Shay Unfiltered: E02- Don't Have "Grapey" Sex

In Episode 2 of Shay Unfiltered, Shay and her fiancé Ryan dive into one of the most overlooked conversations in relationships: the difference between physical intimacy and genuine connection. They discuss what they call "grapey sex"—when someone agrees to intimacy without truly wanting to be there—and why an honest "no" is far healthier than a reluctant "yes." For them, intimacy is about feeling desired, emotionally connected, and fully present with your partner.

The conversation expands into practical ways couples can reignite the spark by dating their spouse again, flirting intentionally, trying each other's hobbies, and spending quality time together through everyday activities. Shay and Ryan also emphasize the importance of open, judgment-free communication about desires, boundaries, fantasies, and preferences. From conversation starters and question cards to playful texting, lingerie, and other ways to keep things exciting, they share ideas to help couples strengthen both their emotional and physical connection.

Whether you're trying to reconnect, improve communication, or deepen intimacy, this episode offers honest conversations and practical advice to help bring you and your partner closer together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Real connect. Real top. Real connected. Hit the follow button. And let's get into another unfiltered conversation.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Hello, hello. Happy, beautiful, and blessed podcast day, y'all. We are here. I am Shay. This is my fiance Ryan. And this is Shay Unfiltered. Thank you for joining us again for episode number two. I'm excited you're here. Thank you for all your support for episode one. Uh and uh I'm excited that I'm here. Are you?

SPEAKER_02 0:41

Let me take- I'm I'm nice happy to be around.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Okay. Are you super thirsty today?

SPEAKER_02 0:45

I'm thirsty and I'm spicy today. You are? I'm a bit spicy.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Oh boy, here we go. It's gonna be a show. Um, so you may be asking yourselves, why is this episode called Don't Have Gravy Sex? And we are about to get into why it is called that. So it was referenced back in episode one.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

So long ago. Way back in episode one.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Way back in episode one. Um however, at the time I was probably super nervous and I did I totally didn't even know what you were talking about. And then we kind of got into it a little bit, not into it like fighting, but like into what that was, and I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember you saying that. So grapey sex is pretty much when um your partner feels like you are not into it, and he you are an unwilling participant, hence the grapey, right? I mean take out take out the G and uh the Yes. Right, like Yeah, we don't want to say that word because that is a serious accusation and serious um uh topic toss around lightly. Right. So we are calling it grapey. We are making light of that part as husband and wife. We know it is again a serious topic, uh, and we're not making light of that if you know that has happened to you, we're sorry, and this is more so about being in a relationship and just yeah, so that where that came from in my experience, anyway, and like all my friends are dudes, so are they dudes talk?

SPEAKER_02 2:26

That's good, and that came from being in a situation where you feel like your wife or your partner is just literally just doing it for you.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Right, and I think that you should just do it for him, however, let's put that twist on that.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

Just zero, I don't I don't want to say effort and enthusiasm because that sounds bad, but those are the words I'm gonna use. Okay. No effort, no enthusiasm, literally just are you done? Like just their ew, ladies, ew. And that's where I say that feels grapey.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Right.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

It should be an interaction, not an action.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

There's times where not all women or any woman wants to be intimate with her husband. There are times in our lives that that is the case. Um whether we're sick, we don't feel good, the kids it was a long day, whatever the case may be. And that's okay to a certain degree as long as we're not using it as an excuse. And even if we don't want to, but we know that our significant other needs it, I feel like you should at least put some effort into it. Communicate it again. I think we have mentioned about just being communicative about it, but don't just lay there. Nobody wants to just have sex with that. I mean, like your man wants to feel wanted and loved, and for you just to be like, okay, just get it over with. Nobody wants to have sex with that, ladies. Nobody wants to have sex with that attitude. Like, at least try to put some effort into it. Um, and you know, they always say fake it until you make it.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

You can Yeah, I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

If you're a good actress, I know.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

What it comes down to though is like we talked on before, for us for men, it's that connection, it's not about just a physical act, and by not being involved and not being in it, you're reducing it down to the physicality, right? And that's not all it's about. It's about it becomes grapey, that's when it becomes grapey, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 4:32

You're reducing it down to the primal physical, this is what you're doing, and there's so much more to it than that, yes, and I mean again, there's so many things that you know, if you're just doing it for him in that moment, you know, and you're gonna take care of your man, make it as enjoyable for you as possible. It can still be enjoyable for you, and then maybe just maybe you'll get something out of it because you didn't want to, but sometimes the best sex is when you're tired or you just don't want to, but then you give it some effort and you're like, Yeah. So I mean, ladies, again, there are times where you you can say no, but don't say yes and then just have no emotion behind it. Like use that as still a connection to your man.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

I'd rather you tell me no, I really just can't, don't want to, not in the I'd rather get a genuine, honest no than a yes and feel like I'm with a living sex doll.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Ew.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

That that's it, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:39

That's then right. No, I get it. And I feel like again, we can give all the excuses why not to, but then when we do, we remember how great it is just to connect. I mean, it doesn't always have to be about the big O, it could just be about the connection uh that you have with your man in that moment and making him feel wanted and desired and appreciated in the bedroom and not just feel like it's gross, you're just laying there. Nobody wants to have sex with someone who's just laying there. Y'all know, come on, ladies, you don't want to just do that either.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

So well, that too, and think of how many other times in life, not just in in sexual in nature, right? You've done something that you didn't want to do, you wanted no part in doing it, you go and you do that thing, and you had a great time. Yeah, that same thing can apply here if you just try a little bit, just a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Um, and then if we dive a little bit deeper into that, you know, well, you lost your spark, you know. Maybe for some reason there's been too many things that have gone on and you're just not feeling the attraction, but you were attracted to your man in the beginning.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

How do we rekindle that spark? What needs to happen in the relationship for you to want to take care of your man like that? Like it is just I just I don't know. I feel like it's just so important to keep the spark alive so that you're not having to play this game, right? You're not having to play catch up and wondering where that spark went and why it's gone downhill. And is it the kids, is it the the jobs, is it the responsibilities? I mean, come on, guys, that's life. Well, I mean, you can't just stop life and then stop having sex with your significant other.

SPEAKER_02 7:24

One of the biggest things that I resort back to is before you had kids, before you had a house together, before you were married, before you were any of that, it was just you two. And there was something there that caused you to want to get all those other things with that person, right? Right, true. They caused you to wanna have kids. Guess what? Kids come from having sex, so you were doing it at some point.

SPEAKER_03 7:54

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

They caused you to want to settle down and get a house and get married and do all of these things, right? So just because that connection isn't present at the moment, it does not mean it's impossible for it to be there. And just get back to the root of it.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

This right here, nothing else, all the rest is gone.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

This started all of this.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Your spouse.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

Yes, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

And have lots of sex, Ryan and I had lots of lots of sex.

SPEAKER_02 8:20

In the yeah, yeah in the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

I mean, we still have a lot of sex, but in the beginning, it was a problem.

SPEAKER_02 8:27

And I know any guy watching like, what do you mean? Listen, two, three, four times a day, multiple days in a row, you can only handle so much. Like it is really it it way it was a problem.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

But at that, you know, like we made time for each other, exactly. And we made that to like have that connection, and and even yes, even now, I think before we didn't have full-time children living with us, but you know, it was easier to a certain degree, and you had your own house, so we could sneak off there where there were no children. Um but even aside from the and I say children, I say older teenagers, like almost adults, like we weren't leaving our little kids at home to go have sex.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

It's honestly harder to get away with with grown kids than it is to get away with for real.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

I watched a reel the other day that was like that, and it was like mommy and daddy are talking, and like they shut the door so they could have like 10. Don't interrupt us. We're having a serious conversation, and then they're off in the bedroom having sex. Yeah. Now it's like if we do that, they're like they already know. They already know. They already know what's happening.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Like, really, you're gonna do that while I'm home? Then leave.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

You have other places to go. Don't you have to work tonight?

SPEAKER_02 9:39

If not, ask if you can pick up a shift. I got stuff to do.

SPEAKER_00 9:43

So um, but yeah, I feel like find that spark. Find something that you can bring back. Go on, go somewhere where you know you had like your romantic date, or or if you had something that you loved in bed, be like, hey, can you do that thing? Because maybe that you just need to remember what it was like to have him just spend time on you.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

And you know what? As as stupid as this is, as a as a man giving advice to a woman, go ahead and pick up your phone and send your man a text and say, What's my what's your favorite thing that I do in bed? Right? Initiate that conversation. Because he might go, Whoo, where did this come? Okay. Right? Yeah, and that's gonna lead to more con what do you send your man a nude. There's another titties, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Send them your titties.

SPEAKER_02 10:38

I don't care what they look like, he likes them.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

He does.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

I promise, whatever you think of them, he likes them. And but those kinds of conversations, even if you may not be in the mood right now immediately, right? You have that text conversation with your man through through throughout the day, and you get that that tension, that energy you got, you you actually start talking. When did sex become taboo in a marriage, in a relationship? Like, yeah, it should be okay to talk about the things you want.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

Absolutely, and it should be okay to talk not only talk about likes and dislikes, like communicate, like, hey, I didn't really like that, or hey, I really liked that. Could you do that more? Yeah, like don't just sit silent and not enjoy something. I always told Ryan that I would try anything once except swelling. But um, other than that, I'm open to trying anything once. And if I don't like it, then we don't try it again. And if he likes it, then we kind of figure out what we can do in between that so that it's still enjoyable for me and he gets something that he likes. Because you know, and and I've asked, like, what are your fantasies? Like, I know it could get weird, ladies. Let it get weird, but let it get weird and and see where he goes with it because that is being open and trusting your spouse to give you like they're trusting you with their deep dark fantasies, and it's like, oh, that's what you like, okay. Don't ask where it came from, let it ride because he's with you. The past is the past, but there's certain things where the that's the biggest. And I think your fantasy wasn't even something that you had experienced, it was just something that you had seen.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

Yeah, and that's okay. Like, and the and that's the biggest way that conversations like these can go from being a really good thing to a really bad thing really, really fast. Is it doesn't matter where it came from, right? It doesn't matter if it was from a past partner or a video or or he heard his buddies talk. It doesn't matter where it came from, it was something he heard, saw, or found out about that he remembered, and he's now being open enough to bring it to you and saying this turns me on.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

This is something I want to do, this is something I want to try.

SPEAKER_03 12:57

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

And and for me, the first time I heard yours, I was like, Well, I can work on it. I can try. Yeah, we can, you know, do and and he's okay with that. He's like, listen, I get it, it's not for everybody. But if you want to, and I'm like, oh, I definitely want to, because as a wife or a soon-to-be wife, as his partner, I want to make those come true. I don't want him to have to want for anything sexually when I am a willing participant and I can make those things happen to a certain degree, right? I'm not just gonna do something I totally can't do just to make him happy, but I'm willing to try.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

But again, that goes back to grapey, right? That exact thing. Don't do something that you don't want to do, or you wouldn't you you you hear it and you're like, nope, then don't try to.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

There are hard passes and hard no's.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

And it's okay too hard to to ri return that and be like, okay, yeah, I'll do that, but also would you do this? Like we've had that conversation, and you're like, would you? And I'm like, sure. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 14:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

Like those are the but those conversations do that later. Not against it.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

And but those kinds you guys did exactly what I was saying. Those conversations are the things that lead you to, okay, I'm looking forward to next time.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Yeah, exactly. Like bringing that spark back.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

And listen, ladies, don't be embarrassed to go to the toy store.

SPEAKER_02 14:28

Toys are your friends, gentlemen.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

I teamwork makes the dream work.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

And it's not that, and here's the thing, right? A lot of guys are like, I can do it myself. I don't need help. Put your pff this is not my podcast, this is yours. Put your ego aside. I was just about to go off.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

Yes, I know.

SPEAKER_02 14:47

Put your pride aside and realize that if you want her to enjoy it as much as she if you if if you want to do it, she needs to enjoy it. If she can enjoy it as much as she possibly can by incorporating one of Santa's little helpers, then bring it. I know that.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

That's a weird Christmas present.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

And it's not a weird, I'll get you one. So like Okay, Santa. I I know that for example Amazon ladies, Amazon too.

SPEAKER_00 15:13

It comes very like you can't tell what's in it. No idea. Discrete packaging.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

Like you've got one in particular that I know if I'm in the shower and I see you open up their drawer where it's kept, I already know what's going on. Like friends. Yeah, they are your friends.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

And send me a message and I'll tell you what she is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

Guys, if you're watching, send her a message and get it and surprise your trust me.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

I mean, don't be embarrassed to use things like the older we get, and and ladies, like men, you could like we could just blow on it, and it's like women had take a little bit more than just a little blow.

SPEAKER_02 15:50

It's it's it's like there's times that you look at it, it's gonna go off, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Like and for us, definitely different. I mean, maybe some women are different than that, but the most most women are not like that. It's not instant.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

So you also that's that conversation, you have to find the thing that gets her there to that point, though. Like I know what yours is, and okay, sir. I I know what yours is, and you find the thing that gets you to the point of alright, now I want it as bad as you do. Right. Right, right. It's about it to me, baby.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

Sorry, that just popped in my head.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

And those are unfortunately they're conversations that no one's having anymore.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

Right. Why? And it's just it's just wild to me because yes, uh most women have toys, like they might want to hide it, or you don't, and you should get some. However, they're so much better when being used, and men should not let that get in the way of like again doing that because they're just teammates, they're helpful. I had this conversation with my adult son, which was awkward because they found one of them in the shower. Yeah, and uh he was like, Oh, why? I guess uh you're not doing the job, and I mean just teamwork makes the O work.

SPEAKER_02 17:14

Yeah, and it's and it's the the the exact opposite, right? If you if I want you to enjoy doing something that I want to do, let's narrow this, let's bring this even back to magic, right? Magic the gathering.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Magic the gathering.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

I want to do something a lot. I want to do this thing that I want to do a lot with you. How do I make you enjoy doing this thing?

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Stop beating me.

SPEAKER_02 17:37

Now that now that I made you now that I made you enjoy doing this thing, every time I want to do it, we can do it together.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

Same, same thing.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

And I mean, I think that's with everything. Like, yeah, ladies, give your men's hobbies a chance to grow on you. Like enjoy something. And men, same thing. Men should um again, I was married for 17 years before this, and a lot of the things that we did in the relationship revolved around him and his likes. And eventually he came through and he took me to like a ballet, which was great. Um, and it's okay not to try things and not like it. I don't think he liked the ballet. We never went again, but it was a thought that counted at the time because he knew I did, and he took me to do something unselfishly. Um, and so I think that there was a time where I was like, oh, what is this magic the gathering? Right. And then I went to a card store and spent way too much money on uh what do you call it? Little cardboard pieces?

SPEAKER_02 18:36

Little cardboard squares.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Little cardboard squares. Yes. And uh now I love it.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

I and it's something that be through that we can now do We actually played the first time on our anniversary.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Yeah, we did. We went to the beach and it got rained out, so we played magic for hours.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

Let's that's a perfect story, right? That started as you just humoring me.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

That is true.

SPEAKER_02 18:58

That started as you just I'm like, that's that's fine. I know he wants to do this, I know he likes this thing, so why don't I bring it with us to the beach and maybe if we have time, but and it turned into that's all we did all night was play that one stupid game.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

It rained and we sat inside and we played and we played and we played.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

And you humoring me on that one thing that I like, and then me accepting you kind of into that and us doing it together has turned into something huge. Yeah. So do things with your spouse, yeah. And not just like, oh, he likes this or she likes this, so I guess I'll try it. One, be as enthusiastic with that thing as you would expect them to be with what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

I mean, there's things that you just don't like, there's things that you just don't want to do that you're not gonna like, and that's okay. Um, again, that's the part about communicating, but it's also about being unselfish, not being selfish and just trying to enjoy the things that your significant other enjoys. And again, if you don't, that's okay too, but at least you could say you tried, and then the other person knows you're trying to to like the same things and do the same things, and you guys can have your own separate things. Don't get me wrong. Like, there are things that he's not gonna do, period, and there are things that I'm not gonna do, period. Um, but I don't know what those are.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

Well, you're you're not as big of a fan of like the gun range as I am, right? You'll go, but you won't go, but not you aren't excited, you're just like, I'll go ahead and do it.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

Why we never went again.

SPEAKER_02 20:24

But so like even outside of that, right? Outside of hobbies.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Fishing, I'm not a big fan.

SPEAKER_02 20:30

Clean the house with your spouse, put laundry away together.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Put music on, you could do music together too.

SPEAKER_02 20:36

One of you wash the dishes and one of you dry them and put them away. Or cook. Do cook together, do things together. If you feel like there's no spark, there's no connection, there's a then bringing it. Make the connection, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Bring it back, make the connection again.

SPEAKER_02 20:51

And it doesn't have to be these big grand gestures that everybody sees on the internet.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

That's true. Also, ladies, lingerie. I know, trust me, I am one of those who is like, oh, my stomach doesn't look good. I put on a few pounds, I'm not feeling great, I haven't been working out. And the last thing I want to do is get naked in front of my man. However, he does not care because he wants to see me naked. And lingerie helps hide those spots that you don't love about yourself and then adds a little spice in the bedroom. So go get yourself some spicy lingerie that makes you feel good, that doesn't have to be like elaborate. Again, Amazon ladies, is your dress like a stripper. No, but you can wear something like I got this really cute um high slitted lacy nightgown, and it hides my belly, but it enhances my boobs and it kind of makes my legs look elongated and it makes me feel sexy to wear.

SPEAKER_03 21:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

So do the thing, wear something sexy, you know, and surprise him because that can be awesome too, is that little surprise. uh will really change everything.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

Yeah, and I mean the constant thing that I hear too is what's the point of getting lingerie when it's only gonna be on for 30 seconds? Because it's not about the the duration in which you wear it. It's about the response that you elicit from doing it.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Again, but that's about communication too. Like there's ways you can either unvelcro it, unsnap it, just pull it up. You could be like, hey, I'm really feeling insecure about my stomach today. Like can you leave it on and just work around it?

SPEAKER_03 22:29

Like he will.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

And he will. And that's just open communication which creates a better intimacy because maybe he'll love on that part of your body a little bit more so he you can realize that it's really okay. 90% of women I'm sure out there have stretch marks especially moms who have big babies.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

The only person judging you is you I promise in in in your relationship within the four walls of your bedroom the only person judging you is you always yeah so ladies buy the lingerie find some friends of the buzzing type and uh go have some fun with your man.

SPEAKER_00 23:11

Yeah. Be excited. Try new stuff and if you don't know what to try and you both are kind of clueless about it Google it. I mean don't look at the images but Google it or ask Chad GPT. I call him Chad I know his name is Chad but Chad ask Chad or you Chad will give you some ideas.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

Here's a shameless plug oh you can go ahead and plugs are fun look right here at Shay C and reach out there or you can go ahead and send an email to Shayunfilteredpod at gmail dot com or there's plenty of ways that they can reach out to you personally to get your own advice and your own expertise as much as you have. Right. Because obviously it works right if if they're here and they're watching and they're taking your advice take it one step further go right to the source.

SPEAKER_00 24:03

Yeah I answer DMs on Chase I haven't gotten any fun emails yet so you could always email me and say hello.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

I mean there there's so many ways out there that and this you know go back a lot of the things that I've seen on your social media. Yeah he expects this he didn't earn this if he did this then I would do this and that tit for tap BS that happens there some of it's valid.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Some of it is valid I'm not saying it's not I I agree with a lot of the things that people are posting and their perspectives I'm open to different perspectives. I know that my opinion is not God I know that it's just kind of what has worked um moving forward as I get older and being in a relationship and I wasn't always like this like um but you live and you learn and you understand from being single you kind of just understand talking to different men about what happens in life in their relationships and um I just think that people should connect with their spouses more and I really feel like small simple steps like putting the lingerie on and getting yourself a sex toy and showing setting a nude to your man or a spicy text will really get that going.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

And you know or walk by and slap his ass.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

He does it to you all the time you do it's true I do it to you do it to me daily I do I do I do grab your butter slap it just anything to show flirt with your man and he will reciprocate yeah and if he doesn't then also contact me because that could be another episode that's accurate. Yeah I mean I mean the bottom line is ladies don't have grapey sex your man wants you to be involved he is there he finds you sexy he finds you attractive he wants that connection with you why are we turning them down or why are we just doing it to do it and not enjoying it when there's every opportunity and there's so many things that can help us and um you know even if it's not let's say let's just throw it out there premenopause or menopause I get it I have the start of symptoms um not the not the down under one thank god yet um but there are so many other ways to connect with him and to make him feel loved or wanted or appreciated um you know you have a few other holes you do have hands if you're into feet I mean if you got feet that's fine but it's not my thing I know but I'm just saying it might be somebody else's yeah I'm not shaming I'm just saying it's not mine. Yeah I mean so um there's just other ways I think that you know and it could just start with it doesn't even have to be in the bedroom it could just literally start with a handhold a back scratch right um like a slap on the ass like it can just start with those things and just the touch of loan coming from you to your man that normally doesn't see that from you can change his whole day or even like that nude. And listen I get it things happen because with me I have some you know medical stuff going on. So if I send him a nude and then he comes home and I'm like uh I'm sorry I'm really not feeling good.

SPEAKER_02 27:47

That was morning shade you're talking to afternoon shade.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

So there are things that come up in life that make it that it does can't happen or doesn't happen or you know rain check but I always make sure you get a rain check.

SPEAKER_02 28:01

And I get yes that's very true. I never go without if I do it's not for very long.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

Right. And I feel like again there's so many ways where I'm like oh do you want to try that? Oh I can't do that because I'm not feeling it but and not feeling it meaning like I'm not feeling well um you know to ride the rodeo.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

If you're a woman watching or listening right now and every single thing that you have said they're like no nope I don't want to no can't do it nope don't want that but why right why why is it so taxi why are you so so vehemently against loving your spouse why right yeah look in look look in the mirror and figure it out and if you need your spouse to help you figure that out talk to him and say hey listen I think the biggest thing that has like the biggest theme is communication.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

Yes communicate communicate communicate overcommunicate and um and enjoy that communication don't fight don't yell it's not something to get angry about but open and share and um they they have books also and they have little cards we got cards those cards are cool yeah there's they're called like couples cards or something you can Amazon look up Amazon uh card uh we'll bring them on the next class we'll show them we'll show them because they're fun they were definitely things that we had already talked about I think that Ryan and I in the beginning of our relationship spent a lot of time communicating communicating communicating about um wants needs desires we didn't get to fantasies life goals but it was super important stuff where um he wasn't even looking for a relationship either was I well yes I was I'll take that back he wasn't I was but I wasn't looking at him for one and you know we had met and once you know we became inseparable we definitely spent a lot of time talking about the serious things because he had come out of a bad relationship I had come out of a bad relationship years before that but um it was just once we realized like okay this is gonna be more than we expected it to be we kind of were at a point where we're either all in or all out. Yeah and we decided to be all in and so those those cards right it's communication communicating it and we like I said those cards were some stuff that we had already discussed so we kind of we reiterate a little bit on it or kind of talk about it but the cards are really helpful to br to help communication because some couples need the help to communicate because they just don't know where to start. So those cards are a great place um again the small things that you can do to show your spouse you're listening or you know you want to bring that spark back.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

And I don't I don't really resign to this idea but I know people who do and I know it can be effective we live in a world where you have a thousand ways to communicate with somebody you can call you can text you can Facebook message you can Instagram shit you can message on Spotify I guess right yeah I think you can there are so many ways that you can communicate with somebody email email right we're going old school if you can write a letter if you if you want to have this conversation but you're just one of those awkward people even around your spouse send him a text. Yeah initiate that conversation where you don't have to be face to face you can do that via text and let it naturally transpire into what it is but even sending a text is better than not communicating at all. Correct in no matter it doesn't matter how you communicate just open up that line and you'll be amazed at how far that goes.

SPEAKER_00 31:59

Yeah so I think that we've touched on all the things I think that I got some things you can touch on yes um I think that again the point of it is let's not have grapey sex ladies and uh I think that really wraps it up for this episode of Don't have grapey sex.

SPEAKER_02 32:19

Alright sounds good to me.

SPEAKER_00 32:21

Alright don't forget to follow me here right it's gonna be right there right there at Chase on Instagram uh and uh if you have any questions my email will be there and thank you for your support and we'll see you uh next time