TOQ Presents: Urth-2K

Vigilantes of Grimmsburg

TOQ Season 1 Episode 2

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0:00 | 1:52:12

In this one-shot - Lupa, Whisper, Shank, and Fernal Force gather outside the side of a gruesome crime.  A new villain in town going by the name Question Mark has kidnapped several important people in Grimmsburg and are holding them hostage.  Can they learn to work together to save the day? Find out now!

Cast:

Shane Jordan as the GM / @Sjordanx2

Sara Katrenich as "Fernal Force" / @sara_katrenich

Mike Magliocca as "Shank" / @fightinmike

Sean Michael Chin as "Whisper" / @seanmichaelchin

Alex Taylor as "Lupa" / @taylorrosealex


Music and Editing by Chloe O'Donnell

Additional music by Shane Jordan

SPEAKER_00

What's up, Dimension Surfers, and welcome to TalkPresents Earth2K, the tabletop one-shot anthology series exploring media in the tightest time period ever, the Aerosirk of the year 2000. Seemingly every week, a new devastating threat is neutralized and the world almost immediately goes right back to how it was. No recap needed ever. That's right, talkers. This is a no-diving stone.

SPEAKER_11

Whoa! Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

From the Batman and Nightwing to Jessica Jones and Daredevil, today's one-shot celebrates street level vigilantes. Gotham, Health Kitchen, and Bloodhaven have nothing on today's city. This is Earth2K, Vigilantes of Grimmsburg. Speaking of, let's meet today's cast. First off, we have an advanced actor combatant, stage combat instructor, and proud member of the Vixens on Guard, and a certified teacher elect.

SPEAKER_13

That's a joke!

SPEAKER_00

No, no, no, it's staying in there. Real ones know.

SPEAKER_13

Real ones know about certified teacher elect.

SPEAKER_00

Real ones know about certified teacher elect. Which this comes out the 31st. Will you be done by then?

SPEAKER_14

No. Oh. Be two weeks in. I'll have one more week plus to go.

SPEAKER_00

Interesting.

SPEAKER_14

I'll be in the trenches.

SPEAKER_00

Fascinating. Um, I didn't say your name. Alex Taylor.

SPEAKER_14

That's my name. Now I have to say what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, tell us, tell us a little about your character, your vigilante.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, um, she's uh D.Va. Um I am playing a like archery heavy ranger with a lot of hooded sweatshirts and bad attitudes. Good. But she really loves her younger brother. Okay. It's very important to her.

SPEAKER_00

Incredible. She's and she's, I believe, a little wolfy.

SPEAKER_14

Woo woo! Yes. Yes, she's a wolf girl. She's a wolf girl.

SPEAKER_00

Our next cast member is a fight director, certified teacher at Neutral Chaos Combat, and coordinator of the SummerSling Stage Combat and Stunt Workshop, Mike Miyaka. Yes.

SPEAKER_09

Um, I will be playing. Are we doing names?

SPEAKER_08

The Shrouded Shank!

SPEAKER_09

Um Philip used to be a uh uh uh a very well-known um super teenage superhero um with his twin sister, and is uh trying to make a new name for himself by going solo. And is just uh a little bit uh edgelording his experience trying to don the cape instead of just being uh sort of a teenage superhero sidekick. So um, you know, uh he's a soul knife when it used to be cute little uh pink stars that he would use to take down little teenage miscreants, are now full ass daggers and knives that he psychically rips people apart with.

SPEAKER_14

Okay, Beyonce.

SPEAKER_00

But it's psychic, so you know, it's not murder. Yeah, she's not Destiny's Child anymore.

SPEAKER_14

She's on She's Destiny's daddy.

SPEAKER_00

Our next cast member is a fight director, surprise. I don't know if you guys are seeing a theme here, and combat performer in New York City, Sean Michael Chin. Woo! Woo!

SPEAKER_06

Uh I will be playing uh Whisper, who is a uh new transplant to the city. Think Trenchcoats, think a golden coin flipping between the fingers, uh think shadows, and uh we'll see where it goes from there.

SPEAKER_00

And our final cast member of the day, we uh she plays Lucinae Not on the Trying Our Quest main feed, and she is my Scattergood castmate, Sarah Katrenich.

SPEAKER_04

Hi, hi everybody. Um yeah, I I I also do have done stage combat before. Like so I'm cool too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I didn't know that. That's crazy. Didn't know that?

SPEAKER_04

Why did she put that in the intro? Yeah, wow, Shane.

SPEAKER_00

No, okay, this wasn't in her version of the intro either.

SPEAKER_04

You just know my past. Yeah, when I was in Ohio, I was in uh a Shakespeare festival and we did I was in the fighting corps. So I know how to wield a a bl a dull blade or two. Um I'm playing fernal force.

SPEAKER_00

Wait, I'm sorry, can you say that one more time?

SPEAKER_03

Fernal Force.

SPEAKER_00

Fernal Force.

SPEAKER_03

Infernal force. What does fernal mean?

SPEAKER_00

Uh it's of ferns.

SPEAKER_03

Of ferns.

SPEAKER_12

I was like, infernal?

SPEAKER_06

Obviously.

SPEAKER_14

Oh yeah, guess I'll die.

SPEAKER_06

Infernal force is a different thing.

SPEAKER_04

Um, so Kelsey used to be uh a member of the teenage duo with her twin brother, Philip. And they had a lot of fame, a lot of success in it, but they she's also interested in finding her own way, uh, soaking up her own sunlight and planting her roots on her own.

SPEAKER_00

Did you have a team, a teen duo name?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, we absolutely do.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. We were the quick little justice.

SPEAKER_10

Quick little justice. Quick little justice?

SPEAKER_14

It's a beautiful example of an MFA acting exercise.

SPEAKER_03

Oh my gosh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. You you probably have heard of them.

SPEAKER_06

You can't go past a middle school in this town without seeing QLJs on every tween. Yes, the cool J's.

SPEAKER_14

No, no. I reject that.

SPEAKER_04

QLJ's.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah, the QLJs. Quick little justice. Quick little justice. Quick little justice. Welcome to a radical adventure. We zoom in on Earth 2K from space, passing bright superhero beacons of futuristic cities, small towns with big skate parks, and mountains with fresh powder just waiting to be shredded. We settle in the dark and rainy skies of Grimsburg, the dreariest city on the East Coast. Founded in 1810 by William Grimm, Grimsburg is famous for its historical Gothic architecture, renowned opera, and charismatic new mayor. Historically, the city's been plagued by corruption and organized crime. The police are paid off by the town's wealthiest and most morally corrupt. Mayor Mateus O'Meyer won his election in a historic landslide with promises of cleaning up the streets and the police simultaneously. But the citizens of Grimsburg are tired of promises, and many have opted to take matters into their own hands, heroically facing threats and corruption the police have been paid to ignore. We settle even deeper into the Grimsburg's South Side. To what appears to be an abandoned dive bar called Coterlini's Cantina. A worn and torn poster in the window says Trivia Night. Inside we see a man in a bright orange and purple striped suit. He fiddles with the gold stopwatch. What year did the Titanic sink? Your teams have three minutes starting now. He looks at the empty bar around him. Even the bartender left. He puts his watch back into his coat pocket. The back door slams open, and a large man wearing a black pinstriped suit and fedora waltz in. His fat fingers are weighed down even more by thick gold rings, and he fumbles, getting the large lit cigar out of his mouth. Well, well, Marco Demanda. Oh, uh, Mr. Cartellini, uh you here to play some trivia? Why, no, Demanda, I'm not here to answer your stupid little riddles. They're not riddles. It's trivia. It's facts, it's truth. Well, truth is, Demanda, I don't give a shit. What I do care about is my money. You promised me this trivia night would bring in customers. Now you're three times overdue on paying me back what you owe me. He looks over at a grainy CRT TV screen, and the news shows the headline, Vigilantes save Mayor O'Mare's life at opening of the new opera starring Scarlet Cantante. Now see, that's how you pull an audience. Politics, theater, drama, important people doing fucking anything. That's what brings the people in. No one wants to hang around and play games with a nobody like you. No, I'm telling you, trivia isn't the future. In like 20 years, everyone's gonna want to go to trivia night. Cartellini pulls out a gun and holds it at the man. I gave you your last chance. That's three strikes. I'm afraid that future is one that you're not gonna be around to enjoy. Boys! Take out the trash. Two more men come in, drag out the body of Marco Demonda. We cut to Grimsburg Waste Management. We hear the sound of a clunk, a trunk slamming, the screech of tires speeding off, and the body of Marco Demonda lies motionless, his head dangling off a pile of trash, and we see from inside his coat slips a gold stopwatch, a single bullet embedded in the back. Three months later, there's a lot of police chatter about something going down at Cartellini Cantina. And of course, it's located down a shady street known as Money Laundering Alley. Let's roll to see who gets onto the scene first. Let's let's just roll for initiative. 21. Okay.

SPEAKER_14

I also got a 21. That's hilarious. I got a 23.

SPEAKER_06

I also got a 23.

SPEAKER_14

No!

SPEAKER_04

Can I just say though, I have a plus six initiative, and my brother only has a plus five. So technically I win.

SPEAKER_09

So technically you do arrive for twins. Someone got out of the womb one minute before the other one, and she wants to lord it over me.

SPEAKER_00

So the first two on the scene, how do you guys like to show up to a scene? You um monitoring the police scanner scanners? Does the mayor or does the mayor's office call you directly?

SPEAKER_14

No, no, nobody's gonna be. Do you have a beacon in the screen? The mayor certainly is not calling you. I think I'm monitoring the scanners in the police chatter. But I'm I'm not I'm not showing up for for nothing. I'm not showing up. I'm I'm showing up to see like who needs something and who's willing to pay for what they need.

SPEAKER_06

Whisper overhears a lot of things just from being off in a dark corner, minding his own business, keeping his head down. Probably overhears a radio call from some beat cops.

SPEAKER_00

You guys walking right up to the scene, or are you gonna scope it out first?

SPEAKER_14

Loop I would like to watch from an adjacent roof. Classic. A classic.

SPEAKER_00

Very easy. Money laundering alley is a shady, skinny alley. So you're you're right across. Very easy to see from the room. You're looking straight down, yeah. Well, I guess you run into each other first on that roof. You arrive at the exact same time. Well, probably not.

SPEAKER_06

Because as long as Whisper is somewhere where there's some shadow, chances are he's invisible. Oh, that's interesting.

SPEAKER_14

I think I fear I'm not invisible.

SPEAKER_00

Fascinating. Do you want to be hiding from Lupa? Oh, yes. Oh. Oh dear. Oh, let's let's roll that then. Um, go ahead and make a stealth check and then Lupa make a perception check.

SPEAKER_06

I will roll the stealth check, but I also have my one with the shadows casting invisibility. Oh, you're straight on invisible. Magically invisible.

SPEAKER_04

Is this a is it a cantrip or an ability or a warlock ability.

SPEAKER_00

That's cool. What's Lupa get on perception?

SPEAKER_14

I 14.

SPEAKER_00

A 14. I think you you maybe feel a break in the wind, something slightly unnatural, but you shrug it off.

SPEAKER_14

Bad vibes on the street in general.

SPEAKER_00

Vibes are bad. Money laundering alley. Money laundering alley. Um, but you do see two cops down on the street talking outside. This is Cartellini's place. I'm not going in there. Well, it's technically our job to it's technically our job for shit. He's the boss man. He lines our pockets. Let's just say that we checked it out and stay out of it. Well, you are the senior officer, so whatever you say, uh, and they wander off.

SPEAKER_14

I think that Luba has certainly encountered Cartellini in his work before. This is the man of great means, right? Who's willing to pay for things to happen the way he would like them to happen. I think this is probably a reasonably frequent associate. I don't think she's afraid of going going in there.

SPEAKER_00

Alright. You knock on the door? The place appears to be abandoned.

SPEAKER_13

I was gonna do like a secret knock. What about for the secret?

SPEAKER_00

A little Toady guy pops out of the sewer grate. Oh, hey, it's Lupa.

SPEAKER_14

Hello, yes.

SPEAKER_00

Hey, do you see the mess that's in Cartellini's place?

SPEAKER_14

Oh, is it bad?

SPEAKER_00

It's not good.

SPEAKER_14

Is it ever? Is it ever good?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, no, it's usually bad. When Cartellini's involved, it's usually really bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this time it looks like it's Cartellini's guys.

SPEAKER_14

Oh. His guys that are that are Yeah. Oh.

SPEAKER_00

And it sounds like no one's heard from Cartellini since the incident.

SPEAKER_14

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00

His group's kind of freaking out.

SPEAKER_14

That's not good. If nobody's heard from him, how am I how how who's gonna pay me?

SPEAKER_00

You you are you're on Cartellini's payroll?

SPEAKER_14

Well, you I'm not out here talking about it a lot, but uh sometimes for Christmas.

SPEAKER_00

For Christmas. Anywho, I'm not going anywhere near that place. I looked in the window. Bloodbath.

SPEAKER_14

Oh.

SPEAKER_00

Can you smell it?

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Alright, well, I'm gonna go back in the sewers. If you need me, just knock. I think about this point in time, uh two more people show up at exactly the same time. Uh we see. Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry, about three to four paces ahead. Power walking.

SPEAKER_08

Slow down. What why are you here? I'm getting here before me.

SPEAKER_04

I am here before you. Not getting, I am.

SPEAKER_08

No, how do you always get here before me?

SPEAKER_04

Because I'm just faster and more initiate than you.

SPEAKER_09

I swear I'm right behind you. I'm I'm gonna see what's going on first, though. Okay, cover me. I think. I'm a faster looker.

SPEAKER_04

You're a faster looker.

unknown

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

I don't know about that. I can read the wind. Get out of my way. Get off me! Get off me. Okay, fine. Can I stand on your back and look in the window?

SPEAKER_03

I would like to roll a stealth check.

SPEAKER_14

I don't have to deal with that.

SPEAKER_08

No, we're not a team anymore. You want to look in the window, you look for yourself.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

You're right.

SPEAKER_00

Roll that stealth check. You you hear you easily I'm not gonna I'm gonna pass. No, no, no. You two have forfeited the right to a stealth check. We're gonna say that the perception check is unnecessary here for Lupa to hear you coming, but yeah, Lupa, go ahead and roll the stealth check. Okay, if you would like to look. Well, actually, I'll let you guys do a perception check on the scene in general. And if you roll better than 21, you'll you'll also spot Lupa.

SPEAKER_04

Well, that's impossible because I have a plus zero.

unknown

I got it.

SPEAKER_09

And I have a minus one.

SPEAKER_14

Very good superheroes.

SPEAKER_09

It's so rare.

SPEAKER_14

I got a nine.

SPEAKER_09

Also rolled a nine. And it goes down to an eight.

SPEAKER_18

Down to an eight. The dice tell the story.

SPEAKER_00

You you you go to get on uh I want to say Philip, but I'm sorry. Shank. You can just call me Shank. Just Shank. Just Shank. It's just Shank.

SPEAKER_12

Fern and Shank. If there's anything more like I'm desperate to be taken seriously as a teenage boy trying to be a man, Shank is absolutely uh Fern goes to get on Shank's back and totally slips, falls on top of him.

SPEAKER_15

Yeah, you push me off.

SPEAKER_00

They don't even see in the window, like they. And then uh uh and then we cut over to Whisper. Um, what was he been up to during these shenanigans?

SPEAKER_06

Whisper has been taking just the most detailed notes about the three of them ever since they arrived. Like, truly, this is what Grimsberg has to offer?

SPEAKER_14

Oh boy. Listen, I was doing real impersonation.

SPEAKER_06

As the twins are doing their um uh Tower of Terrible impersonation, uh Whisper just magically floats a little translucent mage hand to check the door to see if it can actually just open.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah. Nice. The door is unlocked, and it opens at the touch of a mage hand. That was crazy. I didn't open the door.

SPEAKER_14

I'm gonna go ahead and own that that was crazy.

SPEAKER_13

There's nothing in the window. Surely I can't go in.

SPEAKER_00

The door creaks open, and uh twins, you're you're at the window next to the door, so you see the door creak open.

SPEAKER_05

Oh! Oh okay.

SPEAKER_15

Our heads still pop in just the other Scooby just to go. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_09

Look inside.

SPEAKER_15

Okay, we we look inside.

SPEAKER_09

You go inside?

SPEAKER_15

We look inside.

SPEAKER_09

I I Shank goes inside. He's not gonna be second again.

unknown

Shank!

SPEAKER_00

You step inside and you see there's no bodies, but there's a lot of blood. Uh looks like a combination of cuts, gunshots, fighting, like there's like hand prints on the bar, broken glass everywhere. This was a fight between a lot of people.

SPEAKER_19

It looks like the end of a movie.

SPEAKER_09

Jesus, uh, it's everywhere. Where where are all the bodies?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, a lot of blood, no bodies.

SPEAKER_09

I think I'll look for escape routes or any like open doors to the basement or oh yeah, give me an investigation check.

SPEAKER_14

I would like to be able to see what they're doing. I I want to like assert some dominance. I would like to dramatically throw a dagger like through the the door, like into the wall, you know, like doing scary.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, make an attack roll.

SPEAKER_14

18.

SPEAKER_00

There's like a uh a poster in the back on the back wall that's like two people cheersing, and you throw a dagger and it goes right in between like the one guy's head, and he's just like, cheers. And you two notice.

SPEAKER_04

Whoa!

SPEAKER_07

Great purple dagger is just like floating over my shoulders.

SPEAKER_04

Uh, and a thorn whip comes out of my side. Uh and appear like where where his daggers are.

SPEAKER_09

Come on out.

SPEAKER_14

Who the heck was that? Listen, kids. This is not, you don't want to be here.

SPEAKER_09

Do we recognize how famous are you?

SPEAKER_14

I don't think I've I think I try not to be famous. I know who you are. Okay. Because my brother.

SPEAKER_18

Justice.

SPEAKER_12

My teenage brother, big fan of the QLJ.

SPEAKER_04

Unfortunately. It's a pretty act uh active fandom, I must say.

SPEAKER_06

President of the fan club at his school.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, he's really yeah, big, big fan.

SPEAKER_06

Is this your work?

SPEAKER_14

Why why? Because I'm where why? Because I threw a dagger?

SPEAKER_09

Because you're at the scene of the crime.

SPEAKER_14

I was here, so are you.

SPEAKER_09

You're in a sewer hiding like a rat.

SPEAKER_14

Whoa!

SPEAKER_09

What? What else lives in sewers?

SPEAKER_14

Lots of things. Lots of things lives in sewers. I live in sewer.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, look. Yes. We were also at the scene of the crime, but we didn't do anything.

SPEAKER_14

And you're walking around in the blood.

SPEAKER_04

Yes. So I can report that there's a lot of blood in here. I can see that. Thank you. Um, and it doesn't look a Why are you here?

SPEAKER_14

Because I need to figure out what's go what happened to Cartellini. Okay? He's he's an important uh it's an it's an important relationship. Something happened to Cartellini? Well, he's not here, is he? Well, there are lots of places he's not.

SPEAKER_09

This is his place and it's and it's sort of covered with blood. But I don't see his body. I don't see anyone's body. So you got an idea of why there's no bodies here?

SPEAKER_14

Well, I would assume that they've been removed, taken somewhere else. Are you gonna be good? Are you gonna be annoying? I heard you all the way down the alley yelling at each other. Oh. This is kind of an this is not like a loud operation. I don't run a loud operation.

SPEAKER_04

That's fine. You might you might think, okay, I see what this is. I see what's going on here. You think that we're QLJ.

SPEAKER_14

I know that you're QLJ.

SPEAKER_04

No, no, no, no. Did I hear QLJs in here? No, no, no. I love QLJ. They broke up.

SPEAKER_07

Oh, QLJ broke up?

SPEAKER_04

Yes.

SPEAKER_07

Could you get my niece? I I'd really like an autograph for you.

SPEAKER_09

There's no QLJ here.

SPEAKER_04

I'll sign as Fernal Force.

SPEAKER_07

But you're both here and you're QL, you're both here and your in your siblings.

SPEAKER_14

I no. Yes. No. Not in a matter of stinking.

SPEAKER_00

Todd McAllister, nice to meet you. I'm just kind of, you know, yeah, I keep my eyes on the neighborhood through the sewers.

SPEAKER_09

Listen, we're here to get our first case as solo superheroes. Exactly. I'm here to get my first case wrapped up as a solo superhero.

SPEAKER_04

And I'm here to get my first case wrapped up as a superhero, even a little bit more before you.

SPEAKER_09

So as long as you're helping me. Me.

SPEAKER_14

Lupa's like, why did I come out? Why am I here? Why didn't I just stay where I was?

SPEAKER_00

Anyone who's in the bar uh can roll an investigation check. I rolled one already. It was a two. I got distracted by the dagger.

SPEAKER_03

I rolled a 15. I rolled an eight.

SPEAKER_00

Uh Lupa notices that there are footprints in the blood that lead. To the back room.

SPEAKER_14

She just is going. We're not, I'm not she doesn't she's not saying what's happening. She's just following the footprints to the back room.

SPEAKER_00

Lupa confidently heads into the back room where she sees there is a box, a television in a VCR, and a VHS tape on the table that says playmate.

SPEAKER_14

Okay, Jigsaw. Oh. Okay, I've put the tape in the VCR.

SPEAKER_00

There's static for a moment and then Hello, brave officers of the GPD, or more likely the vigilantes of Grimsburg, brave enough to investigate a murder in a known Catalini front. Welcome to the show! I am Question Mark, your trivia master for the evening. Why don't we start this trivia night with a bang? Hey, if you should live, you can find me on channel 6 with the rest of the city. Now, for your question, during what year did William Grimm found Grimsburg? Oh yeah, and for some reason you have to hit pound after you put your answer in or it won't accept it. Anywho, good luck, Quizzilantes. You have 20 seconds starting now. The lid on the box in the room blows off, and it reveals a ticking alarm clock, a bunch of dynamite, and a number pad.

SPEAKER_17

Uh 1810! 1810. Is that right? I think so.

SPEAKER_00

18 something.

SPEAKER_08

History checked.

SPEAKER_17

Early 1810.

SPEAKER_00

I was gonna make you do a history check. The year is 1810.

SPEAKER_04

How did you know that? Because when you said it, I went, huh, that's more recent than New York City was founded.

SPEAKER_00

I thought it was being so sneaky. I was like, no one is gonna notice that me in the prologue is staying this year, and I'm gonna bring it back later. And I thought about not doing it at all and just making you do a role for it. Honor student.

SPEAKER_04

You know how this works. That's a veteran right there. It was just like, oh, that's more recent than I thought it was gonna be.

SPEAKER_00

Um, you remember a little uh mnemonic device to remember it? Uh William Grimm, we love him. He founded the city in 1810.

SPEAKER_17

And you know what I remembered.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_17

Are you sure? Yes, I I'm pretty William Penn, we love him, founded the city in 1810! Okay, okay, okay. That's how type that in a press map.

SPEAKER_00

It doesn't rhyme. The ticking stops.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, so information we just learned.

SPEAKER_14

We learned that Grimsberg was founded in 1810. I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, and we learned that there's a question mark floating around.

SPEAKER_14

Right. Oh, that's a person.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Mark.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, you think his name is just question mark? His name's Mark?

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, there was a weird emphasis in the tape, didn't you hear it? He was like question mark. Like it was like a fun Oh like a fun rhythm. The the the whole superhero name thing, I get it, but doesn't that sound like just a guy named Mark who thought it was a fun word in front of his name?

SPEAKER_09

Easier to remember. I've been having trouble remembering Shank. Snuck Phillip in there or something. Uh it's been really hard.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I don't know why you went with Shank.

SPEAKER_00

The daggers float silently over my shoulders. You also remember that in the tape he said you can find me on channel six, should you survive. Great.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, let's go back to the bar.

SPEAKER_04

I feel a little like gross going into what he's you know, like following his plan. You know?

SPEAKER_14

I mean, we need information, I get it, but try not to think of it as following a plan. Try to think of it as sniffing out uh clues.

unknown

Oh.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, we're gonna outsmart him at his own game. Question mark. We got this.

SPEAKER_14

Wow, that was really smart. Okay, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, that's what happens when you often work by yourself. You have to be smart. Let's go to the check the TV.

SPEAKER_06

When you come back out into the room, you find uh a man in a uh a black trench coat.

SPEAKER_18

Why are you here? You probably did it! Mark!

SPEAKER_06

Holding a glass with uh a brown liquid with a couple ice cubes in it. Not Mark. Oh.

unknown

Oh.

SPEAKER_06

Thanks for not blowing the building up, by the way. Why did I suggest though, next time you enter a crime scene, shut the door behind you?

SPEAKER_14

Hmm.

SPEAKER_06

Nice.

SPEAKER_14

Really missing a lot with the door, aren't I? Opening the door, closing the door.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, I had to do both. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Lots of notes. Oh, you know what? It's good to it's good to get feedback. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_09

That's really that's super smart. I like your aesthetic.

SPEAKER_00

Got it. Shut the doors. Whispers, everything that Chank is trying to be. What should we do next?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, channel six, right?

SPEAKER_14

Channel six.

SPEAKER_09

You want to watch it. We're all on the same page. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Did you hear anything from the TV in the back, or you just heard the dynamite situation?

SPEAKER_06

I'd like to remind you once again about open doors.

SPEAKER_14

Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Right. You can hear through. Right, right, right. You can hear right an open door. Let's turn the TV on.

SPEAKER_00

This guy's cool. Just turn on the TV. You turn on the TV and you see the end of a message, uh, because it took you a little while to get the.

SPEAKER_12

We were yapping too much.

SPEAKER_00

And you just, you just see, you see this man. He's in a green and orange striped suit. He's got big green glasses and a top hat that's also pinstriped with uh bright colors.

SPEAKER_14

My god, that outfit is so ugly.

SPEAKER_00

And he goes, You can find me there! And it goes, God damn it. But luckily it's on a loop and it starts again. Hello, citizens of Grimsburg. Boy, do we have a fun night of trivia coming your way tonight. You may notice my guests behind me. And you see behind him there's three people, all in bulky mascot costumes. One is an a MIME mascot, one is a giraffe mascot, and the third is a hot dog mascot with a mustache. If you can believe it, we've got some amazing stars joining us tonight. Between these three mascots, we have the mayor himself, Mr. O'Mare, the opera diva scarlet cantante, and our very special guest, Mr. Voto Cartellini. The big question of the night. The fun is, this is a trivia question that will be true in the future. Mr. Vautto Cartellini died on this date wearing what kind of mascot costume? Call the toll-free number on your screen and get your guesses in now. The mascot with the most votes at the end of the hour dies first. But don't worry, I'll give you three chances. Ah, goodness me, the calls are already flooding in. Hey Cartellini, look who can bring in an audience now. But let's not forget about our mini-game. There's only one place in town where these three mascots can get together. You can find me there.

SPEAKER_14

A hot dog with a mustache, a mime, and a third thing. What was the third one?

SPEAKER_07

A giraffe.

SPEAKER_14

The zoo. It wasn't a hockey player? Uh that was one also.

SPEAKER_06

Everyone roll history checks for me. Surely I actually heard it. Whisper's new to the city. He only knows a five.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, a nine. Lupa's not doing a lot of extra critical activities. 12.

SPEAKER_00

A 12. With a 12 and a 13, you two recognize two of the mascots. The mustache on the hot dog, you know as uh Uncle Weenie, who is the mascot for Uncle Weenie's, which is sort of like the Wetzels pretzels of Grimsburg. Um and ran deal with him once. Yeah.

SPEAKER_15

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It's from the brand deal. Um, and you also recognize the giraffe as the mascot for um salad jungle.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, the mall, the food court. The mall. Right?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09

I think that's where we shot all those promos.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, we we did a live show there for kids.

SPEAKER_09

We had salads and hot dogs, and I can't think of any other place that would have both of those things.

SPEAKER_04

Well, I had um I went to a movie and had an Orange Julius.

SPEAKER_06

Without me? Weren't they teenage superheroes?

SPEAKER_14

Have you done anything besides go do promo activities? Have you done any crime fighting? Yeah, we absolutely have crumb fighting.

SPEAKER_07

She doesn't even know what it's called.

SPEAKER_09

We're halfway through our first investigation. We got this. We're almost done. We've basically wrapped this up. Let's go to the food court. Whisper finishes his drink.

SPEAKER_04

Hey, Mark. I mean, sorry, not Mark. Are you coming with us?

SPEAKER_14

It would be nice to have another adult. Another? Excuse you! I'm older than them! Her voice gets really maybe you should have one of these. Oh, I can't till next year.

SPEAKER_06

This is like Arnold Palmer. It's two in the afternoon. So dark.

SPEAKER_14

But it looks so cool and edgy. The mall. It's the mall. You're headed to the mall. Yeah, it'd be cool if you came in.

SPEAKER_00

How do you guys get around? I imagine you, I imagine you on a motorcycle.

SPEAKER_14

Very motorcycle.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. Very motorcycle coated.

SPEAKER_04

Well, I haven't taken the bus.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, one of the police officers is like a big fan, so he just kind of like takes me around a crime scenes.

SPEAKER_03

Don't lead with that. Do you do anything?

SPEAKER_06

Whisper doesn't know where the mall is.

SPEAKER_14

Do you wanna Do you wanna follow me? Do you have a blessing?

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, he's just gonna he's just gonna wait until one of the others starts heading in a direction confidently. I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_14

I'm gonna get on the bike and go.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, well, it's the it's it's the the one on the south side, right?

SPEAKER_09

So we used to get around with our the limo drove driven by our our gnome butler and whose name is gadget specialist.

SPEAKER_00

Rad. You both get like little pings on your uh you have like little wristwatches and you get like little like ding ding ding ding ding go for fern.

SPEAKER_18

Oh hey kids, it's Rad! Hi, oh hi Rad. Hey, uh, do you need me to pick you up from the crime scene?

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, we need a ride.

SPEAKER_18

You need me to come pick you up. Yeah, that's it. Could you bring two cars? Just bring the stretch. Physically no. I'm just one gnome. That's all I got. I can't do that. We can ride one limo. That's great.

SPEAKER_04

We have lots of friends.

SPEAKER_18

Well, that's great. Do you want me to pick up some snacks on the way?

SPEAKER_14

Yes. We're going to the food court. Oh.

SPEAKER_09

Okay, fine. Kill the snacks, Rad. We gotta go.

SPEAKER_14

Okay, I'm just I'm just around the corner. I'll come, I'll be there in a second.

SPEAKER_09

Do you want to ride in our limo? Sure.

unknown

Yes.

SPEAKER_14

I'm not riding in the limo. Goodbye. Assume them all.

SPEAKER_00

Alright, so Lupa takes off on a motorcycle. QLJ and Whisper hop in the back of a limo, driven by Rad the Gnome, their butler, and they're following behind Lupa. So we see Lupa on a motorcycle followed by a stretched limousine. I think this makes you our security.

SPEAKER_11

I was just saying it's giving us 2 p.m.

SPEAKER_09

light traffic.

SPEAKER_04

I'm also picturing a white limousine. Isn't anybody else picturing white?

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, with but like a big QLJ.

SPEAKER_00

There's a picture of your faces with when you're like kids on it, just giving thumbs up. Just plants and sparkles.

SPEAKER_14

No. So funny. I'm like flooring. I'm like trying.

SPEAKER_04

I'm going as fast as I can.

SPEAKER_00

Brad is keeping up with you. This little gnome is a is a skilled driver.

SPEAKER_04

Every time you just make it through a light before it turns red, he also makes it through the light before.

SPEAKER_00

These banking terms, he's fishtailing out the limo side to keep up with you.

SPEAKER_11

God damn it.

SPEAKER_00

You roll up to the mall and the police are there. They they the whole city heard the message. They sort of figured out as well.

SPEAKER_11

Well, they heard the malls on TV.

SPEAKER_00

They heard it the first time. So it's surrounded by police and y'all roll up.

SPEAKER_14

Is it an outdoor mall? What's the mall situation?

SPEAKER_00

So this is this is um it is an indoor mall. The police are surrounding the entrance to the food court, which is the center of the mall, and then like the shops are kind of in the back and go out. But there's entrances on either end, too. The police are also covering. Um police are at each entrance. Do you roll up right to the food court entrance? Because that's kind of where you were going.

SPEAKER_09

Dap up one of the police officers. Be like, SUP. We're here to check out the we've got it from here. Can we introduce it? Oh no, wait, it's JQL. Yeah. Or JLQ.

SPEAKER_04

Well, actually, it's JL.

SPEAKER_07

Or QLJ.

SPEAKER_00

It's one of those combinations. QLJ.

SPEAKER_04

Actually, it's Fernal Force, but it's good to see you two dawn.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, are you guys are you guys not QLJ?

SPEAKER_04

Uh no, we thought we we would work better uh apart on this one. But don't worry, we got it covered.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, well, well, so here's the thing. Like, if you guys were still QLJ, I'm sure I could say, you know, go on right through. But um, I don't think I can just say uh Fernal Force is coming. Like, you know, the higher-ups aren't gonna like that. So uh you guys should stay out. Let the officers take care of it.

SPEAKER_14

I want to I don't want to talk to the police. I want to go around them. I want to go in a window. We're distracting them. Yeah, while they're yapping with the police.

SPEAKER_04

No, no, no, no autographs right now.

SPEAKER_09

Well, you know, but maybe if we show you some of our new powers, maybe you'll just be on on board. Yeah. Yeah. And we'll we'll try to cause a distraction.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, okay. You're intentionally trying to cause distraction? Yes. Um by showcasing your powers. Yes. I guess give me a performance check. How tall are the buildings here? So it is a mall in a big city. The mall itself is probably just a two-story mall. Okay. It's not too tall. But like the buildings across uh well, they're kind of far because there is a parking lot. Um, but I guess behind the mall there's some buildings that are like six or seven stories, probably. I'm gonna jump onto the roof. You're gonna go to the roof? I just got a ten.

SPEAKER_04

I got an 18.

SPEAKER_00

So you how what how what display of your powers are you gonna do to fancy them?

SPEAKER_04

I think it's that I just vine whip them. Thorn whip them.

SPEAKER_00

You're gonna vine whip the police?

SPEAKER_04

Uh I'm gonna vine whip the sirens so they start going off in their cars.

SPEAKER_00

Got it. What do what do Vernal's vines look like? Um Do they come out of her body or like do your arms turn into?

SPEAKER_04

Oh, yeah, her arms turn into vines. Very unsettling. Yeah. Like these. Like they're it's pothos.

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm. Oh, they're so skinny. Are the leaves like blades?

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

You have you have skinny pothos arms, but the leaves are sharp and bladed.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And you slam into a police car, um, or you slap the sirens of the police car and just like chop them off the car.

SPEAKER_04

No, it's dexterous. And so it's like, yes, it could be deadly, but I'm just flicking the switch.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, so instead of doing any power or any like show of force, you're just you're just growing a vine into the window and turn on the siren. Oh wow! Hey, hey, that was pretty cool. Hey, look at those vines.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, I couldn't do this before. Can I message whisper and ask if there's is there a vent or something up there?

SPEAKER_00

Do you have message?

SPEAKER_14

I do. Oh, I love message.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely good. Let me make a roll for these cops, actually, real quick.

SPEAKER_09

What's what's this guy doing over here? Just lightly juggling purple daggers in the background.

SPEAKER_00

Nobody's paying any attention to you. The cops got a natural six, so they're gosh. So they're distracted by primarily by fernal force. Nobody notices Shank. Uh, but the cops are distracted. Make a stealth, you two can make stealth checks. Um, or if you have that ability, you can just you can sneak right by. 19. 19.

SPEAKER_14

I rolled a natural 20. Yay!

SPEAKER_00

Natural 20. Okay, just t just tell me how you enter. Like, what do you do?

SPEAKER_14

Well, I have a my primary weapon is the longbow, and I have arrows, and I have a rope. And I'm gonna like tie the rope, like, tie the rope to my belt and shoot the arrow. Whisper, can you just can you just catch? Can you catch catch the arrow? Thank you. Shoot the arrow up to the roof.

SPEAKER_06

Whisper steps aside, lets the arrow go past, and picks up the rope once the arrow has landed.

SPEAKER_14

It just would have been cooler if you'd caught the roof. That's fine.

SPEAKER_06

Whisper's very willowy frame does not denote somebody who wants to snatch arrows out of midair.

SPEAKER_14

She should work on it to be really cool. Man, sometimes it is nice to have somebody with you, isn't it? Talking to myself as she's climbing the rope.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Up to the roof.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, with Whisper's assistance, you're you're both go completely unnoticed onto the roof. It's okay, Dawn.

SPEAKER_04

I know you're I know that there's been a lot of changes happening at home. I I know that Cindy is has Meredith now more than half full time.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah, the judge, the judge gave her three-quarters custody, so uh that's that's more than half full time.

SPEAKER_00

So uh yeah, so I don't get to I get I barely get to see her on the weekends anymore.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that's so sad.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's not good.

SPEAKER_03

No. How does Fern know this much about this grown man's life?

SPEAKER_14

I don't like their relationship.

SPEAKER_00

These two are real tight with cops.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, it's a bad vibe, dude.

SPEAKER_00

Why don't you two give me one more persuasion check and I'll say one? I can say one of you will make it. If you want to help the other, you can do that. But I'm stealthy, so I can You can abandon your brother and sneak in if it fails.

SPEAKER_04

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

Great.

SPEAKER_04

I think I just start walking away slowly.

SPEAKER_00

No, so what'd you get? Just a 13. Just a 13? Yeah, yeah, but I mean you know, um uh I saw your sister did some cool stuff. I don't think you your juggling act is uh gonna make it on itself.

SPEAKER_09

No, they're knives now, but like it's gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Are oh those is that what those are now?

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, well, like before they were like sparkles, but now they're like deadly knives. Hey, yeah, buddy.

SPEAKER_00

Um why don't you uh But they're psychic knives. Look!

SPEAKER_14

You're knifing the cops? I'm up there, like, well knifing, yeah, just sticking it on the room.

SPEAKER_00

You stuck it in he stuck it into himself, just shanked himself. Uh Vernon, what did you do?

SPEAKER_04

Um, I just started walking towards them all.

SPEAKER_00

Did you do a self-check?

SPEAKER_04

I did. I had a 15.

SPEAKER_00

Got another natural six on that. Yeah, so you you sneak away, and I guess you can find the rope and climb up after Lupa and get on the roof too if you want.

SPEAKER_04

Hell yeah, I do. Can I roll acrobatics? Get off my rope, get off my rope! Yeah, hey, look, from one vine to another, I got a 15 again.

SPEAKER_00

Lupa's like shaking the rope a little bit and you're just climbing right up.

SPEAKER_04

I think it's because like I'm my vines are entwining around the rope.

SPEAKER_00

Uh does anyone want to help Shank over there? Now you've got three wheels on the roof, just Shank talking to the cop.

SPEAKER_14

Yes, I'm I'm going to use the message. Stop talking to the cops.

SPEAKER_09

Whoa, who's that? Come on. Are you my conscience?

SPEAKER_03

Did my frontal lobe just develop?

SPEAKER_09

So this is what puberty is.

SPEAKER_14

No!

SPEAKER_09

Okay, what should I do?

SPEAKER_14

Go around the back.

SPEAKER_09

I'll drop another rope for you. Okay. So sorry, guys. Uh busy day. Gotta go. Alright, see you later. Try to give me a stealth check. Bring the limo around the back. Sneak out the side.

SPEAKER_14

Bring the limo! Did I say bring the limo around the back?

SPEAKER_00

Rad, Rad is Rad pulls up on the back and just goes, beep beep!

SPEAKER_09

It's an 11.

SPEAKER_08

What's your stealth? What's your you don't have anything? It's a plus five. I can't roll for shit.

SPEAKER_00

Alright, the cop's got a 16 this time.

SPEAKER_08

No!

SPEAKER_18

What? Where the guy? Oh, he pulled, he pulled up the limo around the back. He's trying to get that guy.

SPEAKER_04

Hey, QLJ. That's us. We're doing our special move.

SPEAKER_09

You're right. You guys are right. We're QLJ. QLJ. I was just pulling a prank on me. You know who I am.

SPEAKER_07

QLJC. Oh, your sister's up on the roof. Hey, look at that.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah. Just a little bit of a come on. You know who we are. Come on. You guys know uh CNN. We'll be out in a jiffy.

SPEAKER_04

If we do our tagline, will you just let us in here?

SPEAKER_00

If you do the tagline, I'll let you, I'll let Q. I mean, I'm gonna let QLJ take care of it. Okay, alright.

SPEAKER_04

Great, we got it. Quick, quick, little justice.

SPEAKER_07

We are here. Wow. That was incredible.

SPEAKER_14

That's not a Neppo baby superhero model. 12-minute episode.

SPEAKER_09

It has to be a quick theme song.

SPEAKER_00

Hey, can I uh just one more thing before I let you go. Can I get an autograph of uh QLJ?

SPEAKER_04

Uh yeah, sure. I I pull a little leaf off my vine and uh we sign it with his knife.

SPEAKER_07

Together.

SPEAKER_04

And I throw it down.

SPEAKER_00

Well, QLJ. This is incredible. My niece is gonna love this. Hey, hey, let us know how it goes in there. We're just gonna keep standing out here, probably not going in, doing nothing.

SPEAKER_09

Okay. We'll do. Thanks. You guys are the best. Are you two finished yet?

SPEAKER_17

Talking to the fucking cops! We're in, we're in, we're in. They've been up here for what feels like days. But what did you find out?

unknown

On the roof?

SPEAKER_06

Thanks for waiting for us. Alright, let's go. It's a 15 investigation for roof access, service entrance. Excellent. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11

There is anything.

SPEAKER_00

There is a door, um uh a roof access door to stairs that would that would take you down into the building. It is locked from the uh inside. So uh there is a door that you could utilize. Um there's also like air conditioning vents and things like that that you can potentially use. You have thieves tools? If you would like to try and rock this door open.

SPEAKER_14

Uh yes.

SPEAKER_00

I usually do like a sleight of hands.

SPEAKER_14

Okay, I did roll a 27 on the thieves tools. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00

Was it just unlocked?

SPEAKER_14

It was unlocked the whole time. You know me and Doors.

SPEAKER_00

You easily crack this door open with your tools. The door uh pops open and there's some stairs down in there that goes kind of into like if you take them down, it goes into sort of the back areas of the mall. Like, you know how the malls have those like back hallways for employees, and there's like the loading dock areas. Um, it takes you down sort of behind where all the stores are.

SPEAKER_14

You smell something? You said to sniff around, and that's I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_06

Just to be clear, do you have wolf powers?

SPEAKER_14

Sorta. Kind of. A little. I'm working on it.

SPEAKER_06

Let Lupa let Lupa do the sniffing then, perhaps.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, it would be better if I sniffed. But I love the effort. I love the energy.

SPEAKER_00

There's like a map of the mall that's like food court this way. You are here. Amazing. It shows you're exactly just like you're down the hall from the food court.

SPEAKER_04

I think I like open my mouth to like the hey, look at and then I don't say anything.

SPEAKER_14

Let me just keep walking. Let's keep we're gonna keep going.

SPEAKER_00

How would you like to approach the food court?

SPEAKER_14

I'm loath to say we should spread out after police debacle. But it does seem unwise to just walk in through the front entrance of the food court.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I think we take a second to look around and before we jump into it.

SPEAKER_09

Stealthily. Stealthily. Yeah, we should totally team up, and I'm I'm gonna team up with Whisper.

SPEAKER_14

Wow, girls and boys, how original.

SPEAKER_06

In this case, I think it's quiet and loud.

SPEAKER_14

Did you not see my Nat 20 stealth?

SPEAKER_06

No, I I didn't notice it at all.

SPEAKER_03

Hey.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, give me a let's get a group stuff check.

SPEAKER_14

Well, I got a 23. 15.

SPEAKER_06

11. 16.

SPEAKER_14

So overall, we score better. Yeah. Team girl.

SPEAKER_00

And I will say I'll just tell you the bad guys got a natural one. Oh, they don't be knowing shit. Are you are you splitting up into two groups? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09

Okay, cool. Well, because we know the hot dog stand and we know the salad bar.

SPEAKER_14

And then there's a third one, which was a hockey player. I think so, and then maybe a it was a mime. I said mime, and then you were like hockey player.

SPEAKER_04

Is there no hockey player?

SPEAKER_00

No, I think you were just thinking of heated rivalry.

SPEAKER_04

I mean, I guess I had that tab open in my head. Sorry.

SPEAKER_00

I think that's just always open for you, is there's always a hockey player. Or I said a hockey player and it was my fault, and I'm thinking about it here.

SPEAKER_14

Maybe, well, well, it is a it was mime. I wrote down mime.

SPEAKER_00

For Lupa, why don't you roll a history check with advantage? 15. You remember a a phone conversation right as you were rolling up to the bar, and we flashback to that. Hello? Hey, uh, hey sis. Um hey, I was just wondering, um, are you gonna be uh working late in the prison again tonight?

SPEAKER_14

Uh yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta I have a long night tonight. Are you okay? You need something?

SPEAKER_00

I'm fine. It's just like uh uh I ate the last of the snacks. Can you can you stop by Mimi's meatballs on the way home and and like pick up some food? Of course, Mimi's meatballs on the bottom. Okay, but can you like change the bag that you bring it home in? Because uh the meat the meatball stuffs are really good, but the the my mascot like scares the hell out of me.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we'll I'll throw the bag out before I come in.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, thank you. Um have fun at work. How's the prison?

SPEAKER_14

Oh, you know, so fun. Um, so fun. I love the prison. And it's and it's great, and there's no reason I I love the prison. It's great. I love it.

SPEAKER_00

It's cool. Uh just a question. Um how come you give me this uh pay phone number to call you and not the number to the prison? Like can I just call the prison?

SPEAKER_14

No, because it's it's a classified kind of thing, right? And I don't want anybody tracking you down. I don't I just don't want the prison to know anything about where we are or where we live. It's just nobody it's not the prison's business. Someone said. Listen, it's just safer this way, okay? You just have to trust me.

SPEAKER_00

All right. I guess that makes sense to me. I'll see you when you get home. Don't forget the meatballs. I will extra onions.

SPEAKER_14

Okay, extra onions, and I won't, and I'll throw the mime bag out before I come in. Okay, thank you. Love you. Draw the curtains. I love you.

SPEAKER_00

Love you. See you when you get home.

SPEAKER_14

The mime, it's meatballs. The meatballs. Mimi.

SPEAKER_17

Oh, memey's. I always thought that was a a joker. No, no, it's a mime. It's a mime.

SPEAKER_14

It's all M's. I don't know. I don't, I don't my brother loves them. My brother loves the meatballs.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, you you have a brother? Yeah. Yeah, I have a younger brother. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_09

Does he fight crime too?

SPEAKER_04

No. You yell from across the floor.

SPEAKER_03

I forgot we split up. We did, we did decide to split up.

SPEAKER_09

Whisper's like, shh, the message is still going. This is just my conscience document.

SPEAKER_03

I have a brother?

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, the meatballs are his favorite, but the mime really freaks him out.

SPEAKER_04

That's fair. He's creepy. I don't know why you would make the mime a mascot. I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. Like froyo or like a bakery or something.

SPEAKER_03

Or the Cinnabon Mime.

SPEAKER_00

With that, we cut over the Shank and Whisperer. Let's see what Shank and Whisperer are up to.

SPEAKER_09

Hankering for Cinnabons. I feel like it's going on in my brain. Um I don't think they're open right now.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so right. You're so right. Uh sneaking. What's uh check out the hot dog?

SPEAKER_06

I felt felt pretty shady. Looking to see if there are any guards or people nearby. Right, right, right, right, right. I'll look too. Maybe you should look for something like security cameras or other things that might notice for young people in brightly colored at least for the rest of you, brightly colored outfits.

SPEAKER_14

I'm wearing black, thank you.

SPEAKER_06

Your black is very bright.

SPEAKER_14

That's what they always say.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, okay, okay, cool. I'll look out for the CC TV Crim Crimsberg TV.

SPEAKER_00

Uh so the two groups sneak around. Um that guy's got a natural one um to find you, so you easily sort of surround. And since you're very well snuck at this point, you can kind of obviously see there's a big it's a it is a food court, it's a round food court, and on the back, um, away from you, so you're in a big circle, you two are kind of coming in from the voms on either side, and in the back, on kind of a semicircle is the three restaurants, and hanging by their arms is the three mascots above each of their like corresponding restaurant, and there's a camera crew, and there's also two big groups of like guards with like bats and machetes and like all kinds of like little weird things. No one with a gun um that you've noticed, but they're all around there, and in the center is they're also all wearing, so the one big group on the left is all wearing like these big A mascot costumes, and the other side they're all wearing big Q qu costumes. Um so there's a bunch of QA's, and and like most of them are just kind of like standing around like, so can you move very well in these costumes? I just feel like it's hard to put my arms down. Like if we're if we're trying to, you know, put protect this guy, like it's fine, he's paying us a lot of money. I think he uh robbed the Cartellini guy, so uh, you know, money's good. What are you gonna say? Yeah, I guess so. It's just like if there is a threat, I'm I'm in a big queue, okay? And so I'm very limited in what I can do. Right? I just feel like this is dangerous. Money's good. Just take the money, okay? He's better than the other guy I used to work for. You see, there's one big Q like struggling to like focus a camera that's pointing towards question mark, and he's there. I'd just like to thank our sponsors today, Mr. Cartellini. Uh, thanks to his organization for fueling this entertainment for all of the citizens of Grimsburg. And he continues to go off um on a little monologue as you all sneak up. There's a lot of them.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, well, should we go for for them? Should we go for him, or should we go for the people? We don't want these innocent people to die. No. What are they being hung by?

SPEAKER_00

Um, it's ropes. So, like basically from the ceiling or like from the light fixtures that are above them.

SPEAKER_04

How b how far up are they between like the floor and their feet?

SPEAKER_00

Between their floor and the feet, it's they're like a little bit higher than normal ceiling, so there's probably four feet, but they're also all like right behind a counter that's you know counter height.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, they're b they're in there.

SPEAKER_00

So they're like in the restaurants. So like imagine these like yeah, they're like behind the counter, like floating like in the middle of the space of each of their corresponding restaurants.

SPEAKER_06

So to be clear restaurants. We cannot see where they would land if they were to fall at this moment.

SPEAKER_00

You can't see behind the counter where they would land if they fell, but uh you can see the mascots. And there's question mark, and we're coming up to the hour here. So far, let's see who's winning. So far, it looks like Uncle Weenie is up next, and he pulls out uh six shooter. You got another three minutes to get those boats in, otherwise, Uncle Weenie's gonna get fried.

SPEAKER_04

How how far can you? We have three minutes to figure out what we need to do.

SPEAKER_03

Correct. How how far how far can you send those fill-year-old plant situations?

SPEAKER_04

Uh great question. Um, well, um, I can do 30 feet.

SPEAKER_14

I was thinking, like, can you shoot a vine up from the ground and grab his foot or something?

SPEAKER_04

Um no.

SPEAKER_14

Amazing.

SPEAKER_04

I don't think so. Wait, let me see what else I have.

SPEAKER_06

Twister suggests that we fall back to a location where we can just strategize. It'll also allow us to reposition.

SPEAKER_14

Okay. We're gonna re-convention quickly. We have two minutes and 30 seconds. Okay, we reconvene.

SPEAKER_09

Alright, well, we saw that there's a back to a lot of these shops, so maybe we can get to the back and maybe sneak to the back of Mr. Hot Dogs and try to get him from the back storeroom.

SPEAKER_17

It's Uncle Weenie!

SPEAKER_14

Lupa really likes Uncle Weenie's I guess. Darius never wants it though. He only ever wants to be balls.

SPEAKER_06

We'll need to do all three of them simultaneously.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, we can do all at the same time.

SPEAKER_06

Somebody's gonna have to be the bait.

SPEAKER_04

Um, what what what qualities should bait have?

SPEAKER_06

Are any of you bulletproof?

SPEAKER_04

No, but I continue to a tree.

SPEAKER_06

Trees are pretty bulletproof.

SPEAKER_10

If that would help, that feels like the toughest one. That feels yes.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, sure. Let me top tree brands. Brands!

SPEAKER_09

Brands brands very into brands. QLJ.

SPEAKER_14

QLJ, very into the branding. So why not? You take the Weenie, I'll take the mime, and you take the third one, the giraffe.

SPEAKER_06

Got it. Get them down, get them into the back room, into the halls, and then come out and help deal with it. Deal with the question mark.

SPEAKER_14

Yes. Okay, this is a good plan. Okay. What kind of what brand of tree are you gonna be with?

SPEAKER_04

A white oak or a coast live oak and ironwood are the most naturally resistant to bullets.

SPEAKER_06

Obviously the iron wood.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, I'll turn into a tree. Yeah, iron ironwood tree. Okay. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_06

You'll only need to take their attention for a few moments.

SPEAKER_14

But we're gonna have to make sure that the three of us are in position before you do this.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, well, what kind of signal do you want to give me?

SPEAKER_09

Just before the three minutes. Uh go at at I don't know, 60 seconds.

SPEAKER_04

Just message me when you're ready. I'll message you when you're ready.

SPEAKER_17

When we're ready. Okay. Whisper, I trust you.

SPEAKER_06

Shank, when we pull everybody back into the halls, can we tie them all together? I'm sorry, you were talking to me, and it was really great. Just I wasn't listening. When we get the hostages, tie them together. We don't want Carlini escaping. Okay, got it. Uh, let's go to the bathroom.

SPEAKER_12

Okay, we're going out. Good talk.

SPEAKER_00

I'll have you do individual stealth checks, and then I will have the two swarms and the and question mark do checks when it's time. Um, I'm kind of interested in whatever Fernal is gonna Fernal Force is gonna do. Um for mechanics. I don't know if anyone at home is this is a ridiculous podcast, so I don't know if anyone at home is crazy about the mechanics, but if you're playing along on your board at home. If you're playing along on your board at home, uh Fernal Force for the large plants such as trees, um, is brown bear. Um is her wild-shaped druid. So I gave her she's working with brown bear stats um as a giant tree, if you're curious. 30 seconds left, and it looks like Uncle Wiener is gonna say go. Go to his maker. Question mark is loading the six shooter. I forgot to load the gun.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, so just an acorn falls from the ceiling onto question mark. What the hell? And as he looks up, giant tree limbs grow up and a canopy of foliage appears above him and the uh other QA's.

SPEAKER_00

There's a tree in here!

SPEAKER_04

True. And then it slaps him across the face.

unknown

Ah!

SPEAKER_00

Um, okay, great.

SPEAKER_04

Everyone's a nice tight backhand.

SPEAKER_00

Go ahead and roll initiative.

SPEAKER_18

That was what I was supposed to do, right?

SPEAKER_00

Loop is so stressed.

SPEAKER_06

Whisper's got a 22.

SPEAKER_14

I rolled a 13.

SPEAKER_06

I got a six.

SPEAKER_14

I got a 10.

SPEAKER_06

I am going to swap my initiative with Fernal.

SPEAKER_05

Oh.

SPEAKER_00

Fernal now has a 22. Either way, I'm gonna let Fernal get this slap in because I just can't see a way that question mark was gonna expect the tree to slap him. I just can't justify it.

SPEAKER_14

And I think that's so fair.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, so go ahead and make an attack roll.

SPEAKER_04

Okie dokie. Uh, that is a 15.

SPEAKER_00

A 15 misses.

SPEAKER_04

What? Okay, can I do that? Why is question mark so jacked? Can I multi-attack? Bears make two attacks.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, that's right, you're a bear. Go ahead and uh yeah, make another attack.

SPEAKER_04

Now that is a 20.

SPEAKER_00

A 20 is definitely gonna hit.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, so one one swoop of a branch distracts him and misses, and the other one then punches him in the stomach. This tree just punched me.

SPEAKER_00

I have a feeling this isn't a normal tree, boys.

SPEAKER_04

That's a 15 of damn it.

SPEAKER_00

I know this move. This has to be that quick little thing. Quick little justice. There it is. See? See? Trees trees can't talk normally. Boys, let's get chopping. I wanna hear Timber. And then actually, first of the initiative is Fernal Force again because of the Switch initiative.

SPEAKER_04

Oh nice. Let's go. Uh so then I'm gonna do the exact same thing. Um, this time I want to uh use my first attack to with one arm like wrap it around his neck, and the other one I want to like let it slit his throat.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04

With your tree? With my tree. If anything moves fast enough, it's a blade.

SPEAKER_06

Now we're talking.

SPEAKER_12

And the three fight people all go.

SPEAKER_06

They all nod in agreement with that. You couldn't see, but all of us raised an appreciative eyebrow.

SPEAKER_04

Um, so that's a 19 for the first attack.

SPEAKER_06

That's gonna hit.

SPEAKER_04

Eight points of damage. And then the second one is a 21 to hit. And that's eight plus four twelve damage. Oh yeah! Put your limbs in the air and wave your legs around like you just don't care. Then I do that with my other branches like this.

SPEAKER_00

I'm getting flanked here, boys. What am I paying you for?

SPEAKER_04

Hey, no need to bark.

SPEAKER_00

Uh next in the initiative is question mark.

SPEAKER_12

Uh-oh. Rahra Raggy.

SPEAKER_00

Well, well, a little miss. And he pulls out a little exclamation point sword. Uh cane sword.

SPEAKER_14

It's a cane sword.

SPEAKER_00

It's a little cane sword, and it looks like a question mark. It's got like a big blingy thing, and it's like that's pretty cool, actually. Yeah. Just describing. No, no, it's a it looks like an exclamation point. Um, no. The grip is black. You can only see the blade and the pommel. I've got the answer for the weakness of the ironwood tree, and that's chopping it down. Uh and he's gonna make three rapier attacks on the tree.

SPEAKER_04

Well, unless it's fungal decay, root and wilt pathogens, extreme wildfires, or high winds, can't hit me.

SPEAKER_00

He rolled the natural one on his first attack.

SPEAKER_04

Let's go!

SPEAKER_00

Um, and then he rolled eighteens on his next two.

SPEAKER_04

Well, um, well, might all do it.

SPEAKER_00

So he's gonna do six with the first attack and five with the second attack. So, this enemy that I'm using is a performer maestro, and he has an ability that allows him to do add-on psychic damage in addition to his sword attack. However, um, I pulled up a random trivia generator. Um if you get the question right, you can avoid the extra psychic damage.

SPEAKER_13

I'm obsessed. I love trivia. Oh, this is so cool.

SPEAKER_06

Um, alright, so let's hold up. Before you start, is this a team effort?

SPEAKER_14

Or just fern?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, that's a good question. I hadn't thought that far. I think in the spirit of him being uh like a bar trivia owner, those are done in teams. Um and you've got two psychics. So um I'm gonna say that you guys can psychically come up with an answer for Fern. What actor partnered up with Mel Gibson in the Lethal Weapon movie series?

SPEAKER_14

I got nothing.

SPEAKER_00

Glover.

SPEAKER_14

Glover, Danny Glover.

SPEAKER_00

Daniel Glover. That is correct. You see you see the little burst on the tip of his sword fizzles out. But you've got so good. One more. A poltron is a what? A poll troon? A poltron. A bird? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, uh something heavy eight, something bird-like.

SPEAKER_00

A poltron is a coward.

SPEAKER_04

Is that trivia or is that homework?

unknown

I don't know.

SPEAKER_13

I just graduated high school.

SPEAKER_14

Like that's an SAT word.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know, but you take an extra four points of psychic damage. Um, next in the initiative is Loopah.

SPEAKER_14

So as a bonus action, I'm gonna cast a spell, your favorite and mine, Hunter's Mark, on Question Mark.

SPEAKER_00

On question mark?

SPEAKER_14

Hunter's Mark, on question mark. Hey.

SPEAKER_00

Are you going to continue hiding?

SPEAKER_14

Oh. Well, no, I have to get the guy down. The meatball guy. So if I'm behind the counter, how like is it like a situation where I can reach up and grab?

SPEAKER_00

Is it like I need to cut what's the how far up are I mean sh her hands are gonna be probably like eight feet in the air.

SPEAKER_06

Up on that counter. Chapel of the sword.

SPEAKER_14

I don't have a s I don't have a sword! How do you not have a sword?

SPEAKER_06

Do you have an axe?

SPEAKER_14

I literally don't have a sword though. In my I mean, I what I'm talking about is like Indian Debion to like make the sword attack.

SPEAKER_00

Which is okay. I'll let you make I mean you can use the dagger attack as your sword attack.

SPEAKER_14

Okay. I'm gonna use the blades on the end of my long bow. So cool.

SPEAKER_00

Lupa's Lupa's like finds like duct tape underneath the counter and is like taping a dagger onto her bow to get a little extra reach.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah. Um, so I'm gonna try and attack the the rope.

SPEAKER_00

Great. It's not too hard. It's uh, I'll tell you that the rope has one HP. Um cool. And it it's its AC is 12.

SPEAKER_14

Well, I fear I missed. I rolled a 10. Oh no. Um, but I do get two attacks per action. Okay. So I can try again.

SPEAKER_00

Get in there. Get a second attack.

SPEAKER_14

Amazing. That can't be right. I missed. I missed my time.

SPEAKER_00

Just no shock seeing a tree slapping.

SPEAKER_13

What's going on with the tree?

SPEAKER_00

You just see from behind the counter, Lupa pops up and just goes and then goes back down and then comes up a second time. And then goes back down behind the counter.

SPEAKER_13

My cool longbow sword.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my gosh. Uh, I am gonna I'm like, because you missed, I feel like I should just keep letting you hide, but I do feel like there needs to be a perception check for those two whiffs.

SPEAKER_14

Um that's not that's so fair. Would it be giving like cool stealthy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

There is a giant tree smacking a guy. Okay, so there's a giant tree smacking guy that's probably stealing a lot of the intention. Reasonable? Yes. I will I will make a perception check for these two uh with disadvantage um if you would like to make a stealth check with advantage. I will give you all of the all the perks, but I rolled a 28 on my stealth check with advantage. Okay, well, I'll see if we get a natural 20 with. Two natural 20s. I got an eight.

SPEAKER_14

So my attack sucked, but I was very secretive about it.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. And I don't believe Hunter's Mark calls any attention to you. I think you just like trigger it. And he doesn't notice that you did that. Up next, I believe it is Whisper.

SPEAKER_06

Since Whisper hasn't heard the startled cries of a recently freed hostage, he's just going to assume that Lupa has forgotten the plan.

SPEAKER_10

No! No, I'm doing my best!

SPEAKER_06

Whisper yanks the door open, runs in behind the counter of I honestly do not remember which fast food stall uh he gets in. You're in um salad junk or salad jungle with the giraffe.

SPEAKER_04

Salad jungle.

SPEAKER_06

Salad jungle. First things first, is there a safe landing spot for the person who's hanging?

SPEAKER_00

Yes, it is just the floor behind. Um it does look like um question mark was just planning on the old the old gunshot to the mascot whenever it was their time was up.

SPEAKER_06

All right. Well, uh, since Fernal's doing such a great job causing a distraction, uh, Whisper is just going to take a look up there and reach inside his trench coat, and it looks like he throws something and just a flash of blinding night light lances out at the rope.

SPEAKER_03

Ultra blast the rope. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_06

Ultrach blast the rope. That is a 27.

SPEAKER_04

That is shameful after I missed twice. And then it goes across into the one that James and gets them both.

SPEAKER_00

Uh if if they were in, if we were within five feet, I might consider cleave rules. However, um, yeah, you blast that rope, um, and this mascot comes falling to the ground, not very far. You know, they're probably dangling like four feet from their feet. Tuck and roll! Um they did, however, um get an eight on their deck save and they land flat on their ass.

unknown

Ow!

SPEAKER_00

I'm not gonna worry about that right now.

SPEAKER_04

You're so right. I'll laugh them together. Right.

SPEAKER_06

There's no vibrato.

unknown

It couldn't.

SPEAKER_04

It could have been a scarcinger.

SPEAKER_06

That's disrupting the instrument.

SPEAKER_09

This is more combat tips from the fight directors.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah. Uh Whisper calls out to uh to Shank to come grab the giraffe and uh gingerly steps out around the counter to check in on Lupa's situation.

SPEAKER_13

Lupa's so bad.

SPEAKER_06

Seeing seeing seeing a pair of legs still dangling, uh, Whisper fires off his other Eldritch Blast. Oh. Fire two beams.

SPEAKER_14

Well, I could do two, two, but not.

SPEAKER_06

This one is not as good. This one's a 26.

SPEAKER_00

Oh 26 is still gonna hit, believe it or not. Mimi the Mime falls to the ground. Um I'm gonna make another uh disadvantaged uh perception check because we are fighting trees. They did they did bad. As long as you don't roll a natural one, you're good. You're good, you're good. It didn't roll a natural one. What did you roll? It's an eight plus something. Oh yeah, you you're you're good. But yeah, so Mimi the Mime also falls to the ground. They also don't fall very well.

SPEAKER_14

Oh. Well, that's a guy. Yeah, in there.

SPEAKER_00

Judgy Judgy.

SPEAKER_18

Says the trench coat.

SPEAKER_00

Next up in the initiative are these two swarms, the Q's NAs. What am I even paying you guys for? Chop down the tree! That's a 10 to hit.

SPEAKER_04

Uh, that does not hit.

SPEAKER_00

An eleven to hit. Yep, it does hit. A 17 and a 14. So that's uh three hits. I lied, that's two hits. Um I was still using the Maestro's attack bonus, so that first eleven is actually only a nine. Seven piercing damage and four piercing damage on the two that hit.

SPEAKER_15

Okie dokie.

SPEAKER_00

So only two, like, there's a bunch of guys around you with like bats and like uh knives and like little like one guy's just got like a um a wine cork and he's just stabbing.

SPEAKER_04

I think I have Can I uh stabbing with a can I grow little offshoots from the tree that like parry the the hits from their stabs?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you're you're just like fighting off you're fighting off half of them. Like half of these guys are like fencing with them with these like little roots that are going out. Yep. Uh but this tree's pretty good.

SPEAKER_05

Ungarden.

SPEAKER_11

Alex is shook.

SPEAKER_09

Burn always came up with the puns for me. Really? Shank?

SPEAKER_10

I keep forgetting that your name is Shank!

SPEAKER_00

Speaking of Shank, it is Shank's turn. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_09

Shank sees his sister under siege and is peeking up over the counter and is like trying to choose between helping out his sister and doing the job he was supposed to, and then decides, even though he's going solo, he's gotta protect his sister. And goes for his sneak attack by throwing a psychic knife right into the back of uh of Marco Polo questionnaire. Question mark.

SPEAKER_11

You made him epic.

SPEAKER_00

Marco Polo, yeah. He was already Italian. Uh go ahead make your attack roll. Okay. Which uh I we can say that you were hiding successfully at the top of your turn, so you'll make it with the four. Okay, great.

SPEAKER_09

Both were 18. Oh, so that is two 26s. Uh 26.

SPEAKER_00

26 is is going to hit. Great. Okay.

SPEAKER_09

Reg 9 psychic damage and sneak attack damage. That's 18 total damage.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, from I I uh describe your your psychic knife going into uh question mark.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, I think uh uh everybody is facing the tree and not looking and just waits for the right moment, and the knife just hovers over Shanks' shoulder, and as soon as he sees the open, it just sort of shoots forward and right in between the shoulder blades of Marco.

SPEAKER_00

Uh Marco looks over his shoulder and sees you. There's the other one! Now we've got both of Quick Little Justice here. This'll be great for viewers.

SPEAKER_09

Um Shank decides he's gonna go ahead and use the use his offhand dagger attack to cut down the person. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead and pick that up. No longer sneaking. 13. 13 is enough to cut it down.

SPEAKER_14

Literally so annoyed that I rolled two and tens.

SPEAKER_00

Nine damage to the rope. Okay, so Uncle Wiener, um Uncle Wiener lands on his feet and starts running.

SPEAKER_05

No! Get him! Opportunity attack him, pull him down.

SPEAKER_00

You can't hit that bitch. You can do an opportunity attack if you'd like to try and either grab him. He's running right now.

SPEAKER_10

Right now. He's running right now.

SPEAKER_09

I'm getting out of here. His hands are still tied.

SPEAKER_00

Uh that is a 20. Um, a 20 is going to hit. Are you trying to grapple or are you trying to to fuck this guy up?

SPEAKER_09

Psychic damage isn't real damage. It's gonna fry his brain.

SPEAKER_10

Oh, that's not what heroes do.

SPEAKER_09

That's what Shank does.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, yeah. Attack how much how much damage did you?

SPEAKER_09

Uh no, I but definitely like in the in the leg. I at least want to.

SPEAKER_12

I psychic damage him in the leg.

SPEAKER_09

Right. I have one choice. It's to fry your brain. Hope he didn't have any precious memories, Mr. Weenie. Uh, I did. I don't I I want to do non-lethal, but seven damage.

SPEAKER_00

Seven damage. Okay, he is still up, but he's he you see, Uncle Weenie stops and just starts grabbing his head to start screaming. Yeah. Uh uh. Ah, get out of my head. Is this that kid?

SPEAKER_07

Is this that quick kid?

SPEAKER_18

That quick little justice.

SPEAKER_07

That quick little justice.

SPEAKER_09

It's the shrouded shank, motherfucker. I'm trying around swearing. No, that's our one F word.

SPEAKER_04

Our PG 13 rating.

SPEAKER_07

This guy sounds scary. Trying to mention Netflix. I can't really see.

SPEAKER_12

I can't really see because there's a psychic damage in my leg.

SPEAKER_09

Ever heard of a phantom leg?

SPEAKER_03

Oh my gosh. It's like, can I rely on my leg? I don't know. I don't know. Feeling very disconnected from my left girl. Yeah, out of my body.

SPEAKER_00

Um we are back down. So now we're at zero initiative. Um question mark sees all of you and is going to use a legendary action. Oh, yeah, don't say Beguiling song, but in this case, it's beguiling trivia. Oh love it.

SPEAKER_14

Um it all works. We all went, ooh, we were beguiled.

SPEAKER_00

Uh it's time for the lightning round. And he pulls out this little orb. Oh. Not an orb.

SPEAKER_14

I should Mark's pondering his orb.

SPEAKER_05

He's don't do well against lightning.

SPEAKER_00

He pulls out a little orb and presses a little button and then throws it up in the air. Put on your earmuffs. And they all have like little cute earmuffs and they all put them on. Um, and this orb just starts shouting out rapid-fire questions, like, and it is echoing around the entire space. Whoa. I'll give you two chances. I'll technically do the mechanics of the game, which is a DC-15 wisdom saving throw.

SPEAKER_04

What if we answer the question right there?

SPEAKER_00

So there's two parts to this. Um, the target has the charmed condition until the end of the performer's next turn if you fail. Uh but for the damage, I will ask you all quiz questions. Nat 20. Nat 20 is gonna pass. 22. 22 is gonna pass.

SPEAKER_14

22.

SPEAKER_00

13 fails.

SPEAKER_14

Oh no! No.

SPEAKER_03

Uh doing so bad.

SPEAKER_00

And Lupa is charmed.

SPEAKER_03

I love trivia. Oh. I got a natural 20.

SPEAKER_00

23.

SPEAKER_03

Not the fucking twins with the natural.

SPEAKER_10

Twinny.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, cool. Um Lupa is now charmed, which just means that you can't attack question mark specifically. But um you are more than welcome to attack the swarms. If you failed, you are going to take 23 damage unless you get your question right. And then it's also if you passed, you will take half damage, uh, which half of 23 would be 11. 11 psychic damage on the pass, unless you answer your trivia question right. Right. Lightning round.

SPEAKER_14

Oh my god, let's lock in, team. Okay, over here.

SPEAKER_00

Let's start with who failed. What color? Or actually, let's end with you because that's the most dramatic. It's the most damage. Let's start with you, Mike. Or Shank, I should say. Um, in your head, uh, a question reverberates. What color is Shibli? Red. It's wine, right?

SPEAKER_14

No, it's white, it's white, it's white, can we all answer this?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, can we all answer this, or is it just one of one of us? I was gonna say beige.

SPEAKER_00

We'll keep trivia. I was gonna say beige. We'll keep trivia team rules because you are psychically linked and you are psychic yourself. Okay, great.

SPEAKER_14

It's white wine.

SPEAKER_09

I I was gonna say like a like a beige.

SPEAKER_00

Beige? Yes. The answer is white. Just white? White.

SPEAKER_18

That'd be like an off white. Well, white's not white's not a color.

SPEAKER_00

Shank Shank hears white in his head and goes, beige. Um and immediately takes 11 psychic damage.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, white's not a color.

SPEAKER_00

Um moving on over to Fernal, Fernal Force. Um, what English writer died on the same date as Spanish author and poet Miguel de Cervantes?

SPEAKER_04

Uh, Shank. Any ideas?

SPEAKER_00

On an English writer?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, who died on the same day as Cervantes. Anyone?

SPEAKER_06

Oscar Wilde. No, way much earlier. Earlier. Cervantes is 1600s, isn't he?

SPEAKER_14

I would have said Marlowe. Okay. Christopher Marlowe.

SPEAKER_09

Shakespeare is also 1600s.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, but that's like too obvious, right?

SPEAKER_09

So was White. So true. I'm feeling traumatized for missing the easy answer.

SPEAKER_02

Author or playwright?

SPEAKER_09

He said author poet.

SPEAKER_02

Arthur poet? No, he said Cervantes is the poet. Cervantes is the poet. So English author.

SPEAKER_00

Milton? No, Milton's too late.

SPEAKER_01

Who else was writing in 1600s?

SPEAKER_00

We're gonna start the count at five, four.

SPEAKER_01

Send it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

Three.

SPEAKER_01

Um, two. Shakespeare.

unknown

One.

SPEAKER_00

The answer is William Shakespeare.

SPEAKER_18

I'm so sorry I screamed in the like Chloe. Oh my god. Let's fucking go. I'm so relieved.

SPEAKER_00

Infernal Force at the last second gets Shakespeare and fights off the psychic damage.

SPEAKER_04

He does one of the tree like shakes.

SPEAKER_00

Um, going right around the table over to whisper. In archery, you hear in your head, how many points are rewarded for a bullseye? Five, three, and one. Or thirty. Wow, that is love answers.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. I've never played archery before.

unknown

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

Ever played archery.

SPEAKER_18

30 was crazy. Smoke cocaine.

SPEAKER_03

I think it's either five, it's either five or ten, I think.

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna go with five. The answer is ten.

SPEAKER_12

God damn it! Just because I missed all my attacks doesn't mean I don't.

SPEAKER_00

You hear in your head question mark. Incorrect. The answer is ten.

SPEAKER_14

And Lupa goes, I said that!

SPEAKER_00

Take eleven points of damage.

SPEAKER_06

Look, something had to go wrong for me at least once.

SPEAKER_12

Oh, it really went wrong for her. Fuck you, man. Hey, I'm about to take like so much damage if I don't get mine right.

SPEAKER_00

Um which is comes down around to yours. In which decade was Tupperware first introduced to the market? It feels like a 60s thing.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

Or 50s. So probably plastic after the war, right? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Tupperware party.

SPEAKER_06

Molded plastic, I think we're talking.

SPEAKER_14

60s? I would have said 60s or 70s.

SPEAKER_06

Earlier.

SPEAKER_14

60s.

SPEAKER_06

Because it's also it's also one of the first um level marketing companies. Yeah, and like one of the one of the first uh companies.

SPEAKER_14

When was Amway founded? Um yeah, I would okay. I'm gonna say the 1960s. Incorrect!

SPEAKER_09

The 1940s.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, some people were fighting, some people were making Tupperware. Moms needed jobs during the war.

SPEAKER_09

No, that is the Tupperware story. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Well, I'm about to take a huge hit from that. Then Lupa Tails.

SPEAKER_00

The question is, can you hit me? The answer is no.

SPEAKER_04

I'm pretty sure I did hit you.

SPEAKER_00

Not you, Tree!

SPEAKER_04

Luca hit me. No, no, Ironwood, not you.

SPEAKER_00

That took me a second.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I got there.

SPEAKER_00

Well done.

SPEAKER_04

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00

Um, and speaking of, uh, it goes back to the top of the order now with Fernal Force.

SPEAKER_04

Uh I say, Mark, my words are better than yours.

SPEAKER_00

No, Mark, my words.

SPEAKER_04

Nope, Mark, my words are better than your words.

SPEAKER_00

No, Mark, my words are better because mine speak the truth, and yours sound weird because you don't really have a mouth.

SPEAKER_04

Hey, question? Mark, do you think that you have better words than I do?

SPEAKER_00

I definitely have one. Make an attack roll.

SPEAKER_04

And then I s slice at him. Cool. I think I this is like the trunk that just goes.

SPEAKER_00

You're just gonna fall on him? Yeah. Squash him.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I say, Mark, here's a word. What did you say earlier? Timber? Okay, uh, you said a 15 did not hit, right? Okay, so you miss. Just small versions of his side.

SPEAKER_07

Just fall a little lightly. Just stands aside as you start going.

SPEAKER_18

I missed both times. That was no. You're like, dude, nope, dude, no. Hit him, don't knight him!

SPEAKER_00

Just falls on either side.

SPEAKER_03

No. He stands, he doesn't move. Darn. Got a high arbor class.

SPEAKER_00

He's gonna turn around and go, I am not going to let Cartalini get away. And he's gonna pull out his gun and he's gonna take a shot at uh Cartellini.

SPEAKER_08

Oh man.

SPEAKER_00

Only another seven damage though. Cartellini is now shot. Oh god. I hate it here. I hate it here so much. This is why I never come to the mall.

SPEAKER_13

Of course.

SPEAKER_00

Am I at the mall? I feel like I'm at the mall. I've been smelling I've been smelling cinnamon bun all day. It's unmistakable.

SPEAKER_04

Mall's a hot topic.

SPEAKER_00

He is bleeding. Hey? Hey. Um, next is Lupa.

SPEAKER_14

Charm just is, right? I can't like shake it off.

SPEAKER_00

Actually, until the end of the performer's turn is when it goes away. So it's technically gone already.

SPEAKER_14

Fine. And I'm mad.

SPEAKER_00

That's what I get for making this a legendary action instead of doing it on his turn.

SPEAKER_14

Well, Lupa's mad. Her head hurts. Whisper just shamed her for 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_06

Three seconds.

SPEAKER_14

Well, it felt like hours. She's 20 years old. And she's gonna stand up and take um a longbow shot at him at question mark. 24.

SPEAKER_00

He's gonna hit.

SPEAKER_14

So I did five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Damage. And I um, because I have longbow mastery, I would like to cast I can um the property of the long mastery property of the longbow is slow, so I've reduced his speed by 10 feet.

SPEAKER_00

Oh. Okay.

SPEAKER_14

Um until the start of my next turn.

SPEAKER_00

Great.

SPEAKER_14

Um, I am gonna roll my second attack.

SPEAKER_12

A natural 20! Yippee!

SPEAKER_14

Yippee!

SPEAKER_00

Whoa. I'm glad I didn't ask you the question about archery.

SPEAKER_14

Because you seem to be pretty good at it. I knew the answer. 21.

SPEAKER_00

21 damage?

SPEAKER_14

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

In one arrow?

SPEAKER_14

Yes. I'm very upset.

SPEAKER_00

Logis.

SPEAKER_14

She pulls it back like farther than she's ever pulled. She draws the bow like farther than it's ever drawn.

SPEAKER_17

The duct tape daggers also fly back the way.

SPEAKER_00

Takes additional dagger damage to the strays. Oh god. Uh huh. I haven't been hit in the chest that hard since I was shot in the chest. With a gun.

SPEAKER_04

That's a compliment. What can I say?

SPEAKER_00

Next up is Whisper.

SPEAKER_06

Okay, Whisper is going to grab the giraffe. Uh-huh. And drag them into the back uh corridor. Run into uh the stall over here with the mime. Uh-huh. Drag the mime into the back corridor.

SPEAKER_14

I forgot about the thing with the mime.

SPEAKER_06

Is the mime still hanging? Did you know?

SPEAKER_14

No, no, I chucked it. Chucking Whispered and all the work.

SPEAKER_06

And once they're both back in there, are the mascot heads uh just helmets? Yeah, you can you could take them off if you wanted to. Rip those things off of us.

SPEAKER_00

Nice. Um you see Mareomare and Scarlet Cantanta uh sitting there. Right. Can you get can you get to safety on your own? Uh yeah, yeah, I I think so. Uh thank you. Thank you. Um we will give you a key to the city. Um uh man, this is so embarrassing. I almost died at the opera like a week ago. People are gonna give me such a hard time.

SPEAKER_06

Great, fine! Whisper runs over towards the back room in uh towards where Carleen was trying to run away.

SPEAKER_00

Um and you see you see a man in a hot dog costume um bleeding badly. That wasn't me. I don't do bleeding. Oh, you've still you've still I've been, I will say that dragging those people is an object interaction, maybe.

SPEAKER_06

Um and you've used your movement, and that's Whisper's gonna run over, grab Carnalini by the collar, get right up, nose to nose, and uh in a low voice say, I suggest you sit here until I come back for you.

SPEAKER_00

Give me an intimidation check unless you're using ability. I I'm casting suggestion. Oh, declare it's not one.

SPEAKER_04

It's not a suggestion.

SPEAKER_00

Does he do a safer suggestion? Uh Wisdom DC 16. He got a 12 if he fails.

SPEAKER_12

Yay!

SPEAKER_00

Nice. Uh that sounds uh that sounds like a great idea, actually. Yeah, I'm just gonna I'm gonna sit here um until you tell me to stop sitting here. And and you see the little hot dog just like the legs are very short because the body goes down so far, so it like tries to sit like cross the Legged and just kind of like falls over and it bleeds a little bit on the floor.

SPEAKER_06

With uh last bit, Whisper uh takes cover behind the counter.

SPEAKER_00

And then is going to take cover behind the counter. Excellent. Uh next is these swarms of Q's nays. Oh. Uh boss, what do you want us to do? Cut the tr cut the tr Cut the tree down. Um so the these guys are gonna make their four attacks. Uh and it's gonna be a 19, a 20, 1, a 20. This is crazy. And a 10.

SPEAKER_04

They hit except for the 10.

SPEAKER_00

Except for the 10. Okay. So they're gonna do 7, 4, and 5.

SPEAKER_04

Uh I think I stopped being a tree.

SPEAKER_00

You un you untree. Now you're just infernal force.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah. Okay. She's just a girl.

SPEAKER_00

Now she's just a girl.

SPEAKER_06

Looking at question mark.

SPEAKER_04

My life is a nightmare.

SPEAKER_00

Is that your motivation for being a tree?

SPEAKER_04

What no. I don't do you need motivation to be a tree?

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. It just seems like is this an escapism thing?

SPEAKER_04

Oh. Hey, question mark. Question for you. In what year did I get my braces off?

SPEAKER_00

Uh th four years ago?

SPEAKER_04

Wrong! It was last year. Bummer. Can I still attack him even though I or no, it's not my turn.

SPEAKER_00

Not yet, because it's not your turn. Um but it but it will be your turn after Shank's turn.

SPEAKER_13

You started doing quips.

SPEAKER_00

And Shank is up.

SPEAKER_13

I forgot.

SPEAKER_09

Oh man, and I see your so I see my sister turn back into a human. How close is she to everybody?

SPEAKER_00

Very she's she's in the middle of all three enemies. Like there's a circle around her. They've all been they've all been punching her and stabbing her with a with an exclamation point sort. Great.

SPEAKER_09

Then I'm gonna sneak attack uh our quiz our our trivia master again. Because he's within five feet.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I see you. Okay. Nice job, sis.

SPEAKER_09

Just just keep right next to the murderer.

SPEAKER_08

If you could do one more of those those trees, that'd be that'd be really great.

SPEAKER_12

That iconic QLJ. That's signature QL.

SPEAKER_00

That's signature teamwork. It's the sandwich. Where the sister the sister is getting beaten to death and bloody. Just just hang out there. I'm gonna throw another knife.

SPEAKER_05

This is like when we were in the backyard and you're like, here, stay on here with this and I'll throw knives at you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

24 to hit. It's gonna hit. Yeah. There's 14. 14 psychic damage.

SPEAKER_08

Hey Fern, stay there. Just stay, just just keep in between us and uh, you know, you got this.

SPEAKER_00

Question mark is looking bad.

SPEAKER_09

Um, and then oh right, and oh, I've got I still have a uh bonus psychic dagger. I can throw two, right? You can throw two daggers. Okay. Sixteen misses.

SPEAKER_00

But I didn't hit you, Fern, so like Oh uh, we are back up to Fernal Force, Nay, quick little justice.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. Uh Nay. Quick little justice. Fern looks at her brother and goes, Oh, nice! And then goes, hey, hey, uh, hey, question mark. What? Suddenly see more of me, and then turns into a giant Venus flytrap. Uh Audrey 2. In the middle of the food court. Um oh, and that's a bonus action, so I can attack now. Excellent. Oh, sugar. That's uh that's a 12, I think.

SPEAKER_00

12 is gonna miss.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, darn it.

SPEAKER_00

A shame. Um, and it's back up to uh question mark. Uh so he can't see Cartalini, he can't see Whisper either, um, because they're both hiding under the counter um and they have given themselves cover. Um so he's gonna turn back to this uh plant. I guess you're the only one around, Missy. Um he's gonna make his three Arapia attacks. Um he got a 10, a 16, and an uh 17.

SPEAKER_04

Uh two of those will hit.

SPEAKER_00

So he's gonna do 14 piercing damage, and then four, and he will activate his quiz. More quizzes. What are AC Milan, Ajax, and Real Madrid? Soccer teams.

SPEAKER_04

Well, I have to say they are football teams, but I don't know if you use soccer terms or if you use football terms.

SPEAKER_00

That's correct. In Newton's second law of motion, force is equal to mass times what? Acceleration. Acceleration.

SPEAKER_16

Well, I have to say that's what I get in the car and I go vroom vroom, probably call acceleration.

SPEAKER_00

Acceleration is correct.

SPEAKER_03

She shakes her little hips.

SPEAKER_13

This plant is just credit garbage.

SPEAKER_00

So she dodges the psychic damage and just like And that is that is question mark's turn. We're over to Lupa. I'm not gonna let you guys get in the way of me bringing truth to the world.

SPEAKER_14

What this is such an odd hill to die on, trivia. Question marking.

SPEAKER_00

Um trivia is what I am. I am question mark.

SPEAKER_14

I'm shooting in the face Lupa Strange is like frothing at the mouth.

SPEAKER_00

Take a shot.

SPEAKER_14

Shoot him in the face. A dirty 20 will hit him.

SPEAKER_00

A dirty 20 will hit him. Very good.

SPEAKER_14

Nice. Twelve.

SPEAKER_00

Twelve. He had 10.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, hell shit.

SPEAKER_00

What do you think?

SPEAKER_14

As he opens his mouth, I am questioned mu right in the back of his throat.

SPEAKER_00

I am questioned mu an arrow shoots him right through the throat, through the back of the head. Um sorry, are you doing lethal or not?

SPEAKER_14

I not letally shoot him in the back of the throat.

SPEAKER_00

Through the brainstem.

SPEAKER_14

No, no, no. I'm going to kill him. I'm not.

SPEAKER_00

The arrow pierces through question mark, and he falls to the ground dead. Uh, and the QA's are like, whoa, hey.

SPEAKER_14

They're all transelect.

SPEAKER_00

We're not looking for any trouble here. We're just uh we're just passing through.

SPEAKER_17

Hey, with me.

SPEAKER_00

We're with her. Early when she was like, hey, with me, we're with her. If that means we can walk out of here without an arrow in the back of our head, yeah, we're good.

SPEAKER_14

But Lupa has another attack on her turn, and she's like all like blind with rage and her head hurts so bad.

SPEAKER_17

So I think she's like starting to like is like not up anymore. Hey, ho, whoa.

unknown

What?

SPEAKER_14

What loop that's not what your voice sounded like a minute ago.

SPEAKER_04

Sorry! Take off my uh Venus Fly trap head. I'm sorry, that's a It was an animatronic the whole time.

SPEAKER_00

Mascots all the way down. They reveal that that uh quick little justice, infernal force, is actually just putting on plant costumes. These are puppets.

SPEAKER_17

That about me in these costumes.

SPEAKER_09

See Shank is violently throwing up in the corner because we've never killed anyone of teenage superheroes, is witnessing his first murder.

SPEAKER_12

That's crazy because you were trying to murder him! Psychically.

SPEAKER_00

It's not murder if you kill him with a psychic dagger.

SPEAKER_08

Oh god, there's so much blood. I didn't think there'd be so much blood.

SPEAKER_17

Okay. Oh, oh, all right, all right. Okay. Uh my head hurts so bad. What do we do?

SPEAKER_00

I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding over here. Uh someone get this hot dog head off of me.

SPEAKER_14

You better give me a good payout for this, I swear.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, is that Lupa? Hey, I've been meaning to, I've been meaning your paycheck kept getting lost in the mail. I've been meaning to send that to you.

SPEAKER_14

She still has the bone.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, my people will call your people. We'll uh we'll get this straightened out for sure.

SPEAKER_14

It will be in my hand before we leave this mall. Do you understand me? Oh, I'm writing it right now.

SPEAKER_06

As soon as it's like, Whisper grabs him by the collar and goes, shut up. Yes. Which is healing word.

SPEAKER_00

Most famous of healing words. Shut up. He gets a little health back. He's feeling better. Uh, thanks. Uh, that's good advice. I'm gonna I'm gonna shut up now. Um, and we're officially out of initiative. Anything else you want to do in this mall?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I was gonna say that uh as Fernal is coming out of her shape because it actually is not just on top.

SPEAKER_13

Yeah. Let's read, okay.

SPEAKER_04

Um she's like, alright, that was really great. No, okay. Whew, let's go. Um okay, as I go back with everybody else. Oh, and I say, uh, uh, see yourselves out. Uh don't waste it now.

SPEAKER_00

That's right. We're with her. You see them all run out the front door and are all immediately tackled by cops.

SPEAKER_04

We didn't we we didn't need anything, we didn't need them for anything, did we?

SPEAKER_09

I mean, the Q's might have fit like the QLJ.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, well, we could probably get the costumes. No, it's okay.

SPEAKER_06

We're past QLJ.

SPEAKER_08

Oh no, how are people gonna know that I was awesome?

SPEAKER_00

Serious camera explodes. No! CPR! I think at the very least, uh, I think everyone saw Lupa whiff it on camera because they were kind of pointed back there.

SPEAKER_13

No, no one.

SPEAKER_00

But uh Whisper, I think, uh deftly avoided all cameras, and no one there will be no evidence of Whisper being at the scene at all.

SPEAKER_13

That's crazy that everyone saw me whiff it twice. That's so crazy.

SPEAKER_06

They also saw you kill a baby. You've got a crime boss who's gonna help fund your legal defense.

SPEAKER_13

That's literally fine. I stand by it.

SPEAKER_06

That was on tape.

SPEAKER_13

That's I stand by it.

SPEAKER_04

He had a gun. Yeah, so are we letting this crime boss like off the hook?

SPEAKER_09

I mean, our good friends, the police, might know what to do. Well, I we gotta take justice into our hands. We're vigilantes now, sis.

SPEAKER_04

I know, that's what I'm saying. I I I don't think that our path lies with the system.

SPEAKER_09

You're right. Let's kill him.

SPEAKER_04

Different systems.

SPEAKER_09

Hold it, hovering the knife.

SPEAKER_18

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

SPEAKER_00

Hold on. This guy just healed me. Uh, you know, we're getting mixed messages down here.

SPEAKER_04

What was going on with the question mark? Why was he coming after you?

SPEAKER_00

Uh, no one can say.

SPEAKER_06

That guy's crazy. Did you miss the part where he said he got shot in the chest?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, from him. One would presume. That could have been anyone. This is a dangerous city. People get shot. People shoot people.

SPEAKER_16

Let me roll check if you're not.

SPEAKER_07

People also get stabbed. Why why is the quick kid so scary all of a sudden?

SPEAKER_14

Because he witnessed a murder.

SPEAKER_00

Um I think the police start filing it at this point. We'll take it from here. Yeah, we got this guy. We got Mr. Cartellini. Thank you for saving an upstanding citizen.

SPEAKER_14

Those are your besties, aren't they? Are we happy with our choices? I don't either. He deserves justice.

SPEAKER_09

Real justice.

SPEAKER_04

The question is, if we pull on this thread, will the whole thing come down? Probably. Pull the whole thing down? I need his money. Alright, well. You want to keep him in his seat?

SPEAKER_09

Or we could try to steal him away and we could, I don't know, maybe question him? Try to be out.

SPEAKER_14

Listen. He's in with the cops. He'll be out and back. He'll be back at the Italian man-owned cantina before nightfall. We'll have plenty of time. In a good way? I'm saying we have time to decide.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_14

I'm saying let the cops take him. Kick of the can. He'll be out in a matter of hours.

SPEAKER_00

Give me um an investigation check. 23.

SPEAKER_14

Classic Whisper. Mm-hmm. 16. 13.

SPEAKER_00

I'll say with a 23, um Whisper heads over to the camera that he just blasted, and he sees in question marks a jacket, not only his now broken pocket watch, but a second videotape. One of those little ones, you know, that you need like the adapter for.

SPEAKER_14

Micro tape.

SPEAKER_00

One of those little micro tapes that says bar footage.

SPEAKER_10

Oh.

SPEAKER_00

Whisper pockets it. Did we see it? Did we did we see him pocket it? Um, do you want to hide it from them? Uh yes. I would like this. Then we'll do we'll do sleight of hand versus perception then. That's reasonable. 21.

SPEAKER_14

Uh 18. Six.

SPEAKER_06

Listening to your moral conundrums, Whisper does not trust the three of you to come to a correct or unified decision in the near future.

SPEAKER_09

Shex just got a purple dagger up to his throat.

SPEAKER_08

Sperr. You learn if I hear anything else, I'm just gonna show up and I'm gonna shank you in the middle of the night.

SPEAKER_07

I'm gonna get my justice later if I can't get it now. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08

I'm gonna get it later!

SPEAKER_07

I haven't even done anything to you.

SPEAKER_09

I don't trust anyone.

SPEAKER_17

Shex having an identity crisis. A crisis of faith. Hey Philip, it's gonna be okay.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09

That was a lot.

SPEAKER_14

I need to get a meatball sub.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, let's get some meatball subs.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

To bring one home for Darius.

SPEAKER_00

For Darius. You uh the the one police officer walks up to you. Alright, so the mayor says since it did a masolid, that I'm supposed to look the other way this time. But I don't like you vigilantes getting all up in police business. Oh you should leave the real police work to the police. We were gonna show up. We were gonna we were gonna get in here. Mm-hmm. We were gonna do it.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, okay, like while you were sitting outside.

SPEAKER_14

That's fine.

SPEAKER_00

No, we were gonna come in.

SPEAKER_14

Were you gonna come in before or after he shot that loaded six shooter?

SPEAKER_00

We had pl we had so much time.

SPEAKER_04

You had exactly three minutes from when you said three minutes, and you did not.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, we were gonna we were gonna um bravely brave that. Um look, I'm letting you go. I'm letting you off the hook, alright?

SPEAKER_04

Okay. Fine, buy me.

SPEAKER_00

Great. And we'll um uh I just wonder would you wanna give us like a little credit?

SPEAKER_14

No.

SPEAKER_00

Like, do you wanna like split the credit?

SPEAKER_14

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00

Like we saw a lot of it on on tape, it was broadcast, but like maybe give the police a little credit and be like, oh yeah. Like if you do a little press conference, it'd be like the police were so supportive of us in our in our efforts. We're having a little bit of a PR problem right now.

SPEAKER_09

Rick, we used to be tight, and we're done. We're gonna deal out our own justice, right, sis?

SPEAKER_05

Right.

SPEAKER_09

Sick of the way that you're handling the city. We've got new friends and allies, we're a new squad, and we're not on your team anymore.

SPEAKER_04

And when you need us, don't ask. Because we won't come when few call. We'll come when we need to. I almost got through it all.

SPEAKER_00

Uh you got a little a little new team here, huh? What are you calling yourselves now?

SPEAKER_04

You know what? Probably slow pig street justice.

SPEAKER_12

SBS J.

SPEAKER_07

SBSJ, okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And so SBSJ walks to the back of the mall.

SPEAKER_03

Stops to get subs.

SPEAKER_00

Stops to get subs.

SPEAKER_03

They make the like opera singer make the subs. We're like, you're wearing the costume. Okay, you just real quick.

SPEAKER_00

Like uh, okay, Scarlett Cantante makes the makes some subs for you.

SPEAKER_03

She used to work there before she entered me, probably. It's her survival job. She actually still works there.

SPEAKER_00

I was here like six. I only I only made it bigger a little bit ago, so you know I I know. Still picking up shifts, yeah. Yeah, I still have to, well, yeah, I still pick up shifts every night once in a while. I I the offer happens at night, so I work here in them. Anywho, here's your subs.

SPEAKER_14

Thanks, Scarlett.

SPEAKER_00

Um, and you head to the back and I guess get into the limo. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah. You guys gotta wanna come in? Well, I have I have my bike, so I kinda I can't leave my bike.

SPEAKER_04

Whisper, do you wanna come in? You guys wanna come over?

SPEAKER_06

Okay, I can I could use a ride.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. We can drop you off wherever you want to go, or you can convert back to our house. Do you think do you guys have any like do you have any like merch?

SPEAKER_14

Because my little brother's like a big fan.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, if you merch.

SPEAKER_09

I mean, uh our old merch. We should get new merch. He can have as much of the old merch as he wants because we're not that anymore. We can give him all the limited edition stuff. Yeah, now it's time to come over.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, absolutely. I would love that. He's the president of the QLJ fan club.

SPEAKER_04

Wait, of the local chapter? Yeah. They are so active. They do like charity events every week.

SPEAKER_00

What's what's your uh butler or your butler's name again?

SPEAKER_10

Rad. Rad.

SPEAKER_00

Rad.

SPEAKER_10

Of course.

SPEAKER_00

Rad Rad pops the trunk and it's just filled with like little plushies that were like their hand, like it's like two plushies and their hands are like sewn together. They're like, like they're holding hands. Oh, that's cute.

SPEAKER_14

Uh one side has trees coming out, the other side has a dagger.

SPEAKER_00

We can get rid of as many of these as you want.

SPEAKER_14

You wanna you wanna take some of these from the trunk? I will take one of everything and put it in like the saddlebags of the motorcycle and the meatball.

SPEAKER_09

No, you have to come hang out if you want the plushies. Hang. Hang.

SPEAKER_14

Hang, hang.

SPEAKER_06

Haven't we had enough hanging today? Oh.

SPEAKER_14

Dark.

SPEAKER_04

You're um, well.

SPEAKER_14

Okay. Well, my my shift at the prison isn't supposed to be over for another couple hours, so I guess I could come hang.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, we can like watch a movie or something.

SPEAKER_03

We just got a new VCR. Whoa. Yeah. You guys have one of those?

SPEAKER_14

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I'm gonna come over.

SPEAKER_09

And a rewinder.

SPEAKER_18

Oh you have to wait. What?

SPEAKER_00

It's shaped like a sports car. So you all get into the limo or your motorcycle or your motorcycle. I'll just I'll just tie it onto the roof. Rad just picks up the motorcycle, puts it on the roof, bungee cords it. You're good.

SPEAKER_13

That's nice. Get on in there. Get in there.

SPEAKER_00

Um, and you drive back to do you guys have a last name?

SPEAKER_13

Last one.

SPEAKER_09

Another Kelsey clap em clap 'em. Clap 'em.

SPEAKER_14

Clap em manor, that's not nothing.

SPEAKER_00

Clap 'em. Philip Philip Clap em and Kelsey clap em, right?

SPEAKER_18

And oh my god. They invented the light.

SPEAKER_06

That's how the family made their fortune. Clap on the light.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. The clap on clap on the cloud.

SPEAKER_04

And also those the one plastic things that go like this, and they have the two hands on it that clap back and forth.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Wild. Um, so you head back to Clapham Manor. Uh, Rad throws the bike on the top, bungee cords it, and you head off together um into the sunset. Rad turns up the music in the back, and you all party your way into the sunset, the vigilantes of Grimsburg. And that's, I think, where we'll end our session. Thank you so much for listening, everybody.

SPEAKER_04

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00

And thank you to our stunt cast.

SPEAKER_04

Woo!

SPEAKER_17

Oh my god, that's us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That's all of you.

SPEAKER_04

Thanks so much.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you so much. Sarah and I, for Scattergood, um, if you're listening to this, it should be the end of July right now. Yeah. Um, we have a show on August 2nd at UCB, if you're in New York City. Um, the Sketch Cage match. That's Sunday, August 2nd at 7 p.m.

SPEAKER_04

I think so.

SPEAKER_00

Around there. Google it.

SPEAKER_09

Um, I'll plug the SummerSling Stage Combat Instant Workshop, which is open to anybody. You don't have to have any experience if you just play DD and you've always wanted to know what it'd be like to swing a real steel sword at your friend. You and your friend should come down to Brooklyn College August 22nd to 24th. The three of us will be there. And um, whether you're picking up a sword for the first time or for an up time, you're an actor, you're just interested in swinging a sword because it sounds fun. It is fun. It is fun. It is fun. Uh, spoiler alert. Yeah, come on down, check us out at Summersling.com.

SPEAKER_14

If you are in the DMB, the Virginia, Maryland area, you can come check out the Vixen's on guard. We will be performing at the 50th anniversary of the Maryland Renaissance Fair. I'll be there the first two weekends in my um Girl Drag Alter Ego as Andromeda. And um it's fun. We're an all-female Shakespeare and sword fighting company that do like 25 minute versions of Shakespeare shows and fight each other. Great time.

SPEAKER_06

It is a great time.

SPEAKER_14

I love that.

SPEAKER_06

On a completely separate kind, uh, I have a plug for an audio drama for people who are thinking for more things to listen to. The Disappearance of Lydia Fontaine is a uh, I believe 10-part audio drama being produced by uh Foxbot Media Companies. You can find it wherever you get podcasts or lydia disappears.com.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, that's cool. Literally Googling that right now. That's that sounds great.

SPEAKER_00

All right, and I think with that, well, thank you, the listeners, yeah. Uh, for listening to our fun little one-shot show. We will be back with another brand new cast, brand new concept uh for Earth 2K um next month. But for now, thank you all. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_19

Goodbye.

SPEAKER_00

Bye.

SPEAKER_19

This was a lot.

SPEAKER_09

Dang.

SPEAKER_19

Um, it looks like the end of a movie.

SPEAKER_09

I haven't seen this much blood since your period. Oh say anything else.

SPEAKER_11

I heard you. I saw you.

SPEAKER_09

Like, how close were they?

SPEAKER_00

Um uh please, not that close. Take two, take two, take two. Let's let's hear let's hear Mike's second thought.