What Is Unconditional Love? Why Is It So Hard? Dr. Victor Acquista

What does love really mean? Are we truly practicing unconditional love, or just striving toward an ideal we don’t fully understand? In this powerful episode of Conversations That Make a Difference, Teresa Velardi sits down with Dr. Victor Acquista, award-winning author, former Chief Medical Officer, and spiritual teacher, to explore the deeper truth behind love, connection, and the barriers that keep us from living with an open heart.

Drawing from his book Feed Your Hungry Soul: Awaken Your Loving Heart, Dr. Acquista shares a profound perspective that bridges science, spirituality, and lived experience. Together, they unpack what unconditional love truly is, why it can feel so difficult to embody, and how we can begin to shift from intellectual understanding to heartfelt practice.

This conversation invites you to reflect, soften, and reconnect with yourself and others.
In this episode, you’ll discover:

• What unconditional love actually means (beyond the cliché)
• The hidden barriers that block love in everyday life
• How fear, conditioning, and past experiences shape how we love
• Practical ways to cultivate a more open and loving heart
• Why love is not just a feeling—but a conscious practice
  
  

If this conversation spoke to you, share your thoughts in the comments, as we’d love to hear your perspective on love.

Learn more about Dr. Victor Acquista:
website:  https://victoracquista.com/
email: victoracquista@victoracquista.com
LinkedIn:    / victor-acquista-md-bb540917 
Get the book: Feed Your Hungry Soul: Awaken Your Loving Heart on Amazon

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Transcript

Conversations That Make A Difference with Teresa Velardi

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome to Half Australian Make a Difference. So we still need to make it meaningful and first Hannover Station. You're the host of our show, Teresa Larry.

SPEAKER_04 0:56

Hey everyone, and welcome to another edition of Conversations That Make a Difference. I am excited to have Dr. Vic Victor Aquista with me today. But as you know, before we get started, we usually start this conversation with a prayer. So we say the serenity prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And I also want to say that it is by God's grace that we are fabulous, blessed, highly favored, living in our greatness with passion and purpose, using our gifts and talents, making a difference to the lives of others. And God's great universe, all of God's great universe is conspiring in our favor. And together we gratefully say, Amen.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

Amen.

SPEAKER_04 1:50

Amen. So,

Dr. Victor Acquista - author, former Chief Medical Officer, and spiritual teacher

SPEAKER_04 1:53

Dr. Victor Aquista, let me just tell everybody a little bit about you. We have a bio here. Dr. Aquista bridges medicine and mysticism as an award-winning author, international speaker, and former chief medical officer. After decades in healthcare leadership, he now dedicates himself to raising consciousness through his writing and speaking. It is on this staff of the contemplative network that he serves as an advisory board in planetary citizens and is a founding member of the octopus movement. Let's see, what is the octopus movement? We'll figure that out in a few minutes. This is his seventh book, and the name of his book is Feed Your Hungry Soul. So welcome, Dr. Victor. How are you? Good to see you again.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Well, well, thank you uh so much, Teresa, for the lovely introduction, for the invitation to be back with you on your show. And um, if I could just say how important it is for me to share this time with you in presence, with you and your listening audience and viewership, and just as a way of setting an intention, I just um would like our conversation to help open people's hearts to more love. Um and I'm so much looking forward to speaking with you about whatever we speak about.

SPEAKER_04 3:33

We are going to talk about love. We are gonna talk about love. This is um this is something that I think the world needs so much more of today. You know, there's so many crazy things happening in the world and in people's individual lives on whatever level everybody's affected by what goes on around them, what's happening within them, and what's happening to the people who are part of their day-to-day life. And I think that um you bring um this topic to the table today at the perfect, perfect time. So thank you so much. So the the title for this show, we said, was what is love and how to practice unconditional love? So um we're gonna ask a question, a couple of questions about what love means to you. Do you practice unconditional love? What are the barriers to practicing unconditional love? These are things to think about. And Dr. Akista Akista is gonna uh join us to in this conversation to discuss this topic. And of course, the recent book, um, feeding Feed Your Hungry Soul, Awakening Your Loving

The Meaning of Love Beyond Words

SPEAKER_04 4:45

Heart. I love this cover, by the way. I love this cover. This little this little heart is actually a dandelion and it's spreading love all around. How cool is that?

SPEAKER_03 4:57

That's the idea.

SPEAKER_04 4:59

Yeah, exactly. So let's talk about um to start with, because people people say, well, love is love, or you know, love is not the same for everybody. Let's talk about some of the different kinds of loves or the definitions of various kinds of love so that people can get a grasp on the the entire nature of that word.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Yeah, and I think that's a really good place to start. Uh, so thanks for that uh question, Teresa. Um, as you're aware, because you were at a conference that we both attended where I uh spoke, uh, and the title of my talk was uh What is Love and How to Be More Loving? When we talk about love, and I asked the audience, and the definitions that people have are different. Uh, it's a word we use commonly, but we use it in so many different ways. Often we're thinking about it in the context of romantic love. Um, but uh the Greeks had seven or eight different words that they used to describe different types of love. Eros is passionate love. We we think about erotic love in sexual terms, but it's really just uh included romantic love uh as far as the way the Greeks use that word, eros. Philia was the kind of relationship, deep relationship between friends of filial love. Um you know, philucia, that's a word that I I hardly ever hear, um but it means self-love. And self-love, of course, is is so important. And this kind of self-love is not the the sort of narcissistic self-love. This is more uh the deep sort of uh love that you have in recognition of your the the divine nature of yourself, at least that's the way I would use that word. Of course, the my favorite Greek word is agape, which is unconditional love. That's the sort of love that God um has towards us, and I think of that in terms uh of being just that unconditional. It's like the the rain falls on everybody, it doesn't decide it's only going to fall on good people or people who behave a particular way, and the the sun is that way too. I think the rain and the sun uh you know they fall and shine on everyone, saints and sinners, good people, bad people. Um, and that's uh uh just the the word um in verb form is agapyo, which is to love in that unconditional way. Um Platonic love, of course, is non-romantic, and you know, there are there are many other words beyond the Greek words. Um you know, parental love, for instance. That's pretty obvious what what that you know uh entails. Mentor love, often a deep affection develops between a student and a teacher, and and you know, that's a a different type of loving relationship, certainly than romantic love, although sometimes it crosses over into that. Um and then you know, compassionate love is tied into empathy, our ability ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes and and suffer with them. It means compatio is Latin to suffer, so to suffer with someone is a sort of compassionate love. So those are just examples of the of the noun um uses that we have for love, but to me, all the excitement is around love as a verb. You know, how do we put it into practice? And it is something that I am trying to practice uh in a in a mindful and intentional way. Um and I talked about in in that presentation that I did, I talked about nine different ways to practice unconditional love. Yeah, I'd be happy to to detail some of those, but I'll I'll pause just you know to see you know if that's the next logical point of discussion.

SPEAKER_04 9:40

Yeah, I think um what you just what you just talked about, all the different types of love, um, and how uh love gets expressed in so many different ways that it is in fact the universal language because it gets inspired expressed in so many different ways. And yes, the ways to be more loving and to and and and whatnot, I think is is a perfect way to continue the conversation. So let's talk about some of them. I have I was grateful, I was lucky enough to be in the room when you gave this presentation. So I'm following along with you. I have the notes from that day.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

So well, sure. Um,

How to Practice Unconditional Love

SPEAKER_01 10:20

you know, I think that my terminology that I use um is has been helpful for me, and I I share it. It's not necessarily always the same framing for for everyone, but um active acceptance or you know, even what I call radical and active acceptance asks us to love people the way they are, uh, even if they somehow uh you know fall short of the way we we think they should be. Of course, should is a term of judgment and um non-judgmental presence is another way of practicing unconditional love. Uh, I'll probably return to that uh after I go through the rest of the list. Compassion, we talked a little bit about that uh in the noun form, but uh you know, compassion is a way that you open yourself up to another person and connect with them to suffer with is to you know take some of their pain and shoulder it and walk with them. Um selfless action, you know. This is so so many times we think of love in a transactional way. I'll do something for you, I'll love you, but you have to do this to show that you love me. Well, that's that's setting up conditions, yeah, and so it's not unconditional love, but it's very transactional in the sense that you know, tit for tat, you know, you do something for me, I do something for you. And that's not what selfless action means. Selfless action means you're doing it just because it comes from you from a place of love. Um, you don't expect anything in return. You don't necessarily expect a thank you, or a random act of kindness are like that sometimes, or or just you're doing something anonymously. No one has to know. It's just yourself, the loving self that's inside of you expressing itself in some way.

Empathic Understanding & Energetic Management

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Uh, empathic understanding, and you know, empath empathy and and compassion are related, but empathy really just asks us to understand, you know. I I view empathic understanding as a doorway that leads to compassion.

SPEAKER_04 12:55

Um let me ask a question about empathy for a moment here, because I know a lot of people who are um empathic people, and um they describe like uh the ability to feel whatever it is that someone else is feeling to the degree as though some of them anyway, to the degree as though those feelings were originating within themselves. So, how do you explain that type of empathic love or empathic feelings for and with other people?

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Yeah, I think that that is a um a deep, deep connection between people that enables a higher level of uh understanding because in some sense it's a shared experience. Um empathically experiencing what you're experiencing, and in that sense, it it easily crosses right over into compassion, which is to suffer with. But you can, you know, you can um empathically experience great joy through that kind of connection with another person. And I know you know many people who are highly sensitive are empaths, and that can sometimes present uh issues with um allowing stuff in that you you you really aren't able to process, you know, maybe it relates to boundaries and so on and so forth. But empathy, that would be a great, that would be a great topic just to develop a full talk on.

SPEAKER_04 14:36

There you go. I agree. I, you know, because um I have a lot of people in my life who are like that. And um, and sometimes I I feel like I'm an empath as well in in a lot of ways that I can take on the feelings of somebody else that really don't belong to me. And I I need to at times just like, okay, walk away or shut it down or just take um my take myself out of that situation if it gets to be a little too much. Um and I've experienced that I have people in my life who are very close to me that I need to really um be careful with in terms of not to bring their feelings as part of my being, if that if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

It makes a lot of sense to me. And and I know this is we'll we'll return to the to the list of practices, um, but I think that this is worth you know, an important thing to share, at least what my understanding is, and I call it energy stewardship. We uh are energetic beings, everything is energy, and so we have a certain field that interacts with you know the greater field, but certainly with the field of other people, and um often in relationships, and it's not necessarily intentional, um, but the uh interaction between two people, let's just because that's the simplest thing, just to talk about two people exchanging energy. Often um one person is drawing energy off of the other, and as a result, the the it's sort of a give um receive going in one direction, so one person feels depleted and another person feels, oh, I got some energy. And you know, they talk about energy vampires and parasites, but most of the time it's this is not I'm I'm looking to steal your energy, it's just the the nature of um those energetic interactions, and of course, it can it can go the way that both people feel depleted, yeah. We've hard conversations and and interactions like that, but then there's the the other possibility where both people are replenished. I think that the um you know our connection to universal source energy that's that's something that we all have. Um and I think that there are certain uh people like the conversation that we're having right now. I'm not certainly depleted uh boy uh having our conversation. I'm energized by it. And I'm I'd like to think that the energy that I'm sharing and bringing in, you know, has a positive effect on you as well. Yeah, and the listeners too, uh, and the listeners as well, yes, because they are part they are part of this field right now that we have created. So thanks for for uh you know reminding me. But um I think that uh you know this this issue of you, what you shared, is sometimes you have to be on care, you have to be careful. Yes, you have to be careful because energy stewardship is something I think we need to practice better. We need to practice better.

SPEAKER_04 18:15

I think you're absolutely right, especially um uh you've this the game of telephone when we were kids. You know, you say something to somebody and then they take it and they say it to somebody else, and they say it to somebody else. This is kind of like um the stewardship that we're talking about. Like I'm giving you something, just a simple example. I'm giving you something that I feel is important to me. Now you tell somebody else so it can become important to them. And sometimes if you have not stewarded the stewarded the words or the energy the way that it was given to you, it ends up getting muddled and and washed out in the end. Yes?

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Yeah, yeah. Distorted is the word I would use. The the energy um loses some of its coherence and and you know, and it kind of noise infiltrates, if you will. So it's a signal-to-noise ratio. I like to talk in terms of energy, but um would it be worthwhile to to get to the to the last uh

Forgiveness

SPEAKER_01 19:19

things on the list here? Because the next one is actually my my almost favorite, maybe my favorite, and that is forgiveness. Forgiveness is so underappreciated, um, and there's so many health benefits from being practicing forgiveness, but as a way of demonstrating love for another person who has hurt you and that you are forgiving them, um, not because they've asked for you know your forgiveness or an apology was tended, because that's transactional. It's like, no, I forgive them because I I I see their humanity, I see that they're just another human being, you know, trapped in suffering in some way, hurt in some way, hurt people, hurt others. So forgiveness is is important to practice towards other people, but also to open yourself up in a receptive way to um, because we all you know kind of screw up at times. We do stuff that hurts other people, and um, sometimes we have to be willing to accept the love that they want to extend to us um rather than you know kind of keeping a closed heart. Um and then of course, self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness is it just seems to be so much easier to um you know extend the olive wrench to other people and be so hard on ourselves, so self-critical. So forgiveness in in all ways, giving, receiving, and practicing towards yourself, I think is just an important way of um practicing self, um, practicing unconditional love. Um service, you know, when we do things from a service mentality, again, not with the notion of I'm getting, I'm doing this because I want to get something out of it. You know, I I'm um you're doing my community service so I don't have to be in jail. No personal experience there, but but you know, often we, you know, well, I'm going to do this service and kind of get it out of the way because that's how I'm going to show that I'm a good person. That's not the mindset that I'm trying to approach this with. It's just um offering your time. Your listening skills, your good listening ear, because listening is a way to practice love. Your presence and not doing it because you want to get some kind of uh an accolade or uh uh you know some to be noticed, you're doing it just because you feel that's the way you want to be present in love to other people. That relates in in some ways to generosity, you know, generosity is a is another great way of practicing unconditional love. Again, not because we're expecting to get anything out of it, but in in fact, with these, you know, uh service, as I mentioned, and um generosity, often we do experience something. We get, you know, we're expressing our love and we get filled with love because we're not holding it back. We're it's sort of we're we're taking out the the restraints or the governors that that say, oh, I'm gonna hold back my love. No, we're letting it out. And love is is kind of reciprocal. Um, you know, you you get back so much love when you give a lot of love.

SPEAKER_04 23:24

I agree.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

So I've been the you know the the great beneficiary of some extremely generous people in my life, and it's just in in some ways I'm I'm odd at receiving that generosity. Um and that's an that's an area, you know, that I think I could practice better. Not that I'm intentionally trying to withhold my love, but it's just, you know, I have to say, well, what what in this circumstance can I do to demonstrate more love? Oh, okay, I'll I'll step up and and help out, you know, or volunteer my time, or

Deep Listening

SPEAKER_01 24:06

or you know, what what spend some time listening? I return to listening again because I I think the kind of deep listening that um you is is a way of expressing love, it's not on my list, but it probably should be.

SPEAKER_04 24:23

I agree with that. Let's go there for one second, if you wouldn't mind. I agree with that completely because um how many times do you hear someone say part of a conversation? You only hear part of the conversation and you make a judgment based on something that was not actually the conversation because you don't agree with what you thought you heard as a full sentence. And in the meanwhile, you're off in your head. And I've I've had this happen. Um, and I have this happen. Somebody in my life likes to consistently interrupt people when they're talking. So the person who's speaking doesn't get a chance to get the full thought out, or even um, regardless of what they're talking about, in a loving way that everybody can be part of the conversation. They just decide that they want to just like um grab the bull by the horns and run with whatever they thought they heard. And next thing you know, they're they're they're off in on a rampage somewhere because they just didn't listen. So I think that one of the most loving things that we can do with a lot of these things is being a good listener, have your heart open to listenership as well as forgiveness and generosity and all of the other selfless actions that we are talking about in the concept within the concept of love, that we can we can build better relationships by being conscious of the energy that transpires between people when they're having a loving conversation.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

Yeah, and I'm um I'm just gonna build on on what what you just shared. Um you know, I think people are often listening in a way that they're trying to generate a response before they've even heard the whole thing. And that's that's a very superficial depth of listening. Um and the deeper we listen, uh, I think the deeper our connection and shared presence. And I um

Being Present vs Presence

SPEAKER_01 26:35

I distinguish between present and presence. Being present is getting into the now moment, and I'm I'm all for that. But um, you know, we can we can be in the now moment many different ways um somatically with our body. You know, um, you know, you get something in your eye, you stub your toe, you're you're very much in the moment right then.

SPEAKER_04 27:03

Yeah, no two ways about it.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

We we are cognitively uh present in the now moment often when we're focusing on an important task like taking an exam or on a job interview, or I've got to finish this report in the next hour. So we're present, we're fully present, um, tuning out pretty much everything else. We can be present emotionally, as in you know, you you're holding a crying child, or you're holding a newborn child, or or you're sitting with you know your your lap dog or your cat on the couch and just you know feeling the cat purr or you know seeing how that the dog is you know looks really cozy and comfortable, and and you're just you're present, or with another person when when um you know you're comforting them, maybe maybe something occurred in their life, bad or good, that you're sharing with them. That's that's a type of being present. Um, I like to listen to a schoolyard that is in hearing distance, so I love to listen to the the kids in recess just squealing and laughing and everything. I mean, I'm just fully present uh to I don't know exactly what's going on, but it sounds like fun.

SPEAKER_04 28:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

And then spiritually, I think I think we are really present in those moments of awe that there really aren't words for, you know, maybe you step outside and there's a double rainbow, and it's like wow, wow. Um but presence, presence is how we occupy those moments from our divine self. So I could be present with the dog and hold a lot of presence. It's like, wow, look at this, another you know, creature here in my lap, how how divine this is. So I don't want to you know get into it too much, but I think when we listen in a space of shared presence, that is the deepest type of listening, the deepest type of listening, and by extension, a way that we share love.

SPEAKER_04 29:38

Agreed, agreed.

Saying I Love You - Love Languages Explained

SPEAKER_01 29:41

So I'm down to one more on my list. Okay, and that is it's to say I love you. My my three favorite words, I love you. My second three favorite words, I don't know. But but um the saying I love you doesn't have to be by words. Um there's a famous book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. I bet many of your listeners have are familiar with that. And you know, sometimes our you know, actions speak louder than words, so we show our love with little loving actions, for instance, or touch. Yeah, it's a tactile way of expressing love, it's it's often associated with affection, but it's a way that we connect in in a loving exchange, it's a way of saying I love you that's non-verbal, right? Um so you know, the I don't remember the other two. There were there were there's five different love languages, but um saying I love you is very, very um heart-opening in my experience. And I do this silently when I'm in the supermarket. I just looking at other people, just thinking, I love you. Yeah, that's it. Um you know, when I'm driving, this car is passing me, coming from the other direction. I just look over there and at the driver, rarely make eye contact, but uh it's like I love you. And that, you know, if I'm if I'm in a kind of a maybe a funk, maybe I'm upset about something, which isn't very commonly the case, but that just just takes me right out of it. It just is hey, this is what's important. Um and those opportunities are, I mean, they're they're all the time. Um, so I encourage people to adopt that practice, and you know, you don't um no one's passing judgment on you because sometimes we're reluctant to say I love you out loud because people say, Well, that was weird. Um that's not you know, we don't we're in the supermarket, uh buddy. It's like what what's going on there?

SPEAKER_03 32:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

Um it is actually it is actually something I'm I'm working towards being more vocal about saying it. And the the times when I have have been quite interesting.

SPEAKER_04 32:30

Yeah. Uh you know, it's it's interesting. I was thinking about I was thinking about what you were saying um when you said about being in a car and expressing love even silently to somebody else in the in the next vehicle. I love when um you're pulling up to a light and somebody next to you has an old song blasting in the car and they are singing at the top of their lungs and really getting into it. And and you kind of like have to chair in that experience because it's contagious, right? And then but the best part is when they look at you and they finally realize that you're singing along with them with a song, and you give each other the thumbs up, and it's like, have a great day, enjoy whatever's going on before you. And it's it's that's a way of sharing the love as well, like acknowledging somebody else's joy, you know.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

Yes, you're paying attention and seeing what's before you with um an open heart, really, because there's there's a lot of times where it's like, what the hell's going on? I don't want to listen to this person's music. I don't even like that kind of music. Yeah. You know, those are those are that's sort of seeing and hearing what's happening with maybe more of a closed heart.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

Um, but yeah, these are these are the sorts of um small examples, I think, that we should take full advantage of as a way of practicing being more loving. Um I think the rewards are rich.

SPEAKER_04 34:09

I agree with

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

SPEAKER_04 34:10

you completely. Just to circle back to the five love languages for anybody who's thinking, well, what are those? So um Gary Chapman says that the five language, the five types of love languages are physical touch, acts of service, gift giving, quality time, and words of affirmation. Which one do you think you are?

SPEAKER_01 34:31

Um, I'm I'm very much saying I love you to to people. Um, I love to get little gifts for people to um that you know kind of somehow are built upon what I know about them. You know, if they have a particular area that's of interest or a hobby or something to to get something that matches that. Uh I like to get my wife uh gifts that they're they're they're silly little, she likes hand cream. So okay, I'll buy you some hand cream, but you just show up with it, you know, not for a special occasion.

SPEAKER_03 35:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:07

So um, yeah, that's how about you?

SPEAKER_04 35:10

I um I do I think the acts of service, I I get great joy for doing doing things for people, cooking, um, you know, serving a meal, whatever, just you know, if you need something done, um, and I happen to be going that way, and they uh can I can I get it for you or whatever, you know, the case may be acts of service. Um, quality time. I think quality time is really important to me. And I'm a word nerd too, so I have to say words of affirmation as well. So um, yeah, you know, yeah. What I want to ask you in relationship to the words I love you, there's a lot of this the ancient Chinese and not Chinese, ancient um Hawaiian Hoaponapono

Hawaiian Hoʻoponopono Prayer

SPEAKER_04 35:55

prayer. I love you, thank you, I'm sorry, please forgive me. Those are the four phrases that they use in hoaponopono. So the first one being, I love you. And so, and I think that all of the other ones flow from that. And in the process of going from love to forgiveness, there is a healing that takes place. How do you ever use the hoapono prayer um for yourself or encourage other people to use it as a practice to get through something that they might not be able to let go of?

SPEAKER_01 36:32

Um, not specifically. I have heard it. Um and uh every time you know I hear it again, I say, Oh, that's so good. That's just so good. It has so much in it. So maybe I need to um maybe I need to include that in the in the in the book I'm writing now, because that that's that that's where we're going, I I think. Um because that's where I had to end my talk,

The Hidden Barriers That Block the Heart

SPEAKER_01 37:01

is I talked about different types of love and different ways of practicing love, but I never had I didn't have enough time to really talk about well, what are the barriers? Why what's what what sort of prevents us or impedes us or um you know somehow makes it hard. And once we can see what those barriers are, then you know awareness of them, I think, becomes a way to uh get through them or over them or or open them up somehow. So they're not uh quite as much of a barrier, right? And um, you know, for for anyone who's who's interested, I'm writing a series on LinkedIn called um Love Notes, Nine Weeks to Opening Your Heart. And um each week I start with a barrier and then I pair it with a practice. The the nine practices that I just um went over with you, I show how in there are circumstances where one of those practices works very well towards um you know overcoming that barrier. And uh I'm I'm developing a workbook that has I I I hesitate to call them exercises, they're really ways of going deeper through self-reflection and then creating an action plan because one of the things I strongly believe is we're we're all full of love. We have our own inner wisdom to guide us. Uh, I'm not trying to tell someone how to uh open up their heart, I'm giving them information, and then with that information, they can decide how it applies in their lives. Each each week in the workbook, there'll be an action plan based on the barrier and the practice.

SPEAKER_04 39:11

Right.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

So um, you know, without without um you kind of getting too too far into it, I'll I'll just you know um mention, for instance, judgment and criticism. That includes self-judgment and and um you know uh self-criticism and um radical acceptance, and you know, that's a barrier and that's a practice. That's one of the practices that I had named previously. It's like, well, yeah, that makes sense. So when you are, when you just say, well, practice radical acceptance, it says, Well, that sounds good, that that seems like a good idea. Um, but then when you say, look, when you recognize, when you notice that you're being judgmental, that's the time to say, Oh, let me just accept that person. They're different than I am. Okay, not not no no no reason to close my heart as a result. So that's a that's an example. Um, I took I talked a little bit about uh generosity as a practice, um, and I I paired that practice with uh conditional and transactional love. You know, instead of well, I'll do this for you, you do that for me. It's like, no, I'm just I don't that's that's not the currency I deal in. I I don't I don't operate that way, right? Um you know we're we're uh I

How Cultural Conditioning Shape the Way We Love

SPEAKER_01 40:53

wanted to return to non-judgmental presence because I think it's so so powerful. Um when we are unwilling to accept people the way they are, it's often because we have uh cultural condition, which is another one of the barriers. We we are sort of have this like internal rule book about well, these are the acceptable ways of behaving, these are the unacceptable ways, or this is these are the ways I think you should behave based on the way I was brought up, what I learned, um you know, or what my experiences have been, and so on and so forth. And then often someone behaves a certain way. Maybe you catch yourself as, oh, I'm passing judgment on them, and then you have a response. You know, let's say, let's say they did something that hurt you, and you your response then is well, that was really a hurtful thing that they did, and um I'm gonna I'm gonna choose to hold that against them. I don't want to be their friend anymore, or you say, No, um, I'm gonna let that one go. Um, but those are remedial because you've already passed judgment on someone. Non-judgmental presence is that's before you started analyzing, that's before you um sort of concluded that there's something you know about that person that you don't like. It's just basically, no, I'm showing up and I'm showing up receptive to people, no no matter you know, no matter their color, no matter their religion, no matter their uh political ideologies, beliefs, because um that's the way I want to show up. Yeah, I want to show up with non-judgmental presence. And I I talked about presence before. Yeah, that's it's just so powerful because then you know you don't go through all those calculations, you don't you know have a ledger of um you know well I'll I'll I'll behave this way because I you know noticed that this is the way you're supposed to behave when this happened. This there's none of that. It just gets it gets it all off the table. Yeah, I

Pain vs Suffering

SPEAKER_01 43:39

think that uh pain and suffering. There's so much uh pain and suffering, both you know, that people hold individually and collectively, wounds, trauma, generational trauma. Um and I actually distinguish um between pain and

SPEAKER_04 44:00

suffering pain being the painful event or the or the accumulated painful events but suffering is what's attached to that event yeah can uh maybe you can offer something here for people who um you know not not just uh i would say in addition to what's attached to that event um would also be the person holding on to it and not wanting to let go of it for some reason exacerbates the suffering. So is there anything that you can offer to the listeners because in just like in the in in all of the different things in in so many different ways um of what's going on in the world I think there are a lot of people who are literally suffering with things that um they have no control over or they have no they have no way to resolve any of it except to replace the suffering with love. If when if I'm if I'm following I I think I'm following your your your whole thing that you've got going on here enough to be able to say that. So what what is something that you can offer to those people who are listening who are caught up in the suffering of the world and losing themselves to it.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

Well let me let me start with a very simple um example just to show how pain and suffering are attached to one another okay or link. Let's just say I break my leg.

SPEAKER_04 45:38

Okay that hurts that is the pain the suffering is oh my god that's my that's my driving foot not going to be able to drive my car I don't think they'll let me work from home as this is this is link after link after link I might have to apply for FMLA oh I'm not gonna be able to play tennis tennis is like the major way I really so all these things are just link after link after link that are attached and so you can't take away the pain until your leg heals right but you can say do I want to hold on to these attachments because that's where all my suffering is and then I I like to use the metaphor of of a bird flying in the sky and then all these things these attachments are like weights on the wings how you're gonna fly until you you know let some of those weights off and then when we when we when we dissect that even deeper um the event of breaking your leg might be um a singular event but there's a lot of things attached to that event oh the last time I broke my leg you know oh you know I was really stupid I shouldn't have gone rock climbing when it was in the rain that was really dumb and now you know you know you're you're criticizing yourself but there's a lot of a lot of things that are built into what seems like a singular event yeah and certainly when when it comes to that topic we we we touched on before forgiveness often it's not one thing that someone did that hurt you it's like well they hurt me you know in that conversation but two weeks ago they kind of they did a similar thing and then you know they apologized and I sort of said well okay now look they did it again so it's it's not necessarily it's a it's a cumulative wounding as it were again these are weights that tie us down and then when we look in the world collectively we say my gosh there is so much pain and suffering so much pain and suffering how how can I deal with it well for me and this is just my my answer that works for me and it touches on what you said is to bring as much love into the world as you can um you know I consider myself to be a frequency worker I'm trying to hold a frequency of love I think probably many of your listeners identify as light workers that light workers are frequency workers and you try to radiate love and that that is walking in the supermarket maybe smiling at people maybe you know having an open heart and that energetically has uh an effect a ripple effect so that is something we can control we can control uh how uh open our hearts are and the the the loving energy that we radiate uh and i i think the we talked a little bit about energy stewardship this has particular impact on on world events and and what you you know often see in the news and and what have you well if you find yourself getting more and more angry and upset what kind of a vibe are you putting out with that what kind of energy are you putting out you're putting out more anger more fear more energies of separation whereas love is an energy of unification so our energy stewardship I think applies very strongly to how what we're um allowing to take us off center um and you we see this often you go into a room and it's full of angry people all of a sudden you find yourself beginning to get angry it's true that's when you gotta be because there's something called precognitive field recognition your body senses that energy that that dissonant energy that distorted energy that's not coherent with love and then your your mind say oh what's going on here everybody looks angry um that's when you really have to make an effort to say I'm gonna hold my love frequency and if you do it powerfully enough you can change the whole room and and that's just it mean it might might sound preposterous to some people um I I don't think it's preposterous I think it's basically how we can bring more love into day-to-day things yeah um and it being aware and conscious of our our presence um is a way to do that so I don't know if that answered your question or not Therese yeah and more and then some it did absolutely um let's

Book: Feed Your Hungry Soul - Embodied Spirituality

SPEAKER_04 51:30

let's talk about you let me let's talk about this book for a minute figure what is one thing one thing besides love that you can um um say um is a um a result for someone who's who's reading this book what what kind of things do you do you not necessarily what do you offer for people to receive as um as a uh a gift from you if you will because this this I I'm I'm a firm believer that every single book that someone writes is an act of love that is an act of of kindness it's an act of generosity it's an act of a lot of different things now as somebody who publishes books and I get the opportunity to see a lot of them um and the daily gift book series has a lot of voices in it and every single one of those people brings something to the table that is um a unified topic this topic is love and it says awakening your loving heart what is give me one word besides love to describe what someone can take away from this we know that that's it that's a byproduct of reading this book is is more a more of a loving heart more of a loving way of being what is something else they can take away from this as a byproduct from reading it yeah um embodied spirituality that's two words yes I love it I think that we are um we have two seats of identity we have our egoic conditioned mind human identity and then we have the divine spark that's within us that's our soul centered identity and as you grow in love you integrate those two you don't in any way diminish your humanity um I I know that the there's some Christian themes discussed on your show and you know Jesus Christ was fully human and fully divine that's the model and so embodied spirituality is really I think the um you know part part of what I think the reader is is led towards and um I think an open heart uh an awakened heart occurs as we uh move through that process but I'd I'd I'd love to read probably two minutes or so from the chapter on peace because I think that you know in the beginning of that chapter I I I say we have within each of us a deep well of peace and you know I talk in that chapter about um how to you know uh raise our own awareness and how to uh you use that because it's always there and then towards the end I just this is what I wrote in difficult times of my life I have been inspired by Albert Camus's statement in the midst of winter I found there was within me an invincible summer it demonstrates that he understood an inner space of strength and determination so too in the midst of noise and chaos I have found within me a place of eternal silence and endless calm know that this same place of stillness is within you waiting only for you to visit and draw deeply from a well of peace that awaits your discovery the spring that feeds this well will never run dry. Have you met someone in your life that seems to be living from a place of peace they remain unfazed even when surrounded by turmoil and distress the gentle smile on their face with lines and creases of joy and happiness their gaze of loving eyes their demeanor and countenance of calm patience are all things which come across without words that person can be you affirmation within me is a deep well of peace that I can access and draw from at any time intention today I shall draw deeply from the well of peace within myself peace be with you and also with you my friend but then the the last words in that chapter are hint it already is yes yes yes yes so I love that well thank you thank you I I a lot of the stuff that's in this book was written over you know a 15 20 year period and I just kind of pulled it up and and threaded it all together a little bit wrote some new stuff and um you

Words Are Energy

SPEAKER_04 56:35

know I'm excited by the book because I I do you know words are powerful you you fully understand that um but I do think um written words and spoken words certainly have the the power to convey energy and I view this really as an and is an energetic transmission and I'm in some respects just the messenger it's kind of came through me much of it through my higher self and um you know how um people receive that energy I don't know um but I I hope um that it it is able to you know feed feed the soul feed the soul

Daily Gift Book series

SPEAKER_04 57:27

yes I loved our time together and would you believe the hour is just about up we have like three minutes but I want to let people also know that um you know it's interesting inside your book are all of the topics that are part of the daily gift book series I don't even know if you know that I don't even know I didn't realize that okay so the daily gift book series started with gratitude right yeah we moved to a daily gift of hope and then we moved to a daily gift of kindness right and the topic we just talked about a daily gift of peace now we are we we released a daily gift of friendship now we are working on a daily gift of inspiration and then we have coming happiness and joy and then the one that you have said you would write the forward to is a daily gift of love and that's coming in 2027. So I just I find that um it's very interesting that these topics I feel these were divinely downloaded to me in the order that they came in and it's yours your book is absolutely a spiritual experience on paper. Absolutely and I just love the fact that um that the message is coming through in so many different ways from a higher source that we need to live with these elements in our lives in order to be able to truly be the full um expression of the love that we are and we're created to be so thank you for what you do.

SPEAKER_01 59:00

Well thank thank you for your your kind words and um yeah it is it's just an expression of love. And I I I don't want to sign off without telling you and and all your listeners uh that I love you and that's not um just oh I love you no it's it's true it's real it's genuine and I I hope that you feel it with the intensity that I say it and share it and mean it.

SPEAKER_04 59:32

Thank you Victor I think everybody needs to hear that and know from which place that comes if people want to get in touch with you what's the best way for them to get in touch with you yeah well I'm no longer on on Facebook or Instagram or X, which you know was Twitter.

SPEAKER_01 59:49

I I discontinued all those I'm very active on LinkedIn. I have a website which is just my name victorquista.com and then I also you can contact me through my um I set up a little micro press Vox Veritas Vita press and I've been publishing my books including this last one through through there and there's a a way to reach out to me there.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:14

Perfect and go to LinkedIn and follow Victor's nine weeks the love notes nine weeks to opening your heart thank you so much for being with us today Dr. Victor I appreciate you um more than you will know. I love this conversation and I I hope that people have taken something away from this that can make their life and their life experience more loving one. And uh I thank you again. So for those of you who are listening um thank you again for coming to another another edition of Conversations That Make a Difference. We are here Tuesdays at 5 p.m we'll see you the next time but until then make sure that every conversation that you have is making a difference for someone else or for you yourself. And we'll see you next time stick around Victor thanks so much.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:04

See you next time everybody that brings us to the close of another episode of Conversations That Make a Difference with host Teresa Vellardi we want to sincerely thank you for tuning in and sharing your time with us today. Our greatest hope is that today's discussion inspired your personal growth encouraged you to share your unique gift and gave you the courage to write your own magnificent story. If this message resonated with you let's keep the conversation going. Take a moment to like comment and subscribe on YouTube and follow us on our conversations that make a difference Facebook page. This will ensure you never miss a moment of inspiration. We air new episodes every Tuesday at 5 p.m Eastern time don't forget to like comment and subscribe it truly helps us reach and empower more people until next time keep making a difference we look forward to welcoming you back next Tuesday to our next conversation