Kidz of Star Town: Rockin' Invasion

In this one-shot, the Star Town residents gather for the backyard baseball championships.  The Kidz of Star Town (Aka the "Feremian Military")  face-off against the DisgusTeens when disaster strikes (Literally), a rock-like Alien species invades and it's up to the Kidz to save the day!

Cast:

Shane Jordan as the GM / @Sjordanx2

Sara Katrenich as "Stony Tony" / @sara_katrenich

Sarah Marksteiner as "Dina Suprema" / @sarahmarksteiner

Matt Morin as "Martín Thema-Jishin" / @moremorin

Chloe O'Donnell as "Sal-E" / @chlo.donnell

Spenser Willden as "Loaf" / @spenserwillden

Music and Editing by Chloe O'Donnell

Additional music by Shane Jordan

Transcript

SPEAKER_12 0:05

What's up, Dimension Surfers! And welcome to Talk Presents Earth 2K, the tabletop one-shot anthology series exploring media in the tightest time period ever, the Everistook of the year 2000. Seemingly every week, a new devastating threat is neutralized and the world almost immediately goes right back to how it was. No recap needed ever. That's right, talkers. This is a no diving zone. So let's talk about today's theme. From the pop up ghost to the Power Rangers, the Planeteers to Pokemon, and Earthbound to Spy Kids, today's one-shot celebrate kids saving the world. That's right, as per usual, it's up to the kids to save the day when the adults just can't get the job done. In fact, the adults are usually the ones causing the problems. Welcome to a radical adventure. First things first, let's meet today's cast. I'm excited to be joined by, of course, my fellow Trying Our Quest castmates and most of the cast of Scattergood.

SPEAKER_11 1:08

Woohoo! Woo! At this point, we have a quorum. We have a quorum.

SPEAKER_12 1:12

We're gonna make decisions. Absolutely. We're gonna make a lot of decisions. Right here. Scattergood, of course, being our New York-based sketch comedy team. First up, we have Spencer Wilden.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

Hi, I'm Spencer Wilden, and I'll be playing Loaf. Loaf is a six-foot-tall, frost giant 12-year-old with an insatiable hunger for just a bite to eat. He loves to hang out, grab a bite to eat, and talk with his dog who also talks, whose name is Jug. That's Loaf. I forgot to write my intro.

SPEAKER_15 1:44

Loaf doesn't sound like he would write an intro.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Yeah, no, you're already curious.

SPEAKER_12 1:48

Does anyone have something to eat? Yeah, Loaf's distracted.

SPEAKER_16 1:51

Loaf is no Emma Watson.

SPEAKER_12 1:52

Speaking of Emma Watson, next up we have Sarah Katrenich.

SPEAKER_16 1:55

Well, okay, I'll take that combo. Uh hi everyone. This is Sarah Katrenich. Um I play Stony Tony. His voice might change. Okay, I got I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_12 2:11

No, lock that in. That's it. Yeah. Do that for the next three hours.

SPEAKER_09 2:16

Hey guys, my name is Stony Tony. I come from New Jersey, Long Island. My mom makes spaghetti every Sunday.

SPEAKER_12 2:27

And if you're not there, well then forget about incredible showing from Stony Tony. Incredible showing. Uh wouldn't want to follow that. Following that is Chloe O'Donnell.

SPEAKER_15 2:48

Hi everyone. My name is Chloe O'Donnell and I play Sally. Sally. Hello. My name is Sally. I was f I'm a war forge robot robot. I'm uh about three feet tall. I'm mostly a cylinder. And then I have a little head with um pigtail uh little bit robot bits. Um and I I kind of I have feet. Uh they're not very dexterous, but they do, they do move around. Uh and I do have arms as well. And um I'm uh I'm from somewhere off the coast of the South Osparian Sea. Uh I'm not really sure. I washed ashore one day on onto the ocean, and I was just, I look like a a pile of scrap metal, and uh my friends put me back together, and I've been with them every s ever since. And I don't really understand this world, but I do understand that I want to kill everything in it. Oh beep boop.

SPEAKER_12 3:47

Awesome. Is Sally secretly the big bat of this one-shot?

SPEAKER_16 3:51

Sally washed up on the shore and chose violence.

SPEAKER_12 3:53

I like I like how I gave us uh we'll be doing an alien invasion one shot, and Chloe was like, I'll be a violent alien. No, I'm a robot.

SPEAKER_15 4:01

You're a robot.

SPEAKER_12 4:02

Sorry, a robot. Robit.

SPEAKER_13 4:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 4:04

This is they're doing an aerobic class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No matter where we're sitting there.

SPEAKER_08 4:10

I'm so sorry. Sorry, you got distracted by my size 13s, you know.

SPEAKER_12 4:15

Uh the person I was just playing FTSE with, Matt Morin.

SPEAKER_04 4:20

Hi, I'm Matt Morin, and uh I'll be playing Martine Themagician. And I'm a halfling wizard. My last name is hyphenated because my parents got divorced and they changed it. I'm only playing baseball because my mom said I should make some friends, but really I only like school and magic, and I really like the idea that one day I'll find the right spell to get my parents back together.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

Martine.

SPEAKER_12 4:45

Martine. We finally get to introduce our extra special guest, the first guest we've ever had on any trying our quest feature. Uh, you can hear her writing and performing with the sketch team Ghost Girl at the Magnet Theater. She has a one-woman show called Butt Slasher, and of course, she is our wonderful Scattergood co-star, Sarah Marksteiner.

SPEAKER_19 5:12

Hi, uh, I'm Sarah Marksteiner. Yay! Thanks for having me. Uh today I'll be um I'll be playing Dina Suprema. My my dad is a prince, so I guess you could say that makes me a princess.

SPEAKER_00 5:31

Literally. I think so. I think that's right.

SPEAKER_19 5:35

I guess you could say that. I love two things in this world, and that's playing my flute and hanging out with my friends.

SPEAKER_16 5:46

I can't wait for Dina to smack someone with that flute. Jumping angry.

SPEAKER_02 5:52

Oh no.

SPEAKER_19 5:53

Do you know who my father is? A prince?

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Yes, make you a princess.

SPEAKER_16 5:58

You could say that.

SPEAKER_12 6:01

It's literally true.

SPEAKER_16 6:02

We told Sarah she could only say three phrases. Yes.

SPEAKER_12 6:07

She's actually also got a pull string on her back, we're just kind of my dad is a prince. And with that, we begin. We zoom in on Earth 2K, passing the bright superhero beacons of futuristic cities, small towns with big skate parks, and mountains with fresh powder just waiting to be shredded. We settle in on the skies above Start Town, your typical West Coast town.

SPEAKER_14 6:35

Start Town.

SPEAKER_12 6:36

Start Town.

SPEAKER_14 6:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 6:37

Start Town.

SPEAKER_14 6:38

Start Start Town. Start Town. Start Town.

SPEAKER_12 6:42

Startown is famous for its giant hilltop observatory, currently under construction for a big renovation, and for being the headquarters of the unidentified flying artifact research team, a real hot spot for extraterrestrial activity. Euphatt?

SPEAKER_08 6:55

Euphart.

SPEAKER_18 6:56

Eupha. Oh, research team.

SPEAKER_12 6:57

Euphart. Euphart. Euphart.

SPEAKER_18 6:59

Euphart.

SPEAKER_12 7:00

I don't know. Nice. Could be anything. But our adventure begins much simpler than that. As the sky begins to pink and a cool, dry breeze rolls in, replacing the humidity of a sunny day. The curly swirly man is packing up his ice cream truck for the day, and the kids of Star Town are still gathered at the Sandlot Baseball Diamond at the base of the Big Hill Observatory. The reigning backyard champions, the disgust teens, are up by one point, and it's the bottom of the ninth. Can our heroes clench a victory before the streetlights come on?

SPEAKER_02 7:30

Guys, do you think the ice cream guy he's like he's not leaving, right?

SPEAKER_13 7:34

According to my records, he usually leaves once the game is over.

SPEAKER_04 7:39

And we have to win before he can leave. My mom has ice cream, my dad does not have ice cream.

SPEAKER_12 7:44

Loaf has several dozen wrappers of ice creams that he's just eaten just like littering around his feet.

SPEAKER_16 7:49

Look, guys, my mom has an entire cooler of Italian ice. No problem.

SPEAKER_12 7:54

That sounds good. Let's roll for batting order. Yeah!

SPEAKER_16 7:59

I would say as the as the catcher, I'd probably go first. Don't let me get offensive with this guy.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

They're Italians, you can say whatever you want.

SPEAKER_15 8:07

Okay, great. I hope that my role as the second baseman brings us a victory.

SPEAKER_05 8:13

Guys, with me on your team, you're not gonna lose. Hey, uh. I've been working on my pitch in the field. Hey, princess, uh, how you doing?

SPEAKER_16 8:23

Tony, why do you have to be such a creep? Sorry, uh, it's Tony Tony, but that's fine.

SPEAKER_09 8:30

I'll go over here.

SPEAKER_04 8:32

Martine got a nine.

SPEAKER_13 8:34

Sally got a seven.

SPEAKER_04 8:35

Sally got a seven. Loaf got a 16.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

He's gotta get out of here to get to the ice cream truck.

SPEAKER_19 8:42

Dina got a nine plus three.

SPEAKER_12 8:45

So Dina got a twelve.

SPEAKER_19 8:46

Dina got a twelve.

SPEAKER_16 8:47

Uh, I got a uh 19.

SPEAKER_12 8:50

A 19. Okay, Stony Tony. First in the batting order is Stony Tony. So this is how this is gonna work. On each batter's turn, you can use your action and your bonus action to give yourself a leg up. You're all gonna be doing opposed athletics checks, which are just gonna be the summation of three hits. Um, I'm not gonna make you roll for every single hit. That would be boring to listen to.

SPEAKER_15 9:11

Oh, I don't have legs.

SPEAKER_12 9:13

This is Sandlock Baseball. It is full of shenanigans and antics. The disgust teens are playing dirty, and the only rule is you cannot do any damage to your opponents. You see at the pitcher's mound, three of the disgust teens, the disgust triplets, actually, uh, gangly disgust, grungly disgust, and geekly disgust. The pitcher is gangly disgust, uh, who is the tallest of the disgust triplets. She's tall and lanky. She has not learned any subtlety in how to do their makeup in quantity or color. Uh the only the only thing sharper than her blonde bangs are her cheekbones, which are heavily accentuated with way too much contour.

SPEAKER_15 9:55

No blending. Friends, is it normal for people to be named after the physical characteristics?

SPEAKER_04 10:01

I'm named after my grandpa. I look more like a baguette than a loaf, but in which case my name should be Can.

SPEAKER_12 10:09

So, Sarah, you're gonna roll a D6.

SPEAKER_16 10:12

Okay. It's okay. Just because she turns it down, you weren't being that weird, but hey, let's back off a little bit, okay? You got this. Next social interaction will be better. Okay, yeah, give it to me, good guys. Uh he has social anxiety. That's a five.

SPEAKER_12 10:30

A five. You see, Grungley, disgust. Grungly is wearing a short sleeve shirt over a long sleeve shirt, all under a hooded vest, uh, and the hood is up. Her shirt and shorts are so long that you really can't even make out her hands or feet. And then you can see underneath her hood is a very greasy mop of hair, like black hair, right in front of her face. Um, and she whispers underneath her breath, you're never gonna get a social interaction right. Make a wisdom saving throw.

SPEAKER_07 11:00

Oh no. Okay, Tony. Just like Yogi Bear.

SPEAKER_02 11:05

He's the one who always stole those picnic baskets, right?

SPEAKER_16 11:09

I got a 17.

SPEAKER_12 11:10

A 17 passes easily. You shake off that chan or that intimidation easily.

SPEAKER_09 11:16

People always talk down to him his whole life, and he made good.

SPEAKER_12 11:21

Do you want to uh do you want to do anything to try and uh change your chances?

SPEAKER_16 11:26

Um, okay. I um activate large form. Whoa! Uh once prolonged rest as a bonus action, you can change your side to large for 10 minutes or until you end it. For that duration, you have advantage on strength checks and your speed increases by 10.

SPEAKER_12 11:39

That'll give you sorry, uh that'll give you an advantage on your athletics check then?

SPEAKER_16 11:43

Strength checks, does that fall under that?

SPEAKER_12 11:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16 11:45

Oh. Like sauce. Spaghetti. Like my mom makes. Grandma's recipe was handed down for generations, but then they lost it, so now we just use the Campbell's can.

SPEAKER_03 11:57

Oh, that sounds good!

SPEAKER_12 12:00

Alright, let me uh roll for Gangly. Gangli's got a plus five to athletics.

SPEAKER_16 12:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 12:06

She's a pretty solid pitcher.

SPEAKER_16 12:07

Each a hout out.

SPEAKER_12 12:08

Gangli gets an 11.

SPEAKER_16 12:10

Okay, that's a 19.

SPEAKER_12 12:12

You hit.

SPEAKER_16 12:13

Just like in baseball, if you mess up, you can always hit again. So if you mess up with social interaction, you can try again.

SPEAKER_05 12:20

Yeah! Oh my god, this game is just like baseball.

SPEAKER_15 12:28

Just like in baseball, you can only talk to someone three times before it becomes weird. Okay, so I hit.

SPEAKER_12 12:33

So you hit roll a D8 and C, and we'll use that to figure out how many bases you get.

SPEAKER_16 12:39

I got a one.

SPEAKER_12 12:40

You got a one, you gotta move. You're still gonna get one base though.

SPEAKER_16 12:42

Oh, alright. Hey, my dad said before he left, always get the first base.

SPEAKER_12 12:48

Next. Your dad doesn't live at home either.

SPEAKER_16 12:51

Where'd he go? No.

SPEAKER_07 12:52

He uh went out to buy uh a a baguette.

SPEAKER_03 12:56

Oh.

SPEAKER_07 12:57

Oh where? Well, I thought it was the first one.

SPEAKER_03 13:00

Did he go to Cinnamon's confectionery?

SPEAKER_07 13:02

Yeah, that's where we always live.

SPEAKER_03 13:04

That's where my parents live.

SPEAKER_07 13:05

Wait, have you seen my dad? What does he look like? Like me, but better and stronger and more handsome and probably someone that would people would listen to.

SPEAKER_12 13:16

Oh. No, I haven't seen anyone like that.

SPEAKER_16 13:19

I know it.

SPEAKER_12 13:20

Loaf is next to step up to the plate. Loaf, give me a D6 roll.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

Uh Loaf is going to um first of all get a six. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_12 13:29

Gangly on the pitcher's mound goes, You're right. Like, you're really tall, and I'm like into that.

SPEAKER_03 13:35

Because you're gangly too.

SPEAKER_12 13:37

And she blows you a kiss and a big cartoony kiss-shaped bubble flies at you. Give me a charisma saving throw.

SPEAKER_02 13:43

Uh, I don't know about this. I don't want to split my spaghetti with anyone. Wait, your mom makes spaghetti for my dog.

SPEAKER_12 13:50

Um I love spaghetti. 18. 18 also passes. You dodge this big cartoony kiss.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

Ew, cuties! I mean cooties. I mean um, I don't find you cute! Oh my god, I heard you call me killing.

SPEAKER_20 14:06

You have a crush on her? No. Do you have a crush?

SPEAKER_02 14:08

Just like baseball.

SPEAKER_12 14:09

Just like baseball. There's always another chance. Uh Tony Stoney. All the boys have crushes on me, Tony Stoney. I'm not me! I'm gangly disgust.

SPEAKER_17 14:19

Hummina, hummina, hummina. Do you want to come over for Sunday dinner?

SPEAKER_12 14:23

My are you asking me on a dick?

SPEAKER_17 14:24

I'll go over for Sunday dinner.

SPEAKER_03 14:26

What are they making?

SPEAKER_02 14:28

Um, my coach is gonna come up real quick and talk to me. Is that okay? Oh, yeah, if uh if you want. I call I call forward uh uh Jug, who is an old English sheep dog in uh such a he's walking on two legs, by the way. And he is wearing wearing a full uh basketball not basketball uh baseball. A full Knicks jersey. Watch up, rove. Let's get a three-pointer. Thank you, thank you, Jug. Uh, I just need a little bit of encouragement. Hot dog. Of course. I'm gonna give you the submarine sandwich from my back pocket so I don't accidentally pull it out, try to use it as a bat. I want you not to eat it. Uh, okay. I hand it to him. He eats it immediately. Well, now it's more important than ever that I get that ice cream. I'm sorry, Rolf. I love you, buddy. I review. Uh, great! I'm gonna reach forward and I'm gonna go, guys! The ice cream truck's about to leave to distract them.

SPEAKER_16 15:31

And I'm going to throw out It doesn't distract the way that it would distract you.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

I mean, and then I look, I look back because I'm convinced. Wait! And then I'm gonna throw out some of the wrappers from my pocket. And I'm gonna in fiction cast entangle on that 20-foot cube uh to make it so that um the people in that area are restrained. Okay. So that is now difficult to rain. Um, any creature in that area must succeed on a strength saving throw or have the restrained condition. Gangly only got a 10.

SPEAKER_12 16:02

Sorry, Gangly! Oh my god. There's ice cream everywhere. It's so sticky. I don't like that. Why is it so sticky? Because it's ice cream! Ah, that's gonna make it hard to patch. Also, it's gonna make me hard to like run. And it's also gonna make it hard to like kiss boys.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

Uh, can I hit the ball?

SPEAKER_12 16:20

Uh yeah, let's make an opposed athletic check. Gangly is, um, I'm gonna say because Gangly is uh all sticky that she will make her uh athletic check with this uh disadvantage.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

I reached from where my submarine sandwich was to grab it as a bat, and then I realized I gave it to Jug. And so I hit myself in the head, and then I'm sorry. I'll pull out a bat. Also from a pocket.

SPEAKER_14 16:40

Well, you're wearing like Jenko chickens, so the pockets are really bad.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

So what did you get first?

SPEAKER_12 16:44

Uh Gangly got a 15.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

Is that ice cream truck actually leaving? I turn around in the ball.

SPEAKER_12 16:50

Whizzes by.

SPEAKER_11 16:51

Oh whizzes by.

SPEAKER_12 16:52

Three three strikes immediately whiz past.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

You're out. Oh, nuts! Well, if you guys need me, I'll be at the ice cream truck and I run off the field.

SPEAKER_12 17:04

Uh the ice cream truck is gonna be outfield. Up next to bat is Dina Suprema.

SPEAKER_05 17:11

Dina's sort of like skipping toward the base.

SPEAKER_19 17:13

She like notices that there's like a daisy on the ground, and and she like bends over and picks it up and and puts it in her hair, and then she puts her game face on.

SPEAKER_12 17:23

Yeah! Podo.

SPEAKER_19 17:25

Go Dina.

SPEAKER_12 17:26

Uh uh roll a D6 to start and see what shenanigans, the disgust teams are up to.

SPEAKER_19 17:31

One. I uh I I kind of sort of drift and like look at how pretty and pink the sky is, and I like think about home.

SPEAKER_12 17:39

So while you're spacing out Geekly, the shortest Disgust triplet, she has big red curly hair and coke bottle glasses. Uh, she's wearing this oversized monster orb anime t-shirt, and it's so long that it like you can't really tell if she's wearing shorts or not. Yeah. Um, it just looks like that shirt is her only piece of clothing. Uh, she's also got this tiny little turtle shell backpack that like like she's little and round, and then there's just like this little turtle shell backpack sticking off of her back, and it's so tight. Geekly creates a mage hand around Gangli's pitching arm and is gonna give her a strength boost. You're gonna have to do a strength-saving throw.

SPEAKER_20 18:24

Twenty. Nice!

SPEAKER_12 18:26

Dirty 20. You totally shake this off. It phases you none.

SPEAKER_19 18:31

How how dare they try to distract me? Dina uses her altered eyes to make them look like flames for one minute. Incredible. You crossed the wrong girl! Throw it at me! She pulls out her flute. I activate my booming voice. It becomes three times as loud as normal for one minute. For the duration, I have advantage on charisma intimidation checks.

SPEAKER_12 18:59

Uh, are you I assume you're intimidating Geekly here?

SPEAKER_19 19:01

I look at Geekly and I say, Oh, I'm twice as tall as you. She she she looks up at me in my flaming eyes and freaks out.

SPEAKER_13 19:10

That would intimidate me.

SPEAKER_12 19:12

Dina's intimidating me too. I'm like not sure that you're actually taller than me, but I'm also terrified right now.

SPEAKER_06 19:17

Um, I'm tall in spirit.

SPEAKER_12 19:19

Make an intimidation check. Um, you're gonna roll your d20 twice, and then you'll uh take the higher number.

SPEAKER_19 19:26

Melted mozzarella, that's impressive. I got I got uh 19.

SPEAKER_12 19:32

Uh Dina sees that Gangli is like shaking a little bit on the pitcher's mound. Okay, so like I am a little bit scared, but I'm also like a little bit turned on. I think I'm both.

SPEAKER_19 19:41

Uh anywho, um Is it my fierce high pony?

SPEAKER_12 19:46

Uh, whatever. Uh, here comes the pitch. Uh, and she's gonna roll with disadvantage. You're gonna now make an athletics check.

SPEAKER_05 19:54

An 18 plus two. That's a fierce 20. Oh my god. 20 from Dina, athlete superstar. Been playing tennis since she was three.

SPEAKER_12 20:05

With disadvantage, Gangli got a 17 on the dice, a 22 total. But she's also restrained. Oh, that's right. She already has intimidated.

SPEAKER_20 20:19

Um I guess it's just got ice cream dripping out of her hair. So she probably had like a minus five.

SPEAKER_12 20:24

I'll say, I'll say that that those combination of things, she'll get um basically the effects of the bane. I'm gonna say that's gonna give a little bit of extra disadvantage. So right now, she has a 22, you have a 20. I'm gonna have you roll a d4. If you roll a two, you'll tie. If you roll higher than a two, you will outpsy uh Gangly.

SPEAKER_19 20:44

Oh, Dina notices that Gangli has uh muscly arms peeking from under her cool t-shirt and and sweats a little. But she rolls a three. Locks the hell in. Can I curse in this puck?

unknown 20:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

No, you fucking hell.

SPEAKER_15 21:01

Dina locks the hell in.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

Uh Loaf covers his ears.

SPEAKER_15 21:05

Go, Dina! Go, Dina!

SPEAKER_14 21:06

Don't tell my dad I sent that. Hey, I'm gonna curse too.

SPEAKER_19 21:09

Sent the Maria Jesus Christos! Tony, that's really offensive. That's like really not cool that you're gonna do that.

SPEAKER_12 21:15

I think that's your third out.

SPEAKER_19 21:17

Oh, motherboard.

SPEAKER_12 21:18

Gangli shakes off her initial intimidation and throws two fastball strikes right over the plate.

unknown 21:25

Boop, boop.

SPEAKER_12 21:26

But then you make eyes with her.

SPEAKER_07 21:29

Sexualized.

SPEAKER_12 21:29

Not the sexual way. And that fire returns to you. And her shake, her doubt creeps in just a little bit.

SPEAKER_19 21:37

And who know, who knows if the if the flames are are magical or if there's something more.

SPEAKER_12 21:44

And on this last throw, a little bit of ice cream sticks the ball to her hand just a little bit and slows it down, and you get a hit.

SPEAKER_19 21:55

And and and Dina whips her flute out so freaking fast. It's in the Silver flashes through the sky and she runs and she runs to first base.

SPEAKER_12 22:04

Well, she runs to let's get you a d8 and see how well you run.

SPEAKER_20 22:08

A six, well.

SPEAKER_12 22:10

A six? Um, a six is a double. Uh, you make it two bases, and Tony is now on third.

SPEAKER_15 22:16

Umpire, it seems like the pitcher is using an illegal substance to interfere with the ball handling. Umpire!

SPEAKER_02 22:22

Brooks okay to me. You look drunk. Are you okay? Where were you? I changed into a referee costume. Oh, it's oh, it's good!

SPEAKER_05 22:32

Junk trickster.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

That's a really good costume. I thought you were a drunk adult.

SPEAKER_15 22:36

Way to go, junk!

SPEAKER_12 22:38

I have been drinking. Um, so do you guys have a team name, by the way?

SPEAKER_15 22:43

I think we should be the destroyers. Uh, that's a little destructive. I think we should be the neutralizers.

SPEAKER_03 22:50

What's your dad's country called? Feremia? What if we're the foremian military?

SPEAKER_05 22:56

Feremian, foremian military. I I like that. I like as well. I think I've heard that somewhere before.

SPEAKER_02 23:02

They probably really well paid for any number of.

SPEAKER_12 23:05

The historic matchup between the disgustines and the faremian military.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

Your dad has jobs for us, right, in the military after this?

SPEAKER_16 23:12

What if we're the faremian faremias? Like the funiculae funiculas. You all live in Startown.

SPEAKER_03 23:17

Italian or something?

SPEAKER_15 23:18

Yeah, the song. What if we were the Startown knives?

SPEAKER_10 23:22

Uh hey, Martin.

SPEAKER_15 23:24

You got any ideas?

SPEAKER_04 23:25

All glory to Faremia.

SPEAKER_05 23:27

Now that's a good win. That's a long name. Anyway.

SPEAKER_12 23:30

Next up for the Faremian River Terry.

SPEAKER_05 23:32

Uh.

SPEAKER_12 23:33

Ritz Martine. Martin, roll it D6. Okay. A six.

SPEAKER_16 23:38

Hey, your mom's talking to the guy uh in the ice cream truck.

SPEAKER_04 23:42

My mom's not here.

SPEAKER_16 23:43

I don't know. It's someone that looks a lot like your mom is talking to the ice cream truck driver. Because your mom always wears this local tong.

SPEAKER_15 23:50

It's statistically impossible for there to be another person who looks just like your mom in a 13-mile radius.

SPEAKER_04 23:56

It must be my mom. I hope she sees me play.

SPEAKER_15 24:02

It looks like she's not paying attention to you. It looks like she's talking to the man at the ice cream truck.

SPEAKER_02 24:07

Now she smells like liquor.

SPEAKER_15 24:11

The man at the ice cream truck says that he wants to liquor.

SPEAKER_04 24:14

That's good wordplay. That's not my dad. Rex the curly swirly man. He'll be having a fireball. You look happening to him later. Let's play ball.

SPEAKER_12 24:27

I have a thing for a troubled youth. Uh, and it looks like you're uh from a broken house. I until I want to give you a kiss, and Gangli is gonna blow you a kiss again. Um you're gonna have to make a charisma saving throw.

SPEAKER_15 24:40

Tina Sluzy has a thing for everyone. Tina realizes that.

SPEAKER_05 24:43

Is she the only one that Gangly didn't blow a kiss to?

SPEAKER_16 24:46

Uh she's queer baiting you, Tina. No, now she's hotter because she didn't she's attainable.

SPEAKER_04 24:53

Martin is very eloquent, so he got 15.

SPEAKER_12 24:57

Okay, he passes. Y'all have passed all of the disgusting shenanigans so far. Thanks for blowing me a kiss.

SPEAKER_05 25:06

Yeah, I was looking to her. My dad says we stomp our enemies in war.

SPEAKER_13 25:12

I like that.

SPEAKER_04 25:15

I like your dad.

SPEAKER_05 25:16

Thanks. I don't.

SPEAKER_03 25:19

Is he single? I mean, I think Martine's mom is looking.

SPEAKER_05 25:22

Uh no.

SPEAKER_03 25:23

Loaf? Yeah.

SPEAKER_16 25:24

Cut it out.

SPEAKER_12 25:27

Ruhro, domestic dispute.

SPEAKER_16 25:29

Oh, that wasn't even my fault, and it got awkward.

SPEAKER_12 25:32

Whatever. I'm gonna like throw the ball. Is there anything you want to do?

SPEAKER_08 25:35

Uh Martine would like to cast levitate on the ball.

SPEAKER_12 25:38

Okay, so you have control of it, basically?

SPEAKER_08 25:41

So uh loose object of your choice that you can see within range rises vertically up to 20 feet and remains suspended there for the duration. And then the target can move only by pushing or pulling against a fixed object or surface within reach, which allows it to move as if it were climbing. You can change the target's altitude by up to 20 feet in either direction on your turn.

SPEAKER_12 26:00

Okay, so basically, you're gonna control the height at which the ball is flying at you so that it comes.

SPEAKER_08 26:07

Yeah, I want it to come in low and slow.

SPEAKER_12 26:10

Low and slow, great. Then I'll say that that's gonna give you advantage on that. Okay, great. Let's let's be an athlete. I've never been one before. Gangli got a natural two, um, so that is a seven for Gangly.

SPEAKER_04 26:29

On my first roll, I got a 12.

SPEAKER_12 26:31

You've already hit.

SPEAKER_04 26:32

On my second roll, I got a zero. But it's good that I had advantage, right?

SPEAKER_02 26:39

I like the idea that it made Gangly thinks you missed the first one because you never hit. And so she throws a second one at you and you miss the second one.

SPEAKER_12 26:48

And then the third one just kind of floats right up next to you and it stops right in the strike zone, and it's basically T-ball for Martine. Martine is is Martine is hamming it up.

SPEAKER_04 27:00

He is he's like doing a bat, bat swing behind.

SPEAKER_15 27:03

He's like He's doing the thing where he like throws it on the ground.

SPEAKER_03 27:06

Martin, wait, your mom's not looking yet. Mom! Mom! Mom? I don't think she's turning around.

SPEAKER_16 27:13

Oh wait, oh wait, she is, she is, she's doing a little spin, so you've got like two seconds.

SPEAKER_17 27:17

Okay. Uh and now Martine hits the ball. Wait a go, Joe DiMaggio!

SPEAKER_12 27:24

Roll a D8. I got a six. A six is another double.

SPEAKER_18 27:30

Yay! Let's go, Joe! We did it, Joe! We win!

SPEAKER_12 27:35

We did it. I'm a hero. Two runs and the Fromian army Let's go is victorious.

SPEAKER_13 27:42

Great job, everyone!

SPEAKER_12 27:43

Wait, Sally didn't get to go.

SPEAKER_05 27:45

I didn't.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

Do you want to run around the bases?

SPEAKER_05 27:48

Yeah, Sally, do you just want to do a turn around the bases? Yes. Oh, you go for it. We'll chill for you.

SPEAKER_02 27:55

We watch your cybernetic legs, bound.

SPEAKER_15 27:59

No, she sh she doesn't have legs. She controls. She's just takes so long.

SPEAKER_12 28:04

It's like big whales.

SPEAKER_15 28:05

Clank clank clank.

SPEAKER_12 28:07

As you celebrate your victory, as Sal E steps up to the plate, a dark shadow suddenly grows directly above you.

SPEAKER_15 28:16

Let's go, Mike Piazzo! That's the shadow of death that is coming over this team.

SPEAKER_04 28:21

Tony, did your dad come home?

SPEAKER_15 28:23

I don't think that's my dad. Is it nighttime?

SPEAKER_12 28:26

As you look up, you see almost what looks like an eclipse, except the darkness is growing rapidly.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

Did someone order a big pizza?

SPEAKER_16 28:35

It's like I don't think they serve them that big. The biggest one you can get at Joe Malone is an extra, extra large.

SPEAKER_17 28:44

I know a guy.

SPEAKER_16 28:45

But they they do those in squares and they got them like square-like, and that's pretty round like an eclipse, and it's getting bigger.

SPEAKER_12 28:53

Before you can all fully process what you're seeing, a large meteorite smashes directly into the telescope of the big observatory. I I love going there. Debris is flying everywhere, and you see smaller little meteorites are flying towards Star City and just landing everywhere. Is it like my favorite book, War of the World, where there are aliens in them?

SPEAKER_16 29:24

My ma's in second in Star City! Yes, we all live there.

SPEAKER_12 29:30

Sally, there is a meteorite, a softball-sized meteorite coming right towards you. You are at home plate with a bat in your hand. What would you like to do? Grip it and rip it!

SPEAKER_15 29:39

I would like to use one of my psionic energy points to uh use my telekinetic movement and grab the meteorite.

SPEAKER_12 29:48

You're gonna grab the meteorite?

SPEAKER_15 29:50

As a magic option, I can choose a target I see within 30 feet of myself.

SPEAKER_12 29:54

Yep.

SPEAKER_15 29:54

And then I teleport it at 30 feet, so I'm gonna teleport into my hand.

SPEAKER_12 29:58

You teleport the meteorite into your hand. And it is hot, but I guess you're metal, so it's just I'm metal. As you harmlessly teleport this meteorite into your hand, you see You see that gangly takes another chunk of a meteorite right to the head and is just downed at the on the pitcher's mouth.

SPEAKER_07 30:18

Oh my god! Excellent!

SPEAKER_12 30:20

Grungly and Geekly run to her side.

SPEAKER_07 30:22

She was my science partner! Can I can I also run over?

SPEAKER_12 30:25

And then in your hand, you notice the meteorite, two big craters open, and you see little eyes, and then a huge mouth, and then out of little craters, like little stubby hands come out, and it stands up and it goes, da-da! Um, and it's just like waving its arms at you.

SPEAKER_13 30:44

Hello, child. Just as I uh just as my friends found me on the beach, I find you in my hands, and together we will achieve great things. Um I was about to say I think together we won't go legally we'd even ignore.

SPEAKER_12 31:02

And it's going and it's going to now on initiative two, it's going to take a bite attack at Sal E.

SPEAKER_15 31:11

Oh.

SPEAKER_12 31:12

Um, it gets an 11 to hit.

SPEAKER_15 31:15

That misses. Bad bad rock.

SPEAKER_12 31:17

Da! Da-da!

SPEAKER_15 31:19

This is why I hate things from nature. Amaze, amaze.

SPEAKER_12 31:25

Um, and you are now in combat. You've already rolled initiative.

SPEAKER_15 31:29

Whoa! He tricked us. You see, I tricked you and by the ice cream truck.

SPEAKER_12 31:33

And that's right, loaf is way over by the ice cream truck, um, which is also getting pummeled with meteorites.

SPEAKER_14 31:39

Yeah, we have a battle map.

SPEAKER_02 31:40

What's your mom go? It looks like she escaped in the darkness of the shadow, and the ice cream guy's not here either. Mom?

SPEAKER_15 31:45

Is Gangley dead? Do we see a kid just get domed?

SPEAKER_12 31:48

You did just see a kid get domed, but it was a bad kid, so it doesn't matter. Yeah, so there, and yeah, uh, so they're awesome.

SPEAKER_14 31:56

I would say Tina's feeling tortured.

SPEAKER_12 31:58

I would say they would probably be knocked out. Yeah, they're they are ambiguously kids showed like it wasn't like the meteor ripped through their skull. Yeah, they'll show up next week and like like nothing had ever happened. Um, but their face was ripped off now.

SPEAKER_16 32:14

Um I just want to see what the level of violence is. For the rest of this episode, they have like a chic bandage around their one eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 32:21

Uh, next in the initiative, it's back up to Tony Stoney.

SPEAKER_16 32:23

Oh, Tony, you gotta go uh Raylian Erasion. Uh What about raisins? Raylean?

SPEAKER_04 32:33

You want to eat some raisins?

SPEAKER_16 32:35

Okay, Tony. Just like in baseball, three strikes and then you gotta go. And then if it doesn't work, then you can go home, but you gotta do your homework first.

SPEAKER_04 32:48

What is happening? So fucking sad.

SPEAKER_16 32:52

Tony uh realizes that one, he uh he sees his teammate being attacked by this meteorite, and also um Gangli is his lab partner at school. Um and so he he's like, We got a big project. I gotta take him out. That's not good. And then he enters Rage.

SPEAKER_12 33:11

Oh, okay. Tony Tony Rage in.

SPEAKER_16 33:17

Sorry, ma'opening.

SPEAKER_02 33:22

He just pulled out so much palming.

SPEAKER_16 33:25

I'm only 14 and I'm trying to find myself. And it's really hard, and and gosh, I like fire too! Stony Tony is sitting on the bench and underneath in the deco, underneath the bench that he's sitting on, he reaches his hand down and wraps his hand around the familiar feeling of the wood.

SPEAKER_02 33:44

You have four hand axes. Stony Tony's just wrapped with axes.

SPEAKER_12 33:50

Is it a real axe or is it like a base?

SPEAKER_16 33:52

It is a I think I think it's a slugger. Yeah, with spikes on the end.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

That's not regulation.

SPEAKER_15 34:00

So you care about the spike bat, but you don't care about the illegal substances that the pitch is using to influence their pitches?

SPEAKER_03 34:05

I don't know what you're talking about. Don't be a cop, Jug.

SPEAKER_15 34:09

I'm trying to get them found. Well, the game is over.

SPEAKER_16 34:11

Are you the referee? This is the military. Yeah, I don't think I want to grab the little thing out of and like with my great axe. Okay, that is a twenty.

SPEAKER_12 34:21

You hit.

SPEAKER_16 34:22

I think it's a five.

SPEAKER_12 34:23

Um, do you have two attacks? You probably have two attacks.

SPEAKER_16 34:26

Uh, that is a twenty-three.

SPEAKER_12 34:28

That also hit.

SPEAKER_16 34:29

And then 15 damage. As he pulled out the club, he takes two steps forward and slides his hand between Sally's cold metal and the um me tiny softball meteorite and brings down his spiked bat on top of it to squish it like a grape. Dada! Ugh!

SPEAKER_15 34:49

Tony, stop being such a perv! Guys!

SPEAKER_02 34:53

Dada! Ow! We're killing the little shit from the street. It's the little guy calling for his father.

SPEAKER_15 34:59

Yes, we're killing the thing that attacked us. I'm killing the thing that I am.

SPEAKER_12 35:03

Next in the initiative is uh loaf and jug.

SPEAKER_02 35:06

Uh, I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_03 35:07

The Feremian um why are we again?

SPEAKER_05 35:10

The Feremian military.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

The Feremian military! Leave no soldier behind! Even an enemy one! I'm gonna drop concentration on the entangle, and I'm gonna run towards the pitcher's mound. And as I'm running, I'm gonna reach into my pocket and I'm gonna pull out a collection, just uh loose berries I have in there. And I'm gonna cast good berry.

SPEAKER_16 35:33

Intact berries that haven't been smushed yet.

SPEAKER_02 35:35

There's a bunch of smushed ones, but there's ten intact berries.

SPEAKER_16 35:38

Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_03 35:39

You know Loaf travels with berry snacks. I always have berries in my pocket. Some kids have apple, like iPhone. I don't have a phone, I have berries.

SPEAKER_12 35:48

As you're running over to the pitcher's mound, make a perception check. That's a 19! You notice Gangly has got both Geekly and Grungly in a headlock, and they are all three wrestling.

SPEAKER_03 36:01

Gangly, Geekly, Grungly! Are you guys alright? I was gonna give you some of my berries. Not like that.

SPEAKER_12 36:11

You see that Gangly grabs another meteorite laying on the ground and smashes Geekly in the head with it. And then she holds Gangly down as Geekly smashes a rock into hers. All three of them stand up in unison and slowly turn to you, dead in the eyes.

SPEAKER_03 36:29

Uh-oh, uh oh.

SPEAKER_12 36:31

Hey, Loaf, you've gotta see this. It rocks.

SPEAKER_03 36:35

I don't wanna say, I don't wanna see this. Um, um, um, so it do I see this before I cast Good Berry or if I already can't.

SPEAKER_12 36:41

Yeah, you can see it while you're running over. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 36:43

Um, and never mind, I'm not gonna give you any of my berries. Jug! Uh, come here!

SPEAKER_12 36:48

I'm roaming!

SPEAKER_03 36:50

Um Jug! Bite those fucking kids!

SPEAKER_12 36:55

Alright. Uh Jug's gonna run over and uh try and do the police dog arm bite on gang uh who do you wanna attack?

SPEAKER_02 37:03

Um, uh, I'm gonna say Gangley for last because we all love her. I mean, none of us um Hey, I love you too.

SPEAKER_12 37:11

Just I'd love you a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02 37:13

In a love way, not in a love way.

SPEAKER_05 37:15

That's right, yeah, not in a love way.

SPEAKER_12 37:17

Not in a love way. We like you normal. As they turn to you, you notice on their heads are those little meteor types, and they're like little stubby arms are like grabbing their hair and they're biting into their skulls.

SPEAKER_07 37:31

And I shall hit it because it's looking for its damn. I thought we were in a chicken little!

SPEAKER_02 37:35

So with my bonus action, I'm gonna command him to take an attack. 16 plus four, that's a fierce 20. That's gonna hit. Who are you hitting? Uh, I'm hitting Geekly.

SPEAKER_03 37:48

I don't want her to pull out any tech!

SPEAKER_02 37:50

That's gonna be seven points of uh uh slashing damage. Wow. And then um target has the chrondition if it's a large or smaller creep.

SPEAKER_12 37:59

Uh you see the weight of the meteor type just like topples over Geekly.

SPEAKER_02 38:04

And then I'm gonna pull out uh the long bow that I have over my shoulders and say, I hope it's cool that I brought this to the game. It's so great. It's a family heirroom. It is. I got it from my mom cinnamon's grandpa spice. Uh, he was not a good man. And I'm gonna take a shot at Grungley? Grungly. 14 to hit? A 14 does hit Grungly. Alright. That's gonna be 12 points of piercing damage, and I'm going to use my frost chill. And as I shoot her, some like little bits of ice cream still on the arrow are going to uh get plunged into the wound, and she's gonna take an additional 1d6 cold damage. Okay. That's just one, and she's gonna lose 10 feet of speed, and I'm also going to use the slow property on this longbow. So because I hit a creature with a longbow and dealt damage to it, I'm gonna reduce its speed by 10 more feet until the start of my next turn. Speed is down by 20 feet. I'm feeling a little stiff, like a rock. Then for my other attack, I'm I can use one of my attacks to also still command my dog to attack again.

SPEAKER_14 39:20

You have to command Jug? You're not friends.

SPEAKER_03 39:23

Jug, I ask him politely. Jug, you have to attack this child.

SPEAKER_15 39:29

There can be no friendship between a commander and his subordinates.

SPEAKER_03 39:33

It's friendship, it's not subordinates. Only if you get me another ice cream. I already did.

SPEAKER_02 39:38

I want more ice cream.

SPEAKER_15 39:39

Jug needs Jug needs discipline.

SPEAKER_02 39:42

He's gonna attack the one that he has on the ground, so he's gonna do it with advantage. Okay. And that is a uh Okay, that's gonna be a 16 to hit. Uh, that's gonna hit 11 points of piercing damage.

SPEAKER_03 39:54

It makes me feel bad that I'm having my dog maul you.

SPEAKER_12 39:58

Um Geekly goes down.

SPEAKER_02 40:01

Oh no, I should have been attacking the meteorites on their heads, huh?

SPEAKER_12 40:05

All the spystanders are like, that dog just attacked that little girl.

SPEAKER_03 40:09

Oh, I should have been attacking the meteorites on their head.

SPEAKER_12 40:14

Did that man shoot that cute little girl with an arrow? I'm not a man, I'm also a kid. He's like seven feet tall. Yeah, but I'm a kid.

SPEAKER_02 40:21

Well, I guess that's my turn. Guys, maybe we should shoot the meteorites. And I prepare to cast Goodberry's next round.

SPEAKER_15 40:28

He's like a young Victor Wembinama.

SPEAKER_12 40:30

Next in the initiative is uh is Grungley. Why don't you join us?

SPEAKER_03 40:36

Why don't you come get me then?

SPEAKER_12 40:37

Why don't you come over here?

SPEAKER_03 40:39

I'm not gonna, that's why I made you slow.

SPEAKER_12 40:41

I just feel like you should come over here.

SPEAKER_03 40:42

I don't want to, that's why I made you slow.

SPEAKER_12 40:44

I want to introduce you to my father.

SPEAKER_03 40:45

I wanna stay by the ice cream truck because the guy left, and I think that he left it open. And then he'll be your father too. Who's your dad? Is he the prince of anything?

SPEAKER_12 40:53

My father is the fatheroid. And she points up to the observatory. And you see the giant meteorite that's like sitting in flames in the observatory also has a giant face. It kind of looks like the moon from Majora's mask. Oh. Um, and it's just like sitting in smoke.

SPEAKER_07 41:11

So it is a father, just not mine. We can't roll that out.

SPEAKER_12 41:15

It could be. Let me see your head real fast.

SPEAKER_07 41:18

Okay, look at it.

SPEAKER_19 41:22

Tina wonders why the moon is here if it's not night yet.

SPEAKER_12 41:29

Grunchly is gonna take out two Yomega yo-yos.

SPEAKER_13 41:34

I thought those were all sold out. Yo, mama yo-yos.

SPEAKER_12 41:37

Check out this new trick. It's called Rock the Cradle. Um, and they're gonna take two yo-yo attacks at uh lows. She her yo-yos have a 30-foot range. A 30-foot range! They're ranged yo-yos. They're ranged yo-yo yo. Should attack Jug and really walk the dog, you know. An 11 to hit and a 23 to hit.

SPEAKER_02 42:00

23 hits.

SPEAKER_12 42:02

23 hits, and it's gonna do it's gonna do five bludgeoning damage. And also need to do a strength-saving throw.

SPEAKER_03 42:11

I'm really good at these guys. Got a five.

SPEAKER_12 42:16

Um, you fail and you are also restrained. Ow!

SPEAKER_07 42:20

No, loaf! Oh, the ice cream's getting too sticky. No, that's not the ice cream. Ice cream didn't do anything wrong.

SPEAKER_15 42:26

Loaf, let the pain fuel your hate.

SPEAKER_12 42:29

You get totally tangled up, tangled up in one of the yo-yo strings, and grungely is like, now we can be together. Well, we're apart, but I guess we can be together apart. We can stay the same distance away from each other. It's okay. My sisters will come get you. They have a gift. It rocks.

SPEAKER_15 42:45

I feel it, I feel like we run out of rock p- They run out of rock pen rock puns.

SPEAKER_12 42:49

Yeah, it's getting a little sedimentary. Next next in the initiative is Dina Suprema.

SPEAKER_19 42:55

Oh my god, so much is happening. Dina's freaking out.

SPEAKER_12 42:59

So Sal, E, and Tony are fighting a little meteor type. The disgust triplets are on the pitcher's mound. You may or may not notice the loaf that a dog is mauling gangly.

SPEAKER_05 43:08

Dina runs over to the bench and she grabs her purse where it's sitting in pristine condition. And and she pulls out her pepper spray, which is her long-range weapon. She's worried about her friends and she doesn't even care. She throws her purse right in the dirt, right in the right in the dirt of the field.

SPEAKER_12 43:25

Her birkin?

unknown 43:26

Kur Birkin.

SPEAKER_12 43:27

Not the Birkin.

SPEAKER_20 43:28

Hey, a little ground pepper is always good. She has a moment of solidarity with Tony.

SPEAKER_19 43:34

It feels a little bit bad for being mean to him before. Oh, oh, she takes the pepper spray and she takes aim at the little rat creature on um Grungley's head.

SPEAKER_12 43:44

Cool.

SPEAKER_20 43:44

That's a 12.

SPEAKER_12 43:46

A 12 just hits.

SPEAKER_20 43:49

Oh, my hands are shaking because I'm a little bit nervous, but I got him. A great shootin'! You did good! Thanks, Tony.

SPEAKER_15 43:55

And I mean that in a very normal, above the board way. Tony likes pepper spray because it reminds him of his mom's cooking. It's true with a little oreganosum parmigiana cheese on there, it's real nice.

SPEAKER_04 44:07

I'd say you're making me hungry, but that's kind of Lo's thing.

SPEAKER_12 44:10

Go ahead. Go ahead and roll your damage.

SPEAKER_04 44:12

Ten.

SPEAKER_12 44:13

Uh 10 damage. You hit Grungley right in the head.

unknown 44:17

No!

SPEAKER_12 44:18

Right, right in the head, like where the where the little munch guy is, uh, the meteor type is attached.

SPEAKER_15 44:23

A very intense stream of peptides.

SPEAKER_12 44:25

But to everyone else, like run, like there's people in, like, any spectators are also like screaming and running around, and like other people are smashing everyone else in the head with these little rocks, and like picking up rocks and hitting each other in the head. The numbers of the crowd are growing around the baseball pitch. You all notice, too, um, the fatheroid up on the hill. It looks like some of the construction vehicles are like moving up there and moving towards the fatheroid.

SPEAKER_07 44:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 44:56

Um nothing to be done by that.

SPEAKER_02 44:59

I'm currently restrained. Ralphside stopping.

SPEAKER_16 45:02

Don't let those construction vehicles go up there. There's a cliff. If they go too high, all of our parents will die.

SPEAKER_04 45:08

Could couldn't be my dad. He drives at Mazda 3.

SPEAKER_15 45:11

I thought he drove an ice cream too.

SPEAKER_04 45:14

That wasn't the same. No, that wasn't his dad.

SPEAKER_15 45:15

His mom's chapter. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

SPEAKER_19 45:17

That's gonna be his new dad.

SPEAKER_04 45:18

Martin has his fingers in his ears going la la la la la la.

SPEAKER_19 45:22

Can I cast a spell?

SPEAKER_12 45:24

I think that was that attack was your action. If it's a bonus action spell, you can.

SPEAKER_02 45:27

Oh, I don't know. Hey, we're the Forinian military.

SPEAKER_16 45:31

Yeah, exactly. When you call them, you want them to show up. Oh, wait, we are. You're right. We are the Forinian military.

SPEAKER_02 45:37

He falls under our jurisprudence.

SPEAKER_16 45:40

And we've been here the whole time. And you know what? They say about jurisprudence. Is I a class. She's really pretty.

SPEAKER_17 45:48

She is pretty. I have her in P. E. I mean, I I have class queen. Whoa.

SPEAKER_04 45:55

You made with You made. You made with jurisprudence?

SPEAKER_14 46:04

You made? It was just a little. You made whoopie?

SPEAKER_07 46:09

Um, I made time with jurisprudence.

SPEAKER_02 46:11

I thought we all promised each other that we would tell each other when we made whoopie for the first time. What the hell, Stoney Tony? Does it count if it's with yourself?

SPEAKER_12 46:21

No. Next in the initiative.

SPEAKER_20 46:23

Um guys, I'm really sorry I boofed that. You didn't boof and so much differently. I feel so bad that she messed it all up. No, you didn't mess anyway. She's feeling very discouraged.

SPEAKER_03 46:34

Did you hear this? Tony Tony made it with Jared Prudence during TE?

SPEAKER_16 46:37

Just when I was starting to think that you were different, Tony. What? I can't I can't have a sexual encounter? That's not a problem. I mean, that's a problem.

SPEAKER_20 46:50

Maybe I need to, maybe I need to unpack some stuff from my my uptight noble family's values. Oh, you know what? That's fair!

SPEAKER_16 46:57

My mother's pretty seriously Catholic, and I felt a lot of guilt growing up, and I still do.

SPEAKER_12 47:03

Next in the initiative is Geekly, who is bleeding out from dog wounds. Jug ripped at her jugular.

SPEAKER_15 47:12

Good.

SPEAKER_02 47:12

That's why they call me jug.

SPEAKER_13 47:14

Go for the jug. Go for the jug. No, don't eat!

SPEAKER_15 47:19

Don't eat!

SPEAKER_01 47:20

I'm hungry.

SPEAKER_15 47:21

That's why I'm hungry too, but I don't eat.

SPEAKER_01 47:23

Where's my ice cream?

SPEAKER_15 47:25

That's why you need to train your dog.

SPEAKER_01 47:27

Uh next thing there's gonna visit Martin.

SPEAKER_04 47:29

When I woke up this morning, I never thought the Farimian military would be attacking a rock.

SPEAKER_05 47:37

Tina doesn't understand why her friends left. War with the rock? It's the year 2000.

SPEAKER_02 47:42

That's not gonna happen. Yeah, I went to New York last summer with my parents. It was magical. Everyone was so nice.

SPEAKER_16 47:51

Oh my gosh, the other day I was in the desert, I saw a storm. A crazy desert storm.

SPEAKER_15 47:56

Why were you in the desert?

SPEAKER_02 47:58

My in the desert.

SPEAKER_04 47:59

Oh. Were you making it with someone? Stony Tony's always making it with someone. He's my hero.

SPEAKER_16 48:06

I was doing a science project, okay? We were looking at stars.

SPEAKER_15 48:09

We live in Star Town next to an observatory.

SPEAKER_17 48:12

I'm the smartest kid in class. Well, me and Jerish were, you know? Jurish! Jurish. I called him by the first place when it's just the two of us.

SPEAKER_03 48:21

It's jurisprudence.

SPEAKER_17 48:22

Yo, we went on a date into the desert to look at the stars. Is it your lab partner? Hey, can you? You don't have to have sex with your lab partner. But then why were you doing an experiment?

SPEAKER_04 48:30

Were you experimenting with drugs?

SPEAKER_17 48:33

No! You want to know what I was doing?

SPEAKER_04 48:35

Were you making it?

SPEAKER_16 48:39

I jurisprudence and I played basketball together. On the sand? No! A couple weeks ago in PE class. And she made a particularly good uh basket that I assisted on. And we said, wow, look at this chemistry. Maybe we should explore this a little bit. And so I said, hey, my dad has a truck he left. I have a blanket. Let's take the truck from my house to the desert with the blanket to look at the stars.

SPEAKER_02 49:10

That's really romantic.

SPEAKER_16 49:11

She came over after school drove you there. I did, babe.

SPEAKER_02 49:16

It sounds like you're currently two-timing jurisprudence by flirting with Dina.

SPEAKER_19 49:20

I'm not flirting with anybody.

SPEAKER_02 49:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_19 49:23

This is just how I talk. If anyone was making eyes at me, it was Gangly. That's true.

SPEAKER_16 49:28

Gangly was making eyes at me. And she was just a normal lab partner that we dissected the pig together.

unknown 49:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_16 49:34

That's all.

SPEAKER_04 49:35

I've never done this trick in public before, but pick a card. Any card. And uh he's gonna cast spray of cards. You spray a 15-foot cone of spectral cards. Each creature in that area must make a dexterity-saving throw. On a failed save, a creature takes two D10 force damage and has a blinded condition until the next turn. It's a DC or it's a Dex DC-15 save. I'm gonna give the one on the ground a death fail.

unknown 50:06

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_12 50:07

You see that uh an ace of diamonds lands in Geekly's eye and just starts blinding out of the socket.

SPEAKER_04 50:14

Why aren't my parents together?

SPEAKER_12 50:17

We have to talk about Martin. Uh so Grungly got an 18 to save. Okay, so they take they will take half damage. Um and Gangli got a 12 to save. That fails.

SPEAKER_08 50:30

Okay, so 2d10. One is just six damage and the other gets damage.

SPEAKER_12 50:35

Is this your card? You see that Grungly takes a card to the jugular and is looking very pale, and she's like, hey, you seem cool. Do you wanna meet my dad?

SPEAKER_04 50:46

No, do you wanna meet my dad? We could meet him. Does your dad like rocks to the head?

SPEAKER_12 50:52

I don't know. We're gonna take my dad to the center of the planet, and he's gonna mate with Mother Earth, and they're gonna make more fatheroids, and he'll become the grandfather.

SPEAKER_15 51:04

So is their last time gonna have a hyphen like Martins does? Yeah, and then That is so improper.

SPEAKER_12 51:11

And then when the Earth explodes, all of his child fatheroids are gonna fly off to different planets, and they'll try to be fatheroids too.

SPEAKER_09 51:19

Like the end of Charlotte's weather. I don't want to do that with you.

SPEAKER_02 51:22

Yeah, Charlotte's kids explode out into the earth and then they go to make new spikes.

SPEAKER_14 51:28

And then wave goodbye at Wilbur.

SPEAKER_15 51:29

Come on.

SPEAKER_04 51:30

I've been hearing it.

SPEAKER_14 51:31

That's what I love about Charlotte is her authoritarian fist. They craft a big web that says bye.

SPEAKER_04 51:38

I've been hearing a lot about making it. This making it sounds gross to me. The only making it I care about is my parents making it.

SPEAKER_16 51:46

Hey.

SPEAKER_04 51:47

Like your parents.

SPEAKER_16 51:48

I got a truck and a blanket.

SPEAKER_04 51:50

My dad has a Mazda 3.

SPEAKER_16 51:51

Well, maybe we could get your parents in my truck.

SPEAKER_04 51:54

And they could make it.

SPEAKER_16 51:55

Yeah. Eo, gross. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 51:57

Tina, please, it's important to me.

SPEAKER_16 52:00

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05 52:00

I'm working through a lot of shame.

SPEAKER_15 52:02

Are you supposed to guess what card I have?

SPEAKER_19 52:05

What card, guys? Martine is doing crazy magic right now.

SPEAKER_04 52:09

I almost killed one.

SPEAKER_19 52:10

Favorite after school Snighty special.

SPEAKER_12 52:16

This is turning into a very special episode.

SPEAKER_20 52:18

It really is.

SPEAKER_12 52:19

Uh Martine, do you wanna do anything uh else on your turn? Martine will run as far away as possible. Great.

SPEAKER_05 52:27

It's okay, Martine. You did great.

SPEAKER_04 52:29

Thanks, Dina. I'd like to go next to Loaf.

SPEAKER_12 52:32

Next in the initiative is Grungely, who picks up two of these little meteor types and looks over at Loaf and Martine and goes, I'm like gonna rock your world. No, you're not. Um, and she's gonna fast pitch these two right at one for each of you. Go to hell! Sorry.

SPEAKER_19 52:50

Oh my god, you cursed.

SPEAKER_12 52:52

I cover my own ears. Um, so for Loaf, she got a 17 to hit.

SPEAKER_03 52:58

Um, that's gonna hit unless you decide to miss.

SPEAKER_12 53:01

And on Martine, she got a natural 20.

SPEAKER_04 53:05

Are you sure you didn't get those mixed missed around?

SPEAKER_12 53:08

I didn't. I got those missed around. Martine's gonna take 12 bludgeoning damage. Um I need Martine to make a wisdom saving throw. Actually, I need both of you to make wisdom saving throws. Um, and Loaf is gonna take just five bludgeoning. I got an 18. Uh, you pass. A 10. A 10 just passes.

SPEAKER_02 53:35

I I pick him up and I say, you can't bite me. You're not, I'm not food.

SPEAKER_19 53:40

And Loaf knows food.

SPEAKER_02 53:42

I know.

SPEAKER_19 53:43

Loaf knows food better than anyone.

SPEAKER_02 53:44

And I stand tall like a president.

SPEAKER_19 53:47

Like a JFK.

SPEAKER_11 53:48

JFK.

SPEAKER_02 53:49

I know food. Come here, little rock baby.

SPEAKER_12 53:55

Next in the initiative is Sal E.

SPEAKER_15 53:57

Okay, so I'm standing there, uh, and I'm still holding this rock.

SPEAKER_12 54:01

Stony Tony has walked over to you and with a spiked club smashed into your hand twice.

SPEAKER_15 54:07

No, I put my hand underneath their hand. I don't mind, I don't feel pain like this.

SPEAKER_12 54:13

Assuming you haven't decided to drop it at any point, uh, which we could say you did as a reaction on your last time. No, I'm still holding it. Great, yeah, you've got it then.

SPEAKER_15 54:22

I drop it on the ground, and with my hands, I pull it- I I press a button on my side can body, and it pops out a little uh it's like when you put push in a stylus and then it pops out, and then I pull out this big long spear, and it has a little electric thing on the end, and you can stab with it. And so uh Sally flips this spear around and she stabs down at this little meteor, and she says, I stab you and your friends and the other things, not because it is easy, but because it is hot. God bless Faremia.

SPEAKER_16 55:01

And then half of the House of Representatives stands up and starts applausing, and half of the Senate too. Oh, glory to Faremia!

SPEAKER_15 55:09

I got a 19 a hit.

SPEAKER_12 55:11

19 hits.

SPEAKER_15 55:12

That's six damage.

SPEAKER_12 55:13

It's it's looking real bad. You see cracks start forming around it.

SPEAKER_15 55:17

Then I do the same thing. I stab you in the rocks. Not because it is easy. Ah shit, I missed. Um, I can add some additional damage.

SPEAKER_11 55:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_15 55:30

Um, with my psionic power. So I use my psionic power. I see that this thing is still squirming on the ground, and you see Sally's eyes glow bright white, and sh uh her she sends a bolt of electricity through her spear through to the end, and she does an extra seven damage.

SPEAKER_12 55:48

That is enough to finish off the meteor type.

SPEAKER_15 55:52

Boom, bitch. I stab you and the other things. Not because it's easy, but because I like it. And then she uh yeah, she sends her electricity down through this pole and stabs it, and I think it just explodes. And then she hobbles, I guess, towards Dina.

SPEAKER_12 56:09

On initiative zero, you see that most of the townspeople at this point have rocks on their heads, and they are closing in on you.

SPEAKER_02 56:17

Hey guys, hey guys. Um, what's with everyone? Um I guess we just have to kill everyone here. What they live under rocks? Look, why don't you guys just like join us?

SPEAKER_12 56:27

Guys, I'm here. Maybe we should kill these kids and then run. We're all united under the fatheroid.

SPEAKER_15 56:33

I don't think the rock would do anything to me because of my metal brain.

SPEAKER_04 56:36

We're united under the flag of Faremia.

SPEAKER_15 56:39

So military.

SPEAKER_12 56:41

The fatheroid binds us as long as he in his majestic mission to mate with your mother earth is still there. Like, don't say mate, say make. They're gonna mate with the father earth. Mother Earth. Father, well, like two fatheroids can can get together, but it doesn't happen. Well, it does happen, but it doesn't always produce more planets.

SPEAKER_16 57:03

It's the 90s. It can happen, but it doesn't, usually on screen, unless it's a TV show dedicated specifically to that.

SPEAKER_12 57:10

And even then they're never having sex.

SPEAKER_15 57:12

I love that episode of acquaintances where the two mother earths got together. Anywho, we are queer as fault lines.

SPEAKER_12 57:21

We are children of the fatheroid, and we're gonna make sure that he gets to the center of the earth.

SPEAKER_15 57:27

Okay, so can you just leave us alone?

SPEAKER_12 57:30

No, you're gonna help us.

SPEAKER_15 57:32

We can't.

SPEAKER_12 57:32

All the beings of Earth are gonna help us.

SPEAKER_19 57:35

Listen, you keep threatening my friends, and that is pissing me the hell off. Yeah, you tell him Venus war, Venus war. That's right, I did it. I don't care how improper it is. Yeah. So what is it gonna take? What is it gonna take for you to leave us alone?

SPEAKER_12 57:51

We will not stop as long as the father is alive.

SPEAKER_19 57:54

Okay, guys, we have to kill the father.

SPEAKER_16 58:00

This is military.

SPEAKER_03 58:01

Hey, little rock, the people of Earth may help you, but this isn't Earth.

SPEAKER_02 58:06

This is Earth 2K.

SPEAKER_16 58:11

And we spell it with a U. And then it goes to commercial.

SPEAKER_04 58:14

Specifically, we're in New Foremia. Wait.

SPEAKER_16 58:21

But my family moved here from New Jersey, Long Island when I was four. I felt out of place and like I didn't have anybody.

SPEAKER_15 58:30

Right? When you guys found me on the sandy shore, I felt like I had never been at home before. That rhymed. Bars. Bars.

SPEAKER_02 58:39

I can't wait. That's where I saw your dad.

SPEAKER_12 58:41

I saw your dad outside a bar. Um somebody somebody roll me a d6. Four um four more townspeople with rocks in their heads show up on the baseball pitch.

SPEAKER_04 58:53

Uh guys.

SPEAKER_15 58:53

Oh, that's not good. That's not good.

SPEAKER_04 58:55

I can't wait till I turn 16 so I can go to bars. In new faremia, you can drink at 16.

SPEAKER_15 59:00

Faremia military, should we and you can drive at 13. We established that.

SPEAKER_05 59:05

And you can make it.

SPEAKER_04 59:09

Yes!

SPEAKER_15 59:12

If you can make it in new faremia, you can make it anywhere. Where I come from, we call it constructing.

SPEAKER_12 59:20

Loaf and Martin, uh, you also turn around and you see the curly swirly clown, uh, the ice cream man.

SPEAKER_16 59:27

The clown. I thought. Now we attack. Now we attack. Oh, I thought he left with your mom.

SPEAKER_03 59:32

Does that mean that your mom's here? You will never be my second dad.

SPEAKER_15 59:35

Wait, who your mom's a clown? I thought it was funny when he was when she was just talking to the ice cream man. I didn't know when that was a clown. That is not appropriate. She'll probably just getting it me ice cream or something.

SPEAKER_12 59:45

You see, the curly swirly man looks at both of you and just goes, Hey kids, do you want some Rocky Road? And he holds up two ice cream scoops loaded. Loaded with meteor types. Can I make a wisdom saving?

SPEAKER_16 59:59

Do you have Stracella?

SPEAKER_12 1:00:00

Yeah, make a wisdom saving.

SPEAKER_16 1:00:02

I guess I'm Napoleon. Make it some gelato. Yeah, a little Italian like shaved off the cone real nice. I got an eight!

SPEAKER_03 1:00:08

Um But my movement speed is zero, so I can't reach him.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:12

Um you desperately try to claw at that at that clearly, clearly, it is a meteorite with a terrifying face and little stubby arms, like on an ice cream cone wiggling, and you're trying to eat it.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:24

The cone, you're trying to eat the cone.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:27

You want to get that ice cream cone. Martinez trying is holding him back but doing nothing because he says he can't move.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:34

Next in the initiative is Tony Stoney. Stony Tony, damn it.

SPEAKER_16 1:00:38

Um, I want to speak with animals.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:45

You may use one animal on the field and he speaks English.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:48

You may use your action to do so. Keep in mind, animals have an intelligence of three or lower, so they can sometimes like me.

SPEAKER_16 1:00:56

I was gonna say, I don't have that high of intelligence either.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:01

So animals can sometimes be helpful, but sometimes are not very helpful.

SPEAKER_16 1:01:05

It doesn't say as far it doesn't say give me the range. It's just like what you don't want to be able to hear.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:10

It's self. So it's so you can so it's whatever you're just speaking, but animals understand it.

SPEAKER_16 1:01:14

I can't amplify it any louder. I run into the announcer booth of the stadium.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:23

This is fully a sandlot baseball field in a park.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:28

Okay, but no the ice cream truck probably has a loudspeaker. Oh, yeah, there's that too.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:32

I will say the ice cream truck. The ice cream truck has a loudspeaker.

SPEAKER_16 1:01:36

Oh my god, wait a minute. So, uh, Tony goes, hey guys, that was a great idea. Let's go to the truck and get to the top of the observatory. Run with me like a pack, because I'm a wolf. How and then I get into the um truck and then I want to uh communicate. All the canines of the area! Canines of the area and little things that crawl. Also squirrels, and if you have any little strength in your little body, come to the come to the car.

unknown 1:02:06

Tell them to bring their nuts.

SPEAKER_16 1:02:08

Bring nuts.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:10

There is still the curly swirly man is still in the truck.

SPEAKER_16 1:02:14

Alright, well, then I punch him.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:16

Don't worry, Shane. She has already rolled her attack.

SPEAKER_16 1:02:21

And then I rolled a 15 on my unarmed strike.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:23

But here's the problem with the action. You don't have an unarmed strike because you cast speak with animals.

SPEAKER_16 1:02:28

Surely I get to do two things. You can pick me up and carry me over there. Okay, no, I just go to the ice cream track myself.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:35

Okay, you're you are about 40 feet from the ice cream track, so if you have a movement speed of 45, you can go straight there.

SPEAKER_16 1:02:39

Great. That's what I want to do.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:40

Great.

SPEAKER_16 1:02:40

And I want to talk to my animals.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:42

Do you so you're gonna you're gonna choose instead of disarming the violent clown in the machine.

SPEAKER_16 1:02:47

Yeah, I have 65 hit points. I'm invincible. You have 65? Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:50

Barbarian. And do whatever you want. Yeah.

SPEAKER_16 1:02:52

Yeah, and I'm in rage!

SPEAKER_12 1:02:53

That's true. However, I believe if you don't attack on this turn, you lose your rage. If you cast a spell instead of attacking. I'm just gonna go to the city. If you cast a spell, you just attack. Technically, if you cast a spell, you will lose your rage.

SPEAKER_14 1:03:03

How do you do a compilation of Sarah getting upset at the rules of DMC? That's okay, I'm having so much fun.

SPEAKER_16 1:03:10

Um, okay, fine. I run into the ice cream truck and I punch the thing in the face.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:16

Punch the curly swirly band.

SPEAKER_16 1:03:18

And non-magically, I yell for the animals. Inning in common, that's fine, but I do that anyway.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:25

Okay, give me an animal handling check with disadvantage. Common is foremia. DC 15.

SPEAKER_16 1:03:31

Okay, I didn't get it.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_16 1:03:33

I burned the point of inspiration. No, I'm just kidding. Um, okay, and then I can can I use my great axe?

SPEAKER_12 1:03:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16 1:03:39

To attack the guy?

SPEAKER_12 1:03:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16 1:03:40

Uh the 14.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:41

A 14 is gonna hit. And I think it's impossible. He's a commoner. You're going it's going to be impossible not to knock him out in one shot.

SPEAKER_16 1:03:47

Oh, great. Okay, cool. Um, that's eight damage, and I get to attack again, right?

SPEAKER_12 1:03:52

He's and he's already knocked out.

SPEAKER_16 1:03:54

I'm gonna attack the stone on his forehead.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:57

Okay. Emma.

SPEAKER_16 1:03:58

Is it 22 hit?

SPEAKER_12 1:03:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_16 1:04:00

Okay, that's 11, 15 points of damage to the stone.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:02

Oh my god. Yeah, kill the stone.

SPEAKER_16 1:04:04

And then I go, that's so stony.

SPEAKER_15 1:04:08

Do they call you stony Tony because you smoke so much ganja? No, I don't do that. I guess we'll never know.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:16

He told me he was not experimenting with drugs. Yeah, he said not anymore. It's cool.

SPEAKER_16 1:04:23

They call me stony Tony because I didn't smile for six months after my dad left, okay?

SPEAKER_15 1:04:27

That is so sad. Even I, a robot who knows neither empathy nor love, can realize that that is sad. And also because I was in detention. Yeah! That's cool.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:38

Next in the initiative is uh loaf and jug. You are still restrained. Grungly is hanging on by a thread.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:46

I'm going to bonus action cast Hunter's mark on Grungly.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:52

Oh, I see that you've got your eye on me.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:55

Uh, I said I was your sister.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:57

Oh, did you say Grungely?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:58

Yeah, sorry. Oh, um.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:00

You're the one who's the yo-yo. Yeah, I have the yo-yo. I gonna kill you! Uh, and I'm gonna shoot her with my bow. I don't think I swing that way.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:08

I swing like this!

SPEAKER_12 1:05:10

Alright, that's- I just- I just play with my yo-yo.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:13

That is a 17 to hit. That's gonna hit.

SPEAKER_15 1:05:16

I think all the disgust teams are queer baiting.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:18

She She has one HP, so I think uh no matter what, you're gonna take her out.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:23

I take her the hell out. Um I do it brutally.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:26

How do you do it?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:27

Jugular. Arrow to jugular.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:29

Arrow to not even attempting to go for the meteor type, just straight up the meteor type, but I go, I don't wanna do this! And then I accidentally Um Grungly takes an arrow to the neck, and in like kid TV show fashion, they're like, She'll probably make it.

SPEAKER_14 1:05:48

She's convulsing on the ground.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:50

She's gonna be fine next episode.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:56

It's gonna be really nonspecific. Um Uh so the the yo-yo then drops?

SPEAKER_12 1:06:01

Uh yeah, the yo-yo drops.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:03

Okay. I'm going to uh uh leap in through the open window of the ice cream truck, and I'm going to attempt to hot wire the thing.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:12

The keys are in the ignition. Uh the car's on.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:16

This is the 90s. In the suburbs, the keys are in there.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:19

Yeah. I mean, he was just driving it around.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:21

I mean, between the the curly swirly man being unconscious on the truck and like him having driven it over here, the keys are it's still available. Probably available somewhere, but if you want to hotwire it. It's so much more fun if I hotwire it.

SPEAKER_16 1:06:35

I mean, go ahead and do what you want to do.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:36

I'll grab the keys.

SPEAKER_16 1:06:38

No, no, I'm in the driver's seat.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:39

Yeah, because I'm not 14 yet. I'm still 12.

SPEAKER_16 1:06:42

I know.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:43

But I just was starting it so that we could you could do whatever you want.

SPEAKER_16 1:06:47

Okay, you in the passenger seat.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:48

And then I hit the gash with my hand.

SPEAKER_16 1:06:49

You're in the footwell.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16 1:06:51

That's my big meaty thighs.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:53

I also have big.

SPEAKER_16 1:06:54

Oh, that's right. We're both pretty big.

SPEAKER_14 1:06:56

Like seven feet. There's two Galayas. We're both Galaya, two young Victor Wembenyamas crouched into this ice cream spot. I'm also in large form and rage.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:05

Can I tell you what I'm thinking? Yeah. I want to get the car started so that we can pick up our friends over there. So because I know they're kind of slow, I want to do whatever I can.

SPEAKER_15 1:07:16

Yeah, okay. Speak for Sally, not me. Sorry, I don't have legs.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:21

Um, I want to do whatever I can to before there are more like adults around, like before the end of the round, get the car as near to them as I can.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:30

You can, um, since you were already kind of like right there at the ice cream truck, yeah, you can use the full ice cream truck movement to scoop them. Can I also scoop my dog?

SPEAKER_10 1:07:39

Like Five Nights in Freddy's.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:41

Yeah, he's right there too.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:42

I've never driven before.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:44

And then I immediately uh whip it in a way that can we say it runs over something living. Grungly is still alive on home plate. Do you want to ram Grunley? I go, get out of the way! But then uh don't make any effort to steer away. Okay.

SPEAKER_14 1:08:01

I think Grungley and Gangly are still up, right? Here's the thing, though.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:04

Gangly just uh you used your attack on Gangly. Um so Gangly is down. Down, great. Um so Gangly and Geekly are about to get completely splattered. Because they're dead on the ground. Grungly's gonna make um a it's gonna be hard. A DC 15 uh dexterity save to try and get out of the way.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:24

Can we say that uh Martine was in the jump was able to jump into the car as well?

SPEAKER_12 1:08:29

Gangly fails. Um, so I'm gonna say that she's gonna take 3d6 bludgeoning damage by ice cream truck.

SPEAKER_15 1:08:37

Oh, I'm covered in hot fudge. Um I'm covered in blood.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:42

She takes 13 bludgeoning damage and is looking bad now. She gets hit and she stands up and like her makeup is like all smeared, and there's like a face print of hers on the hood of the ice cream truck.

unknown 1:08:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:54

And she's just like, oh, I see like it rough. Give me a kid. We're 12. Oh my god, I'm 12. I'm 14.

SPEAKER_18 1:09:01

It's the Shroud of Turin. Oh, you Catholics.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:08

I have a late September birthday. I don't.

SPEAKER_17 1:09:12

A miracle's been performed.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:14

I'm a Gemini, but weirdly, the only one who's not a twin in my family.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:20

Um, I'm gonna say making it over there is gonna be uh the end of your turn. Um because I am gonna make we can say that uh Martine was close enough to kind of like step on, but uh we'll have to uh sort of pick up Dina and Sally. But next in the initiative is Dina Suprema.

SPEAKER_19 1:09:36

Well, I'm I'm looking around and I'm like, is there gonna be enough room in the ice cream truck for me and for Sally, or should I take matters into my own hands and summon my steed?

unknown 1:09:49

Yes!

SPEAKER_19 1:09:51

You should do the game.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:52

Horse girl, horse girl, horse girl.

SPEAKER_19 1:09:55

I take I take my my horse whistle out of my out of my pocket. Oh my and I call for Chester, my beautiful pearl white, pristine mare. Chester! I can literally see it flapping in the cartoon win. I I look over, I look over on the hill and I see I see the most stunning, the most stunning thing I've seen all day. My beautiful white horse trotting over, ready for me.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:19

You see on the hill opposite. On the hill opposite.

SPEAKER_19 1:10:25

There's plenty of room in the car, lion and darn.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:28

Right in front of the sunset, silhouetted between a pink sky, you see a white mare rear back and go the first time I've experienced beauty. And and running switches the wind over to Dina. Um, and as it's running, Dina with one hand grabs onto the reins and just kicks over and is immediately riding. Are you riding? Um what's your what's your style? Are you doing uh side saddle or are you like No, I'm I'm full on I'm in warrior mode now. Full warrior. Okay, great.

SPEAKER_19 1:10:59

Wait, can I bring can I pick up Sally with me?

SPEAKER_12 1:11:01

I'm gonna say that Sally uh that because you had to use your action to summon the steeds uh and it's hard to get on a horse, that Sally is gonna have to use her own her own movement to get up there.

SPEAKER_15 1:11:12

It's okay. I'm in my world, we all depend on our own strength.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:17

Um, so right now you've got um an ice cream truck and a beautiful white horse standing next to each other.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:24

I can't emphasize enough how beautiful this horse is. He's stunned. And I can't emphasize enough how beautiful the ice cream truck is.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:31

Um next, right next to uh the ice cream truck, uh, Gangly is still up, and it is Martine's turn.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:38

I'll take care of this, guys.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:41

I just saw a thousand yard stare in your eyes. Like, I don't know if you can handle all this, Martine.

SPEAKER_15 1:11:48

He's sad. His dad clown just died.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:50

He's 12 and you're 14, and that's one of those age gaps where like two years is kind of. I don't want to make it with you.

SPEAKER_15 1:11:55

Like, she's not wanna make it with you.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:04

It's a bad vibe.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:06

It is a bad vibe. Stony, you said you liked fire, right? I do like fire. Check this shit out. Uh Martine is going to cast his cantrip firebolt.

SPEAKER_18 1:12:18

Whoa!

SPEAKER_08 1:12:18

That is a natural 20.

SPEAKER_18 1:12:21

Let's go.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:22

Uh, it is going to 20 damage.

SPEAKER_12 1:12:26

Oh my god. Martine? Yeah, that is double.

SPEAKER_14 1:12:30

Blow that bitch up.

SPEAKER_12 1:12:31

Martine is like, hey, watch this and snaps his fingers and a giant fireball surrounds Gangli, who is just screaming in the largest fireball you've ever seen.

SPEAKER_17 1:12:48

Oh, I'm gonna fail science!

SPEAKER_12 1:12:51

Her charred body falls to the ground, and one of the and one of the crowd members is like, she'll be fine next walk it off! She'll be fine next episode. Martine! We gotta check on Martine.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:03

Wait, Martine. We have to talk about Martinez. Yeah? I just found a napkin back here. It's your mom's lipstick and phone number. Right?

SPEAKER_04 1:13:11

I can't do as many of your fire bolts as I want. It's a cantrip. Why don't we just why don't we just pretend you didn't find that? Okay, I'll put it back.

SPEAKER_16 1:13:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_15 1:13:22

Maybe we should get going, guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:23

I love you guys.

SPEAKER_15 1:13:24

I'm trying to leave. No one wants to help me. I'm reaching, I'm sitting on the horse with my arm in chord. She's like in her movie. She's like a trap. Just waiting for you to take me. Mom, Big Well, I mean. I'm trying. Which one do you which which deed do you want? I'll probably get onto the ice cream truck because I'm familiar with the technology. Okay, fine.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:45

Uh next in the initiative is the burnt corpse of Gangly. Uh she gets a three on her death save. It's really ambiguous, guys. Um, and after Gangly is Sally.

SPEAKER_14 1:13:57

Sally's gonna walk slowly to get into the ice cream truck.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:01

Sally's gonna get in the ice cream truck.

SPEAKER_15 1:14:05

You have to pick her up to put her like up of that step though. Is there anything I should do?

SPEAKER_02 1:14:09

Uh put some gas in the tank.

SPEAKER_16 1:14:12

Time to do the seventh inning stretch and get out of here. Sally, hold on your arms out. My mom.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:18

We only have three chances. And you're our last chance. Sally.

SPEAKER_15 1:14:22

Do you need me to drive? I drive.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:25

Uh, do you want to take over the driving and start going?

SPEAKER_02 1:14:27

Yeah, I I do I do like an R2D2, like plug my arm into the cigarette lighter.

SPEAKER_14 1:14:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:35

This is the only way that this is possibly even remotely legal. Um, no defense.

SPEAKER_15 1:14:40

I was constructed 300 years ago.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:42

Um, so you peel out in this ice cream truck. Um, Dina, since Sally didn't have to wait for Sally anymore, we can say that on your turn you also um used your movement.

SPEAKER_16 1:14:53

I clip clock behind the truck.

SPEAKER_14 1:14:54

You're like running circles around the truck because you can go so much faster than that.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:58

Sally, give me a sleight of hand.

SPEAKER_14 1:15:00

A sleight of hands. 15.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:02

Sally peels out without a problem, is doing donuts, like does one big donut with the ice cream truck, shoots over towards the service road and smashes through the little wood fence. Uh, and Dina is just keeping up on the horse, like right next to it. Um, like floating. It's so, it's so swift.

SPEAKER_19 1:15:25

Even though, even though Sally um crunched through the wooden barrier, my horse still daintily jumps over as if it's competing in an equestrian competition.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:35

That's a beautiful foremium steed.

SPEAKER_16 1:15:38

I feel like you have plenty of gold medal and like blue ribbons from all your horses.

SPEAKER_19 1:15:43

Oh, I actually have an amulet. Oh, I have a yeah, my as I as I'm riding on the horse, Dina's beautiful um medal from her last competition sort of is just thwacking on her chest.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:53

That's the only holy emblem, right? That's your paladin holy emblem.

SPEAKER_19 1:15:58

That is incredible. It's my gold, is my gold medal. Oh, I love this horse girl.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:03

Jug. I'm sorry they don't have any bone and blood flavored ice cream.

SPEAKER_15 1:16:07

You can probably scrape some off the side of the bus from where you hit that girl.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:12

I think I've got the hunger.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:14

Okay, buddy.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:15

We are back to zero initiative, so I need two D6, two D6 minion rolls. A five. And a six. Eleven civilians join the fight.

SPEAKER_15 1:16:28

Go, go, go, go, go.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:30

So you're all speeding towards the observatory, right?

SPEAKER_15 1:16:33

Yes. I'm hitting Mach Point 23.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:36

Sally is going up the road. You have a decision to make. You are being chased by 15 meteor type-possessed civilians of Star Town. Um, they run over, they take all of your bikes, and they also fill up a Disgustines Dune Buggy. We had a Dune Buggy? There's a Dune Buggy. Sorry, it's the Disgustine's Dune Buggy. Oh, yeah. It's painted green and or it's painted black and it's got like green lightning bolts, and it kind of looks like the gravedigger. That's sick. But this looks a lot cooler because it's an ice cream.

SPEAKER_15 1:17:07

Ice cream truck. And it's making a lot of noise when it drives.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:09

I'm sorry, do the Disgustines have food in their Dune Buggy? There was no food in the Dune Buggy.

SPEAKER_15 1:17:14

Does their Dune Buggy go? Do do do do, do do do do, do, doo do do, doo doo, doo. Get your ice cream. Doo doo doo doo. Do do do do do do do do do do do do.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:23

Get your ice cream. Um no, it doesn't. It doesn't. I don't think I don't know that the ice cream truck does that too. Well, maybe on our uh That's what Sally's saying over her loudspeaker as well.

SPEAKER_16 1:17:38

Oh look, here's a different jingle. This one's the entertainer. Doo do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do ice cream?

SPEAKER_03 1:17:44

And look, here's another jingle. This one's the entertainer by Billy Joel. Because I am an entertainer and I'm in all around the world.

SPEAKER_16 1:17:52

Get your ice cream! This one is a spoken word poem. Tears drop down my face. The clown smiles alone again. I miss the days when I was young and my knees didn't crack. Get your ice cream!

SPEAKER_12 1:18:07

So you have a choice to make. Right now, um, I'm going to limit the number of townspeople based off the number of vehicles that I had placed in the baseball area. So all of you had bikes uh and the Dune Buggy fits five people. So right now there's five people in the Dune Buggy and five bikes chasing after you. You are coming across the first curve in the road that curves around the hillside. If you maintain the same speed, they're gonna catch up to you next round. If you slow down, you will get advantage going around the curve, the save you'll have to do, but they will catch up to you this round.

SPEAKER_15 1:18:44

What if I just put the brakes on and then they all slam into the back of the truck and die, and then we just go.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:50

That's fucking awesome. We should do that. I'll say that they're far enough back that if you do that just at a dead stop, they're gonna just surround the vehicle.

SPEAKER_15 1:18:58

So never mind.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:59

But I will say if you want to slow down to get behind them, they are gonna try and go, they're trying to surround you. So um the bikes will surround you. If you do want to slow down um and let them catch up and then try that maneuver, I'll say that the Dune Buggy will be right behind you, and you could potentially uh knock out the Dune Buggy with that move if you choose to slow down and before you do the brake maneuver.

SPEAKER_15 1:19:23

I would like to try that.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_15 1:19:25

The Dune Buggy is going to make I have an excellent relationship with open air cars.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:30

Great. I don't know how to respond to that. Uh the Dune Buggy is going to, or the driver of the Dune Buggy, I should say, is going to make a dexterity-saving throw.

SPEAKER_15 1:19:39

Y'all are basically in a Waymo right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:42

Have you ever made it with a Dune Buggy?

SPEAKER_15 1:19:44

As I said, we call it construction, and no, the only person I have ever loved was a pencil sharpener. Sadly.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:50

Wait, say more about that. Are you making it right now with the car?

SPEAKER_15 1:19:54

No. This is called a handshake.

unknown 1:19:56

Oh.

SPEAKER_15 1:19:56

Learn about it, nerd.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:58

I think I got one of those that came.

SPEAKER_15 1:20:00

Oh, this is called a hand job.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:02

Yeah. A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:04

Take it back, take it back.

SPEAKER_15 1:20:06

No. Stony Tony taught me that this is a handjob.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:12

These are so cool. You know they're teaching each other.

SPEAKER_15 1:20:15

So much sexual education. I don't have any of that. I usually ride on Stony Tony's sidecar on his bicycle since I don't have legs or knees.

SPEAKER_16 1:20:25

Say it less. Yeah, what neighbors? So I pick up Sally on the way to the field. It's called carpoolin'.

SPEAKER_15 1:20:31

I'm just one of the trash cans. I live live next to the other trash cans at Stony Tony's house.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:36

Oh my god, you live the life of Sluggo. Sally slams on the brakes. The Dune Buggy, the commoner driving it, fails his save. He rolled a 10 on his deck save.

SPEAKER_15 1:20:45

That's what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:46

Um the Dune Buggy took 3d6 damage and it took 16 damage. Cool. Um because it took more than 15 damage, it also has taken a mechanical issue and is going half speed.

SPEAKER_15 1:20:58

And everyone inside of it has CTE.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:00

And everyone whiplash. Yeah, everyone inside of it has whiplash. If you go a normal speed, like you can now pull away from the Dune Buggy in the next round if you just go at regular speed. You can outrun it because it has now been slowed down.

SPEAKER_15 1:21:12

I will go to normal speed. Entering normal speed.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:17

Oh, wait, no, you said normal.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:18

Oh. We are not there yet. Right now, what's happening?

SPEAKER_15 1:21:21

Something's just kind of wobbling. Guys, in like six seconds, I'm gonna hit normal speed.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:26

We're at the start, we're basically at the start of the round now, but we've already done damage and slowed the Dune Buggy. But what has happened is the Dune Buggy is caught up to the ice cream truck, and you are also surrounded by five commoners. First in the initiative is these five commoners who are all gonna take swings at the ice cream truck. They are not very good. So the Dune Buggy team did five damage to the ice cream truck. Um, and all the bicyclists also only did five damage. I rolled a lot of natural ones. So the townsfolk did not meaningfully do a whole lot to the ice cream truck, but it did take 10 damage. Um, the ice cream truck has uh 80 HP, um, and it did not meet the threshold for a mechanical failure. So that is the commoners. Next up is uh Stony Tony.

SPEAKER_16 1:22:14

Stony Tony is in the back of the ice cream truck. So once again, Stoney Tony with his normal speaking voice yells for all of the canines, creeper crawlies, or animals with muscles in their little bodies to come help.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:26

Make an animal handling the truck with disadvantage.

SPEAKER_16 1:22:29

That's a seven. If there's any pork, sorry, I mean pigs out there, or any beef, I mean cows.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:38

I'm so hungry.

SPEAKER_16 1:22:40

I could eat a rive pig.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:43

I want it live now. Um I have the thrill of the hunt.

SPEAKER_16 1:22:47

So Stony Tony opens up the ice cream freezers. Yes. And I'm like going through the the the shelves and the and the the freezers, and I pull out an ice cream scoop, but it's like one of the really um shallow ones, so it's kind of like a blade.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:01

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_16 1:23:02

And then an iron stone. I find a um I find a butcher's knife and what?

SPEAKER_04 1:23:08

Oh, I have to for the banana splits. For the banana splits.

SPEAKER_16 1:23:12

For the bone and blood ice cream.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:13

Maybe it's a good thing your mom didn't go with him.

SPEAKER_14 1:23:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:23:16

Um, there's also like a mask and there's like bags of money that say bank on it.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:25

Whoa, this guy's loaded.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:27

He must work for the bank.

SPEAKER_16 1:23:29

Probably. I think they have him transport money in unidentified vans to protect against robbery.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16 1:23:35

Martin, your stepdad is rich.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:39

He's not my stepdad.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:40

What is he then to your mom? What is he then to your mom? Maybe a fling? I don't know.

SPEAKER_15 1:23:47

If they were already married, then she will still get the his inheritance. I gotta go.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:52

I can just take the money now. He's dead, I think.

SPEAKER_14 1:23:55

Anyway, uh, going in there, Dina, are you gonna help?

SPEAKER_19 1:24:02

Are you just gonna run away from us? Dina go from the window. No, no, Dina's keeping pace perfectly with me. She just came trying desperately to help me.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:12

Dina's not gonna give you a Spongebob popsickle, but we're all out.

SPEAKER_19 1:24:16

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:17

You guys probably have that side window open.

SPEAKER_19 1:24:19

If Dina's on the right side, then you probably I reach I reach my hand aimlessly, but can't quite grab onto anything. We think he might be a killer who worked for the bangs.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:31

He also was just casual to Martin's mom.

SPEAKER_20 1:24:35

You think I'm wearing a killer tank? Thank you, it's designer.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:41

Definer, define what?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:45

What is what is Tony, what is Stony doing?

SPEAKER_16 1:24:48

When Stoney popped up, he was wearing the like paper hat, you know? And he was like, this reminds me of the summer I worked for my cousin for cash. And then he starts throwing out the um, they're my hand axes, but he's throwing the the butcher's knife and the ice cream scoop um at the folks that are next to us.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:05

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_16 1:25:06

I would like to go for the spokes of the bikes.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:08

Make an attack roll.

SPEAKER_16 1:25:10

That is a 15 to hit.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:12

That hits.

SPEAKER_16 1:25:13

And that is a five damage.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:15

Alright. For the bicycle, um, so for one of these bikes, you did more than half of the HP. So the chain on one of these bikes half falls off and is like clicking. It's like doing that thing with the between gears, and it's just like Chloe's nightmare. Um and is stuck, and this bike is now one of the bikes is now also slowed. Yeah. Uh next in the initiative is loaf and jug.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:36

So are we ruling these bikes as creatures? Um what I'm asking is if I cast entangled.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:45

We would count that we I would say we can count them as creatures for that, yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:49

Because each creature other than you in the area, I'm gonna go for the side that Chester's not on. What where where are the most of them?

SPEAKER_12 1:25:58

Yeah, so the dune buggy is right beside you. Um the right side is also where the window is. Um, I'm gonna say that that's also the side that Tony threw the the utensils out because there's not an access point for him on the left side. Um so we threw them out the right. So outside the right window is a is a slowed bike, Dina Suprema, and one other bike. Um and I'll say the other three went to the other side because uh there's less room over there because there's no Dina over there.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:28

I'm gonna cast it so that the edge of the area of effect is like just next to our tire.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:37

So that it's not hitting our van.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:39

And is that that's a saving throw then, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:26:41

The creature other than me in the area when we cast a spell must succeed on a strength saving throw or have the restrained condition and able to spell it.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:49

Only one of the bikes passed. Yay! The rider failed though. Nice!

SPEAKER_16 1:26:56

Excellent.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:57

So, um, we'll say that I take uh I reach into the freezer and a single tear falls from my eye as I take out a bunch of ice cream sandwiches. And I cr I crawl into the driver's seat and lean out the window and just start squishing them with my hands so that the ice cream like splurts out onto the pavement and they they skid to a halt.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:16

Love no you feel that your mom is shacking up with another man who's not your dad? Okay. Shacking up, it seemed like a one-time thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:28

They're not gonna make it. They're not making. They're not making.

SPEAKER_15 1:27:31

The only thing he made was it to the hell.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:34

Exactly, Sally.

SPEAKER_16 1:27:36

Yeah, guys, let's not make anything out of it that's not there.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:39

Uh, does Loaf and Jug wanna do anything else?

SPEAKER_02 1:27:42

Um, with a bonus action, I could command Jug to lean out the window and take a swing at a cyclist. Yeah, you could do that. Uh he does walk on two feet. 16 plus punch to hit not a bar.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:56

I was gonna say, are you are you are you targeting the bike or the rider? Uh Bike. One of the bikes out there is already damaged and has less than 10 HP, and then one of the bikes is good. The damaged one. You want to go for the damaged one?

SPEAKER_02 1:28:07

Okay. Ooh, that is 11 damage.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:11

Nice. Overkill.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:13

Can I change my Andrew to the one that had 10 hit points?

SPEAKER_12 1:28:17

Uh Jug puts on comically large boxing gloves and punches this bike and it just shatters under this rider who just falls to the ground as you're. Oh my god, his bone just went through his arm!

SPEAKER_02 1:28:29

Jug!

SPEAKER_12 1:28:30

I think I'll be fine, says See you next week!

SPEAKER_16 1:28:34

I think I'll be fine!

SPEAKER_02 1:28:35

Jug grabs the rock and throws it back at them.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:38

Smashes him in the face. He's bleeding.

SPEAKER_16 1:28:40

No one dies in this movie. They just get really big boo-boos. Double tap.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:44

Boo-boo. She's just does a little uh does a fish tail and like just so that the wheel of the ice cream truck flies over, crushes him as he falls over.

SPEAKER_14 1:28:58

I back up.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:05

Uh they're ambiguously maybe dead. They're ambiguously maybe dead. Uh next in the order is Dima Supremo.

SPEAKER_19 1:29:10

Oh my god. Yay! Okay, so what do we got going on over there, King? We got what the Dune Buggy's still happening, but that's on the other side of the book.

SPEAKER_15 1:29:16

I've never read Dunesbury.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:18

What'd you say?

SPEAKER_15 1:29:19

We don't have to worry about the Dune Buggy. It is ineffectual.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:23

I can't wait for Dune Buggy 3 to come out this summer. I love Timothy Salome.

SPEAKER_15 1:29:28

I think that. Dune Buggy?

SPEAKER_04 1:29:30

Like Dune.

SPEAKER_15 1:29:31

I think Mike movie's coming out in 25 years. What are you talking about? I think Martin is hurt. No, but there's uh he keeps talking about stupid movies.

SPEAKER_19 1:29:42

There's one dude movie um starring the guy from Twin Peaks that I think is coming out soon?

SPEAKER_02 1:29:48

Um, no, it came out in like the 80s? I think it was like the 70s or something.

SPEAKER_16 1:29:53

So that's a lame old dude movie. Guys, are you also kind of worried they're gonna ruin the Lord of the Rings with the movie that's coming out?

SPEAKER_02 1:30:01

Yeah, I think they're gonna make it too good.

SPEAKER_16 1:30:03

I don't think there's a way you could adapt that book into a movie.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:07

No, because it's just like there's so much, like, how are they gonna do Tom Bombadil justice?

SPEAKER_15 1:30:11

Exactly, guys. I've been reading this new book by this new author named J.K. Rowling.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:16

No, Chloe.

SPEAKER_15 1:30:17

And I think that she has a lot of good politics. I think I don't see any way in which she could disappoint me as an author or a human.

SPEAKER_12 1:30:24

Hey, the J.K. Rowling of Earth 2K um spells her name differently and died in not a V6.

SPEAKER_14 1:30:32

Actually died from black mold in her house.

SPEAKER_12 1:30:35

Absolutely, yeah, she's dead. Or maybe is in a turf. Nah, she's dead. Okay.

SPEAKER_14 1:30:39

In our world, her name is JK Trans Lives Matter rolling.

SPEAKER_12 1:30:44

Dina, what'd that thang do?

SPEAKER_19 1:30:46

Can I can I use a cantrip and use a javelin? Let it do it. Let it do it.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:52

Let it do it.

SPEAKER_19 1:30:53

I want to use my booming voice so they can hear me in the car.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:57

That's a freebie.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:59

I was gonna say, I'm gonna let you do that for free. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_06 1:31:02

Okay, everyone, it's Dina! Guys, guys, I have a I have a plan.

SPEAKER_15 1:31:09

Oh. Is this what your voice is gonna sound like when you hit puberty?

SPEAKER_06 1:31:12

That's right. This is what's coming for me, and once I menstruate. Interesting.

SPEAKER_12 1:31:19

Technically, it's been 18 seconds um since this began.

unknown 1:31:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:31:25

It's been three rounds, six seconds around. Okay. This is above board. Hold on. For the for the rules sticklers out there, Dina Suprema did use Thaumaturgy, um, which lasts 10 rounds. So Dina still has every right to their booming voice without having to take an action. It's just currently in effect. Whatever you say.

SPEAKER_14 1:31:42

Shane said rule stickers and I pointed at him.

SPEAKER_12 1:31:45

Whatever you say.

SPEAKER_16 1:31:47

If you're following along with your own pen and paper, you can mark that down as uh baseball game.

SPEAKER_12 1:31:52

Mark it down as a buffar. It's fully within the rules. Um, so you want to do uh Jablin text?

SPEAKER_19 1:31:58

No, okay, I actually changed my mind. I changed my mind. So I'm still using my booming voice. Everyone, this is Dina, the one on the horse.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:06

Oh, that deep.

SPEAKER_06 1:32:07

You sound like a ruler. Um, I'm about to cause some big light. So everyone, cover your eyes so you don't get blinded. Dina conjures a searing orb. Yeah?

SPEAKER_19 1:32:18

I conjure- I conjure- she conjures a searing orb in the air. She's just holding on to the horse with her legs, with her arms in the air, and it's glowing, and her fierce ponytail looks so cool. And she flings the orb back uh directly at the group of uh behind her. Yeah, it's like doing a blind basketball shot. She throws it just overhead straight behind her. She. At the bicyclist.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:44

She made the symbol of Faremia. The sun on our flag.

SPEAKER_15 1:32:48

Hails be to Feremia.

SPEAKER_12 1:32:50

I am the hero that was foretold. Uh, make a ranged attack. Uh ranged spell attack.

SPEAKER_19 1:32:57

Okay, here we go. 16.

SPEAKER_12 1:33:00

That's gonna be a 16 plus something that's definitely gonna hit everyone below. So, uh, what happens on a hit?

SPEAKER_19 1:33:06

Um on a hit, the target takes 3d4 radiant damage. Hit or miss, the orb then explodes in a flash of light. The target and each creature within 10 feet of it make a constitution saving throw.

SPEAKER_12 1:33:19

Uh, so do you wanna just hit one of these random commoners?

SPEAKER_19 1:33:22

Yeah, get him.

SPEAKER_12 1:33:23

Uh, do you want to do the driver?

SPEAKER_19 1:33:24

Yeah, get him.

SPEAKER_12 1:33:26

Uh, okay, so three d4 radiant damage?

SPEAKER_19 1:33:28

That's a nine.

SPEAKER_12 1:33:30

Uh, with nine damage, the commoner that is hit with the orb is completely knocked out, and he just falls out of the dune buggy, and everyone else in the dune buggy has to make a save.

SPEAKER_16 1:33:42

Are you asking us, Shane? Because yes, they have to make a constitution saving throw.

SPEAKER_12 1:33:49

Dina summons a giant orb of light.

SPEAKER_19 1:33:53

Don't worry, guys, my dad taught me how to do this.

SPEAKER_12 1:33:55

The symbol of Faremia. The symbol of Faremia as she rides majestically on the swiftest white horse you've ever seen. She tosses it at the Dune Buggy.

SPEAKER_19 1:34:05

No. No look. No look, Sha. I do a real, I do a real Marine Johannes here.

SPEAKER_12 1:34:12

Smashes the driver of the Dune Buggy with this orb, which explodes in bright light. The driver falls out of the Dune buggy and is incapacitated.

SPEAKER_16 1:34:22

Yeah. It's hard to do anything when you're completely ash.

SPEAKER_12 1:34:25

All four other people in this moving vehicle are also now blind.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:31

Um, and attempt we're coming up to the overlook. I feel like we should put a barrier here, but I guess not.

SPEAKER_12 1:34:38

Rushing towards the overlook.

SPEAKER_19 1:34:40

Guys, we better turn, huh? We'll see. Hey guys. I can't turn until it's my turn.

SPEAKER_12 1:34:45

Martin, it is your turn. You're coming up to this curb. Uh all the bikers have been incapacitated. And there is a dune buggy full of uh blind people. Full of blind people with nobody in the driver's seat. Um speeding behind you.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:00

Unfortunately, they won't be able to see my next trick. It's one that you guys have seen before, so please forgive me.

SPEAKER_08 1:35:06

Martin uh starts summoning a firebolt in his hand, and the heat coming off of it starts melting all of the ice cream to, you know, it's getting slippery.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:18

You can still drink it. And then Martine r leans out of the uh the window, the service window, and just throws it. I wanna hit the car.

SPEAKER_12 1:35:28

The dude with the vehicle. Yeah. Okay, uh, do an attack roll. Only a nine to hit. That is going to miss.

unknown 1:35:36

Fuck! It's okay, Martine.

SPEAKER_10 1:35:38

Whoa, whoa, Martine!

SPEAKER_04 1:35:41

My parents aren't gonna get back together if I don't do things good.

SPEAKER_10 1:35:44

No, Martine. I don't think that's the reason.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:47

I don't think they're gonna get back together because they're gonna be jacking up with anything. I'm bad. They changed my name from Martine Vemma to Martin's Feminine.

SPEAKER_15 1:35:54

Is it your mom evil and stolen by one of those rock people now?

SPEAKER_04 1:35:57

I don't know. I didn't see her.

SPEAKER_16 1:35:59

No, look, I know you kid, and there's nothing you could have done that would have made that happen.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:04

Can't even lift anything. Martine, wait.

SPEAKER_16 1:36:07

That's not true. You lift the weight of the world on your shoulders. I have a minus two to strength.

SPEAKER_03 1:36:12

Martine, let me see your eyes. My parents are happily married.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:15

Fuck you!

SPEAKER_03 1:36:16

No, wait, but there's more.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:18

And I have a lot of brothers and sisters, and we have a great family. Yeah. And I learned that family is what you make of it. Because you know the family members are.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:27

You wanna make it with my family?

SPEAKER_02 1:36:28

No, I'm not gonna make it with your family.

SPEAKER_03 1:36:30

I'm 12.

SPEAKER_14 1:36:31

Martine, get off family. You made it!

SPEAKER_03 1:36:33

No, but I'm telling you, I haven't made it with anyone.

SPEAKER_12 1:36:36

I don't want to.

SPEAKER_15 1:36:37

I killed so many families before I found you.

SPEAKER_12 1:36:39

Speaking of which, Sally, it's your turn.

SPEAKER_15 1:36:42

Um, Sally's driving, and there's you said there's bikes.

SPEAKER_19 1:36:46

A hand job.

SPEAKER_15 1:36:46

I'm giving the c I'm giving the excuse me, the ice cream truck a hand job.

SPEAKER_14 1:36:50

And then there's a bunch of bikes.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:51

Thank you for clarifying that.

SPEAKER_14 1:36:53

That's the pronouns is ice cream truck. And there's a bunch of bikes next on the other side, right?

SPEAKER_12 1:36:58

So the bikes on the other side all got entangled and stopped immediately.

SPEAKER_14 1:37:02

Okay, so what's left?

SPEAKER_19 1:37:03

I think the car, the car with no driver just sort of drifting back and forth. There's a carfle.

SPEAKER_12 1:37:09

If we just want to just kind of nudge it, back into our car. The pronouns are soft to service. Um is there is there one healthy biker still?

SPEAKER_14 1:37:18

I thought you mentioned there was one. My I mean what what Sally wants to do is if she can, is just drift the truck a little bit to knock whatever remaining bikers are around.

SPEAKER_12 1:37:28

So there is, I'm pretty sure that uh Jug punched one of the bikes on the right side, but I think the other bike on the right side hadn't been attacked yet. So I think there's just one very determined man on a bike still on the side that uh on the right side that didn't.

SPEAKER_14 1:37:43

Sally's gonna run him down.

SPEAKER_12 1:37:45

Great. Make an attack roll with the truck. I'm gonna say uh a plus three to attack with the ice cream truck.

SPEAKER_15 1:37:53

Sally only got a six.

SPEAKER_12 1:37:55

This this one really adept commoner um swerves out of the way and he's like, you will join the fatheroid.

SPEAKER_15 1:38:04

Sorry, everyone, these drivers are too determined. I will keep driving forward. Um and he's almost finished.

SPEAKER_12 1:38:11

And as you do that, um The truck.

SPEAKER_14 1:38:15

I know. It's gonna soft serve everywhere.

SPEAKER_12 1:38:18

So uh so because you slowed down, making this turn, I'm gonna need both Dina, who also slowed down, uh, and Sal E to make a dexterity-saving throw with advantage, DC 12.

SPEAKER_15 1:38:36

Sally got a 16, Dina got a 20.

SPEAKER_12 1:38:39

A fierce 20. A fierce 20. A fierce.

SPEAKER_19 1:38:41

Sally 20. Dina, Dina has been an equestrian as well as a tennis player since she was quite young.

SPEAKER_12 1:38:47

The the passenger in the Dune Buggy is gonna do this. He's blinded, he has disadvantage. He's not even sitting in the driver's seat. Um, but the most I can really do to him is give him disadvantage. He, but yeah, he he fails. Um the Dune Buggy smashes through the guardrail and goes cleaning off the cliff. Giant fireball. Um, they're all fine. It's very ambiguous. Bad! They we don't know that they died, they're all fine.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:15

Doug pulls out a nine millimeter and just points it down and unloads the clip with his little balls.

SPEAKER_12 1:39:23

We'll see. Oh, but yeah, the spicy list too, who um who's going normal speed to catch up, so he doesn't get uh advantage on this like you guys do. He gets a four. He's just gonna take the damage instead of uh uh dying immediately. Ooh, but his vehicle takes 10 damage and he is now slowed. Um he has a mechanical failure on his bike.

SPEAKER_15 1:39:44

And he's probably not wearing a helmet either, right?

SPEAKER_12 1:39:46

He's not. It would not fit over the small meteor creature that is biting into his skull.

SPEAKER_19 1:39:54

Wear your helmet. Yeah, Tina's definitely not wearing a helmet either because um her intelligence is three.

SPEAKER_16 1:40:00

She's been thrown a couple times with the horses.

SPEAKER_12 1:40:04

You safely maneuver around that corner and pull up into the parking area of the observatory. There are people running up the service road um trying to get to you, but they are one d4 rounds away. If somebody wants to roll a d4, four. They're four rounds away, and there ain't no way they're gonna catch up to you, probably. Everyone makes a distraction.

SPEAKER_05 1:40:28

What does that mean?

SPEAKER_12 1:40:29

You didn't do great. What am I?

SPEAKER_01 1:40:30

I have no idea what am I rolling?

SPEAKER_16 1:40:32

Tina doesn't know where she is anymore. We're not playing baseball anymore. Are we? Is the car stopped? Is the car stopped or are we still in motion?

SPEAKER_04 1:40:41

Martine got an 18.

SPEAKER_12 1:40:43

Anyone who got above a five uh notices that in the parking lot there is a crane. Hanging from that crane is the fatheroid, a giant meteor hanging from the crane like a wrecking ball. Uh, you see, there's there's also two uh two scientists with meteor types attached to their head and a construction worker operating the crane uh with a meteor type on his head. They have rigged up the fatheroid, and it is facing the truck and looking directly at you. Uh we'll say that in this short break, you may do use your ability.

SPEAKER_19 1:41:24

Yes, what do you do? Whatever it is, use it. Okay, um, so unf oh uh Gina does not perceive the crane and the impending behind her. She doesn't see it. Instead, she pulls out her flute and she gets ready to give a bolstering performance. And when I do that, up to up to six allies within 30 feet of myself can gain 10 temporary HP. That's good. Aww. Guys, I don't think we're in baseball anymore. But if I know one thing, it's that you guys are my best friends. And the fact that you guys are my best friends is the one thing I know. Listen, listen to these these notes that I will play for you now. It is the it is the anthem of great Varemia. Do do do do do do do.

SPEAKER_12 1:42:21

I grab Martine's. And that's as much as we can legally do. That's as much as we can legally do. I grab Martine's head and turn it towards you playing the flute.

SPEAKER_16 1:42:29

Get your eye scream here.

SPEAKER_14 1:42:32

Get your eyes cream here.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:35

Guys, I'm gonna be honest.

SPEAKER_14 1:42:37

And I grab your head and I turn it towards the crane.

SPEAKER_12 1:42:39

Any similarities.

SPEAKER_14 1:42:40

Oh my god!

SPEAKER_12 1:42:41

Any similarities from any actual media?

SPEAKER_19 1:42:44

It platters to the ground.

SPEAKER_15 1:42:46

It keeps making Wait, she wasn't really playing, she was faking it, it continues to fall down the hill. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh no, it's a player flute!

SPEAKER_12 1:42:55

The fatheroid turns to all of you and starts to speak. You there. Adolescence of Earth.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:02

You are not my children.

SPEAKER_14 1:43:04

No, no, no, my father was a toaster. My dad's gone. I have one father, and he's the prince.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:10

My parents are happily married. Sorry, Martin.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:13

If you try to if you try to date my mom, I'll fucking kill you.

SPEAKER_16 1:43:19

So improper.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:20

You children should be punished.

SPEAKER_16 1:43:23

Why? For what? I already have detention.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:25

Well, for being joy-loving kids, join us or die.

SPEAKER_16 1:43:30

Wait, join you is be is punishment?

SPEAKER_15 1:43:32

I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:33

No, the dying is the punishment.

SPEAKER_15 1:43:35

Oh no! Then you said we need to be punished, and then you said you we have to join you, which implies that joining you is a punishment.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:40

No, if you join me, you won't be punished. Do you even have your own cultural cuisine?

SPEAKER_15 1:43:45

Oh, great question.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:47

Yes, we we we feast off of the lifeblood of the living organisms and take over their bodies with a high feast.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:53

That is not food. No.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:56

Doug, that is not food.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:57

Alright, broad.

SPEAKER_09 1:44:00

There's no like je ne sais quoi to it.

SPEAKER_12 1:44:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:44:04

There's none of that.

SPEAKER_12 1:44:05

On initiative 22, Father Royd goes first. Um, and he's gonna spit out two boulders for media types at um he's gonna hit Dina Suprema for playing for playing that flute.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:19

No! You're an asshole!

SPEAKER_12 1:44:22

And he's gonna go after Loaf for judging his cuisine tastes. The good news is uh is the giant boulder got uh a natural two uh on the attack against Dina and totally whiffs. Um on Loaf, he gets a 23.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:37

When you say 23, are you possibly misreading that you rolled two attacks and got a two into three? Uh no, I got a 23 to hit. Oh. I mean, if that was right, then you would hit, but I'm not a hundred percent certain.

SPEAKER_12 1:44:52

I'm pretty sure it's right. Um and he's gonna do 11 bludgeoning damage.

SPEAKER_19 1:44:56

You have 10 extra? Are you possibly? Are you sure that's not you're reading one damage twice? Is HP help?

SPEAKER_12 1:45:02

Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_19 1:45:03

Okay, well, everybody, you got 10 extra of that.

SPEAKER_12 1:45:05

Oh, that's true. You had 10 P.

SPEAKER_19 1:45:08

From my bolstering performance of the Faremia National Anthem.

SPEAKER_12 1:45:12

And then if the creature is large or smaller, it has the prone condition. Also, make a wisdom saving throw. Uh, that's uh 19. Uh, you pass. This meteor type does not latch. Next in the initiative is uh the commoners. These two scientist guys, one of them is gonna run up to Stony Tony, and the other one, I guess, is gonna run up to Sal E. And they're each gonna take an attack. They're not very strong.

SPEAKER_15 1:45:36

I'm just a little trash can.

SPEAKER_12 1:45:38

Um, Sal E, the first one got an eight to hit.

SPEAKER_14 1:45:42

Misses.

SPEAKER_12 1:45:43

Stony Tony. The next one got an eight to hit, misses. Um, and the third one driving the crane is going to swing the fatheroid at all of you, make a dexterity-saving throw.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:56

Um, and I got a Nat 1.

SPEAKER_14 1:45:59

Sally got a 22.

SPEAKER_08 1:46:00

Martine got, I think, a seven.

SPEAKER_14 1:46:03

Martina got a six.

SPEAKER_08 1:46:04

DPK. DPK.

SPEAKER_16 1:46:07

Um, okay, I got a two.

SPEAKER_12 1:46:08

It was a DC 12. Anyone who failed takes 25 bludgeoning damage.

SPEAKER_14 1:46:16

Wait, how many do I have?

SPEAKER_12 1:46:18

Oh, I'm down.

SPEAKER_14 1:46:19

How many do I have? We're going to Sally is gonna watch this big ball slam into Martine. And as her reaction, she's going to do a psionic power protective field.

SPEAKER_15 1:46:34

One reaction. When you are another creature, you can see within 30 feet of you takes damage. You can take a reaction and expend one psionic energy die. Roll a die and reduce the damage taken by the number rolled plus your intelligence modifier.

SPEAKER_14 1:46:45

Minimum reduction of one.

SPEAKER_04 1:46:46

Hell yeah. Sally is gonna save me.

SPEAKER_14 1:46:49

Um, so that's four damage.

SPEAKER_04 1:46:51

Love it. I'm still up. I'm up now. Are you up?

unknown 1:46:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14 1:46:53

Yeah, so I think Sally sees this and I think a little she has probably has like an antenna and an arc of electricity goes from her little antenna to kind of create a shell around Martina.

SPEAKER_15 1:47:04

My wand. Yeah. Stay strong, even though you have no reason to.

SPEAKER_12 1:47:09

Perfect. Next up is is now Stony Tony.

SPEAKER_16 1:47:12

Okay, so I am in my rage. Uh, I have resistance to bludgeoning damage.

SPEAKER_12 1:47:18

So you take half.

SPEAKER_16 1:47:18

I take half, but then I also have stone's endurance. So when you take damage, you can take a reaction to roll a 1d12, and then add your constitution modifier to that. So that is a 12. So I can take zero.

SPEAKER_12 1:47:31

So you take zero damage.

SPEAKER_16 1:47:32

I take zero damage.

SPEAKER_12 1:47:33

I literally just great because you only have 65 hit points.

SPEAKER_14 1:47:38

I know. That ice cream truck also had stone's endurance. Stones endurance? Let's see how long this rock lasts.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:46

We don't reproduce like that.

SPEAKER_16 1:47:48

I didn't have it's not it's not sexual. My stone's endurance has nothing to do with my recovery time.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:53

But you made it seem like I was lasting long.

SPEAKER_16 1:47:56

No, I'm talking about how long you're gonna last alive. Oh. Because I'm gonna kill you. So you just attacked me and my friends, and it didn't do any damage. I've been hurt far more emotionally than you could ever do with your stupid little rock arms.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:09

Martinez barely standing.

SPEAKER_16 1:48:11

That is fine. That's him. That's how he likes to do things.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:16

Well, what are you gonna do about it?

SPEAKER_16 1:48:18

He likes to do things like this where he falls over. I'm gonna do something different. Let's see. Stone the stone. You wanna talk to stone the tone? I'll give you tone the stone. And I attack him twice with my great axe. It's a ten hit.

SPEAKER_12 1:48:33

A ten does not hit.

SPEAKER_16 1:48:35

Does a 26 hit.

SPEAKER_12 1:48:37

26 does hit.

SPEAKER_16 1:48:38

Okay. That's a five damage. What about your papa? Your paw.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:43

My father was a planet that they'll see over. He reproduced with the planet, and me and all my brothers burst from it. I spent thousands of years traveling here. That's right. I never really knew my father.

SPEAKER_09 1:48:59

Ain't that the way?

SPEAKER_01 1:49:00

Because he does he dissolved in the molten core of that planet and turned into all of us.

SPEAKER_09 1:49:06

You could say the same thing happened to my father. Dissolved in the molten core of a bathroom out of the local down the block.

SPEAKER_12 1:49:14

Next thing initiative is loaf and jug.

SPEAKER_03 1:49:18

I'm depressed. At least that's what I heard.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:20

Um, I'm going to pull out my my longbow and I'm going to shoot at the construction worker. Take a shot. That's a that is a natural one.

SPEAKER_12 1:49:31

Well, you get two shots though, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:49:33

Ah, I missed.

SPEAKER_15 1:49:36

15 hit.

SPEAKER_12 1:49:37

A 15 hit does hit the construction workers. That's what you're aiming for, right?

SPEAKER_15 1:49:40

We hate civil servants.

SPEAKER_12 1:49:43

That's not the message.

SPEAKER_16 1:49:44

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

SPEAKER_12 1:49:45

90 shows are very supportive of s of uh civil servants.

SPEAKER_16 1:49:48

No, they're not. Any kid could become a scientist.

SPEAKER_12 1:49:51

That's 12 points of damage. 12 points of damage is going to um damage the construction worker in a critical looking way that is vague.

SPEAKER_03 1:50:00

In the jugular.

SPEAKER_19 1:50:02

And then I'm going to have us hanging on by a little bit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:50:06

I can sleep this off, he says as he falls another 10 feet right on his head out of the uh crane. Awesome.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:12

Onto onto Jug's open mouth.

SPEAKER_12 1:50:14

Yeah. Chomps down.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:16

Jug, I'm going to say, Jug, get the scientists. They're up to no good. They're probably feeding Al Gore all those lies. Whatever you need to tell yourself. That's a natural 20. 17 points of damage. Is there cleave by any chance?

SPEAKER_00 1:50:30

Yeah, let's cleave.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:32

Then the second one would maybe be knocked prone because if the dog runs up to 20 feet toward the target before the hit, then they knock them prone. If you if you're if you niff.

SPEAKER_12 1:50:44

I don't uh it's because you were all kind of like at the ice cream truck. Um I mean, I guess he could have theoretically like made a loop around.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:52

He does have 40 feet of feet.

SPEAKER_12 1:50:54

Yeah, he could he could loop around, but I would say he'd have to take an opportunity attack if he loops around. Okay. Uh and these scientists, again, not very good. Uh that's a 13 to hit.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:06

Uh 13 misses.

SPEAKER_12 1:51:08

Uh yeah, so then we have this last guy. If you did 17 damage, uh it he's prone with one HP. Great.

SPEAKER_03 1:51:16

I can't kill you right now, but I'll kill you later. I feel fine.

SPEAKER_12 1:51:20

This rocks. Let's rock and roll.

SPEAKER_15 1:51:24

Are you a specific type of rock, or is it just general rocks?

SPEAKER_02 1:51:27

We will rock you.

SPEAKER_15 1:51:29

Dina guesses. Igneous.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:31

Where did Dina learn that word?

SPEAKER_16 1:51:33

Basalt! Igneous is the lucky guy.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:37

Good job.

SPEAKER_16 1:51:38

There were layers to that one.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:40

Like the mantle. The mantle is where my parents used to have a picture of all three of us. Before what? They got a divorce and I had to change my name.

SPEAKER_15 1:51:49

Before she met that clown.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:51

You sound more upset about having to change your name. Now everyone thinks that Thema Magician is a play on the magician.

SPEAKER_15 1:52:00

And it's not. Because you like magic. Why don't you just change the order? You could be Magician Thema.

SPEAKER_04 1:52:06

That's silly.

unknown 1:52:08

That's not good.

SPEAKER_12 1:52:09

Next in the initiative is Dina Suprema.

SPEAKER_19 1:52:12

Um, do we need to be healed or should I just attack? What's our situation?

SPEAKER_04 1:52:17

I'd love to be healed.

SPEAKER_19 1:52:18

Yeah, they need help. I'm fine. I'm also fine. Who's who's the most down? Is it Martine?

SPEAKER_02 1:52:25

I think we're both really fucked.

SPEAKER_19 1:52:27

They both need to.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:30

And so I don't know.

SPEAKER_19 1:52:31

Oh, Dina, Dina looks between uh between Loaf and Martine, between Martine and Loaf.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:36

Sort of a Dina's choice, huh?

SPEAKER_15 1:52:38

Pick the one you like.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:39

Which one of us are you gonna put on the train?

SPEAKER_15 1:52:42

Which one is most efficient in battle? Who's on the Dean's list?

SPEAKER_02 1:52:46

If he dies, his dog will still fight. No, it won't. I have to command him. I'll go into a blood frenzy.

SPEAKER_19 1:52:52

No, no! Okay, he might attack you. Dina looks at Loaf and sees that Jug is sitting is sitting there and uh maybe could defend him, and she wants to believe that's true. So Dina, Dina goes over to Martine. She says, Martin, Martine, wake up. And she and she lays her her dainty noble hands upon his forehead. Martine lights up like a dang Christmas tree. As the power of the Farinian healing pulses through him.

SPEAKER_12 1:53:22

Is this making it? No. No. No. I'm shocked. Lay on hands is a bonus action and an ability. Go. Which means you can give as much up to 25 from your pool of healing to Martine, and then you may also cast a leveled spell like Cure Wounds and heal uh Loaf as well.

SPEAKER_19 1:53:43

Dina runs between uh between Martine and uh and Loaf. And she reaches over to Loaf and and lays her Fermenian powered healing hands on him, and he surges back to back to full health. Uh I'll glory beat a foremia. Go a great Feremia. And and then uh D Dina reaches over to Martin and casts cure wounds. I pull a big band-aid out of my purse. Perfect! I pull a big band-aid out of my purse and I and I put it right over right over Martine's head, right in the forehead. You burkin band-aid. Are those the band-aids you usually use on the horse? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:54:24

These are usually for Chester.

SPEAKER_12 1:54:26

Martine gets 22 points of healing.

SPEAKER_08 1:54:29

Huge, huge for Martine.

SPEAKER_12 1:54:30

Um, and then I would say lay on hands low uh for like 20.

SPEAKER_19 1:54:34

Oh, how are you guys feeling?

SPEAKER_12 1:54:36

Uh so much better. I love you.

SPEAKER_03 1:54:38

Oh, thank God. Thank you, Dina. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:41

And um I just yeah, thank you again, and thank you for saving us both. I really thought that um there was a brief second there where I really I really thought that of the Sophie's choice, I was gonna be the one she chose to get.

SPEAKER_19 1:54:54

No, Loaf, come on. No, I appreciate it. Come on, of our friends.

SPEAKER_04 1:54:58

Oh fuck. Wow. Loaf's a great guy.

SPEAKER_19 1:55:01

Chris, I'm so happy I could play the flute, but it fell down the mountain.

SPEAKER_02 1:55:05

Oh, we can find it. We'll get it back.

SPEAKER_19 1:55:07

Remember because I dropped it and it went cling cling cling. You know what?

SPEAKER_02 1:55:11

We'll get it back, and when we do, we're all gonna go to my parents' bake shop and we're gonna have whatever the fuck we want.

SPEAKER_20 1:55:17

Whatever we want. We can make confusion. You know what?

SPEAKER_02 1:55:24

This has made me grow up. And you know what? There's another definition of made it. I think as friends, we've all made it.

SPEAKER_16 1:55:32

Yeah. We've done it. You're so real. We all came together.

SPEAKER_02 1:55:36

We came together.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:37

We made it together. Yes.

SPEAKER_15 1:55:39

We can meteorite, stop, stop.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:41

We're talking. I am the fatheroid.

SPEAKER_15 1:55:43

We can take over the crane and l attach you to the crane and then lower you down over the hillside so you can search for your flute.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:49

I will kill you all.

SPEAKER_15 1:55:50

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:55:51

I'd like to see you take it.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:52

Not if I have any about it.

SPEAKER_15 1:55:54

If you kill us all, then you'll have no one to make with. How are you gonna kill us if you don't have arms or legs?

SPEAKER_01 1:56:00

Hopefully he doesn't try to make with us.

SPEAKER_16 1:56:03

No, I if he kills all the people in the world in Earth.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:05

I'm not- I don't want to kill all the people on Earth. You see that army of people coming up the coming up the road? No matter what, he won't be making with us.

SPEAKER_12 1:56:14

I think we can make that clear.

SPEAKER_15 1:56:16

That's illegal.

SPEAKER_12 1:56:17

You look down the service road, there's like hundreds of people crowding this hillside, all with rocks in their heads. Coming up the service road.

SPEAKER_16 1:56:24

How did the Power Rangers do it?

SPEAKER_01 1:56:26

Next in the initiative is Martine.

SPEAKER_16 1:56:28

Martin!

SPEAKER_01 1:56:29

You know what? Big rock boy. Yeah, you guys have done 15 damage to me.

SPEAKER_04 1:56:34

I'm gonna do a lot more.

SPEAKER_17 1:56:35

I'm gonna do a moon.

SPEAKER_14 1:56:37

And how big is he?

SPEAKER_01 1:56:38

He's pretty big.

SPEAKER_14 1:56:40

But not that big. I thought he was like an actual moon size, but apparently he's gonna be picked up by a crane.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:44

I'm wrecking ball sized, I'm big.

SPEAKER_04 1:56:46

Martine thinks about how frustrated and scared and sad he is about his parents' uh situation and how it's affecting him that he is going to cast a level three mind spike, which is a wisdom saving 15.

SPEAKER_12 1:57:06

Saving throw, wisdom, he's got a plus four. That is a 12. That's a failure. Oh, 12. 12 total, an eight on the dice, plus four, twelve.

SPEAKER_04 1:57:17

Feel my pain. Feel my agony.

SPEAKER_12 1:57:21

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_17 1:57:22

I don't think I don't think I healed Martine as much as I thought.

SPEAKER_12 1:57:26

Are you forcing the fatheroid to like experience puberty as a 13-year-old human boy?

SPEAKER_16 1:57:32

I think it's it's it's remember where you came from.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:36

Yeah, remember the broken home you came from. Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 1:57:40

My mom might make it with the the ice cream, man. Alright, that's 4d8.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:45

That is 23 damage. Okay. Why do I smell? Everyone's telling me to wear deodorant.

SPEAKER_17 1:57:52

Ha ha ha ha.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:54

I never will.

SPEAKER_04 1:57:56

Unless it'll get my mom and dad back together.

SPEAKER_12 1:57:59

I never knew my father. I don't give a shit. Um, next in the order is Sally. Just the fatheroid is left.

SPEAKER_14 1:58:06

Okay, and he is he like in the air?

SPEAKER_01 1:58:08

I'm I'm hanging here, uh, several feet off the ground from a crane.

SPEAKER_15 1:58:12

How how high above the ground? I'm not very tall.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:16

I don't know, like four or five feet.

SPEAKER_15 1:58:17

Okay, I can probably hit that with my spear. Uh so Sally pops out on the other side of her another spear, and then they just start spinning.

SPEAKER_14 1:58:26

So she's like a like vertical saw blade. Um, and she's gonna just start going towards the rock.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:34

This is scary. This is intimidating. And she moves slowly, so it's just are you a human child?

SPEAKER_15 1:58:42

I am a robot. I don't know where I'm from. Uh first is an 18 a hit.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:46

That's gonna hit.

SPEAKER_15 1:58:47

And second is a 17 a hit.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:48

That will also hit.

SPEAKER_14 1:58:49

That's 10 damage. And although it had an action surge.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:53

Oh, yeah. Go for it. You're a fighter.

SPEAKER_14 1:58:54

I'm not. I am a fighter. Okay. I'm a psionic warrior.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:57

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_14 1:58:58

So she's still spinning. She's a little top. 25 to hit. Is it 25 hit?

SPEAKER_12 1:59:02

Uh 25 hits. Do you have to make me say it? You make me say it.

SPEAKER_15 1:59:05

Uh 16 a hit.

SPEAKER_12 1:59:06

Hits.

SPEAKER_15 1:59:06

Uh, so that's another eight damage. And then I'll use another one of my psionic blasts to do another uh 1DH. Let's go, Sally. Um, I was made for this. I'm glad you were bred for one. Destroy, Sally. Destroy! That's only another two extra damage. You like to keep checking up the bodies in the river. Amazing, so that's 22 damage total.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:26

You guys are making it. You guys are hitting harder now.

SPEAKER_15 1:59:29

I'm gonna carve a statue out of your stone. Wait, I have something else I want to tell you.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:35

What?

SPEAKER_15 1:59:35

Ask not what your rock children can do for you. But for w what damn it! Ask not what your rock children can do for you, but what you can do for your rock children.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:48

Uh hey, you guys killed my guy. Now I'm just kind of stuck dangling here until the other people get here.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:53

Maybe you should have thought about that. They're not gonna be here for like three more rounds, dumbass.

SPEAKER_12 1:59:57

Well, maybe one of you can work the crane. And he's gonna spit two more meteor types out.

SPEAKER_14 2:00:02

Can I move onto the crane?

SPEAKER_12 2:00:03

Yeah, you can move onto the crane. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_14 2:00:05

Yeah. Can you get up there? Can I get into the control booth? We have trouble with stairs when you learn.

SPEAKER_12 2:00:12

I'm gonna say you're gonna take an opportunity attack if you pass him. He's gonna stone club you. Uh does it 15 hit?

SPEAKER_15 2:00:19

No. Loser. We have a word for you where I come from. Do you want to know what it is?

SPEAKER_01 2:00:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_15 2:00:25

Dork.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:26

What? I'm not a dork. I I don't know even what that is, but it doesn't sound good. You're a dork.

SPEAKER_15 2:00:31

You've got him. No, I'm not.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:33

You're a dork.

SPEAKER_15 2:00:33

Thanks, Dina. I'm done.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:35

I am the fatheroid. I'm gonna spit a rock at you.

SPEAKER_15 2:00:38

I'm in the booth.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:42

Does a 22 hit.

SPEAKER_15 2:00:43

Again. You get two opportunity attacks on me.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:46

No, it's my turn.

SPEAKER_15 2:00:47

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:47

I'm just attacking you. I'm just shooting a rock at you.

SPEAKER_15 2:00:50

Yes, it hits.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:51

He does. Oh my god. He does 18 damage. You rolled really well. Make a wisdom save. I guess with advantage because you're a construct.

SPEAKER_15 2:00:59

Oh, cool. Uh 18.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:02

That's gonna pass.

SPEAKER_15 2:01:03

You can't get in my head. It's already fulfilled by ice cream truck.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:08

I'm gonna I'm gonna shoot one at this kid that made me uh uh have a wet dream.

SPEAKER_15 2:01:14

It was wet no! That's inappropriate. We're chilling. Who are you talking to?

SPEAKER_01 2:01:19

I don't know. You, you made me feel like a teenage boy. I didn't like it.

SPEAKER_04 2:01:24

I think that I was imparting on you the trauma that I've experienced as a teenager.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:29

You did all of that.

SPEAKER_04 2:01:30

Specifically the divorce stuff.

SPEAKER_17 2:01:32

Right. The other stuff he didn't get traumatized by.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:34

I never knew my parents, so the divorce stuff did nothing, but going up to the chalkboard with an erection, that was hard stuff, man. Yeah, hard.

SPEAKER_10 2:01:42

Hard indeed.

SPEAKER_15 2:01:42

And the math was not easy.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:44

Anywho, does a 12-hit? No. God damn it.

SPEAKER_15 2:01:47

It was also hard because you don't have arms.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:49

You got me there.

SPEAKER_15 2:01:50

Because he haven't done arms.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:52

No.

SPEAKER_15 2:01:52

He's a smear, boom.

SPEAKER_16 2:01:54

What?

SPEAKER_01 2:01:55

Uh it's it's loaf. No, sorry, it's uh Stony Tony.

SPEAKER_16 2:01:59

It's my turn. Okay, I think I'll just attack it twice with my great axe. You are the only thing standing between me and a cannoli. And I don't like it, because I want that now.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:11

Hey, just do you wait two more rounds and someone's someone's gonna come help me. I got a lot of children psionically connected. They're coming. Yeah. Look.

SPEAKER_09 2:02:20

I don't care.

SPEAKER_16 2:02:22

I got a natural 20.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:24

That's gonna hit me.

SPEAKER_16 2:02:25

Yeah, that's gonna hit you. Great. I was an 18.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:28

That's a lot of damage.

SPEAKER_16 2:02:29

And then a nine doesn't hit, does it?

SPEAKER_01 2:02:31

Nine doesn't hit. But I'm looking bloodied. Well, I don't really have blood, but I'm looking.

SPEAKER_16 2:02:35

Doesn't seem like people are gonna come help you in time, huh?

SPEAKER_01 2:02:37

No, they're they're they're on their way. Look, my kids are my kids take really good care of me, okay?

SPEAKER_16 2:02:43

Look, I saw what happened to my grandma. My dad didn't go take care of her and she died all. Oh, this is so sad. You mean your Nona? This reminds me of what happened to my Nona.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:55

You mean your Nona.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:56

Loaf and joke, it's your king.

SPEAKER_16 2:02:57

She lost that bingo. Lost everything. Thought people were coming to pay her out, but the family had fallen out and they didn't spot her.

SPEAKER_02 2:03:05

Um, so I'm gonna use my bonus action to cast Hunter's mark on the moon. Oh, I see you're looking at me.

SPEAKER_19 2:03:14

On the moon?

SPEAKER_02 2:03:15

Um, I'm going what I'm gonna do to cast Hunter's Mark is I'm gonna take a little bit of jam from my pocket and I'm gonna throw it at it, and then I'm gonna aim for the jam. Nice.

SPEAKER_01 2:03:23

What is what is this? This is organic material. It's jam. I don't fuck with this stuff.

SPEAKER_02 2:03:28

Have you ever had jam? No. You're about to have it. Alright.

SPEAKER_05 2:03:31

Oh my god, is he bleeding?

SPEAKER_02 2:03:32

Um, no, it's jam- don't worry not. It's jam. You know the difference between jam and jelly? Uh I can't I can't jelly this arrow up his ass. Yeah! Um That's a 19 to hit? That's gonna hit. And can I roll for the second one?

unknown 2:03:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:03:50

That is a 24 to hit. That will also hit. One of these I'm gonna add 1d6 cold damage to. Um, they're both gonna get the hunter's mark damage. Um, and then they're also gonna get the weapon it.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:01

Uh-oh. They're learning how to use their abilities. You kids are getting better. I swear, I was watching at the bottom of the hill, you were struggling down there.

SPEAKER_10 2:04:09

Don't take our successes as your success.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:13

I'm just saying, I saw that. And uh, I'm I'm real proud of you kids.

SPEAKER_04 2:04:17

I hit the winning RBI. I'm doing great.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:20

28 points of damage. I'm really I'm not looking. I don't like what you're bringing to the table. Then next we got Dina Suprema.

SPEAKER_18 2:04:29

Oh do it, Dina.

SPEAKER_19 2:04:32

Bring it home, Dina. Dina, D Dina looks around and oh, she's flueless, and she already used the pepper spray in her bag, but she looks around at the construction site and right next to her there are there's a there's a stack of of of metal stakes for a fence. She picks one up and she she throws it a la javelin right right at right at Meteor Papa. Not unlike a javelin.

SPEAKER_14 2:04:59

Not unlike a javelin.

SPEAKER_19 2:05:01

Perfaremia!

SPEAKER_12 2:05:03

Are you gonna throw it or do you wanna uh rapier style stab him with it?

SPEAKER_19 2:05:07

I attack rapier style with the fence post.

unknown 2:05:10

Ah!

SPEAKER_19 2:05:11

On guard.

SPEAKER_12 2:05:13

Since you fooly are the one who decided that you dropped your flute, I will let you I will let you use this weapon as a rapier because no mechanical reason did you lose your main weapon. You get this construction spike in your hand and and you realize it's got just about the weight, size, and feel of your flute. It feels familiar. You know how to use this. Dina starts playing it.

SPEAKER_19 2:05:38

Guys, why is it not working? Guys, why is it not working? Why is it not working?

SPEAKER_12 2:05:43

Um, so yeah, so make a make a rapier attack.

SPEAKER_19 2:05:46

19!

SPEAKER_12 2:05:47

That's gonna hit. Would you like to add any smite to it?

SPEAKER_19 2:05:52

You know I want a smite. Such is a divine smite. Instantaneous. The target takes an extra 2d8 radiant damage for my attack. Let's go. That's two. That's seven.

SPEAKER_12 2:06:07

Uh, so ten radiant damage.

SPEAKER_19 2:06:09

Nice! I'm high, I'm high with my victory. I grab- I grab another fence post and he's experimenting with drugs. And I I hit him with one of my best shots again. She's playing Harmony! 15.

SPEAKER_12 2:06:23

15 is just barely going to hit.

SPEAKER_19 2:06:28

Four plus three, seven.

SPEAKER_12 2:06:30

He is so very, very, very hurt as we move on to Martine.

SPEAKER_04 2:06:36

I'm not done with you.

SPEAKER_03 2:06:38

Wait, Martine. Yeah? Look down the hill. Who's that watching you? It's both your parents.

SPEAKER_02 2:06:45

With mocks in their head. They're finally together.

SPEAKER_15 2:06:50

Statistically, they've been called here for the big rock and not for you. But they're they're wide-eyed.

SPEAKER_07 2:06:55

They're wide-eyed. They're looking right at you, Martine. And they could have chosen to stand anywhere possessed, but they chose to stand next to each other.

SPEAKER_12 2:07:03

The parents are yelling at you. Join us, Martine. Join the asteroid belt.

SPEAKER_04 2:07:08

I joined. No, Martin, wait. No, Martin Wade. Martine, wait! Martin, those aren't your parents.

SPEAKER_03 2:07:13

Peace out, guys. No, Martine. Those aren't your parents. What we're saying is that if maybe you can show them how strong you are by killing the big moon, maybe they won't get divorced again. Does anyone have a digital camera and I could take a picture of it?

SPEAKER_15 2:07:26

My eyes are a camera.

SPEAKER_02 2:07:28

I have a digital camera, but it's one of those where it's like the plastic is transparent looking because everyone thought that looked really cool in the 90s and early 2000s.

SPEAKER_15 2:07:36

And they were right. It still looks cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it still looks cool.

SPEAKER_04 2:07:40

Martin is gonna cast Phantasmal Force. It allows me to create an illusion in the mind of the creature that I can see within range. The phantasms include sound temperature and other stimuli.

SPEAKER_08 2:07:52

The target can take a study action to examine the phantom phantasm with an intelligence investigation check against your save spell save DC. While they are affected by the spell, uh the target treats the phantasm as if it were real and rationalizes any illogical outcomes from it from interacting with it. An affected target will take 2d8 psychic damage if they don't save.

SPEAKER_12 2:08:14

What's the save?

SPEAKER_08 2:08:16

Uh intelligence 15.

SPEAKER_04 2:08:17

Martin is going to craft in his mind a feeling that he has felt. He's going to craft the rock daddy's own father. Yes. And he's gonna have to reckon with the fact that his dad came back.

SPEAKER_12 2:08:33

Uh he rolled a 10.

SPEAKER_04 2:08:36

So he fails. So this is 2d8 psychic damage. Oh, baby. 14.

SPEAKER_12 2:08:43

Martin, how do you want to do this?

SPEAKER_10 2:08:46

Let's go.

SPEAKER_04 2:08:49

Honestly, it's it's out of Martine's hands. He put the ball in play, and uh, the feelings that the rock daddy are uh are feeling are are his own, which I I have to assume, from experience, is a feeling of loneliness, and like you aren't good enough, and that if you had just been better, then they would have stayed together. And I think that that crippling grief implodes inside of his soul in a way that only a child of divorce can know.

SPEAKER_15 2:09:21

Rise up, father.

SPEAKER_12 2:09:23

I have failed the mission, and you see he begins to crack and crumble and shatter, and like a little bit of magma like leaks out of his mouth.

SPEAKER_15 2:09:34

Guys, we killed the moon.

SPEAKER_14 2:09:36

Sally kind of shakes Sally like shakes the crane, so it's like falls up here.

SPEAKER_02 2:09:42

Sorry, Martine. It looks like your parents were looking the other way, and also um I had the shutter on the digital camera the whole time.

SPEAKER_12 2:09:50

You see that Martine's parents and all of the other folks immediately fall to the ground unconscious. Probably fine. They're probably fine.

SPEAKER_15 2:09:59

It's okay, Martine. I took a picture. One day cameras will only be as big as me.

SPEAKER_04 2:10:04

Thank you, Sally. You're my best friend.

SPEAKER_15 2:10:07

Oh.

SPEAKER_10 2:10:09

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 2:10:09

Oh.

SPEAKER_10 2:10:10

Well, uh, Martin?

SPEAKER_04 2:10:13

I'm sorry, like, who saved your life back there? Dina, you're also my best friend. What have? Oh. What?

SPEAKER_12 2:10:20

As the father crumbles to dust, you see and hear the whirring of a black hawk helicopter. And it's fucking on.

SPEAKER_20 2:10:32

Oh my god, wait, guys, that's the actual Farimian military.

SPEAKER_02 2:10:37

I start firing a gun into the air.

SPEAKER_17 2:10:40

I'm arrested. Glory to Farimia.

SPEAKER_12 2:10:43

There is a woman hanging from the ladder, like from a rope ladder.

SPEAKER_14 2:10:47

I want her. She is in. Who's she?

SPEAKER_12 2:10:50

She has a long blonde ponytail, and it is the tightest ponytail you've ever seen. I want her. It's a Gordy Weaver. Her she's wearing like the men in black suit, like it's perfectly buttoned. The suit and her ponytail are just flapping in the wind as she comes down with one hand and lands in front of you and lets go, and the helicopter flies off.

SPEAKER_14 2:11:09

A little electricity comes out of Sally's antenna.

SPEAKER_12 2:11:12

Hello, children of Star Town. Is this your doing?

SPEAKER_02 2:11:16

No, we did not do this. We did not make this happen. No, it just came here. We are playing baseball. We didn't we stopped it, but we didn't make it happen.

SPEAKER_15 2:11:23

Enemy target was neutralized. Yeah.

SPEAKER_19 2:11:26

I don't know if you know, uh, if you know who I am.

SPEAKER_11 2:11:29

Oh.

SPEAKER_19 2:11:29

You my dad is a prince, so you could say that I'm a princess. And I'm gonna vouch for all of my friends here that we've done nothing wrong.

SPEAKER_12 2:11:39

Oh, I know who you are, Dino Suprema. I know who all of you are.

SPEAKER_15 2:11:42

I am a war machine built for violence. No, Sally, don't What? You know which Tony I am?

SPEAKER_12 2:11:48

Of course. You're stony Tony. Do you know my dog Doug? I do know Doug. You're normally so violent. Let me introduce myself. I'm Agent Venus of the uh Unidentified flying artifact research team.

SPEAKER_09 2:12:02

Like the brand new razors that just came out?

SPEAKER_12 2:12:05

Spencer said penis. Penis euphart. Euphart!

SPEAKER_14 2:12:08

I love your mag. Euphart penis.

SPEAKER_12 2:12:12

Yes, and I must say. Is that like a boy queve? You have really saved the department. That fatheroid came right at our observatory telescope. We didn't see it.

SPEAKER_17 2:12:25

How did you miss it?

SPEAKER_04 2:12:26

Did you have the blind kit before?

SPEAKER_12 2:12:27

Were you looking the other way? Were you looking the other direction?

SPEAKER_15 2:12:29

Well, it came too close in front of you that you couldn't see the whole picture. You get easily distracted. You thought the sky had just turned like brown colored, like rock. You thought the sky was rock colored now?

SPEAKER_12 2:12:40

Well, we didn't see it till the very end. It came within the path of the sun and it was obscured. It wasn't a very large object.

SPEAKER_16 2:12:45

Oh, you thought it was an eclipse-like kind of thing.

SPEAKER_15 2:12:47

You're right, it wasn't very large. It was just like a wrecking ball. One of those pizzas on the side.

SPEAKER_12 2:12:55

The cafeteria you fart is excellent. I'm in. Look, we can't always be everywhere at once. But you saved the day. And I was wondering, and she pulls out a little box and opens it up, and there's a bunch of little star-shaped communicator watches in there. Five of them, if you would. We have an educational unit if you'd be interested.

SPEAKER_16 2:13:18

Wait, so we could go into schools and teach kids about the importance of like working together and stuff?

SPEAKER_12 2:13:23

No, you would be junior agents of UFART. I'm sorry, but I you need six. I need we need six.

SPEAKER_10 2:13:29

For the dog. For the dog.

SPEAKER_12 2:13:31

Oh, I guess you've caught me unawares. She reaches in her other pocket and pulls out a collar with a little bit. I won't call you penis anymore.

SPEAKER_15 2:13:39

Someone affix this to my antenna. I can't reach the top of my head.

SPEAKER_19 2:13:43

Dina pulls out a a chic hair clip from her little purse and clips it onto Sally's antenna.

SPEAKER_15 2:13:49

I feel beautiful.

SPEAKER_12 2:13:52

Well, as an agent of the unidentified flying artifact research team, I welcome you to our Department of Education. Welcome to You Farthead. Oh, wait, is that where we'll end our session for today?

SPEAKER_04 2:14:08

Pronounced That was amazing Foley, Sarah.

SPEAKER_12 2:14:13

That was really good fully. Hey, thanks for listening. Hey, thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_19 2:14:17

And thanks for letting me learn how to play D in real time, guys.

SPEAKER_02 2:14:23

Thank you, Mary Turner, to Sarah for coming. I think we can all agree and say in unison at the same time what the moral of today's story was. Yes, that has to have a moral. And I think we all know it, and I think we could all say it at the same time, shall we? Maybe force. You can make it with your friends, but it's not sexual.

SPEAKER_16 2:14:44

Pay attention to the friends around you.

SPEAKER_04 2:14:46

Dog's allowed to kill people. You can make it with your friends not sexually, and it counts.

SPEAKER_14 2:14:52

The moon can make it.

SPEAKER_12 2:14:53

Thank you again, everybody, so much for listening. Great job, Shane. A couple of things, I guess, to plug. There is a Scattergood live review show on July 8th at 9.30 p.m. at Caveat. If you're in New York City or if you're in the New York metro area, please come see us.

SPEAKER_16 2:15:09

Sarah's come see us.

SPEAKER_12 2:15:10

It's our last show.

SPEAKER_16 2:15:11

Sarah wrote a song. It's really great.

SPEAKER_02 2:15:13

It is the last show that they're doing a caveat before an asteroid lands on it and starts putting. So if you've never been to it's a nice venue, you might want to check it out before that.

SPEAKER_12 2:15:23

Yeah, before it's not there anymore. Uh Sarah, do you have anything additional you'd like to plug?

SPEAKER_19 2:15:27

Well, we have a UCB cage match on Sunday the 5th.

SPEAKER_12 2:15:31

That's right. We also have USB Cage match July 5th at 7 p.m.

SPEAKER_16 2:15:36

When you come back to the city after 4th of July, just come back in time to see us.

SPEAKER_08 2:15:41

And I also have to plug one of my favorite two props, which is the H scap.

SPEAKER_14 2:15:49

And uh I don't know if you were gonna say this, Shane, but if you're listening to this for the first time because you, like all of us, are Mark Steiner heads, um, we do a main campaign and the uh the season three finale or arc three finale, I should say, is coming up next week. So there's a lot of other stuff to listen to if you're interested.

SPEAKER_12 2:16:08

Yeah, if this wetted your whistle for a one shot, uh why don't you get into the main feed? Get in the main feed. We if you if you're like, I want to listen to a podcast where I actually need a recap, that's that's not this. That's not this.

SPEAKER_16 2:16:24

And it yes, is over 12 feet.

SPEAKER_04 2:16:25

And we talk, we don't talk about making it at all.

SPEAKER_15 2:16:28

Never, we never make any jokes.

SPEAKER_02 2:16:30

Everyone in everyone in the main feed is virginal.

SPEAKER_12 2:16:33

Uh so check that out under totally real pretenses, uh, and we will see you over there. Uh so thanks again, everyone, for playing this one shot with me. Thank you, Shane.

SPEAKER_16 2:16:41

Thank you, thank you, Shane, and thank you, Sarah, so much for joining us.

SPEAKER_12 2:16:45

And thank you all for listening. Bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Oh, very quest cuties. Thanks so much for listening. Uh, we want to do a little bit of shout-outs at the end here. Uh, first is to Caroline Petroff, who did our amazing album art. You can find more of her at hell of a fever. Um, and also thanks to Tony Brofi at Tony or at Anthony Brofe, uh, who did our theme song for us. Uh, and as for us, you can find us at Chloe.donnell, at more morn, at sjordanx2, at Sarah underscore Katrenich, and at SpencerWilden. That's Chloe O'Donnell, Matt Morin, Shane Jordan, Sarah Katrenich, and Spencer Wilden, um, on the gram in those places. You have to use our handles for that. But then you can find us and you can see what we look like. Instead of just know what our voices sound like. Anywho.

SPEAKER_02 2:17:46

Bye. Shout out Jamie, who works at the hospital where all these crazy kids are brought back to life.

SPEAKER_16 2:17:54

Shout out to Emily, who works at the school cafeteria where all of these uh fine kids go and makes a better meatball than Tony's Ma.

SPEAKER_02 2:18:02

Holy shit. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_15 2:18:04

Uh, shout out to Catherine, who is the construction worker uh working the crane, who would have moved the fatherwood if he had just asked nicely.

SPEAKER_02 2:18:12

Shout out to Damien, who is actually the grandfatheroid. Uh, who's actually a pretty cool guy because once he got older, he kind of aged out of all the weird stuff.

SPEAKER_12 2:18:21

Shout out to Kevin, who uh was very ambiguously injured, definitely didn't die. Everything's fine with Kevin.

SPEAKER_02 2:18:28

And shout out to Phoebe, Martin the Magician's uh parents' defense attorney. Sorry, divorce attorney.

SPEAKER_15 2:18:35

Oh yes. Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:18:36

They are being criminally charged for getting a divorce. Yeah, in Earth 2K, divorce is illegal.

SPEAKER_14 2:18:43

Well, you still need uh a guilty party of a divorce.

SPEAKER_02 2:18:46

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_14 2:18:46

And the guilty party is Martin, because it's the kids' fault.

SPEAKER_02 2:18:50

In Earth 2K, it's always the kid's fault.

SPEAKER_15 2:18:52

I'm a real child of divorce, so I can say that.

SPEAKER_16 2:19:00

I love the idea that we're all like in, I don't know, like um like sharper toned uh animation style, like a little bit less resolved, but you're in like beautiful cursive animation when you're on the horse. It's like all swervine. It's like old hand-drawn Disney.

SPEAKER_04 2:19:16

You are Prince You are Princess Manonoke.

unknown 2:19:19

What's it called?

SPEAKER_04 2:19:20

Riding a wolf. Like we're like low budget Hanna Barberia. Exactly. Like low budget.

SPEAKER_14 2:19:26

Yeah, we don't have frames when we move.

SPEAKER_04 2:19:28

Yeah, I'm as Ed, Ed, and Eddie style.

SPEAKER_14 2:19:31

I think Sally's character model does not move. I think you she has to be moved. She's basically clip art.

SPEAKER_12 2:19:37

Yeah, it was just one of those clip art like old like uh adult swim cartoons that's just like barely animated. Yeah. Incredible. Um, or uh, what was her name? I'm not gonna get into it right now. Um Amy. It's not it. Don't guess names. Don't everybody start guessing names. No, that's already Rebecca.

SPEAKER_16 2:19:56

Tamara uh Martine. That's a deep cut.