The Digital Rule of Life

Are you ruling over technology, or is technology ruling over you?

We just wrapped up our Digital Fast series, and here's the challenge: the average person spends 8 hours daily on their phone—that's 21 YEARS of your life. Paul reminds us in Ephesians 5:15-16 to "pay careful attention to how you walk...making the most of the time, because the days are evil."

It's time to create a Digital Rule of Life. Consider tech-free zones at dinner. Replace your morning scroll with the morning Word. Swap mindless consumption for mindful prayer. These aren't just suggestions—they're pathways to experiencing the peace of God that surpasses all understanding.

This isn't about hating technology. It's about putting it in its proper place so we can focus on what truly matters: loving God and the real people right in front of us. What will your digital rule of life look like?

#DigitalFast #TechFree #Ephesians5 #RuleOfLife #IntentionalLiving

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, hey Church at the Grove. Hopefully you are doing well and enjoying another winter weekend. It is crazy in the 20 years of existence here for Church at the Grove's existence. We've never had two Sundays in a row. I don't even know if we've had two Sundays in a year that we've had to cancel because of weather. And so it's crazy that we've had to do this back to back. But hopefully you're enjoying the winter weather wherever you're at. I know in talking to some of our leaders, they got some of them got just a little dusting, it barely covered the ground. Other people got three to four or more inches and they couldn't get out of their driveway or neighborhoods. And so as a leadership team, it was really hard making the decision. We really wanted to be in person this morning. We wanted to be able to see you guys face to face. But we just felt like it was the wisest and the safest thing for us to be able to come together online. Now the ironic thing is that we're finishing out our series this morning called The Digital Fast. And we're having to do that on technology. And so it just goes to show you that we're not against technology. Technology can be a really good thing, it can be helpful and beneficial for our lives. But we certainly didn't intend for this series to end and have two weeks in a row where we're talking about, you know, being online together and we're talking about a digital fast. It's just kind of crazy and ironic. I think God kind of laughs at some of our plans. But hopefully you've been on this journey with us through this 28-day fast. It's been just an incredible adventure. I know I've had some good moments of reflection and I've learned a lot of things about myself and my relationship with technology. And then there's been some other times where I've struggled and I've kind of fallen back into old habits. But it's very, it's been interesting kind of hearing some of your stories and some of the ways that God's maybe spoken to you during this season. But this series has really not been about a hatred of technology. We're not against technology, but rather we just wanted to put technology in its rightful place. It has a place, but we didn't want to be consumed by technology. Technology has a way of stealing from us. Like the enemy in John chapter 10 that says that he comes to steal, kill, and destroy, he oftentimes can use technology to do that in our lives. He can get us to believe lies that pervade our minds and our hearts to get us to think that we can be like God because of the technology that we hold in our hands. Technology also has a way of discipling us. We talked about this a couple of weeks ago, but it's this idea that technology and phones in particular, they can be tools for good things, or they could be idols, but they can't be both. And so this morning, what I want to do is I really want to kind of close out the series and talk super practically about how do we apply this in our lives. This wasn't just a social experiment to kind of understand our relationship with technology, but it's a lot more than that. It's about us creating new ways of life that help dictate how we're going to use technology in the future. If you wanted to put a big idea on this morning's message, it's simply this that we must rule over technology instead of technology ruling over us. We don't want technology to dictate how we do things and how we believe and how we uh go about just living our everyday, ordinary lives, but we want to rule over technology in our lives. And here's what I've learned, and here's what I've seen, and so many other people have um uh agreed to. It's this idea that if you don't have a plan, if you don't have a plan to handle your device, then your device will have a way of handling your life. And so we want to create a plan so that we can walk in a way that honors God and that leads us to be more like Jesus. Now, uh, we're gonna look this morning in Ephesians chapter five. We're gonna jump around a few scriptures, but Ephesians chapter five is where we'll be mainly this morning. And Paul's writing to the church in Ephesus, and he's telling them at the end of this letter that he's given them a lot of biblical information, but he's saying, Hey, I don't want you to just know more biblical information. You know, following Jesus isn't just about having intellectual knowledge, but it's actually about doing something with it. It's about being formed by the knowledge that we are actually have attained. And so he's writing here in Ephesians chapter five. If you have a Bible, you can turn there. But in Ephesians chapter five, starting in verse 15, he says this He says, Pay careful attention then to how you walk, not as unwise people, but as wise, making the most use of the time, because the days are evil. So don't be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is, and don't get drunk with wine which leads to reckless living, but be filled by the Spirit. Speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music with your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of Christ. And so what Paul's getting at here, he's saying for followers of Jesus that he's wanting them to look closely at their life. In fact, let's look at that again. He says right here, pay careful attention. Some translations are saying that we should make the the uh the wisest decision to focus in our attention and our time and our energy to make the most use of our time. He says it right here, uh, pay attention to how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of the time. Some translations say redeeming the time or reclaiming the time in your life, buying back the things that actually matter in your life. We talked about this a couple of weeks ago, but the average person is spending seven to eight hours on average a day looking at their phone. That's the equivalent of 87 days a year in 21 years of the average person's life. And so when I think Paul's saying making the most use of the time that we've been given because the days are evil, I think that would certainly include how we use our phones and our other technology devices. But then he also continues and he says, understand what the Lord's will is and don't get drunk with wine, which leads to reckless living, but be filled by the Spirit. And so he's saying, hey, don't get drunk with wine. Obviously, he's talking about actual wine and alcohol here, that we shouldn't get drunk with it. But he's going beyond that. I think the wine represents something more than that. It's anything that we turn to that we're we're coping with the world around us. Anything we're using to escape the world, anything that we're doing that's gonna make us feel more alive, or anything that's gonna numb any discomfort or pain that we might have. He's saying, let's don't let's not live in that way. If we're gonna make the most use of the time, if we're gonna walk the way that God has called us to walk, as wise people, not as unwise people, then let's not be drunk with wine, but instead, let's be filled by the Spirit. Let's live lives where we're filled by the Spirit, where the Spirit is influencing every decision that we make, every detail of our lives. He influences our behavior and our actions and our desires. Now, the word here, be filled, is actually a present tense verb. It's an ongoing, continuous action. It literally would read, keep being filled. It's a continuous action, not a one-time event. And so Paul's serious here. He's talking to this church in Ephesus and he's saying, hey, it's not just about the biblical knowledge. It's not just about more information, but it's actually living it out. It's about living wise, making the most use of the time, because the days are evil. Don't be drunk with wine, which leads to reckless living, but instead be filled by the Spirit. That's what we're called to do. And so with our time remaining, I want to get really, really practical and talk about how do we live out this whole idea of managing the technology that we have in our lives. Again, we want to rule over technology, not have technology rule over us. And so I want to talk about what a rule of life. Now, if you've been around Church at the Grow for a little while, you maybe have heard us talk about a rule of life. But if not, if you're new or maybe you have only been here for a short time and you haven't heard us talk about this, a rule of life is simply a pattern of shared habits intended to shape a community in the love of God. That's all that it is. It actually has its biblical origins in the book of Daniel. If you know the story of Daniel, he's taken to this nation of Babylon. He's this exile that's living in an enemy nation, but yet he's continuing to live out a rule of life. He's continuing to live out a way of life in regular rhythms and practices. He's only eating certain food. He's praying at certain times of day, and the community that's around him is following that same practice in those same rhythms. And what's happening is it's shaping them in the love of God. This idea of a rule of life really became big in the third and fourth century and then became really popular in the sixth century with the rule of Benedict, which many people will still live by the rules that he created to this day. But this rule is not a law, but really you can think of the rule more of a as a rhythm. That's what it is. It's a rhythm that we use that helps order the time and it helps us shape the desires and ultimately grow us in our relationship with God and in the love of God. And I believe that the rule of life isn't just something that we need with like how we approach scripture and prayer and Sabbath and worship and giving, like all of those things should be a part of the rule of life that we have because they're instrumental in our spiritual formation and shaping us in the love of God. But we also need something for our digital lives. We need to have a digital rule of life, regular rhythms about how we manage technology in our lives. And here's what this shows us is that our faith is not just a personal faith, but it's a communal faith. What if we created a regular digital rule of life together? That we were making some of the same practices and some of the same sacrifices and we were doing some of the same actions, and it wasn't just shaping us personally, that it wasn't just shaping our family, but it was actually shaping our community, that it was a communal faith that we're living out. And so I want to share just a list of things real briefly, kind of rapid fire this morning of some practices that maybe you and your family can put into place to help shape and create a digital rule of life. And I just believe that God will use that in powerful ways when we give that to Him. So here are some of the things that maybe you should consider for your digital rule of life. First is this is designate tech-free zones. Have areas of the house and have times of the day that are just tech-free times. Many experts will talk about how bedrooms should be designated tech-free zones. That includes married couples, but it also and especially includes kids. That we should not have screens in our bedrooms because it's just not healthy for us. It's not good for us, ruins intimacy for us. And so bedrooms could be one of those tech-free zones. I can remember going to restaurants uh when I was younger, and it looked like this. Uh there were ashtrays on the table, and there was a smoking section and a non-smoking section. And so you get to pick, and there really wasn't a wall or divider. It didn't really matter if you were in the non-smoking section or the smoking section, it was all going to be smoky in the restaurant that you were a part of. Um but I think back now and how foreign a picture like this looks. Um we we don't think of smoking and non-smoking restaurants in many of the restaurants that we go to today. It's it's been outlawed. It's it's no longer really even available to us in our community at least. But what if the dinner table was also a place that was a tech-free zone? I went out to with some friends um last night and we went to a hockey game and went to dinner before, and I'm looking around the restaurant and I'm looking at all these tables and these families and friends that are gathered together, and it looks a lot like this. It's families that are sitting around the dinner table and they're just staring at screens and devices, and they're not even interacting with one another. What if this was like smoking back in the 80s and early 90s, um, where it's now kind of seen as a crazy thought that you would go into a restaurant and have a smoking and non-smoking section? What if we had tech-free zones at the dinner table in the restaurants that we attend? What if we actually had meaningful conversations with one another instead of staring at devices? Do you know that Harvard University did a study and they said that one of the most impactful things you can do, in fact, here's the quote: regular family dinners are associated with lower rates of depression and anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, tobacco use, and early teenage pregnancy. It also leads to higher rates of resilience and higher self-esteem. They say that one of the most important things, one of the most valuable rhythms that you can have in your family's life, is to have tech-free, screen-free, intentional dinners where you're looking at one another across the dinner table. And when we do that, it leads to all kinds of good things and it limits and minimizes the bad things that oftentimes plague our people and our young families. Um, one of the other things you might want to put into a rule of life is simply this to use the do not disturb. Only check notifications at certain times. Again, we don't want to be mastered by our phones and our devices. Instead, we want to master and rule over them. And one of the ways we do that is that we have do not disturb. If some of you guys remember Pavlo's dogs, when he they heard the bell, their mouths would begin to salvate, right? And they would begin to drool because they knew that the bell was associated with the food. Well, this is how notifications work. Every time a notification goes off, we hear a ding or it buzzes in our pocket, there's something within us, there's a little bit of a dopamine rush in our minds, and we want to pull that out and experience those notifications. But what if we said, hey, we're not going to be disturbed? We're going to rule over our devices instead of our devices ruling over us. We might not be as available. We might not be able to text immediately back. We might miss a few phone calls and we might have to return them later. And I apologize, I'm really bad about that at some times. But using do not disturb is so helpful in managing our technology instead of our technology managing us. One other thing we can do is create a digital Sabbath. Sabbath is something that's commanded in Scripture. It's something that God's people are told to live out. It's taking a day, a week to unplug, to rest, to reset, to focus our mind and our attention and our hearts on God. But what if we also took a digital Sabbath? A set time where we were removing our devices, we were putting them in a drawer. We were kind of just backing away from them so that we could focus on what really matters. Andy Crouch is someone that lives this out really well. He wrote this. He said, We are designed for a rhythm of work and rest. So one hour a day, one day a week, and one week a year, we turn off our devices and worship, feast, play, and rest together. Technology is in its proper place when it helps us bond with the real people we have been given to love. Man, think about that. If if one hour a day, one hour a day you were removed from your phone or your device and tech. What if one day a week you didn't have that? It was a digital Sabbath. And what if you had it like one week a year where you went on vacation and there was no laptops or screens or phones, but you were just able to focus on the people that were right in front of you? Man, that would change your relationships in so many ways. We might also want to consider replacing the morning scroll with the morning word. So instead of the first thing you do is picking up your phone and scrolling through social media or looking at a news app or the weather or whatever it might be, what if instead of doing that, you picked up the word? You picked up the scriptures and you read a chapter or a few chapters or meditated on one or two verses and just really tried to internalize them? How would that change your life? How would that shape your mind? How would that renew your heart if we replaced the morning scroll with the morning word? What if we also replaced mindless consumption with mindful prayer? So instead of just randomly doom scrolling our phones up and down all day long, what if we replaced that habit with just mindful prayer? Where we sat in the silence, we opened up our hearts and our minds to God, we listened for his voice. Man, if we did that with the scripture and we did that with prayer, man, it would revolutionize our lives. I think we could actually live out what Philippians 4 says. It says, Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Man, what if we replaced the morning scroll with the morning word? And what if we replaced mindless consumption with mindful prayer? Man, we could experience the peace of God in our lives. Man, wouldn't it be great to have the peace of God? To not have a life that's full of anxiety, a life that's full of stress and depression and all the other emotions that come with it, but instead a life that is marked by the peace of God. Man, that would be incredible. What if we replaced artificial community with real community? This is a little bit of a commercial for community groups which have kicked off. The weather has kind of prevented some of our groups from meeting, but man, if you're not in a group, get in a group. But what if we we replaced the social media relationships that we have with real in-person relationships? Instead of spending hours a day scrolling on Instagram or TikTok and looking at sites and people's uh uh feeds uh that we don't even know, but we're following from a distance? What if instead of that we actually met somebody for coffee? We had dinner, we had families over, we went and took in a ball game together, we went and watched a movie together, but we were actually doing things together with other people. What if we were showing up at people's houses once a week and we were eating together and praying together and reading scripture together? Man, that would change and revolutionize our lives. And if you're not in a community group, you can sign up. We got the links. Go to our website, you can find out more information about the groups and sign up for one. But but replacing artificial community with real community. Not being so focused on the screen, but being focused in the persons, people that are right in front of us, face to face. We can also set screen limits. Um you can do this on your phone. I'm not sure about how to do that on Android devices, but on Apple devices, it's pretty easy. You have a little passcode, you can set how much time you want to spend on certain apps, and when you get to the end of that time frame, it just cuts off and you can't watch it anymore. Now there's way to ways to bypass that for sure, but get somebody else to put the passcode in for you so you can't bypass it. But set screen time limits, which helps protect you. I use a little device called a brick, and it's something that hangs on our refrigerator, and when I tap my phone to it, it bricks my phone, and so I can't use certain apps at all until I come back and tap my phone to the refrigerator again, and then it will unbrick my phone. I'm telling you, I think it was like 30 bucks, but it's been a game changer in how I manage technology in my life. And so if that's something you're interested in, I'd love to talk to you about it more. But the brick is awesome. Um now let's talk about parents for a second. Families have a hard time with technology. Um, in fact, when we got up today and I was saying that uh I had to go over to the church and I had to record this message for uh the end of our digital fast series. Our kids were like, no, digital fast, like where it's a snow day, we want to watch a movie. And so listen, I get it as a parent that it's really hard to manage technology. I get that. But we have an obligation to our kids to help them manage technology well, to set a good example of what it looks like to manage technology well, and then to live that out together. And so there's a great book, I know I've mentioned it almost every week of this series, called The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. But in that he does tons and tons of research, and he's not writing from a faith perspective, but really he's just writing from uh scientific, sociological kind of studies that he's done. And he came up with a list of, I think, five things uh that he recommends for parents in the use of technology, especially with their young kids and teenagers. And let me just say before we get into this list, teenagers don't hate me. Um if you're watching this, please don't hate me. You might disagree with everything I'm about to say, but please understand that I'm doing this out of a heart of love and I want what's best for you. Not what's normal, not what's easy, but what's best for you. And also, parents, as we go through this list, you might think it's weird some of the things that he suggests. But listen, we don't want to be weird in 2026, we don't want to be normal in 2026. Normal, again, is spending eight hours a day on our phones, 87 days a year, 21 years of our lives. We want to be weird. We want to be holy, we want to stand out from the world around us. So here's some of the things that he recommends. Um, he says that there should be no smartphones before the age of 14. Um, I know some people push back against that and they say, well, I've got to get in touch with my kids. Um, they're at school, they're they have practice after school, I've got to be able to get in touch with them. What if they need me? Totally understand. The key in this is smartphones. You can give them a flip phone. There are other parental friendly devices that are out there. There's smart watches that have no internet access. There's bark phones and gab phones and pinwheels that you can look into, and you can get your kid a device that doesn't have access to the internet, that limits the text that they receive and who they can receive. Receive them from, that limits who they can call and who they can receive calls from. But we've got to m make sure that our kids aren't getting smartphones before they're ready to get smartphones. He says that 14 is kind of the base. So if you can even wait for longer than that, that's better. But 14 is kind of the bare minimum to wait when it comes to smartphone usage. He also says that there should be no social media before 16. Social media apps have uh kind of age limits, but oftentimes those are bypassed. But kids' minds and brains are still forming. And before they get to the age of 16, they're trying to figure out their identity, they're psychologically developing, their neurons aren't firing all correctly yet. And they're trying to navigate the world and what their place is in the world. And when they're consumed by social media, they're having the world around them tell them who they are and who they should be instead of actually listening to the real voices that love and care for them and that want the best for them. And so we can't outsource our identity formation to social media, but instead we have to intentionally design it and help form our kids' minds. And so no social media before the age of 16. Also, uh phone-free schools, I know that we can't help this altogether. The state of Georgia has passed laws that uh help help schools and mandate that schools uh limit the use of phones in the classroom. But all the research points to uh declining academic uh achievement because phones have been introduced into the schools. Uh it's not just academics, though, it's everyone's social connections where people aren't engaging in talking with one another, but instead they're on their devices. And so we as parents can help our schools by either not sending our kids with phones to school or by limiting like the time or the hours that they use them and monitoring when they're using them at school and making sure that they're not taking advantage of those. Um we can also encourage more free play. Um of the things that he makes out in his book is that uh parents um have become more fearful about letting their kids have free play. They're more helicopter parents, they want to know where their kids are at all the time. When I was younger, we got got on our bikes, we weren't around the neighborhood, we were at friends' house, and my parents knew that we were somewhere, but they didn't quite know where we were going to be, and they couldn't get in touch with us a lot of times if they needed to. But that's all changed in our world today. We've become more fearful of free play, where our kids are just sent out and develop independence and working together and experience boredom, but that's where creativity is formed. And instead we've handed them devices that are oftentimes more dangerous, but we give them more freedom in the devices rather than in free play and letting them have independence outside in the rest of the world. And so we can encourage more uh free play, not just a digital childhood, but something that's uh embracing boredom and creativity. That's where people really are formed. And then finally, parental controls and dialogue. There are tons of parental controls that you can set up on phones and devices, take advantage of those, read up on them. But I'll just be honest, teenagers especially are really good at getting around parental controls. And so the most important thing that you can do as a parent when it comes to helping your family and your kids succeed with technology is the dialogue. It's having open conversations, it's being engaged, it's knowing where your kid is in those things, asking really good questions. If your kids see something online or has questions about something, that you don't want them to feel ashamed or or push back or not want to come to you, you want them to come to you first. And so open the lines of dialogue with your kids, especially around the topic of technology. And let me just say as a side note, that when it comes to their phones and it comes to their devices or iPads or whatever device they might have, there is absolutely no such thing as privacy. You love your kids more than that. You've got to be willing to be able to just grab your kid's phone at any time and look at whatever you want, and they have to be okay with that. You want your kids to like you, I get it, but you also are called to steward your child's heart and to make sure that they're going down the pathway that God has called them to and not down a pathway that the culture has set for them. And so we've got to be intentional about this. We've got to be people that rule over technology instead of technology ruling over us. And that's what this whole series has been about. It's not just a social experiment, it's not just to see kind of what our relationship with technology is, but it's really been a series all about how we can rule over technology instead of technology ruling over us. And so I think it's interesting that we're at home today watching this video and this message together. And I don't know when you're watching this or how you're watching this or who you're watching this with, but in my mind, I'm I have this kind of hope that families are watching this message together. And what if, when this message is over in just a few moments, what if you had conversations and you begin to think about how you and your family could create a digital rule of life that would help manage technology, but more than that, they would help shape you and your family to become more like Jesus, to grow in the way of love, to be more like Christ. And so, in a few moments, when we close this out, I'm gonna pray and we're gonna be done. Take some time. Talk about this with your kids. Whether they're five years old or 15 years old or 20 years old. It maybe you are an empty nest situation and it's just you and your spouse. Man, spend some time talking about it with your spouse. Maybe you live all by yourself. Man, sit down with a piece of paper and begin to jot out how you can create a digital rule of life. And maybe you want to include some of the things that I talked about this morning, and maybe there's things that you've thought about that maybe I didn't mention, but let's be a people that are living intentionally. Let's rule over technology instead of technology ruling over us. Let me pray for us. Lord Jesus, I thank you so much for today. And Lord, I do thank you for just technology and just the opportunity we have with technology to even do what we're doing right now. To be together digitally online in each other's homes, hearing a message, hearing from you. And so we're thankful. But Lord, we also know that technology has a way of grabbing a hold of our hearts. And we don't want to be mastered by the culture and technology, but instead, Lord, we want to use technology for your good, for our good and for your glory. And so, Lord, would you help us now to create a digital rule of life? Help us to be able to manage technology instead of technology managing us. And so, even right now, Lord, I pray that you would just give us incredible wisdom and guidance to know what we need to do and what we don't need to do. Lord, help us to hear your voice and what you're calling us into. And Lord, let us just simply follow your lead. We want to be your people. We don't want to be normal in 2026, Lord. We want to be your people. We want to be set apart. We want to be holy. We want to make the most use of the time that we have been given to live as wise people, not as unwise people. To not be drunk with wine, which leads to reckless living, but instead be filled by the Spirit. And so, Lord, help us to walk that out. Help us to live out what you're calling us to live out on a daily basis. And so, Lord, we thank you again for just who you are, for what you're doing in our lives. And I pray that you would be with us as we continue throughout today and this weekend. And uh, Lord, you keep us safe and warm. But Lord, help our hearts to be focused on you more than anything. We love you, Jesus. And it's in your name we pray. Amen.