Episode 2

Let’s discuss my dating life, past and lately. The wild stuff guys say and do and think women want to hear. 

Whether you’re happily single, actively dating, or just want to hear the stories. Hope you like this episode! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Okay, welcome back to Emily Lately.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

I'm Emily and today I'm gonna talk about dating and being single and all that great stuff.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Yeah, so just get right into it. I would say that most times I feel like I am the only single person that I know. Which isn't at all true because I do know single people, but it just feels like my main like core source of people, whatever, that I spend time with are married. Especially like my my two like best best friends. They are both married. Um, one's been married for just a year. They got married a year ago, and um the other one has been married, geez, for like I don't even know at this point. It's been over ten years. So, yeah. Um I just feel like I'm the only one. Which I guess is probably like anybody who is single that's like looking to be in a relationship, like wants to be in one, whatever, that's probably how they feel. I mean, I'm normal, right? I mean, as normal as normal can be. You know, I feel like you know, a lot of times when like everybody goes out together, like all my friends, um, if it's just like the girls going out, everybody like leaves and they get to go home to somebody. And I don't. I spend a lot of my time alone, which to some people would probably be like their ideal thing, but I don't like being alone, like being alone every now and then, like I'm doing right now, that's fine. But I like knowing that somebody's there to me. I like knowing that I'm if I'm out, I'm gonna go home to somebody. And like obviously I go home to my child, but that is very different than going home to somebody or somebody coming home to you. Um let's start at the beginning, I guess. When I was younger, I always thought that it was easy to have a boyfriend, get a boyfriend. I would either like meet somebody like when I was way younger, it was at school, or I would meet them at work, or I would meet them through somebody, like they were a friend of a friend, or friends of friends of friends. It was like somebody always introduced me to somebody or like that. It just never was like I met somebody like random out on my own, kind of thing. It was just, it felt like it always came easy to me. And now that I'm older and looking again, it's like it does not seem easy, and I probably have a very poor judgment of guys because I always seem to be with the wrong person. Obviously, it doesn't start out that way, but it always ends up that way, and I think that's kind of why I'm always like one of my friends just needs to like find me somebody because they seem to have a better idea of what I need than I do. It's like I'll I'll take attention wherever I get it. That shouldn't be the way that it is. But you know, the last few years since I've been like single and actually looking to date somebody, find somebody to spend my time with, I've been learning about myself and discovering like what it is that I really want in somebody. And I things that I should say no to because it's not something that I need, and don't just think, oh well, I can overlook that because they can change or whatever. It's like I actually recently heard how like you shouldn't go into a relationship thinking like, oh, I can just change that in somebody. You should go into a relationship and be with that person just the way that they are. Obviously, people do change, but you should change like together, grow together. You know, it all makes sense, except for when you're going through it. So I have discovered over my journey of being single the last few years is that like I have an anxious attachment style. I don't believe that I have ever had this kind of style. I'm from what I'm like reading of stuff or I have read about stuff, is like it all boils down to like stuff that happened when you were a kid, like how you were raised, like the parenting style that was used on you, and all that stuff. And to me, I feel like there must have been some sort of like a band-aid almost, I guess is like how I could best describe it, as that there was some sort of a band-aid over my attachment style. And that band-aid didn't get ripped off until I had um broken up with my daughter's dad. Because I don't remember being in a relationship with him and ever feeling like he was going to leave at any given moment. And like everything he did like made me feel anxious and whatever. But and then any relationship that was before him, which there wasn't like a ton of relationships before him, but any relationship that was before him, I don't ever remember like having an anxious attachment style. And maybe it has to do with the fact that like I have the anxious attachment style because of how my relationship with my dad was. My parents divorced when I was like four years old, probably. I think that's what I was told. Obviously, I don't remember, like, I don't remember a lot from my childhood. I don't know if it's just something in me is blocking it out mentally, or if it's just I have a bad memory. Who knows? But I don't remember uh my parents ever being together. Um all I remember is them not. It was supposed to be from what I can re remember is that um my dad was supposed to have us kids, it's me and my three siblings, um, supposed to have us like every weekend or every other weekend, however, their custody arrangement was um put out, and um I'm sure at first it was that way, but uh over time it just was farther and farther apart of when we actually saw him because I don't remember seeing my dad a lot, I don't remember my dad being around all that much. I do remember little bits and pieces of stuff, so I remember how um he had always lived with like a friend or somebody. And at one point, or maybe even more than one point, I remember he lived in his car for a while.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Um, if I remember correctly, I remember how he just yeah, he wasn't around.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

But I've always had that feeling like deep down in my heart, where it's like I wanted to have my dad. And my mom was a good mom, like, and we had my grandpa, who is my mom's dad, he was there for us like all the time, and I remember him just being probably the father figure that we needed in whatever. I mean, he was only around until I was uh I had just turned 16, like right before my grandpa had passed away, but yeah, grandpa was amazing, dad, not so much. So I think that that's where I got my anxious attachment style from. Um before, I don't think it I mean, I could have had a secure attachment before, who knows? I don't know if you know what you have when you're younger like that, whatever, but so the two relationships, which not even relationships, the two like guys that I've dated since breaking up with my daughter's dad, was the I had met this one guy who was uh like a relief um fill-in vendor or my one of my bread vendors. He would fill in for him when he was like on vacation, needed time off or sick or whatever reason. And um he always used like the same person. So this guy, according to my bread vendor, had a really big crush on me, and nothing ever like came of it because I was in a relationship, so I was like, whatever, I'm I'm with somebody, I've been with somebody for a very long time. We have a child together, like cool that somebody has a crush on me, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Um yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

After shortly after we had broken up, my vendor was like, So this guy still has a crush on you. Like he even sent me a screenshot of texting between them, and he was like, Yeah, he still talks about you and all this stuff, whatever. So I had seen that his phone number was in this screenshot. So I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna text him and be like, hey, what's up? So I did that, and he was very thrown off by it, which probably should have been a red flag to me. Because, like, who gets that weirded out by a girl like making a move to text you? And I mean, not even making a move. All it was was me texting him and saying, Hey, what's up? I got your number from Steve. What's up? And he was very weirded out by it for whatever reason. But he and I talked, texted, messaged, whatever, did that for a little bit, and then he um some of them were like stupid little things, where I was just like, oh yeah, that's I don't have that anyways. But then all of a sudden he was like, tattoos, tattoos are a deal breaker for me. And I was like, Oh, uh I know that you always saw me when I was at work, and so you didn't see a lot except for maybe one tattoo that I have on like my wrist. I was like, but I have tattoos, so I guess we'll just we'll leave it here, like whatever. Where if that's a deal breaker, I have tattoos, so whatever. And he still for some reason wanted to talk. That was probably supposed to be like another red flag for me to like just cut things off and run, but didn't do that. I like red flags, I guess. They're pretty. No, not really. So he had mentioned that, and then he was like, whatever. We still talked. Um, and then like a few weeks later, we went out on a date. We went to Red Robin. You know, that's fine. I don't care. I'm not somebody who needs like a fancy ass like date. I've actually have never been to like an extremely fancy restaurant ever in my life. Maybe someday somebody will take me out to one of those places, but I haven't been thus far in my 44 years of life. But yeah, so we go to Red Robin and he just talks about work the whole time. He talked about like doing like the bread. Doing the bread. That sounds hilarious. He d like it's like the stupidest thing. Like, why do I I know what you do? You go to stores, you bring your bread in, the bread, the buns, you get checked in, and then you fill it on the shelves. Take out the old stuff, get that scanned out. I know what it is, because I'm the one who checked people in. But then you would talk about who was the best and worst at different Lunds and Byerley stores, which was the store I worked at. Never once in these best or worst people, you know, but at least best people. Never once was I in that list of people. Which, hello, huge red flag. Like, if you're on a date and you're trying to impress somebody, like maybe you just like throw them a bone and be like, ooh, you're the best person. But like he could have even just said, like, oh, you're the best receiver.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

But no, not that.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

So didn't even that that wasn't a red flag enough for me. That was that must have been like pink to me. I thought it was pretty. Still talk to this guy afterwards, and then um I had actually did this like online thing to it was a contest to see if you could win a free uh boudoir shoot. I was like, oh, I've never done that before. That's that's cool. I actually won. The only thing that you had to pay for was the photos in the end. However, many photos you wanted is how like and what they charged for it. That's what you paid for. You didn't have to pay for like the whole session, that part of it was free. And um, so I did that, I won, did the contest, and I got uh I think like six photos or something from it, maybe five. Um that I got back like a few weeks later. So I sent like a couple of the pictures, which like you didn't see much, they were the less risque of them, I guess you could say. And I sent him one, and then I sent him another, and like he complimented them, was nice about it, whatever. And then I sent him a third one, which was a little bit more revealing, but didn't show like much at all. But that just like came back with like nothing. He didn't text me back at all, whatever. So after like five minutes, I was like, Oh damn, you really know how to make a girl feel really good about herself, lol. And then he sends me a text back right away, and he was like, So basically, I'm not attracted to you. I was like, okay, cool, you're an asshole. We're done. I immediately like deleted, blocked everything, like wanted nothing to do with this guy. I was like, no way am I going to let a guy like make me feel like shit when I felt like so amazing after this photo shoot, and then seeing the photos and whatever. I was like, nope, not gonna let this dill hole make me feel like that, whatever. So he was blocked, deleted, everything. Didn't talk to him ever again. Fast forward like a month, two months later, whatever, I um was on Facebook one day. There had just been like this huge storm that had come through Burnsville and knocked down like so many trees. And I remember there being this post from this guy, and he was like, Oh, hey Burnsville, I'm gonna be in your area if anybody needs help, um, like cutting the trees that have fallen and removing it. Like, I'll be in your area. Here's my phone number, text me, let me know. Send me a message, anything. Like, I'll come help out. And so I liked the post. I was like, oh, that's really nice of that guy. And then, like, a couple hours later, I got uh a Facebook message from this guy. And he was like, Hey, hey there, cutie.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

I was like, What the fuck? Didn't answer him back.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

A couple hours later, I get another message from him. Like of him waving, and he was like, Hey, what's up? How's it going? Didn't message him back. I was like, mm-mm, this guy looks like he's way too young. I don't need some guy on Facebook trying to pick me up through messages. And then the next day I get another message from him, and he was like, Hey, I just wanted to let you know that, like, I saw that you liked my post, and I thought that you're you're beautiful. I was like, messaged him back. I'm like, How old are you? And he said, I'm 25. And I said I I literally like laughed out loud because at the time I was 39 going on 40 because this was in September of 2021. And I said, ha ha, that's hilarious. I'm 39, about to be 40. And he was like, So I was like, dude, you're 15 years younger than me. He again said, so. So I was like, okay, whatever. He continued to like message me and like ask me questions, whatever. And over the next four and a half years, almost five years now, he and I had like messaged each other, Snapchat each other, whatever. He did eventually come over to my house. He eventually became like my friends with benefits. He was always in the mindset of like he was really messed up from his previous relationship. He had been with this girl since he was like 15, 16 years old. They were together for 10 years. And it wasn't too long before he had messaged me that they had actually broken up. So he was really messed up. And at first, of course, I was like, you know, this guy's lying, like trying to make me like believe his lie that, oh, he's not ready for a relationship. It's not you, it's me, blah blah blah. But over time, I actually like did learn, like, yeah, like guys who actually get like hurt when it comes to a relationship, it takes them like way longer than a woman to like get over it. I don't know what it is about it, but he was really fucked up from it, and it actually once I had learned it was because of him that I learned that I had this anxious attachment because of how we were to each other. I was an anxious attachment, he's an avoidant attachment. Which is, you know, just the best attachments to be with each other. Not really. But he and I would go back and forth where we would be talking to each other, and then after a while, one would delete the other, and we wouldn't talk for a month, two months, whatever. And then it was always him coming back to me, and that just went on for a few years. We're actually in that part right now where we're in no contact. Who knows if eventually he'll come back, whatever, but over the time that this has been a thing with him and I, I have downloaded, deleted, re-downloaded, deleted, whatever of dating apps. And I did this for a couple reasons. One, I absolutely hate online dating. I hate it. I I don't want somebody to go on and judge me by pictures or what that I'm saying. So, like, how am I going to do this to somebody else? Like, I have to judge who they are and if I want to like talk to them by their pictures and what they're saying. I don't know. It just seems weird to me and it's just stupid. I don't like it. But um a few weeks ago, when him and I went back into no contact again, I decided I was gonna download Hinge and uh Facebook dating. And with these two dating apps, I have like talked to a few guys here and there. The first guy on Facebook was like, he saw a picture of me with this ice cream cone that was like drooped over. That's how the girl gave it to me when I went to McDonald's and got an ice cream cone. It it's a hilarious picture. But he was like, Oh my god, that's gotta be the saddest ice cream cone I've ever seen. And I messaged him back and I was like, haha, yeah, it was really awkward the way that the girl handed it to me, but I thought it was really funny, so I had to take this picture. And then he messages back, Well, I hope it became erect after you licked it. And I was like, no. Delete. Unmatched with that guy. Like, seriously. The next guy said something about like, I don't even remember what the next guy said, but it's always like they message you and immediately turn it into something sexual. And it's like, no, that's not how you're going to get me. Like, do you wonder why you're still single? What women are off the bat being like, yeah, this guy, he is like he is the prize. The way that he talked to me like that, yeah, that turned me on. Definitely going for that guy. The next guy that like messaged me, oh, it was on Hinge. The first guy on Hinge that messaged me. Um, like he commented something on one of my pictures, and so I I commented back like whatever question he had asked me, I answered back, plus I commented something about what was on his profile. And then like later that day, or the next day, or something, maybe it was even two days later, I don't even remember. He messaged me and he was like, Oh, my phone's not like alerting me when I get messages on here. And I was like, Oh, well, that's too bad. And I was like, I don't actually get the alert that I had a message from here, unless I just look at the app icon and I see the little number showing me that there's a message or two or whatever. The only time I'm actually alerted to knowing is if I'm physically on my phone and like a little thing drops down saying, like, so-and-so sent you this message, and then he messages me back and he's like, Well, I do know that I get messages on my Snapchat. So here's my Snapchat. I know that I get messages on there because of my son, ha ha ha. And I was like, No, I'm not going to Snapchat you, thank you. So I immediately unmatched with that guy. And then I started um talking to this other guy. He and I, every time we talked, anytime I said something about myself, he was like, Oh, I've never done that before. I've never tried that before. I gotta do that, blah, blah, blah. And you'd probably think, like, oh, cool, like this guy wants to try new things. But to me, I just kept getting that vibe where it was like he just he's never done any of this stuff. I don't know. It seemed really weird to me. But I agreed to going out on a date with him. Then immediately after I said yes to going out on a date, and we like made our plans. I look again at his profile and I'm like, shit, this guy is 5'4. I am like 5'2, 5'3, and I was like, okay. Um, never really dated anybody who was my height, but we're gonna go with it and we're gonna see how the date goes. So we made our date to go to Doolittle's. I get there like before he does, so I'm waiting for him. He walks in and I see he's wearing some athletic like basketball shorts and a t-shirt, North Face t-shirt. And I'm like, cool. Thanks for making the effort for the first date here. Like, this guy was dressed up like we were gonna go play some sports, or we were like gonna hit the gym or something. I don't know. We were in an established relationship and we were just gonna like hang out. I don't know. It just yeah, so that killed the vibe right away. Plus the fact that he was my height. So we sit down, it took like 10 minutes to be seated, too, so that was cool. Um we sit down, have conversation. The conversation was okay, but it just all really felt like I was talking to somebody like a friend. I didn't get like any sort of connection with him at all. I do remember when we were looking at the menus trying to figure out what we were gonna order, that I could feel him staring at me, and I was like, oh, don't look up, don't look up, don't look up. I don't want our eyes to meet because I don't want him like thinking, ugh, yeah. I was like, nope, mm-mm. So yeah. Um, very end of the date, it was like two, it had been about two hours, and I was like, well, he like I hinted, like, it's probably time to go now. And he was like, So what do you got going on for the rest of the night? And I was like, Well, I think I'm just gonna go home, hang out, whatever. And he's like, Oh yeah, I got a call from one of my friends, and he wants to know if I want to go do an intervention on my brother. I was like, Oh, an intervention? He's like, Yeah, my brother's an alcoholic, and he wants to go do an intervention on him, try to get him to go to rehab, and I keep telling him, like, it's not gonna work unless he wants to get sober, and what I I was like, well, you know, I've dealt with few alcoholics in my life, and yes, that's true. Like, even if he goes and gets sober, he'll come out and not be sober anymore unless he wants to be. But cool. Just like thinking, how weird is it that you just met this person and they're telling you that kind of stuff. It just felt really weird to me. I was like, mm-hmm. And I am one who, if I'm feeling the vibe from somebody, I will definitely tell you all my my stuff. I'll trauma dump on you like nothing. It'll be like I'm telling you how the weather is. But I just, I don't know, something about this guy. I was just like, nah. So even when we were standing, we finally made it outside, and I'm trying to walk to my car to leave, and he's still talking to me about books and blah blah blah. And like I just kept getting the feeling like this guy's trying to hug me, and I'm trying to avoid it. And I'm sure that he finally just like got the hint that how I was acting, so he was just like, okay. I was like, right, so thanks for dinner, have a good night, whatever. Immediately get in the car, FaceTime my bestie, and I'm like, girl, this guy is a big no. I will not be going on a second date, third, fourth, nothing, no other dates with this guy at all.

SPEAKER_00 35:19

And yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:24

So I stopped at Dairy Queen, so I'm like, I deserve a nice treat. I'm gonna go home to nobody. Which was literally true because my daughter was actually at her dad's for the night, so I literally was going home alone. So I stopped, got some Dairy Queen, went home, and while I'm sitting there watching TV about an hour later, he this guy sends me a message, and he's like, So I didn't really feel a connection that I was looking for, and like I wish you the best. I hope you find your person, and blah blah blah. And so I was like, oh sweet, like he said it so I didn't have to. That's cool with me. So I was like, you know what? Same. I felt the exact same way, and I same to you, like, good luck on finding your future person. And then like shortly after that, he unmatched me. Cool. So then I'm like, ugh, like, is this how like it's gonna be with these dumb dating apps, whatever, and talk to a couple guys here and there, but it mostly it's like me Xing them because I'm like, no, no, no, no, you don't look like I want you to look, and which sounds really weird, but whatever. So I um just the other day get a message on Hinge from this guy, and he was like, Oh my god, you're hot with like a fire emoji, and I was like, Okay, we'll try to give him a chance, whatever. And I said, Thank you. He messages back something like, No, really, you're hot, blah blah blah. And like we messaged each other back and forth, uh, a couple things here and there, just like asking questions about each other. He had been divorced for a year now, was in like a long relationship with his um daughter's mother. So they've been divorced for about a year or yeah, a year now. His daughter is nine, I believe he said. But like then he sends me a message and he's saying something about like he just wants a girl with hips and hair he can pull, and I'm just like, oh my god, again, like we're not there yet. Like, you have to like read the room, dude. Like, oh these guys, they just don't read the room. And I actually I I showed my my friend Jess the messages today, and she was like, she saw his pictures, and she was like, uh-uh. She's like, this guy looks like she said he looked like one of my exes from like long time ago, like my teens and my twenties, and I was like, ooh, like yeah, I can kind of see that. And she's like, she reads the messages that we had back and forth, and she's like, nope, nope, nope. Like, this guy is not for you. But I'm like, okay, I'll trust her. And I haven't heard from the guy all weekend. He did say something about how he has his daughter like Tuesdays, Thursdays, and then every other weekend. So maybe this is the weekend that he has his daughter. So maybe he's one kind of person that doesn't like message when he has his daughter. I don't know. Whatever. I don't care. So I guess we're just not gonna talk to him. The bestie says that he's not for me, so he's not for me. And like I said before, I do pick the wrong guys, so I have to listen to my friends more when it comes to like this is the person I'm talking to. What is your vibe? And then go off of that. Because some people just have better judgment than I do when it comes to to guys. So that is my my dating life so far. It's very, very exciting. I do get a couple guys here and there, like they they like your picture or they like send you like whatever message, and then they never talk to you again. It's like, oh cool.

SPEAKER_00 40:31

So not really know what I'm supposed to do with that.

SPEAKER_01 40:38

I think I'm just going to have to be single for the rest of my life or something, who knows?

SPEAKER_00 40:47

No.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

I'll I'll soon if not soon, eventually I will find that person. The person that I'm looking for, they're gonna be the right one for me, and I'm gonna be the right one for them. We'll both love each other after an appropriate amount of time of being together to fall in love. Until then. If you know any single guys, go ahead and send them my way.

SPEAKER_00 41:24

If they're good and age appropriate and just hook a girl up, you know? Well, I think that's it for this week.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

Next week maybe I'll talk about my job hunt thus far, since I've been employed for five, six months now, whatever, and I'm actually gonna soon in the next couple of weeks here I go and do my arbitration hearing. So maybe we'll be talking about that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 42:12

Stay tuned. Um, hope you liked this episode.

SPEAKER_01 42:18

Had some laughs. Who knows? If there's anything else that you want to know, shoot me a message. I'm on Facebook, Instagram, just look up Emily McCann and I'm there.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

Um otherwise I'll see you next week. Thanks for tuning in. Bye.