We Used To Be Cool
We Used to Be Cool is a podcast designed to encourage and equip parents of pre-teens and teens. Hosted by Student Pastor, Thomas Shepard, and Student Ministry Coordinator, Tiffany Krestel, each episode dives into real-life parenting topics such as managing conflict, why words matter, navigating phones and social media, anxiety and depression, sex, staying relevant in your student's life, and much more. Whether you're looking for practical wisdom, biblical encouragement, or simply a reminder that you're not parenting alone, this podcast is for you!
We Used To Be Cool
Words Matter!
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Alrighty, welcome back to the We Used to Be Cool podcast. I am the student pastor here at Waypoint Curry. Thomas Shepherd joined with the one and only Tiffany Crestel.
SPEAKER_01Hey there.
SPEAKER_00The applause. That's a standing ovation, Billy.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that I love that. Thank you. I'm honored.
SPEAKER_00Um well this is our second episode.
SPEAKER_01Here we go.
SPEAKER_00Season one, episode two. Yes. Gotta love it. Um if you have not listened to our first episode, um, it's all about being relevant in your kids' lives. We do a little bit more of an in-depth introduction of the two of us. But if this is your first time tuning in, that's okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, check that out though, because it was a great one to record.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. And so I've been working here at Waypoint for three years, have a beautiful wife, Corey, who's a middle school counselor, have my son, he's gonna be three in October.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_00Uh named Titus, and been in student ministry for 15 years. That's that's the the quick intro since there's a more in-depth one, but give us a quick intro about you.
SPEAKER_01Sure. So again, it's Tiffany Krestel, and I've been the Waypoint Student Ministry Coordinator for the past two years. I'm married to Kevin, 22 years. Yeah, me too. I've got two kiddos. I've got Nathan, who is 17 and a senior, and Nora, who is 15 and a sophomore.
SPEAKER_00They're getting too old.
SPEAKER_01They are and too tall, also.
SPEAKER_00It goes by so fast.
SPEAKER_01It does. Just wait, Thomas.
SPEAKER_00Man, well, we of course are doing a parent podcast. That's you know really what it's for. But if you're not a parent, that's okay. Like we hope that this is a blessing to you.
SPEAKER_01Aunts, uncles, grandparents. Yeah, doesn't matter. If you got a kid in your life, this is for you.
SPEAKER_00And even like even though obviously them this will be most relevant for parents, I do think throughout all of our episodes that we have planned to do, everything to a degree is relevant.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yes, it's applicable for sure.
SPEAKER_00So uh that's just kind of important to know. And also, um, I don't know about you, but I do not have a PhD in parenting.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, no, I do not either.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Uh on the job training.
SPEAKER_01On the job training. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh I have been in student ministry for fift fifteen years and a parent for almost three. Did foster care for a while too. So there there's a little bit, but I don't think there is anyone in the world that has a PhD in parenting.
SPEAKER_01No. No. The Lord.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, the Lord. Yeah, the only perfect father there is.
SPEAKER_01Amen. So speaking of not having a PhD, that means we are full of different stories of kind of some humble parenting fails, right? Fall on your face. Yeah, I've got so many, but here's the one for this episode, okay? So um, yeah, I have a very vivid memory of this. I hate that one. I it feels like it was yesterday. Oh, yeah. But Nathan was about six years old and I was bringing groceries in from the garage. Had my, I had an SUV and the trunk of the car was up, and I'm bringing stuff in. And I told Nathan, like, hey, don't close the garage door, buddy. Um, mommy's bringing stuff in still. Well, I like to think that he he meant no ill will here, but I think he thought I was done. And he pushes the garage door button and it's closing. I'm in the kitchen and I hear it closing. I'm like, ah, so I go running out, and sure enough, the garage door closes on my trunk car, gets mangled into it. The garage door is ruined. My car trunk is ruined, and I lose it. I absolutely lose it. And I was so mad at him. That whole James 119, you know, be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry. That was right out the window. I lost my cool. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00We're gonna revisit that verse too. Yeah, with this one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's a great one for this episode.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. I would 100% have been the same way. But you said Nathan was six.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, a little different.
SPEAKER_00That was 11 years ago.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and it seems like yesterday.
SPEAKER_00Man.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, I also I I've only been parenting for three years, but I have stacks on stacks of still have some stories, yeah. Um, but mine actually has to do with the topic of this episode.
SPEAKER_01Very fitting.
SPEAKER_00And so our our episode for today is words matter. Um, you know, last time was about being relevant in your kids' life, but this time we really wanted to focus on the power and the devastation of words and and how deeply they matter, like to us, to our children, to the people around us. And so my quick parenting fail is that of course we're in that stage of where it's like monkey see, monkey do. Oh, yeah, that's you you say something, he repeats it incessantly. Oh yeah. And I am always getting in trouble for the things that I say at home because I'm sarcastic, I make jokes all the time. And Corey's like, you have to stop.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, when you got a toddler listening, oh yeah, you gotta watch it.
SPEAKER_00And I'm sure I was being irritating to Corey because then she responded, I don't remember every piece of the story, but she said something else, and then I'm like, You're a psychopath.
SPEAKER_01Oh, oh, wow.
SPEAKER_00And it was meant to be like a funny, I'm not actually calling my wife a psychopath.
SPEAKER_01Just you're acting nutty, honey.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I do enjoy my life. Right, yes.
SPEAKER_01You don't want her to take it from you.
SPEAKER_00No. Uh, but then of course, immediately my two and a half year old like psychopath, psychopath, mommy's psychopath.
SPEAKER_01Mommy's a psychopath.
SPEAKER_00Oh, and it was kind of alarming how well he said that. Like everything else, you're like, what are you saying?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, just this one rolled right off the tongue. This completely understandable.
SPEAKER_00Right off the tongue. Thankfully, he doesn't say it really anymore.
SPEAKER_01I'm glad you broke him up that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Mm-hmm. Um but it's it's definitely up there. And yeah, that's words, words matter.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and that's a great example of it. Speaking of words, right? We talked last time about how these kids have this ever-changing lingo. And so it's super fun to do like a word of the day. Uh so yeah, so we're So what is it? What is it this time? Today is LARPing.
SPEAKER_00LARPing.
SPEAKER_01LARPing.
SPEAKER_00So here's what I know LARPing to be. Okay. And it is when you dress up as like a fantasy knight, uh-huh. And you have like a sword and shield and you role play.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Where you're like like fighting other people dressed up.
SPEAKER_01Right. It technically LARPing, it stands for live action role playing. So exactly what we're talking about.
SPEAKER_00So that's the actual definition of the thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and that's not what they mean, right? Of course, right? So what they mean is just being fake, trying to be someone or something you're not. And so, as an example, I thought, well, how would Thomas LARP? And here's what I thought of. I'm like, I could see you renting like a really fancy car, like a Bugatti or something. You probably can't even rent one of those, but no, uh, and you're LARPing as a billionaire as you're like driving around town in this car and people think, Whoa, he must be loaded. You're just LARPing, LARPing as a millionaire. Billionaire.
SPEAKER_00I will never understand. Actually, you know what? I take that back. Last week's word was unk. Yes. I didn't understand that. Yeah. Because it's like you're just taking the UNC out of uncool.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00But like LARPing, I'll give them some credit. Yeah. It kind of makes sense a little bit.
SPEAKER_01You can kind of see the jump there. Yeah. Yeah. So I definitely works. So feel free to use that in your daily.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So if you're if your kid's acting the fool, you know, and is not acting like themselves, you can just be like, you know, dude, Titus, you're LARPing today.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you're LARPing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And then they'll stop saying it.
SPEAKER_01That's right. They will. As soon as you start, they'll be like, it's not that word's unk, so I'm gonna stop using it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. My advice is actually don't don't use their words. They'll Yeah, but let them keep it. Yeah. And you know, as we as we go through each episode, we have these segments, and our first segment we always like really want to sit in and hit on a little bit is the how not to parent. Um, you know, how not to, you know, interact with our kids in specific ways. And um, obviously, there's so much that we can learn from the what to do.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00But sometimes we can learn just as much as the what not to do. And this first one I have, Tiffany, might be incredibly obvious. Okay. But unfortunately, I think almost every single person either currently struggles with it or has and probably will struggle with it.
SPEAKER_01Okay, give it to us.
SPEAKER_00Don't speak before you think.
SPEAKER_01Uh uh. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I yes, I need that advice.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I need to grow in this significantly. Right. But like Matthew 12, 34 says, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. And so it's like whenever you're just talking without actually processing what you're saying, what you're thinking through, um, that's what's in your heart.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I'm thinking back to my example with Nathan. Like I had a wicked heart when I was tearing him apart after he made that mistake.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, when we're, I mean, we're all naturally sinful people. And so it's just it it is easy to spit things out that we say we don't mean, or it's like, no, that's not what I wanted to say. And it's like, well, you said it's what you said. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's out there. And I and I think of also, you know, we're we're so quick to retaliate to people or quick to anger. Right, right. You know, and we and we just say things. And then a phrase that I genuinely believe Satan came up with is sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I remember hearing that in elementary school. Oh yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like like you typically think about that with bullies. You you think about that in circumstances where it being called names and everything else. But even in like parenting, we we think up of like, you know, I just said that. Like stick, like words aren't gonna hurt you. Like sticks and stones.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's gonna really hurt.
SPEAKER_00That's gonna hurt you, but you know, words are not gonna hurt you. And and I genuinely believe that Satan came up with that lie. I can't prove it. Okay, but the reason why we'll give him the credit. Yeah, the reason why I believe that is because your bruises, your your broken bones, all of those things, those heal over time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But man, words have this like lasting impact.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_00Both when you say them, like going back to your story, right? Like that's 11-year-old story. Yeah. Still hurts me. Yeah. And and like that's something that you did. But then in the same way, when other people say things to us, like it it just has this like lasting, heartfelt sting. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You can forgive it, but you can't forget it. I mean, it leaves an impression.
SPEAKER_00And the thing is, is like words can just last so much longer than we think. And our words, they shape identity, they build co confidence, they welcome and invite people, they show and express love and continue on, but then it also has the negative effect where it can create fear, discourage people, like you know, leave internal scars in your life. And so words matter.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they sure do. And it's important to remember that your kids are listening to you. So granted, maybe not, you know, when you want them to, they might have that selective hearing. They won't hear you, you know, when you ask them to clean their room or they listen a lot more than you think. This is true, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And especially to the negative stuff.
SPEAKER_01Uh oh, yeah, they pick up on that real quick. Yeah. So even you, even when you don't realize it, right? You got to be careful that you're not saying things in the open that you don't want them to repeat, kind of like with your Titus example, right?
SPEAKER_00And they and they will repeat you.
SPEAKER_01Uh they will, yeah. And so, you know, and also it it could almost force them to shape an opinion of someone, right? I mean, I've got an unfortunate example, like uh without too many details, but just like if you're talking about someone and your kids over here, it might shape their opinion of that person and then they might get defensive towards that person. And you know, so I think of that Ephesians 4 29. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, which is so good. And I think about that, like I grew up with three older brothers, and so building up talk, yeah, very rare.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I bet so.
SPEAKER_00It it was far more, and like we would always say that like our love language is tearing each other down. It's your love language. Making fun of each other, like giving each other a hard time. And there's it it's hard to say this. Like, there's a little bit of truth of like when you're such close friends, when you're siblings and things like that, like there can be a loving aspect of giving someone a hard time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but I'm thinking the gift is words of affirmation, not words of destruction. Destruction. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And we also like can use that as an excuse to be like, oh, well, like they know I love them because I make fun of them. And it's like, or you could start building them up instead.
SPEAKER_01Yes, that would mean a lot more.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah. And and I'm I'm gonna have to be very cautious of that because that is like uh my personality growing up with three brothers, right? And having a son.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Titus may be getting that.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and so I have to be I'm gonna have to be very careful with how I because I I'm already like when he does something ridiculous, I'm like, you're crazy, dude.
SPEAKER_01Like what are you doing? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um but words matter, but words matter, everything at all ages. You know, and and I also thought of like in terms of the what not to do, and and we we typically we try to pair these things with scripture, and of course I didn't I didn't pair my first one with scripture because or or no, yeah, I did, I did Matthew 12, 34. Um what am I even saying? No, definitely. No, because you don't have a verse for this one. I don't I don't have a verse, and but the reason why is like out of the past 15 years of working with students, I've just seen this be destructive over and over and over again. Um and and so the main point that I want to share of like what not to do is don't label your kid.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's good. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And obviously, like, yeah, there's not a scripture that says, hey, don't say this about you know someone. Um but like when you are saying you are lazy, you are dramatic, you are difficult, like those are identity labels that they attach on to. And and so even just adding or subtracting a couple of words into a sentence makes all the difference.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00And so like sometimes your kids are gonna act lazy.
SPEAKER_01Act lazy.
SPEAKER_00And and so you have to say, like, hey, you curr currently your behavior, you're really acting lazy. Um it's that's a shift.
SPEAKER_01It is you are lazy to your acting.
SPEAKER_00Acting lazy, yeah. It's like you're and and they might be a lazy person. Right. But if you say you are lazy, then they're gonna take that label on and they're gonna live that label out.
SPEAKER_01Yep, don't own that.
SPEAKER_00But it's not even just the negative labels that you need to avoid. You also need to avoid the positive ones.
SPEAKER_01Okay, unpack that.
SPEAKER_00So I'm thinking of like you are the athletic one, you are the smart one, you are the easy kid. Oh, yeah. So I I think of these and you might be like, well, what's wrong with putting a positive label? Right? Well, a few things. One, what if they don't live up to that label? Right.
SPEAKER_01It's a lot of pressure. Yeah. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00Like, what if they start out in athletics early on, but then their passions and desires shift away. Yeah. And and now they think that they need to stay in things that they don't enjoy anymore. Because who they are. Who they are. Yeah. And and the stuff that we do is not how we're defined.
SPEAKER_01Right, right.
SPEAKER_00I love that. And I think that's the the biggest one. Like, even in in academics, like if we're telling our kids, like, oh yeah, that's my smart kid, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, hey, do you have other kids? Right.
SPEAKER_01How do they feel about that comment?
SPEAKER_00Like, what is that communicating?
SPEAKER_01Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Because like being the hard part is is like being intelligent to me is not just about knowing stuff and like knowing information. Right. Um, like car mechanics and stuff like that, like there's many of them that don't have degrees, way smarter than me. Yeah, right. And and so like there you start to like label certain people and and things get messy. But also, I think, and so many people have done this, is when you label your kid like the easy kid, the hard kid, and so forth. I'd actually asked our associate student minister Logan, has two of the very best parents.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Summer and Ray. Oh, yeah. Let's give them a shout out.
SPEAKER_00I love Ray and Summer. And they have done such a fabulous job in terms of like modeling how to raise kids. They have four awesome kids still working on Sylvia.
SPEAKER_01Um yeah, we love you, Sophie.
SPEAKER_00But but they are they're in but Ray and Summer will say they have their mistakes, their flaws, all of that. But but one of the ones is like Logan, our now associate student minister, he was the easy kid. And so then when Logan went through a period of time of his life where he struggled with depression, struggled with like suicidal thoughts, he never wanted to bring that to his mom or his dad.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Because then he would no longer be the easy kid.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. That is tough. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So it's like when you're when you're labeling your kids, it can put them in a box that they don't belong to.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00And it can also like keep them from actually being who they're supposed to be.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Or having vulnerable, honest conversations with you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it can have the adverse effect of what you think it's having. So yeah, and I've been really intentional about this lately, about not saying to my kids like, you are prideful, but really thinking before I speak and saying, you are acting prideful. Yeah, that's good. You know, and then just speaking of pride, something I thought about is don't be so prideful that you cannot apologize to your kids.
SPEAKER_00Amen. Right?
SPEAKER_01Some adults would not consider apologizing to a child. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So both of like my mom and stepdad have been passed away for several years. But I don't know if I've ever received an apology from either one of my parents growing up. Wow. Like for anything.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I'm not surprised to hear that. It's not as common as I would like to think.
SPEAKER_00And there's a lot of things that they should have.
SPEAKER_01And I mean, it's a great example, right? To teach them humility and uh how to apologize properly and seek forgiveness and reconciliation. And yeah, I've just spoken to so many parents who it wasn't modeled for them, so therefore they don't do it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know, for their kids. It doesn't even occur to them. So and I'm not just talking like saying, I'm sorry, right? Um, but owning your words, owning your actions, right? And and just acknowledging that you've done or said something to hurt someone, ask them, do you forgive me? Right. And for what? Right. And then on it, why? Like what is what is it you're asking forgiveness for? And um, I was kind of thinking about how it just makes me think of that Colossians 3, 8 through 10. But now you must put them all away. Anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. So we need to take off this is what I've done and put on this is what I should have done, right? Oh, yeah. So, and that's our goal, sanctification, right? Take off the old self, put on the new self as we seek to reflect Christ. So we can do that with our words.
SPEAKER_00And it's I I think you said this too, in that how do we expect our kids to do that if we don't model.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Yeah. They're not just gonna know how. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And it's like, because we're obviously gonna be able to pinpoint all the mistakes our kids make.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00And and how they respond, the things that they say. Like it is always easier to pinpoint and point out the mistakes of others. Yes. And especially our kids, because we're very vigilant and watching them. Right. However, if we aren't appropriately modeling things for them, yeah.
SPEAKER_01They're not gonna know how to do it. No. So never. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, I I think I honestly think in terms of like how not to parent and pairing that with words matter, we could go for a few hours.
SPEAKER_01Oh, we could. Because I was just saying, I'll just touch on this, but I was just thinking, not just apologizing, but like not just the words you choose, but the tone, right? Yeah. Like you'd be like, I'm sorry. That does not carry as much weight as a sincere I am sorry. Please forgive me.
SPEAKER_00The words that you say like in your story when you get angry, like being slow to speak, slow to anger, like um how how your sarcasm, I mean, there's just a list that goes on and on. And words truly matter.
SPEAKER_01They do.
SPEAKER_00And we need to not be careless with them, but genuinely care about what comes out of our mouth. I think too often we just throw words out there and and then expect people not to be hurt by 'em.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Not to make a big deal out of them. Like for anything. And and I'm gonna I'm gonna give Cory a little bit of a hard time.
SPEAKER_01Uh-oh.
SPEAKER_00Because she is a blunt, upfront person.
SPEAKER_01That she is.
SPEAKER_00Now she has she's done a 180 on this perspective uh since the time we've been married, but she used to say things to me that like legitimately hurt my feelings. Oh. And then her response was, I'm sorry that that hurt your feelings.
SPEAKER_01Oh. Like But you that's on you.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Like it was it was my popping up. Yeah, it was about my reception to the words that needed to be corrected, not her words that were said.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. That's kind of a backdoor apology, isn't it? Yes. I'm sorry for what I did, but sorry you feel that way.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And it wasn't just towards me, like her her entire mindset. Was I'm speaking the truth, uh-huh, deal with it. Yeah, and then you need to change how you receive the truth. Yeah. Oh. And and she's not alone in that. There's a lot of people.
SPEAKER_01Oh absolutely. Yeah. Um but she's gotten better, you said.
SPEAKER_00Oh yes. Okay, great. Yes. And not only has she gotten better in general, but if I look at her, now she says, she knows.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's like, okay, yeah. Yeah. And which is funny because I've also done a 180 on both how to receive and also like communicate. Okay, yeah, that's good. Because hopefully the longer you're married, the more you're merging, you know, into those personalities.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So it it is. It's like you you have to genuinely care about everything that comes out of your mouth. Because not only do words have all of that power, but like you also are sharing truth. Right. Like you're you're sharing words of affirmation and encouragement. And the number one thing that is going to help you in both how not to parent and how to parent is scripture.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And that actually, I know our next uh section here is biblical parenting, and that kind of leads right into what I was thinking about for biblical parenting is verse memorization is so very important. And just one of my key verses is Psalm 141, 3, set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth, keep watch over the door of my lips, right? So back to your point of thinking before you speak, right? And ever since my kids could speak, uh, when they would use unkind or hurtful words, I would always recite this litany of questions to them. I bet they could recite it today, but when they would say something hurtful, I would say, you need to ask yourself before saying something. Do my words build up or tear down? Are my words encouraging or discouraging? What is my heart motive behind it? Does it need to be said? Will I regret saying it? You know, like those are some questions you can ask yourself before you speak them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I I love all of those. I really love the last one. Will I regret saying it? Yeah. And and then I think it's also the like, if no, why not?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00If yes, why? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like they're good follow-up questions for sure.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Cause there is such a like, no, I'm not gonna regret saying this. They're gonna regret me saying this. Right.
SPEAKER_01Um And maybe in the moment you don't think you'll regret it, but if you are slow to anger and slow to speak, you'll realize, oh yeah, yeah, I would regret this.
SPEAKER_00I also think too, when we have that mindset of thinking before we speak, um, we also think about the jokes that we say, not just in terms of making fun of, but like what's appropriate to say around certain people. Yeah. Um like the the gosh, I I have a thousand thoughts of like how you're filtering your brain while you're talking. And it's not, it's not just jokes, it's all entertainment. It's I mean, just everything. Right. You start to care about every little detail that is coming out of your mouth when you just stop and think, okay, how do I need to do this based upon scripture? Right.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And and it it makes a big difference.
SPEAKER_01It sure does. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And and I think too, like, going with that, you know, we need to understand that there are thousands and honestly, hundreds of thousands of voices that are fighting for the attention of our kids every day.
SPEAKER_02Yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like, let alone social media. Like, we could only spend all this time talking about social media. Right. But then there's other other kids and yep, there's friends, there's teachers and classmates, there's music and television, uh, you know, there's influencers from all the platforms and so forth, and and etc. Yeah. Like books, like you name it, there are people trying to get the attention with words of your children.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Speaking of life. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00As a parent, your voice should be the loudest voice of truth in their life.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because words don't just communicate information, they're not just how you talk back and forth, they shape identity.
SPEAKER_01They do. Yes.
SPEAKER_00And if we are not intentionally speaking truth into our kids' life, someone else will. And it probably isn't truth.
SPEAKER_01That's right. I love your point. Intentionally speaking truth.
SPEAKER_00Yes. And it's like, this is where words matter so deeply because it's not just about like thinking before you speak in terms of like how you're responding to them. When you get angry, what are you saying? When you're sad, what are you saying? Like it we're not just saying that. Yeah. Like now it's like, how are you intentionally using your words to speak truth to them? Right. Um, because I'm this is a a true pet peeve of mine, and unfortunately, it happens far more in our ministry than not. Most parents drop their kids off and say, Hey, disciple my kids.
SPEAKER_01Yes, unfortunately.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. The amount of like meetings I have with parents that are like, hey, my kid is doing this, my kid is doing that, and and I need you to fix them.
SPEAKER_01Right. That's not our job though. And it's not in our ability either. No. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. A, the Lord is the only thing that brings actual restoration and freedom from sin.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Um, but then B, it's like, my job is not to disciple your kid.
SPEAKER_01You give that job to parents.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Yeah. Like you are the primary disciple. Like our job is to kind of support you and then disciple the unchurched. Yeah. Like the the the kids that don't have parents, the, you know, they're lost and so forth. Like those are the gaps that we have to fill in. Right. And so when you have a Christian parent that just drops their kid off and doesn't intentionally use their words to teach scripture, to read scripture with them, and and to express the importance of God's love and the love we should have back for God. Like, I was just immediately I was drawn back to Deuteronomy 6, 4 through 7. It says, Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. Sound familiar at all that scripture where Jesus says, like, what is the greatest commandment? Yes, exactly. Trying to trip them up on out of the Ten Commandments, and he of course recites this. And then verse 6 it says, And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
SPEAKER_01And so you shall teach them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you are the one. Right. Like it it doesn't say, and your pastor will teach these things diligently.
SPEAKER_01It's your job.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Like you are the one communicating and and you are the one intentionally, not by accident. Like, oh, there's a Bible. Right. And and it's like, no, like you're bringing them to it, you're walking them through it. And and honestly, if you want to to see a change of character, a change of behavior, a change of like heart attitude, start reading the Bible with your kid.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Oh, that will be a huge impact in your life. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Start praying with them.
SPEAKER_01Right. Right.
SPEAKER_00Start expressing the love of God to them. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And we are blessed though to come alongside parents and help in that discipling, but it's not our position to do that, but just to come alongside.
SPEAKER_00And it's hard. Like you might be like, well, where where do I start? And we're here for that.
SPEAKER_01Right. Absolutely. Reach out. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And and it is also never too late.
SPEAKER_01No, it's not.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I don't care if your kid's 18.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Start.
SPEAKER_00Like start.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like it doesn't matter if there's senior year of high school. Like, start. Like build new rhythms, build new patterns, like express like, hey, I've I've made a mistake for 17 years.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm going to spend a year correcting it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there's opportunity to correct it.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. Every time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And you know, we we want you to be willing to ask questions. Because uh parenting biblically, you're never gonna be perfect at it.
SPEAKER_01Nope. We all need each other to try to figure this out.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I think everyone to a certain degree that like hears the statement words matter would be like, yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_01They would agree. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And and so, however, it's like when you dive in deeper, like those are where the questions happen, and it's like, well, how do I do this? How do I appropriately communicate this? How do I start a Bible study with my kids? Like, that's where we want you to reach out to us. And maybe it has nothing to do with this episode. Maybe there's future things. You know, if you go to waypointchurch.com/slash students, there's a messaging system there where you can reach out to us and say, Hey, I have this question.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, fill that out, send it our way.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Because we we have we're gonna have a segment every episode where we're answering your questions. Um, and if we don't get any questions in, like that's fine. Tiffany and I will have questions that we can make up our own.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, but just know, like you can reach out to us, waypointchurch.com slash students, and you can fill out anything. And you can go into the biblical parenting that's a parent. You can share your own story with us that you've had. How do I correct this? Um, and we'll do our best. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we'd love to have that opportunity.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So do we have some questions this episode?
SPEAKER_00Uh we we have nothing relating to this episode technically that like we got from parents. We didn't ask mentors this time around. Um that there I bet I bet we'll get more. I hope so. That would be really fun. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01We want to hear from you.
SPEAKER_00But I think we each had a question for each other though.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so I have a question for you. I'll start off. With words mattering so much, how have words shaped your identity throughout the years?
SPEAKER_00Oh man, what a heavy question. Um, so I I won't say who, um just in case if they ever listen to this, but um when I was much younger, I I was labeled and meaning that I was told in an argument, uh, you are worthless.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's terrible.
SPEAKER_00I'm sorry. Those those three words um made a lasting impact on my life for two decades. I mean, of a long time. A a lot of like repairing and whatnot, and um a a lot of like restoration and redemption had to happen in my life from the Lord um really because of those three words. Yeah. Because I took those three words and I ran with them. And so when you think of like words mattering, right? It's like I took three words and decided that's who I was.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Let it shape your identity. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so then I lived like it. I I live like I was worthless, and I chose to be rebellious and not care about those around me and not seek to have, you know, a positive, successful future. It was just I'm worthless. Why does it matter?
SPEAKER_01See, back to your adage of sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt me. I mean, that is a lie. Right there. That's like the perfect example.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, my question for you then to kind of follow up is what's one way you've been intentional with your words?
SPEAKER_01Okay, so I'm actually gonna turn to a story with Kevin and Nathan because I just love this example. Um, but years ago when Nathan was younger, he played soccer. And um, you know, the car rides home weren't always that pleasant after a game because sometimes, you know, Kevin will be like, ah, you know, you did this wrong and that wrong, and just kind of pointing out the faults and what he could have done better. And I mean, that's just that's hard for a kid to hear, and like you feel so defeated, right? So Kevin kind of realized the weight those words carried. And so he kind of changed his thinking. And so what he did is he turned it into like, hey, buddy, what are what are some things you did really well this game? Yeah. Right. And then he would sincerely encourage Nathan in those and um, you know, just kind of confirm that yeah, you did that great. Now, what are some things you can work on?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Right. So you're not belittling them, you're not using words to define them or put them down. It's it's more of a conversation. It's how you shape that conversation. So it was really helpful.
SPEAKER_00I think it's important. Like it is okay to talk about the negatives.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's just how do you and I have seen so many parents live through their kids' athletic careers.
SPEAKER_01Oh, sadly, yes. And it's like it never goes well.
SPEAKER_00No. And I'm like, what are you dealing with?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And and so yeah, hey, don't do that either.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no. Off topic, but still great advice. Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, if you if you have any questions, you know, we just to give you kind of a sneak peek of the future. Um, you know, we have episodes on like correction, discipline, and punishment, um, at home discipleship, being the adult, uh, managing conflict in the homes, we even have the birds and the bees. Uh, we have whose I love this one. Whose phone is it anyways? Yes. Uh, you know, uh raising, you know, kids through anxiety and depression. Um, and then our our last one right before the summer is summer loving. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that's gonna be a good one.
SPEAKER_00Kids and their relationships. And so if there's any of those that you're like, oh, like I want to submit my question for that.
SPEAKER_01Please do.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, please do. Waypointchurch.com slash students. We would absolutely love.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it'd be great to hear from you and know what you want to us to talk about.
SPEAKER_00Tiffany, we also, you know, you being a parent for you know, 17 years now with two, um, you have gone through a lot of different resources.
SPEAKER_01I yes, I have. Yes, I have.
SPEAKER_00And you know, last week or last week, uh last month's episode was Access. Yeah, access.
SPEAKER_01A-X-I-S. And that was awesome. Yes, I love that.
SPEAKER_00There are so many things, but when we're looking at words matter, what was the resource that you came up with?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so at first I was like thinking through what what is one of my go-to resources for the importance of words? And I just kept coming back to the Bible. Like God's word is the supreme resource. The ultimate one. Absolutely. There's just too many helpful verses uh to think of an alternative, you know, resource. So um I've memorized a bunch of these. I've had my kids memorize a bunch of these. I really encourage that's really fun to memorize verses together. Um, but I just want to highlight some of my favorites when it comes to words. So Proverbs 15.1, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 16, 24, gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul, and health to the body. Uh Proverbs 18, 21, death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
SPEAKER_00And if if you didn't know this, uh King Solomon is the author of Proverbs, and he is labeled in scripture as the wisest man, right? So take his advice. And yeah, and you can tell. He cares about his words.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Yeah, so if he does, we should.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Another one I love is Colossians 4.6. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. They're just some of my favorites, but we've got like Proverbs 12.18, Ephesians 4.29, there's 1 Thessalonians 5.11, and so much of James chapter 3 is talking about the taming of the tongue. So look all them up, but they're just great verses to memorize and and think on when you consider your words.
SPEAKER_00I love, I still remember to this day the first time I ever heard a sermon on Colossians 4.6.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00And because it's seasoned with salt. Yeah. And it's like, have you ever had a McDonald's fry without salt?
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's a good analogy.
SPEAKER_00And it's like it's hard, it's hard to like just chew up and swell. Like for some reason, salt just changes everything when it comes to a McDonald's fry.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's a great thing.
SPEAKER_00And and I remember that like yesterday. And it's like eating a McDonald's fry without salt. Oof, that's right.
SPEAKER_01Don't want to do it.
SPEAKER_00So but with salt.
SPEAKER_01So season those words with salt too. Season those words. They're gonna be better for sure.
SPEAKER_00I I I agree with you though, Tiffany. I mean, there is not a better resource for anything than scripture. Yeah, of course. Um, but ultimately when like words matter, yeah, we need to turn to scripture. Yeah, yeah. And going all the way back up to you know, Matthew 12, 34, you know, thinking about, you know, out of our heart is, you know, where our words come from is that if you are storing scripture in your heart, if you're memorizing it, if you're caring about it, like that is when you will be able to say kind, generous things first, right, instead of the anger and malice and you know, wrath, slander, all of those things. Yeah. And so, yeah, memorizing scripture is key.
SPEAKER_01It is very helpful in all aspects of life and especially in parenting. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And make your kids do it too.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yes, absolutely. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You've done that with with Nathan the North throughout the years and it's benefited them greatly.
SPEAKER_01It certainly has, yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, as we're getting to to wrap this up here, um, you know, we used to be cool podcast. We always want to share a silly story of how we used to be cool. So, what is what is your story? Okay.
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, so what I thought about, you know, midweeks just started up last week. So it kicked off the school year. And um, you know, I have the pleasure of, you know, sometimes hosting or closing our midweek. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02You do a great job of it.
SPEAKER_01Well, thank you. Well, listen, being on stage with a microphone is not exactly my comfort zone. And so one of the first times I had to be on stage with a microphone, I was um asked to speak at a mops, a mothers of preschoolers event about marriage. Um, and so I was so nervous that I introduced myself as Tiff Nay.
SPEAKER_00Tiff Nay. Tiff Nay. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So my family just thought that was hysterical. I remember the lady when I introduced myself, they're like, um, excuse me, what is your name again?
SPEAKER_00Like it's T-I-F-F capital N.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Tiffany. So, oh, my family loves it. And you know what's really funny? This was years ago, but they still, if they cannot get my attention, they will just shout, Tifnay. Tifno. I immediately hear it in response.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, I'm yeah, I'm gonna hate to break this to you. I'm gonna start saying that.
SPEAKER_01I shouldn't have shared that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you're gonna hear me in the hallway. Tifna nonstop.
SPEAKER_01Oh no.
SPEAKER_00Well how about you?
SPEAKER_01I could you come up with I mean, you shared one last time. Do you have another?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's hard. It's tough.
SPEAKER_01We're gonna really go into the archives to find these, especially since I'm just always cool, you know? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, that I will always say that joke every time, probably. Mr.
SPEAKER_01Humble.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm unfortunately gonna share a story that I probably shouldn't. Um, because I I do not get embarrassed by almost anything.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh. I know.
SPEAKER_00Um, which you kind of need to have that when you're in student administration. Right.
SPEAKER_01I could see that.
SPEAKER_00Um, but this is one of those stories that I'm embarrassed of.
SPEAKER_01Okay. This is gonna be good.
SPEAKER_00I do need to put, you know, warning. Uh this is a PG 13 story.
SPEAKER_01Parental advisory.
SPEAKER_00Parental advisory. You'll see why here in a second. Um, so this was after my first full year of student ministry. Um I'm 22 years old. We have um what we call disciple now, but it's like the weekend student conference that we do here, but it's a weekend long event. So the Wednesday before that weekend long event, I would always preach a sermon like leading into the weekend. Okay. And it would always be based on that theme. So, like whatever the theme was was my sermon title, and it was the intro. And our intro was, or I mean, our sorry, our theme was all in. And like the entire theme for Disciple Now was like, have your life be all in for Jesus.
SPEAKER_01Okay, yeah, I like that.
SPEAKER_00Completely committed to him, completely surrendered to him. Like you are all in, nothing is left behind for Christ. And so I I also for students, especially, like I love sharing stories and giving illustrations and whatnot. So I r was really struggling to come up with a story.
SPEAKER_01Uh oh.
SPEAKER_00Um, and then something happened that week.
SPEAKER_01Oh, they gave you something.
SPEAKER_00Where we we lived in a house the first couple years of ministry on what our students deemed the crack house.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's awesome.
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah. We had a dog Granger who was a pit mix and she like broke our blinds. Uh the the paint on the outside like uh of the siding was like peeling. Oh, yeah. And then we were also next to like low-income apartments that obviously did have some drug issues.
SPEAKER_01I'm picturing this. Okay.
SPEAKER_00So our students call our house the crack house.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's great.
SPEAKER_00And uh, we didn't have a fence for Granger. Uh-huh. Um, so we would just like put her on like a really long 30-foot leash from our tree.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00And she was fine with that. She just laid in our front yard. Well, there was a stray lab that was like just persistent at getting after Granger.
SPEAKER_01He had his eye on her.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Now we were told when we adopted Granger that she was fixed.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00Uh she was not fixed.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00Um, or sprayed, or whatever you're supposed to say. Spade. Spade. Spade, yeah. I said sprayed for some reason. She was spade. Words words matter. Words spade. Um so also words are hard. That's more of what I say. Uh yeah, she was not. And so she was in heat, and this dog just kept coming the entire time. And and so I I struggled with like letting her outside and stay in. You have a beautiful 65-degree weather day, and she just wants to be outside. Um, and so for some reason I added this story into my sermon called All In. And I'm sharing it and I'm talking about how persistent this stray dog was. And I'll and I'm like, no matter what, I was like, I could kick that dog in the face. He'd just come back later. Like, it did not matter what I did to that dog. He just kept on going. And then, like, my My last and final statement. And I thought it was just the best way to end that story. I was like, guys, we need to be all in because that dog was all in. Oh no. Now, of course, I'm not tying together how obviously sexual that sounds.
SPEAKER_01Right, right.
SPEAKER_00Until one of my middle school, eighth grade boys does.
SPEAKER_01Oh, great.
SPEAKER_00And then everything goes south.
SPEAKER_01Of course, he would pick up on that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh no.
SPEAKER_00And so there's a room of like 50 that just I lost everyone.
SPEAKER_01That you did.
SPEAKER_00And that happened 11 years ago.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00And I still get text messages about it. It left an impression. It left an impression.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_00Students that are just nonstop.
SPEAKER_01Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. Oh, dude. Let this drop.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, please let it die. Let's move on.
SPEAKER_00There's a 10-year memory on Facebook last year.
SPEAKER_01Oh.
SPEAKER_00So I got like six texts.
SPEAKER_01That is so great.
SPEAKER_00Like, you know. Hey Thomas, how you doing? You still all in for Jesus?
SPEAKER_01Oh man.
SPEAKER_00Shut up.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I love it. That's great. Oh, that's a good story. Thank you for sharing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. It's rough. Let me tell you. Oh my gosh. That is that is probably the most embarrassed I've ever been.
SPEAKER_01Wow. And so I know it's hard for you to get embarrassed. So thanks for sharing that.
SPEAKER_00So even if you're trying to like use your words in a godly manner, like we still need to think through them.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Yes.
SPEAKER_00And uh it's also not a bad idea if you're really having like an in-depth conversation, preaching a sermon, uh, to run things by other wise people.
SPEAKER_01That is great advice.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um, because words don't just matter to people, they also matter to God.
SPEAKER_01Right. Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_00And, you know, I'm I'm thinking one of the scariest bits of scripture in all of the Bible to me is back to Matthew twelve and verses thirty-six and thirty-seven. It says, I tell you, on the day of judgment, people will give a account for every careless word they speak. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.
SPEAKER_01It's kind of terrifying.
SPEAKER_00It is horrifying.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because think of that. I don't even think I could count how many careless words I have. And so, like, when when you start thinking about that and you're like, oh my goodness, all of the things that I have said that are beyond careless, yeah, but that from my heart were wicked and hateful, filled with anger and all these things. But I am also thankful that God gave us the ability to be justified through our words.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because Romans 10, 9 through 10 says, Because if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
SPEAKER_02Amen.
SPEAKER_00For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. And so this is where we see like God cares about our words.
SPEAKER_01Yes, he does.
SPEAKER_00Now it cares about the meaning behind them.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like you can't say something without true meaning. Right. You know, that's what Romans 10 is saying. Like you have to believe in your heart.
SPEAKER_01Be sincere.
SPEAKER_00And and then it has to come from your mouth. Um, because if it's just coming from your mouth, it's not real.
SPEAKER_01That's all right. Um lip service, they call it.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. But you could be listening to this and and you could be careless with your words. And you could be held accountable for every careless word. Yep. And it is a terrifying thing to think that one day you'll be standing before a holy and perfect judge that is going to judge you for every careless word.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. To be held responsible for that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00And it's terrifying until you have the opportunity to repent of your sins. Believe that Jesus is Lord, and confess that He is King of all. And then you're saved.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00And so ultimately those are the words that matter the most. Yes. Yeah. The words that you, the listener, you guys, you you you just have to do in your life if you haven't already. But then also the words you're teaching your kids. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01I love ending on that. Yeah. That's that's so good. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, do you have any final thoughts?
SPEAKER_01No, I do. I just would say um words carry weight, so choose them wisely. Amen. Your kids are paying attention to how you speak them about them and about others. So you're always modeling behavior even when you don't realize it. So take those milliseconds to think before you speak and ask yourself, will my words build up or tear down? Encourage or discourage? What is my heart motive? Do they need to be said and will I regret it?
SPEAKER_00I need that on like just a permanent sticky note everywhere I go. It needs to be like my screensaver on my phone.
SPEAKER_01There we go. That's a great idea.
SPEAKER_00Just look at that. Yeah. How about you?
SPEAKER_01What are you going to wrap up with?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I I would just say don't be fooled by the enemy. Words have a lasting sting. Don't be fooled by that. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Like that's what the enemy wants you to think. We all need to think before we speak. Like going back to James 119, everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak. Your words matter all the time. Amen. And every word is weighed. Because words don't just communicate information, but they shape identity. And we need to know it.
SPEAKER_01We do, yes. Yeah. All right. Well, it's been a great one. It has been. Stay cool, parents.
SPEAKER_00Stay cool.