Surface-Level Attacks: When Old Pain Resurfaces

Podcast Intro: Surface-Level Attacks—When Old Pain Resurfaces

Have you ever thought you were healed from something—only for one conversation, one disagreement, or one unexpected moment to bring all those old emotions rushing back?

Sometimes the attack is not about what is happening right now. It is connected to a wound from your past that was never fully surrendered, healed, or replaced with the truth of God’s Word.

Welcome to Anchored in Grace. We are your hosts, Eric and Sharris, and today we are talking about “Surface-Level Attacks: When Old Pain Resurfaces.”

In relationships and marriage, past rejection, betrayal, disappointment, abandonment, and unresolved hurt can suddenly rise to the surface. Before we realize it, we may respond to the person in front of us based on the pain of someone or something from our past.

But God does not want us living as prisoners of old wounds. He wants to heal us completely—beneath the surface—and replace our pain with His love, grace, peace, forgiveness, and joy.

Today, we are going to discuss how to recognize emotional and spiritual triggers, how unresolved pain affects our relationships, and how surrendering those wounded places to God can help us respond from a place of healing instead of hurt.

So, take a deep breath, open your heart, and prepare to go beneath the surface—because what resurfaces is not always meant to destroy you. Sometimes God allows it to come up so He can finally heal it.

Homework: The Seven-Day Surface-to-Surrender Challenge

Day One: Ask God to Search You

Read Psalm 139:23–24.

Pray:

“God, reveal what is beneath the surface of my heart.”

Write down anything God brings to your attention.

Day Two: Identify Your Triggers

Write down three situations that regularly produce a strong emotional reaction.

For each one, ask:

“What does this situation remind me of?”

Day Three: Identify the Lie

Write down the negative message connected to each trigger.

Examples:

“I am not enough.”

“Everyone will eventually leave me.”

“I cannot trust anyone.”

“My feelings do not matter.”

Day Four: Replace the Lie With Truth

Find a Scripture that speaks against each lie.

Examples:

“I am not enough” can be replaced with the truth that God’s grace is sufficient.

“Everyone will leave me” can be replaced with Hebrews 13:5, where God promises never to fail or abandon us.

“I am unlovable” can be replaced with Romans 8:38–39, which teaches that nothing can separate us from God’s love.

Day Five: Have an Honest Conversation

Married and engaged couples should set aside uninterrupted time to discuss one emotional trigger.

Use this structure:

“When this happened, I felt…”

“It reminded me of…”

“The story I began telling myself was…”

“What I need from you is…”

“What I am asking God to heal in me is…”

Singles can have this conversation with God, a trusted mentor, counselor, or pastor.

Day Six: Release the Pressure

Spend at least fifteen minutes in prayer, worship, journaling, or quiet reflection.

Name every burden you have been trying to carry.

Then surrender each burden to Jesus.

Day Seven: Practice Replacement

Choose one fruit of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22–23 that you want to practice intentionally.

Ask God:

“What would love look like in this situation?”

“What would patience look like?”

“What would self-control look like?”

“What would peace look like?”

At the end of the week, share what God revealed and how your responses began to change.

Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:01

Welcome back to another edition of Anchored and Grace Podcast. I'm Erin. And I'm Charis. We are grateful that you have chosen to spend this time with us today. We are discussing a subject that affects individuals, marriages, families, and relationships. And that is called surface level attacks.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Surface level attacks.

SPEAKER_06 0:26

So sometimes we believe we have moved beyond something, healed from something, or completely forgiven something. Then a situation, a conversation, a memory, disappointment, or conflict causes those old feelings to rise back to the surface.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Yeah, that's that's really real, Sharks. Everybody has a rhythm that you can be on and you can be off, you know, and that happens to people every day. There are times when you feel strong, focused, peaceful, and spiritually connected. There are also times when you feel tired, irritated, discouraged, vulnerable, and emotionally overwhelmed. Being off rhythm does not necessarily mean you have lost faith, right? It may mean that something beneath the surface needs your attention. And God needs to always know what's going on in our heart, right? And we need to give those things to Him. So today we want to discuss what happens when old pain surfaces, how pressure exposes what is inside of us. And that happens. Really hard things in life come and it really exposes us. It opens us up. So the goal in this situation is surrendering our wounds to God to protect our relationships.

SPEAKER_06 1:48

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

You know?

SPEAKER_06 1:50

Okay. Thank you so much. So let's go ahead and start out in prayer. Amen. So, Heavenly Father, we just thank you for every person listening today. We invite your Holy Spirit into this conversation. Search our hearts and reveal anything beneath the surface that still needs to be healed. Show us the pain we have been, we have buried, the offenses we have carried, and the pressure we have attempted to manage without you. Your word says, God, in Psalms 147 and 3, that you heal the brokenhearted and bandage, bandage their wounds.

SPEAKER_04 2:26

Amen.

SPEAKER_06 2:26

Father, heal every wounded place within us. Give married couples the courage to communicate with love and honesty. Give engaged couples wisdom as they prepare for marriage. Give single people discernment, patience, and emotional maturity as they wait for the person you have just for them. Help us all recognize that our spouse is not the enemy. Teach us how to fight for one another instead of fighting against one another. Replace our fear with faith, our anger with peace, our bitterness with forgiveness, and our pain with your love and your grace. We surrender this episode to you, God. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Amen. Beautiful prayer, my love. I love it. So today we're gonna start off with our foundational scripture. It's gonna be Psalms 91, verses 1 and 2. And this is one of my very favorite verses in the Bible that my mom taught me when I was young. And it says, Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. You know, God offers us protection, covering, and rest. However, living under God's protection does not mean that attitude, attacks will never come. It means we it means we do not have to face them alone. So, you know, this is really important to me because I remember, you know, we constantly deal with attacks in in our lives. And I think about the things that me and Shars have encountered lately and have been dealing with probably for the last few years. I always find peace in the scripture because, you know, you find rest in the sh in the shelter of the Almighty. And you know, resting in God's shadow, you know, there's protection there. And and that is the beauty and then covering. So, you know, uh, just remember that, man. That's why knowing scriptures are so important when you're feeling a certain way. You can really surrender into these scriptures that bring wholeness to you, you know. So let's move on to the next one, John 16 and 33. Jesus tells us that we will experience trials and sorrows in the world, but we can take heart because he has overcome the world, you know. You know.

SPEAKER_06 5:01

And also, you know, Jesus never promised us a life without pressure. He promised us his presence in the middle of the pressure.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

Yes. And I think it's important to understand that, like I said, you're you're not gonna experience a life without going through things. You know, God is not gonna make our lives perfect and easy.

SPEAKER_06 5:21

But he says we wouldn't need him.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

That's right. We we would not need him. But he'll be there with us going through things, you know.

SPEAKER_06 5:29

Yeah, and I don't, you know, want people to get confused either when we say that, because you might take it as, oh, God just wants us to go through things so we depend on him. God also wants to go through you through those times of joy and happiness as well. God is always with us, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:45

He is always with us, but he's but what what you just said, he's with us through every season, whether the good or the bad seasons, the hard things and the easy things. So God wants us to know that when we do go through hard things, that he's with us. He's with us. We're gonna go through hard things, we're not gonna escape them. Apostle Paul talks about that in all the books he wrote in the New Testament. This, how hard running the race, going through trials, and it hurt, it was difficult. But you know what? Paul always persevered because he knew that God was with him, you know, and that's something that we have. The disciples, you go back and read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John when the when the disciples were on their journeys and their missions and they went through difficult things. What did Jesus tell them when they got turned away from cities? When you walk away from that city and shake the dust off your sandals, don't worry about it. You know, keep moving. You know what I mean? So, you know, he's always with us no matter what. You know, so we're gonna talk about partial healing and it's not full healing. We've talked about this before, you know, and um it's imp and it's really important for us to repeat because I think a lot of us can sit in this place. I've sat in this place in my life many times in my life, partially healed, wondering why I still feel like I'm missing something in my life. You know, um, sometimes we have to talk with God about our experience completely and surrender that experience to him. We have to be open and honest with God about what we're doing, dealing with because he knows anyway. So you might as well talk to him and and and tell him really what's going on in your heart. You know, we prayed about it, we cried about it, we told somebody about it. Um, we may even have to be forgiven for a part of it, you know, because all issues are not others, it's ours too, right? We hold a piece of that, right? Um but deep within us, we are still holding on to fear, anger, shame, disappointment, rejection, and sometimes mistreatment connected to what happened. You know, we have so many things in our lives that haunt us sometimes, that hurt. And we don't deal with those things and they become traumatic in our life. And we have to learn how to allow God to bring healing in those situations so that we can become complete. So that we can become whole.

SPEAKER_04 8:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Because He is the one who can make us whole. You know?

SPEAKER_06 8:27

That's good. And also partial healing can leave an emotional wound vulnerable to re-infection, right? Because if it's open, it's gonna get infected, right? If you don't deal with it. So think about a physical wound. If it's not properly cleaned, treated, protected, and allowed to heal, it may appear, appear um better on the surface, right? While infection continues beneath the surface. So the same thing that can happen emotionally and spiritually to us. We may look healed publicly while still hurting privately, right? We all been there before and know we all have. Um we may appear peaceful until something touches the wound, right? We may say we have forgiven until we hear the person's name. Um, and then that brings something up, right? An old memory. We may believe we have moved forward until our spouse says something that reminds us of someone who hurt us in the past, right? So we all have gone and struggled through different things and conversations or um just things that just have occurred in our life, right? In our past. And this is when what is underneath the surface begins to rise, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Oh yeah. Yeah. And it's a really bad feeling when you have something triggering and something that this really bothers you. Um, and and this is one me and Chariz has worked on like like really listening. You know, listening is important in our relationship. And I learned with my wife that it's important for me to listen because at times I have not listened and it created frustration, you know, because think about it when you're talking to somebody and you're not fully listening, and they have to constantly repeat themselves and kind of go back over and over the same thing again, it becomes frustrating. And it can be frustrating too if they've gone through their life and people haven't listened to them, right? So it's triggering because it may not be you in that moment that is the source of that pain, but you are opening up that wound and pain but by not listening. So it's important for us to learn our spouses so that we can say, okay, I know that's going to be triggering to my spouse. And I don't want to be one that adds to things that hurt them. That's right.

SPEAKER_06 10:56

That's right. You know, and I have to say, you know, I just really commend you on applying that because, you know, that was a wound for a really long time in our relationship. I always said, babe, you're not listening. Babe, are you hearing me? Why do I have to repeat myself? And you would just talk, you know, you're a natural-born talker. That's that's who you are, that's who you always have been, even before I knew you. You know, your parents even used to say, Eric, you always used to talk and blah, blah, blah, you know, talking to strangers, just talking to them. That's that's in your purpose, you know. And one thing I had to understand was, okay, as your wife, right, as your mate, it's important for me to put my request known to you, right? Vice versa, for you to me. Like, babe, I wasn't feeling like you were really truly listening, right? So I commend you because you know, our conversations, I'll say probably over the past two, two and a half years have just steadily increased because we are also stopping to pause, right? You are stopping to pause to listen. And it's so validating to me, right? As your wife, because now I feel even though I was already valued before, but it's more value because now you're applying the work. So I commend you on that. And um, you guys were just normal people, just like you. So you know I just want to make sure I commend my husband. You know, I tell him I validate him all the time and he validates me, but it's also important, you know, just I just want to recognize you in that moment because you have definitely overcame that. So God is good.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

No, I appreciate that, and I still have a lot of work to do in that area. And I appreciate you saying that, you know, and I'll say to any man out there, because I can speak to men because I'm one, and you know, understanding the difference between listening and hearing. You know what I mean? You know, there's one thing to listen to somebody, but there's another thing to actually hear what they're saying and hear in your heart and bring that into your heart, what they're saying, and then to take action. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 13:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

So, you know, that's the emotional connection with your spouse. You want to take time to learn to hear in your in their heart, hear behind their words. What are they saying to you? What are they requesting? And really think about how you can, you know, grant that request and make it happen. You know, just don't be a person that hears something and don't listen. Because we hear a lot of things, yeah, but we don't always listen to what's being said. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's good. So, yeah. So our next scripture here, Psalms 139 and 23 through 24. You know, one of my favorite scriptures, this is David, you know, who wrote this, and he's talking about search me, oh God, and know my heart, test me and and know my angel's thoughts. You know, this always reminds me of my brother Seth when we've had conversations about this scripture and the importance of asking God to search us. You know, it takes a lot of uh um courage to ask God to know me so intimately that I want you to search my heart daily, to know me, to know my heart, and to take away the anxious thoughts, take away all the things that are not like you and remove those things from me. You know, you're asking God to do quality assurance over you every day.

SPEAKER_04 14:31

Every day.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

That prayer requires, like I said, courage. We are are simply asking God to change our circumstances. We're not asking God to change our circumstances. We are asking him to examine our hearts. So, and that's one thing. We constantly, when we pray, like when think about our request to God, sometimes our prayers are centered around God, oh, please change my circumstances. Please take this away from me. Like when Jesus was in the garden of Khedime and he said, take this cup, right? But sometimes Jesus wants, God wants to see a heart transformation in us. I've seen so many people want to be healed from affliction, right? But God doesn't always go straight for the healing of the affliction first. He wants to heal the heart first. Because sometimes we're in our circumstances because of certain situations, and it's learning to trust God through all seasons of our lives and saying, God, I'm gonna give this to you, even in my affliction, like Job. No, I'm gonna give this to you, and I need you, God, regardless of what happens, to heal my heart. You know what I mean? It's really important.

SPEAKER_06 15:48

That's good. I love it. So, our next point that we're gonna be talking about, you guys, is everyone has a rhythm. So every person has an emotional, spiritual, and relational rhythm. There are times when you are resting well, praying consistently, communicating clearly, and responding patiently. There are also times when stress, exhaustion, grief, financial pressure, family problems, workplace problems, or unresolved conflict throws you out of rhythm. When you are off rhythm, small things can produce large reactions. A simple question, excuse me, from your spouse can feel like an accusation, right? A delayed text message can feel like rejection. A disagreement can feel like abandonment. A correction can feel like disrespect. A moment of silence can feel like emotional withdrawal.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

And I think a lot of guys experience that with their wives often because I will say women are more emotional at times. Granted, men are a lot more emotional these days, I will say. Um, but uh all of us guys have been in those situations where, you know, there's been, there was one that you read, like like a simple uh question from your spouse can feel like an accusation. You know, you ask a question and then it comes off like, why are you, why are you asking me that? You know what I'm saying? It it creates an attitude, you know what I'm saying? And, you know, and this, like when you talk about being on rhythm, you know what I'm saying? This the Holy Spirit is speaking to me right now and saying, like, say to everyone that it's important to learn and read your spouse to know like when they're off. But when you're when you're because you have a baseline for your spouse.

SPEAKER_04 17:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

You know when they're functioning like in their their their 100% way that you know them, right? And then they get off. Because I I can tell what charisma when she's off. She feels a little bit different. If her words feel a little bit different, and she can feel the same thing about me, right? You know, when I'm off, you know. So that's when when it's important to come to each other and say, hey, honey, I just feel I'm feeling like you're off a little bit spiritually or emotionally. Is there something going on? Can we pray together? Yeah. You know, it's taking that extra step to be aware of them and to be willing to take things to Jesus for prayer because we can't fix every situation, but Jesus can. And we can always take things to prayer, to God in prayer.

SPEAKER_06 18:37

And I'll speak on that real quick because I think that's that's so good that you say that, because I think we've done it in the past, maybe like 10, 15 years, right? Ago, probably maybe even sooner than that, but um I can even say in the last five years, right? You can make an assumption or an accusation so quickly, or you look at me and I'm like, why are you looking at me like that? You're like, I'm just admiring how beautiful you are, sweetie. And I'm like, I don't even look cute today.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

Yeah. You can you can speak your own negative, you know, your blessing as a negative, right? That's right, right.

SPEAKER_06 19:14

And so what I'm trying to say is it's so important. One thing we've had to learn is instead of trying to do it our own way, we've had to stop and say, gosh, why do we always we're buttonheads or arguing about the simplest things, right? And and we have, and I'm here to tell you because this is just straight, straight up testimony, is like, you know, we've been in moments of disagreement or a slight argument. And we're I'm just like, I can't even talk to him right now. Yeah, right. And he's like, well, I ain't talking to her either, right? So we're sitting in a room, we just sitting in the room watching the show, but we ain't even talking to each other, which is crazy, right? And so that was our past, but now, you know, I can speak on like when we're before we even get to that level, we both look at each other and we're like, we need to pray. Like, let's grab hands, let's pray, because if we don't do that, we know what it can become. And those are those things where the surface, I I don't want to go back down where I was, right? I'm trying to stay up. I'm not trying to go back to what hurt me. I'm not trying to go back to those slighted words of accusation or accusal or emotional withdrawal or whatever disrespect or whatever it was, right? That felt like just a correction or are you gonna clean that up a little better or whatever, you know? And you're like, are you serious right now? But now we have to just stop and pray. We we allow God to get in the middle of it with us, right? The middle of our mess. Yeah. So we don't have stress. Okay. So I can just speak on that. That is so much relief and so much peace in our walk. Our walk is different. Right. After the prayer, it's like, why was we even arguing? Why were we fighting like this? So stupid. I can't I'm so sorry. Please forgive me because I was acting a fool. Like, like real talk, you know. So I just wanted to make sure I said that because I think that is super important. And I think a lot of us get in these arguments in our spouse's relationship, even in a friendship, right? And it's like, hey, we're foundational. Like, let's stop and represent who we represent on a daily basis and let's hold hands, let's pray, close our eyes, and let God take care of the rest, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:43

Yeah. You know, because it's important to understand that these surface level reactions and conversation, um, you are not responding only to what is happening in the moment, like right now.

SPEAKER_04 21:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

You also could be responding to what happened. Before exactly. We we a lot of times we have things that happened to us in the past and we're responding based off those things. You know, you're that's so good. Your spouse may be standing in front of you, but emotionally you may be arguing with someone from your past, you know, somebody who hurts you, you know.

SPEAKER_06 22:19

That's heavy, you know. That's really good. Like, seriously, like that's so good. And I think we should pause there for just a second because I think, you know, wow, that's really good. That you know, you you sit there and you think about you may be arguing with someone from your past. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I really need you guys to think about that. Put yourself in that situation. Have you? And sometimes it's not even your spouse. Sometimes it could be to your kids because maybe your parent treated you this way. And now, you know, it could be as simple as your kids washing dishes and you had to get up in the middle of the night because you didn't do your chores and your parents were angry or whatever. I know I've had that in my past. My mom woke me up and said, uh-uh, you gotta come do it right, right? And so you can have those flashbacks, right? Like I said, as you're standing in front of you, the person standing in front of you, but emotionally, you might be arguing with someone from your past.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

Yeah, I've seen it time and time again with individuals and marriages that maybe had a bad first marriage.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Or a bad first relationship. Right. Maybe it wasn't even a marriage. But the things that happened in that first relationship was brought into the new relationship. So the new person suffers because of what the old person did. And that's why it's important for both individuals in a relationship to make sure they deal with all those things. Self-awareness is important. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:52

What am I dealing with? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

You know, before you react, ask yourself Am I responding to what my spouse actually said, or am I responding to a situation that reminds me of whatever? You know what I'm saying? That's good. So, you know, we don't want to hold your spouse hostage, your current spouse, for something somebody else in the past did. That's right.

SPEAKER_06 24:17

That's yeah, that's really good. Let's put some scripture on it. So James 1, 19 and 20, um, NLT version says, James teaches us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteous God, the righteousness God desires. So it's in the Bible, it is right there in the word, and um we just have to take heed, like Eric said, get to get to read your Bible, you know, lock in with that because it it's all there. The answers are all there. We're sitting there always looking for this and that or the other, but it's in the living word. The word is living, right? So uh when we are off rhythm, we must slow down.

SPEAKER_05 25:06

Amen.

SPEAKER_06 25:07

We must give ourselves enough time to recognize what is really happening inside of us before we release it into someone else.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

Amen. And and I will say to my single folks out there that listen to our podcast for you too, because you've done dating, you know. And what and as you date, you're gonna you may date multiple people before you find a person you want to marry. Right. So make sure you're healing from hurts and wounds, from even dating relationships, because you don't want to take that forward either. You know what I mean? It doesn't matter the type of relationship, a dating relationship, like a uh uh a um, what do you call it? Um not emotional, but a uh like a sexual uh dating, you know, relationship, or it could be friendships, it could be uh parental um uh relationships, it can be relationships with your brothers and sisters, anything. Any any type of relationship, professional, you know, things that hurt you. Yeah, don't take those things forward. Seek healing.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

You know, very important. Um so your attitude towards God determines your defense. All right, that's what we're gonna be talking about next. Our posture towards God is vital. Um, when we are completely submitted to God, we have a spiritual defense when the enemy attempts to reintroduce the pain that God has already begun healing, and that happens. You know, we're we're feeling really good about what God is doing us. We feel he'll, and the devil's a tricky one. He'll come back and throw things in your mind, he'll have people say certain things. He uses people, he uses things, but he really uses us. He uses our mind as like a playground for him. And um, he will trigger you to get you off rhythm. You know, attacks are gonna come throughout our lives. They're never gonna stop. That's why praying, having the Holy Spirit walk with you is so important. Um, something may remind you of what happened, you know, something someone did, something you saw. A familiar environment may trigger a memory, you know. That's why we always need to be prayerful when we're going places, right? Um, a conversation may awaken an insecurity. You know, I remember Sharius and I were having a conversation about soul ties. We did a whole um podcast on soul cut soul ties. That brought up some feelings, some memories, some thoughts. Like, wow, I didn't even know that was there. You know what I mean? Um, an anniversary may remind you of a betrayal. Um, someone's tone may remind you of how another person once spoke to you. You know, that's why tones are important. Really be mindful about how we speak to each other.

SPEAKER_04 28:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:08

The enemy often uses uses reminders to make us believe that we are still trapped in an experience God has already brought us through. You know, God has paid the price for all these things.

SPEAKER_02 28:23

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

You know, he really has.

SPEAKER_06 28:25

Yeah. So, however, when you have truly surrendered your pain to God, he gives you something to replace what once lived inside of you. Right? He replaces fear with faith. Yeah. He replaces shame with identity, he replaces anxiety with peace. He replaces bitterness with forgiveness. Yes. He replaces emptiness with his presence. He replaces emotional chaos with spiritual stability.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

That's really good. You know, Galatians 5, 20 through 22 through 23. The Holy Spirit produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are the fruit of the spirit. These are the characteristics of Christ, right? Um, these are simply not just nice qualities. They are spiritual defenses. When anger attempts to rise, the Holy Spirit produces self-control. And all those things are the things that God puts in our hearts when we accept Him. When fear attempts to return, the Holy Spirit produces peace, right?

SPEAKER_04 29:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

When bitterness attempts to grow, the Holy Spirit produces love and kindness. When frustration makes us want to quit, the Holy Spirit produces patience and faithfulness. The fruit of the spirit helps repel what the enemy is attempting to reproduce into our hearts. And that's why it's important to know these fruits of the spirit.

SPEAKER_06 30:05

Amen. That's really good. And the next um topic we're going to talk about is God does not only remove, he replaces. Amen. Okay. So sometimes we ask God to remove our pain, but we do not allow him to replace it with his presence. Healing is not only about getting rid of something, it's also about receiving something new.

SPEAKER_03 30:29

Amen.

SPEAKER_06 30:30

God does not want to leave an empty space where the hurt used to be. Jesus warned about the danger of a house being emptied but not properly filled. Amen. When God removes unhealthy thoughts, destructive habits, bitterness, fear, or rejection, we must allow the Holy Spirit to fill those spaces.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

And I pray for him often. And one thing God told me to tell him was that God is not just trying to heal his physical body. He wants to transform him. Because in his journey of this pain right now, his mindset is why am I going through this? Why did this happen to me? Instead of being, huh, Lord, I know you're with me.

SPEAKER_04 31:27

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 31:27

I know you can bring me through this. God, I've known, because he knows God. You know what I'm saying? But sometimes we slip into that when we go through hard situations, you know?

SPEAKER_02 31:37

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

And that's why I say it's important for us to be thinking about that. No matter what we face, we have to learn to build our faith up. Spending time in your word, reading your Bible, praying, praising God. So when the hard things do happen, you'll be able to stand storm, stand strong in the storm, you know, and face those things. You know, Romans 12 and 2 says, Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. You know, God wants to change your thinking.

SPEAKER_04 32:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:12

You know, God wants God wants to change more than our behavior. He wants to transform our thought processes, our attitudes, our mindsets. It's possible to stop discussing an experience. Or I may ask this. Is it possible to stop discussing an experience without changing the way the experience shaped your thinking? You know what I'm saying? We go through so many things, right? And we can see it one way. You know, we can always see it a certain way. But God will give you perspective over time as you learn and learn to trust Him. He'll help you to see where you were wrong in a situation, where you could have been better in a situation. You know, you may no longer talk about the betrayal, but you still believe nobody can be trusted. You know what I'm saying? I've seen people do that. I've seen people be in a place where, yeah, such and such did this to me, you know, and they don't talk about it, but they will make comments like, yeah, I'll never do that again. Cause, you know, I can't, I can't trust them. You know, you can't trust people. You know, it puts them in that place of defense.

SPEAKER_04 33:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

You may you may no longer discuss abandonment, but you still expect everyone to leave.

unknown 33:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

You know, they were gonna leave anyway, you know.

SPEAKER_02 33:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:37

That's why I didn't fully commit. You know what I mean? Um, you may know, you may no longer mention the rejection, but you still believe you are not enough. And that's the insecurities on the inside. You know, we feel that way. We allow people to shrink us and make us feel small, you know, based off of our experiences.

SPEAKER_04 33:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

You may know you may no longer discuss the failed relationship, but you can carry its fears into the next relationship. Yeah. We've already talked about that. How we can take things from the past into the present. And that's not a good thing. God wants us to, God wants to heal the experience and the belief system that develop from the experience. And that's what's important. That's what I'm telling my friend. Let God use your experience, your situation as a testimony of his glory because he wants to do something great in you.

SPEAKER_04 34:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:33

You know what I mean? Amen. So, our next talking point. Um, it was funny when we were putting this together, um, and I remember the Holy Spirit giving me this thought about a naval fleet and a submarine, and you're probably like, what does that got to do with the words, right? So imagine a naval fleet. Um, on the surface, you can see the ships, right? On the surface. So you got a fleet, you got a naval fleet, you got all the different sheets of ships and stuff, and on on the surface, you can see the ships. Um, they are visible, organized, and positioned for protection, right? However, there are other vessels operating beneath the surface, which are submarines, right? Which is a part of the fleet. You just don't see the submarine because it's submerged.

SPEAKER_04 35:28

Right.

SPEAKER_01 35:28

The submarine can move quietly, it can operate in stealth, and it can travel beneath the surface without being easily detected. Yeah. Now, images, now imagine that your life is like a naval fleet. Right? Remember what we're talking about on our subject today. You have you have things and people. There are things and people who can see your surface, right? They have people that can see you, and and they can see you, but you can't see everything that's going on, like your marriage, your career, your family, your ministry, your friendship, your responsibilities, your public personality. But beneath the surface, there are many hidden fears. You got burdens, you got disappointment, you got unresolved trauma, secret insecurities, and unspoken resentment. You know, these are things that you're harboring beneath and hiding from people. You know?

SPEAKER_06 36:34

That's right. That's really good. So good. I remember that day when we were getting this together, and you know, the Holy Spirit works how he works, you know, and it was just God moved in that, and we just visually were like, wow. It's just wild how we were just like, uh, you know, for our next podcast, what are we gonna do?

SPEAKER_04 36:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 36:55

And God just always shows up, you know. But when he gave you this analogy and this vision of the submarine, and you know, you're talking about the submergent. And um, I loved when you were talking about um how it can move, the submarine can move quietly, but it also can operate in stealth, right? But it can travel beneath the surface without being easily detected. And that that that's so real. Yeah. Like sometimes we don't even know it's coming. Yeah. Right? But you say something, we're just we're having a great time and you know, out to dinner, listening to some music, have, you know, eating good food, and and then you say something. Yeah. And then I'm like, excuse me. You know, and it just cuts. Right now that wound is open. Now I'm like, I'm bleeding right now. Why am I bleeding? You know, so I just think it's so good, you guys, just to really think about the surface level things that arise in your life and the trauma that pops up and the hidden fears and the buried disappointment, you know, secret insecurities. Because sometimes we could be walking around and just living a life and we don't even realize, like, why am I doing this? Is this like more of a trend in my life that I'm doing? I'm gonna try and do this because my friend's doing it, or am I dressing that way because her she's doing that way? Am I cussing now because I'm in a group of people that cuss? Like, yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, those are just things we do, right? Naturally, because you're adapting to the environment.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

That's right. The devil will use anything, you know, and that's his goal is to use your weaknesses. Yep. You know, that's why he's always looking at you. And the devil will even give you what you desire sometime to keep you from being focused on the things that God wants you to be focused on. That's so true. You know?

SPEAKER_06 38:52

Yep, you're right. And the enemy also operates beneath the surface.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

Yes, he does.

SPEAKER_06 38:57

So speak on that. So it says, you know, he does not always attack you through obvious problems. Sometimes the enemy will come and attack you through hidden thoughts, internal accusations, old memories, and emotional triggers.

SPEAKER_05 39:15

All the time.

SPEAKER_06 39:16

We all have those. He may also whisper, your spouse does not really love you, even though he just told you. Uh, they are going to leave you just like that last person did. You will never have a healthy marriage like your parents, or your auntie, you or your uncle. You are not worthy of love. You cannot trust anyone. You will always be broken. These thoughts can rise suddenly, like a submarine surf surfacing during battle.

SPEAKER_04 39:50

That's right.

SPEAKER_06 39:51

So it's just so important, you guys, to understand these attacks that come on our lives on a daily basis. Sometimes, like I said, it's not even the obvious problems. Like, I'm dealing with this. Why isn't the enemy attacking me more with this? He already knows you're distracted with that.

SPEAKER_04 40:08

That's right.

SPEAKER_06 40:08

Now I'm gonna try to kill you with this. And I'm gonna mess with your health. I'm gonna, you know, bring up an old Facebook DM message or some friend that wants to say, hey, let's go out to the club. If you ain't been doing that, you know, so the enemy will keep you distracted, but he'll make it seem like it's love. Like, oh, they love you. They just want to hang out with you. Now you're drinking. Now you're, you know, out there fornicating. Now you're you're into a whole new lifestyle that you weren't even under that. You know what I'm saying? So that's that, those attacks, those internal things that happen that come against us.

SPEAKER_01 40:47

It can be as simple as coming home from work one day. You got a little attitude, your spouse cooked you a meal, and they're like, how'd you enjoy the meal? And you're like, oh, it's okay, you know, it's cool, you know, and then they get offended because you didn't appreciate what I did for you. You know, and that sparks a whole thing. Oh, gosh. You know what I mean? That happens to us all the time.

SPEAKER_06 41:10

We've experienced that before, yeah, right?

SPEAKER_01 41:12

It's real.

SPEAKER_06 41:13

Yeah, you know, and that's where talking comes in, right? It's important to talk to your spouse, it's important to engage with them, you know. That's one thing, you know, Eric and I do, and because we both work full time, and it's one of those things of like sometimes I know if I've had a long day, I won't call to say, I'll say, hey, I'm on my way, but I'll see you in a couple minutes because I need to kind of debrief my day just for me. And sometimes that's just putting on some gospel music, having some praise and worship, yep, so I can get right. So when I get to my family, I'm good. Yes. I'm not sitting there stressing and oh my gosh, you know what happened at work today. This was crazy. You know what I'm saying? We all have been there, or you want to call your girlfriend on the phone, be like, oh my God, or your sister, or whoever it is, right? Or your brother, or vice versa. It's it's one of those things you just want to download sometimes, right? But sometimes the download is not even necessary, right? Because now you're bringing that, and that's something we have had to learn. You know, it's like you have to download and not download because you could be not bringing peace to that other person.

SPEAKER_01 42:25

That's right, right? That's right, that's right. That's very real. You know, in 2 Corinthians 10, 4 through 5, you know, Paul is talking about mighty weapons that we can use to destroy strongholds and capture rebellious thoughts, teaching and teaching them to obey Christ. Right. You know, um, and I love this scripture for that, you know, because all thoughts are not our thoughts. And they're the devil uses rebellious thoughts, you know. Not every thought deserves agreement, you know, not every thought deserves expression.

SPEAKER_04 42:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:59

Not every thought deserves authority over your marriage. We must examine our thoughts before we allow them to become words. Right. So that's even in your mind, you know, before you even form words to them, you get these crazy thoughts. You rebuke them in the name of Jesus and send them back to the pits of hell where they came from. Same thing with attitudes, accusations, or decisions. You know, think through things before you put it out there, right?

SPEAKER_06 43:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:25

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_06 43:28

Okay. So um when old things resurface.

SPEAKER_04 43:33

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_06 43:34

So when old old feelings resurface, it does not always mean that you have completely failed to heal. Sometimes God allows something to surface because he wants to heal it at a deeper level.

SPEAKER_04 43:48

That's right.

SPEAKER_06 43:50

You cannot surrender what you what you refuse to acknowledge. Excuse me. You cannot heal what you continue continually have. Hide.

SPEAKER_04 44:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 44:00

You cannot confront what you are unwilling to name. True that. The moment something services, ask God, what are you showing me? What did that affect me so deeply? Or why did that affect me so deeply? Is this reaction connected to my present situation or my past pain? What belief am I carrying that does not agree with your word?

SPEAKER_01 44:26

Amen. You know, I like that. I like that a lot. And, you know, do not become ashamed because something resurfaced. Bring it to God. The enemy wants you to feel condemned. God wants you to become healed. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 44:41

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

Don't hide it.

SPEAKER_06 44:44

So in Romans 8 and 1, it says, there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And conviction says, Bring this to God so He can heal you. Condemnation says, hide this because you will never change. God does not expose our wounds to embarrass us, He reveals them so He can heal us.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

Amen. Amen. So our next talking point, um, the beach ball and the pressure beneath the surface. Um, I want you to imagine a beach ball and pushing it beneath the water. When you first look at the ball, you may think it contains only air, but what is happening to that ball beneath the surface? It is experiencing pressure, right? Um, the deeper you push the ball, the greater the pressure becomes. The ball may appear controlled while someone is holding it underwater, but the moment control is released, the ball shoots right out the water, out the surface, boom, right? Um this is what can happen to us emotionally. We suppress grief, we suppress frustration, we suppress fear, um, we suppress disappointment, we suppress the need to have honest conversation. Yeah, we tell ourselves we are fine because we've become skilled at holding something beneath the surface.

SPEAKER_04 46:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

But suppressed emotions do not disappear simply because they are hidden.

SPEAKER_06 46:19

That's right. And I remember, you know, when you were having your um vision of the submarine, this was my vision, you know, of the beach ball because it was just so like it's pressure, you know. It's it's it's just wild to me, you know, how God just dealt with us with both things that had to do with the water. Right?

SPEAKER_04 46:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 46:44

Yep. And so it's just funny how I'm just I was just thinking about that and how it all kind of came full circle now, thinking about it, and how God wants us to fully submerge us into his love, into his peace, into his joy and kindness, all the fruits in the spirit that we learnt about patience, self-control, kindness, gentleness, love, right? And so that's just so important. So just really think about that and really take these things into heart that we are putting down because it is all godlit, I tell you that.

SPEAKER_04 47:19

Amen.

SPEAKER_06 47:20

So um, so sometimes, you know, we feel empty inside while also being filled with pressure. We are carrying pressure from work, pressure from parenting, pressure from marriage, pressure from finances, pressure from family expectations, pressure from ministry, pressure from trying to appear strong, pressure from pretending that nothing is wrong. Eventually, something happens and everything rises at once. You may explode over something small, but the small situation was not the source of the pressure. It was simply the moment you could no longer hold the ball underwater.

SPEAKER_01 48:02

That's really good. Right.

SPEAKER_06 48:04

We've all been there, you guys. Like just, you know, being under pressure. It's so small, or it's a big situation, but that one thing is gonna blow that that ball out of the top of the water, right? That's right. That's right. Because God wants to expose it.

SPEAKER_01 48:20

Amen.

SPEAKER_06 48:21

Right? And heal it.

SPEAKER_01 48:22

And heal it. Amen. And remember a lot of Matthews 11 and 28. Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry burdens, and I will give you rest. That's careful. We'll give you rest. That's right. You know, the pressure was never for you to carry alone. Jesus died so that we could surrender our sins, shame, anxiety, fear, and emotional weight to him. We must stop trying to carry what Christ has already invited us to release. That's right. You know, in 1 Peter 5 and 7, give me all your worries and cares to God. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. Give it to him.

SPEAKER_06 49:07

That's right. Okay. Awesome. So we're gonna talk about protection is not suppression. Okay. So being under the shadow of the Almighty does not mean pretending you are not hurting. Faith is not emotional denial. Protection is not suppression. Spiritual maturity is not saying, I'm blessed, while refusing to acknowledge that you are overwhelmed. God already knows what this is inside of you. You do not protect your faith by hiding your feelings from God.

SPEAKER_01 49:40

That's so true.

SPEAKER_06 49:41

David worshipped God and still told God when he was afraid, angry, confused, lonely, and exhausted. Healthy faith says, God, this is what I am feeling. But I am giving you, I'm giving you authority over how I respond, right?

SPEAKER_01 50:03

Amen. Amen. I like that. God, I'm giving you authority over how I respond, my reactions. God, help me to be better with how I deal with things, you know?

SPEAKER_04 50:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:15

There, there is a difference between having an emotion and allowing an emotion to control your decisions. You may feel angry, but you do not have to become destructive, right?

SPEAKER_04 50:26

Right.

SPEAKER_01 50:26

You may feel afraid, but you do not have to abandon what God told you, right? And that's something we have to recently deal with, right? You may feel rejected, but you do not have to reject your spouse first. You know, just because they do something to you don't mean you got to do the same.

SPEAKER_02 50:42

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 50:43

Um, you may feel insecure, but you do not have to accuse your partner of something they have not done. God gives us the freedom to feel without allowing our emotions to become our master. Don't let them control you. You know? Amen. So, marriage application for this situation: your spouse is not the enemy, right?

SPEAKER_04 51:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:10

Paul reminds us that we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against spiritual forces of evil. In marriage. Oh, I'm sorry, that's Ephesians 6 and 12. My apologies. In marriage, we must remember that our spouse is not our enemy. Um, the disagreement is not always a real battle. The enemy's goal maybe may be to use the disagreement to produce the division, to mistrust, um, disrespect, silence, or emotional distance. That's what the enemy wants us to do anyway. He wants to separate us so we don't speak.

SPEAKER_02 51:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:50

You know, he wants to get us isolated so that he can tear you up alone. You're stronger together. I love the scripture that talks about three strands of marriage: husband, wife, and Christ braided into three strands. It's it can't be broken. It's stronger, you know. Um, you and you and your spouse may be fighting each other over uh fighting each other while the true enemy is attacking the unity of your marriage. So, you know, just remember that. Remember what the devil's always trying to do. Oh, yeah. Separate you. That's right.

SPEAKER_06 52:32

So when also when an old woman surfaces, your spouse may become the target of pain they did not even cause. A husband may withdraw because he learned early in life that emotions were unsafe. A wife may become anxious because she has experienced abandonment. A husband may be defensive because correction reminds him of rejection. A wife may struggle to trust because someone previously betrayed her. These experiences may explain a reaction, but they do not excuse hurting one another. So healing requires both comparison, both compassion and accountability.

SPEAKER_01 53:17

Amen to that, sister. Amen. A healthy marriage conversation, when something surfaces, try saying, I recognize that my reaction is bigger than this current situation. This conversation touched an old wound in me, right? I need a moment to pray and understand what I'm feeling. I do not want to attack you. I want to explain what is happening inside me. These are things you can say to one another.

SPEAKER_04 53:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:45

What you said reminded me of a painful experience, although I understand that you may not have been, it may it may not have been your intention.

SPEAKER_04 53:55

Right.

SPEAKER_01 53:56

Can you slow down and work? Can we slow down and work through this together? You know, simple requests. It's slowing down and saying, Lord, be with us through this situation. Um, those statements build connection instead of creating accusation. Yeah. Compare that, I'm sorry, compare that with the state with statements such as, you always do this, you are just like everybody else. You, you, you never cared about me. I knew I could not trust you. You are the reason I feel this way. Absolute statements often turn a vulnerable conversation into a defensive battle. You know, use your words, speak from the heart, you know. But think about what you're saying. A gentle answer in Proverbs 15 and 1 says it that it deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

SPEAKER_02 54:55

Yep, that's really good.

SPEAKER_06 54:59

So we're gonna talk about do not punish your spouse for someone else's mistakes. Uh, so your spouse should not have to spend your entire marriage paying a debt created by someone from your past. Your spouse may need to demonstrate consistency, compassion, and patience, but you must also take it, take responsibility for your healing.

SPEAKER_01 55:26

Really important.

SPEAKER_06 55:27

It is unfair to demand that another person prove their love every day because someone else failed to love you properly. That's right. Your spouse can support your healing, but they cannot become your savior. Amen to that. Only Jesus can fill the place in your heart that belongs to God.

SPEAKER_01 55:47

Really hear those. Hear those. You know, because sometimes we expect our spouse to carry emotional weight that only Christ can carry. Let him let Jesus carry. He's built to carry it. Your spouse is not. We expect them to eliminate every insecurity. That is not my baby's job to eliminate my insecurities. We expect them to heal every wound. She can't do it. We expect them to anticipate every trigger. She can't do it. We expect them to make us feel whole. She can't make me feel whole. Only Jesus can. Marriage can provide support, companionship, and safety, but wholeness must come through your relationship with your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Two people who are healing, who can two people who are healing can build a healthy marriage when both are committed to Christ. Honesty, accountability, and growth. It takes those things.

SPEAKER_06 56:52

All right. So for our engaged couples and people preparing for marriage and a lot of people getting married here pretty soon. So for those who are engaged or praying to be married, do not ignore what is beneath the surface. Marriage does not automatically heal unresolved pain. In many cases, marriage reveals it. Marriage brings two histories, two families, two communication styles, two sets of expectations, and two emotional patterns in one covenant. And sometimes two religions, right? So before getting married, discuss the following. How did your family handle conflict? So please write these down. Um, these are super important and good talking points. How did your family handle conflict? Where emotion were emotions discussed or avoided? What causes you to feel rejected? What causes you to shut down? How do you respond when you feel disrespected? What does faithfulness mean to you?

SPEAKER_02 58:03

How do you manage money? How do you process anger?

SPEAKER_06 58:10

What are your expectations concerning affection and intimacy? Have you fully healed from previous relationships? Are you willing to receive counseling? What unhealthy patterns are you still carrying? And we'll make sure we put this in our chat so you can actually see those and be able to copy and paste those and take good notes.

SPEAKER_01 58:35

Yes. Do not marry someone simply because you have chemistry. Chemistry can create attraction, but character sustains covenant, right? Covenant is something that lasts forever. Pay attention to how a person handles pressure.

SPEAKER_04 58:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:52

Um, do they do they become cruel? Do they become controlling? Do they disappear emotionally? Do they blame everyone else? Are they teachable? Can they apologize? Can they accept responsibility? Are they submitted to God when no one else is watching? Marriage does not remove a person's character. Marriage gives a front row seat to it.

SPEAKER_06 59:19

That's really good.

SPEAKER_01 59:20

And Proverbs 4 and 23 says, guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

SPEAKER_06 59:29

I love that. Now for the single people out here, so who desires marriage, right? Your waiting season is not wasted time. Use this season to heal. Use this season to learn how to communicate. Use this season to build your relationship with God. Use this season to establish healthy boundaries. Use this season to identify your triggers. Use this season to become honest about what is beneath the surface. Do not spend your entire waiting season searching for the right person while refusing to become emotionally and spiritually prepared for a healthy relationship.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:13

That's really good. You know, ask God to make you ready for the kind of marriage you are praying to receive. You know what you want in your heart. Do not rush into a relationship because you feel lonely. So many people do that. I just want to be with somebody, right? Loneliness can cause us to overlook warning signs. Take your time. Look at everything. Don't let loneliness judge your how do I want to say that? Don't allow loneliness to blur what God is trying to get you to see clearly. It's important. Um desperation can cause us to call attention to love, right? Attraction can cause us to ignore character. Um, potential can cause us to ignore patterns, right? Oh, that person has potential. But do they have Jesus Christ? Do they have everything that you're truly looking for?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:15

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:15

Allow God to heal you so that you can, so that you are choosing from wholeness rather than choosing from fear, pressure, and emptiness. If you've had empty relationships most of your life, bad situations, and you see someone a little bit better, you'll be willing to choose something slightly better because it's better than what I had in the past.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:39

That's not maybe what God has for you. God has something whole for you. That's right. If you're willing to open your eyes and your heart to Him.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:47

That's right. All right. So we're going to talk about practical steps when something resurfaces. So number one, pause. Do not respond immediately when you know you are emotionally overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:04

Pray. Ask the Holy Spirit to govern your thoughts, words, tone, and reactions.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:10

Three, identify the trigger. Ask yourself, what happened and why did it affect me so strongly?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:19

Four, separate the past from the present. Determine whether you are responsible or responding to the current person or the past experience.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:30

Number five, communicate honestly. Explain your feelings without attacking, blaming, or accusing.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:38

Number six, replace the lie with scripture. Identify what the enemy is saying and compare it with what God says.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:46

Amen. That's good. Number seven, seek support. Pastoral guidance, individual counseling, marriage counseling, premarital counseling can help uncover patterns that are difficult to address alone.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:01

Amen. And number eight, repair. Apologize when necessary, forgive, clarify, reconnect, pray together. Nice.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:11

So forgiveness does not require anyone to remain in an unsafe or abusive situation. If you are experiencing threats, violence, coercion, or abuse, seek professional and trusted support immediately. It's very important.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:27

Very important.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:28

And grace does not mean ignoring danger and forgiveness does not, and forgiveness does not eliminate the need for wisdom, safety, boundaries, and accountability.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:40

I love that you said that that was really good because there are people going through things that are horrible out there. Yeah. And, you know, they hear people talking about forgiveness, but there are certain things you can forgive them, but that doesn't mean you need to be with that person. That's right. That's good. I'm glad you said that. So it is truly important. You know, you want to heal from everything.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:02

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:03

So we're going to review what we've discussed today. We went over a lot. We've been a little long-winded, but you know what? This is good building blocks for your relationship. It really is. You know, everyone has a rhythm. There will be moments when we are spiritually, emotionally, or relation relationally off balance. You know. Second, surface level reactions often reveal something deeper beneath the surface. Third, uh, partial healing is not full healing. A wound that is not fully treated can become reinfected. God does not only want to remove our pain, he wants to replace it with his love, grace, peace, joy, and the fruit of his Holy Spirit. Fifth, pressure will eventually reveal what we have been suppressing. Number six, our spouse is not our enemy. We must learn to fight for our marriage instead of fighting against one another. And number seven, marriage does not automatically heal wounds. It often exposes to wounds that still need attention. And finally, we never, we were never designed to carry every burden alone. Jesus invites us to give our weight, worries, fears, and cares to him.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:26

Amen. That's so good. All right, so we have some reflection questions. Lots of questions today, guys. So ask yourself, what has been resurfacing in my life recently? In my response, in my response connected to my current situation or an old wound. What have I discussed with God but not completely surrendered to Him? What pain have I suppressed instead of processing? Have I been punishing my spouse or partner for something? Someone else did. What lie does the enemy repeatedly use against me? What truth from God's word can replace that lie? Amen. And what fruit of the spirit do I need God to develop in me during this season?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:19

Amen. I love it. I love it. I love it. So we have homework here. This is seven days of homework. We call it the seven days surface to surrender challenge, you know. And uh we'll post this. And we'll post this, you know. We'll post all the homework. Day one, ask God to search you. You know, day two identifies your triggers. Um day three, identify the lie. Um, day four, replaces the lie with truth. And day five, have an honest conversation. Day six, release the pressure. And day seven, practice replacement. You know, and um we'll have all this for you guys to do for your homework in um the body of the um of the um review.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:14

Yeah. So before we end, you know, it's always important to us to offer Jesus Christ to those out there that may not have a relationship with Jesus Christ. So if you don't know Jesus, please pray this prayer with us, you know, because you know it's important to us. Um, you may have spent years carrying pressure, pain, guilt, shame, rejection, disappointment by yourself. Jesus is inviting you to release what you were never created to carry alone. Romans 3 and 23 teaches that everyone has sinned and falling short of God's standard. That's Romans 6 and 28. Teaches that sin leads to death, but God gives us eternal life through Jesus Christ. Jesus died on the cross for your sins and was buried and rose again.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:11

Yes, God.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:12

Through him, you can receive forgiveness, salvation, healing, and a new life. You do not have to clean, uh, you do not have to clean yourself up before coming to Jesus. You come to him and he begins to work transforming you. If you are ready to surrender your life to Jesus, pray this prayer with us right now. Lord Jesus, I recognize that I need you. I believe that you are the Son of God, and I believe you died for my sins and rose again. Please forgive me for my sins, cleanse my heart and make me new. I surrender my life to you, my pain, my past, my pressure, my future to you. Teach me how to follow you. Fill me with the Holy Spirit and help me live according to your word. Today I receive you as my Lord and my Savior. Thank you, Jesus. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:15

Amen. And welcome to the family.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:18

That's right. Welcome to the family.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:25

Okay, so we'll just close out in prayer, and we just appreciate all you guys being here on this podcast today with us, but let's just pray. Heavenly Father, thank you for meeting us in this conversation today. Thank you for being willing to go beneath the surface and heal the hidden places in our hearts. We surrender every old wound, painful memory, offense, insecurity, fear, disappointment, and burden to you, God. Father, we acknowledge that you cannot carry, that we cannot carry this pressure alone. We give you every worry because your word says that you care for us. For every married couple listening, strengthen this our covenants. Help us recognize that we are on the same team. Teach us, God, them, teach them to communicate with gentleness, listen with compassion, forgive with sincerity, and repair what has been damaged. For every engaged couple, reveal anything that needs to be addressed before marriage. Give them courage to seek wise counsel and to build their relationships on the foundation of Christ. For every single person waiting for marriage, heal their hearts and prepare them for the healthy love that they've been waiting for, God. Protect them from choosing relationships out of loneliness, fear, pressure, or desperation. Holy Spirit, replace everything. Replace everything that you and you remove it, God. Replace pain with healing, replace fear with faith, replace and anxiety with peace, and replace bitterness with forgiveness. Replace confusion with wisdom. Replace anger with self-control, and replace emptiness with your presence, oh God. So when old things attempt to resurface, remind us that we are not who we used to be. We belong to Christ and through him we are being made new. That's right. Help us remain under the shadow of the Almighty, fully surrendered to you and your care. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:38

And we and we just really thank you. And if you prayed that prayer of salvation above, just know that Sharius and I are here for you. That's right. If you are seeking support or want to find out more about what it means to be saved, you know. So please reach out to us if you if you just want to learn more. You know, we're here to support marriages, we're here to support individuals that want to be saved and singles that want to be married. You know, we're here for you. That's right. This is our ministry, this is our purpose, and we love the support because we're we believe that it is our mission to take back marriage for Jesus Christ. That's right. So remember, when something services, do not immediately become ashamed or afraid. Ask God what He is revealing and allow Him to continue the healing process.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:36

And you don't have to carry the pressure alone. Surrender to Jesus, communicate with honesty and allow the Holy Spirit to fill every place that pain once occupied. Amen. So we just want to say thank you so much for listening to the Anchored in Grace podcast. Make sure you like, share, and subscribe. Uh, if you know somebody who is listening or who should be listening, share this with them today. That's right. And so we'll close out. And the one who anchors you in grace is holding you in his love and his peace. Love you guys and have a blessed, blessed week. Thank you so much.