The Long Con - Recovery

Toby reflects on a moment that changed everything for her. "I said I didn't want to be with him, and by the end of the night... I was ready to move out." This decision marked the beginning of a tumultuous period, filled with emotional upheaval and uncertainty. 

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Intro 0:01

Two girls. One mic.

Ray Ray 0:15

The long con recovery. Welcome back to Two Girls One Mike. I'm Ray Ray, and today we're stepping into a different part of Toby's story. Recovery. But don't mistake recovery for the end of the long con. The chaos is far from over. This is just one small part of Toby trying to pick herself back up while everything around her is still unfolding. Recovery wasn't a straight line, it wasn't pretty, and it certainly didn't mean the story was finished. In fact, some of the hardest parts were still to come. So Toby, take us back to where this part of your recovery began.

Toby 0:54

Hi friends, this is Toby, and this is my story. So we left off in March of 2025 when I had told Blip that I didn't want to be with him anymore. And what happens next seems to have happened so fast. Like I said I didn't want to be with him, and by the end of the night and next day, I was telling everybody that I had told him. Like I was done and I was ready to move out. And I was warning my mom that I'm coming home, right? And uh so I asked her to grab me an eight-pack. I said, just an eight-pack of Bud Light. Like I'm not asking for a bottle of tequila. I was like, I'm gonna drink this and I'm gonna go to AA after tonight. So she said no, which pissed me off. But then I called Judas actually, and I asked her to bring me an eight-pack, so she did. And um so I drank them, but I didn't stop there. I ended up going to my aunt and uncle's, and then I had some drinks there, and then I ended up meeting up with Blip, who was at a friend's house, and I knew they were gonna be up to no good there. Um, but I went there, we ended up getting into an argument, I took off, um, went back to the house, passed out, woke up the next day, started to move my things, went to my mom's, and then on March 20th, 2025, I walked back into AA. And everything has kind of been really different since. It was the best decision I ever made. I was horrified, I was embarrassed because I knew these people knew who I was because I was there once upon a time, but I left.

Ray Ray 3:09

Yeah.

Toby 3:10

Um, and I remember the first two faces I saw, I remembered from AA before, and they welcomed me with open arms, they cried, and now one of those people is my sponsor, and she is a beautiful woman.

Ray Ray 3:26

That's so cool.

Toby 3:27

I am so blessed to have ever met her. It's it's absolutely wonderful. So I start my journey with AA, or at least I try to, because that entire evening I was being called and text-bombed, and like Blip was trying to get a hold of me, and and he was out doing his thing, and just you know, obviously like hammered, and I and I felt horrible and I didn't know what to do, but I never answered the phone, and I stayed in the meeting. I didn't talk to him until uh the next day, and he just said he kind of wanted to just work on things, but maybe from apart. And I thought that's what we were doing, but things were back and forth, and it and it was really weird, and I felt bipolar as all hell, like all the emotions that were coming out of me, and the fact that I was like detoxing and I'm not sleeping, and I have the sweats, and the dreams are intense, and everything was just wild. So I don't really know. I feel like it was on again, off, get on again, off again. Long story short, because again, I'm not here to tell anybody else's stories, and this is one in particular I don't want to get into for the sake of anonymity. He has moved on and is with somebody else. Godspeed, you're her fucking problem now.

Ray Ray 4:56

Bye.

Toby 4:58

So that is what it is, but um, I was broken at the time because I feel like that was the last thing my addiction was holding on to was that relationship, and then once it was let go, it hurt, and I was scared. I was really scared now. This is all I have. I'm living at my mom's, I've got my two kids, I need to figure life out. So um a few days after that, actually, which is wild because I didn't publicize it. Um Mr. Clean messaged me out of the blue to talk about that threesome I had proposed. Oh my god. Like, I can't stop thinking about it, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, bro, you're in a relationship. And he was like, you know, I want you to know I never cheated on you. That's a lie. Yes, you did.

Ray Ray 5:52

It is a lie.

Toby 5:54

It is absolutely live. He's like, I never cheated on you, and I cared about you, and I'm really sorry I chose my family over the woman I loved. I was like, Yeah, it sucked for me, but now it sucks for you. Whatever, like, goodbye. Um, and he did end up saying some inappropriate things, and I didn't say anything bad, but I allowed it, you know, because I was like, fuck you, you made me feel like shit. Like, I cry over you. Um, but whatever, that was it. What was done was done.

Ray Ray 6:27

And so move on from I think you cried more about the dick than you did about the actual relationship.

Toby 6:33

100% like can I attach that to a different man?

Ray Ray 6:37

Yeah, exactly. Like, for real.

Toby 6:40

This needs to be an option in life, okay? Like build, like build a bear for a man.

Ray Ray 6:46

Yeah, they do have those, I think, in China.

Toby 6:49

Okay, well, when are we going there? Um, anyways, so uh not talking to any man, not talking to Mr. Clean, not talking to Blip, trying to figure everything out. My peace bond with the lab dog is just about over. And I keep making jokes about it, right? Because we hadn't been able to talk, and I was like, but this time I am absolutely immediately not co-parenting through the Phantom Mother. I am not doing it. I don't care what kind of toxicity she's got going on in her brain. These are my children and these are his children. She was not there for the both of those minute and a half sessions.

Ray Ray 7:29

Okay.

Toby 7:36

Not your children, not your circus, not your monkeys. Go be a clown somewhere else. So I kept joking around telling everybody, I'm just gonna text them right away and be like, surprise, shawty. Just out of pure excitement. And it was even better because the peace bond was up on his birthday.

Ray Ray 8:00

Stop.

Toby 8:01

Yeah. So I was like, happy birthday.

Ray Ray 8:03

Happy birthday! Hello, Pikao!

Toby 8:07

So I had seen him at ball like a couple days prior to this. Our fields were directly across from each other, and we walked out of the dugouts at the same time, and I just like push my glasses up with my middle finger while staring directly at him. And then I just turn around to talk to the people I was talking to. So, like I was giving him signs, and he like heard rumors that I was gonna reach out, right? Like, he thought for sure. I guarantee you in his brain, he thought, she can't wait to talk to me. Oh, yeah.

Ray Ray 8:38

So little lap dogs, settle down.

Toby 8:40

Right? So April 17th rolls by, and I'm like, it's over, it's all over. Like, this is beautiful. I'm sober, I'm out of every toxic relationship, my peace bond is up, like I can breathe. I just have this massive sigh of relief. And I did not text him. Until oh, yes, so I was at AA, so from somewhere between 7 p.m. and 8 p.m. Because I at just after eight, I opened my phone and I saw that I had a missed FaceTime from Mr. Lapdog.

Ray Ray 9:32

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Toby 9:34

Yeah, and so it's literally like I'm staring at the text message right now. I've screenshot it so that I can tell you. Yeah. Uh April 17th, 2025, at 817 p.m. I said, Sup. Why are you trying to FaceTime me, you fucking weirdo? And then dot dot dot. And then he goes, question mark, and I said, It's Toby. Mom said, You're trying to get a hold of me. Because in there, my mom had messaged me and said he's trying to get a hold of you. And I was like, Well, he's not blocked, right? Yeah, so he goes, Yes, sorry, about the boys. And I said, It's fine. LOL, what's up? Are they okay? And he said, Of course, just about kid number one's ball, but I figured it out. And I'm like, Oh, okay. And I said, Okay, now that you have my number, don't text mom questions. She annoys the fuck out of me, and I was at AA. And mom knew I was, and I told her that too. I was like, bro, I'm fucking busy. I am focusing. So now in here, which I do have the screenshots for all of this, by the way. I have from the very first message all the way to today and ongoing, I have not deleted one receipt. Okay, and you can clear as day read in here that I didn't brainwash anybody. So later in that conversation, just shortly after that, um, he makes a comment about what are you wearing? And I just kind of laugh it off. Again, I had to scroll for like so long just to find that first message. So when I finally found it and the date, I screenshot it and got out of there because I was like, uh, this is hurting my brain.

Ray Ray 11:32

Yeah.

Toby 11:33

So whatever. But I do have all of them. So if ever anybody wants to see them in person because they think I'm lying, evidence. I got a printer and a lot of ink. Okay, like we'll get it all done. So he asks me, What are you wearing? And I kind of just like laughed it off and said, Oh my god, you must be drunk. Like, what are you, whatever, blah blah blah. And then he said something about you used to be fun. I said, Yeah, well, now I'm old and tired and sober, whatever. And uh, I was like, No, I think it was the next day. The next day I had because I just I just stopped messaging him. I just like ghost him. The next day I said, Listen, if we need to speak, I think it's proper that we just keep it about the kids. And he said, Yes, I agree. And I was like, Yeah, we've tried this one too many times, and it's absolutely not gonna work, right? Yeah, so that text was bullshit.

Ray Ray 12:28

Of course that was. That was just your thought at that moment.

Toby 12:32

Like, I am newly single, and I am going through one of the hardest things I've ever gone through, and this is probably one thing that him and I can relate to each other on, you know what I mean? Like it's something he feels deeply about, and so he connected us that way, I guess, is what you're gonna say. And then he's texting me continuously all the time, and yes, he's still with the Phantom Mother. And no, I do not want to ever be a homewrecker or make anybody feel the way that these people have made me feel, but for you, honey, there is a special place in my fucking heart for you. So just know I always get my lick back. So, anyways, so messages and messages and messages, and then all of a sudden he starts sending me pictures of me and the boys from when him and I were together way back in the day, and he's like, These have been on my phone the whole time. He's like, I have these on my phone, and I was like, How the hell did she not make you delete them? Because I know she goes on your phone, and I don't remember if he if he said they were hidden, or I don't remember if he said, I don't know, I guess she didn't look, and like I'd have to go back and look, but either way, they were on his phone. So I'm like, all right, that's cool, because it's easy to crop somebody out of a photo, like it's not like I was cheek to cheek with these babies, right? Yeah, so then it turns into him bringing me flowers on Mother's Day, and him coming over and getting DoorDash for me and the kids, and then him coming over for early morning, how you doings and late night caps, right? Like, I just it is what it is. Sorry, but I unfortunately tried to put the poop back in my butt, and that's a shout out to a whistleblower for telling me we don't put poop back in our butt.

Ray Ray 14:46

Nobody likes that.

Toby 14:48

No, but if you haven't heard the previous podcast, like your girl doesn't make good choices. So next thing you know, he's telling me about like how terrible life has been, and he and how terrible this is, and how terrible dad is, and she doesn't cook like I cook, and she doesn't clean like I clean, and you know, like he's just he's miserable and he hates her and she's crazy, and I have to give her my location, and I can't have female friends, and I had to block the whistleblower when I was at home, like everything he starts telling me everything. So I know that the Phantom Mother thinks that the whistleblower told me everything, but there are so many things the whistleblower told me, and I went, I already knew. Yeah, because he told me everything, of course he did, yes, and so somewhere in here they end up breaking up, and I don't fully know why, but he broke up, he was sick and tired, he lost it on her, like it just worst time ever, and he up and moves, he packs his shit. Um, I had just moved to a new place, by the way. In here, I moved, I got my own place, friggyes, so excited! Love you, mom, but we're out. We got a cute two-bedroom, we're on the hill, like it's it's a nice area, it's great. So, in said new place, it's important. He ends up packing his stuff, moves to his dad's, brings all of his stuff there. Um, but his dad's in a different city, about 45 minutes away-ish, give or take, depending. And his work is like 15 minutes from that, but his sons are 30 minutes from work, 45 minutes from where his dad lives. So, and with just because I think there still was a bit of school, and then school ended. Okay, so but he had to work and stuff, and it's not always easy to just leave the boys with his dad, and then him missing the boys and stuff, so he starts having sleepovers, and he starts coming over for dinner, and he starts being there in the morning and showering there and just staying with us, and then he took um baby number one out. I don't remember what they were grabbing, um, but I was at home making dinner and I get a call that says, Hey, don't start cooking yet. And then he comes back and he had bought me um the pots and pans that I wanted, right? So he's like love bombing me at this point.

Ray Ray 17:45

Oh my goodness.

Toby 17:46

And I'm just like, oh, like this is it's so much. And the part of me as a mother that never wanted to give my kids a broken home is like this, maybe this is it, right? Like this is this is okay, even though there's still a siren in the back of my head going, bitch, what are you fucking doing? Yeah, you know, like she's just like screaming back there, but everything else is like, look at how happy these kids are. We're not fighting even a little bit. Yeah, we we planned the baby's birthday party together. Everything. Yeah, he's told me everything, he showed me his sperm test results because after the phantom mother said she had her stillborn, he finally was convinced by the whistleblower to go get his sperm tested because again, he had a vasectomy when he was with me. Yep, so he had the results, and I think that was what was the demise of the relationship. I think that's why it was such a big deal because he got the test done and it says no sperm seen, and that test was in September of 2024.

Ray Ray 19:03

Yeah, the Phantom Mother doesn't have a magical vagina and eggs, so that's weird.

Toby 19:11

So that that was not his, and I'm like, and then you're making my kids mourn the the death of a sister, but that wasn't their sister, yeah, and they're so young to put that on them, and you're telling not just my kids, your kids. You did that to your five kids. Yeah, you told all of these people, you did it to my kids' sister, you you did it to everybody. Like, what is wrong with you? Everybody thought that this baby was a miracle creation, and you were just out there being a fucking harlot. Yeah, so not his baby. I still have a copy of the sperm test. Again, I come with all the fucking receipts. Yep. Um, so we plan the baby's birthday party. The baby is, of course, that's the one who was born on July 10th, but his due date was July 8th. Hold that thought.

Ray Ray 20:19

July 8th.

Toby 20:21

July 8th was his due date. He was born July 10th. So we went to the water park. Um, and at this time the laugh dog's kind of like starting to pull away from me, and I just I just knew what was happening. Um, and then after the birthday party, it was basically like a total ghost situation, and the next thing I knew, they were back together.

Ray Ray 20:41

Of course.

Toby 20:43

Yeah. So I mean, I didn't handle that very well. Um, and he told her that we had slept together. I don't obviously think that he told her everything, but uh, he did tell her that uh we had slept together and she wasn't happy about it, and then he told me, you know, I told her, and and I was like, You're such a piece of shit, like everything that I'm going through right now. And he's like, I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And I was like, You're not fucking sorry, man. It's just like it's a repeated process with you. I'm just stupid enough to continuously fall for it, you know?

Ray Ray 21:15

Yeah.

Toby 21:16

So I'm still sober, I'm still trucking through, you know, like at this time, it was just whew. I had uh two relationship attempts in there. Um, both failed, and I left them both, and that's all the credit they're gonna get in this podcast. Um, so next thing you know, I had okay, people don't think I'm crazy. I have dreams, and so many of my dreams have absolutely come to life. It is something that has happened in my life. I've either caught somebody doing something, or I saw my niece at four months old before she was born. Like, totally fucked. I'm probably a witch. It's great. Thank God this isn't Salem. Um I had a dream that she, the phantom mother, was pregnant, and the lap dog had come to my house and he was in this dream, was leaning on the counter crying, saying she's pregnant again, knowing full well he had that sperm test, right? Yeah, and in my dream I said to him, How many lessons do you want to learn? So forward to a few months later, we find out she's pregnant, and it's a boy, and it's due July 8th.

Ray Ray 22:48

What? Yes, I know that's weird.

Toby 22:53

I know, like, where would she find that number from?

Ray Ray 22:56

It's an odd number to be exact.

Toby 22:59

Yeah, it uh it really uh plays for you, hey, like it makes you go, hmm. It's one of those things that makes you go, hmm.

Ray Ray 23:10

It's like that song.

Toby 23:14

Yes, just like that song. So that's the beginning of my recovery. Now I stayed um recovered. I want everybody to know that because I've had a few questions, but it's important that even by the end of this story, I will still be sober.

Ray Ray 23:36

Yep.

Toby 23:37

Until the day I die, I will still be sober. I am just over 17 months sober. Woo! The best I've ever felt, and it is great. And I'm sure a lot of people are gonna message message us uh pissed off because this is unfortunately where we are cutting the episode. But we have to because what happens next needs to be told together.

Toby and Ray Ray 24:03

Perfect. Well, this recovery is amazing. Thank you. And I'm so proud of you as a person, and to go through this as m as much drama has come to light during the recovery. I'm sure people who are in recovery are thinking, what you know, that would make me turn around and go, yeah, let's take let's get a six-pack, you know. So so it makes me I don't even drink, and it makes me think I I think I want a bottle of wine, you know? But but no, but uh this was recovery, but it wasn't freedom yet.