Hello and welcome to the Swim Brief. I'm Chris DeSantis, and today is a special Tuesday edition podcast where I talk about whatever's on my mind, coaching-wise, positive psychology-wise. And this is a very this one I'm actually recording a week in advance because when this one comes out, I'm going to be leaving on a vacation. And that is apropos of the topic that I'm going to be talking about today, because I'm actually kind of inspired by the fact that I'm I'm not feeling too great. And um, those of you who hear my voice cracking at the perfect moment to emphasize what's going on. But those of you who know me probably uh know that, you know, when you give me a call and and and talk to me and you ask me the uh normal polite question, how are you? Uh I always take that as an opportunity to answer honestly. I um I uh maybe it's the inner Dane in me, maybe it's just my own personality, but uh I have never wanted to politely answer that question and just move on as quickly as possible with the, oh, I'm I'm good, you know, if I'm not good. And so people who have uh been in touch with me over the last few months have started to notice that um I'm not saying that I feel good in a lot of those moments, and I'm a little bit under the weather again. Um, and of course I'm frustrated about that, but I think uh there's there's something worth discussing for that situation and the psychology around it. And and maybe you can just take this as a pep talk that I'm delivering to myself, that I that I think is necessary for me to deliver to myself in this um in this conste context that I find myself in. Um and I guess a piece of it is uh I want to talk about decision making. Um, basically, what I talk about a lot in the context of positive psychology, which really to me is built around a lot of uh long-term, sort of thought-out decision making versus very short-term immediate uh decision making, that you know, um you're leading yourself by your own nose into some stuff. And in this, in this, you know, like when I am have been feeling bad, I have definitely felt the pressure that, like, oh no, this is not a good time, right, to be feeling bad. I mean, in in in in my life, um, January 1st, I went back into business for myself full time. So I am running this business, Chris DeShanna's coaching, and it's all me, right? Um, I do I do work, I get paid for that work, um, but I I do, you know, I don't have a paycheck per se, right? I make my own paycheck, and and the only way I get paid is by uh do doing things, by seeking out work, um, finding people that I can help, uh, offering them help, um, getting them to agree to agreements, all this stuff. So every step of the way um to me essentially having a job, it is driven by me, and that can apply like a lot of pressure, right? Um, that I've certainly felt that pressure where I just go, like, it's not, it's not a good time to be sick right now. Like, I I have stuff to do.
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SPEAKER_00And I think a lot of you who are listening, you can relate to that feeling, just thinking, like, I have so much stuff to do right now. It's not convenient that I am feeling the way I am, or maybe I'm feeling, maybe you're feeling physically fine, but you're just like unmotivated, and you're like, this is not convenient, right? And you just want to push, you just want to like grind your way through it. But the problem with that is um that when you grind your way through, you can often that's a that's a very short-term decision, going like, you know, I've got like four things of my checklist today, and they quote unquote have to get done. And I'll get into the little psychology that I have copied on this have to question later, but they have to get done, and then you sort of grind through them, and it can prolong the period that you're not feeling well, and so then you have more days that you need to sort of find a way to grind through, and eventually you hit a wall. Um, and maybe you don't, right? I actually, you know, I can think back to many times in my life where I just managed to grind my way through much, many, many, many less of them. The older that I get, um, I seem to get to that point where I am forced to stop a lot sooner. But, you know, I think uh certainly it is it is an option, uh, but it often doesn't have good long-term consequences. And so, you know, if you could manage to stop and really make the most rational, best decision, right? It would be like I'm going to prioritize myself recuperating in this moment. It's not that actually you you need to do nothing. I I often hear this suggestion as well, um, especially out of context from like uh medical professionals that work around sports, where they go, well, you know, like your shoulders hurting, the best thing for you is just take two weeks off. I actually, I'm sorry to quibble with those people, but I actually don't agree with that advice. And I think it's because, partially because they are applying advice that is for your average person to people who are like really into the activity that they are doing. And I think in those cases, actually, it is better for people to scale back what they're doing and still do a little bit of what they're doing versus just completely drop it. Um, and there is some uh research to back this up. I can I quote it off the top of my head, absolutely not. Um, but it was one of the most interesting conversation points that I had when um I was visiting and observing Shannon Rollison, uh the Australian, some coach who was who was then coaching in in Denmark, um, that they had done actually at the Australian Institute for Sport. They had documented this phenomenon that people I think are well aware of. When I say it to you, that you know, this this thing that happens when you're like go, go, go, go, go, and then you stop and you immediately get sick or you immediately get injured, um, that that was that was actually real, that they could measure, um measure that. And they measured it, of course, with elite athletes going from you know really ambitious schedules to just a complete stop and what that did, um, what kind of outcomes that had for their health. So I don't think in the in these situations, when I say prioritize your health long term, I don't think that means completely pairing back to nothing what you're doing, but it may mean that instead of accomplishing 100% of what you would expect from yourself on days where you're 100%, you set that you're going to try to accomplish 80% for a few days. And what are you gonna do with that extra 20% of time? You're gonna do things that um you think will help you to recuperate. You're going to rest more. You're um, in my case, um, I have found great solace over the last few months and great um health outcomes from meditation. So I'd put a little bit more time into something like that because I know it reduces my stress level and downstream. Um that reduction in stress means that my body is not also imagining that it's fighting off some you know life or death threat beyond the one that I want it to be focused on. Um so that is that is absolutely a piece of it. And um, but it's really hard, right? It's really hard to make that shift from I have to, I have to, I have to, I have to, I have to. And regardless of whether you're like me, you're um working in something that is, you know, you're the whole show, right? Um it it can be really, really easy to. I mean, I I I felt this level of immediacy um way before I went into business for myself, right? I felt it. When I was head coach of a team, man, did I feel like I had a lot of things to do and that there were a lot of things that relied on me. And if I didn't do them, you know, the whole world was was going to fall down. Um, and even prior to that, even when I was an assistant coach, which looking back, you know, it's like, gosh, did I even really have that much responsibility? Really. But I created a a vision and a world for myself where, yeah, in my opinion, I had a lot of responsibility. I'm I'm I'm laughing as I say this because I was um talking with a colleague recently who um is a bit older than me, has adult children, um, no kids yet. Uh, and these adult children had uh called her up and said, Hey, uh, mom, uh adulting is really hard. And, you know, um I think she could both recognize at the same time that, like, in comparison, you know, if she just tried to compare it to what she was doing at their age, you know, raising a couple kids and uh managing all sorts of things, she can she can say, like, oh my gosh, it was so much more stressful for me, right? But um, anybody can create this, regardless of your actual situation. Anybody can create an environment for themselves where they have to keep 20, they have to keep 20 plates spinning or else. Right. And um one of the most powerful uh pieces of of shifting that I did for this, and it took me, I'm still like in process of it. So I would say I started to make this shift um, let's see, this is 2023, 2016, seven years ago. And I would say it's still in process. So um, if you don't get this right away, I think this is a great example of some of what I was uh uh talking about in a pot, another podcast that I lost. I'm getting even started on my podcast platforms, but I I was I was talking about um the presentations that I saw down in Texas. And I saw uh Brent Bach, who is coach of Elmbrook Swim Club and one of the most successful club coaches in America. I was doing a lot with a little, right? Not a not a giant team, no, you know, whiz-bang facilities, um, has got a lot going on there. And I really enjoyed his presentation because he um, you know, in typical presentations where you're getting somebody who is, you know, like there because everybody thinks they've been really, really successful, you get a lot of, here's what I did. And maybe you get one layer back of like, and why. Brent gave a really good presentation that I felt like gave, in some cases, four, five, six, seven layers of decision making. That is, you could follow a process. So you you were both hearing about the decisions, the points at which the destinations of decisions that he's ended up at now, and you could see the process that he used to get there. And I think that's so important, and this is why I'm winding up to talking about um needing to do things and the process that I went through, because when I talk to people about this, the most common thing that they do is they copy uh my endpoint for this. They start emulating my endpoint. And by the way, I don't think that's wrong. But what I uh think, because I care about you who, you know, you who are listening to this, and I and I I really do put a lot of effort into these positive psychology um pieces of this because I want people to be able to, you know, get some of this and use some of this and feel like it's making them better at what they do. I I I want you to understand some of the process, right? Several steps, several layers of the process because it's gonna help you get the actual benefit from this faster. It's gonna help you learn faster. It's gonna help you learn more. It's gonna make it more magical for you in the end. Um, and uh I I I think you know, coaches, if we're if we're nothing else, we are we are magicians. We are modern day magicians. So um please, uh we're we're magicians who actually show you exactly how to do the trick, right? We're like magician teachers. Ah, I don't know. I'm getting deep on that analogy and I'm not explaining the thing. So one of the most common behaviors that I do is I uh actually ask myself when I am in this mode of need, need, need, need, need, I need to do this, I have to do this, etc., etc. Um a subtle correction that I I have been making since 2016 is changing most of those need statements to want statements. Because, well, first of all, um, if I get to the first layer of explaining, because it's honest, right? I don't need to do most of the things that I have on my need list. In fact, I actually don't have the things that I really need to do on my need-to-do list, if I think about it, right? Uh, what do I need? Did I did I put drink water on there? Because I actually need to do that, right? I need to sleep tonight. Um, I need uh to continue to eat food to sustain myself. Um, and in fact, even you know, if we want to get real technical on those things, I guess we could go, I could go a day or two without doing some of them, but eventually I will need to do them to live. Um, whereas, you know, whatever uh proposal I want to make later, I don't I don't need to do it. Um and instead I admit to myself the truth, which is that I want to do it, that I have ambitions, that I have things that I want to accomplish, that I have places that I want to get to with this venture that I'm launching. Um and that, you know, that I think that these things will help push that forward, and therefore I want to do them. Now, first layer of explanation here. It's honest. Second layer, let's look at the psychology and and the like the feelings and the thoughts that follow. If I think about something that I have to do, if I actually look at all right, uh, for instance, drinking water, that's like probably the most immediate. I don't know, I guess you you probably can go longer without water than you can go without sleep. So if you if you look at like sleeping, right? Um and you think about having to do that. Um, as I know someone who's had a lifelong struggle with falling asleep, okay. Um when I think about having to sleep, I am scared, right? I am scared. I'm scared if you presented me with a situation where it's like you're gonna have to be up for 48 hours straight. I'm scared. That's a scary situation, right? Because I know it's it's very risky. It's um it is kind of life or death, that type of situation. And um when I'm scared, right, I get into very much a space of I can only see like what's right in front of me, right? Because what's right in front of me, my my brain is designed to address that first, or we die, right? That's what that system is for, that's what that fear system is for. Um, and then and then we were blessed as human beings to be able to, you know, predict way into the future stuff that's gonna happen. Um, it turns out our fear system's not very effective for dealing with that, but nevertheless, right, I get into that space. Now think about the space that you get into, or I get into, if we continue to use the example, but when I want to do something, like who doesn't want to get what they want, right? Feels good. Feels good to get what you want. Um, it feels like if you were writing a story, right? Um, it feels like you're the protagonist of the story, not some um passive uh to switch over to video game analogies, not some passive NPC non-player character, right, that the events of the story just happen to, right? You you are the person who is driving the action forward. And it's inherently more exciting, it's a more motivating environment when I think about things that I want to do and just like I'm going to do them. It feels completely different than I have to do it or else. Um feels really good. It feels really good. Is it easy to make that shift over? Absolutely not, right? I am constantly yo-yoing back and forth from have to versus want to. That is happening um quite a bit. So it's not it's not a sense of, right, when I say make a shift, and this is maybe another layer of it come behind the psychology. It's not like when I say make a shift that now I've eliminated need from my vocabulary, except where it's actually appropriate and I use want all the time. Come on, okay. Um it is it is the slow learning process, long-term learning process of building different motivational pathways, right? So, really what we are talking about here are the two um opposing, or opposing, as I sound so aggressive, um, two motivational pathways that I see all the time. One, which is our default, it's a it's a negative motivational pathway. We try to um intimidate, we try to scare ourselves into doing things uh because we're good at that. And it works in the immediate sense. Over the long term, we find ourselves extremely challenged by this because um essentially I I think, and a lot of people agree with me on this, is um our brain was not designed to be you know chronically intimidated to motivate us to do something over a long time, right? That system was actually designed for real life or death situations that would pop up sporadically and then you'd have to act immediately. It's great for that. Um, but when you are you know trying to spend years building something up gradually over time, you want to act, you want to activate a motivational system that gives you some agency because frankly, agency will be really helpful to you, feeling as if you are getting what you want, which is the truth. We go back to the first layer, um, is actually going to not just not just help you to motivate in the local sense, but it is actually going to build motivation over time, right? And that is, I think, what you can observe in some people where you go, like, but that person's capacity for doing stuff is um is is just incredible. I mean, um, I probably think I really started to learn this. I I say 2016, but 2016 was where I started to put together something from my own experience growing up, which was when it came to sports, which is something that I really cared about, right? I had a lot of emotion invested in. I um would get real nervous before I was competing. I would really struggle to sleep, and I would imagine that I was, you know, never prepared for it. And then school, which I had my own issues with that are probably, you know, you could go listen to my ADHD podcast, you can hear some of my issues with school. But the interesting thing was I had supreme confidence in myself, like in it, for instance, in like a testing environment. Right? I um I would not study for tests. I don't think I ever studied for a test in my life. And part of it was I knew that if I got a good night's sleep, I showed up with a positive attitude, like I can remember a lot. I tended to remember a lot of what they expected you to recall in the course of a test. And I do think that that um while it probably would have been best for me to combine a strategy with of actual preparation with a strategy of that level of confidence, um, there was something to learn from that, right? Which was that you know, I um I didn't need to, I didn't need to do all that preparation. I didn't need to. But if I wanted to, I could. Right? And if I wanted to, and I actually by choosing not to, I had set up a situation for myself where it was voluntary, where I wasn't in that space of need and fear and you know, pr just only perceiving what was right in front of my face. I was able to be in my most rational, most sort of thinking part of my brain, and it was a huge advantage in a lot of those situations, despite my maybe my lack of preparation. So that's what I'm thinking about today. Hope you guys are all doing well. Um, I hope uh uh I hope I have a good vacation after this. I think I will. I'm really excited for it, and uh, I'll be back with you guys on the flip side of this. So see you soon.