Triggers

In this episode I talk about emotional triggers we all face and finding the underlying cause of the triggers. This typically stem from wounds of our childhood.

Transcript

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Welcome to Untold Silence, a space where we give a voice to things we keep buried. I'm Chelsea, I'm your host today. And I um today's topic is about triggers. I feel that it's fitting that I'm doing it well. I'm sick right now because this is a time where I and everybody else is usually easily reactive to certain things. But I have my water here, and hopefully I can muster through this. So bear with me here, okay? Love you guys. We all have emotional triggers, sometimes they show up differently. Um, we're gonna talk today. Talk about today is what happens in our bodies and the deeper, often hidden issues underneath through the lens of the Bible. Before we break anything down, I want to begin a with a real moment with you and share a personal story of a time where I reacted and a trigger that I felt and how I responded to it. There are several, I mean, there were several times where I could have responded better to certain triggers. It wasn't until that I dug the deep to realize what the root cause roots were to why I was being triggered so badly. But here is a story that I'm just gonna give it as an example for my personal life. It's not meant to put anybody down, it's not meant to condemn anybody, it's just meant to shed a light on what we all go through. So following the birth of my our daughter, um, my in-laws had a good friend of theirs make a blanket for us. For her. The gesture was sweet, the gesture was great. However, when I opened the package of that blanket, I let out a wailing cry. And it wasn't a cry of joy, it was a cry of grief, a cry of betrayal. I felt the stab in my chest when I opened the blanket and seen what the blanket was. Now my husband, now ex-husband, went into the room because he heard my cry. And when he saw the blanket, he knew. He knew what the blanket represented and what why it triggered me. Because he's one of the few people that knows that whatever happened. That knows what happened many years ago. One side of the blanket was a reminder of a deep-sided seated betrayal that happened. And the other side of the blanket, ironically, was a fear of an object. I'm not gonna lay out my fears, but it's like, you know, when people are afraid of snakes, afraid of water, afraid of anybody can be afraid of anything. But on the other side was a fear of mine. And I'm thinking in my head, how can I give this blanket to my daughter? When it has such a strong hold on me. And yes, it's only just a blanket, it's only it's a gift, I should cherish it, and you would be right. But I don't think we take into account how even such an account of that small little object, how big of an impact this could have on somebody. Emotional triggers are those moments when something small on the outside sets off something huge on the inside. Now, the Bible doesn't use the word trigger per se, but it speaks to the heart behind him. Psalm 34, verse 18 says, The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Those triggered places in us, and I mean us, including me, often live right in that brokenhearted space. And first Peter chapter 5, verse 7 invites us to respond in a new way. Cast out all of your anxiety onto him because he cares for you. Today we're gonna look at how triggers come, how our body reacts, and what might really be going on underneath. Emotional triggers don't usually start in the moment we notice them. They start in our stories, what we hide underneath. Something happens, someone interrupts you, someone ignores your message, someone raises their voice, someone criticizes you. The event passes through a filter inside you, your memories, your beliefs about yourself, your fears, your past hurts. Then out of the filter comes meaning. I'm not respected, I'm not loved, I don't matter. I'm about to be abandoned again. The event, the feeling, it's real. And it's real for all of us. But the emotional explosion is tied to the meaning your heart gives it. Now, I told you about that blanket story, and to those listening or watching this podcast, yeah, it is bigger. That reaction was bigger than it needed to be. It was just a blanket. I would have to agree with that. Within that time frame, though, I also noticed a pattern within myself. A pattern where I would not say anything out of her because of fear they would use it against me as a form of something that I should just get over. Something that I should just let go. So within this, Epiphany happened. My emotions, my triggers are real, just like any other person in this world. Whoever fears, betrayals, whatever we have. We should show empathy to those who are even triggered by the most minute things. We don't have to understand it. That's fine. But realizing that we have our own triggers, our own emotional upsets should enable us to be able to carry those burdens for other people. And to not minimize or shrink their experiences. Our triggers often follow old patterns of this world: patterns of shame, rejection, comparison, and fear. God invites us to let him renew our minds so that our triggers become teachers instead of just landmines. Now let's talk about what happens to your body when we're emotionally triggered. It might start with something tiny, a comment, a look, a text with a period instead of an emoji. I prefer emoji text because there's no emotions with texting, and it's very easily misinterpreted on intentions. Um I'm not gonna condemn anybody, but a lot of times, and it's human humanity in itself, because we live in a broken world. We look at the intentions of other people through the lens in which we see ourselves. And includes me. We look at the intentions of other people, good, bad, negative, which whatever it is, through the lens in which we see ourselves. Think about that for a minute. Alright. On the outside, it looks small. On the inside, your body sounds an alarm, your heart speeds up, your breathing gets shallow, your chest feels tight, and I don't know about you, but sometimes I get this like increasingly warm feeling inside of me whenever I feel like that. Your stomach is in knots, your muscles are tense, your jaw clenches, your thoughts start racing. Questioning every motive, every intent. How dare how dare they trigger me? When in fact, they probably don't even know it is even triggering, unless you say something about it. I can't read people's minds. I can't. I don't know what people's triggers are to respect them unless they are voiced. But I get it. You have to trust that person first before you can voice your triggers, and you gotta set it, and you got to test the waters. And as I've seen in my life, some people are trustworthy with your mess, and some people aren't, and it's hard to discern that, it's hard to know. But your body's not being dramatic. It's trying to protect you from the pain that it remembers. The Bible even connects our inner world to our physical experience. Proverbs 17, verse 22 says, A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. A crushed spirit is not just poetic language. You feel it in your body, you feel it in your energy, you feel it in your sleep. God sees that crushed spirit, that crushed place. He does not mock it, he doesn't roll his eyes at your reaction. He just draws near to it. Sometimes the root is to that trigger a moment of rejection, a betrayal, a deep embarrassment, words spoken over you, in absence of love you desperately needed. On the surface, we may feel anger, defensiveness, withdrawal, or over-explaining. I definitely done the over-explaining part, and I'm realizing that that is part of my healing journey. So I've intentionally backed off and realized that I don't need to explain, especially to people who want to misunderstand because they see me through the lens of which they see themselves, and I see that. Underneath a feeling, we might find I'm afraid I'm unworthy. I'm afraid you'll leave just like they did. I'm afraid if you really see me, you won't love me. I'm afraid I'm not enough. Now, we all know that recently I've gone through a divorce. And a lot of people say that I went into silence and withdrawal because I was playing the victim card. Well, I guess now we all know the truth. This is what I did. I was preparing for the moment God entrusted to me for my calling. I didn't go to hiding like people think I did. I went in with prayer, crying, arguing with God, not wanting to fulfill my calling that he entrusted to me, out of fear of rejection, out of fear of what people would think, and even retaliation. And he in that moment of prayer and deep-seated realizing what my heart was telling me that I should do, I started to realize that God's end is what matters. And the obedience that I need to do for his kingdom is all that matters, no matter what comes my way. Some of us in this life aren't meant to have it easy. I know I haven't. Psalm 139, verse 23 and 24, gives us a brave prayer to pray. And it says, Search me, God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there's any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of everlasting. Now let's look at this together. Let me lead you toward the healing in which I've already started on the journey myself. And we can do this together. When you're triggered, your first instinct is often a reaction. But hearing begins with reflection. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself in the moment or after the moment. What just happened on the outside? What story did I tell myself about what that means? Where have I felt this feeling before? What might this be touching from my past? What do I really need in this moment? And that space of reflection is where we invite God in. Casting your anxiety doesn't mean pretending you're okay. It means honestly saying, God, I feel rejected. I feel small, I feel scared, I feel angry, and I don't fully know why. And many we like to say this to the other person. It's best to say it to God because this person may not understand what you're actually going through. And you can't, you can't beat them to get them to understand. You can't overexplain, you can't do any of that. Few people can, but that is very rare. And when you're embarrassed, God cares for you. Now once you've figured it out. Emotional triggers can make us feel broken too much or out of control. But triggers can also become invitations. Invitations to healing, to self-understanding, to deeper connection with God and others. Sometimes that healing happens through a prayer in scripture, wise therapy or counseling, trusted community, honest conversations where you let someone see the real story. John 8, verse 32 says, Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. That truth might be. As we close today, I want you to hear this. I love you. Having emotional triggers does not mean you're weak. It means you are human. It means you have lived. It means you have loved. And you have been hurt. And you still care. The next time you feel the surge in your body, the lump in your throat, the urge to run or to rage, try this. Pause. Breathe. Notice what's happening in your body. Name that feeling to yourself. You don't have to say it out loud. Or write it down. Ask what story am I telling myself? And then pray, even if it's messy. God, here is my trigger. Here is my heart. Show me the truth. Sit with me in the silence. This has been Untold Silence today. And I'm Chelsea, and thank you for giving your heart a voice today. My recommendation: don't just sit and move on. Take one trigger from your week and sit with it, with God. And gently ask him what is really underneath this. I'll be back with another episode soon. Until then, be kind to your story. It's okay to love yourself. And let God meet you in the quiet. This is untold silence. Let me pray with you. Lord, we all have our triggers, we all have our hurts, betrayals, and stuff from the past. Let us sit with those, not as how we should correct them, but sit with them to guide us in how we should navigate and how we should heal ourselves from the inside out. Help us to see it as information of self-reflection and information of when we need to set those boundaries. And Lord, I pray that if we need to have honest conversations, it's okay to be vulnerable. And help us with the wisdom to know when to say something, when to speak, and when to be silent. In your name I pray. Amen. Well, you guys have a blessed day. I'm gonna chillax and drink more water and just take it easy today. But I uh look forward to seeing you guys soon.