The Farmer and the Blonde
Stephanie and Chris have been married 35 years, they own a wedding venue and Arbnb in Kentucky. Want to share how they have been happily married for 35 years with the hopes of helping others to find that happiness and longevity.
The Farmer and the Blonde
How to fix broken trust
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Hello, hello. Happy Sunday to our amazing viewers. This is the Farmer and the Blood. And we're super excited to be here with you today on a Sunday. Happy, happy, happy Sunday. That's why we do these on the Sunday because you have to go into your work week and we want to give you a little nuggets, a little boop, boop, boop to help you get through the rest of your work week. We have had so many people from other countries download the Farmer and the Blog. So we want to thank all you Brazilian people out there. Woohoo!
SPEAKER_01Yes. Spain, Brazil, uh, Tokyo, Canada, not really foreign, but Canada, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I know, it's pretty amazing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So we left you guys with a couple things that we need to follow up with this week. But first of all, we want to thank you all for listening and being a part of this. And remember, please send us any questions or any of your wonderful experiences that you've had, because I've heard a lot this week from what I did that I can't wait to share with you. But we had told you that we had a what? A follow-up. What is it, honey?
SPEAKER_01It was a um uh inside joke that we had, and neither one of us came up with one. And then I told you on the way out after word that I had one, but I didn't want you to get mad at me. So so mama, uh, those of you who know my wife, she's beautiful and gorgeous, whatever, but whenever sometimes she gets a little big for her britches, I remind her there was a guy she dated, I think before me, but that I knew, and so I just say his name, and uh it puts her back in her place. I won't say his kidney. Yeah, don't say that. I won't say his name, but it's just funny. He was he was a definite goober and uh not her best choice.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. But that's so funny because he that was so inside joke, I couldn't think of one, but you want, y'all, he had one. He just wanted to make sure that if he he would check it with me first, that I wouldn't be upset. I was so sick.
SPEAKER_01I didn't want to get in trouble.
SPEAKER_00Well, no, but you also wanted to be sensitive to me, and that was really nice. But then when he said it, I'm like, that's exactly it. Please say it. That's hilarious. Oh my gosh. So this week, so many things we went through, but this one's gonna be about trust and about what happens if you get in fights, because we get in fights, right, Dad?
SPEAKER_01Never.
SPEAKER_00We get in arguments, right? Never, we get in just don't we get upset, we get in fights, we disagree, we don't always see things on the same page, right?
SPEAKER_01Yes, we do.
SPEAKER_00But what's amazing is that we're able to build a company and build a life around, even though those things happen. So those things are gonna happen in your marriage and they're probably happening today, but maybe, just maybe, we'll tell you little stories that helped us, and maybe it'll help you. Because I always think when we're in the middle of a heated dis a trust thing, and trust is everything in a marriage, there's there's a couple things I think you can do to overcome it that we've used and that have helped us because trust is everything to everybody. But before we go into that, oh my gosh. So Chris said something super romantic and amazing that really made my heart strong. Um, I had to go away for like four days, and that's a lot, and I had to do a bunch of stuff and be around a bunch of people. So, you know, when you have to be around a bunch of people for work, you always have to kind of be on, you always gotta be your very best self, and you're exhausted. And I didn't know how tired I was until I got into the plane. And you know, you have your people who get you, and that's wonderful, and that's your family, or maybe it's somebody else for you. But when you have, like I said, you have to be gone the whole time, it's exhausting. Um, so I get up, I get on the plane, I can't wait to come home to see my beautiful husband who I know gets me and supports me, and and the thing that he did that was so great is I get off the plane, and he always is waiting on the other side and the Nashville airport, but he always has flowers with him for him, a bunch of flowers. Well, I always get embarrassed because everybody looks at you because you have a bunch of flowers, right, honey?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they always smile at me while I'm standing there waiting, and they always say, Oh, are those for me? Are those for me? And I'm no, no, they're not for you.
SPEAKER_00I know. I'm always like, Oh, Lord. So I don't want him to get me flowers. I'm like, please don't give me flowers, get embarrassed. So this time, the one time that I absolutely told him not to get him, he didn't get him for me, but that was okay. Because it was such a heavy work four days that I literally did something I have never done when I've got off the plane to run to him, is I actually ran and gave one of those movie star big hugs because I needed all of his strength and his energy that he gives me. And the thing that he did, and you know, for someone who goes on trips with her husband, he he takes everything, like he'll take my suitcase. He doesn't have to, he wants to, and happen to she's a travel prince.
SPEAKER_01Okay, you're not wrong.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for that.
SPEAKER_01So I plan everything, and she just goes and shows up, and I get to flight and the Uber and the tickets and the blah blah blah and everything, and then she just is along for the ride, which is how I want it, so that's not a that's so nice. It's true.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's how I like it. That's how I like it. Let me tell you that right now. So I gave the plan, I run to him like a movie, like it was a movie because I missed him and I needed his strength. And he what he did after, you know, because I had to take on my lung, which I know that's nothing, but uh having someone who logs the luggage and da-da-da, and had to go in the airport and all that stuff, and it's heavy, he takes it right on my hand within with with a s within a second. I mean, drum jumping into his arms, he takes that suitcase and he's like, I got it. And all the weight of everything that happened to me through those four days just fell off to the side because my buddy, my best friend of 35 years, was there to pick me up and say, I got it, let's go. And that to me was the most romantic thing. So I want you the thing that he did all week, other than he did send me cars every day in my suitcase, which was so tell him how you did it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I just bought them ahead of time and I mark them by the day, and I and I snuck them into your bag with some uh Sour Patch Kids.
SPEAKER_00These are my favorites.
SPEAKER_01And uh what I texted you at the airport and said, Hey, look in your bag, and you found them in there, and you were so excited. And before we go off of this, I she did say, Where are my how come you didn't get me flowers? So, just so you know, that was part of the the welcome back. I did say that. So she said not to get flowers, and I didn't feel super great on the way to the airport, so I didn't run. I really didn't want to fight getting flowers, but she will have flat flowers from now on, whether she says to get them or not.
SPEAKER_00And for some reason my heart was so heavy from the four days of working, you know. Because you know, when you go on a workship, you don't really get any time off, so it's 24-7. And seeing him, I just it was that was just everything. And I've never ran down like that at the airport because I don't want to get embarrassed, but I just couldn't wait to have you pick me up and say everything's gonna be alright. So and it was, and um, I appreciate that. It meant everything to me. Just everything to me, just everything to me. Oh, I couldn't wait to be home. And when he gave me those cards this week, it was like because it was such a heavy y'all know when you have that heavy work week, and yeah, he gave me those cards, and I would and then one day I did I got sick, I got sick, y'all, when I was on my trip. I never do that, and still worked, and he I didn't eat all day, so all that was those gummy bears, and that really helped me. So thank you. So we've y'all been married. Here's the things I think help when you get in these kind of things that you do now help when you get in your disagreements. What do you think, Chris?
SPEAKER_01Well, sure, you gotta build up some equity in there so then when things happen that you can what what was this? Somebody was saying they that uh it was a c a comedian or whatever, and he said his wife, when she looks at their marriage, she thinks of the best things that he's done, not the worst things. And there's more best things as long as there's as long as there's more best things than worst things. I love that. But he that they they've been married a long time because they he they she focuses on the best things he's done rather than the worst things that he's done.
SPEAKER_00That is fantastic. So today we're gonna share uh just a little bit. We won't go into detail, but we had one little bump, one big bump, and we lots of bumps in your marriage, right? And I say I like to look at it, let me give you the landscape. I don't even think of it like um I like to paint a picture, like you're going up a hill together, and one of you uh made the hill a little bigger than it needed to be, and in that moment you have an opportunity to trust that person that they're gonna fix it, and together you're gonna hold hands and you're gonna climb that hill together because you gotta hold hands. Sometimes you don't want to because they gotta help you with the trust, and trust is a big thing. So there's one thing my husband did that that was absolutely fantastic, is we had a trust issue, and something came up in our marriage, and we needed to repair it and to go forward, and how he chose to repair it was he would say this mantra to me every single day for two years, right?
SPEAKER_01A long time, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and it was one that words have power because words can build up a relationship, and words can tear down a relationship, and so many times in a marriage we use those words to tear each other down, and we don't use them to bring each other up, right?
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, yeah. I mean, you can you can get petty and use words to hurt, but that's not the best way. You always gotta try to use them to to uh build up. And I would say the mantra basically the first thing conversation we would have in the morning to kind of set the tone for the day and let you know where my head was and then let me know where my head should be.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so like if you have a disagreement, I've heard a lot of stories lately about couples who have a huge trust issues, they don't want to get divorced, they want to stay together. The other person is weaker in an area and needs to show the spouse or the significant other they're willing to say, okay, I see that this is an area in our relationship I need to fix. And we've had that same thing in our marriage too. And what can we do to fix it? And one thing is to do the things that you're going to say, right? If you are the one that built the bridge, the one burnt the bridge, the woman or the husband or whatever, whoever in the relationship did the untrusting. So let's think that you had the trust and it was good, and you're going up that hill together, and all of a sudden the trust was broken, and the person who broke it is the one making the hill bigger and throwing the stones down to make you crumble and not be able to get up. He needs, he or she needs to be the person that fixed those boulders coming at you, hold your hands and figure out a way to keep going up the big hill. What do you think?
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So when we had the trust issues, all three, you know, 35 years you're gonna have trust issues. We know let's all believe it. He came up with a mantra, and I have shared this with other women. I said, listen, Chris came up with this mantra because the words are what hurt my feelings, and the words are what gonna make me feel better. And it was just about um you want to say what your mantra was?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, when you brought this up, I thought, oh, that's pressure. I gotta make sure I know what it is. I mean, because he doesn't have to say anymore.
SPEAKER_00Because here's what's crazy, guys, is when I married Chris, I had huge trust issues. And I told him, I love you and I'm gonna be your wife, but I'm never gonna 100% trust you because I don't hunt ever trust anybody except for myself and my ch my children now that we have them and my dogs. But I won't ever 100% trust you because you know, in my past men have been terri had had been very great, and so I just would safeguard myself. And most people do that because they think, oh, I gotta keep myself safe. And I don't, I'm not saying that's a wrong thing to do, but in these 35 years at this point in our marriage, thank God, I'm able to trust Chris 100%. And it is because, and that's a big deal for me, y'all, to trust anybody 100%, you know what I'm saying? Like, if you're gonna tell me you're gonna do it, I'm gonna believe that you're gonna do it. I remember when we first got married, Chris said to me, I'm gonna do everything I can that someday that you're gonna be able to say I trust you. And it meant a lot to him. I mean, he could have been like, Okay, that's just how you're built. You don't you know, trust I right? You could have said that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I could have.
SPEAKER_00But why do you want her to challenge you? Why do you think it challenged you to be like, I want her to trust me?
SPEAKER_01Well, because that's what you want out of a relationship, and I trusted you and trust you completely, and so I I knew it would take time with the history that you had. So, but that was the ultimate goal. That shows the the pure sign of the relationship being successful.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So Chris had made this made this mantra, and so we knew we had to go up a hill together, but instead of having the boulders built by whoever caused the problem to knock them down, he decided that he was gonna knock those boulders down and walk up that hill with me together and be the one that fixes it. He or she, if I had done the problem, but this was a real big one that he really uh and I it was a big trust for me, and we had two options either was gonna trust him or I was gonna give up. And that's where we were, and that's just the truth. And we're not afraid to tell y'all this because we want y'all to know that every marriage isn't perfect. But if you guys are willing to, if the person is willing to really turn from what they said they did and do better, it can be beautiful, right?
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so what was your mantra?
SPEAKER_01It was uh today I commit my eyes to you, my heart to you, and my love to you. And I want you to be confident in the love that I have for you, whether we're together or apart, and I promise I will honor you at all times in all areas of my life.
SPEAKER_00Um Yeah, that was it. Today and every day, yeah. Something like that. So he would literally say it to me on the phone, call me. And some of you might think, oh no, because he's hearing himself say that, and then he's convicted to make sure he follows through. You know what I mean, y'all. And that he did it for two years, and now I he is not only has he just he didn't just say the words, he lived the words. And for either one of you who ever had a trust issue, you know you have to do what you say, say what you mean, and really put it an action to it, right? So was it hard for you? So what made you come up with that mantra?
SPEAKER_01Um I wanted it to be a reminder for you that the commitment that I was making was real and it was important. And so, and I guess a reminder to me too, but it wasn't it was more for like us to kind of reset every day to make sure we were in the right the right uh head space going into the day.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and a lot of you on this podcast have had listening, have had your your partner or the person you're committed to has taken away your trust, but they haven't put the work in to make it better, and you're on like this really thin string, you know what I'm talking about? Because you have to repair it. You can't just hope they're gonna do it. Someone has to start putting action in every day, and this having them, you can write down the mantra yourself. So let's say that the woman is the one that broke your trust, right? Or the man or whoever, that person you can say, I need you to write what you think would is exactly what we need to do to do better, or you could write it, and then that person who broke the trust needs to say it to you every single day. And then, of course, you have to put action to it, and then you need to have conversations, and you need to make sure that when you have a moment where you feel weak and you're saying, Listen, I'm not feeling like I can't trust you again, let's talk about it. You have to talk about it, right, honey?
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, and when when you uh when you do something that's not the right thing, you have to own it, and then you have to do everything to not do that again, or to not put yourself in a position, or to not you know, because it's important, because this is the most important relationship that I have in my life is you. And so you trusting me and being happy and us being happy is the most important thing that's that that I have.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I love what you said, you have to own it and you have to be afraid you could lose it, right? Because I think some people can keep taking the trust away from their partner over and over again because they never know the partner's gonna let them go. And let me tell you, that could happen, right?
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, and you and you were you were uh amazing through the whole thing and whatever, and and it was uh anyway, I don't I don't know how how much detail we want to get into, but no, we're not gonna do tell me we just talk about how we build the trust at better.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's trust breaking trust could be anything. To some people it can be something small, and to some people something big. Yeah, I mean that's why we just put it in a big circle of trust, period. Yeah, yeah. Because that's the core of any relationship is trust.
SPEAKER_01Well, but but my point was is that you had to be willing to trust me.
SPEAKER_00That no, I had to be willing to take the steps forward to say I'm going to start rebuilding what I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_01Well, right, but I'm saying to have to be willing.
SPEAKER_00You had to be willing. Oh, you gotta be willing, and you gotta And then I had to do the work. Yeah, or whoever is the one that broke the trust in my life. In this case, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I feel like a lot of you out there, and I've had some conversations that that you have been the one that broke the trust, and you're like, what do I do? What do I do? Well, here's here's something you can do, my friend. You can write down a monster, and I know you're thinking, I'm gonna write this down, who cares? But who it had for me being a strong-willed human being, it started mending me in a way I've never been mended before and built me to want to lock arms and hold hands for stronger and lean on him more than I ever had in our marriage. So if you have a very strong little man or wife or partner or whatever in your life, I see I remember I remember, and I'll do whatever it takes for as long as it takes until that happens.
SPEAKER_01Okay, that's the end.
SPEAKER_00Sorry, I'll do the whole thing again.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Today I commit my eyes to you, my heart to you, and my love to you. And I want you to be confident in the love that I have for you, whether we're together or whether we're apart, and I promise I will honor you in all times in all areas of my life, and I want you to trust me, and I will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes until that happens.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and and he memorized it, which is awesome.
SPEAKER_01Sorry, I should have I didn't know we were doing it.
SPEAKER_00No, you did a great job. No, no, no, and it started mending my heart. So someone's out there and you need this, right? You need something that says, Well, maybe this is what I broke my person, the person I care about. Like Chris said, this is the most important relationship in my life. And it is. If you believe in a commitment and you want it to be, and it can turn into so many more fruitful things in your life if you put this commitment first, and then you say, Okay, this is something I can use. I can use a mantra. Sounds kind of ridiculous, but words have power. And think about it when you're doing something and you hear someone say, Oh, you're doing such a great job, I know you can do it, and that person tells you over and over, you know what, I can do this, you know. And I was a personal trainer for years, and I used to tell my clients, we're gonna hit that weight, and they knew if we would bond together, we could get it, and we would do it. And that's what Chris did. He made this monitor.
SPEAKER_01I think too, it's like men, especially, there's there's a certain like arrogance, like, well, I said I was sorry, and that should be good enough, and that's not always the case, and so I think for me it was also uh like a humbling to kind of remind myself, you know, what I needed to do to make sure that you would, you know, be happy and trust me.
SPEAKER_00So, yeah, and I like what you said. So many people think, oh, I'm sorry, that's it. Well, no way, no, no, trust when you have broken that wall of trust with your partner, boo-hoo on you, and you need to get the work and get on those working boots on, and you need to be you need to be making, you need to get in that whatever kind of plaster, and you need to build up a wall of hope and strength and courage of that person again, and never break that gosh down wall again, right, honey? That's right. And that's what we've done. So it can be done, but you that's one little nugget that helped us, and then with those words, Chris uh those words of affirmation and encouragement that he would get. And some days I'd be so mad at him, like, I don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear it, but he'd say it anyways, and I'm glad that he did. But do do do better to build that wall of trust up because now that I'm able to trust Chris a hundred complete a hundred percent, our our love has only gotten stronger. Don't you feel that too?
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think we're tighter than ever right now.
SPEAKER_00Does it make you feel better as a human being that you're better?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, of course it does. I was also gonna say, uh, when we were talking about you being the most important relationship, that's key when you're married, too. I I know some people get distracted with their kids. They focus too much on their kids, and their kids are super important. Yeah, but it's not as important as your wife or your husband. That's right. Um, there's your job, um, you know, and I get it, you want to be successful and you want to make money, and I, you know, uh have had jobs like that where I worked all the time and had my phone in my hand all the time, whatever, but you also have to keep that in perspective and say, uh, you know, uh that again keep the keep the number one thing the number one thing. Uh or there's couples that have friends and they do things together, and that's cool, I guess. We're not those kind of people, but but maybe not all the time, so you can be alone and together. And so I would also say, you know, if you're having problems, I would make sure that the first thing is to make sure that the most important relationship that you're working on is your spouse.
SPEAKER_00That is Chris, that's amazing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I think about that right now. I want y'all, if you're thinking, think to yourself, how much time did I give my spouse this week? How much time did he and I just sit and chit-chat? How much time did he and I sit and eat a pizza? How how much time did he and I really lean onto each other? And because you might be thinking, man, I feel like we're we're not we're not we're not getting close and we're fighting more and we're not talking to each other more and we're being more ugly. Start reset, right? Reset how much time did you spend with your girlfriend more than with your buddy? Or vice versa, how much time did you spend at the you know at the shop fixing the car instead of with your buddy, which is your spouse? Think about that, y'all, because you're building something that is absolutely beautiful, but it has to have time in it, right?
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. And and then another thing too that we do too as we've gotten older is we will start to get in a discussion about something, and then one of us will say, Is this really something to get a discussion about?
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's so good. Yeah, it definitely has to be good.
SPEAKER_01Because sometimes you chase things. It's you know how your day's gone, or you might have had a a r a rough meeting at work, and then you so it turns into this like, Well, I lost that battle, so I gotta win this battle, even though it's not even a battle that's worth so then we we I find ourselves more recently saying. Why are we fighting about that? Uh huh. Like that's dumb. We don't need to find it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, what's the real reason we're fighting? That's really good too. Um, that's these are all such good points, honey. You're so smart. But it definitely, y'all out there listening. One, if you broke the trust, start using better words of affirmation. Number two, lean into your partner, hold hands with her, spend more time with him or her than you do with your buddies. And children, that's a hard thing. It is, especially when you have babies. But we will go into that because that's an issue that we also had in our marriage. And we'll go into that and give you little things that helped us um to make sure that we wrapped each other.
SPEAKER_01Oh, we did. We were definitely into the kids.
SPEAKER_00No, no, but I was so into the kids I had to remember I also had a spouse because I'm such a mama. But we'll go into that.
SPEAKER_01I was working all the time.
SPEAKER_00But but we still had issues and we got through them. That's a good that'll be one of our ones we talk about. But trust was really on my heart because I've heard so many things this week about people breaking each other's trusts and them never wanting to try again. And if that's happened this week, do what Chris said, do the affirmation, lean into your partner. And are those some fights that you have, are they really fights? Are they something else that you're just you're just gonna give be ugly to your partner instead of really talking about what it really was about? You know what I mean? You had a bad day at work, so you're gonna come home and blame on your partner. No, no, no. That's not that's the person you say, I can't tell you what happened today. This is what happened today, my heart was hurt. And be vulnerable, like Chris said, sometimes it's so hard for men to be vulnerable. When Chris started being more vulnerable, that's when our marriage got even more successful because he knew I was his buddy and I could take it and I could listen. Right, go ahead. What do you think about that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, that's definitely the case. And and then I was while I was you were talking, I was thinking too. So in our situation, I had upset you a pr a lot, and then I had to allow you at moments to be upset.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's good.
SPEAKER_01And not, you know, again, it's it's uh well I said I was sorry and uh that's not happening anymore, and but it's not uh it's not always that easy, and so people have to have time to work through it, and um you know, you had every right to be upset, and so you have to allow people to kind of work through it. I think that was allowing you, and again, you we coached you coached me through that. It wasn't like I just had it all figured out, but but it allowed you to kind of work through it too, instead of being told you can't act a certain way. I did this thing, but you can't act a certain way because I said this or whatever.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, so what that that's so good, Chris. I love that. That's a great example. So through our healing process with the trust, I would have moments where I would get set back because I'd be so afraid that he was going to mess up and my heart was gonna be broken again. So I'd get mad at him, and he wouldn't be he he didn't he wasn't allowed to come back and be mad at me. He was like, you know what, you have a right to be mad, let's talk through it. He was strong enough to say, Yes, I'd be mad too, and I need to be able to listen to her be mad at me because I want her in my life. She's worth fighting for, we are worth fighting for, and I need to get on the other side of this because this is the person that the only person I'm fighting for right now is my wife or my husband, whoever did the whatever. And I'm not giving up. I'm not giving up. I'm gonna be here. I'm the one that made the mess, I'm the one that's gonna work to get it cleaned up, right? And whatever that gosh darn looks at, we're gonna clean it up together.
SPEAKER_01And whatever, and as long as that other person is willing to work with you, you gotta do whatever it takes to get it fixed.
SPEAKER_00That's right. And there can be moments, even years down the road, and something will come up, and I'll be like, Oh, I'm mad again today, and I'll tell him how I'm feeling. I won't run. He goes, Well, let me do the mantra again. I'm gonna do the mantra and let me hold you and blah blah blah blah blah. Because you know how the mind is. Our mind goes boop-boop to the dark places, but it's that open communication, the willing for the husband not to be prideful, or the wife, whoever, and to be like, Yeah, okay, I need you. What can I do to make you feel better? And remember, this is the person you chose to be with. Think about what you're saying to that person. If you have been ugly to your partner this week, why? Think about it. That's the person that knows everything about you, all your good, all your bad, and still wants to stand beside you. Don't use your words to be ugly, right?
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, and and guys, if you found a beautiful woman that wants to hang out with you, you you need to question that anyway. Like, why would she pick me anyway? So you gotta make sure you do whatever you can to keep her around.
SPEAKER_00Darling, or and vice versa, if you found a beautiful man to love you, ladies. But let's both just love each other well. We're both, you know, we're equally grateful. But don't this week I want you to really focus on you partners who want to be in commitments. What are you saying? What are you saying with each other and what who what where are you spending all your time, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And uh it doesn't have to be if you're having these kind of issues, it doesn't have to be a 180 change, it can be a 15 degree thing, you know, like it could be uh moments of where you're just changing something the way you're handling things, and then grow on that, right? So if if you're listening to this and you're a couple and you guys are toxic the way you talk to each other, like try to not do that. But if you you're not gonna change overnight, it's not a failure. But if you can be less toxic, you know, 10% of the time to start, then that's a great way to do it. You know, honey, have a great day at work. I love you, and I'll be happy to see you when you get home. And then, you know, if you have both of you have terrible jobs and it's hard when you get home to be nice to each other, at least you started your day better and then build on that.
SPEAKER_00So that is so good. I'm over here trying not to cry. That's really smart. And the thing is, we've done these things, and it works. And I think that's what's the great like when Papa gets home from work, first thing does well, we have a beautiful great Pyreneeslash lab, and she wants to give daddy the biggest hugs and the kisses, and he'll come find me wherever I am, and he'll be like I gotta make sure I give you kiss. And our whole even in the times when the heart was broken and the trust was broken, and we rebuilded it, that was something we always did. So this week, really work on this. Is your person, guys? You want to be with this person forever. Use your words to be kind. And if you guys have trust issues, whoever's the one that's putting the pain on the other, you need to get the work in. You need to start, you need to start getting that work done. Build yourself your word of affirmation. If you need Chris to help you, send him an email, he'll be happy to help you write affirmations because marriage is a beautiful thing and its longevity can be fantastic. And yes, we have some dirty mountains we climb up together, but let's do it together and let's fix it together, right, honey?
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00What else do you want to add? I really like what you said though about um it doesn't happen overnight. You wish it could though, right?
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, of course. But you didn't create that problem overnight, so it takes time to fix the situation.
SPEAKER_00But but and don't keep doing it. And when you start to fix the problem, y'all, don't don't do it again. Just don't love yourself and give yourself hope enough that you love that person that you're going to say, I'm not doing it again, and I love it. Lean into it. Please lean into it because you can do it. Now I got a couple funny stories I gotta tell y'all. So I have them so I was at this food show this weekend and I met some beautiful women and beautiful men that they had been listening to our podcast, and we had so many amazing couples. And if I'm talking about you, thank you so much for listening. You're all so precious. Um, but I had this one fella come up to us, and he's a doll. He was just a doll. And he said, I listened to your podcast, and he goes, and I love the story about the two of you dreaming together. And he goes, and we don't do that. And he's like, and I I and he goes, I didn't even think about it that we don't dream together. He goes, but we don't. He goes, so now like we'll be more effective if we start talking together and say, This is what we want together. I know why you want to do this, and I know why I want to do this, but how can we do it together? Well, it'll be even more successful, right?
SPEAKER_01Yes, well, of course.
SPEAKER_00Obviously, uh uh two hands uh uh together are are better than yeah, we're stronger together, one thousand percent. So I met that so that couple that guy came to me, he was fantastic, and then I had this one lady tell me this precious story, and I want to hear all the pregnancy stories in one of our other podcasts, but this is great because our pregnancy stories are crazy. But she had had a story that her precious husband, she was pregnant, she was about to, he was her last trimester. If y'all are pregnant in here listening, oh we got some great stories about that, we're gonna get on that one of these days. Oh my lord, we're so blessed with great stories. She said that she wanted a lemon donut, and she was going up to the donut store in her little town and it was closed, and she lost her mind because she couldn't get that lemon donut. They've been married now for 34 years, and every single anniversary he gives her a lemon donut. A lemon donut. Isn't that fantastic? And I gotta tell y'all, I love that story so much because it shows you that he he could have forgotten that, y'all. He could have forgotten it. It wasn't his fault that the store was closed, but he loved her so much. She's like, baby, you're gonna get a lemon donut for the rest of our anniversary lives. Isn't that great?
SPEAKER_01That is a good store.
SPEAKER_00Where do you get a lemon donut? I love me a lemon donut.
SPEAKER_01I always thought they were the gag donut when you'd you'd get a dozen donuts for work or something, and then then you'd say, Who got the lemon?
SPEAKER_00Is that a gag donut?
SPEAKER_01Well, I hate them, but if you like them, I guess she liked them, so I'm sure it wasn't a gag for her. I do like me a lemon donut. Yuck, no, thank you.
SPEAKER_00Okay, now I was told everybody what the most romantic thing you did for me this week, or just the kind when you took that suitcase. And I, you know, and I saw you just take it out of my arms and just like all this. What did I do for you that made me relieved? If I didn't do nothing, I'm sorry, I'll work on it.
SPEAKER_01No, it was it was when you got off the plane. You were so excited because you usually, you know, you're like, don't hug me, don't kiss me, like you'll let me kiss you and hug me. Because everybody's looking at you! But you don't want to be a scene, and this was right in that in Nashville, these the little gates that you walk through, these glass door gates that you walk through. And uh literally you were it's it's a good thing nobody was behind you because we would have got run over. But literally, and I stand back and kind of stay out of the way because I know that's usually how it goes. Yeah, but you just jumped in my arms right there and told me all the way home, and we have an hour drive from the airport how much you miss me and how glad you were and how I was your person.
SPEAKER_00You don't want that's true.
SPEAKER_01And uh that was uh that was I missed you like crazy.
SPEAKER_00And that's because you've rebuilt the trust there, Rockstar. Gotta rebuild it. And we give y'all a little nuggets. So if you're struggling, grab it, do it, get after it. Okay, are we ready for Rapid Rock?
SPEAKER_01Rapid rapid.
SPEAKER_00Okay, here we go. Here it is.
SPEAKER_01Let me see.
SPEAKER_00I got it. Okay. Okay, who is more likely to eat secret snacks in the pantry?
SPEAKER_01Secret snacks.
SPEAKER_00Like if they're hidden and you don't want me to eat them.
SPEAKER_01Oh. Uh you. Yeah. Yeah, you would hide something. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay, who takes longer to get ready? Me. Who spends more time on their phone in the bathroom? Chris.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I don't. I'm not a big bathroom guy. But more than you, probably.
SPEAKER_00Who is bigger baby when they get a tiny cold? Chris.
SPEAKER_01That is a lie.
SPEAKER_00What?
SPEAKER_01That is a lie. That's not true. You're a pitiful sick person. And when I'm sick, you get mad at me.
SPEAKER_00That's everyone. I literally got sick in the bathroom. I'll I'll save y'all from the grossness. And I still got up and worked for six hours on my kids.
SPEAKER_01That's true.
SPEAKER_00So maybe I am, I don't know. Um, who hoards mostly useless junk in the garage or closet? You and me both.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, I mean, I get the garage cleaned. So the job that my wife has, she has all these things that are sent to her from different places, and then so they always end up in the garage, or the empty boxes end up in the garage or something. But uh I have stuff in there too. But I I usually burn them, take the cardboard out and burn them every month or so.
SPEAKER_00So it's probably me then. Who is the worst to replying text message? Neither one of us. We are fast as lightning.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Fast as lightning. What is your favorite TV show when you were little and why did you love it?
SPEAKER_01Oh gosh. Bewitched. When I was little.
SPEAKER_00And I loved it because I wanted to be a witch. I still want to be a witch to this day, baby.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. When I was little.
SPEAKER_00I wanted to fly.
SPEAKER_01When I was little, they didn't have TVs, no, I'm kidding. Uh I wasn't allowed really in the house to watch TV because when you were a kid, when I was a kid, you were outside. But I the first thing that I thought Y'all know what I'm talking about?
SPEAKER_00If you're all our age, you know what we're talking about. We're all outside.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, the first thing I thought was Gilligan's Island.
SPEAKER_00What's the what's the song of that? Do. Oh boy.
SPEAKER_01Sit right back in your hearing.
SPEAKER_00Faithful ship. No, we've got to go dump. Tales of the wildest ship. Do you do do that? Okay, that's a baby. What was bewitched?
SPEAKER_01Do do do do doop. No, that was our dream of it.
SPEAKER_00What's bewitched?
SPEAKER_01I don't know, babe. We don't need to do themes.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Who was your favor um okay, who was your favorite teacher? And why was that teacher amazing? Didn't you have a crush on your favorite teacher?
SPEAKER_01No, uh, probably my favorite teacher was uh Mr. Browning, and he was my chorus teacher in col in high school.
SPEAKER_00Okay, why was he your favorite baby?
SPEAKER_01Because I uh liked singing and we sang and did songs. You do like sing.
SPEAKER_00Y'all we're gonna get him to sing on here. When you hear him sing, you will lose your mind.
SPEAKER_01It's not happening.
SPEAKER_00It's it is happening, you some some mister. Okay. Who was my fake teacher? Nobody hated school. Hard stop.
SPEAKER_01Okay, last one.
SPEAKER_00Do you have a no, not last one. Do you have a favorite toy? Just no. What was your most amazing element? No. Uh let's see. Let's see, there's gonna be another one on here. Hold on one second. Y'all, we got a better one on here. Uh what is the secret to not screaming? And I'm gonna tell you something right now. Have we ever had screaming moments? I have 100,000 percent. We're not gonna lie to you. We're verbal, we're verbal people. Uh the secret to not screaming now is I'm too tired, and we we just think, is it really worth it? I mean, let's let's sit down and chat. Is this really worth getting all crazy about? And what what's the real reason you're getting crazy, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we used to get comments, we'd be at family gatherings, and and we would uh get in a discussion. We could be in discussions, and they would be like, uh, do you want to go in the other room?
SPEAKER_00And we're like, no, we're quite talking right now.
SPEAKER_01Quite fine right here.
SPEAKER_00Figure this out right now.
SPEAKER_01But then we'd sort it out. To be honest, the family was pretty jacked up, so it would have been a good uh example for them. But example for them, to be honest.
SPEAKER_00At a family Thanksgiving. We're showing all of you this is how you end a conversation and not just keep it in and have a bitterness and harbor in your heart. Let's get it down.
SPEAKER_01That's another episode. That we are good at the end. Probably not for this show.
SPEAKER_00Who apologized first after a fight?
SPEAKER_01Uh me.
SPEAKER_00I don't know.
SPEAKER_01It's usually me. Because I usually did some.
SPEAKER_00This is the last good one. This is a good one.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00What did you worry about when we first got married more than that seems funny now? We always worry about money, but it doesn't seem funny yet. Hopefully, someday it will.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Oh, about losing your hair? No. You did worry about that.
SPEAKER_01Not my first year. And now it sounds funny.
SPEAKER_00No, it doesn't say first year. It just I put I took that part out. What did you worry about, you know, when you're first.
SPEAKER_01I don't think I worried. You did. I have lost my hair for those of you who don't. I used to have a really nice hair and thin.
SPEAKER_00Your bald head is great.
SPEAKER_01I used to get it thinned. That's how thick my hair was. And now I'd like to get I'd like to get it thickened. No, because it's bald it's bald. I actually saw a buddy of mine the other day that I haven't seen in a couple years. And the last time I saw him, I had a hat on, and I walked in the room and he went, Oh, hey, hey, where'd it go?
SPEAKER_00Bye-bye.
SPEAKER_01It was Eric. Eric, if you're listening, I noticed, but that's okay.
SPEAKER_00Did he really do that?
SPEAKER_01And he said, That's fantastic.
SPEAKER_00Uh but me, uh, yeah, that's the thing that we I didn't what did I worry about? Um, what did I worry about? Gosh.
SPEAKER_01I think it was it was money and getting pregnant.
SPEAKER_00Oh lord.
SPEAKER_01Because we were broke as a joke.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, getting pregnant. But no, then I love the baby part, it was the best part. But um, I don't know. What is the thing that's funny now? Um, what I think is funny now. Gosh, living on a farm. I would have never thought we'd live on a farm. Now I think it's funny that we do and we freaking love it. Yeah. Uh maybe not being a good mama. No, that's not funny, because I always I always knew I'd be a good mama. Uh I think your thing is the one with the bald head.
SPEAKER_01That'll be yours. Yeah, it's gonna be my you were worried about me losing my hair. Okay.
SPEAKER_00I was worried about you losing your hair. I kind of was. Oh boy. And then I think it's funny now because I think your bald head is gorgeous. But y'all, that's it for Sunday. And I think this was a good one. It's a tough one. Sometimes you've got to do hard truths. You know, last week dreaming was awesome. We love talking about dreaming, but I felt in my heart that somebody needed a little nugget to help them, and we just want to share. We're not perfect, not even for a little bit, but gosh darn it, I love this man and I trust him, and I trust him with my whole heart, which is a lot for me to say. And uh, man, this has been a great week. I just hope you all have the best week. Please email us. How do you email us, baby?
SPEAKER_01The ChristopherVenue at gmail.com. If you have a question, comment, concern. Um, you can also don't do this because with somebody commented in Spotify and I had no clue.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we don't do go on there. We can't find you.
SPEAKER_01So if you if you want, and we would love for you to give any feedback or any thoughts. So the ChristopherVenue at gmail.com.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01We'd love it.
SPEAKER_00We'd love it, and we appreciate you all listening. And we can't wait to talk to you next Sunday.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, have a great week.
SPEAKER_00And this is the Farmer and the Black.
SPEAKER_01She's pointing at me like she wants me to sing.
SPEAKER_00You all sing.
SPEAKER_01Have a good week.
SPEAKER_00You son of a gun.