The Long Con - The Relapse

In this episode, Toby opens up about her harrowing journey through relapse, sharing the moments that led her back into addiction and the complexities of her relationship with Blip. This isn’t just a narrative of falling back into old habits; it’s about the emotional turmoil and the fight to reclaim her life.

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Introduction to Toby's story and the episode's focus

Ray Ray 0:15

The long con, the relapse. I'm Ray Way. Welcome back to the long con. This episode is going to hit a little differently. Today we're talking about the relapse, the part of Toby's relationship with Blip that became much darker than we've shared so far. For the majority of that relationship, addiction wasn't just something happening in the background. It affected decisions, relationships, trust, and eventually Toby's own ability to recognize just how dangerous her life had become. There were moments when things got so bad that Toby came damn near losing her life. We're not telling this part for shock value. We're telling it because you can't understand the full extent of the long con without understanding what Toby was going through behind closed doors and just how far down things went before she finally started finding her way back. So this is the long con, the relapse. And Toby, take us back where this part of the story really began.

Toby 1:16

Hi friends, this is Toby. And this is my story. So this one's

The beginning of Toby's relapse and the role of alcohol and drugs

Toby 1:23

gonna be a little tough for me. Please bear with me. Now remember in all of this, I am trying to piece together a time frame. So some of my timing may be off. This wasn't just a regular relapse. I didn't just start drinking. I unfortunately started drugging as well. And while I've been accused of doing all the drugs in the world, my drug of choice, it was Molly and occasionally some mushrooms. That's what I did, and I stuck with it. The problem was I overdid it. And this is how in July of 2024, on the day that I turned nine months sober, we were driving out of town to go on a little vacation. Just the two of us, just blip and I. And I remember he mentioned, you know, what if we had some

The influence of external betrayal and emotional triggers

Toby 2:24

drinks? It's just the two of us. We're on vacation, there's no kids. Like, I think we can handle it by now. And at this point, we hadn't gone to AA in a while, you know, ball season and whatnot. Life was busy.

Ray Ray 2:36

Because at AA you can kind of stop whenever.

Toby 2:38

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So I didn't have any program behind me, and I had already said to myself that I was not quitting forever. Like, do you know how long forever is? That's forever. Like forever. It's stupid. So dumb. Oh my god. So I was like, well, I mean, you know, hot as fuck outside. A beer would be so refreshing right now. That yeah. Yeah. And so I said, All right, let's do it. And the excitement in his face was absolutely unreal. So we pull up to this liquor store that's along the highway, uh, or in one of the towns that we have to pass through along the highway. And I said, Okay, you go in and get it. And his face dropped, and he goes, So you can blame it on me. And I said, No, so I don't have to get out of the air-conditioned fucking vehicle. I take responsibility for my own actions. I will open and drink my own beer. The guilt was already there, right? You go in and you fucking get it. Like stop being a bitch. So he went in and he got it. He got an eight-pack of Coors Banquet and brought it in the car, and we each grabbed one and we heard the and we smiled and we cheersed and we took that first drink. Now that weekend we handled ourselves well. We didn't fight, we were drinking on the beach, we ended up going to see a relative of mine whom is my favorite human, and we shall call my boy Blue. My boy blue. Went to see him, told him we were we were drinking again. He's not gonna judge no matter what happens, right? So he's like, all right, you guys want one? Sure. We got intoxicated there, stayed an extra night, went back home, and we agreed we were only gonna drink on vacation.

Ray Ray 4:38

Ah, yes, that is the key to AA is just vacations.

Toby 4:43

Absolutely, just vacations. And then it went to, well, we'll just drink when we don't have the kids because I only had my kids 50% of the time. And at this time, he only had his one child once in a blue moon. The youngest, the oldest didn't really want to be around us. So it got to that point, and I had like the place we were living in was a two-bedroom, fully fenced backyards, and it was summertime, so it was really nice. And I had my mother's location, and I knew like that bitch would just pop by. She did not give a fuck. We could be naked on the lawn, fucking, and she didn't care. She's popping by. Oh, sorry, are you guys busy? You know, like yeah. So I had her location, and I would make sure to follow. So I knew if she was coming and I knew if I needed to hide the drinks. This is the only time in my entire life of drinking that I had ever hidden booze from anybody. Because other than that, I was like, fuck that, yeah, I'm drinking. Like, what are you gonna do about it? I do not care. But at this point, I was like, nah, I can't lose my kids. But the majority of my brain was like, it's fine to drink, it's okay, it's gonna be okay to do this. And if they're not around, that's absolutely okay. So somewhere in here, I don't know if it's at this house or the next house, but I remember being told by the whistleblower, and this this fuels my drinking, which is why it is important. At some point, I am told the phantom mother has gotten a tattoo for my children. What? Not just any tattoo, she has all of these very basic white girl like clocks on her with her kids' birth times, and then she added the lapdog's oldest child's birth time, and then my two children's birth time. I'm sorry. Now, not only were you not there for any of the births, and you did not birth them, um, you didn't even fucking know him. You know what I mean? Like the idea of the clock is and putting the birth time as this is when time stood still. Like that is generally what that means. Did time stand still for you then when you realized that the man you were going to home wreck one day would have children on these times. Like it makes zero fucking sense. Why are you this crazy?

Ray Ray 7:22

That's just ridiculous. I've never heard such a thing.

Toby 7:24

Like ever, ever, ever. Like, so just absolutely gross. So that fueled the fucking fire for me. So I start drinking more,

The escalation of addiction and risky behaviors

Toby 7:34

and but the drinking starts getting more aggressive because in the beginning, uh like we didn't fight as much, but now we're fighting, right? Like I have gone through the ringer and I'm being accused of this, that, and the other thing. So at one point, he accuses me of saying one of my ex's names during sex. Uh, Mr. Clean is what we'll call him. Ah, yes. I didn't, and I stand on that hill. I will die on that hill. I absolutely did not say his name. And like we finished the duty, and when he was done, he's like, Why would you say that motherfucker's name? And then he went off, and I'm like, What the fuck is happening? Like, so confused, didn't sleep all night because it's just anything he could to pick out a fight. You know what I mean? Like, he was really good at switching situations where he thought, or manipulating situations into what he wanted them to be. And that's what I'm gonna say for this one. Because after this, he started to change in the sense of, well, I Googled it, and Google says if you say somebody else's name during sex, it's not that you're thinking about that person, it's that you had a euphoric feeling with that person, and I've now brought you to euphoric feeling, which I'm gonna tell you right now is a lie. There was nothing euphoric about the sex we had blip. No, um, and uh, I know that they have had a lot of sex prior to this, yeah. But that other person, and this blip is not even close. No, not even close, not even, sir, yeah, like Mr. Clean absolutely brought me to euphoria and back a million and one times. He still gets to be a piece of shit, but unfortunately, that's some grade A dick. Yeah, and blip, blip, stop it.

Ray Ray 9:23

Don't don't try to put yourself in that box, sir.

Toby 9:26

Right, so adorable. So, but then it changes to okay, well, now I want you to call me by his name during sex. What? Yeah, oh wait, what hold on your hold on to your knickers because this one gets good. I think you should stop drinking. Then he says, then he says to me, Well, what about a threesome? And I was like, I told you how I feel about threesomes when I'm in relationships, I won't do it. And he goes, No, no, no, not with a woman, with a man. Maybe you can ask him to join us.

Ray Ray 9:56

I'm I don't think I've ever known a man ask for another man unless they were trying to explore different avenues of their asses.

Toby 10:05

Now I didn't want to do that. I 100% was like, this is a trap. This is not a good idea. And not only did I think it was a trap and it was gonna cause a fight and it was not gonna be a good thing, it's I've had sex with both of you, and I know the sex with Mr. Clean is a hundred times better than it is with you. You do not want to see what this motherfucker makes me do. You know what I mean? Like you do not, you will not compare. Okay, I have literally lowered my standards and lowered the bar for you. Whereas with Mr. Clean, I didn't actually have to do any of that. You would be sitting in the corner watching, learning, maybe. So then it goes to maybe not a threesome, maybe he comes over, you guys start, and then I walk in and I can just watch from the corner. I just said that! I know. Oh my god. So he wants to be a cup. Yeah, I knew it. And it took me forever to even kind of agree. I would, I want to state we never ended up doing anything with another man or woman together in the relationship. There's another story, there was another couple incident. The guys just watched while the girl and I, whatever. Anyways, exploring different options. Drugs are bad, okay? Um, but no, we so we we never did any of that, but the messaging came through. So I messaged Mr. Clean, I unblocked him and I messaged him, and I was like, you would have like, I don't know what the fuck to say to you. Because I know he wants to in a heartbeat. The chemistry that the two of us had together, I'm sorry, but a Scorpio and a Taurus, oh fireworks. So he was like, if I wasn't currently in a relationship, I would take you up on that offer immediately. And I went, dang, didn't know you were in a relationship. My bad. Please, please just disregard this, right? So that part's done. So he's trying to find guy after guy after guy after guy after guy, and he's got all of these options of all of these people. And I'm like, what the fuck is happening? Now at this point, he's he's sending me dick pics from the other men. I'm like, these men are sending you dick pics, and then you're sending them to me. What the hell? And then I get two dick pics, which are essentially from the same person, he's telling me. And I'm like, they don't even look like the same dick. He's like, it's a different angle. So later, I ended up going on his phone because I'm gonna go on your phone. And to any man out there who says that's invasion of privacy, I let you put your private parts in my vagina. That's invasion of privacy. Shut your fucking face. I can go on your goddamn phone. Don't hide shit. Yeah. So go on his phone. He googled these photos, he cropped them out and he sent them to me. Like he's trying to get me all hot and bothered. There is nothing attractive to me or me. When a man sends me a picture of another man's dick, I don't even want to see your dick, you know? Like, unless we're in the moment having the sex, I don't want to see your dick. A dick pick is always unsolicited unless it's before we've had sex. And I'm like, show me a picture of your dick before I even waste the gas to come to your house, you know?

Ray Ray 13:22

Or decorate it a little bit.

Toby 13:24

Yeah. Like go shave, maybe wash it.

Toby and Ray Ray 13:26

Put a little hat on it. Yeah, who knows? The googly eyes. Yeah, a little Santa hat around Christmas time. We love that. Yeah, it's fun.

Toby 13:34

So that part of our relationship ends up becoming very, very, very rocky because he knows I'm not like the enjoyment of our sexual relations has gone extremely downhill for me. I can't even make it to my end without using some sort of artificial intelligence, is what we'll call it. Oh. Some sort of artificial intelligence. Um, so we'll we'll leave that story where it is right now. So at this point, we're still at the two-bedroom house with the the fully fans backyard. It's a great place. So now another character comes into play. Her name is going to be the storyteller. She sends Blip a big long text message because they worked together once upon a time. They might still be working together at this point. I don't 100% know. Sends a long message, and I can't remember what she is accusing me of to its full extent, but essentially she's accusing me of trashing her to her family or her her in-laws, she says. Now I only know one group of the in-laws, and she tells, and I'm like, I haven't talked to these people, God only knows how long. And I have this one person blocked. And she says, no, no, no. She's talking about corndog

The impact of betrayal and manipulation in Toby’s life

Toby 14:55

Carl and the Switch, whom I have never spoken to. We had an encounter, but I've never actually spoken to. And I actually didn't know they were related because a lot of people in this town share last names without sharing relations, right? Yeah. So I have no idea what the fuck she's talking about, but I do know that corndog Carl and the Switch are best friends with the Phantom Mother and the Lapdog.

Ray Ray 15:28

What?

Toby 15:29

That's so weird. No, right? Mind-blowing. And I do know that the storyteller has spoken to the phantom mother. I know she used to speak to the lap dog, but is not allowed to anymore because the phantom mother would not allow him to talk to females.

Toby and Ray Ray 15:45

What a what a weird that's to me that's so weird because she can talk to any male. Yeah, with her mouth or vagina.

Toby 15:52

Yeah, it's whatever opens up. Yeah, it's weird. So pause for laughter. Sorry. So now, um, so that part passes, and I am working, working a wedding. Um, and Blip is with me, and his youngest child came to help, right? We're having fun. Two of my favorite people on the planet. We're secretly taking smoke breaks in the car where we have hidden alcohol because we're super not losers at this point. Anyways, he gets a text from his ex-wife, who we're gonna call Mrs. Wright. Mrs. Wright. Yes, so Mrs. Wright says to him that she's moving out of town. Um, and at this point, I don't know if she's taking the kids, I don't know if she's leaving the kids, I don't know what's happening. I'm trying to get through this wedding, I'm trying to stay calm. Our place isn't big enough. What do we do? Blah, blah, blah. So I don't know what conversation he had with her. Everything I knew was whatever the fuck he told me. Every question I ever had, because a lot of like the math wasn't fucking mathing in so many situations, and then it would cause a fight. And I think because of everything I had already been through, I just fuck it, it's not worth it. Fuck it, it's not worth it. He's right. His ex is batshit fucking crazy. Fuck you, bitch. You're just jealous, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So now she's moving. I guess the house that they had, where he told me they owned, uh, she's selling. So she's moving, and we need to take the kids and all of her animals. She's got two dogs and a cat. And we already had a cat. And without even really talking to me about it, he tells me this is all happening. And I am confused and I don't know what the fuck's going on. And he even finds a place without me seeing it first. And in an idea, it was cute, but he was too lazy to fix anything, and the landlords didn't fix anything, and there was spiders and leaking, and it smelled, and sounds horrid. It was horrid, especially for somebody who has OCD. Yeah. And like um, his kids never cleaned up after themselves. They're teenagers, right? So it's the parents' responsibility, and I would say that to him: listen, if you're not gonna tell them to clean up after themselves, then it is your fucking responsibility to go into the rooms, take out the dirty dishes, and then fucking wash them yourselves. Because I get it. Trying to get kids to do anything is like pulling fucking teeth. Absolutely. I have two boys, I get it. I do not blame those children and still would absolutely take a bullet for both of them because I now understand the shit that they have been through, and I apologize for my part in it. Now, we moved to this place, it costs more money. We got four kids, four pets, and he tells me it's permanent. He says she's abandoning everything, which pisses me off to absolutely no end. And then, like the one month I remember he, I think it was the first month because we were just moving, and so it costs extra to move, right? Because you gotta pay all that extra stuff. And he asks for help, and you know, maybe I can get the child tax. Again, this is everything he's telling me. So, all of my anger, all of my hatred, all of the petty shit that I've said, it comes from every single thing that he's told me. So he tells me he asks her for the child tax for at least that month, and she tells him to get fucked. You've never helped me. I'm not gonna fucking help you. He he was, in fact, paying child support. I will give him that much. He was paying child support. I don't know what the fuck else he was paying. I don't know what the fuck else he was doing. I have no fucking idea. So she would come around from time to time to visit the kids, and then she'd take the animals for a walk. And I'm like, okay, if you're actually telling me this is permanent, then these are now my animals I need to take care of. And so they they need to realize that I'm their master, not her. Yeah, right. Like there's a certain level of whatever, but then his son throws a tantrum. It's we take the the dogs for a walk, I do it with my mom, blah, blah, blah. So then I feel bad. Like this poor fucking kid, like, fine, take the fucking animals, god damn it. Like, so now this um this leads me to like more mental distress. Like, I am not dealing with things. Boys, there's three boys and one girl. I am highly outnumbered. Um, I love when the girl's around, she is fantastic. And assuming the knowing the way that blip was, all I can do is applaud Mrs. Wright for the way that she raised these kids because they are great, they have problems just like everybody else's fucking kids. And if you think your kids don't have problems, I'm gonna need you to pull your head out of your ass because your kid's about to be a school shooter if you think your kid doesn't have a fucking problem. So obviously they've got problems here and there, but all in all, they were great kids, and I feel like I stuck around longer because of them because I didn't know what to do. He told me that she was abandoning them, and I absolutely don't think he's a fit parent. With or without alcohol and drugs, he is not a fit parent. That's my opinion from personal experience, Blip. Thank you. So now Blip and I um party with two

The chaos of relationships, drugs, and mental health struggles

Toby 21:42

couples, but separately. So the one set of couples we're gonna call the problem couple. I love these people, but every time we went there, something fucking happened, right? Whether he's pulling her in to whisper in her ear that she's got beautiful tits and he wants to see them, well, we're all there. Celebrating New Year's and everybody's kids are fucking around. Oh. Or whether it's him accusing me of trying to sleep with her husband because at one point he did something sketchy, got a phone call from a sketchy woman. I got pissed off. Five minutes prior to that, he was like, you need to be nicer to him. But I was never nice to him. I was never nice to this woman's husband. My job in life is not to be nice to any of your fucking husbands. I don't like you as a male species. There's about four men on this planet that I tolerate. Okay. So I'm like, fine, I'll be nicer. And then now, because of this phone call, he's accusing me of hitting on this man. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. Fuck you. Fuck this shit. At one point, I'm in my vehicle in the front seat crying. This is probably a different time, and I know for sure we didn't have kids with us. But I'm in the front seat crying. And the wife comes out and she sits there and she's talking to me. And he comes in the backseat and he's doing everything in his power to trigger me. Trigger, uh, trigger, trigger. She's telling him to shut up. I'm telling him he has no idea what he's doing right now, and he needs to back the fuck off. And he won't, and he's just yapping his gum. So I fucking pulled my whole body into that backseat pretty much. And I hauled off and whopped him right in the fucking nose. And I was like, Will you fucking shut up now, you piece of shit? Well, you start triggering that things are gonna happen. Consequently. Spoiler alert, he shut the fuck up.

Ray Ray 23:28

I don't think that was a spoiler alert.

Toby 23:30

But yeah. But then we started to hang out more with the other friends, the dealers. Now, they were great. I still stand by that they are great people and they helped to save my life. So shout out to them. I do not care what anybody is into, that doesn't define your character. They were good people, and I appreciated having them in my life for the time that I did, no matter what. So at this point, we've got his kids full-time, my kids 50% of the time. Um, money's tight. Um, he's he's running short on money, never having money for any of the bills or his part of the rent. And I am just, I'm the only one who cooks, I'm the only one who cleans. He stops caring about any of my anxiety, we're fighting. So now enter drugs for real. It wasn't just here or there. Because it wasn't just, hey, we're at a party, let's do a little bit. This was like me slowly microdosing myself every day with Molly to try and make myself happy because I wasn't happy, because I hated everything and I hated everyone, and I hated every moment with him, and I knew things were weird, and I knew there were lies and deceit, and I didn't know how to prove it. I didn't know where to get anything from. Um, so we're partying at the dealers, and now, like I said, I stick with Molly, and I stood by that for the entirety of this, but then getting sober and looking back, I'm like, yeah, I did Molly and I ate it. I still don't put things in my fucking nose. I think it's icky. So I ate it or I put it in my drink or on my drink just to slam it back. It'd make me feel drunker, and I'd be like, oh yeah, you know, I'm not fucking doing anybody else's drugs,

The overdose incident and hospital experience

Toby 25:31

stay in our own lane. Meanwhile, we're in a crack shack. They're smoking fucking meth or speed, or I don't even fucking know what they're smoking. The doors are shut, the windows are shut, just hotbox in the place. You're gonna tell me that that wasn't in my motherfucking system. That was a hundred percent in your system. Yeah, I just didn't directly do it, and I didn't think anything of it. So one night, amidst hotboxing and whatever we're doing, and Blip says, I'm gonna go get Buddy who just finished work. So I I'm to stay at the house with his wife, and he's gonna go pick him up essentially out of town. So he's driving. He's driving my vehicle about 30 minutes out of town and then coming back. High as a kite. High as a fucking kite. So I'm pissed. So I do more, and I do more. That's perfect. That's exactly how you do more. And I'm fine, and her and I are having a great time, and then he comes back, and uh, I had been sitting at the table the whole time because you know, we can smoke in the house, I didn't gotta go nowhere, right? I'm just living my best life. And um for the record, before anybody decides to be like, oh my god, I'm telling everybody. Lapdog knew this story before anybody else did, but good luck. Anyways, so he gets back, they're sitting there, I'm pissy with him, I stand up and I grab onto the table, and everybody looks at me, and apparently I turned gray and I collapsed and they didn't know what to do. I wasn't breathing. Um I don't think anybody did CPR, but they put they brought they carried me into the bathtub full of cold water and threw some ice in there. I was fully clothed. Um the wife put ice down my pants. I was unresponsive. I was not responding at this point. So all of them are like, so husband dealer says we need to take her to the hospital, and blip and wife dealer say we can't. She made us promise never because she'll lose her kids, because she's not supposed to be doing any of this, she's not supposed to be drinking or doing drugs or anything. And so Blip calls my boy Blue, and he goes, She's overdosing, man. I don't know what the fuck to do. What do I do? I have no idea what to do. And he goes, You take her to the fucking hospital right now. Yeah. And they're like, She said not to, she said not to. And he goes, Then we'll deal with her being mad at us alive. He goes, if you don't take her to the fucking hospital right now, I'm gonna drive down there, I'm gonna beat the fucking shit out of you. Good. Oi, blue, yeah. So they take me to the hospital. Um, I don't remember anything. All I remember is waking up on a stretcher by myself, covered in blood with a blood pressure cuff. I don't know if it was on or if it was sitting there and an IV in me. Probably on you. Yeah. So I have no idea what the fuck happens. I ask where blip is. They're like, he's outside on the phone with your mom. I got, I've never like rose like Jesus of Nazareth. I was horrified. So I fucking ripped over. I start to leave. They're following me out of the hospital. I was like, you can't legally keep me here. It doesn't matter. I fucking leave. I'm gone. That is it. Get in the vehicle. He's like, no, I'm on the phone with boy blue. And I was like, fuck. So I'm asking him what happened, I guess, when they brought me to the hospital. They put an IB in, and then one of the other nurses put a blood pressure cup on the same arm that the IB was in, and it burst my vein, and so there was blood everywhere, right? So I'm like waking up going, what the fuck? Oh my god, that's I have no idea what happened. So I we went home and I slept for a few days. I didn't have any kids or anything, so it was fine for me to just sleep it off. And I had just told my mom I wasn't feeling well. So now

The aftermath: mourning, reflection, and continued struggle

Toby 29:43

somewhere in here, my boy Blue calls me, and his old lady died, and I didn't know how to react. She drowned uh on a girl's trip, and I was so broken for him, and I wanted to go see him, but he couldn't see me yet. He's like, I can't because I'll break down and I can't break down yet. Um and it took me a couple days before I was like I stopped mourning his emotions and started to realize she was my friend. I lost my friend. Yeah, my friend is gone, and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Um so then I started to mourn that with more alcohol and more drugs, and sitting sitting at the at the river in the sun, and just reflecting on everything in this beautiful soul that was taken far too soon. So now we need to travel out of town for the funeral, and so we go there, and we're all I meet up with Boy Blue and all of his buddies at the shop, and it's me and Blip, and we're drinking, and then I roll out the drugs that I get from somebody else. It's not my usual source, it is from somebody else, but it's a trusted source, and I don't know, I haven't slept in a few days, I haven't really eaten, I haven't anything. Next thing you know, I fucking collapse. And they're performing CPR, they're trying to wake me up, they throw me in my vehicle, they're racing me downtown to get me to the hospital. Um, I'm in the back, I think they're doing CPR in there. I don't really know. Again, I have no idea what the fuck's going on. They're trying to race me to a hospital at some point they fucking sped through a camera. So I got a couple months later, a sheriff showed up to my door with a speeding ticket for like $400. And I was like, How am I gonna fucking say I wasn't the one driving? They were trying to drive me to the hospital, guys. I was really or I was overdosing. The fuck? How am I gonna explain that? So I just kind of bit the bullet on that one. But uh, I ended up waking up, so I didn't go to the hospital. They just brought me back to the house, and the next morning, my boy Blue was like, I'm not mad at you, but I'm disappointed. I was like, what a selfish thing to do. Like the next morning was the funeral. So we handled the funeral, stay there a couple days, come back home, whatever. Um, so now we're gonna roll into it's November, December ish 2025. And he had said, blip had said he has not done his taxes in a while, and he hasn't gotten all of this, and he wants to go for, I don't know if he talks about going for child tax. I literally have no idea if he does or not. Um, and I got no fucking idea. Anyway, so he says that he has an accountant, he's doing all of his taxes and stuff, and now he's about to get all this back pay for taxes and GST, and I don't know if child tax is in this or not. I cannot confirm nor deny if child I didn't help him with a single fucking link of documentation. I have no idea. But he says he's getting about $20,000 worth of back pay for all the years he didn't do it, and now he sent me fabricated screenshots of all the money he was getting. It was like, I think maybe he got four grand in total, if anything. And I don't even know if it was from that year or if it was a previous year, but he like copied it and kind of like moved it over and over and over. There's actually a point to this. So, yeah. So it made it look like he had 20k worth of back pain. I was like, this is great. We can pay off all these bills, we can do this, we can do this. And he goes, Well, maybe we can borrow a little bit of money from people just to get us settled for Christmas. You know, we have four kids and stuff, and and then when I get that money, we'll pay them back, and then uh we can pay off all our bills and stuff. And I said, That sounds great, right? And he's like, Yeah, message this person and tell them you're gonna pay them off, message this person. So I'm messaging people, letting them know, hey, you know, the light at the end of the tunnel, things are gonna be paid off, blah, blah, blah. Sounds great. So he sends, he lets his mom know about all this. So he got some money from her. I have no idea how much. I do not remember, or I don't know if I wasn't told. I don't fucking know. But I do know from my mother for Christmas presents for my kids and his, and for each other, uh, he got about $9,000. Shut your face. Yeah. So and in the Christmas gifts, okay. So for me, when you have a partner, Christmas is a competition. Because I want you to know that I am the best gift giver. Like the first year I got him a Miami FC messy jersey.

Ray Ray 34:55

Oh my goodness.

Toby 34:56

And this year I got him a signed Brock Besser jersey. That's disgusting. Stop it. So good. He gets me a I think it's Ben Moss. I think it was Ben Moss. It was a box, it was hanging on the tree. Everybody thought it was an engagement ring. My brain is going, please, for the love of God, don't be a fucking engagement ring. I do not want to marry you, but nobody knows at this point that I hate this man. Nobody knows. Nobody has any fucking idea that I hate this man. Except for you, Ray Ray. Yes, I remember that. You were the only one who fucking knew how much I hated this man.

Ray Ray 35:28

Yeah, we and and my Jojo.

Toby 35:31

Yes, and obviously JoJo. Yeah. So he gets me. I opened the gift, and it is a necklace, and it's beautiful, and it's um an infinity symbol. And he tells me it was like a few thousand dollars. Price does not matter. Nope, it's a sentimental. You do not win Christmas because whatever you got was more expensive. You win based on how well you know the person and how amazing the gift itself is. It could have been two dollars. Yep, you could have made it. So, whatever, but it was it was cute, it was beautiful, thank you. But no, he couldn't handle losing. So he tells me he got it custom made. And on one side of the infinity, there was 56 diamonds because that's how old my dad was when he died, and on the other side, there was 26 diamonds because that's how old I was when my dad died, which is beautiful. That is if and I said he won. And that gave him everything he wanted, right? He won. So that's that's wonderful. So now our mail in our city is on strike, nobody's getting fucking mail. So it's like January now, and see the postal, yeah. Yay! Good job, you guys. You're doing great. Um, so it's January now, still nothing. He hasn't heard anything. It says checks issued, it says he talked to them, you know, like whatever. So one night I finally get this gut feeling. I was like, I can't

The turning point: recognizing the need for change

Toby 37:01

do this anymore. And like it's like when after I went into the sideboard and tried to kill myself, it's like I lost my backbone, you know, because I just fawned, you know, I just let him just do all of this and just, you know, I don't really want to fight. And here it is, fine, you got it. So I was like, I don't fucking believe you about this money anymore. And I was like, it's different now because it's not just me. You've involved my family, you've involved my mother. What the fuck is going on? And he goes, I can't believe you, you dumb fucking bitch. And he sits down and he's like, I'm gonna show you right now. When I show you, I want you to get the fuck out of here. And I was like, Okay. And like his face kind of turned because I think he thought I was gonna be like, No, no, I'm sorry, you're right. I just need to be more patient. But I was like, no, fuck this, show me. So he kind of and he's like, it's scrolling on his phone, and he's like, nothing's really happening. I was like, fuck you, and I rip his phone out of his hands, and then he gets up and I said, put one hand on me, I fucking dare you. And he didn't, obviously. And he never did because he's a pussy. Yeah. And so I'm scrolling and I'm scrolling, and I was like, You lying fucking son of a bitch. You lying fucking son of a bitch. How am I supposed to? And I started to have a panic attack. Like, how am I supposed to tell people this? So I go into my V. I told him I was leaving. I was like, I'm done, I'm leaving. I'm headed out of town now, right at this very fucking moment. I've called my mom. I called my boy Blue. I let him know I was on my way to him. I was like, I can't fucking do this anymore. All this motherfucker does is lie. He said, Everything's been a lie from the get-go. I said, I fucking know it. So I'm in the car and I'm I'm talking to his mom now, and I'm like, you need to deal with your kid. He's fucking drunk as hell. Um, I'm sober at this point. Like, I I had a couple drinks, but not not even close to even having a fucking buzz, right? Like I was because I knew shit was about to pop off. I didn't want to be drunk. I needed to talk to him, whatever. So he's fucking licked. He needs to deal with his kids. His his brother and sister-in-law ended up coming to get them and chilling with them, whatever, took them to their house. But I'm on the phone with her. I am hyperventilating. I'm telling her, I remember the time that I owed you $1,100. And when I got my medical EI, he told me you said just keep it because we need it more than you do. And she's like, I never said that. And I was like, I'm so sorry I didn't reach out. I should have asked you. I really should have just stopped leaving him. And I said, I have a question. And she's like, Yeah. I said, When we got together, he told me he was getting divorced. He said he lived in the basement suite of the house. And then, like, shortly after that, through work, I was booking him hotel rooms because he couldn't be in the house anymore, right? Like, so the story was like slowly starting to check out that he really wasn't with her. So that's when him and I started to see each other. And she goes, No, they were together, they were sleeping in bed together. I lived in the basement suite, which I had no fucking idea. So everything he told me from the very beginning, I was the other woman. I was 100% the fucking mistress. I had no idea. She's like, they were together. Yeah, she was not always the nicest person, but they were together, and then all of a sudden you were in the picture and they weren't together anymore, and he had to help me move. And I was like, he told me you you moved from a house you owned out here to a house out of town. But he never said you lived in his basement suite. He said he lived in the basement suite, she lived up top, she was cheating on him, she was cheating on him with somebody's brother. He would come to the house and pick her up and and they would go and and it was hurting him. And when he was telling me these stories, he would even cry when he was telling me these stories, right? So like I really believed him. Wow. So he tells me that he's ready to leave now. Like a couple nights that we'd hung up, and he would he would message me from fucking dusk till dawn and back. Like, how am I to believe that he's actually married if he's able to message me that much, you know? Um, and then he would send me pictures from being in his home in the basement suite, and the dog would visit in the basement suite, and his kids would visit, and they were making jokes of you smell like a girl, and you have kind of you kind of have glitter on you, and you look so happy, dad. We're so happy for you. I was like, first of all, I don't wear glitter, I don't know where the fuck you're getting that from, but okay, maybe there was glitter in my hairspray. I don't know what to tell you. But I fully thought, like, he had this whole story. So, not knowing why this bitch hates me when you're the one who's fucking cheating on him, you stupid, dirty whore, right? Like, I'm fucking pissed at her. Like, how dare you? You have shit to say about me. Then his mother fucking ratted him out for everything. Wow, and I just sat there. And so that's a whole other con. I yeah, that's why it's a long con. Oh my gosh. So I drove out of town, saw my boy Blue. The drive takes three hours, took me eight. Took me eight hours. My anxiety attacks were horrid. I threw up on myself in the car at one point, but it was all it was all like liquid, yeah, right? There was nothing else in there, but I was just driving, just driving, just fall in a plow. Like, oh my god, finally make it there. But I don't make it to his actual house. I made it to like a gas station. I parked and I was like, pick me up here. So he picks me up there and he's like, Oh my god, you look terrible. Drives me to his house, and I just slept. Slept, slept, slept in the morning. Like, blip messages me, calling me, get your ass home, blah, blah, blah. I get home, he's being a cunt, whatever. And I'm like, here's what your mom fucking told me. And he's like, She's lying, she was confused, she has no idea what's going on. But I at this point, I'm done. You turned me into everything I fucking hated, every single thing I fucking hated, and I hated this woman for no fucking reason. For no reason. You had every right to fucking hate me, every fucking right on like in the whole world to fucking hate me. What a piece of fucking scum. I was so wrapped up in my life's drama and my addiction and my recovery and then my relapse and and then trying to figure out life with my kids. And I never fully looked into anything, and I take full fucking responsibility for that. For that, I am a fucking piece of shit. You deserve so much better. Your hench woman can still suck my dick because, on one hand, what are you fucking doing? Stop harassing me. Even now, your comments and questions, hold on to your knickers. I'm getting there and taking responsibility for everything. I don't need you in there being a keyboard warrior because that's all you ever been was a keyboard warrior. I also don't really understand the concept or idea of a loyal sister. So maybe that's where. Things are different because my sister would never have my back the way that you're having hers. So, in that aspect, I guess it is what it is. But to Mrs. Wright, you don't owe me a goddamn thing. I am absolutely the bad guy in your story. And I accept that. And I am so fucking sorry. I must say though, I'm happy you're not with him because you deserve so much better, and your children deserve so much better. And I hate that I have to be the monster. And I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. But I really had no idea. And that still doesn't make it okay. So now we're gonna skip to February of 2025. Um, there was an incident in the bathroom with myself going through some medical issues, and Blip walks in and I am covered in blood, like a scene from fucking Carrie. Anyway, so I'm sent to emergency surgery. I had to go get an emergency hysterectomy because things were not good, and I was in the most amount of pain that I have ever been in in my entire fucking life. So I went like a week without drugs or alcohol because I was scared of being put under just in case, right? He did not go anytime without it. He was like using me as fucking DD, right? Like, yes, so go, go, go. So now during my surgery, from what I know from my mother, is Blip was nervous and he was scared and he was just hoping I was gonna wake up okay, blah, blah, blah. I wake up just fine. And so he is now in the hospital visiting me. It's been 20 minutes, and he is messaging the dealers to go party with them while I'm in the hospital.

Ray Ray 45:45

It's classy again.

Toby 45:46

Yeah, so class. Yeah, absolutely fucking class. So he didn't help me recover. He lied about taking a week off to help me recover. He didn't help around the house, he didn't do anything, and I overdid it. I ended up blowing a stitch, I ended up bleeding a lot, I ended up having to go back to the hospital. Like my recovery took so much longer because I did not take care of myself. And then not too long after that, I started drinking and drugging again because I was like, I can't do this. Like, this is fucking horrible. And the drugs I was taking, I think were better than prescription drugs. Well, of course. Because fuck that. Fuck these prescription drugs, they're addictive. Don't even I don't I don't understand where my brain was either. Okay. That's the stupid part of her brain. Yes, yeah. Absolutely, you're welcome to stupid at that moment. Yep. So now life is not great, and I'm continuously telling you how much I hate him and don't want to be with him and anything, but I don't know what to do. I have nowhere to go. I have no money. I'm in debt now. I'm over $20,000 in debt, which doesn't seem like a lot, but it's a lot in two years when I had family recently sell a house, give me money. So every single one of my debts were paid off. Wow. So I find out that the lap dog and the phantom mother are fighting. And he's at his dad's house. So I message

The journey towards sobriety and rebuilding life

Toby 47:21

dad and I say, Hey, I need to talk. Dad says, You bet. He calls, puts me on speaker, and I start talking about how I need to get out of this relationship. It is not good. It is not okay. I am not okay. I need out. I said, but I'm gonna have to move back in with my mom, and I don't want to lose the kids. She only has one room. One of the kids can sleep with me, or they can both have the bed and I'll sleep on the couch. One will sleep on the couch, like however, it's gonna work, just for a little bit, just until I get my life in order. And he says, I I promise I'm never gonna take the kids away from you ever again. And he says, It's okay. So I said, Okay. So I sat on this for two days, and then I got home from work and I had bought a case of beers, a 15-pack, and I had one, and then I don't even think I finished it, and I left it on the like the nightstand, and then I fell asleep and had a nap. When I woke up, an hour later, not even like just under an hour of a nap, the whole case was empty. Um, and he was hammered. Oh my god, and I was mad, but trying to stay calm, I'm trying to talk to him and trying to tell him how I feel about certain things, and he goes, Do you even want to be with me anymore? And without fucking hesitation, I said, No.

Ray Ray 48:44

Yes.

Toby 48:46

And that's how we're gonna end this story.

Ray Ray 48:48

I like it. Yeah, that's a good that's a good uh start to the next episode. Yes, I think so. So juicy. Thanks for listening, guys. Well, on that note, the deeper we go, the darker the con gets. So we just want to say thank you for listening. Bye! Bye.