3. Online Dating: "apparently online dating is like a DIGITAL meat market"

This week, we dissect EVERYTHING 'Online Dating' - from small talk to the chaotic meet ups. Ditching a date or going balls deep - grab a drink, open your apps, and let's get into the chaos 🌶️

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:31

You good, honey? If I met a Tinder swinder, I wouldn't know where to put myself.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

No, I'd run a fucking mile. Like, what would you do? I think you heard so many fucking stories about it, yeah. I'd I'd shoot someone.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

It'd turn me off. Completely.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Absolutely. Dries a nun's crutch. Well, welcome back, guys. Welcome. Another episode. You're with us still. It's episode three.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Hello.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Uh episode three of what spice?

SPEAKER_03 1:00

And this one is where we're diving into online dating.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

This is a good spice to go into, I feel.

SPEAKER_03 1:07

Yeah, because I have never, ever dated online.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

I'm gonna have to agree. If ever 10 counts back in the day, that would be my only type of dating through a computer, essentially.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

No, we're talking like Tinder, Grinder, Grinder, yeah, Bumblebee, whatever the fuck they're called nowadays.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

There's so many now available, and I think we will go through this throughout this podcast. Like, some people get so many good success stories out of it. Don't get me wrong, yeah. I've heard some fucking horrors. I think it's just everywhere. I think there's more horrors than positives. There is, and I think dating nowadays is so difficult if you are actively looking. Like we've been very fortunate enough to come across each other when we weren't looking in the real world. In the real world, old school way. Whereas now I think again we take this back to society, like people feel the need to really earn for yearn, sorry, for for for love. And I feel like people feel like they can't be on their own and they need that even if it's companionship, or I think the world expects us to be a certain way with a partner. I do.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

And this is where it leads into like social media, it's so toxic. It really is. Like, I know Kim Kardashian fucking exists, but we don't always live like that. And this is where online dating can get really, really scary because of the amount of catfishing. Do you remember when you used to watch our programme?

SPEAKER_01 2:48

I still fucking watch that shit. When it's on, I'm all over it because I feel like it's not spoken about enough now, and it's a great context what they've done because it happens all the time.

SPEAKER_03 3:00

But then do you think that this is where the lesbian community probably gets wrapped up into this? Because you listen to anybody that's like lesbian. We have we know people that are very fortunate that have met a real life. Of course. But because there's not many people or you don't know the vibe or whatever, I think more of the community tend to sway into online dating. Because if it's like in your face, like I'm gay.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

And it's so hard now to have that conversation. I feel like if you see somebody out there, because there is still people I firmly believe that are in a closet and they're probably just taking their time, that's absolutely fine, hun. Because from a visual aid, you're either a tomboy, you know, and people go, Oh, you're a gay, and you're like, Well, actually, I've not figured that out myself yet. But I think the approach is so much different. If you go onto these dating sites, you already know that person identifies as this.

SPEAKER_03 3:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

This person has put out there that they are into women, they're open to get to know women, they're open to get to know like males. Like, you know where you already stand before you've started the commitment of having the chat.

SPEAKER_03 4:09

Yeah, and that's where the perception is because in the lesbian community, you're either a big mask lesbian, two different sides, isn't it? Tats everywhere, like the whole bun situation. Are you fucking describing me? No, but do you know what I mean? Like the big like footballer, you know, and then you've got this like really feminine princess. Yeah. And there's just no in between. So I think that's where people sway onto online dating.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

I think there's a lot of I think it's like a vetting process, isn't it? Because between you and I, like everyone has their ideal type, what they want to go for in somebody, what that person needs to be. Without sounding too cheesy, it's basically you. Um but before I met you, you was already on like my, you know, when you put together a person that you'd want, it's basically you. Like, I don't, I'm not even squishy. I'm not here for like blondes. Blondes do fuck all for me. Like, I'm gonna be honest. I can appreciate when someone's good looking though. Yes, and we've always said that we're like, oh, she's stunning, but I don't want to fuck her. Like, I can appreciate natural beauty or is it natural nowadays, though? Again, botched up, you know. So, and I think it stems from the younger generation now because, for example, like your sister, like again, very young, into the dating world, it's so different now. Cat eat what's it? Dog-eat dog? It's a dog-eat dog world, it is, and you are having to look and and be this certain way and be up with all the fucking trends at the moment. So I would hate to be dating now.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

I would fucking hate it. Like, does anyone have any individual personality anymore, or do you are we all just carbon copies of each other?

SPEAKER_01 6:09

We we actually are, and I think it's refreshing because when we see different styles, and say I work in quite a an open sort of job where you see so many different walks of life, yeah. And when I see people and I'm like, mate, I I actually rock what you're going on, what got going on here because you know, different styles, like you know, you've got an indie vibe, love an indie vibe, and then you've got you know more the corporate side. Like, I literally see every walks of life that come through the door at work.

SPEAKER_03 6:38

You do, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

And some of them, yeah, I'm like, fucking hell, all right. But then some of them are like, yeah, do you, mate. Like, keep doing what you're doing. Because you're not the generic type, and it's quite refreshing, really is refreshing because at the moment, the typical female, you know, they've got like a curled hair, you know, pretty a septum piercing, they're wearing flair jeans or flared trousers, you know, with chunky fucking shoes. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm wrong.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

Yeah, I get it. Tell me I'm wrong. I get it.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

Because I never really know when I'm right. So fuck off. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:13

Fuck off.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

I'm right on this occasion, Hunt. But you know, normally I am very wrong, guys, so um I'm humble enough to um to own it in them situations sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

Yeah, and I I could put you get where you're coming from, and that's why I I would I'd be lost on online dating.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Really lost.

SPEAKER_03 7:33

I think I'd be more single. I think your expectations are way too high.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

And you have to go through that phase of you know, everything's lengthened out. So, say for example, would you swipe left or right?

SPEAKER_03 7:49

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Anyway, whatever way you fucking swipe, please let us know. We are very like early 30s and we're dinosaurs in this in this element. But if you know, we had a match and you have to talk, how long are you talking for before you go, you know what? Let's let's exchange numbers. Yeah, fuck me alright. You're going straight in with the fingers or what?

SPEAKER_03 8:11

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Fuck it now. This one, Jesus. Well, actually, yeah, we're talking about our community, guys. But getting the telephone number, you know, going away from the app. Where do you take that away from the app? And you start having phone calls, text messages, you know, WhatsApps, fucking Snapchats, whatever that fucking thing's going on about. Like that's another app. No, fuck that app. Listen, when you get a phone now, make sure you've got plenty of fucking gigabyte because all these apps now will just be eating up your phone memory. And again, going back to that, it it does take a while to what it would do in the world that we met.

unknown 8:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

And how we met and how we went on dates and how then our communication grew.

SPEAKER_03 8:53

It's almost like, so correct me if I'm wrong. When you met someone in real life, and we talk like we're really old, we're not, but we're in that that mid-generation that still had the pleasure of both. Of course. You would so someone would probably approach you with a cheesy pickup line or a gesture or something like that. But you were able to grasp their personality from very, very early on.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

And it and you get to see them.

unknown 9:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Exactly. You have already put together in your head, okay, is this person ticking this box?

SPEAKER_03 9:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

This box. And I think you can see it's quite clear.

SPEAKER_03 9:31

And nowadays you're talking over phone, but technically, yeah. Where things can get like perceived very fucking wrong. And then it's almost like through text you've had to build this picture.

SPEAKER_02 9:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

And then you go on a blind date, technically, because you've never seen the cunt before, because you don't know if they're fucking the person that you know you say they are.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

Yeah. And that's another thing. Are you that trustworthy in that person after a while to meet them? Obviously, hopefully, you know, the people that are listening to us that you are meeting in kind of built up spaces, and you're not going and meeting this person, yeah, whatever. But that is also another hurdle. There's a lot of fucking like emotional roller coasters that go with yeah, that go with this. But this brings me back. Obviously, you asked me my type. So obviously, by being with a with a man, and then obviously not actively looking to be in a relationship, but if you had to create kind of your own female you'd be with, kind of what would it be for you?

SPEAKER_03 10:42

That's a good question, actually. Like, and obviously it's not to dishearten you. No, of course not. But obviously, people do ask me like what is your type, and obviously it's not gonna be a woman. No, of course not. Not from then. But I I would have to say you, to be fair. And I tell you why, because you do have right you do have a very strong mask. I'd say persona.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

Uh literally, guys, I haven't got a fucking skinny head and a face.

SPEAKER_03 11:11

No, no, no, but you're you you don't like rock fucking fake nails.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

Oh no, no, no, definitely not. Not on a credit girl.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

You know, hair did all that crap. But you do have a a more mask presence presence, yeah. But you do have a feminine, a very poignant feminine side. So it's almost like I get the best of both worlds. And then there's parts of you that let's say naturally, yes, I've been with a bloke for the longest time, not now, but then there's parts that you would envision on a man that you do have.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

Right.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

Like the tat.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

I fucking love the tats. I've got quite a lot of tattoos, guys.

SPEAKER_03 11:51

Like great eyes, like literally I could fucking reel off. So I think you are technically probably an amalgamation of that crossover.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Okay. So it's quite comfortable, essentially, when you when you crossed over to the Don't get me wrong, some fucking lesbians scare the shit out of me. Yeah, like I again I love everyone, and I literally talk the back end of a donkey off. Like, I I will see you, I will probably hug you because I'm a hugger. Yeah, huggers. Whereas like Lauren will probably you'll take a quick few seconds to try and work this person out. And I'm already like asking you where you live and what's your postcode, and you know how many siblings do you have?

SPEAKER_03 12:32

Like, you know, your gay gaydar, is it? I have like bullshit radar.

SPEAKER_01 12:37

You actually do, yeah, you do. Fuck the gay radars. You can read through people very, very quickly, which is a very good trait because we've had a few near misses in the past.

SPEAKER_03 12:46

Oh, we fucking have.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

And it's always been because your gut feeling from the offset has been bang on. So but yeah, I'm actually quite happy with that answer.

unknown 12:55

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Because I say a lot of people like again, guys, you're listening to us, and you're probably already trying to format how what we look like, kind of who's what. So just by them descriptions, you can obviously kind of tell who's who at the moment. But for me, it's so hard to get to that point of being comfortable in your own skin.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Because I've had this with I've said this to you quite a few times. So I had this envision years ago that I wanted to have a certain hairstyle, right? So I actually had it saved in my phone for like years prior before I met you. And I started to find myself towards kind of the back end of my last relationship, and I thought, fuck it, I'm gonna take the punge. Yeah, I'm just gonna do it, see how it goes on, whatever. And now I've got like a half situation, so like top-notch situation with like a bit of a fade. So I would never have done that probably before, yeah. But I've grown within my skin and grown with the fact that yes, I am who I am, but it doesn't normally start like that. No, so now like when you go and see and meet people for the first time, like you have to remember that different people are at different stages within their like coming out journeys, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:18

Because some people are like half half in, you know.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

Yeah, they could be like actually, I might need to be physical with a girl or another man, you know, to to know if this is right.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Because you know, we don't do try before you buy policies, don't get me wrong, but you have to know that is what you want.

SPEAKER_03 14:38

And that's the thing, like with online dating, it's it's almost like you can't get a refund. You've literally committed.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Yeah, man. You can't turn around and say the driver's not bought with food or yeah, and that's what I mean.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

Like you've committed to like meet in a public place, the intention to probably spend a little bit of money. Whereas in a real life situation, you're already out normally. Normally, yeah, you're normally out, and yeah. So that it's like you're more relaxed because you're probably out for a different reason most of the time. Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. And you just get a better vibe. So, you know, please tell us like if you're an active online dater, is it easy?

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Because please, please tell us because again, like you probably notice now if you're still here with us, that we are fucking dinosaurs when it comes to this. But I'm also very intrigued about it as well. And how does it go down? Like, even if you've had a negative experience, like please let me know because I would love to know the goods and the bads of it. It can't all be bad, surely.

SPEAKER_03 15:43

Like my question is obviously, so you so you talk over the phone and then you plan to meet up.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

I can only assume that's how it goes down, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:52

So what if like Fuck me, we're old.

unknown 15:54

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 15:55

But what if it got to like 24 hours before you're supposed to meet and then they say something really icky or something happens? How the fuck do you get out of that?

SPEAKER_01 16:07

So this is the thing. I think the difference between you and I is that you'd probably turn around and go, no, fuck this, I'm not going. Yeah, you know, the cat's died. But I would still go. Would you? Yeah, I would. Because I think with icks, depending on the severity level of how big this red flag is, I always give people the benefit of the doubt, even if they don't necessarily need it. Like this is me generally in life. So I'd probably go, oh, okay, I'll keep that in the back pocket. I won't forget it. But let's see if there's any more to cover. Or was it just a temporary ick? Or was it just something they may have said to try and make them funny? And it was like, yeah, brother, you're you're really not cutting it. But or is it a case of they're probably nervous as well and they're just trying to remain current? And yeah, I think I would would still go and do the the benefit of the doubt. But then this rolls into kind of the actual dating. What is your like typical ideal first date? Like, what would you want on paper? Because mine's very again, I don't know now. Like, there's so much to do.

SPEAKER_03 17:18

Yeah, I think I don't know. I I don't know if I'm just different or whatever, but my idea of a date is nothing niche, like it's very out of the box. I want you to be thinking out of that fucking box, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

Of course.

SPEAKER_03 17:32

Like, and I find this with online dating. Every person that I've spoken to will either go for a drink or go for a meal.

SPEAKER_01 17:41

But that's the old school thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 17:43

Like how a date where you recognise a date is if you're talking to someone, you're not gonna go, oh let's go crazy golf. They're gonna think, Well, who the fuck am I talking to? Yeah, of course. That's like the second date vibe, like I'm talking. But my idea of a date is like really fought out. Like, I I will happily fucking go for a walk with you and then go for brunch. Nice, like a a full date day, yeah. I think it has to be a day out of the box, like we could jump off of a zipwire or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Do something like spontaneous.

SPEAKER_03 18:17

I feel like with with them types of dates, you get to unlock so many parts of the personality in one hit. But why not do it early on? Exactly. But that's a good thing. But I feel like with online dating, correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like you end up just going for a drink in a public place or go for a meal in a public place.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

Everything's very public, you know, you have to be spending time with that person.

SPEAKER_03 18:43

Yeah, but it's very structured. Yeah. So you're meeting this person, and they might have a front because you're sitting at a dinner table.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

But imagine if like saying stupid, like you you you eat cack-handedly. Yeah, that's what I mean. I hold my knife and forks in the wrong hands.

unknown 18:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:59

But that could again, that could spiral something kind of like unnecessary.

SPEAKER_03 19:03

And the expectation, I think, of online dating is so fucking high. Like, certain nail beds would be like not the cut. Honestly. Megan Fox Fums is near the cut.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

If you've got a Megan Fox Fum, I'm really sorry, guys. Like, I'm out. No, like they actually scare me.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

I'm actually scared of them. Like, I don't know what happened, like, or who hurt you. Like, I know it's obviously based on genes, but we need to go and ask the mum and dad what's happened. Yeah, because I honestly I'm very big on stuff like that. So, with me in a sense of going for a date, I'm actually okay with going for a meal. I actually am okay with that. I don't mind doing that, but again, it has to be a build up to the date. That's kind of had to be like the closing of the date. So something in the in the like early afternoon, I'm not talking like 10 o'clock to 11 o'clock at night, like fuck off, I haven't got that much energy. But like like you say, like an afternoon brunch situation, like or you go out and do something like even saying like arcades or stuff, yeah. Yeah, I'm all over that. Something fun, something that can show me that that person has a bit of fun about them.

SPEAKER_03 20:15

Yeah, because I feel like you've already built this like image of them, how they're gonna react. Yeah, I think going for a meal is literally probably like third fourth, like third or fourth date for me. I yeah, I get it. Because it's just too deep. There's like awkward silences, there's natural years, like you fucking you've got a mouthful of food, and then the fucking you know, waitress comes over and she's like, Everything alright? And it's like, yeah, alright. Yeah, I know that's right. You know, and then do you know what I mean? It's like it's very awkward to me.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

But I go I suppose again after that you've successfully been on a few dates, then when it comes to dinner, then you do naturally have more to talk about from previous dates. Yes. So then it keeps the conversation kind of flowing, which I get it. The juice is flowing, but in a sense of what I could give, I think I'd be very poor in a sense of like texting. I'm a really bad fucking texture. No, I think you're really good. To you, I am. I don't think you're generally No, no, no, it's like a whole thing. I don't know if anyone can relate here. Like, if your partner messages you, like I'll message back ASAP, but if my friends message me, or I'll go, all right, I'll do that later. I never end up doing it.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

I get it. You just fucking contribute me, babe. I think this is what it is.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

Ignorant bitch vibes. Yeah, but I'm not. Like this is the thing, like generally not, and I've just got a brain like a sieve. And if a notification comes through, this I think this is what happens. I'm actively trying to do something, you will text me, and I'll prioritize that over what I'm doing, and then I'll never go back to it because I've just selfishly I've forgotten about it.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

Fair.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

So I don't think it's that that I'm you know, I'm not a cunt, but I just focus so deeply on you and make sure. Sure, you're alright, and then whatever's happening in the house or whatever's happening today, if I am mid-texting like a friend or whatever, I'll naturally just forget, or I'll go, Oh, I've seen that notification, I'll apply to it later. And as everyone knows, with iPhones and any other phones, the notification fucking stack gets massive, and I just clear that shit on a daily. And I'm also one for like the notification and like alerts. You'll stay on the screen, that's fucking weird. No, my I have to get rid of them. Yeah, that was for the thing. I have to get rid of them. So if there's one there and I'm waiting for it, I go, oh right, okay. So my phone is like spick and span. But in a sense of what I could bring to online dating, I just don't think I'd be very good with the communication side. Like when you're in person, like when we'd be like a fucking hit in person. Yeah, it'd be like, Why the fuck are you taking X amount of time to reply to me? Like, it's nothing against the person I was talking to, but I'm just not all that great. Like, I'd rather you call me.

SPEAKER_03 22:59

Fair.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Like, I'd rather you call me. And if I if you're calling it, Yeah, I'm a bit of a caller, like I can't fucking stand it.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

I've started dictating now because I can't be bothered to tell you.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

You made me fucking die the other day when you did that.

SPEAKER_03 23:09

I don't know what that bitch was dictating. Oh, it didn't make any fucking sense.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

So Lauren has this thing, right, guys, and I I know people probably can you know relate to me here. When you're at work and you get voice notes, I have no time really at times to listen to a voice note unless I'm going outside smoke. Whereas Lauren's job is very flexible, like that girl can walk out and no one knows she's gone, sort of thing. But with me, mine's kind of like I have to be present. So you'll voice note me, and I'm like, oh fuck, uh you know, and then I end up texting you because that's the easiest way for me to say, yeah, babe, I don't know what the fuck you've said, but can you tell me? Because on iMessage it trans it transcripts, yeah. On WhatsApp it doesn't, yeah. So we talk through WhatsApp being our main source of communication. So we think, oh, okay, so then I text you and like, oh, can you can you write it out for me? And then this fucking dictat oh my god, dictation was just it was astronomical. Siri was having a fucking meh, let's be honest. Um, it was a whole thing. But would you dive into voice notes early on in online dating, or would you just go, do you know what I'm gonna call you? See, this is where I think a lot of people don't. Because it's true. Oh my god, imagine I've just fucking dictated actually Siri while we've been sat here.

SPEAKER_03 24:30

Because it's just gonna keep going off.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

Sorry, if you get Siri in the background, guys, he um or she has just decided to enter the chat because um yeah, we just said it out loud, so yeah, sorry about that.

SPEAKER_03 24:42

But voice notes, because I find people don't do a lot of video calling when they're online dating. True. Because we we do have a lot of catfishes.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

We do.

SPEAKER_03 24:52

So they they try to steer away from videos. Oh I'm at work or but then also voice is a big telltale sign. Like if you You've got to have a good voice, I feel with voice, you could sound like a a greasy, you know tramp. Exactly. You have to have a good voice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

So I don't think a lot of people do. Especially if you if you meet somebody that's typically like, for example, right, this would probably be a deal breaker for me. But if I was to meet up with someone that was quite masked, quite broad, yeah, and they spoke so softly or like a proper little fucking pansy, yeah, I think I'd have to go, do you know what? Let's have some drinks, let's have the day, but no, thank you. Or probably wouldn't get through half the through the day because I think it would annoy me that much. I think I'd end up stimming.

SPEAKER_03 25:50

Yeah, you are a a stimmer. Like I think you shut off quite quickly. Yeah. And that was what I was gonna ask you actually. With meeting in the real world, yeah, you can quite quickly tell someone to just basically jog on. Of course. If you're not feeling the vibe, or change your plans, do whatever. With online dating, you've committed to the cause.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

You're there all easy for a reason.

SPEAKER_03 26:16

Yeah, you're you're now initiating the meetup. What do you do if you don't like that person?

SPEAKER_01 26:25

I think I just had to ignore him. Would you ignore him? I don't know. I think it depends how how rooted we are, how far has it gone?

SPEAKER_03 26:34

Okay, it's it is a first state situation, but you got a very good vibe from it.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

Oh, I I just what do you mean, good vibe from it?

SPEAKER_03 26:42

Well, you be like, let's say you were the person that got the good vibe from it. Yeah. And then the other person clearly didn't. Yeah. And then you were a bit shocked to then receive a text to say I don't fucking like you. What would you do if it if the shoe was on the other foot?

SPEAKER_01 27:01

I literally I've I think I'm too much of a bit of a realist to be honest. I'd say I'd ignore someone, but I think I'd have to, I don't think I could leave them sat like on red or on red. No. You know what I mean? I think I'd be too nice. Yeah, and this is where we are too nice.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

Maybe that's why we're not cut out for online dating, technically, because we're not cut throat enough.

SPEAKER_01 27:22

No, it'd be like, yeah, in the bin next. Like I could imagine, and I don't think I could keep up with the online dating. Because imagine if you're having multiple chats with multiple people, like I'd be ended up calling someone Sarah when their name's fucking Karen. Like it's hard too much. And mentally, it's hard because you've got to keep up with different conversations from different people, you know, because actively you are you can afford to be picky, guys. Like, this is gonna be your person, hopefully.

SPEAKER_03 27:49

Again, is it too picky? I don't know. Because of their profile pick.

SPEAKER_01 27:56

But I feel like we get drawn more to how people look before we get the opportunity to actually let them speak their truth.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

It's funny you say that because I was actually gonna ask you. Do you a lot of people say, oh, but it's all about personality. I'm gonna flip the script here. I think that there is whatever percentage it is, I think you do need to have physical attraction.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

I think you do. I think if you meet somebody and they are not what you expected, I think it's very hard to get past that because of the sexual connection would probably drop drastically. Exactly. And you really can't be with someone that you don't even find announced attractive.

SPEAKER_03 28:42

Yeah, I do think that like when you watch Love Is Blind or something. What a what a fucking show. But like you there is an element of physical attraction that you do have to meet. There is. And then how would you get out of a date, a blind date, with someone that you are physically not attracted to? And we're talking like you've just met up, it's the first 20 minutes, and you physically knowing you, because you wouldn't be able to see past it, you can't see past it. What is your excuse to get out of that date?

SPEAKER_01 29:15

It's quite funny you said that because it actually was one occasion where that happened, not to me, um, it was to a really close friend of mine, and she was chatting to this guy for a long time actually, and she said, Oh, you know, Lauren, they they want to take me out for a date. So I was like, Oh, okay, that this is brilliant. Like, enjoy yourself. Went out with her to like the shopping centre, they she got like a nice outfit, like really went suited for it, and it must have probably been about 45 minutes because I'm I'm I'm being the girl hype, right? So I'm like, Yeah, you're gonna have a fucking great night, yeah, have a bit of tonsil tennis, you know, wank him off, whatever. Like, I'm being that person because I am it's like I've liked had had a little bit of comedy to make people feel a bit better, 100%, yeah. So it got it literally got to about 45 minutes an hour, and I was like, Right, I've not heard anything. Maybe she'll go she'll go to the toilet and maybe let me know, check in, sort of thing. And um, we had a group chat at the time, and she wrote in and said, Can anyone come and pick me up for Miller and Carter? And we said, What's happened? Like, instantly, like the girls were obviously sat waiting because one of our friends had been at a dating game for a very long time, so we was like, Oh, actually, took the courage to kind of go out again and get back on the horse and whatever. Literally, anyone near Miller and Carter, I need to go home.

unknown 30:40

Shit.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

So then amongst us was like, Who's going? And obviously, trying not to text too much because obviously we knew that her then her phone would be popping off like at the table. And it turns out that me and my other friend went and collected her, and she turned around and said, 'I'm really sorry, I've got the shits and I've been sick of the toilet.' That was her excuse. Do you know what? That's a fair fucking like you didn't know what they were doing in the obviously that then went absolute peak tongue, and nothing else was seen of this guy. But what was the actual reason that she just wanted to go? From from what I remember, because obviously this is a very long time ago, and it was more of the sense of that she just he just wasn't the person that she thought he was, and the things that he were talking about, he was quite um bad when he came to speaking about women. His opinions were quite um controversial, and I think that gave her the ick quite quickly.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

See, but didn't that come through on text?

SPEAKER_01 31:38

I don't think they even dived in, I don't think they were talking for that long. So this is obviously where the other aspect of it is. So again, it's not knowing fully because they obviously want to tick boxes, everyone does. Yeah. So until you get to that moment, but yeah, that honestly, I just fucking I remember me and my friend picking her up, and she looked fucking traumatised. And we were like, What the fuck has happened? And she was like, Can we just go to the pub? So we went to the pub that was nearby, um, had a few drinks, whatever, and she was just like it was a nice guy, but he just became very arrogant and like self-absorbed and you can't change that, yeah. Like absolute fucking master manipulator, like complete narcissist vibes that she got. Yeah, and that was enough for her to kind of go, Oh, he still paid for the food though, fair play. Oh, fair fucking fair fucking play, like fair enough, get your money's worth and all that. But yeah, it's fucking hard, lads.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

And it's like I just I can't get on, I can't get on the vibe. Like, obviously, we're in a very solid fucking relationship and we're not going anywhere. But if I was, I I just I don't think I could do it.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

I think I think the best things in life are free, right? And yeah, they literally are into tune. But no, they they generally are, and I think when you do come across somebody like we come across each other, it was lovely, yeah. Like it was actually so lovely how it blossomed, and like I could actually see you our first date. I want to just tell the listeners to to kind of finish this off. Oh no, because obviously this is a lot about dating. Our first date was not your norm, was it?

SPEAKER_03 33:23

No, it wasn't. Go on, tell them. So we had been talking for was it like six days straight? Something like that, yeah. Okay, so but oh that sounds really bad, like six days and then we're fucking already meeting.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

No.

SPEAKER_03 33:38

But we knew each other of each other anyway. Of each other. So in real life. Yeah. So six days kind of worth of chatting, and it got to about eight o'clock at night, and you were off work, weren't you?

SPEAKER_01 33:50

Yeah, because my my rotor's very my shift patterns are very sporadic. So from one week to the next, I have random days off, so I kind of yeah. So this day I was off.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

And to be fair, our our chat got quite flirty, but there was always that intention that I said, due to like literally crippling anxiety, that I was I don't think I'm into women. Which was fine because Yeah, no, absolutely you know, it it was normal at the time. And it was about eight o'clock. And I think you had tested the waters because you did not give up. No, I don't know. Like regardless of me saying that, yeah, regardless of me saying that, the chat was so good that you didn't give up, and I'm so fucking glad you didn't. And you went some oh god, something along the lines of like we could we could we could be doing this or whatever. And then I I think I replied back saying, Well, I'll I'll see you in an hour. And I didn't believe you. Yeah, and then you went, What did you say?

SPEAKER_01 34:52

Yeah, alright, or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 34:53

Something like that. And I was like, I think I I went on Waze.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

Yeah. So Waze is like a sat nav app, guys, if you don't know, like you have Google Maps, whatever. So Waze is the one that we use.

SPEAKER_03 35:05

And it said it literally was like bang on, it was like an hour. So I was like, no, I'll see you in an hour. And you were like, No, like that's not that's not happening. You're not, are you yeah? Because it's almost like I called you a bluff.

SPEAKER_01 35:16

Of course, you did, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:17

And then I had squeaky bump time, and I just jumped in the fucking car and off the city.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

That you fucking did.

SPEAKER_03 35:23

And I drove to you, and that was like the first time I've ever done that, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

I feel privileged.

SPEAKER_03 35:27

So I did feel very fucking comfortable.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Yeah, you did. I think to get and that's an another prime thing is being comfortable, isn't it? Yeah. But then obviously, what did we do after that? No, I didn't finger ear, by the way. That was the second day.

SPEAKER_03 35:40

No, yeah. Um no, the first day, we literally I drove to you, got there about what was it, like nine?

SPEAKER_01 35:48

It must have been about nine half nine, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:51

So the night was still young, it was a Friday night, and I picked you up and we just chatted for hours, and I'm telling you, everything in the realm of conversation probably came up.

SPEAKER_01 36:07

But yeah, we touched base on a hell of a lot, didn't we?

SPEAKER_03 36:10

Yeah, and we were just sitting in the car at good old Sid, that was my fiesta, and we just parked up, didn't we? In like random spots, talking about absolute shit. And what was really interesting is because in that date we're in the confined space of a car, but I could feel the sexual tension.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

It was actually steaming in the car at one point. We had to keep opening the windows.

SPEAKER_03 36:34

Yeah. But like it was like electricity, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

It was.

SPEAKER_03 36:38

And that's when you know it's a fucking good sign. But obviously, me being a fucking dickhead, I had said to you, not really into women, and I don't think I'm I'm gonna go there. Yeah. But all I wanted you to do in that moment was just snog my fucking face. I did. But y the next day. The next day, because we had a little peck. Yeah, because then the next day I decided to drive up again, and that was that was it.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

And doing what lesbians do, we've been attached by the hip ever since.

SPEAKER_03 37:06

We have not there's not been a day in our whole relationship we've not spoken. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

Like we don't go to beds on arguments or anything like that. I we don't argue anyway, we have bickers, but if for whatever reason one of us storms off, like I'm I'm coming to grab you, like if you gravitate back to each other, don't we?

SPEAKER_03 37:23

Yeah, we roll over and go, love you. Yeah, I can't grab that.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

I mate, uh I'd have a fucking anxiety attack. Like, I can't be doing that, it's not a thing.

SPEAKER_03 37:30

No, and that that was our first day, but we we went balls deep, I'd say. Balls deep, fucking balls deep.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

No, I think it just it set the tone nicely because I think you can get a lot more from somebody in person and it just opens up more conversation for a phone.

SPEAKER_03 37:44

You can't that no, but that is exactly what we're saying. With online dating, you've got to go through so many hurdles to get to that point. Yeah, real life. We've already smashed that fucking hurdle.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

We have, but there's so many other like we're planning on this podcast. Is talking about obviously like online dating, but you do have things like people meet through things like Facebook or like TikTok. That there is so much more out there now where it could be like a like of a comment, or exactly that, but there's so much more and you we've got to remember though, it is still kind of the same realm.

SPEAKER_03 38:18

Of course it is. As much as it's like, oh yeah, but it no, it wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

It was the stages are exactly the same.

SPEAKER_03 38:23

It was Instagram. Well it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 38:25

Yeah, it's still online, you're still doing that.

SPEAKER_03 38:28

So look, if you're listening to us, you know the email, you know the drill, please. Run it up. Send us your stories. Have you had any horror stories online dating?

SPEAKER_01 38:37

Like, please, please tell us, and please, like, even if it's a like a story where you actually then felt more for them when you met them. Like, give us every time, like, give us every sort of realm because us lesbians, like, we love it, mate.

SPEAKER_03 38:52

Yeah, we love it. We live for this shit, and we just want you know, to be educated because we are fucking dinosaurs.

SPEAKER_01 39:01

I think after this conversation, I generally feel like I feel old. Yeah, what the fuck? Like, we need to do better. We're not going on dating apps though.

SPEAKER_03 39:08

No, we're going for cocktails and was it? What was that? What our friend said it was like cocktails and cocks or something, weren't it? Well, yeah, without a couple of things. Well, obviously, our friend right, sorry, our friend is straight. Yeah, of course. Right, so we're just going as wing mint woman vibes, but that's it.

SPEAKER_01 39:25

Yeah, we're just going for the cocktails and she's going for the cock. So we'll leave you with that, guys. But what a nice little episode there. Because it's silly, it opens the gates for the lesbian community and you know the LGBTQ. But it's everyone goes through it, and even if you're a man, like please tell me if you are a guy and welcome if you're here, love the fact you're here, love that for you. Tell me how that goes.

SPEAKER_03 39:49

Yeah, please.

SPEAKER_01 39:49

Please tell me how like the male fucking dating scene is because I am so invested.

SPEAKER_03 39:55

Are you like lesbians? Do you go full frontal? Yeah. Are you married within the first like four months?

SPEAKER_01 40:00

Please, guys, like honestly, I'll I would be life made if I could get a bit more. Because I say it's foreign to us. We don't really have gay male friends. No, we don't, actually. Um, we're all about the pussy. So patrol. Passe patrol.

SPEAKER_03 40:17

But we'll leave you on that note. Yeah. And catch you on the next one.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

It will be, so it'll be episode four, won't it? Jesus Christ. It will be.

SPEAKER_01 40:26

Catch you later, guys.