The Long Con: I Once was Lost

Trigger Warning!!!

In this episode we talk openly about addictions, recovery, relapse, losing custody and reaching a point where I no longer wanted to here. It's a story about the consequences of addiction, the devastation of losing everything you love, and the moments when survival feels impossible. 

Transcript

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Toby and Ray Ray 0:01

Good morning, friends. This is Toby. It's Ray Ray. Welcome to Two Girls One Mike. Season two, The Long Con: A Town Deceived. Episode 3. I Once Was Lost.

Toby 0:14

My name is Toby, and this is still my story. So on the last episode, we ended off where I had just started a new job and she was pregnant. Um, so we're going to February 2023. I meet this guy for the sake of this. We are calling him blip. If you're watching, I want you to know that we're calling you that because you were a blip in the fucking matrix. I should have never dated you. Anyways. Um, so we take my kids to dinner, and then uh after dinner, he's driving, he stops at the dispensary, and he goes in. And while I'm in the vehicle, the oldest starts crying and I ask what's wrong. And then he starts telling me that daddy's hitting him. And he goes into detail exactly how he's doing it. And the youngest confirms that yes, in fact, dad is doing all of these things, but it was uh, you know, dad choked me, dad shook me, dad stomped on my head, dad's dad smacks me, like went into all these details. And my youngest said, Dad never stepped on your head, but he did everything else. So I have a mental breakdown. Of course, I have to drink about it before I do anything. Um, I ended up calling the cops, go to court to try and get a protection order. Um, they tell me that I need to serve him. We're trying to get him served, but he's hiding out at this point. MCFD is involved trying to get a protection order in any way possible. So MCFD decides to do um, what's the word I'm looking for? An investigation on it. So he's not allowed to see the kids at this point, any of the kids, my kids, her kids, anybody's kids. So we I never end up getting them served, so the judge is like, you don't get a protection order. We take the kids, me, take the kids to the cop shop and they get interviewed by a special police officer and MCFD.

Chapter 1 - Protection Order from lap dog, kids inform Toby they are being hit by their dad. Brought to the cops office to be interviewed.

Toby 2:20

Now, when the lady goes in, um, the cop was great, but once the lady from MCFD goes in, she is something. When I tell you, I pray for the karma that's coming for your children's children because you are a horrible human being. And she doesn't take it seriously. She's mad we started without her, and then she says, Your kids aren't scared enough. So he's now allowed to see the children. That makes zero sense. Way to way to protect kids. Zero sense. And I told and I feel like I failed because I told them, don't be afraid. Mom's got your back. You go in there, you tell them you'll never have to see dad again. The youngest cried a little bit and said, Who's gonna be my dad? That's really hard. My oldest said, I'm the man of the house now. Oh, you know, like trying everything. So fine. They throw it out. I have no choice but to let him have his kids. And now he's not really a go-getter. Um, lap dog. Lapdog is not really a go-getter, but the phantom mother is a vindictive, disgusting, vile fucking maggot. So at any point, she will pack up the vehicle, ditch her kids, and try and take mine from me. So she drives him to the house that they're at while I'm at work. And now Judas is there. And this is where Judas is gonna come into the story more and more. For reference, Judas is my sister. Damn. So Judas and her hubby are trying to not let him take the kids. They're yelling, they're screaming, they're threatening. And I let them all know you have to let him have his kids. I will be in the wrong if you don't. This needs to be taken to court. Blah, blah, blah.

Chapter 2 - MCFD interviews the kids and says the kids don't have enough trauma, protection thrown out. Intro to Judas.

Toby 4:10

So now just back up a little bit. While we're going through all of this, the Phantom Mother shows up at my work and serves me with papers to go to court to get full custody. It's in her handwriting, and she got the majority of the details wrong, but says that I am not good for their mental health, and then signs his name. So Judas is freaking out, calls me a terrible mother. I don't deserve my kids. How could you do that? You know, you're throwing them into the lion's den, blah, blah, blah. Terrible. So now we're back to 50-50. And uh the Phantom Mother told me that they dropped their court order. They're not taking it. Um, I don't believe them. So I try and bring in my reply, but because we're going through MCFD, other court things, I'm a little bit late. So I asked for an extension. They can't find any paperwork at this point. I asked for an extension. They said they'll ask the judge and then they'll call me. Nobody ever called me. So I believed it. Everything was calm at this point.

Ray Ray 5:16

Who was supposed to call you?

Toby 5:18

The court to let me know that the extension was either granted or denied, and then I could put my reply in. Okay. So everything's calm. Nobody thinks they're going to court, or at least I don't think I'm going to court. It is what it is. Everything's still 50-50. Now, in this time, somewhere, because remember, she's pregnant. Yeah. Her baby dies. She's full term, and it was a stillborn. Um, I cried for her because, as much as I hate her, I would never wish that on anybody. That is a pure definition of a fate worse than death.

Ray Ray 5:57

Absolutely.

Toby 5:57

That's that is absolutely horrible. Something anybody should ever go through. But I find out a little bit later that she's telling everybody I stressed her out so bad that the baby died. So she's essentially blaming me for the death of her baby. That's I just don't understand that. That's I don't either, but this is small, important information that we're gonna need you to hold on to for episodes to come. I am being blamed. I don't think I can forget that of her baby.

Ray Ray 6:25

That's just nuts.

Toby 6:27

So now I'm at work, like it a while passes. I'm at work, I get the boys after work. I'm supposed to get the boys after work. It is it is my week with the boys. And Phantom Mother and I are texting. Uh, she's telling me things about the kids, we're joking, you know, just trying to keep it just chill, and I don't want to fight anymore. All of a sudden, I get a text from her. You had court today and you didn't show up, so they gave him full custody, and you get them every second weekend. So you're not gonna see them until Friday. I snapped. I lost it. He's not answering my phone calls. Um, because at this point, the no contact is over. He's only not speaking to me because she won't allow it. So I'm trying to call him. He's not answering. I called her, told her she was a horrible person. She's basically laughing at me. I'm crying. I made it to the courthouse in an illegal amount of time. I'm gonna tell you that right now. Through all of the main city roads, I sped like a motherfucker. I did not care who you were, I was cutting you off. I made it there so fast. There was nothing I could do. My mom, aunt, uncle, and boyfriend show up there. They're trying to help me. We get papers in order. I don't know what to do but drink and cry. And that's all I can

Chapter 3 - Phantom mother losses her baby (still born), finds out by texts she blames Toby for the death of her baby over stress (remember this for future). Phantom mother serves Toby and then lies to Toby by phone that their dropping the court papers.

Toby 7:51

do. I end up going to ball that night as uh one of my best friends and ball coach convinces me to go. This is where you need to be. It's safe for you to be around people, it's not safe for you to be alone. True. So I go, I see the kids there, and the oldest runs to me crying, Mommy, what happened? You said I wouldn't have to go back there, and now I can barely go to yours. I don't understand. What do we do? And I'm crying, and I said, I promise I'll fix it. What I didn't take into account was that the Phantom mother is the most vindictive person I've ever met in my entire life. And I didn't realize the shitstorm that was gonna come from this. It's like she plotted this from the beginning. So she took full control over the situation. Again, I'm legally allowed to talk to him now, but I'm not allowed to talk to him according to her law. So everything has to go through her. Um, and this is gonna be this would be the second time I'm going to mention this character. The first time I mentioned them, I mentioned that him and I are at their house drinking, and that's when we got to the fight, and then I was taken to the hospital. So this friend we are calling the whistleblower, who will come up a lot more later on. But at this point, the whistleblower and I are no longer friends, and she is friends with them, with the Phantom Mother and the Lapdog. She's the one who took the side when you guys separated. Correct. Yeah, yeah, that first didn't take sides, ended up taking sides. So, in this little point, she makes a TikTok making fun of me for not having custody of my children.

Ray Ray 9:39

This person wasn't in your life for a long time.

Toby 9:43

We were pregnant with our, so she had one child, and then the next two we were pregnant at the same time for both. So it was it was a long friendship that ended up that blows my mind. Yeah, so that one was hard for me. Losing her was harder than losing my husband. Absolutely, because friends are are just a different species. Yeah, so that one was really hard for me. Now hold on to to this character because she will come up later. Um, and it'll be more understanding. So TikTok was made at this point. The Phantom Mother is making everything about

Chapter 4 - Broken promises. Legally allowed to talk to Lap dog but phantom mother does not allow this. Intro to Whistle blower. TikTok evidence making fun of Toby and her character.

Toby 10:26

my visits and my life miserable. She reached out to my boyfriend, Blip, his ex-wife, and her family to make friends with them. So now all of them are at me, all of them are bullying me. It is a lot. I don't even understand why the ex-wife and his family are hating me at this point. Um, Blip lied more than anyone I've ever met. And now when I say this, because the Phantom mother lies and the lapdog lies and Judas lies, but this motherfucker would lie about the weather.

Ray Ray 11:02

You know? It's raining, but it's snowing.

Toby 11:05

Yeah, like just the dumbest lies, but everything had to be a lie. Like I am positive it is a mental disorder that he needs to have fixed by Jesus himself. So he lied about everything, and I paid for it through our two-year relationship, and I actually didn't find out any of the truth until 2025, which we will get to later. So I didn't know why everybody was coming at me this hard, but Phantom Mother fed on it, like, yes, other people hate her. Let's go, and then started making friends with people that she hated, that I also hated, we were all mutual enemies, but she went as far as making friends with those those people because their commonality was the hatred for me, right? Like I would, if I hate you and the person next to you, I'm gonna hate you both no matter what. Like, I'm not making friends with one person just to make your life miserable. That's too much work. Absolutely. So I have the kids and it's the day that they

Chapter 5 - Phantom mother makes friends with Blips ex wife and her sister to make Toby's life hell to invade her life and feeds off of it.

Toby 12:08

go home. So my oldest calls his dad and says, We want to stay another night. Can we please stay another night? And there's him and Han, and he finally goes, Yes, yes, you can stay another night. Perfect, wonderful. So now at this point, the Phantom mother, whom I know is drinking and she's with all of my old friends, and they're all shit talking to me. They all hate me. I could hear them all in the background of the phone call, whatever. Her and I get into a fight because she's basically calling me terrible. And, you know, I get in the the kids' heads and I say this and I say that. And so I flat out said, Listen, bitch, I think you're a disgusting human, a fucking maggot. I said, but I'd never say that to the kids. So she gets mad, demands that I bring the kids back by five. It was 445. Well haha. And Block Dog wouldn't answer his phone, no matter how many times the kids called. And she said he will not be answering, and he can talk to the kids when they get here. Now I felt like I was cornered, I was scared. Like courts scare me, cops scare me, you know, like the system has failed me at this point. If I don't bring the kids back, like what kind of shit am I gonna get into? In hindsight, now looking back, I should have waited for his phone call because who the fuck are you to tell me what to do, bitch? Yeah, she is now part of it. You're not even a stepmother, you're still married to your ex and your baby daddy with his last name. This is this is my family, this is my kids. Yeah, so this played on my my mental health like fucking crazy.

Chapter 6 - Phantom mother abuses the power lap dog gave her and continues to take advantage of when Toby can see HER kids.

Toby 13:47

So it's women's year end. Uh Friday night, alcohol is involved, of course. Um, and blip and I are drinking, but we end up getting into a fight because he lied about some shit and did some shady things, and the math wasn't mathing. So huge fight. Whatever. Wake up the next morning and we're still mad at each other, or rather, I'm mad at him. He's kind of calmed down a little bit. Whatever, take the kids, head to the ball field. I have ball to play. So he apologizes, I forgive him, play ball, days over, drinking in the beer gardens. End up leaving to take um kid number one to hockey. He's got a practice. So he we get there, he gets on the ice. Now Blip and I are arguing, and I cannot, for the life of me, remember what the fuck we were arguing about. No idea. But he leaves, he takes off. My mother drove my vehicle with me, him, and the kids in it. I did not drink and drive with my children. Of course not. You would never do that. No, surprisingly enough, absolutely not. Um, so he takes off. So lapdog comes outside and he's texting on his phone. I go up to talk to him, and I'm like, you motherfucker, how could you do this to me and how could you do this to them? And he's like, You're a fucking drunk, you're a piece of shit, you've never been a good mother, and you deserve this, and this is fucking payback for you taking them from me. And that's the point where I snapped and I tried to hit him, and he's ducking and dodging out of the way. And now his friends who I have never met before decide to get involved, uh man and a woman, and I don't really know that they get involved until later on. This because I'm like blocked out, drunk, plus blacked out, angry. So they get involved because why not run into the fucking firehead first? This is none of your goddamn business. He's a grown-ass man, and I am a little woman. Yeah. So fuck out of here with your toxic masculinity. Anyways, so he gets uh his friend comes in between us. I push him, knock some corn dogs out of his hands. Fucking corn dogs catch up everywhere. Everywhere. My oldest is on the ice, so he didn't see any of this, but my youngest is unfortunately there. The only thing I can say now is I thank God he was so young because he doesn't remember. That's good. But I was crying, I hugged him, I held on to him, I told him I would always love him and I would never forget him, and I would visit him in his dreams.

Ray Ray 16:22

Oh, so that's just a mom thing, you know? Like it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter how you know in coherent you are, it's just something that a mom does.

Toby 16:34

Absolutely. So at this point, because we forgot to say it at the beginning, but this is the

Chapter 7 - Ice rink incident. Blip and Toby arguing the night before, ball the next day drinking involved. Mom brings the kids to hockey with Toby and a huge fight breaks out. Corn dog guy gets involved.

Toby 16:39

important point, the important part, this is your trigger warning. If you can't handle it, now's your time to get out. So I walk home, and on my walk home, I'm talking to myself in my head because I know what needs to be done. This is what I've convinced myself. And I'm wearing this necklace, bear with me, I may cry. Um, I'm wearing this necklace that the whistleblower actually got me, and it has a photo of my father in it. And I knew I couldn't do what I was about to do with him there, so I ripped it off and I threw it into the bushes. Um, I get home, I make it there at the same time the police show up because bystanders had called the police. So go in the house, and I don't want anything to do with these cops, and I know what I want to do, but they're here. How am I gonna do this? So the female cop is giving me every bit of attitude that her entire bloodline has. Why doesn't women do that? I don't know. It's a power trip thing, which is just is absolutely disgusting. So the male cop he was being super kind. So I tell her, I tell them both, I was like, uh, I need to go to the bathroom to change my tampon. I was not on my period. So I went into the bathroom and I took my brand new bottle of Adam the whole thing. And I threw it at them and I laughed. I said, fucking arrest me, I'm gonna be dead soon anyway. And um I remember the female cop said, I bet you your kids are proud of you. Wow, what and the male cop gasped and I hauled off and fucking hit her. Get arrested, get brought to the hospital. But while they're bringing me outside, I'm calling her a frigid bitch and tell her that she needs to go get some fucking dick. Because why wouldn't I do that, right? Stay classy. You're not wrong. I'm not wrong. My mom and blip show up as I'm being taken in there, and my mom's crying, asking me why I would do this. Sorry.

Toby and Ray Ray 18:58

Don't be sorry. Um, and I apologize to her, and I remember looking at Blip and telling him, This is your fucking fault.

Chapter 8 - TRIGGER WARNING! Toby takes a walk, cops make it to her. Goes to the washroom and downs a full bottle of Ativan to unalive herself. Cops says bet your kids are proud of you.

Toby 19:06

Um, so I go to the hospital and I won't find this out till later because I am out of it. I three days worth of sleeping. Um, and luckily I woke up without any major mental damages or or anything. But while I am unconscious for those days, Phantom Mother contacts him to laugh about what's happening to me, to tell me she knows everything, because there's a friend in the hospital who is telling her everything. Yes. How is that legal? It's not legal. I know who the person is related to. The person is related to is the Phantom Mother's friend who used to be Judas' neighbor, it was her sister. I found this out later thanks to the lap dog and whistleblower telling me who it was. So if you guys are listening, if you think I'm not fucking coming for your job, you got another thing coming. Anyways, she's making fun of me, she's laughing about it, I know everything that's going on, blah, blah, blah. So I sleep for three days, wake up,

Chapter 9 - 3 days in hospital unconscious, phantom mother phones & tells blip she knows everything cause she has a friend at the hospital. Lap dog and whistle blower confirm this information. She then continues to make fun trying to unalive herself.

Toby 20:26

and uh one of the psychiatrists is there, and they're talking to me. And uh, him and Blip and my mother eventually convinced me to go into the psych ward. I was gonna be put into the psych ward anyway, and it was your choice this time. But they let me make it my choice so then it just looked better, and I was just like, fine, I'll go. So while I'm in the psych ward, I start going to AA. Um, I start counseling, and now I've got another peace bond on me, but this one's a little bit different. So no contact and no go, but I don't have any other bands and I don't have a probation officer, I'm not on probation. It's just one year and no contact, no go. And for three years, my assault on a peace officer shows on my record, but that will go away because I was never formally charged with anything. That's good. So while the Phantom Mother loves to talk about my criminal charges uh on Facebook, please know I was never formal formally criminally charged with everything. It was a peace bond. Everything will go away. And the fact that somebody is struggling this much mentally, and you have no problem picking at them until they try to unalive themselves makes you the fucking villain. The accomplice. You are absolutely a disgusting human, and I hope you fucking burn in hell. Anyways, so during this time of me being in the psych ward, trying to get better, trying to get all the the help I can.

Ray Ray 22:16

Also, I've met you in there. That was a scene.

Toby 22:22

Were you visiting me in the psych ward? You did so good. I did. Sticky socks and all. Sticky socks and all. You know what? I want to let you know that I was one of the popular ones in there. I bet you were. And I had a really hot nurse who I called nurse McSteamy, and he'd always get mad at me and say, Tabitha, stop sexualizing me. No. Um, you're in the ward for what? I'm not here because I'm sane, sir. So

Chapter 10 - Agrees to go to the Psych ward, starts counselling and AA. NOT FORMALLY CRIMINALLY CHARGED FOR ANYTHING. Phantom mother continues to spread rumors and lies about Toby confirmed by family and friends by text.

Toby 22:46

prior to me going in here, I found out that one of my close friends was diagnosed with stage four cancer. Um, and that was heartbreaking because she's one of the nicest people on the planet. So call her Angel. Yes, we'll call her Angel. She's she's my sweet baby Angel. So while I'm in the psych ward, which I would like to point out, she's going through all this cancer stuff, and she's coming to visit me and she's bringing me food. She's made at home because she knows hospital food is terrible. Like, just what a fucking good human being. You deserve all of the world's greatest gifts. But instead, unfortunately, you were gifted the curse of the Phantom Mother because the Phantom Mother threw her a charity tournament, not an on books charity tournament either. She did this herself, wanted to be everybody's hero, and it was between $10,000 to $20,000 that was raised.

Ray Ray 23:44

And in that mindset, that is so good.

Toby 23:46

That is so good. Like, what a good person for you to do that for somebody else. Wow, let's slow clap for you. Yes. But wait. Now, where did the fucking money go? Right. Where did the fucking money go? Where did it disappear to? She fucked Angel around so many times. You'll get it, you'll get it. I have to deal with this. I have to close this. This has to be paid. Blah, blah, blah, blah. It wasn't until friends contacted Lap Dog to tell them she was never paid. So now she only got ended up getting about $10,000 back, and it was in payments. That's disgusting. So anybody who knows anything about needing to go through huge treatments like this, losing your job, losing your partner, trying to figure life out, you need all of that money. Little payments do not help. You literally fucked over the world's nicest human being because you needed that money. For fucking what? You cried and told the whistleblower, I'm just trying to keep up with the Joneses. Yeah, well, Angel's just trying to keep her fucking life. Literally. Nobody cares about your fucking pity me stories. No. You're a shit fucking human being and you deserve to be purged. Yep.

Chapter 11 - Not registered Charity tournament for a friend who had Stage 4 Cancer. Took all the money and was called out and gave her $10,000 in stages not the full amount. Confirmed by whistle blower who was very close. Keeping up with the Joneses.

Toby 25:09

So now, end of October, I get out of the sideboard and blip and I move to a new place. And uh I ask if I can talk to the kids on the phone or FaceTime or anything, and she's full-blown, absolutely the fuck not. You will not see them. You must take this to court. You're terrible. You don't deserve them, blah, blah, blah. Fine. I just bite the bullet, wait for court. Court comes. The judge ends up getting mad at him because he won't even allow FaceTimes. And he says, Lap Dog says, I didn't know she asked for FaceTimes. And all of our heads turn to look at him. And I was like, Are you fucking kidding me? She's not even telling you. She took full control and is telling you, I am unable to see my children. Just disgusting. So the judge grants FaceTimes. Um, and it's supposed to be through her because I have a peace bond. I'm not supposed to communicate with him, blah, blah, blah. So she snaps, Phantom Mother snaps, and says, No, you're not talking to them. You don't deserve them. I can't believe the judge would do this, blah, blah, blah. Like throws a whole fit. So I don't know what happened between the two of them, but he ends up FaceTiming my mother so that I can talk to the boys. So I talk to them, it's great. Um, time goes on, and the judge grants supervised visitation, and I state I would like my mother to be the person who supervises. Of course. And now at this point, he states he wants Judas to be the person who supervises.

Chapter 12 - Phantom mother refuses Toby to talk to her kids. Lap dog is unaware what phantom mother says to Toby. Judge grants video calls. Phantom Mom refuses judges ruling. Judge grants supervised visits with Toby.

Toby 27:01

Now, during all of this, Judas has, while I was in the psych ward, Judas went into my home and started searching through my stuff. She found what looked to be like a little white straw and started telling everybody I was on Coke. She licked it, said she could taste it, her mouth is going numb. She's a huge drug. So I hysterically laugh about this. So anybody who knows me knows I don't put things up my nose. I can't even put my allergy medicine up my nose. It's just, it's a feeling that I just I don't fuck with putting things in my nose the same way I don't fuck with styrofoam. You know what I mean? It's just disgusting. So she licks it. So anybody who's ever gotten their eyelashes done, you know you get that little brush and it's got a protector on it. So that straw was a protector from that. Oh my god. Anyways, so he says he wants Judas to be the person who supervises the visits. She is a known addict. Literally. He knows she is an addict, but she is still to this day so madly in love and obsessed with him that he knows he's got this bitch wrapped around his little finger.

Ray Ray 28:07

This guy is not that great, guys.

Toby 28:09

He's not got a small penis. And even at that, it's just is not good. It's not great. It's really not. Like he's just good with words. So the judge agrees to my mother, which is lovely. And supervised visitation goes good for months. And I can't remember when, but at some point, he comes over to my house with Blip there, with my mother there, with the two kids there. He's not supposed to be there. There's a no-contact order, but he needs to talk to me personally about the children. So he sits down, we're outside, I'm spaced far enough away, listening to the conversation. Everybody's around for to be witnesses, whatever. He agrees to give me 50-50. He said, I'll give you what you want. I know you're doing well. I know you're sober. So he agrees to give me 50-50 custody as long as I promise I won't go for child support.

Toby and Ray Ray 29:03

That it should just be hand in hand. Also, it's fucking blackmail. It really is. Like, here's your kids, but don't ask me for money.

Toby 29:11

So I sat there and I smiled and I said, I'm sober. I'm going to counseling. I'm doing everything that I need to do. For you. What makes you think the judge won't give me 50-50 and child support?

Ray Ray 29:24

Exactly.

Toby 29:25

And so he said, Okay, instead of child support, I will pay all of the medical and dental and extra and extraordinary expenses. So we agreed. We signed the papers. It's been the same ever since.

Chapter 13 - Blip let Judas into Toby's house and accuses her to everyone she is doing drugs she found a straw and licked it. Lap Dog and Toby agree to support still refuses to pay child support.

Toby 29:39

July 2024 rolls by. I have 50-50 of my kids. Life looks okay. I'm nine months sober. And on the day that I turn, nine months sober. I relapsed. It was a big day. It was a big day. So I think that's where I'm gonna cut this story short. I think you that was a that was a lot and uh very emotional in that one. And I think you did so well. Thank you.

Toby and Ray Ray 30:15

It was very emotional. If there's any parts where of this whole series, if anybody has questions or I've missed something, feel free to ask the questions. You can reach out to either one of us, and then at the end we'll do a QA.

Ray Ray 30:28

Yeah.

Toby 30:28

Because I'm sure there's things that I've missed. But uh I want to thank everybody for listening.

Chapter 14 - 9 months sober Toby relapse.

Toby and Ray Ray 30:33

Well, everybody has uh some people have a part of this and they want maybe want to be heard on their side, and that's fair. Yeah, but definitely a question. Well, until next time, remember the truth always catches up. Bye.