SPEAKER_01 0:04

A him Oliver Hello What brings you to the cosmopolitan capital of Welcome? The brothel, no doubt. Nice young boy in there catch your eye.

SPEAKER_04 0:16

What are you doing here? I gave you specific instructions to travel to Mount Xina. Do you even remember what you're supposed to do?

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Of course I remember. You failed to mention how exactly I was supposed to, oh, I don't know, raise a man from the dead? Would have been nice to know about the scroll and the saddlebags before you ran off earlier.

SPEAKER_04 0:40

Did the animal not tell you what his cargo was? You do realize he is sentient.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

I tried to tell her, boss man, but she wasted doggone much I could barely catch my breath. I ended up just doing what I was told to do, which was bring all 325 pounds over here to Ubros.

SPEAKER_04 1:02

Angelica, what have you done to this creature?

SPEAKER_01 1:06

What? I didn't do anything except ride him here.

SPEAKER_04 1:10

He sounds as though he hails from the bowels of humanity. The spell used to conjure this animal came from the finest spellcrafters in Welkin. This horse should sound regal and majestic. You've turned him into a donkey.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

I am not a donkey. I take great exception to that. I am slightly more than useless, the proud steed of Angelica Icewalker.

SPEAKER_04 1:43

You named him useless.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

No, I named him slightly more than useless. If uselessness is an eight, then he is an eight point five. You see? Slightly more. Why is this so hard to grasp?

SPEAKER_04 2:00

Dismiss this creature. We have far greater matters to discuss.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Be gone, useless. I'll summon you later. What's got your panties in a bunch, old man? Come to think of it, do you actually wear anything under that rainbow robe of yours? Are you going, Commando? Inquiring minds, Oliver. Inquiring minds.

SPEAKER_04 2:23

I hate you so very much. Can you please be serious?

SPEAKER_01 2:31

I'm sorry. I'm listening.

SPEAKER_04 2:33

My daughter and her warrior friend were here a moment ago. I assumed visiting Paul of Cualos, as you no doubt were. Did they see you?

SPEAKER_01 2:43

This isn't my first kiss, Oliver. They had no idea I was here. In fact, the alchemist sent them on a wild goose chase to Tron Lord On. They won't be a problem.

SPEAKER_04 2:52

Tron Lord Dawn? Whatever for? To be skinned alive by Yevox? Apparently so. Did you mention anything about your plans to the alchemists?

SPEAKER_01 3:03

You mean the whole thing about how I need to raise someone from the dead with a potion because somebody didn't tell me there was a resurrection scroll in my horse's saddlebags? Nope, never came up.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

Well, if it isn't the Provost, to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit this time? Magical wildebeest on the loose, flying trees, terrorizing the royal city? Don't think I've forgotten how you threatened me with your mental magics the last time you were here?

SPEAKER_04 3:42

If I wanted to do something to you, Paul, I would have done it.

SPEAKER_03 3:45

Well, there's no arguing that. What do you want?

SPEAKER_04 3:50

Unfortunately, I want your company.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

I'm sorry, what did you say?

SPEAKER_04 3:54

I need for you to accompany us. My friend here unfortunately divulged far too much of our plans to you. I need for you to come with us to ensure that you do not reveal any of what you've heard to anyone else.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Is that really necessary? I mean, Oliver, he smells funny. I don't want to hold my breath the entire time we ride to that undisclosed place. I am not to mention because our evil plans are so secretive.

SPEAKER_04 4:26

Do you see why I hate her so much, Paul? Do you see what I have to deal with? Do you?

SPEAKER_03 4:31

I do, and I empathize, but look, I have no desire to join your journey to wherever. I live in the paint of Welkin here in Uberth, and I actually prefer it that way. No one bothers me, and don't worry. I won't divulge whatever you're up to to anyone.

SPEAKER_04 4:51

You were the most sought-after potion maker in all of Welkin. What do you mean no one bothers you here?

SPEAKER_03 4:58

I stopped making potions completely until you forced me to start again. And the handful of others who knew I used to are now dying at an alarmingly fast rate. As I said, no one bothers me here. It won't be an issue.

SPEAKER_04 5:15

I am afraid I cannot take that risk. The stakes are far too high. Besides, one with your talent could actually prove useful.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Or slightly more than that.

SPEAKER_03 5:28

Okay, look, why don't you just cast a memory spell on me? I can't divulge what I don't remember.

SPEAKER_04 5:35

I am hesitant to do so. Certain spells have a tendency to draw unwanted attention, and my purposes must remain discreet, I'm afraid. I'll give you a moment to gather your things. Once our business is completed, I'll see you back here safely.

SPEAKER_03 5:55

It sounds like I don't really have a choice, do I?

SPEAKER_04 5:59

Of course you have a choice. You can come with us and live or your teleportation spell is pretty pathetic, Oliver. Are you actually complaining that I saved us a six-day ride in a four-day climb by bringing us here in an instant? And none of you suffered even the slightest hint of teleportation sickness. A mark of a true master of the spell, mind you.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

All I'm saying is that if you could teleport us all the way here, couldn't you have just put us in the heart of the lair? We've been hiking for hours, which means I've had to smell the alchemist for hours. He smells like fertilizer.

SPEAKER_03 7:07

All I smell are the intricate subtleties of brilliance.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

I've been watching you make love to that bottle for hours now. Either you're taking baby sips or that bottle is bottomless.

SPEAKER_03 7:22

It's my own creation. The contents of this vial never run out and gets me just the right amount of inebriated. Each swig is smooth and crisp, yet it packs a little kick. It's actually pretty healthy.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Wait, healthy bourbon in a bottomless bottle? You've literally bottled an oxymoron. You're either a genius or an idiot. I'm going with idiot.

SPEAKER_03 7:50

You remember what I said about discussion points?

SPEAKER_01 7:53

I do, you waste of an insect. I just can't believe you're being serious.

SPEAKER_03 7:57

Oh, quite serious indeed. It's even gluten-free and grass-fed. Everything the body needs.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Except for the whole part where you cast a spell on the bottle to make it replicate the contents indefinitely, yes? It is still bourbon, after all. Too much of a good thing, methinks.

SPEAKER_03 8:15

Here, take a sip, see for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

I hate to admit this. That is actually pretty tasty.

SPEAKER_04 8:23

I am not thirsty. I am also a mage. If I want sustenance, I will simply speak it into existence.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Come on, live a little. We've got a ways to go, and the little garden gnome here actually did a nice job on this. Listen, I know that you've got to play the all-powerful god role. I get that, Oliver. But I've been around long enough to know that teleportation takes a heavy toll on the caster. You wouldn't have mass teleported all of us unless you were under duress. That is why we're hiking. You couldn't get us to the middle of the lair, could you?

SPEAKER_04 8:59

Do not presume to know me, my dear.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Oh, I would never presume to know the great and powerful Oliver Merrillness.

SPEAKER_04 9:11

Ooh, Paul, you say you cast a spell on this yourself to make it bottomless. I did, yes. I did not realize you had such talents. And Jolica, I must admit, this is rather tasty. What in great Oliver, are you you alchemist?

SPEAKER_01 9:42

What did you put in the Ohio God?