Guiding the Next Generation: Danielle Warden’s Journey in Education

Teaching with Heart: Trauma-Informed Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence with Danielle Warden

Host Connie Warden welcomes listeners to the Mindful Kindful podcast and interviews her daughter-in-law, Danielle Warden, a certified classroom teacher with nearly two decades of experience, a mother of four, and a passionate advocate for social emotional learning and trauma-informed teaching. Danielle explains trauma-informed teaching as understanding the whole child and being mindful of how expectations, tone, and reactions affect students. She shares how pausing to consider what lies beneath behavior helps bridge the gap between intent and impact, and emphasizes restorative “repair” through apology and relationship-building to cultivate trust. Danielle recounts classroom practices like check-ins, student sharing, and writing to process strong emotions, highlighting the importance of validating feelings. She recommends The Anxious Generation and The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, and outlines a practical framework: notice, pause, choose, repair, and begin again.

00:00 Welcome to Mindful Kindful

00:38 Meet Danielle Warden

01:42 What Trauma Informed Means

03:00 Intent vs Impact in Moments

06:31 Repair and Restorative Practices

07:54 Camping Story with Luna

10:40 Classroom Trauma Check In

13:18 Writing It Out to Reset

16:22 Books That Shaped Danielle

18:11 Notice Pause Choose Repair

22:08 Begin Again Closing Thoughts 

Check out my website

Transcript

Connie 0:00

Welcome to the Mindful Kindful podcast, where story by story, heart by heart, this is how we make the world a kinder place. I'm Connie Warden, the host of this podcast, and, the, author of Speeding To Compassion, which is how actually this all started. So if you're new here, go ahead and check out the trailer and see how this podcast started. It's about two and a half minutes. So welcome. Uh, and this is a podcast where we really talk about how to really bring compassion and mindfulness to real life. And so today's guest is somebody who's very near and dear to me. This is my daughter-in-law, Danielle Warden. Hello. Yes. Totally grateful for our relationship. I brought her on because she's got great, ability to teach children emotional intelligence. But let me get through this bio here. Okay. So Danielle has been working with children and families for nearly two decades. She started at 18 and is now entering her 12th year as a certified classroom teacher, with experience spanning preschool all the way to middle school. She's also a mama of four, with kids ranging from two to nine years old, Danielle's passion is social emotional learning, and trauma informed teaching, which again, love to hear more about that. So she is helping children not just learn academics, but learn how to navigate their feelings, their relationships, and with the world. So please welcome Danielle Warden.

Danielle W 1:38

Hello. Thanks for having me.

Connie 1:41

Yeah. Well, first, what is trauma informed teaching?

Danielle W 1:46

So just in a quick blanket kind of way of describing it, it's really just being aware that all of our students have things going on in their lives, and it may have impacted them to some degree. And so really everything we do, being mindful of how we say things, what we do, our expectations, how those students may react or respond. Um, so it's really just trying to make sure that we're, we know the whole child. It's not just about the academics. It's about more than that.

Connie 2:21

Yeah. And, um, you do h- have a story in regards to that. Do you wanna share that?

Danielle W 2:29

Which story?

Connie 2:30

Oh, right. Well, it was, I think you were saying, 'cause I asked a question about how do you, um, bring mindfulness into- Oh. Mm-hmm yeah. Okay. And you had... Yeah.

Danielle W 2:42

Yeah, so it really was more of, like, a combination. I was thinking about specific stories, and then I realized, you know what? I think it's more powerful to think of the fact that it's something that happens all the time. Uh-huh.

Connie 2:54

Yeah. Well, it was your tr- you were talking to the person, the student- Oh, yes and then you realized.

Danielle W 2:59

Uh-huh.

Connie 2:59

Yes.

Danielle W 2:59

Okay.

Connie 2:59

Okay.

Danielle W 3:00

So a kid, you know, when you, when you get a kid that is often just kind of stuck, not doing, refusing to do any work or whatever. Um, when I first started teaching, um, this happened more often, and as I continued teaching, I got better at it. It still happens. So there's plenty of times when a student, um, is just not doing something that I start to become frustrated, and then I respond a lot, like, more sharply or kind of intense, I guess you could say, than I really intended. Um, and in the moment, because I'm so frustrated, that just seems like the right way to respond, 'cause I've asked multiple times, the student's not doing what my expectation was. I feel like I laid everything out perfectly clear, and so I just kind of, I guess, snap, so to speak And usually when I've done that in the past, and even still now, but not as much, I often find later that I'm reflecting on that interaction and realizing that I may not have responded in the best way. Um, it- while my expectation might have been reasonable, my response was really focused on the behavior rather than thinking about what's happening underneath. So the same thing happens in parenting, right? We've all been- Yeah a parent where we just want our kids to do something, or we want them to put their shoes on because we need to get out the door, and they're taking a long time, and we're like, "Just go. Come on. What's going on?" You know, it's easy to become frustrated and to react more strongly in those situations, and that goes back to how our brain works. Um, we just kind of go to that reptilian state of mind. It's that automatic response. Um, so in both teaching and parenting, I'm learning to pause, to ask myself, "What's happening underneath all of this behavior?" Um, maybe the student didn't sleep well. That happens often. Maybe they didn't get breakfast. Maybe my own child is really tired, um, overwhelmed, or oftentimes at a younger age, the transition piece is really a challenge for those kids, so transitioning in general can be something that they're struggling with. So those moments are really what have taught me the difference between intent and impact. So while my intent- Mm of what I was trying to get them to do or what I... when I said something, the intent was one thing. The impact was different. So my intention might have been to motivate, to redirect, to teach responsibility, or to, get out of the door on time because we're gonna be late. But while that might be my intention, that doesn't necessarily mean that my words or my tone had the impact that I intended. I can have those good intentions and still recognize that the way I responded may have made my child or a child, a student, feel embarrassed, dismissed, or even misunderstood. So acknowledging the impact does not mean that I'm abandoning my expectation or saying that my expectation doesn't matter. It just means that I'm taking responsibility, for how I communicated it.

Connie 6:24

So, um, I'm just... I want really good concrete stuff. Pausing.

Danielle W 6:29

Mm-hmm.

Connie 6:29

Reflecting.

Danielle W 6:31

Mm-hmm.

Connie 6:31

Uh, and then you said that you will sometimes go back and say, I apologize for the way I s- said it," or, uh... Is that what you're saying?

Danielle W 6:40

Yeah. So, so that's the next piece, right? When, when we respond or we re- react in a way that we later realize, or in the moment realize, "That was not the way that I wanted to," um, we have to repair. Mm-hmm. And so that's a lot of stuff in the schools that I work in, too, that we work on. some people call it restorative practices. It's also that trauma informed thing, right? It's all about we wanna keep that connection and that relationship strong, so we have to repair the damage that we made. And it could be as simple as just saying, "That was not my intention. I can see that how I said that affected you. I could have handled that better." And then you work to repair that relationship. So that could be, like, forward, what can I do to better help you?" Or things like that. So, yeah, it's really about being vulnerable, I guess, in a way. Like, you have to take ownership. And really with younger kids, you have to be a model, and being a model does not mean that you're doing it perfect all the time. It means that in those moments where you're making mistakes, you're owning the mistake and showing how to move forward from that mistake.

Connie 7:54

curiously enough, I had a sit-in with Luna when we were camping. and what I'm gonna get to is how you see the kids when you say, "I made a mistake, I meant to do this," and see what happens to their spirits, and to them. And because Luna thought I... Luna's one of her daughters, and we were camping, and she thought I left her. and then we went paddleboarding. And when I got back to the campground, she was tearing. I mean, she had tears. she thought I left her and didn't go play. And I'm like, "Oh, no, honey, I went to go... I went to go get the paddleboard and bring it back. and the tent that we set up, I didn't know if the wind took it across the lake. And so my whole intention was going there to pack up." And she just, like, totally relaxed and, and then, and because my heart was f- so hurt to see those big old alligator tears coming out of her eyes. So do you see that with kids?

Danielle W 8:52

I think, when I acknowledge that I made a mistake, you know, when I pause and realize from their point of view how it could've been interpreted, the impact, I guess you could say, and I acknowledge that, I often find that that's one small moment that starts building that trust with a student. I think a lot of times students, and even kids, they have this mindset, this belief that an adult is the all-knowing and adult, the adult's always right, which is not the case. Yes, respect, respect your elders, however. and that, that they... So when I, when I apologize to them or kind of say, "You know, I did not mean that," you know, "I was just frustrated. You know, we need to work together to figure out how we can move forward. I want you to be successful," they usually have this moment in their face, not all kids, but certain kids, and this tells me a lot, like, shock.

Connie 9:50

Mm-hmm

Danielle W 9:51

they don't quite believe that I'm admitting that I made a mistake. And after that moment of shock and they kind of take it in, I think that that's the small window you get. It's like a little opening. They're like, "Okay, maybe I can put a little more trust in you." And that's really what this also helps, is building that trust, and there's that idea of you wanna be trusting and also trustworthy.

Connie 10:19

Mm.

Danielle W 10:20

So by sharing that I'm sorry, I'm trusting that they will appreciate that, that they will accept that, And for them, hopefully they're starting to feel that I'm trustworthy And then I'm also giving them the opportunity to show me that they are trustworthy.

Connie 10:37

Ah, yeah. Well, that's really cool.

Danielle W 10:38

So it's like a two-way street, right?

Connie 10:40

one of the stories I remember, and you weren't even a teacher yet, I think you were interning, and you were frustrated with a group of kids, if you remember this story, I'm not sure what age they were, but you finally sat them all down, and you said, "I want you to tell me what's going on in your world." and one person I think said, "You know, my parents lied to me about my grandma, that she died, and they lied to me." And everyone went around, and there was so much compassion Everyone had so much more compassion. Tell me more about that story, because-

Danielle W 11:13

I do actually remember that. This was a particular class I taught. This was, like, my fourth year teaching. And this was a particularly difficult class, but they are also one of the most impactful classes I had. and there were just a lot of students with different types of trauma. And like you said, we were just struggling. and I remember sitting them all down and I told them, "You don't have to share if you don't want to." But some kids were brave enough to share. And once a few started sharing, more started sharing, and we took that opportunity to say, "Okay, we all clearly have things going on in our lives, and those things in our lives impact how we're feeling," right? and how we're feeling then impacts our behavior, and the behavior impacts our learning as well as the learning of those around us. So while acknowledging that we have this going on, how can we come into this classroom and make this a space where we understand we all have challenges, but we all wanna be here and be in a safe space where we can learn and grow together? now, I'd love to say that that one conversation just changed everything and everything was just smooth as butter. that class in particular, I would say at minimum once a week we just had to stop what we were doing and do different things where it's just, like, a check-in or, "What's going on? How's it going?" they would get mad about certain things- And I remember one time, I think we had, like, a fire drill or something, and we had to go out, and then when we came back, there were some things that just really upset them. I just remember a lot of them were very upset. And, and as we all know, you know, when we're around certain energy, if it's really strong, it can be very impactful. And that class was a very, I guess you could say empathetic class. Like, when there were strong feelings, a lot of them began to feel that And I knew in that moment there was no way we were gonna get any learning done. So I had them all just pull out paper, and I said, "Just, you're upset. You're feeling a lot of things. You're frustrated, or y- maybe you are like, 'I don't understand why some people are mad.' I just want you to write down whatever you're thinking right now. Just write it out." And I'd say about 10 minutes, I mean, I remember every single kid writing. Even my students that writing was a very big challenge, they only ended up having maybe one or two sentences, but they wrote something. so then after that, I said, "Now, you don't have to, but is there anyone that wants to share what they wrote?" I had one girl who said, I share, is it okay if I curse?"

Connie 14:03

I love that.

Danielle W 14:04

And-

Connie 14:05

What did you say?

Danielle W 14:06

So I told her, "Okay, well, while we know cursing is not necessarily, something that we promote in schools, because this is about your feelings, and if you're using it as a means to get your emotions out, and it's writing, if everyone in here says that they're okay with it, and, what we say in here stays in here, what we learn in here can leave, then that's fine." some of the kids are like, "Miss, we hear it all the time at home." So she went up, and, that was one of those moments where I'm like, "Oh, I don't know if I should have allowed this," but at the end when she was done, it was almost as if you could visually see, a weight lift off of her shoulders. And a lot of the kids, like, they were, like, nodding their head and whatnot. and then after that, I said, "Okay, we wrote out our feelings. Some of us shared them out loud. We got them out. Now let's crumple up the papers, throw them away, acknowledge that we felt this, but now it's time to move on." and I think that really helped them just as a way to feel validated. I think it's very easy for adults to dismiss the feelings of younger people, just anyone younger. "Oh, I know more, so, you know, you don't need to feel that way. Why are you upset? That's ridiculous." But really, all of us, when it comes down to it, we all want to feel validated, and the way we feel is the way we feel. There's nothing right or wrong about it. it's just a matter of working through those emotions and kind of figuring out how to move forward.

Connie 15:41

Well, and so you're bringing beautiful, the kids into this world because of what you do, and that's why I wanted to have you on here. And also, oh my God, my grandchildren. They get to have her as their mother. And, you know, because this journaling, you know, out my feelings for, as an adult is so important to me.

Danielle W 16:02

Mm-hmm.

Connie 16:03

I wasn't taught that. But I feel so grateful that you're a teacher, and I wish the system was a little better, as a teacher, for you. But these kids are learning such great skills. And, for that, I'm so grateful for you.

Danielle W 16:21

Thank you.

Connie 16:22

And I know we don't wanna keep this too long, but you had offered a couple of books that you said were very impactful for you. Do you remember what those were?

Danielle W 16:31

So, when I was thinking about why these books mattered, you know, I thought about your whole question about extending compassion to myself. And a part of that is remembering that I'm still learning. And for me, in my world, I love gathering information, and so in a way, that's how I show compassion to myself. so two books that have really helped shape how I think about children, families, and the environments that we create are The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt, which is becoming pretty popular now, I would highly recommend. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen R. Covey. A lot of people are very familiar with The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. This one's just the same framework, but within the realm of how it looks with families. when I think about The Anxious Generation, that book encouraged me to think more intentionally about the pressures that children are facing today, and how we as adults can help to create healthier environments for them. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families really offered me some practical ways to strengthen communication, connection, and kind of like a shared purpose within a family. what I really like is neither book is about achieving perfection. They're both reminders that small and intentional choices can create meaningful change over time.

Connie 18:10

All right. Well, I just wanna wrap up again with some very practical tips for the listeners. And I want you to go over that notice, pause, choose, repair.

Danielle W 18:22

Okay. So notice, pause, choose, repair, begin again. So it's kind of, This framework is less of a perfect sequence and more of something to continually practice, and sometimes we're successful, and sometimes we're not. So notice, it really means recognizing what is happening in my body and my emotions. So, like, maybe my shoulders are tense, my heart is beating faster, my voice is becoming sharper, or I'm thinking, "If I have to ask one more time," which I definitely think a lot. These are signals that can mean that my nervous system is moving into that survival response, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. so I might feel the urge to argue or become controlling, escape or avoid the situation, shut down completely, or just quickly give into peace, right? We've all been there, whatever. I don't care. Just do what- whatever you pick." So these responses are really our brain's attempt to protect us, but they don't always lead to the response that we want So that's when we pause. After we notice, we pause. And pause really means that we're just trying to create that small amount of space between that automatic survival response and what we do next. Sometimes that pause can be one deep breath. Sometimes it's saying, "I need a minute before we talk about this." I know I do this a lot in my classroom when I'm getting very frustrated, and I have to say it out loud to the students It's my cue to them, "I'm becoming overwhelmed." That brief pause, though, also is a signal to our brain and to our body that we are safe, we don't need to react quickly, and it gives a chance for, the prefrontal cortex, our thinking brain, to kind of come back online, so to speak, so that we can respond more intentionally, and that's where the choose comes into play. So that's where we choose the response that best matches the kind of teacher or parent or even just person that you wanna be. You can still hold a boundary or expectation, but you can do so without escalating the situation, right? So each time we notice a reaction, we pause, and we make a more thoughtful choice, we strengthen a new pathway in our brain. And over time- we are essentially rewiring the brain so that pausing becomes more accessible, and reacting is not always our automatic response. So it's not about becoming, never becoming triggered. It's really about practicing a different response enough times so that it becomes easier and easier. And of course, sometimes we skip the pause and make a choice that we're not proud of, and that's where the repair comes in. So repair is really that in return, once I make that, I could say, you know, "The expectation was reasonable," or, "What I asked of you was reasonable, but the way I spoke to you was not, and I'm sorry for that." And after that, that's where we begin again. we don't wanna remain stuck in guilt or shame. we wanna learn from that moment and try again. And I will say, in a house with four children, there are plenty of opportunities- to practice this. and, I think it's a good thing to remind yourself that there's a difference between saying, "I made a mistake," and saying, "I'm a terrible teacher," or, "I'm a terrible parent." Because one invites responsibility and growth, and the other keeps you stuck.

Connie 22:08

You know, and that is exactly how I ended up writing that book. Because I would do things on the road that I wasn't proud of. Mm-hmm. And that disconnect. And so this is great for kids, it's great for adults. And to remember that we have to practice, practice mindfulness and bringing awareness. Mm-hmm. Otherwise, it's not gonna happen.

Danielle W 22:31

Yeah.

Connie 22:31

Danielle, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, for sharing your heart. And really, I'm so thankful that you are a role model for the next generation. Thank

Danielle W 22:43

you. Thank

Connie 22:43

you for joining me.

Danielle W 22:44

Yes, thanks for having me.