ROUGH WEEK (or Blisters, Bathrooms & the BMV)

Some weeks just seem determined to test your patience, and this was one of them. Brett and Lori swap stories about dermatologist appointments, cell phone disasters, DMV (or is it BMV?) headaches, buying cars, accidentally using the wrong restroom, and all the little frustrations that somehow become hilarious in hindsight.

If you've ever spent hours on hold, stood in the wrong line, or wondered why simple errands turn into all-day adventures, this episode is for you. It's proof that sometimes the only way to survive a rough week is to laugh your way through it.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Check check check in.

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Sybilis.

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Sybilis. Check check. One, two, three, and expect to laugh.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

If you've made it this far, you've landed at another wonderful, maybe certainly time-wasting episode of Expect to Laugh.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

With your host, Lori Bornes.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

And Brett Williams, but not in that order.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

Today's topic is always in that order.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Always. I see. All right. Always top building. Alphabetical by awesome.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

Today's topic is rough week.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

It's been a week.

SPEAKER_03 0:41

It's been a rough week to the point where I said, is something in retrograde?

SPEAKER_01 0:46

If you can't laugh about it, then it's not worth living.

SPEAKER_03 0:48

I'm sure there are more than us out there that had a rough week. Rough week. Brett, your week seemed rougher than mine.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

I don't know who's in a worse position with my first situation. Me, because I went to the dermatologist and had all these things frozen off, like these precancerous things. Oh. The good news is I don't have to look at myself. You do.

SPEAKER_03 1:09

Okay, first of all, you're way more self-conscious about it than you should be.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

I have blisters. I have blisters all over my. Are you joking me? Look at this.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

Are you joking me?

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Oh, wow. They're on my bod my bald spot.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

Oh my okay, it's on the top of your head. No one sees the top of your head.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Most people do. You're just an oompa loompa. And so you don't see it. Everybody else is like, oh, William. Oh I'm walking around with a ball cap.

SPEAKER_03 1:38

Okay, well, you should wear a ball cap on it.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

Like I there's some on my hands, but they're just I always feel like it's yeah, it hurts initially and then it itches, and then it's just gross. And then it scabs over, and then I don't get cancer.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

Well, okay, so let's explain. Um, Brett is uh as ginger as a ginger can be. I mean, I'm talking the carpet definitely matches the ginger.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Short temper, I'm the I'm the stereotypical ginger snap.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

Spit on me.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Ooh, say that. That's worth money.

SPEAKER_03 2:11

So um that's why you anytime you go out in their sunshine, you have to have something frozen off.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

I'm the worst kind of ginger. I'm a bald ginger. I have parts of my head that burn now that have never seen the light of day.

SPEAKER_03 2:25

I hear you. You gotta put the sunscreen on your skin. Okay. All right, all right, okay. So anyway, you don't look I mean, yeah. When I see You're like, you're fine!

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Oh god. Your face, to my point. Which is worse, being me or having to look at me?

SPEAKER_03 2:45

Oh, definitely you. Definitely being you. Uh yeah, sorry. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

That's I have like the complexion and temperament of like an old Scottish. Like if you want to know what I look like, other than looking at my photo, and if you're trying to figure out what does Brett look like, I want you to picture an ensemble member from Braveheart. Any large gentleman with red or no hair riding a horse to Mel Gibson?

SPEAKER_03 3:22

Every time I uh record an episode of uh Expect to Laugh With You, I I I feel like I'm in a peaky blinders episode.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

And why is that? Are you saying I'm awesome and British because I'm Scottish love? And I will key your car. I think that's what what angry Scottish people do in the 2000s is they just key your car? Key cars. I'm not sure. It used to be I will lance your horse. Sorry. Anyway, so I'm covered in blisters and you have to look at me, but I always forget when this is gonna happen, and of course, I don't have a very like monastic lifestyle that I'm just sitting alone.

SPEAKER_03 4:04

What kind of lifestyle?

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Over having to do with a monastery.

SPEAKER_03 4:07

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Okay. I'm like, living in isolation and quiet and solitude. Oh no, yeah, no. No, I'm out in the world, and this is not a season of life where I can just go out in the world with scabs and blisters all over my head, and nobody's gonna notice.

SPEAKER_03 4:26

You're fine.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

Okay, yeah, she said, squishing eye.

SPEAKER_03 4:29

I mean, if you've got a cap, I wouldn't I don't you're not wearing it currently. Yeah, here's the thing. I've worked with a couple of guys who are bald or balding. Okay, and I had no idea because I've only ever seen them in ball caps. Like they wear a ball cap every single day. Joe, Joey. You know Joey. He is balding.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

No, he's not. 100%.

SPEAKER_03 4:56

That's why he wears a ball cap. He wears a ball cap all the time. All the time, right? Jeff, ball cap. Oh man. Balding. I mean, you guys have that option.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

It is cold too. I'll tell you, when it gets winter, you know you're bald. Right. Like, oh, there's a chill in the air. My brain is feeling it on the inside of my skull.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

Why can't you just go out when it's really cold and like put like a little wet spot on the things you need frozen off and then just have nature freeze it off for you?

unknown 5:29

Huh?

SPEAKER_03 5:30

Yes. Save you $75.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

Copay. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 5:34

Is it $75?

SPEAKER_01 5:34

It's $20.

SPEAKER_03 5:35

Okay, well, I went to a dermatologist once as uh just a check me out kind of thing. Literally, you know, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Why did you go? You're you're Greek. You have perfect spin.

SPEAKER_03 5:46

Because you're well, okay. A. I love you. Um B, uh, because you're supposed to, you know, it's just part of maintaining the engine.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

And they say that. I've never had my boobs checked.

SPEAKER_03 5:55

I okay, well I can't. I do all the things I'm supposed to, okay? I'm a very good doobie when it comes to like maintaining whatever. So I go to the dermatologist. I'm waiting in the uh exam room for like a half an hour before they show up.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

That's a thing too. It's like, hi, my name is Ryan. Hi, Ryan, I'm Brett. Um, I need you to get down to your underwear and only your underwear. Yeah, well. Great. Yeah, me too. And then he starts making small talk with me. I'm like, I listen, can we just do just do what you gotta do? You don't have to ask me what my plans are for the weekend. You don't have to ask, I mean, as I'm saying this, it sounds like he's hitting on me.

SPEAKER_03 6:40

You don't need to know my likes.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

Hey Ryan, would you like to check out my body? Let me take off my shirt, and then we'll be done soon.

SPEAKER_03 6:54

All right, so my Ryan finally shows up, looks me over for, I would say, I'm not kidding, 30 seconds. My copay was 75 bucks for the dermatologist because it's a specialist, and I ask, hey, can I take a painting or something?

SPEAKER_02 7:10

Can I just a cake up pod?

SPEAKER_03 7:12

Can I can I have a box of gloves? Is there some you know, takeaway gift for that?

SPEAKER_01 7:18

No, no, but I'm grateful because people like you keep my cost down. You subsidize those of us who don't have a quick visit. Right. He's got this little device that he holds up all over every freckle that is a different color.

SPEAKER_03 7:30

Oh my god, you're covered in freckles.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Yeah, like every freckle that's a different color, every anything.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

And it's like how long does this take?

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Oh, you? No 30 seconds, apparently.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

You.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Me, 20 minutes to half an hour. Yeah, of just going over everything. And then he's like, Is there anything on the inside of your underwear you want to look at? I'm like, nope, I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 7:56

No, I'm good down there. Okay, so that was part of your rough week. Definitely. That that qualifies as rough week.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

And you had you had kind of an irritating situation too. I didn't know. That we can all relate to.

SPEAKER_03 8:10

In case you don't know, my name is Lori Vornis. I used to be on Morting Radio in Portland, Maine for 32 years, and I recently retired within the last year, and I it was like a slow exit. I kind of did some part-time stuff, and so you know, it's like a marriage. So I I was, you know, entwined with this company for so long that my phone was on the corporate plan.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Okay. First of all, I worked for the same company. My phone was definitely not on the corporate plan.

SPEAKER_03 8:35

It's not a perk that everybody gets. Okay. Let me tell you, I was special and I asked for it too. I did ask for it. Yeah. I totally forgot. It's just a phone. It's not like, you know, something comes up that says you're on a corporate plan.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

You know, it doesn't occur to you every month that you don't have to pay a freaking phone bill.

SPEAKER_03 8:51

No.

unknown 8:52

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

You're so out of touch. Like Trump putting gold all over the White House and then saying we need to save money.

SPEAKER_03 9:05

I'm sorry, you don't have a job, but I have a ballroom. Okay, so yeah, so yeah, I'm a little out of touch that way. So they said, hey, we gotta kick you off the corporate plan. I said, no problem. So I went on a uh friend's uh plan, like as an additional line.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:22

Which was uh it's it's so like so. I go to an ATT store.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

I need a friend. I want to go on a friend's plan and say somebody. Hey, if anybody would like to put me on their plan, let me know.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

Only he comes with a wife and two kids. So you know you got it's it's a big plan. Have a big one. And Arthur, isn't that the cat's name?

SPEAKER_01 9:42

Artemis is my cat and Apollo is the dog.

SPEAKER_03 9:44

Apollo, okay. Yeah. So I go to an ATT store and they're like, oh, we can't do anything because you haven't because I got sent like an email that says deactivate or something like that. And I had I hadn't done that because I wanted to do everything at an ATT store so they could walk me through it.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

You can't do things. It's so hard. Why is why are cell phones so complicated?

SPEAKER_03 10:05

So I I go home and I do this little activation thing and then I call the number, which oh my god, it's so frustrating. So they they don't want you to talk to you. I need you to press in press in what they don't want you to talk to a human, they want AI to answer all your questions. Well, AI couldn't, so I just kept saying, agent, agent, agent, on the phone for like an hour. They really couldn't do anything. So I went back to the store after I had started the initiation of separating from the corporate account.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

So at this point, do you still do you have a working phone?

SPEAKER_03 10:44

I still have a working phone.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 10:46

It's still working because it does, it hasn't clicked it, you know, it hasn't not worked. So they're like, okay, let's get you onto the this, you know, plan. We'll add a line and da-da-da. And they're like, okay, done. I go home, everything seems to be fine. Except the next day I wake up and my phone is on SOS.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

I haven't Yeah, no, not fine. Something happened at midnight, didn't it? Like the calendar switched and all of a sudden you don't exist. Right. And you're off the grid.

SPEAKER_03 11:12

SOS.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

But at this point, a gift to many people.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

At this point, however, I can still text, call. I even though it's on SOS, I can still use my phone. So I'm like, oh, it's probably just a thing, and it's gonna take a day. So I wait entire 24 hours. The next one.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

Are you serious? So I I just go without your phone for a year.

SPEAKER_03 11:34

No, no, no, no, no. I have my phone, but it's on SOS.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

I know, but you can't make a phone call.

SPEAKER_03 11:39

I could.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

That's just only on Wi-Fi calling?

SPEAKER_03 11:42

I have no idea. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Bizarre. I don't know. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 11:45

I wait 24 hours. The next day, I have nothing on my phone. I can't text. I can't do anything. Now the SOS is serious. I guess uh uh I can't. I can't do it. So did you call 911?

SPEAKER_02 11:58

Like I have an emergency. I couldn't do anything. I need to place a Hannifer to go order.

SPEAKER_03 12:02

So I I am out of chive cottage cheese. Right. I need you immediately.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

My wordle is not gonna solve itself.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

Right. I mean, all the things. So I backed down to the ATT store, which God love 'em. But that does he though?

SPEAKER_01 12:21

Like that's a special kind of person that wants that job.

SPEAKER_03 12:23

First of all, their stuff wasn't working. I I mean, it just I was at this store for two hours.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

Okay, Lori left. That's not abnormal. That's total I think you are just so disconnected from real life. Okay, come on. I swear to you, this is yes! This happens every single time I want to upgrade- Oh, free upgrade. Oh, great. What's what's this gonna take? I sit in there without exaggeration. I'm there for three, four, five hours sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 12:54

Good God. This is what they do, and I don't understand. Like, why? I don't get it either. Because they didn't help me. You know what their su suggestion was, and I'm not kidding. Oh, you need to upgrade your phone.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

Yeah, of course that's always their suggestion. Right, and I s and I'm like You are so new to this. That's every everybody listening to this podcast is like, that's our first time hearing that.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

Oh, and they did ask me about my internet, and I shut them down right away. I said, I'm not getting your internet, I just want my phone to work. So I leave there. My phone doesn't work.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

You say get commissioned for that part.

SPEAKER_03 13:26

Exactly. So I still get I I I get back on the phone and I I'm talking to this person who has to lead me to another person who has to lead me to another person who has to leave four hours.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

I believe it.

SPEAKER_03 13:38

On a phone. But at the end Did it disconnect? No.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 13:43

No, no, no. Because that's happened to me. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

That is happening.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

I I was so paranoid by the time that I was getting to the actual person who could help me that I said, My God, what if I get disconnected and you can't connect me? What number, what direct number do I call to get this guy? Right. Right? Andrew, what number do I call? And they're like, the, you know, 611.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

And I was like, No, no, no, no, no. That's the normal. That's the that's the that's the big number. I want the little number. I want your personal cell phone. I want your address.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

I will come to your house, Andrew.

SPEAKER_03 14:18

They wouldn't give me Andrew's number. So I said, please, dear God, please connect me. And so he did. And Andrew, God loved this guy. He was the only one who understood and could do he got my phone to work. I am so grateful.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

I just don't understand why this is so hard every single time. It's not you, Lori. It happens to everybody.

SPEAKER_03 14:39

Really?

SPEAKER_01 14:39

Yes. This seems to be a normal thing.

SPEAKER_03 14:42

Can I ask? Uh, is it well here goes a sponsor? Is it ATT?

SPEAKER_01 14:46

It is not.

SPEAKER_03 14:47

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_01 14:48

No, I'm leaving the door open to another sponsor, however. I'm not gonna say who it is. Listen, if I get a free phone, I will endorse any cell phone service. If you are listening and you are representing cell phone service, you're such a whore.

SPEAKER_03 15:05

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

I prefer dirty slut.

SPEAKER_03 15:07

You've got the dermatologist this week in your rough week. I have ATT for my rough week. What else you got?

SPEAKER_01 15:14

Well, I I recently bought a new car. New to you. It is new to me because I am not a trust fund baby, so I couldn't afford a new. Not all of us get a free cell phone, Lori. So some of us have to make a car payment as well on top of a phone. Oh, that's what real people do.

SPEAKER_03 15:28

Can I interrupt you?

SPEAKER_01 15:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:30

I bought a new car ten years ago. My first one I'd ever purchased in my entire life. The one you're driving now? No.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Oh, okay. I'm like, that looks like it was bought five months ago. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:38

No, ten years ago, I bought my very, very first car ever.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:42

New. I financed it through the dealership and blah, blah, blah. And it was through Bank of America.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Put it in my contract and so the radio station.

SPEAKER_03 15:50

Okay, no. God almighty. I didn't even think of it.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

I would have.

SPEAKER_03 15:56

So I I uh uh and it was a new car, and this is ten years ago. I mean, registering it was like a thousand dollars. It blew my mind. It blew my mind. I thought she was kidding. I mean, it blew again. Real people know this. Right, exactly. Because it's been so long since I uh since I've done anything like that. Yeah, excise tax and registration are no joke. Everything's great, yada yada yada. I'm driving this car. I get uh in the mail from Bank of America a bill for like $450. And I think, what the hell is this? And I'm on the phone to Bank of America, and I said, Hey, Bank of America, you just sent me a bill. I don't know why I'm getting billed. What the hell is this?

SPEAKER_01 16:36

It's called a car payment.

SPEAKER_03 16:37

Yes, they said, What's the first three numbers? I said, 611. He goes, That's a your your car. And I was like, Oh, right. Because I totally forgot because I had been driving around this beater for.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Then there's this other thing that most of us have to do, which is called buying groceries. I can let's that's a whole other episode.

SPEAKER_02 17:00

Oh my gosh. Lori! I know I just forgot, okay. My head hurts.

SPEAKER_03 17:06

Because I thought, oh, right. I have to pay for this. Uh anyway.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

This is good. I'm out of touch. Lori Vornit. Okay, so I found the car I want, but it's in Massachusetts. But I drive, it's worth it. Okay, so I'm driving to Massachusetts. I check out the car, but then on my drive home, actually, that car, I didn't even get that one. So I'm driving home with my old one. And I had to use the restroom. So I get to the best place to use a restroom is where? A hotel.

SPEAKER_03 17:35

Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Why have you ever done that? You have to use a restroom. You're like, find a McDonald's. I'm like, hell to the no.

SPEAKER_03 17:43

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

That's disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 17:44

I have to say Holiday Inn even has Kleenex in there, the women's bathroom.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

People, if you're driving, look for a hotel because you know that bathroom got cleaned by a professional that day and not somebody who makes French fries. Gross. Ooh, why did I think that? Okay. Anyway, I go in to use the restroom. It's a quick visit. I just had to pee. The first thing I noticed was like it was like an all gender logo thing that I thought I saw. And I go in. And I'm like, oh, that's weird. There's no urinals, but I had to go. I just go into a stall. I really had to pee. And when you get to be almost 50 years old, peeing is not a quick visit. Really? For some of us, you know, it was definitely faster when I was a teenager. Okay. So do we get me in there for a while? Are you sitting or standing? I'm standing. Okay. What's funny is I heard like voices in the bathroom and then they left. I'm like, that's weird. Like maybe they thought that, you know, they were checking to see if it was able to be cleaned at that moment, and they realized there was a man in the bathroom. And and I walk out and there is a woman standing at the sink. And I'm like, why are you in this bathroom? What do you that's okay, creepy. But she had like the logo on her shirt. So I'm like, okay, maybe she's cleaning the bathroom. I say, excuse me. And I wash my hands and I walk out. It's one of these bathrooms that like the doors are face to face when you go out. And so I walk out and there's another man coming out of the opposite bathroom as me at the same time. And he looked at me, I'm like, why were you in that? No.

SPEAKER_02 19:16

Oh my god, you were in the women's bathroom.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

I did. I did. I was standing and peeing.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

So hold on.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

In the women's bathroom in Portsmouth.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

How did you m mistake the skirt for Lori?

SPEAKER_01 19:28

I had to piss so bad. There wasn't a lot of there was not a lot of brain power going on.

SPEAKER_02 19:36

Oh bro.

SPEAKER_01 19:36

I I don't know how it happened. It was an honest mistake. But good Jesus did it feel good to pee. Do you ever get to that point where you have to pee so bad? It's like, I feel like I can do anything. I can run a marathon after you're done peeing. Like, that was I'm a new person. What is it? Charlton? Charlton Charlton Plaza, Western Mass. I know them all.

SPEAKER_03 19:58

Charlton Plaza, Western Mass. Yeah. As you're heading to Connecticut, I had to pee so bad that I could barely walk.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Which is why they have now one of those moving walkways from the conveyor into the back. No, Lori!

SPEAKER_02 20:13

Jesus! What? That's amazing!

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Yes, they have a service. They will send a helicopter to your car and bring you each.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

Which one of you had to pee so bad you can't walk? I'm down here! I'm down here! Okay. Ma'am, climb into the basket.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

Climb in the way. That pee. I have had two peas that are memorable. That pee, and there was a pea up at Sunday River. After snowshoeing.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Oh god, yeah, especially with all those layers.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

You know, you finally get down to getting down. And I've never peed so long. That's what was the memorable part for me. It's like, wow. And I'm trying to imagine how much liquid just came out, like in quantitative, quantitatively, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:04

That's two ski boots full. I know that because I didn't make it to the bathroom. Yes, it's true.

SPEAKER_03 21:14

Oh, that was your rough week. You peed in a woman's room.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

I peed in a woman's room. Like, that was not a badge of honor, Lori. You're like, what was so rough about that? I'm like, yeah, what do you mean what was rough about that? That was humiliating. I walked out of that bad and then I people saw me. Okay, it wasn't anonymous.

SPEAKER_03 21:30

It what town was it in? Portsmouth.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Oh, that's kind of crazy. It's kind of close. Like, I'm just hoping that the people there were not locals. Yeah. Yeah. So there was that. And then I also had a DMV uh encounter because I had to register.

SPEAKER_03 21:44

BMV.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Bureau of Motor Vehicles. Oh, I thought you were saying something about a BM No, no, no, we're moving past moving on.

SPEAKER_02 21:52

Okay, good. Moving on.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

The BMV now? It's not the DMV. No. Okay. Well, I can't keep up with all the important things that we're doing now. But Augusta these times.

SPEAKER_03 22:01

I don't know what's the difference between a department and a bureau, but it's a bureau.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

What is up with all these people that waited for their real ID? Because the real ID thing has been on the horizon for like seven years. A long time. Do you have like a license that's a real ID? I do. Yeah. I get it. And to do that, you have to like bring proof of residency. It's a step, but whatever.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

It's like, okay, fine. DNA sample.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

All that stuff, right? Baked goods, yeah. Right. Baked goods. Bribery, all the things that you expect in America. I had done my real ID maybe in 2021. 22. A while ago. So it surprises me now that there are people who haven't done this yet. And I go to the DMV and I need BMV. Those pieces of shit, DMV. No, I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

So it'll go really well for you next time.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Everybody in line, except me, I feel like, was doing a real ID and they're head like the lobby was full. And so I go in, say it was on a Tuesday. Actually, it was on a Thursday because I went in the next day to finish the process. I go in on a Thursday and I pulled number 62. There was somebody in front of me that was like, they were serving 58. Like, great, I'll stick around. But then they start calling numbers that aren't there. Okay. They're like hex numbers. Like now serving 76 VQ. I'm like, what? Turns out people can make appointments ahead of time. And I tried to make an appointment. The next appointment was January 15th. And that was like three months into the future. I'm like, this is not going to work. I've got to register my new car that I got. I don't understand why everybody waited, but now they're filling up the DMV, BMV. And so I said, Great, I'm going to get here before they open tomorrow. Because I waited 45 minutes and they hadn't even gotten to 59 yet.

SPEAKER_03 23:41

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

Right. I'm like, this is not my day. I get to the place the next morning. Before the doors open. Before doors open. In fact, I dropped off my son at school and I said, I'm just going to go over there now. I brought a chair. Okay. Okay. It was a cold morning for this bald head. Let me tell you what. Did you not own a hat? I have a hat, but I forgot it. Like it didn't occur to me. I'd be like I didn't leave the house planning. I'm going to say it was football season. My kids play football, so I still had that chair in the house. Oh, okay, okay. Because you never know if they're going to have bleachers wherever you play. Pull up my camping chair. I'm second in line, which is great. By the time they opened Lori, I waited an hour and other people got in line behind me. There were 28 people in line before they even opened. 28 that had had no appointment ahead of time. It's like the new iPhone came out. It's wild. You know what struck me? None of them were working. I brought my laptop and my camping chair. I was I got so much done. I dug through my email, like I was ready for the day. I got I did like a backlog of stuff.

SPEAKER_03 24:38

What did you use for Wi-Fi?

SPEAKER_01 24:39

My cell phone hotspot.

SPEAKER_03 24:41

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:42

Smart.

SPEAKER_01 24:42

Yeah, right. Because do you think the state of Maine has a free Wi-Fi network? Nope. I had to like do my own hotspot. And I get the second number. But then of course I get up to the counter. The dealer didn't give me a piece of paper that I needed. Are you kidding me? I You didn't have to get back in line. Well, I said to the lady, I said, if I can get this piece of paper, do I have to wait in line? She goes, No, just sit in the back over there. I'll see you and I'll call you before I call the next number. And she did. Like I got the piece of paper. Like I got the PDF email of what I needed from the dealer. She just like waved me up at the next person. But the fact is, the BMV is out of control because these real ID people just let it go. I'm like, get a real ID.

SPEAKER_03 25:25

This is where I'm gonna school you. Why? You think, you know, like I'm oh, I'm so out of touch. Well, you're out of touch. The the B D whatever MV has always been like that. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

No, not in Springvale. In in Portland it was. Springvale, Maine? Springvale, Maine.

SPEAKER_03 25:43

Where the hell is that?

SPEAKER_01 25:44

Part of Sanford. It's on the other end of Main Street in Sanford. And it like serves like York. So it's like a local one. That's insane. And I have never had to wait more than 15 minutes. Oh yeah, because Portland. That's what Portland is out of control. And when I lived in Portland, I drove to Springvale. Oh, you can register anywhere? 100%. You can go to any DM BMV in the state of Maine. You can go to any one of them. There's one in Rumford. If you feel like a road trip, like, hey, I'm going to get out of the city, make a day of it. And go to like a branch location.

SPEAKER_03 26:11

You're going to make a day of it no matter where you go, anyways.

SPEAKER_01 26:13

Like get off Presump Scott Street and like go to I don't know where that one is in Portland.

SPEAKER_03 26:16

It is. It's on Presump Scott Street.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

I remember. Get out of that one and like at least go make a trip to somewhere. Because there's one in Kennebunk, there's one in Sanford, there's one in Rumford. They're all over the place.

SPEAKER_03 26:25

You want to hear this could be probably a whole episode itself. I'm going to write this down as an idea. Karma. What a bitch. And the BMV. I had to go to the BMV to register or whatever. Or maybe it was my real idea. I don't know. I had to go. I was at work at one city center in downtown Portland, and I thought, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to park. You're not supposed to really park there, but I know the security.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

By the loading door?

SPEAKER_03 26:48

By the loading door.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

I've done that. And they're nice.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

And they're wicked nice about it, right?

SPEAKER_01 26:52

Quick in and out.

SPEAKER_03 26:53

Quick in and out. I do that and I come down. I made an appointment. So I have tiki tiki talk talk. I gotta get there by a certain time.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:02

And there's a truck unloading, blocking all the cars that parked on the loading dock. There's a big giant semi and no driver in it.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

Oh no, Lori. So you were stuck in.

SPEAKER_03 27:13

And I wait and I wait and I crap. I have get an Uber. You did not to take an Uber.

SPEAKER_01 27:25

And they're like, Do you have your registration with you? You're like, it's in my glove box. Let me go. Shit.

SPEAKER_03 27:30

No, I you know what? I I don't I was blocked in because I did the cheating parking ticket. Yeah, that'll teach you. Yeah, karma.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

Yeah, and then you were towed when you got back.

SPEAKER_03 27:38

No, I wasn't. Thank you. Jeez God almighty.

SPEAKER_01 27:41

You ever been towed? Oh, in Portland, yes. I got towed. Booted? No, I've never been booted. I just came back. No, because you were out of control with your parking tickets. You have you were on a first name basis with every meter made in Portland, Maine.

SPEAKER_03 27:55

But I none of them like you.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Now they work at the BMV.

SPEAKER_03 28:02

I will say I often pushed the pushed it a lot with parking in Portland. I pushed it a lot. I didn't feed the meter.

SPEAKER_01 28:11

You would show up at five and get a great rockstar spot at five in the morning, but then by 9 a.m., I remember you would like sprint out of meetings that we were in. Like, I'm getting up.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

Like you had to go pee while you were snowshoeing. All right. It's happened again. You've wasted another great half hour of your life with us.

SPEAKER_03 28:29

I hope your rough week was better than our rough week, but at least it wasn't that bad.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

It was just full of stories. Did you go to the DMV? No, because it's the BMV? Bureau. Okay. Bureau. Brett. Bureau. It's the Bureau. The BMV