Bowing into the Life of Vow - Eko Jeff Kelley

Bowing into the Life of Vow - Eko Jeff Kelley - 06/07/2026 - Suggested Donation $5 -

This talk explores bowing as a practice of humility, surrender, and connection. Using the Soto bowing verse, it reflects on letting go of the separate self, recognizing that we are “not two,” and returning to everyday life guided by the bodhisattva vows.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Is the audio working okay? Um, is the audio working okay?

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Am I can I do I have to do something?

SPEAKER_00 0:44

If you dismiss the little uh this meeting is being recorded thing at the very top.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Participants remove this meeting, okay. So the audio is working okay, and you are being recorded, said you. Oh, I see some friends on Zoom here. Nice to there's Mike, yeah, great. Steve Gibbon. Okay, um, wow. Uh what a treat it is to be here with all of you. And um Dokasans, and I'm just right into the swing of things here. Wow. Old friends, new faces. Uh it's great. So where to begin? I think this is the first talk I've given at Seattle Soto Zen uh in person since leaving in 2019. So that's for me anyway, that's kind of momentous. But so uh I'm just kind of taking it all in here. And um I you know feel like I should say a little bit about my journey and what I'm up to right now. Um so I handed over the Allison and I, Conscient Allison and I had a little ceremony in 2019 where we did some stuff and then we changed seats. Right I was sitting over there, she was here, and then we ended up switched. And so now we're we're switched, we're still in those seats, and it feels really good. And uh look what has evolved from that moment. It's wonderful, such good energy and uh um such careful holding of the forms. Really nice to see left Seattle Sozin um for some particular reasons and having to do with mental health and um have had various things going on since then, but I'm happy to report that I'm trying not to tell the whole story, so I just want to tell a little bit. Things are going, things are great. Uh uh I'm feeling the energy, I'm feeling free. Uh, and I contacted Kancha and said, Hey, you know, I want to get out, come over and visit. So here I am. She graciously uh invited me to come. But I am uh living on Vashan now with my wife Bonnie, who's here, and uh we've been there since 2022, practicing there with um Puget Sound Zen Center. Uh my good friend Koshin Chris Kane is abbot there, and he um is relentless in wanting me to come in and do stuff, you know. I was resistant, but um he was um kept opening the door for me. So and I've um been very appreciative of that over these years. Interestingly, it's a rinzai sangha, and you know, for some of you who hung around Zen, there's this kind of myth of Rinzai and Soto, and and then there's you know Korean, and then there's this and that and the other thing. But um so it is interesting. The forms are somewhat different, um uh, but the heart I think is the same. It really is.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

And um, Koshin is my good friend, and it's surprising sometimes how in sync we are about the Dharma, not on everything, but um but the forms are different uh a little bit, and um I miss the Soto forms.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

So I'm I'm a little sorry that I wasn't here during service because uh I missed that. And um I'm gonna talk about bowing today, too. So uh I didn't get to do so many bows, but that's all right. That's all right. I appreciate the dokusa. Um yeah, so I uh I've started doing my own morning service uh Soto style, and I'm much like this, and uh it means a lot to me because I found out things about the forms, you know, they they do get into your bones and into your body, and you know it's um something is expressed through you, and you express through the forms that is very precious, I think. And then on the other hand, I mean, because I'm kind of getting into the Rinzai forms, you know, they walk fast and they bow fast, and uh but there's energy there, which is kind of cool. So uh not only do I have great appreciation for the forms for the sota forms, but also seeing, you know, they are arbitrary in a way, you know, and you know, you can get into these other forms too. And so it's an interesting um interesting that they can they need to be held in both ways, I think. But I'm happy to be here, happy to uh have the soto forms.

SPEAKER_00 7:08

And uh I want to talk about bowing today.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

I did a last-minute search online last night about something related to bowing, and I saw, oh Norman has this book about he says he bows, and I don't know, I haven't read it, but I thought, oh, that's interesting. When you greet me, I bow. Yes, when you greet me, I bow. And so um maybe I'll have to read that because I'm interested in bowing, because um it's a particular form, of course, and I think you know, in Zazen, uh, we just kind of let go. I mean, Zazen is in my mind letting go of everything, uh letting go of beings, letting go of uh self and other, uh, letting go, you could say almost of relationship and just being. Bowing, on the other hand, there's usually uh a bower and a bowed to. And it's the setup is one of relationship and uh meeting, uh, you know, engagement contact. So I I think that comparing the two is interesting to me. And uh so let's talk about bowing today. Have you ever heard the expression, if you um when you pick up the corner, you get the whole cloth. Uh and if you notice when we use our zagus, our bowing mats, it's kind of a neat little move where we pick up the corner and it comes folded up neatly. Anyway, the the metaphor is about when you pick up one corner of practice and look at it, you get the whole you get all of practice. It's embodied, all of it is embodied. And so that's what I think about bowing today is we're going to pick up bowing and see how it expresses the whole practice. So I think bowing can be uh a way to come back after letting go of everything, letting go of beings and lifespans, and I was talking to Mark about the Diamond Sutra and uh letting go of all that stuff. Uh but we have to come back to this world, this life, this community, these beings that we are connected with. And so bowing, uh to me, I think we can come back and do bowing and re-engage in this world of uh relationship and many beings.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

So, what I want to do today, and I'm not sure I'm gonna do this, but maybe I will.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Um, I want to use the Sothoo Bowing verse, which is maybe a little bit obscure, as a way to kind of walk us through um, well, an investigation of Bowie. And uh I printed out a bunch of copies. So I guess I would like to uh just hand, I think I I have 25, maybe that'll cover it. I don't know. Um so if you just yeah, help pass those around. And yeah, you can do that while I'm speaking. So there is this bowing verse, and uh, I don't know if you have used it in your practice. To me, it hasn't been a big part of practice, but I I come back to it periodically and think, wow, this is this is cool. This is uh profound. And uh the translation that I'm using today comes from my old days in Minnesota, and I'm not sure who translated it. There's a different one in the Sotoshu um um compilation of documents, but it's recognizable. So it says Bower bowed to their nature, no nature. This body, other bodies, not to. Plunge into the inexhaustible realm, live the life of vow. So you could say this each time you're bowing. It works, it divides up into three nicely with for three bows. And the last one you go, plunge into the inexhaustible realm. Live the life of vow, yeah. So that's available. Um but this verse says a lot. I think there's enough in this verse for about 16 different talks, but we're gonna kind of make our way through it all in one talk today. So Bower bowed to. Well, first, and who is doing the bowing, right? That's an investigation uh of a lifetime of practice. But we bow uh knowing knowing that beings are empty, um, but knowing also that this is our life. These are this bower and the bow to are what we are given to engage with our life and our world. And I think humility is kind of built into the action, right? When we put our head down and elevate something that is beyond us, there is a sense of humility there. I think the psyche, no matter how what kind of language we put around bowing, when the human body puts its head to the floor and elevates something else. Um, I think that goes deep in our psyche. But it's important to have some idea of what we're doing, I think. So with our hands, I believe we we elevate, and you know, there are different stories. People say, what does it mean when we do this? Well, we can tell this story about we're holding up Buddha and we're doing this and that and that. But I think it's important for me at least is that we're elevating something that is beyond our ego. We're elevating something that is bigger than us, we're elevating something that pervades um our lives and the lives of the world. I've been interested lately in the question: what is it that animates my activity? What is it that animates your activity? What is that? You know, what is that energy? Or you know, I mean, we could have some scientific explanation, but that doesn't really cut it. So there is something that is animating our life. And in bowing, I think we joyfully allow this larger something to animate us. We get out of the way. And we put our we put our head down, we put our ideas down, we put our ego down, and allow something else to animate our life. And when we do this, I think, when we get out of the way, uh, when we stop trying to control our life, when we stop thinking that I'm the one that has to figure things out and make things happen and uh organize the world, there's a freedom there to say something else, I'm part of something bigger, something else is animating me, and I'm sharing it with all beings. I think there's freedom there. I gave a talk uh at Pujitsan Zen Satter uh a while back, and the title of the talk was Surrender Question mark. Surrender? This was a bit of a challenge for the Rinzai folks. But uh I asked people to at least entertain that idea of surrender, um, at least uh giving, yeah. So I saw a billboard once. We were driving along, and it said, um, happiness is surrendering to God. And uh Bonnie and I were driving along. I didn't mention it to Bonnie because she gets a little nervous if I start talking about God. Um, and other people do too sometimes, but it's just a word, and uh I felt like yes, surrender, surrendering myself to something larger, it kind of struck me in a deep place. And I wonder, okay, what's what's going on there? And so uh I explored that some uh with the Rinzai folks. There's still a question mark there, so don't worry. But uh, and we're not surrendering to some guru or some teacher or even some historical figure. Uh we're not surrendering to we're surrendering to some other person's ego. We're not surrendering our hard-won power to not be oppressed by other people in our life. Um, I think we're possibly surrendering to this larger force, this larger energy. We can call it um, you know, we can call it Buddha nature, we can call it Prajna Paramita, we can call it suchness, we can call it lots of names. We can call it God, we can call it all beings, we can, you know, it's not so important to me the name we use because we know in this practice that these names are empty, they're constructs and they're pointing to something beyond constructs, right? So if you ask Dogan, I think he said he says Buddha, pretty, pretty definitive, definitively in one spot at least. He says, just set aside your body and mind, forget about them, and throw them into the house of the Buddha, then all is done by Buddha. When you follow this, you are free from birth and death, and become a Buddha without effort or scheme. So forget about them, throw it all into the house of Buddha, then all is done by Buddha. Well, what does that mean exactly? But you know, we're animated by Buddha mind, by the awakened mind, by this larger thing that we connect with in this practice. I see a few people from Seattle Soto Zen occasionally uh at uh the Rinzai Center in um Vashan Island, on Vashan Island. Jeff Skolnik, I don't know if you remember Jeff, but he practiced uh with the Sangha for a while. And he reminded me the other day that I used to say, I used to quote Kaigeri Roshi as saying, It's none of your business what happens in Zaza. It's none of your business. Forget about it. Throw it into the house of Buddha, then all will be done by Buddha. I used to like to say, um, allow yourself to be lived by the one life. And that's kind of what I'm saying again today.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

This energy of allowing the one life to animate you.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

So we're saying there's something there, we're not too worried about naming it, but we're opening to it, letting go into it, acknowledging that it's already animating us. And if you think surrender is too strong a word, what is it you're willing, not willing to let go of? Yeah. And think of how much trouble that causes you, that thing that you're not willing to let go. We'll leave the question mark there, though. So that was all about Bower Bowed 2, I think. Okay, so we got to keep going here. Their nature, no nature. Um, these things kept coming up in Dokasan, but you know, because they're in my mind, that's what comes up when people ask me questions. So we talk about Buddha nature, right? And it's important to talk about. Um Buddha's mind, which is something we share in, something that connects us. Um, the Mahayana Sutras say all beings without exception uh have Buddha nature. And Dogan famously, I think this is even in my beginner's mind, Dogen famously revises that to say all beings without exception are Buddha nature. I always thought that was an important shift, you know. Something we have inside of us, yeah, sort of. I mean, that's useful to think that way, but it it's is it something larger that we participate in? All beings are Buddha nature. There's no thing not Buddha nature, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:57

That's a different, a different sense.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

But this Buddha nature thing, this nature, true nature, um, and it's kind of a construct, right? And and we start defining it and we want to hang on to it, and we want to know what it is and keep it safe. Um, but we learn in this practice, and you guys did recite the heart sutra, right today. Okay, I'm sorry to miss that. Yeah, it's that's what we do, right? And what does the heart sutra say? It says move to all that, know this, know that, no the other thing, sweeping it all away. Red Pine's translation is bodhisattvas take refuge in prajnaparamita and live without walls of the mind, without walls of the mind, and thus without fears. So the heart sutra is really sweeping away our constructions. It says, let go and live without walls of the mind, live without fear, and that's a tall order, granted. That's why we chant it so often. Because we gotta keep gotta keep coming back to us. Oh, yeah, yeah, boy, I don't know how I'm gonna do that. How does that work?

SPEAKER_00 23:25

Practice and practice, hmm.

SPEAKER_01 23:33

So true nature, bit of a construction. We say no nature, no nature. Hawkin does that. I don't know if other people do it, but um so Buddha nature sweep away that construction and sit upright in the midst of it.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

But don't construct something, yeah. Dogan again um talks about uh, of course, talks about everything, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Um, Buddha nature. And I have I have to bring this up because in the fall of 2019 at uh Camp Indianola, Kanchan and I led the Sashine, my last one there. And the topic was impermanence is Buddha nature. So Dogan, you know, he asked Dogan what is Buddha nature, and at least in one place, he says impermanence is Buddha nature. Buddha nature is nothing other than change. Your true nature, my true nature, is that in a matter of moments, I'm gonna become something different.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

I mean, what if we let that sink in and act and lived accordingly? So their nature, no nature, bowing.

SPEAKER_01 25:07

That's just the I think that's just the first bow. Yesterday, though, uh, so I was preparing this talk, working on this talk, and um talking about bowing. So in my room, my study where I work, uh, my meditation cushion is here and the altar is here, and my desk is over here. But I had the Zabatan right in front of the altar and nothing on top of it. So as I passed by, I could do a bow, you know, and do some of this practice. Uh, and it was actually really nice because, you know, I'm in preparing this talk and I'm building this edifice of ideas, and oh, it's so important, and there's so many things I want to say. But then I would walk by and just do a bow and just let it all go. Drain out of my head into the earth. Just bow. So we can do that too, right?

SPEAKER_00 26:02

Just with the body, in the midst of everything. This body, other bodies, not too.

SPEAKER_01 26:16

Have you studied the have you studied trust in mind, the teaching poem by the third ancestor, Sung San, Faith in Mind, it's also often called, begins out of the gray way, is not difficult, just avoid picking and choosing. Right. And that'll stick in your craw for a long time. But it goes on, and uh it comes to this. In the world of suchness, there is neither self nor other than self. To come directly into harmony with this reality, just simply say, when doubt arises, not to. And this not to in this not to, nothing is separate, nothing is excluded. So again, I think we're in this place of sweeping away all constructions, and yet here everybody is, you know, these people that I love, I want I'm connecting to them. How does that all work? And so this teaching of not to for me uh is a way of holding that, okay. It's not all one, but it's not two either.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

And so, how do we um move through life with not to? It can be it can have a practical application.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

When someone annoys you, not to when you desiring something, not to, when you're yearning for emptiness, not to appreciating the wind on your cheek, not to. So, you know, it it's useful to carry along with you. It doesn't come automatically, not to, right? I mean, that's why we have the bowing mat there. There it is, right there. That's great. And you can never wear it out. Um, sometimes we bow to difficulty and frustration. I'm going back into the prison these days, and the other day I was there and uh got all the way to the parking lot, you know, take the take the ferry, drive from West Seattle to Monroe, and then get there and find the program has been canceled, and that's the way the prisons work, you know, things happen. But okay. Bowing, can I bow to that, you know? Maybe. Maybe not right away, but bowing, yes, got it. I can do that. Yep. Um the other day we were setting up Bonnie's new phone, and you know, there's a straightforward process, but it wasn't working, and we'd get it partially set up, and then the old phone would take back control and start working again, and we it just wasn't going. And I think there were some demons of some sort in that old phone, and they might have been AI demons, I'm not sure. I'm suspicious of that. It was a struggle though, but um, so bowing to the AI demons, yeah, not right away, but yeah, yeah, not too, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:55

Hmm, maybe. Um what's the time frame a lot like here? We try to get out by 11.

SPEAKER_01 30:06

We try to get by okay, and that includes QA?

SPEAKER_00 30:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Okay, well, all right. Gives me something to uh shoot for you.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

I want to say something about well, I won't.

SPEAKER_01 30:29

Going on to the third line then. Okay, so uh I've been talking about a little bit about freedom and about uh you know, if we allow ourselves to be animated, uh stop trying to control, set down this self that we keep trying to protect, there's freedom there. And I've really been conscious of that lately. And uh, but thankfully, in this Mahayana practice in particular, the question is asked, free to do what? So we're free from all of our burdens and maybe a bunch of our suffering, and we're free from carrying this around. But okay, free to do what? Now what? You know, and so here's an answer to that. Plunge into the inexhaustible realm and live the life of vow.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

The life of vow. You're you're probably familiar with that expression.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

Uh Shaaka Okumura has a book uh by that title, I think, Living by Vow. And so um, it's a way to embrace the Bodhisattva vows, and it's a way to speak about them. So plunge into the inexhaustible realm, live the life of vow. And what vow are we talking about? Well, I think I heard you reciting the bodhisattva vows. So, yes, so beings are numberless, I vow to save them. Delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to end them. Dharmagates are boundless, I vow to enter them. The Buddhist way is unsurpassable, I vow to become it. So vow. It's like a pathway for our life. It's like where our lives can flow. It's like we can we can go that route, you know, in my various ups and downs of mental equanimity. Uh I felt like my mind would be stuck in certain pathways. You ever feel that? I'm stuck here. I guess keep going back to the same thing. I know it's not the only way to view things, but I'm I'm stuck. I get stuck. Uh, and so our mind likes to go in pathways, I think. I mean, and you know, the story is with the more we go down there, the deeper they get, and the more we're likely to go down the same pathways again. So this is another this is a pathway that the mind, the heart, the spirit can go. Bow. The four vows. So helping beings, right? The first one, working with our delusions. That's pretty important. Traveling the path of dharma, developing clarity, allowing the truth of the teachings to enter, and realizing the awakened mind of Buddha, that is our mind, and then starting all over again, right? Inexhaustible, yes. And it's great that they're impossible to achieve, right? Because then we there's no score to keep. There's no uh almost got it, almost got all those beans today.

SPEAKER_00 34:13

No, inexhaustible, no score, pour ourselves into that, live the life of vow, be animated by the something larger, and do it, you know.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

You don't have to have taken vows. I mean, a lot of people come to this practice and they say, Well, what are what are these vows? And I didn't take vows. Why am I saying these vows? Um, it's a good question, yeah. But I think we're asking you to you know try it on. Um put your life into this pathway for a little while and see how it feels.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

So I think you know, if we can combine surrender and life of vow, I think that's pretty potent. So almost done now.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

Question I always have at the end of the Dharma talk is okay, that sounds good, but how? How do we do that? How do we let go and how do we allow this to inform our lives? And you know, how does how does that actually work for me uh day to day? And you know, that's certainly an important question, and of course, Zazan is probably the cornerstone practice for this tradition, with good reason.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

Um it allows the walls of the mind to be to fall away.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

It opens to that possibility, which opens to freedom and opens to energy and joy and connection.

SPEAKER_00 36:30

So do zazen and do a bunch of bowie. That's that's about it, real.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

And Buddha Dharma Sangha, four vows, you know, it's there are lots of things to guide you. So thank you for taking this little trip with me today for entering this field of know nature, not to life of vow.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

It's a real treat for me to be here today with you. Thank you so much.