Anchored In Grace Marriage Podcast

The Five Stages of Marriage

Eric & Sharris Nicholson Season 1 Episode 10

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# You’re Invited: The Five Stages of Marriage — A Christian Perspective

Whether you’re newly engaged, newlywed, or decades into marriage, God meets you in every season. Join us weekly as we walk through the Five Stages of Marriage from a distinctly Christian perspective—real talk, biblical wisdom, and practical tools to help your covenant thrive.

- What you’ll hear:
  - Honest conversations and stories from our journey
  - Scripture-rooted guidance for every stage
  - Practical steps you can start using this week
- Perfect for:
  - Couples, small groups, and anyone who cares about Christ-centered relationships

“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” — Ephesians 4:3

Don't forget to check out a recommendation for prayersong.com. I personally use this product and it was excellent they do a really good job if you want to give a personalized gift to the one you love.

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SPEAKER_00

Hey family, welcome back to Anchored in Grace, where we explore how God's love anchors every part of our lives, especially our marriage. I'm Eric.

SPEAKER_02

And I'm Charis. We're so glad you have joined us today. Whether you've been married for two years or twenty or many more. Today's episode is going to meet you right where you are.

SPEAKER_00

Amen to that, right?

SPEAKER_02

Amen.

SPEAKER_00

Amen.

SPEAKER_02

So what are we going to be talking about today, babe?

SPEAKER_00

So today we're going to be talking about the five stages of marriage from a Christian perspective. You know, there are many perspectives out there, but we represent Christ. You might be wondering, is my marriage normal? Or why does it feel different now than when I first got married? You know, some people go through that. We've been through it before. We get it, we get it. Marriage is a journey with seasons of joy, struggle, and transformation.

SPEAKER_02

That's right. But the good news is that God designed marriage to grow stronger when we walk through each stage with him, not apart from him.

SPEAKER_00

Amen.

SPEAKER_02

That's right. Definitely. So let's start off with our prayer, you guys. Um, Lord, we just thank you for every couple listening right now. We thank you, God, that we know that marriage is a sacred covenant you designed to reflect your love. Teach us to grow in grace through every stage, from excitement to endurance, from passion to purpose. Strength, strengthen our hearts, God, guide our words and help us see our spouse through your eyes. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_02

All right.

SPEAKER_00

Amen.

SPEAKER_02

So, you know, before we get started, I wanted just to give my husband some accolades this weekend because um just came home from a really long week and he surprised me with something very sentimental, super special, and I wanted to share it with you guys. And um, we'll talk about it a little in a couple minutes, but just wanted to share this gift that my husband gave to me. So I just wanted to share with you guys before we get started. Here we go.

SPEAKER_01

You owe my heart steady through every story, the anointing inspired me.

SPEAKER_02

So you I get bet you guys are all wondering, did Eric sing this song? I had to wonder myself. I said, uh oh, my baby got some skills right here. So, but no, he wrote these words for me, and um, it was through a company called Prayer Song, right? And so go ahead, Eric. You you talk about it, but I just wanted to say more than anything that I thank you so much because it was so unexpected, it was a beautiful gesture, and it just brought me to tears, and it was just absolutely beautiful. So I just wanted to say thank you.

SPEAKER_00

Well, you're welcome, and you're truly special to me. And you know, I really wanted to do something to uplift her on her long week. She had a big week, a grand opening that was really well done on her part. She handled it, and you know, I just wanted to give her something to let her know that she's loved by me, you know. So I was just looking for something unique, something I've never done before, and I found prayer songs. Prayer songs, prayersongs.com. And just a quick note this is a this product from prayersong.com is not an advertisement or an endorsement from the company, but something I wanted to share based on my own personal experience. Um, it was truly easy, you know. I just filled out the information they provided, and you it said, give me like some some some some important events in your life and and some things. Well, who and give me some some things about the person, you know, tell me about the person that the song is about, you know, and you just load it in there, it lets you pick genre, you know. I went with like a RB worship gospel style, you know what I'm saying? But if you like other stuff, rock, reggae, jazz, they have other things you can pick from. I love it. You know what I mean? So I just thought it was a really cool product, and I was glad that it came out perfect just for my queen.

SPEAKER_02

That's right. I loved it. So, you know, so hopefully in the future we'll get some um paid sponsorships. That'll be a blessing, right, you guys? So keep us in prayer for that. So let's go ahead and start this podcast on the five stages of marriage from a Christian perspective.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. Amen. All right, so we start with stage one. And stage one, this is a you know, that I'm in love, that romance stage. Romance stage, everything is perfect in the romance stage, you know, and I always say, Oh, yes. I remember them days, honey. The honeymoon stage, you know, as many people call it, where love feels effortless and everything your spouse does is adorable, you know. Um, you finish each other's sentence synthesis, you know. Laugh at the same jokes and dream about your future, you know, you're just so in love, you know.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, definitely. And you know, it's such a beautiful season, right? The honeymoon stage. But as wonderful as it feels, we have to remember that real love goes deeper than emotions. Um, this is the time to build a beautiful foundation on God's truth, not just chemistry.

SPEAKER_00

Amen to that.

SPEAKER_02

Because sometimes we can lose ourselves, right? In the very beginning, and not if we don't set that foundation, that makes it really hard. So um the scripture that we're gonna come from today is it says, My beloved is mine and I am his. And that's from Song of Solomon 2 and 16th.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. And you know, if you are a married couple, yes, you should feast on the songs of Solomon. Yeah, it is a romance love Bible um book that just is beautiful, and also will teach you how to appreciate you know the love too. Exactly. I agree 100%. You know, enjoy the excitement, but start praying together early. That's something that we built. Now, we did a whole podcast on the importance of prayer in a marriage, you know, build habits that connect your hearts spiritually, not just emotionally. And I think that it's really big that you build a foundation of spiritual habits, you know, because without that foundation, um, you know, when you do hit rough patches, it can be hard.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, no, that's so true.

SPEAKER_00

And here are some practical tips for you to remember. Um, talk about your expectations early in that stage. What do I want for the future? You know, share your dreams, hear his or her dreams, right? Yeah. So that you know the importance of what one another wants.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_00

And remember that this stage won't last forever. And that's not a bad thing. It's realistic, you know. God's goal is growth, not just butterflies. He wants you to grow beyond that that first stage, you know.

SPEAKER_02

That's good. So we're gonna go to stage two, the power struggle. Not so perfect, right? So now this is where the real work begins. You start noticing differences, and suddenly those cute quirks can become irritations. We all know about that, right?

SPEAKER_00

Yes, we do. And God knows I've irritated this woman many times.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, and I know I have to, you know.

SPEAKER_00

It's a part of marriage and it's okay. You know, that that's the beautiful thing about when you do irritate them, you you get to make up. And the making up is always fun. Yes, you know, and you know, maybe one of you want to, you know, talk things out a while, and the other shuts down. Share us and I have been there. I run my mouth, I like to talk about it, I like to find a solution. Like, what's going on, Sharif? And when Charis is irritated or fuming, she will shut down and say, not right now. She'll put that look on her face. I don't want to keep talking about it. But when I was young, I I pressed her. Yeah, you know, and I've learned that you know, pressing a person when they are frustrated is not a good thing. You have to allow them their time.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. You know, yeah, you were super annoying.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I didn't want to deal with it. So uh what I knew because it was so early on, and I was young, and you know, we were 19 and 21, and we were super young. We were babies, you know, but the immaturity, right, in that is like I don't want to talk to you. Yeah, I'm gonna shut down, I'm gonna stay closed. Um, so it's important to that's why we're doing this podcast is to talk about how to overcome these things early so you don't have to do the same things and make the mistakes that we did. We want to help you so you have a a really good roadmap, you know, to success in your marriage.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. And you know, you learn quickly that your spouse isn't exactly like you.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And they don't respond to things the way you do. That's true. That's why you need to get to know what is good for them. So you can do those things, you know, and it's perfectly okay that you guys are not the same. Because clearly, if you were the same, you probably wouldn't have been attracted to one another. You know, this is a stage of refining, not breaking, you know, refining, you know, getting better, you know, and it's beautiful. And uh a scripture I want to share with you from Ephesians 4 and 2. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of love. And again, that's Ephesians 4 and 2.

SPEAKER_02

That's really good. Um, and this is where humility and patience are best are your best friends, right? So instead of trying to fix your spouse, pray. Lord, help me to understand their heart. Because sometimes we just automatically assume something, right? We don't even think about it, we just want it fixed immediately without even praying. And so the best advice we both can give you is just pray. Lord, help me to understand their heart.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. Amen. That's real.

SPEAKER_02

And God will reveal that to you.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. And the more you learn about your spouse's heart, you learn about their needs.

SPEAKER_01

Amen.

SPEAKER_00

You know, and that's the whole point of learning about their heart because you're saying, I want to hear what you need.

SPEAKER_01

That's right.

SPEAKER_00

Not what I think you need. Yeah. Or what I want to give you. It's about what they need from you. You know, when we hit the stage in our marriage, we learn that communication isn't about winning, it's about connection.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And that was huge. You know what I'm saying? I'm not in competition with my beloved.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

If anything, we want to complement and grow together. That's the goal always. You know? So we've learned listen before reacting. That's a huge one. That's one that when I was young, I struggled hard with it. And, you know, I'm still learning to be better with that one. Seek wise, godly counsel if you need help. That is so important to have steady people who are grounded to shape you, to direct you. And rem yeah. And remember, conflict handled with grace deepens choice. Trust deepens trust. And that word grace is so important because it was grace that grants us eternal life, the gift of grace from Jesus Christ. So we owe grace to one another every day.

SPEAKER_02

That's good. And I'll read a scripture on that. Um it's coming from 1 Corinthians 13, 4 through 5. And it says, we all should know this one. And it says, love is patient and kind. It's not irritable and it keeps no record of being wrong. So 1 Corinthians 13, 4 through 5. So that, you know, that scripture, we hear that so much. Love is patient. Love is kind. It's not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. But how many times do we do this as married couples or new um couples getting engaged, you know, because we're trying to rush, right? Love is patient, right? Or we're being rude. Love is kind. And it says it's not irritable. So that person who is meant for us, who is designed for us by God, we definitely should they shouldn't be getting on our nerves like that. Especially if we're aligned with God, you know, and I think that's the missing piece where people can manipulate this scripture. You know, they'll pick and choose what they want out of it.

SPEAKER_00

Amen.

SPEAKER_02

So and just remember it keeps no record of being wrong. So that right there, I mean, that scripture by itself is powerful. It's powerful if we really truly read it.

SPEAKER_00

So please remember that. And I think it's even important to remember because sometimes even couples they get into conflicts with other couples. And it's important to even remember this verse in those situations.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_00

You know, you can hold grudges. Oh, let's see what they did to us, you know, and you can develop attitudes, negativity that can run into your relationships. What you do to others, you will do to even the people that you love the most, yeah, you know, if you practice those negative habits.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

So learn to great grant grace to any and everybody is super important. Right. You know? That's really good, then. So we're going into stage three, the stability stage, learning to fight fair. So now things start to settle a bit, right? You've weathered a few storms and you're learning to have a conflict with grace. Remember that word? Grace.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly, babe. You accept your spouse's differences and you also begin to see them as a part of the beauty of your partnership. So you start asking, how can I support you? instead of why can't you see it my way?

SPEAKER_00

Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_02

And I'm gonna read from Amos three and three. It says, Can two people walk together without agreeing on this direction?

SPEAKER_00

Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_02

So Amos three and three.

SPEAKER_00

This makes me think about like doing a two-leg, what do they call it? A two-leg or a three-leg race when when when you tie your inside leg together with someone else, and you gotta walk together. Yes. If you can't make it an agreement, how you're going to navigate that, you won't go in the right direction. You'll be pulling against one another. You know what I mean? To make it work, it takes communication, it takes um, you know, collaboration. That's right. You know, and that's basically what this script and teamwork together. Amen. And that's what the scripture is talking about, you know, in my opinion. Um you're learning as it's, you know, collaboration, teamwork. You're finding your rhythm as a couple. I love that word, rhythm. You find a rhythm that you can walk together, you know, which is so important. And peace starts to return in your home.

SPEAKER_02

Amen. That's good.

SPEAKER_00

And here's a couple of tips. Keep dating each other. Keep laughing. Laughter keeps you alive. My wife has such an infectious, beautiful laugh that just tears my heart up. It makes me so happy. Study God's word together and celebrate progress instead of focusing on perfection.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

You know, it's not about being perfect, it's about doing your best and celebrating those wins. You know, and here is a scripture from Ephesians four and three. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. Ephesians four and three. Amen.

SPEAKER_02

That's really good. So we're gonna go to stage four, you guys, and it's this one is the commitment stage. Choosing love daily. Right? That's a commitment. So this is the stage where love becomes a choice, not just a feeling. You know your spouse's flaws and you love them anyway.

SPEAKER_00

Amen.

SPEAKER_02

This is that sickness, sickness and health. You know what I mean? Like, we're we're here for the long haul. We're here for the hall. You know what I mean? We have a commitment to make.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, that's beautiful. You understand that love means showing up, right? And showing up is is like the first thing that you have to do is show up. I've always heard that in anything that I've done, showing up is half the battle.

SPEAKER_02

That's right.

SPEAKER_00

Um, even on hard days, you know, you have to show up. Um, you no longer say, I need you to complete me, but I choose you because God joined us together. You know, and you walk in that, knowing that God put us together, and what God put together let no man separate.

SPEAKER_01

That's right. Amen.

SPEAKER_00

And amen. Here's a scripture from Songs of Solomon 3 and 4. I have found the one who my soul loves. Isn't that beautiful?

SPEAKER_02

That is beautiful.

SPEAKER_00

I have found the one whom my soul loves, and I tell you, the day I met my wife, this scripture right here was born inside of me because God truly gave me the one whom my soul. Loves.

SPEAKER_02

Me too, babe.

SPEAKER_00

And it was beautiful.

SPEAKER_02

It was beautiful. I love you for that. That's beautiful. It was a great great exchange, I'll say.

SPEAKER_00

The great exchange. Yes, it was. And a couple of tips for you keep communication open, even about small stuff. You know, a lot of people think small stuff is meaningless, but small stuff can turn into really big things if you keep collecting small things. That's right. Create new memories. Always plan to do things together. Have dates, plan little vacations, plan big vacations, medium-sized vacations. Just do things and keep having fun, gestures. I love to give my wife, I found these things called love bombs. I love them. And they just say little things. I like to sneak them into her lunch bag so that she can discover it at work. This little something to say, I love you. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_02

And it's so sweet too. I get them almost every day. And if I don't, then if you forget, you you'll text me or something. So you just you keep me full. And I that's something as a practical tip. Keep each other full.

SPEAKER_00

Amen.

SPEAKER_02

Right? So when we are not feeling our best self, we can rely on those things that every day you're loving me, every day you're affirming me, you know, every day you're kissing me, right? Whatever. Praying for me. Right. So those things, it's so important to make sure that you don't lose yourself in marriage, but keep each other full.

SPEAKER_00

Amen.

SPEAKER_02

You know, and let God do the rest.

SPEAKER_00

That's right. And find joy in the ordinary moments. We have a lot of ordinary moments in life where people claim that they're bored.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

But instead of focusing on boredom, focus on focus, focus on the joy of those ordinary moments.

SPEAKER_02

That's right.

SPEAKER_00

You know.

SPEAKER_02

Sometimes we'll just do like a little dance party in the house, you know, put on some old school music, everybody. Let's go. We income, you know, we incorporate the whole family in that. The kids love it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, right. Yes.

SPEAKER_02

Hey, we try to find the joy, you know what I'm saying? In the ordinary moment. So you know what? Even though they initially don't really want to do it, but you know how I am as their mother. Um, I'm like, hey, but then they're laughing and they're goofing or goofing around, being silly. And you know, it only takes five or ten minutes to do something like that. But that's right, it brings joy within the ordinary moments. That's right. That's right. Just trial, you guys. That's fun. Um, and when it's tough, remember what Ecclesiastes 4 and 12 says. It says a person standing alone can can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. I love that stand to that.

SPEAKER_02

That beautiful.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. That's almost like that scripture where there's two or three gathered. God will be in the mess. You know, yes. I love it. So we're going to stage five. It's the co-creation stave. And it says purpose beyond us, right?

SPEAKER_01

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

Um, this is where your marriage becomes a ministry, right? Amen to that. Amen. You've grown, you've grown through trials, and now your love has a mission to bless others.

SPEAKER_01

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00

You know, this is where you want to say, God has blessed me so much that I want to share the goodness of that and how God has blessed my marriage. How can I give back to others to give them a foundation of what God has blessed me with?

SPEAKER_02

That's right. Love that. That's really good, babe. And maybe, you know, you're mentoring younger couples, serving in church, or leading together in your community. This stage says our love is about more than us, it's about God working through us.

SPEAKER_00

That's right. 100%. That's that give back stage. God, I'm so appreciative of what you've done for me.

SPEAKER_01

That's right.

SPEAKER_00

That God, I want to shine a light and give back and let the world know how you have blessed us.

SPEAKER_02

That's right. And so I'll read a scripture from Hebrews 10 and 24. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. I like that. I like that a lot. You know, ask God, how can our marriage reflect your glory? Amen. How can it reflect your glory? Whether through serving, parenting, or encouraging others, your marriage becomes a living testimony of grace.

SPEAKER_01

That's good.

SPEAKER_00

And I always go back to that grace because the nail-scarred hands and feet of Jesus Christ. Yes, dying for our sins, that was grace.

SPEAKER_02

That was definitely some grace and sacrifice.

SPEAKER_00

And sacrifice. He didn't have to do that. But he did it because he loved us. That's right. And that's the only reason he did it. Because he loved us. So we need to love each other like that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

With grace. That's good. I love you. I love you more than I love myself. I'm putting you first. You know? And there's a scripture from Joshua 24 and 15. As for me and my family, or as for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord.

SPEAKER_02

Amen. This was uh I love we love this scripture.

SPEAKER_00

We love this scripture. We do. Um, my sister, rest in peace, Tanya Price Ellis. She, when she passed away, um or before she passed away, she gave Shharus and I, she was the one who introduced Shharus and I to get to one another. Um, and she gave us this really beautiful piece from her home.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it was like a plaque.

SPEAKER_00

It was a plaque.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and we hung it over our door for many years. For maybe 20 years? Yeah, for years. Like 15 or 20 years. And um it was just very sentimental, and we just always kept that. And then we gave it to her youngest son. Cameron, yes. Yep, and um, because that was her baby boy, her youngest son, and we gave it to them and their family so they can carry that legacy.

SPEAKER_00

So we want, yeah. We want to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_02

Because it's such a beautiful, yeah, and it's such a beautiful scripture. As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord. Amen. And it's so beautiful. So Amen. Yes, beautiful moments, yes. So, um, you know, as we wrap up here, um, we want you to understand as well that marriage isn't a straight path, it's a sacred journey of growth. And what was it, Eric? Grace, grace, amen. So growth and grace. So if you, you know, if you think about those things in your relationship and you have a journey, you're going to grow, but there's gonna be times where you're gonna have to give your spouse some grace. Um, and I had to learn that in our relationship, and God humbled me, you know, in my heart about grace, and I thank God every day for that. So I think that's just that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. And remember, each stage from romance to co-creation is a chance to love more like Jesus and less like the world. Because the world wants you to be selfish, yeah, and focus only on yourself. Remember, your marriage isn't meant to be perfect, it's meant to be transform trans transformational.

SPEAKER_02

Amen. That's good, you know, amen. An example, yeah, because I'm definitely a different person from when I was when I was 19. God has transformed us in our relationship and our communication and our love and our um parenting, everything, you know, just our growth in general has been transformational. So that's right. It's beautiful. So we have a scripture here, and this one says, and the two are united into one, since they are no longer two but one. Let no one split them apart what God has joined together. And that was from Mark 10, 8 through 9.

SPEAKER_00

Amen to that.

SPEAKER_02

Amen. Amen. So, of course, you know we got some homework for you guys, amen. And a little bit of reflection. That's right. So, you know, take this time this week to reflect and talk with your spouse. Number one, we're gonna start with what stage are you currently in?

SPEAKER_00

Amen. And number two, what is the one strength we see in our marriage right now? Great starter for a conversation, right?

SPEAKER_02

That's great. Number three, what's one area we can grow together with God's help?

SPEAKER_00

I like that one. And number four, choose one verse from today's episode to memorize and pray over your marriage this week. I challenge you to do that.

SPEAKER_02

That's really good. And a bonus challenge. We know we got some competitive listeners, so write a short prayer together, thanking God for your marriage journey so far. And that should be beautiful. So, both of you, husband and wife, I challenge you. Write a short prayer together. And you know, after you write it down, type it out, text it, whatever you want to do. But I would make it, you know, make something very visual, you know, so your spouse knows that you're thinking about them. You could print it, you could put it in a frame, make it extra nice. You know, those things are really beautiful. So, because sometimes, especially us as women, we need those things just written down so we can see it in plain sight.

SPEAKER_00

So or go make a prayer song.

SPEAKER_02

Or go make a prayer song.

SPEAKER_00

You know, why not?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that was beautiful, guys. I was bawling my eyes out. I couldn't even get myself together. I was like, why does why my husband do this to me like this? I was like, oh.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, remember prayersong.com.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, that was really cool. So definitely do that. Yeah, that would be a great challenge too this week. And I want to hear your testimonies. If you did, write it in the comments. You know, let us know what you guys did this week because we like we like to hear from you guys. We don't just do this for our own pleasure, you know. We're doing this for you, and we're doing this for God because God commanded and instructed us to do this, and um, we are just being obedient vessels working for God.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_02

All right, so should we close up in prayer?

SPEAKER_00

Yes, let us close in prayer. Um, Lord, thank you for every couple listening today. Thank you for walking with us through every stage, from the mountaintops to the valleys. Help us to love as you love, God. Please, God, with patience, humility, and grace. Yes, God strengthen every marriage represented here, or that will listen to this podcast, Lord. And even those that don't, God, unite hearts, heal wounds, and restore joy. God, I ask that, Lord. And may our homes reflect your peace and our marriage point others to Christ, God. We ask that, Lord, in Jesus' name we pray. Amen and amen.

SPEAKER_02

Amen. That's beautiful. So we really hope you guys enjoyed this today, and definitely take those challenges and those tips serious because this will help you. This will help you grow in grace, right? And grow in your journey, in your relationship. Um, so we just more than anything always, we just want to say thank you for joining us today on Anchored in Grace.

SPEAKER_00

And we thank you. And remember, the one who anchors you in grace is also holding you in his love. And peace.

SPEAKER_02

So thank you so much, but definitely don't forget to like, subscribe, and make sure that you guys comment below with things that you want to hear from us or some of your homework tips and things that you guys did this week. We would love to hear that. So, um, or love to read it, definitely. So, like I said, like, subscribe, share, and until next time.

SPEAKER_00

Until next time. Thank you for joining us and Anchored in Grace.