little bit. I mean, I s I still think the ones in the beginning will always be present, you know, but I think I think there's always some change.

SPEAKER_02 25:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:50

You know what I mean? And and and maybe even for me too. You know, there's some some change over time. We change as people.

SPEAKER_03 25:58

I think as you mature and grow as an individual, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

I could agree with that. Yeah, I think that's fair.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

Yeah. When we're young, we're way different than you are when you like think about when you're twenty, you're gonna be way different when you turn forty or fifty. Yeah. You know, your mindset's gonna be different.

SPEAKER_03 26:21

Your growth in Christ too is different. Your growth.

SPEAKER_00 26:24

Yes, your maturity with God, what you know about God. Your relationship, yeah. Yeah, what you believe about God, and where God has you in your heart.

SPEAKER_03 26:33

Your experiences of life, experiences with life.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Everything's gonna be different, you know. So you're gonna change. Yeah, you know what I mean? So remember, love is not just a feeling, it's an action, a commitment, and a sacrifice uh modeled perfectly by Jesus Christ. He's our perfect example, and every day we should thank Jesus Christ not only for his sacrifice on Calvary, but we need to thank him for his perfect modeling of love in life every day, how he loves us. And the way he loves us, we need to love one another.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

That's right. And as we stay anchored in grace, we pray your marriages and your faith continue and grow stronger each and every day.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Amen. And amen. Until next time, remember the one who anchors you in grace is also holding, holding you in his love and peace. Amen.

SPEAKER_03 27:42

All right. So we're gonna close out in prayer and wish you guys a blessed week and an exciting week and blessing over your homework and um wishing you guys much success. So we just um close out in prayer. So, dear Lord, we just thank you for your guidance that you have given us today and for this week. Help us apply these love languages to our lives and our marriage. May you lean into your grace, may we lean into your grace, forgive one another, and as we grow into your love every single day. And in Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

And amen. And thank you so much.

SPEAKER_03 28:31

Have a wonderful week, you guys. Many blessings to you.

SPEAKER_00 28:35

Blessings until next week. Thank you.