LCPS: Better Together
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LCPS: Better Together
DEIA:Better Together - Silence Isn't Neutral
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In this episode of DEIA: Better Together,
Co-Host Anthony Beckett is joined by Dr. Elizabeth Whitehead, DEIA Specialist, and Mr. Gary Ricci, Restorative Practices Specialist to explore the consequences of choosing comfort over connection and the harm caused by unaddressed silence in our systems and to discuss:
Curriculum Violence: Examining how silence and exclusion can cause unintended harm.
Restorative Practices: Shifting our approach to conflict and harm from reactive to restorative.
Healing-Centered Engagement: Building communities where difficult truths can be spoken without fear, focusing on a healing-centered response to ensure every student is seen, heard, and loved.
Tune in as we turn tension into transformation and explore why the choice to stay silent is never passive
It's your co-host, Anthony.
SPEAKER_00Welcome and thank you for joining us for another episode of DEIA Better Together.
SPEAKER_01Thank you for joining us for DEIA Better Together. My name is Anthony Beckett. It's another beautiful day at LCPS. And today we are going to discuss how silence isn't neutral. Before we dive into our main topic, we're going to have an appetite, Alphabet Soup. Today's letter is K. Dr. Liz, Gary, what word starting with the letter K that resonates with you and connects to equity work?
SPEAKER_03I'm going to say kindness because kindness is a step above just being nice. Kindness is empathy. Kindness is connecting and it's caring. So kindness should be instilled in equity because it's a space where everyone can be seen, heard, and valued.
SPEAKER_02That's great, Liz. I'm going to say knowledge. I think especially with schools, our kids come to schools with all different levels of knowledge, whether it be their home experiences or their experience outside the home. So knowledge with our kids in school clearly has an impact on equity and how we serve our students.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. And I will close us off with kinetic. And mainly because I think about how really our work is forever moving. And then that energy, that movement energy really gets other people going. So it's kind of like that snowball effect. So again, the kinetic movement of equity. So we have kindness, knowledge, and kinetic. So our main topic for today's podcast is silence isn't neutral. What happens when we don't talk? When we hear the phrase silence isn't neutral, what comes up for you? Why do you think silence often feels safer than speaking, even when we know something isn't right? At what points does staying silent stop being passive and start being harmful? To offer insight into this topic, our guests today are Dr. Elizabeth Whitehead, DEIA specialist, and Mr. Gary Ricky, restorative practice specialist. Thank you both, Dr. Liz as well as Mr. Gary, for joining us today. Can you tell us a little bit about your journey in education and your current role here within LCPS?
SPEAKER_03I'll start. I became an educator in the year of 2019. So my first year was the COVID year, and I started as a school counselor in Fockier County. I moved over to Loudoun County in 2021 in middle school. I was doing middle school counseling. And now I am here in DEIA.
SPEAKER_02Okay, Liz is just a baby compared to me in this work. This is my somehow 32nd year in education. My fifth year here in Loudoun. Previous to this restorative practices work, I was a self-contained special ed teacher for 19 years in Delaware, Pennsylvania, and Fairfax County. And now I've been doing this work since Fairfax County for 13 years. Again, my fifth in Loudoun. And then as far as the topic at hand and the connection to this, uh, you know, what happens when we don't talk literally with restorative practice, we're we're talking all the time. Uh, we're trying to encourage kids to speak, whether it be uh through connection or responding to conflict.
SPEAKER_01So, first off, thank you both for one sharing uh your journey with us as well as uh taking the time to really share and invite our listeners uh into this conversation. And so, really setting the stage. Um I really wanted to start with a question of conversations, right? So, what's one conversation that has stayed with you, one that changed how you later teach and or relate to others?
SPEAKER_02Do you want me to go since I'm ready? Sure. Um, so uh I was an athlete my whole life. I played football in college um and I was a quarterback. Um so I had a lot of conversations with the coach, of course. And um, one of the statements that he made, which stuck to me through this to this day and what I've carried on through my work, is take credit for the things you do, both good and bad. Um, it seems like people love to take credit for the things they do well, but it's when they don't do something well that they try to shy away from that and say blame somebody else, things like that. So I I always try to stand up for what I've done, uh, both in a positive and negative way.
SPEAKER_03I can't think of a conversation, but I think of a quote and it's uh be the you that you need or you needed. And I think for me, I just think about all of the kids that were like me or not like me, and where they would go or where they could go, and just reminding myself that I was once a student, I was once in the classroom, I was once in the schools, and I just want to make sure that I'm being the leader and being the mentor that our students need to see.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. And and I bind that even with uh these pieces of your story, it really shows just how powerful uh we become when like we're shaped by not necessarily the conversations that we avoid, but really by engaging with um those aspects of self that we're at times of um a little bit afraid to face. So again, showing that bravery. And so let's talk about the hard stuff, right? So when you think about the conversations people tend to avoid in schools, workplaces, and even families, what do you think we're actually afraid of?
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah, for me, uh again in my work, I see this all the time. Uh, I think mostly people are afraid of one is accountability. Um, when people uh avoid conversations, it's usually because there's some kind of conflict or or they might look like they're in the wrong. Um I think so. The accountability piece is huge that they're afraid of, but also sometimes people make irrational assumptions um and they're afraid that those assumptions might become true when there's really no basis for those assumptions in the first place. So I think the fear comes from uh, oh my gosh, I'm gonna have to be accountable for this, or I have this wild assumption, what if it comes true?
SPEAKER_03I would I would echo that and I would say that people fear being wrong or dismissed or rejected. I think a lot of people may avoid conversations because they are scared of having that disconnect of relationships, while on the flip side, if things are avoided, that also erodes the relationships. So I think that people are really just scared to be vulnerable with one another and just be human first and recognizing that, like you said, accountability is important. So a lot of us aren't taught to disagree without disconnecting. And just because we have differing thoughts and feelings, that doesn't mean that we aren't still a team.
SPEAKER_01So, first and foremost, thank you both, because that you dropped already a great bunch of uh a great few gems. Um immediately, uh, Gary, when I think about what you talk about with accountability and specifically those are rational assumptions, immediately the acronym of fear, false evidence appearing real comes to mind. Um, and then um, Dr. Liz, how you brought in that human first component and specifically how you lift how folks can learn to disagree without disconnect. Um, and I think that this really brings us and sets us up really nicely for our next question of what happens individually and collectively when those conversations never happen? And what are the consequences of choosing comfort over connection?
SPEAKER_03I think when that happens, you miss the trust in the process. People become distant with one another. Um, a lot of people, especially like in the classrooms, they you they have once had this purpose filled with joy, and now they are uncomfortable with feeling unseen or undervalued. So they don't make that um they don't they feel like they aren't in a space where they where they can share and they feel like maybe you know there's no honesty and there's no care with what is happening within their spaces.
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah, and I would say that um again going from from my line of work, um, when those conversations don't happen, those assumptions that I mentioned earlier fester and grow exponentially, uh, which in my experience leads to conflict. Um, so when you don't have those conversations, not only is there a spark for conflict to occur, uh, that gets greater and greater as those assumptions grow. Um, so that's why I think people choose that comfort over connection because it's easier to withdraw from a potential conflict than engage in something to resolve it.
SPEAKER_01And for whatever reason, the thought comes to mind, Dr. Liz, with your experience as a school counselor, when those are students come to you because things just aren't working out in the classroom and you're giving them that space for them to actually be heard. What would you say specifically in connection to the conversations that aren't happening but end up happening in your office? Like, how do you facilitate that guidance, that redirection for students, um, and maybe even teachers that may come to you in these particular situations?
SPEAKER_03Well, of course, all of my students have known that they were always in a safe space. Um, and I think that's like first building that rapport and having those different experiences with students before they get to a space of like, oh my gosh, something is happening and I need to tell someone. We are already in a space where we have gotten to know each other and they're comfortable. I think that's important with also building that rapport with our teachers. And I think that is the role also of our administrators. They should be the ones building that rapport so that they, their staff and their students are comfortable enough of having those conversations with them, but also um knowing that something will happen once those conversations have ended, that feedback is taken in and something is happening to better the school, to better the situation, to better those challenges.
SPEAKER_01And so, and thank you for sharing that because I definitely hear again through lines of what Gary lifted about that accountability piece. Um, and so going and extending further when we think about um why we avoid these difficult conversations, I think about um the aspects of restorative education as well as curriculum silence. Doctors Ikadora and Wigan talk about curriculum violence when what or how we teach causes harm, often without intent. But this idea applies beyond classrooms. Where else do we see silence or exclusion causing harm in our systems?
SPEAKER_03Um specific to education and any systems really, but like the policies that are made, um, whose voice is in the room when that's happening, the hiring that is made, who's making those decisions, the discipline systems, are they equitable? Are they making sure that they're honoring student stories and their traumas and um the healing that they're trying to achieve? Are we trying to heal when that discipline is in place? Um I just feel like even the everyday leadership decisions um impact whether harm is continued or harm is rectified.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and it's it's funny because you asked about uh ideas applying beyond classrooms. You know, 32 years, man, this has been my life. Um, so I I speak to schools a lot um as far as you know what's going on in schools. But as far as the silence and the exclusion, um, it it's with anything. If if you're not including people in decision-making processes, um, if you're not including people in um things that are gonna happen that directly directly impacts them in their lives, um you're almost automatically creating a situation where the people, the powers that be are gonna make a decision and it's gonna impact people in a negative way that they didn't intend to do, but because they didn't get that input is gonna be the final outcome.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. And Gary, I'd like to dive in a little bit deeper from your perspective and experience as first a special education teacher to a restorative practices practitioner. Um, from your from your view and from your experience, how has your classroom instruction experience really informed one, not only how you facilitate or provide that training for restorative practices, but also how it informs like your coaching, your your uh, I guess how you support educators and academic leaders?
SPEAKER_02That's great that you asked that because it's funny. I I think about this all the time. I really don't talk about it a lot. Um my experiences in a classroom, especially as a special educator, I saw kids, and especially in inclusive education where we had uh you know co-taught classes and things like that. Um again, 19 years in a classroom, I saw it all. And I saw kids every single day participating in a classroom. And on a Monday, they might have this, they might present this way. On a Tuesday, they might present a different way, depending on what kid's sitting next to them, et cetera. So all those experiences, and now the work that I do, whether it be going into a classroom and um facilitating circles so kids can make connections, I know they're not the same kids, but I know what those kids are coming with. Uh so there's things that I see the kids exhibit today that I saw 20 years ago uh and over the course of my teaching career. Um the same thing with the conflict things that we do, our restorative conferences when we bring kids together to try to resolve conflict through a restorative uh approach. Um, I I've seen these conflicts every day in a classroom. Um, I think the problem lies with um people who haven't been in touch with kids for a long time. Um, and they think they know what these kids are coming into schools with, but they really don't. Um, and their idea of intervening with a student that they might have worked for them 15 years ago, if they haven't had that contact with a student in in that long, it's gonna be an eye-opening approach and an eye-opening result where, oh my gosh, why didn't this work? This has always worked for me, but that was 15 years ago.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. And and again, I think y'all were flowing because when we think about education and leadership as restorative rather than reactive, what changes? How does that shift how we engage others when conflict or harm occurs?
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna dive into this one because this is my alley here about talking about restorative things. Um, reactive punishment, which is something that has existed in schools since the beginning of time, is ineffective. Um, it only applies to rules being broken and consequences rarely related to the actions. Um, plus, we talk about uh being included, uh, plus those who have been harmed in those situations are not included. So, on the flip side, restorative approaches allow all those that are involved in the conflict to have a voice, which then leads to appropriate and relevant resolution.
SPEAKER_03And just to add, going through training with Gary and learning about restorative circles and restorative practices, it goes the question goes from who's at fault to who has been impacted and how can we heal and move forward. And I think that is that is the golden ticket in understanding being restorative is not about punishment, it's understanding that something has happened, there is hurt here, and how can we heal it and move forward in a positive way.
SPEAKER_02And and in saying that, those things take a little bit of time. Um, you know, in a lot of times there's conflict in schools. We know this, that that's that's always been and always will be, uh, because kids are kids. Um it's easy to check a box and say, I'm gonna talk to this kid for five minutes. Don't do that again. Right? Um, but when we use our restorative approaches, our restorative conferencing, for example, when we have conflict, it takes a little bit of time. It doesn't take too long of a time. Um, but it it gives the time. I always tell schools, invest the time up front now because it will pay off for you in spades as you move forward in the future.
SPEAKER_03Definitely. Definitely, yeah. I was just gonna say that that I have seen it myself going and doing like restorative conferences and seeing that students take those tools and what they've learned within the conferences and take it forward. There's very I've I haven't had a case where we've had um a situation happen and it repeated because restorative conferences helped both students or all students and all parties come together on a neutral ground. There's no blame, there's talking it through and moving forward.
SPEAKER_01Immediately when when we first off, thank you both for for your your insight and just the perspectives that you definitely lift because Gary, you lifted up the notion of time. And I think about all the other instances that our our classroom and school-based educators are talking about that we never have enough time to do all the things. But then I go back into my my teacher preparation days and how they always taught us about backwards planning. Like really envision what do you want to have accomplished by the end of this year? What will it take? What resources did you need? And then that backward planning. So I think it's the same thing in this space when we talk about restorative, um restorative practices, when we talk about healing-centered engagement, what type of environment, what type of culture do you want your students, your staff, your community to experience, and what will it take to make that happen? So, like Gary said it, build in the time. Like, and I find that even in that avoidance of accountability and that fear of the irrational assumptions, I think it's also for administrators from my perspective and experience as an administrator, it's like, well, I don't have enough time for that. But what's more important, addressing the students that are involved to make sure that they're that they're good and get the necessary supports that they need, or just to check the box. So moving forward into our healing-centered engagement, so turning tension into transformation. Dr. Sean Ginn writes, uh, healing-centered engagement reminds us that people aren't problems to fix, they're sources of wisdom and power. What does that shift look like in your work or your leadership?
SPEAKER_03I would say just what I said in the beginning, like recognize that we're all human first, recognize that we all have different stories, different experiences, and use those as assets, as strengths, and bring those to the table. Don't look at students or different people as problems, but what have you gone through that we can use to make this system better for all of us?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you took the words right out of my mouth. Everyone brings something different to the table with their experiences, shared experiences are incredibly powerful when working together towards a common goal. Um, and then the empathy piece uh, you know, builds those stronger relationships. We talk about empathy all the time in restorative practices, um, because when we're interacting with students, whether again, be in a classroom or or with a with a conflict, that empathy piece is huge. You know, kids respond to other kids more than they do adults. And so I tell people all the time, it's great that we can tell a kid, oh, this is how you should do this and how you should do that. But if another student says it appear, it could create so much more power than we could ever do.
SPEAKER_01And immediately from receiving what you both shared, I go to this thought when we talk about specifically our leaders, that culture isn't compliance, especially when we look at it from a student to adult perspective. Culture is how safe I was when I made the mistake. And so when we're really talking about that safety and that restoration, it really shifts one, our overall approach and addressing the situation at hand, but then also, like we both as everyone's lifted, really talking about that empathy, really meeting folks where they are, and then helping them see, hey, you know, but think about what we did, think about what we said. Is that something that you would want to receive? So again, giving them that space and opportunity to reflect and name the harm that they've done instead of always telling them that, hey, this is what you did wrong, because that's your perspective. Um so practically speaking, how do we begin to build communities and schools, teens, or families where difficult truths can be spoken without fear or punishment or dismissal?
SPEAKER_02Um, restorative approaches. I mean, I'm gonna pat ourselves on the back here. And what we do uh encompasses all those things. It gives, I like to use the word opportunity, it gives students the opportunity to have these conversations that you might not otherwise have in a traditional setting. Um, structured conversations. Everything that we do in restorative practice is structured. Uh Liz mentioned fidelity before. You know, fidelity is a big deal for what we do. Because what we do looks easy from the outside. You sit in a circle and you ask some questions. However, there's so much more purpose and intent in what we do. And that's really important. We have established norms and guidelines, and those norms and guidelines are developed by all the stakeholders, not just us saying this is how it's going to go. We talk a lot in this in this school system and every school system across the country about student voice. What we do in restorative practices allows and gives opportunities for that student voice every time that we have an intervention.
SPEAKER_03And I would just add modeling being vulnerable in your leadership. No one is perfect. And I think that when our students and our staff and our community see that, hey, they're just trying their best to make things work. It shows that, like I said, pour your human first. And it shows that you're not far removed from your community, that you can't be reached. It shows that you can have a safe space to have open dialogue. It shows that there is accountability without shame. And I think that a lot of people need to kind of just get back to we're humans, we're people, we're always learning, we're always evolving. And that is an important piece of just feeling that safety within whatever space that you're in as a student or staff or admin.
SPEAKER_02And I think that's important that you said that. That's the message that we tell the students who participate in a restorative conference. For example, you're not in trouble. This is not a punishment. This is a positive, again, opportunity for you to move forward from this in a positive way, not just the person who's been harmed, but the person who caused the harm. Again, they have an opportunity to be accountable. The person who was harmed has an opportunity to say, this is how I've been impacted. Again, without fear, without ramification that there's going to be further consequence or anything like that. It's really important that they understand that uh what we do is a positive opportunity rather than a finger-pointing opportunity.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. And so we've addressed a wealth of areas and concepts and notions, but I definitely want to open the floor for you all to speak on and share any aspects that you were not able to address specifically in any of the questions that you really want our listeners to take away when we talk about how silence isn't neutral and what how that is harmful when we don't have those necessary conversations. You both have the floor.
SPEAKER_02Oh, they just sat in a circle and asked some questions. What's the big deal? How come they didn't get punished? Um, and you know, your your mental health community will tell you uh that suspension is not effective and impactful on students, it does not curb future behavior. Uh Liz just mentioned about um for restorative conferencing, for example, when we bring kids together who are in conflict and go through the restorative conferencing process, our recidivism rate is in the single-digit percentages. Um, so those things don't happen again with those students. Um, the other thing is if if you have a student who commits some kind of infraction in a school, um if they have a traditional discipline response, detention, suspension, etc., they have that detention, they have that suspension. When they come back into school, that conflict just didn't magically disappear. It's still there. And in traditional discipline, for example, the person who was harmed didn't have a say. They don't know what's going on. They still have a potential fear of is this going to happen again? When we bring together people in a restorative conference, um, they do all assumptions are broken immediately because it is, oh, this is the person, this is what happened from their perspective, this is how they were affected, this is what I can do to try to make things ready to move forward. And we come to an agreement. So because we bring kids together, and it is not easy to have a conversation face to face with somebody that you were in conflict in. Um, so so I like to, you know, dispel those myths about uh what this work is compared to you know traditional discipline. And I feel, again, from going through it now for my 13th year and thousands of these cases, uh, how great the impact is and how effective work is.
SPEAKER_03I would say just going back to the topic of silence isn't neutral, I think we often don't recognize that harm doesn't only come from what we say, but things that we don't say, all of the things that are unspoken. So when we leave out our student voices or the voices of our community or their experiences, um, that makes our our community internalize a message of do I belong? Do I matter? So all of the things that are unsaid are just as powerful of what things are said.
SPEAKER_01And immediately just first off, I just thank you both for for again the insight and the wisdom and the knowledge and the knowing that you've shared. And for whatever reason, no. And so I I think about um before coming to Loudon County, I was a high school principal in Alabama, and one of the things that we specifically did was address behavior. And we had I built out the student house concept and all the things for high school, and it worked. Um, and amongst those houses were student leaders, and so what we did and in listening to you all, I kind of think about high-side 2020 and said, hmm, I could have should have done something different. Um, because yes, we have restorative practices, we have what I call the restorative hearing. So the student house leaders from all four of the houses would be the judicial board, and then any student that was suspended for any infraction, they're brought before the judicial board of student of their peers. And all I do is state what the incident was, and then the student, the perpetrator, the person that performed the harm explains what happened. And basically, they're going through that restorative hearing to basically for the jury of your peers to really understand what were you thinking? What was going on? So it's not me. So they have that conversation, listening to the student first, and then they come in with questions. And then after the questions are facilitated, the student steps out and they have a conversation right then and there of okay, based off of our rules, based off of the culture and climate that we want here at our school, what are our next steps? What are the what's the action plan that we want to put this student on? Um, and a lot of the times they would come up with ideas. Well, they need to find a safe teacher because clearly they they're not talking to anybody. And then they ask, well, Mr. B, can can we serve as mentors? It's like, this is your program. What do you think the student needs? You all know each other better than we do. And so they would build out personalized responses to each of our students. And again, granted, yes, we have repeat offenders, but the benefit was like they weren't repeating the same this the same behavior or conduct. Um, ultimately, though, it was just how students saw that one, their voice was heard, their voice mattered, and then even in the restorative piece for those students that were suspended and coming back, they actually had opportunity time to reflect and think about it because it's like you're in front of your peers, so they really know all the things that are going on versus one-on-one with an adult. Which brings us to um our final question. In your experience, what is your opinion of why DEIA is so important for student success today?
SPEAKER_02Well, I'll say now I have two grown daughters, 25 and 18. Well, the 18-year-old's not quite grown, she thinks she is. Um, but just in general, my well, my youngest being at college now, um, she's learning very quickly. I said, you know, students need to understand that their experiences and viewpoints are not the only ones that exist or matter. Um, and that others exist outside of their known world. Uh, and I think again, her going to college, not that she was closed-minded anyway, but she's really experiencing that in in real time, which is great because it's so important for people to under understand that and realize that. Um, because it's just reality. Uh, and people who try to deny that reality to me, again, is mind-boggling because this is the world we live in. Um how dare you think that you know there's not other people that have other experiences. That's just uh either closed-minded and and a lot of times, of course, that is taught from the home. Um, so again, that whole idea of everybody has different experiences that that we should understand and appreciate and not judge.
SPEAKER_03And I would say that too within DEIA and our students, um, it's access, it's opportunity, it's ways for our students to feel that belonging. And our students can't feel that if they aren't socially and emotionally connected to their communities. And and that I think is a huge part of having their identities affirmed and feeling like they are honored and valued within the school. So I think it's very important for our students to feel that now and also be able to take that forward and continue those systems in the world that they will grow up in and be adults in and have careers in. Because right now we are so focused in the schools, and I think that these are the students that are gonna bring it out and put it into the fields that they need to be in, which is in all spaces and all aspects of life.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. And so thank you both so very much. Um to our listeners, now that we've addressed how silence isn't neutral, how can we utilize what we've learned? This month we challenge you to turn these words into action. What connection does the neutrality of silence have on to the role you play in the LCPS community? Try to find new ways to apply, confront, dismantle, andor understand how silence isn't neutral. Thank you so much for tuning in to DEIA Better Together. And thank you again, Mr. Gary Rickey and Dr. Elizabeth Whitehead, uh, for sharing your expertise and offering your valuable time and insight into silence isn't neutral. Thank you. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00Special thanks to our superintendent, Dr. Aaron Spence, and Assistant Superintendent of DEIA, Dr. Latetia Ellis Williams, for facilitating the development and distribution of this podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please follow us on Amazon Music, iHeart Radio, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts to tune in to more courageous conversations in the number of DEIA.
SPEAKER_01For our next episode, we will be joined by co-host Everett Calloway as he leads the discussion of Lauda, where the world comes to mind. Please join us as we center conversation around access and representation across our diverse curricular of the list. And remember, take what applies, leave the rest, use what you can to be your best.