Unveiling Trauma: The Path to Authenticity with Elizabeth Ormes

Trauma-Informed Healing for High Achievers: Polyvagal Tools, Burnout, and Authentic Growth with Elizabeth Ormes

Connie Warden interviews licensed clinical professional counselor Elizabeth Ormes, who has 28 years’ experience and owns Actualizing Your Best Self, working primarily with high achievers struggling with burnout, perfectionism, and disconnection. Ormes explains her level two trauma professional certification as extensive continuing study to better serve trauma survivors, and describes SSP (Safe and Sound Protocol) and RRP (Rest and Restore Protocol), sound-frequency tools based on Dr. Stephen Porges’ polyvagal theory that support nervous system regulation and help clients feel safe enough to go deeper in therapy. She shares a case example of an Ivy League–educated lawyer who, after months using SSP and RRP with therapy, became less catastrophizing and more attuned to bodily needs. They discuss common signs overachievers need help, the “sandwich generation,” brain maturation near age 30, and parting encouragement to seek support, stay curious, and embrace authenticity, including Ormes’ July 17 virtual Independent Women’s Conference appearance.

Learn more about Elizabeth on her Website, Linkedin, YouTube, Instagram 

00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro

02:00 Trauma Certification Explained

04:38 Polyvagal Tools SSP RRP

09:08 Client Success Story

11:32 When High Achievers Hit a Wall

13:00 Life in the Sandwich Generation

17:01 Letting Loved Ones Choose

21:52 Shedding Layers and Greatness

22:33 Hopeful Parting Advice

25:28 Conference Plug and Closing 

Check out my website

Transcript

Connie 0:04

Hello, and welcome to another episode of Mindful Kindful Living, where story by story, heart by heart, this is how we make the world a little kinder. mindfully with intention and authenticity, even when life gets messy. Today's guest is Elizabeth Ormes. Now, she has spent the last 28 years as a licensed clinical professional counselor. She helps people stop just surviving and start actually living their best selves. She's the owner of Actualizing Your Best Self, and she works mostly with high achievers. You know the people that look like they got it all on the outside, but in the inside they're maybe burnt out A lot of them are stuck on perfectionism or disconnected from what they really need. So Elizabeth blends Talk therapy with somatic healing and trauma-informed work. And she's a level two trauma professional, which would love to hear more about that, and a certified domestic violence professional, and we're gonna learn more what this means, SSP and RRP practitioner. And she's also a fierce advocate for authenticity and women's empowerment. Please welcome Elizabeth Ormes.

Elizabeth 1:38

Thank you for having me, Connie. I so appreciate you highlighting me today, but also, allowing me on your platform to talk about how can we all be more kindful, mindful in our living. It's an important topic that I think we need people to be

Connie 1:59

Yeah. Thank you. Can you explain level two trauma professional? What does that mean?

Elizabeth 2:05

So a, a lot of therapists, which as a licensed therapist we are all about being better professionals. We're required by state licensers to take lots of classes, continue education. And so one of the things that, since I work with survivors of domestic violence, of foster care, abuse and neglect changes in, extreme changes in identity with people, that's a trauma. And I always want to be looking for more information how to better serve my clients. And the level two certification, uh, demonstrates that commitment. It means that I've spent numerous hours in study to better learn from other experts in the field on what they're doing, interventions, approaches different methods and modalities of just reaching clients who've experienced trauma to better help them. There's no one lane, so to speak, to healing. There's no one way that works for everyone. We're all unique. So that certification is just a way to sh- to show people I take this seriously, and I am always looking for more to better help my clients.

Connie 3:33

Yeah. This is an interesting aspect of counseling now and psychotherapy. And I remember I saw some research that they did, and it was why people, some people get back surgery and they do fine, and other people don't. And one of the things they found out was those people that have traumas, for a long history of trauma, and I found that very interesting. I think we could go on a whole nother podcast with that.

Elizabeth 4:04

I, I'm not familiar with that one and it, I definitely have some immediate thoughts that pop into my head when you say that. I'm just like- Oh,

Connie 4:11

okay

Elizabeth 4:11

Hmm, I wonder this, I wonder that," there- the trauma is not, no- trauma is not one thing for everyone, right? So, you know, that... I find that information very intriguing. You've just sparked my, my, my geeky nerd hat to, like, pop up and go, "Ooh, what? Let me- let me research that. Let me find out more."

Connie 4:36

That's so cool. I'm so glad you're on. Tell us what SSP and RRP mean.

Elizabeth 4:42

So SSP and RRP are specific tools that have been developed. They're based on the work of Dr. Stephen Porges, um, who has created the polyvagal theory. So- polyvagal theory basically says that, we have an overactivation of our nervous system. Life has triggered our fight and flight, our sympathetic response, and we get stuck in that. So trauma really is this part of it is a learned physiological aspect. There's other books and research on, how our body retains the trauma memory and continues to, even long after the experience is over we're primed for being in that state. And SSP and RRP are particular treatment supports. So Safe and Sound Protocol, SSP, and RRP, Rest and Restore Protocol. So if you know the nervous system what those stand for is, when we are in our parasympathetic or our sympathetic states, sympathetic meaning fight and flight, parasympathetic meaning we're in our dorsal vagal state, we should be rest and restoring. We should be able to connect with others. We should be being able to live a very calm and centered life. However, if we've been too activated, too long in our sympathetic state and we're hypervigilant for threat we're disconnected from our body and ourselves, and thus not able to well connect with others- If we need, we may need something more. Dr. Porges found that certain sound frequencies, I think this goes back to our, our ancient healing practices, right? Of, sound is such a healing tool. It's been used in Eastern and alternative medicine and holistic medicine for thousands of years. He found certain frequencies really help to open up and people to, to the possibility. So one of the things that trauma professionals have found is that even all the tools, everything that we're doing, the client would still struggle to connect in the therapy space to let go of that need to be protective. And so Safe and Sound Protocol is was developed to really open up people to feeling that sense of safety. So the sounds that they're hearing when they listen to the music really resonate on a frequency that is universal to people. And it, it really allows the work to go further. Rest and Restore Protocol is more of like when you need to reconnect with your senses. You're struggling, maybe you have a sensitivity to light or an over-sensitivity to sound difficulty sleeping. They found that these, this other frequency, this other listening really helped people with that aspect. So I bring both in. Many of my clients need both. They need particularly the SSP in order to really be able to bridge that space in therapy of, we're building rapport, we're building connection. We're wanting to, use their time and my time to work on the, the connection piece, the healing piece. And so they've listened to the SSP, and then we do the therapy session. We're able to get deeper. We're able to get further in the work. Not that we can bypass building rapport, building, personal connection but it just is that add on, that little bit extra to boost that the work that we're doing.

Connie 8:48

Wow. That reminds me of a quote at my chiropractor's office, and it says, "You can't be both in the state of protection and growth." Like transformation. And that really hit me. That's just like, wow, you can't do both. And so that's what you're saying. How do we get you from... Okay, I really like that. By the way, do you have any stories that you could share in regards... about how somebody went from this state to a growth state because the whatever.

Elizabeth 9:20

I'm immediately thinking of one of my clients who would be considered a very high functioning individual lawyer graduated from an Ivy League school. On the surface, looks like they have it all together, But underneath was really struggling with just connecting to his own body, what his own body was trying to tell him struggling to connect with family and dealing with, you know, all the myriad of difficulties that can bring being able to accept themselves as a success. They constantly saw things as they weren't good enough or the threat of, not Their boss not liking what they, you know, the brief or they were always on edge, right? And from the last- Eight months of starting off first with the SSP and then incorporating the RRP into the work that we're doing, you can really see, physically see, but also, hear in what they're saying the change. They're able to expand that understanding of, yeah, wait, this isn't a catastrophe. This isn't, doom and gloom. I am able... oh, my body's trying to tell me this. I'm trying to push and it's telling me to rest. We were just talking the other day about the the effects of going to court and how stressful that is on everyone involved the lawyers, the judges and how, afterwards so many, go back to their office and play, Tetris or something, or they go onto the golf course to play a round of golf, right? Because the body says, "You've just done something incredibly stressful. You need to do something completely opposite. Let that mental load go." And it was just, an, uh, epiphany for him of like, oh, that's why I feel better when I listen to this after I've done that.

Connie 11:32

What would you say then the first sign that your clients get, 'cause you work with a lot of overachievers. What would be... Is there something very common that happens that, for this person to go, "Oh I need to reach out and get some help. Whatever I'm doing isn't working"?

Elizabeth 11:51

Typically they hit that wall of exhaustion, the fatigue that won't leave them, they're less patient with, friends and family. They find themselves, in a state of constant busyness as- Mm-hmm as opposed to, like, doing meaningful, purposeful things. They'll talk about, I couldn't even make myself dinner," or, "I, just had enough energy to get the kids to bed and then I was just mindlessly scrolling on my phone for hours afterwards." And that was, you know, they're saying to themselves, "There's something more. There's something I'm missing and I don't want to live this way." They know that there's something else out there, and they've tried different things. They'll put together different, ideas, and it doesn't all come together the way that they're anticipating. So they're like, "I need to go outside of myself," even though that's a really scary thing to do, and ask for, some help and some guidance.

Connie 12:58

All right. I'm gonna switch things here because I want you to talk, 'cause you talk about being in the sandwich generation. And you're a part of that, so you kinda have to talk to yourself and look in the mirror sometimes, right?

Elizabeth 13:14

People are starting to talk about it more, but it wasn't something that I was really aware of until I kind of hit this plateau i'm in my mid-50s almost and my kids are just in that, that launching phase, right? They're not littles anymore. They're, fully capable of getting themselves, to bed and take a bath and feeding themselves. They're young adults. They're emerging adults. And then I have my parents in their 80s who they're slowing down. They're not... the processes that were so quick for them of taking care of themselves, of understanding what to do next they're needing more and more support. So I have on the one side these, my, my two beautiful children who are, they're starting to be more capable, and my parents who are still capable, but it's a little bit less, and wanting to be there for both my kids and my parents and then figuring out not to put myself last and not to make me whatever's left over.

Connie 14:28

Yeah. And I'm sure you had to come to that like going, "This isn't working. This is..." You know? And those kids, they still need your advice. They still need guidance,

Elizabeth 14:39

Oh, sure and- My kids are in, uh, my son will be 21, and my daughter just turned 18. We I think when I was going through graduate school in the late '90s, I mean, we talked about, the brain, you know, brain maturing around 24, 25, and then it was like, okay, no, research really says it's like 27, 28. And now it's like, oh, 29, 30, right? The, this idea of developmentally we kind of hit this like, okay, we've c- gathered everything. Um, but that's still, it's a yes and a no, right? Like, we know that we still grow. Our brain still is, capable of change and growth as long as we're l- living, right? But knowing that they're young and they're just, they're not always making the decisions the way that somebody or themselves would a, a decade later.

Connie 15:41

Yeah. And you told an interesting story about, Well, first of all, I just want to go back to the brain really doesn't fully develop till close to 30?

Elizabeth 15:52

Yeah. That's what the science, the research shows, is that maturity the maturation of like processes and, cementing of developmental stages. You know, these are, this is that research of like, okay, we're still taking in, we're still like building the building the blocks of what it is. But a- again, we also on the other hand have neuroplasticity. We know that just because, you learned to do something or the absence was what you grew up with doesn't mean that you can't change. I mean, I'm a therapist. If I didn't believe that change was possible at any age, I mean, that would be a sad, sad day for me, right? Like, I believe- Mm-hmm that with the right s- tools and resources people can change if that's what they're desiring. If their desire is to make some alterations in how they're acting and what their life is like, any age

Connie 17:00

That's really cool. I wanted to address something you had mentioned about, your dad. And your kids. Uh, you got your parents, and you've got your kids, and sometimes they're not making the wisest decisions, and you can't do anything about it, right? They have to live it. They have to make their own consequences. Like, ki- um, you know, kids are gonna do. Like your dad, you mentioned that you said, "Here's all the questions you need to ask your doctor." And he's like, "Okay, but I'm not gonna do that." How frustrating that is.

Elizabeth 17:33

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, therapists, we have our emotions, too. I mean, it was, it was one of those moments where my dad and I had a conversation a few weeks before, and I've go- started to go to some of his appointments. Um, I've also, the modern age is a wonderful thing where you can directly message if, all the permissions are there, you can message with the doctors. But, you know, we'd had this conversation of, like, "I need you to ask about this 'cause, you know, it's a concern, the amount of pain that you're in and, and the pain medications and, he didn't wanna just do his own research, so he told me. He wanted to talk to his doctor about it. I'm like that's fine, you trust your doctor. He's been a great, you know, resource for you." And he told me he was gonna do it. And then it come to the day of the appointment and I, I called to actually talk about something else and was like, "Okay, you're, you're ready to go. You got your list of questions, like, what you're gonna ask?" "Well, what do you mean?" The conversation that we had a couple weeks ago about you were gonna ask, you know, your doctor about, these alternative things and he was just like, "Oh, yeah, I went online. I went on the internet and I, and the articles, you know, what they said I don't want that. I don't want that side effect or whatever." And I'm like- Deep sigh, right? Like, I really should have taken the deep sigh. I didn't, 'cause I was like, "Oh my gosh, Dad, what do you mean you're not gonna do this? How..." You know, like in that moment I was just like, "Ugh," but he lives three hours away. I can't get in my car to go to the appointment with him and be there to be like, "Okay, Doc, you know, like, this is the issue. This is the concern." I was so frustrated in that moment of like- and I just was like, "Fine. Do what you want. It's your life, you're an adult." And it's true. I mean, it's his life. If he wants to make that choice, I mean, as much as it's not the choice that I would make, it's his choice, and I have to step back and go, "Okay." You know? So I just have to get off the phone and go take a walk and do some breaths and realize, "Woo."

Connie 20:01

Yeah. It, uh... I have a friend who she really wants her husband to eat better. And he just won't, and you just gotta let it go. Mm-hmm. You know? A- as, as hard as it is. Um, or your adult children, you know, making decisions. It's like, that's gonna be a dumb financial situa- uh, dumb decision, but, you know,

Elizabeth 20:27

Yeah. I keep reminding myself when, Both my children still live at home. My daughter just graduated this year from high school and will be attending the junior college, and my son is attending the junior college as well, and he's going into the trades. He's gonna be a welder. And my daughter wants to be a zoologist and, you know, I keep looking at what they're doing, and I'm like that's not the way I would do it." And then I put myself I say, "Stop looking at them from this perspective, this 52, almost 52-year-old perspective. Remember when you were their age and you were in college, and what were the things that you were doing? How many... If you look back, how many times?" I'm, I'm, h- you know, like, it's both hands. It's, you know, like, okay, we, we did that. Yep. Oh, yeah, we did that. Oh, wow, I remember doing that. That did not work out so well for me, right? And I just go, "Okay, I survived it." Those were my learning experiences. As much as I would love to just c- put all of that knowledge into my children and have them not have to experience some of those things themselves, that's not the way life works. They have to go through it themselves.

Connie 21:51

Yeah. Yeah. I want to get to this. You ended your bio with this line, "The change of process isn't about becoming someone else or somebody different. It's about shedding the layers of who you- you've been told to be so you can live, breathe, and thrive as the person you already are," which I love, love, love. And that I love this, "And that we're all meant for greatness."

Elizabeth 22:17

Mm-hmm.

Connie 22:19

So what could you give someone listening right now who's maybe struggling to believe in themselves? What would you... What would be some good parting words?

Elizabeth 22:33

Sure. It, I would say that you're not alone. That's, the first thing, is that sometimes we get really feeling very isolated right now. As much as we're, you know, in this connected society with all this technology, people don't take off their mask very often to show themselves, their real authentic self the vulnerabilities. Um, so we get this belief that I must be the only one feeling this way," or, everybody else has it easier than me," and it's, it's just not true. And so I would say you found Connie's Podcast for a reason. You're looking for ways to really develop for yourself to be more kindful and mindful. Keep striving for that. There's hundreds of different ways to get to that point for yourself. If something doesn't feel right, then it's not right for you. But keep searching. There are things that will support you. Talk, go to conferences, go to events, be around people. Open yourself up to that possibility. Embrace the hope that comes from knowing that you are meant for greatness, that just because you, you've created this shell around yourself to protect yourself, y- you're ready to emerge, right? It's like the, um, when, you know, some of our other organisms in our world, they go into those cocoons and they, transform within it, and then they emerge- Mm into this butterfly, right? You know, I, I wish humans were not, our brains were not so complex at times, right? That we could just let go and let the transformation happen, and trust in the process. Because when you emerge and you're that beautiful butterfly, the butterfly doesn't care that they went through this huge transformational process. They don't dwell on the fact that they had to go through all of that to emerge into this. So keep searching, there's so many great people out there that want you to, to- Find yourself, right? I mean, people like, like yourself, Connie, who have this podcast it's not really for you, it's for your audience. It's for reaching people to show them, "Look, I thought I had it all together. I've, I've been reading your book, Speeding to Compassion," right? And I'm just like yep, I've been there. Oh, I know that moment," you know? And I've been the mom in the car with the, with the scared teenager too, right? And like, I know both sides of it, right? And like July 17th, I'm gonna be speaking at a independent women's conference, and, you know, it's a virtual event, and I encourage people to take a look at it. Maybe it's right for you to attend that. You know, I grew up- So say- Yeah?

Connie 25:42

Yeah, tell me again. July 17th, it's a women's conference?

Elizabeth 25:46

Yeah, it's called Independent Women's Conference. It's kind of a... It's set, like the host is on the Pacific coast. And so I think it's 10:00 to 4:00 Pacific Time, something like that, 9:00, 9:00 to 5:00.

Connie 26:02

Okay. Well, we'll put that in the show notes- so that, if you're out there and you're interested in growing and expanding.

Elizabeth 26:08

Mm-hmm.

Connie 26:08

And I will tell you, I'm in my 60s now, and I still am learning and growing and transforming. And so these conferences are always good.

Elizabeth 26:21

Yeah. It, you just have to be... I keep telling people, Don't compare yourself to other people." compare yourself to the person you were yesterday, and strive to be the person that you wanna be tomorrow." That's it. That's all you have to do. Mm. Other people, their journeys, don't worry about them. It's just you. If you don't like where you're sitting today, you have, absolutely have the power to make that difference for yourself tomorrow.

Connie 26:55

Yeah, and so many different ways to do that. You know, like y- your background with the body somatic stuff, the therapies, the talk, there's so many things. It could be qigong. It could be tai chi. It could be like this wonderful chiropractor, network pri- chiropractor that I go to, and so yeah, lots of cool things out, and be, stay curious. Stay curious about that.

Elizabeth 27:17

Stay curious. Pick one thing. Try it out. See if that's what's gonna help you. And maybe it is, and maybe there's something more that you need to do after you've focused in on that. But just pick one thing. Yeah. Pick one thing to do for yourself today different than what you did yesterday.

Connie 27:38

thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your heart. So until next time, be mindful of yourself, kindful with others, and gentle with the beautiful imperfect self that you are, because story by story, heart by heart, this is how we make the world a little kinder. Thank you again, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth 28:06

Thank you, Connie.