No Lonely Roads
We're here to help you feel less alone through honest conversations about motherhood, mental health, anxiety, panic attacks, marriage, and everyday life. Every episode should leave someone feeling less alone than when they pressed play.
No Lonely Roads
Episode 2: Recap & Ashley’s Anxiety Roadmap
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I don't know if we're going to work.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_01All right. Welcome back to another episode of No Lonely Roads. Um, we just want to say thank you to everyone who watched the first episode and shared it and liked it and got it out there because we never thought that it would reach more than just our community.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01Um, and we've reached several countries, which is wild. So wild.
SPEAKER_00Like they downloaded our podcast. Like they didn't just watch it, they downloaded it.
SPEAKER_01We have 39 downloads.
SPEAKER_00That's amazing. That is amazing. And if you didn't know, um, we are now on all of the platforms, right? Okay. YouTube.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Um, that's where you will see like the live video, or not live, but the video version of it. Right. Um, and then you have Apple Podcasts and Spotify. So if there's something that y'all watch on that you would rather watch on besides those, let us know and we can get it out there for you.
SPEAKER_00We're learning. But yes, I with Allison, like thanks for listening. We're new to this, we're learning. Um, you know, we're talking about hard stuff too. So like we're being extra vulnerable. So we appreciate just like the the love and the likes and the shares, and it's insane too, because Allison is like really good at reels. I am not good at them. She's like, send me a video of yourself. I am so awkward. So she's really good at them, and her reels are like going viral.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's that's wild.
SPEAKER_00Wild to me. So follow our Instagram, watch her reels, share our reels. Like they're funny too. Um, like yesterday, Allison like posted one about how she has anxiety, but yet her tank is on empty um in my car.
SPEAKER_01Empty light doesn't tell you how many miles is left empty.
SPEAKER_00And she's sitting in a parking block with her car on. So yeah, just follow, follow that as well. Um, because that's how we get, you know, obviously more attention on our podcast too.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, so that's the other thing. When we're not releasing podcasts, yeah, we still want to reach y'all. So that's why we're posting all that stuff on our social media.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01And it seems to be that relatable.
SPEAKER_00No, yeah, people like it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, also, what Ashley was saying is we're learning, but we want y'all to see the raw real us. So just so y'all know, just like the last episode that we recorded, that was our first try. And you know what? We went with it because we want y'all to see the raw real us. Right. And if we mess up, we mess up. Like, you know, we're humans. We're humans. Yeah. So, with that being said, it that is that confirms why this podcast was needed because there are so many of you out there that are loving it and needing to hear it and sharing it with people that need to hear it. Um, but also, did you get any feedback from the first episode?
SPEAKER_00From uh from a few customers. I had a few customers reach out um that were like, oh my gosh, I struggle too. Like, y'all are so relatable. This is that I've needed this. Um, I I got a lot of that type of feedback. Um, I also a lot of my customers are busy moms, just like we're busy moms, and they were like, finally, a podcast that is not just about our busyness, but about how we feel about that busy busyness and what that does to our day-to-day anxiety and daily life. So all the feedback I got was very positive.
SPEAKER_02Okay, good.
SPEAKER_00Which felt good because it's like, okay, it's validating that like this whole no lonely roads, you know, motto and logo is definitely what it's about.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And us feeling nervous and embarrassed to talk about it. You know, it it just it does it validates why we're doing it.
SPEAKER_00Correct.
SPEAKER_01Um, some feedback that I got was more just look at the camera.
SPEAKER_00So we're trying.
SPEAKER_01Let me go back. Let me go back. We were not going to do video on the first episode. We were. We recorded it just to record it. Yep. But our microphones were not working that day, and we did not have all of our equipment. So our ducks were not in a row. No, but I was able to get the video to match up with our voice recording, and we went with it. So that's why we were not looking at the camera, but we were gonna do better at that. We are, yes. Um touching back on the first episode, we did tell uh tell you who we were, but we're so much more than our names, and because this has reached so much bigger community than just around here where people kind of know us, right? Um, I kind of just want to talk about who we are.
SPEAKER_00Like, yeah. I mean, like it was insane to me. We had people in like Virginia, yeah. And um Brazil. Brazil, like I and y'all have no idea who we are.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, I say and we're not just Ashley and Allison, we're more than that.
SPEAKER_00Who we are. So got a lot going on, okay?
SPEAKER_01Hi, I'm Allison. Um, I'm 34 years old. I'm a stay-at-home mom. Um our girls just started kindergarten. Um, so I have a five-year-old, and I will be married for seven years this September. Yep. Good thing about that. Um, to my husband Donnie. So yeah, that's a little bit more about me. I mean, that oh, and we're from Texas. You probably need to know that.
SPEAKER_00Um, yeah. And I'm Ashley. Um, same thing, daughter that's five. She just started kindergarten. Um, I have been married to my husband 10 years this July. Um, and together with him for 15 years, uh, we met in college. Um, and so yeah, and we live in Rockwell, Texas, um, just down the road from Allison and her family. Um, so yeah, that's a little bit about me. We're glad you're here. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Let's uh let's play a little fun game. Okay. Okay. I'm nervous.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_01Um, all right. My anxiety is anxiety. Okay. What is your go-to coffee order?
SPEAKER_00Uh, well, okay. So depends on the day. Depends on the day. So I love a good iced skinny vanilla latte. But if I'm not filling coffee, I've been really into the peach green tea. Oh. But without the lemonade. Because the lemonade makes it so sweet. From Starbucks? From Starbucks. So, but I was telling Allison before we hopped on here that my husband, he has like order anxiety, I guess you could call it. Yeah. So for me, I'm it just like rolls off the tongue. But one time I was like coaching him, like I was like, you got this. Like we were in the drive-thru and I was like, you can do this. And he's like, I'm I got this. I was like, iced skinny vanilla latte. It's like iced skinny vanilla latte. And he gets up to the window, and I'm like dead silent. And he goes, I need a um a tea, uh iced uh the what is it? He's like looking at me. I'm like, I didn't even say tea. I said iced skinny vanilla latte. So we laugh every now, every time now because he cannot order Starbucks. Like, there, I have to, if he's gonna go to Starbucks for me, I have to text it to him and he has to read it.
SPEAKER_01Well, that's better than us because anytime we're in the drive-thru, I just crawl over don't and order things. Yeah. So what's yours? So a lot of people don't know this about me, but I like coffee, but I'm sensitive to the caffeine.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So, and recently I've been drinking a lot more Starbucks, but I get the iced caramel macchiato.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's what I used to get.
SPEAKER_01With soy milk and decaf.
SPEAKER_00Okay. My mom drinks a lot of decaf. So good coffee. It's amazing. You get it ice, though. Iced, yes. Okay, yeah. I don't drink soy. Oh, I'm gonna try that. Oh, soy good.
SPEAKER_01Soy milk. Okay. That's because I'm latch is tolerant, but kind of not anymore. Same time.
SPEAKER_00So no, that's Allie. Allie's the same way.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, all right. What's your favorite fast food?
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_01I bet I can I bet you can guess mine.
SPEAKER_00I know. It's probably the same as mine. Yeah. Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A. I don't even really consider Chick-fil-A fast food. Like it is fast food, but like it's the Lord's food, remember? It is. And it's like, it's like glorified fast food, like bougie fast food. So good.
SPEAKER_01You know? I can eat it.
SPEAKER_00What do you mean? What's it wait?
SPEAKER_01We well, we well.
SPEAKER_00It depends on the day.
SPEAKER_01It depends on the day, but also like the lettuce situation that's going on.
SPEAKER_00Yes, that kind of hinders what you get.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like I love their cob salad with the nuggets on it. Yes. So good. I love their cool wrap, but I also love some nuggets.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna tell you what. That spicy chicken sandwich with Colby Jack cheese.
SPEAKER_01See, I'm not a chicken sandwich.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, but the spicy?
SPEAKER_01See, that's what Donnie gets. He loves that.
SPEAKER_00I am I could, yep.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Um morning person or night owl?
SPEAKER_00Oh, morning person.
SPEAKER_01Not me.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I know. I'm a terrible morning person. Oh, it's so funny because people will text me at like nine and be like, I know you're asleep, you'll see this in the morning.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I'm like, correct. And I'll text back at like 6 a.m. And then they'll I know that they're asleep. Like you.
SPEAKER_01I just saw something the other day. You can schedule text messages. So like if you think that person's asleep, you can schedule it to send the next morning. I have no idea. It's a cool thing ever heard. I heard about it on the radio. Yeah. Um, let's see. Yeah, I don't know. That's about it, probably. I mean favorite animal, but we both probably know that's a dog.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah, absolutely. Um I mean, I live with a monster dog.
SPEAKER_01I would say, yeah. I would say uh favorite soda, but you don't drink soda.
SPEAKER_00Not really. I mean, I like randomly will drink a sprite. But Dr. Pepper baby! I know, I know Dr.
SPEAKER_01Pepper Girl. All right, well, let's get into today's episode, which is Ashley's anxiety roadmap. Um, so we're gonna talk about kind of where her anxiety started and um navigate through it.
SPEAKER_00It's unique, it's weird, yeah. Wild.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Also, lost a nail just now. You need to glue it back on.
SPEAKER_00Y'all, funny story. It's fine, it's fine. Funny story. Allison was I have out we have our each other's location. Oh yes. And yesterday she I was running to Hobby Lobby, and I like noticed that her location had been in the same spot for like 20 minutes. And when I say location, like an odd location, like she was in the parking lot of roses, which she's never ate roses, but in the very back, but in the very back, and I'm like, okay, well, she she doesn't eat roses, so she's not at roses, but she's in the parking lot, but she's not at Costco either. So what is she doing? So I go to uh Hobby Lobby and I'm like, okay, if she's still in the parking lot after Hobby Lobby, I'm just gonna go check on her. So, and I've been going to Starbucks to get some work done. She was still there, and I was like, Okay, I gotta check on this girl. So I pull into the parking lot and there she is, and I'm like, okay, she's in the car, she's alive. That's good. And I pull up, like roll down my window. I'm like, what are you doing? She like rolls down her window and she's like, I'm in my therapy session. And I started dying laughing. I go, okay, call me after. Just call me after. So she calls me after, and I go back over there to talk to her, and she was missing nails.
SPEAKER_01So she had this super glue.
SPEAKER_00She's super glued.
SPEAKER_01I went to Dollar Tree right after that and got some super glue, and now it's in my car, and yeah, so we're good. Love it. Oh my gosh. Okay. So wait, before you start. Okay, yeah. Let me just make sure this is still recording.
unknownOkay. Sorry.
SPEAKER_00No, you're okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay, yeah, we're good. It is?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Okay. So we just want to start with like how it happened, I guess.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so you can go back as far as you can pinpoint, I guess. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Oh no, I have I have pinpoint. Yeah. Okay, so before this all kind of began for me, um, I would say that I am a very uptight person. I'm very type A. Um, very, I like to be in control. I worry, I'm a worrywart through and through. Like, if it needs a worry, it don't worry. I got it. Like, I'm gonna worry about it. Same. Um, and so I've always been that way. I've always also been super high energy. Like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Um, and so I've always been high strung. I wouldn't necessarily say I've always had anxiety. I've just always been very high strung and very much a worrier. Um up until last August 7th, so not this past August, last August, so August 2025, day before my birthday, which was August 6th, um, I had to go present to a um a school in Dallas. Um, and when I say present to a school, so I work um remotely for a curriculum company. Used to be a um a school assistant principal in Mesquite, which if you don't know where Mesquite is, it's about you know 30 minutes, 20, 30 minutes from Dallas. Um, and I transitioned after having Allie into um this remote position working for a curriculum company. And so randomly I have to go to trainings for schools. So I got dressed, went to my training for the school, and I'm in the middle of training this school, and I'm like thinking to myself, my mouth is so dry. Like I don't know why my mouth is so dry. Like I've done this a million times, and it gets so dry to the point where I literally I literally can't swallow. And for the first time in my entire life, panic sets in because I am in front of this, I'm in this classroom, I'm in front of this this group of people, and I had my counterpart with me who like not insanely close to her. So like I don't want to be like, hey, I'm panicking.
SPEAKER_01That's where the embarrassment comes in.
SPEAKER_00Right. And also I've never had this happen to me ever. Like, I I when I say panic set in, I was like, I have to, I have to get out of here. So I looked at her, I was like, hey, I got I've got to step in the hallway. So step in the hallway, and because the swallow I couldn't swallow, it kept happening. So then I'm like trying to find a water fountain, I'm trying to find a bathroom. I'm in a school I've never been in. And the panic sets in even worse. Heart racing. I'm sweating, I'm shaking at this point, and I'm like, I can't go back in. Like, there, there's no way.
SPEAKER_01Full blown panic attack.
SPEAKER_00Full blown panic attack. And I'd never had one. And I and then I'm thinking to myself, what is wrong with me? Like, calm down. And I can't. That's the worst feature. I can't. I can't calm down. And I have never in my life had to just leave. So I walked in and I said, I don't even remember what I said to her. It was like outer body experience. I said something to the fact of like, I've got to go, whatever, I'll explain later. Grab my bag and I walk to my car. I get to my car and I am still shaking. I am learning now, which we can talk a little bit more about later, but I'm learning now in therapy that the reason the car is such a trigger for me now, which I'll talk, I'll elaborate on, um, is because my very first panic attack, I had to get in the car right after and drive home. So I get in my car at this point. I'm in Dallas. I have to drive back to Rockwall. And at this point, I just want to get home. Like I just I don't know what's going on with my body. I just want to get home. Well, it kept happening. The swallow stuff kept happening. And I don't know if you've ever in your life choked or not been able to swallow, but it is terrifying. Like probably the worst feeling. You you really do feel like you're in a life or death suffocation situation. And um, I remember, I mean, I vaguely remember driving home because when you're in a panic attack, you're almost in this like tunnel vision.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I just remember thinking to myself, just get home. Just get home, just get home. The whole way home, I'm shaking, heart racing. And I remember calling my friend Priscilla, one of my one of my best friends, Priscilla, and being like, I don't know what's happening to me, but I need to come over. I'm not gonna make it all the way home.
SPEAKER_01That's what I was about to say. I don't know how you drove all the way home.
SPEAKER_00I I really I don't remember much. And so I get to her house, because her house, she's in like the right in the front of Rockwall. Like I live, we live in like the country Rockwall. And I'm like, I'm not gonna make it. So I stop at Priscilla's house and she's like, you're having a panic attack. And I'm like, oh my gosh. And that is where it all started. Um, but the wild thing is, is that was August 7th. I mean August 6th, August 7th was my birthday. I woke up and still had like literally no saliva. Like it was the wildest thing. I had the most dry mouth, and I was like, what is wrong with me? Then my mouth started hurting. Like my tongue started hurting, my mouth started hurting, and I was like, okay, something might actually be wrong. So on my birthday, 2025, I went to urgent care and I was like, something's wrong. I can't swallow, my mouth is dry, whatever. So come to find out, I had had thrush. Um, I had probably had it for a few days, which is why my mouth was so dry. Had you ever had it before? I did. I had had it a few years beforehand. Um, so basically, you can get thrushed. Um, if you had been on an antibiotic for a certain amount of time, sometimes it can build up bacteria in your mouth and basically causes a bacterial infection. So I found out I had thrushed, and she was like, You have to get on this like 10-day basically a mouthwash, is what it is. Um, but it can get scary because it can you can get it in your mouth, but then you can also get it in your esophagus. So I had it in both, which is why I couldn't swallow. So I do the I do the 10-day um medicine and it it got, I mean, it cleared up. What didn't clear up was the panic, the swallowing. So that turned into that whole thrush experience, not being able to swallow, being in front of a crowd, actually turned into an even bigger problem where I wouldn't eat in front of people. I wouldn't go out to eat. If I did, I didn't eat. Um and I lost a lot of weight. It was it that was probably the part that was the most scary was that I was not eating.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, it was even so bad some days that I wouldn't even eat in my own home by myself. Because you're scared. Because I was like, what if I choke, no one's home, and I would try to start eating, and then the thoughts would hit.
SPEAKER_01That actually happens to me in the car.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, what if I'm in the car by myself and I choke? So I I don't eat in the car um anymore. You know, I actually I was proud of myself because I was in a rush yesterday to go. I had work meetings and then I had to go to therapy, and I like hadn't eaten. And I was like, I gotta eat something. And I told my therapist yesterday, I was like, I ate in the car on the way to therapy. That's a win. That's a win. And she was like, Yes, we did it. Um, so I'll kind of transition that into how my anxiety has kind of unraveled. So it went from um large crowds, couldn't do it. Car, couldn't do it for the longest time. I had no idea why I couldn't handle the car. And now that I'm working through this um cognitive behavioral therapy that I'm going to, I'm learning that um it's because of the trauma that I was in in the car.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Which is wild. You know, I had really only thought about the moment of me being in front of the the being in front of the school, yeah, choking. I hadn't thought about me being in a panic getting in the car.
SPEAKER_01Right. So which makes sense.
SPEAKER_00Right. And so now, so I'll kind of I'll kind of talk about how I've how the I've gone through waves, I guess is what what you could call it. So starting out, like I said, I wouldn't go to restaurants. If I did, I didn't eat. I wouldn't eat in my own house. Um, I was I was basically making myself be in a liquid diet situation. So, like mashed potatoes, I would eat. Um, I would drink a protein shake, which I said I would never drink a protein shake ever again after having Allie because I was having to see that um fetal specialist because she wasn't growing. They were making me drink like two protein shakes a day. It was insane. Um, but I basically had put myself on this liquid diet. And because I am such a social person, um, I was no longer allowing myself to go do things. So I've I put myself in this entrapment.
SPEAKER_02You're isolating.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I really, I, I would only I I would cancel appointments. I would um show up to appointments and be like, can't go. Yep. And not, and I wouldn't go. Um there were days where um I wouldn't leave the house because I couldn't drive. Because what if I get in the car and then I can't swallow and then I have a panic attack and I have to pull over and then someone has to come get me, or whatever the case may be.
SPEAKER_01So the mind does crazy things.
SPEAKER_00The mind does crazy things, and it's it is wild how long I lived with it before I allowed certain people to know just how bad it was. Embarrassed. I am embarrassed.
SPEAKER_01Why? Why is it like that? Right.
SPEAKER_00I was super embarrassed. And I was at a point in my life. Um, I would say, so that happened August 7th. I would say right around Christmas time, I started to be like, this is this is affecting my life to the point where like I'm unhealthy. Yeah. I'm I'm extremely unhealthy. My mind is not right, my body is not right. I've lost so much weight. I um I won't be social anymore. Like if you know me, I'm a very social person. Um, and I'm a yeser. Like I say, I even when I even when I no, I shouldn't, I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'll do that. Then the day comes and I'm like, why did I what was I thinking? Yeah. Um, but I'm also a I I am a follow-througher too. Like I'm like, no, I I signed up for this, I'm doing it. So when I started to not do the things that I signed up for or the things that normally would really make me happy, I was like, something's wrong with me.
SPEAKER_01So it's affecting daily life. Absolutely, yeah.
SPEAKER_00A daily life. Um I mean it it would get to a point where I I mean I'm a foodie. I love to eat out. And I'd be like, hey, what do you want, what do you want for dinner tonight? I'm like, I'm not leaving the house. I'm not going to a restaurant. Or if we would go to a restaurant, I it was it's wild. I can kind of laugh about it now because I've gotten a lot better. But um for a while, it was we would go to a restaurant and I'd be like, okay, but we have can we sit over here? And I my back has to face people because like if they see me eat, they can't see me eat.
SPEAKER_01So you were accommodating just to do it.
SPEAKER_00Oh wild, wild stuff. And so right around Christmas time was when I was like, this is bad. Like bad. And um I stopped going to church because of the large crowd. Um, didn't want to go to the grocery store. Um, it just things like that. And so I really put myself in this kind of like depression without being depressed. Yeah, you know, like I'm not depressed because I am still a happy person.
SPEAKER_01I know exactly that feeling.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like I'm I'm still happy. I mean, I'm not depressed, but I'm trapped in my house. Yeah, yeah. Weird. And so, and I had never been like that, and so um I remember thinking, I've gotta get out of this. Like something is up. So Allison had been seeing her PCP, um, who had been helping her through her anxiety and getting on meds and figuring out the anxiety of getting on anxiety. Right, right, right, and working through which ones work. And um, what is even more wild is um I created this like pocket of people, like I was talking to my therapist about it yesterday, that were like my safe zone. So, like you knew about it, Priscilla knew about it, my friend Ali knew about it, Alec knew about it. And when I say knew about it, like knew the extent, yeah, knew how bad it was. Outside of that, no one had any idea that I was struggling. No one. Like, I it's it's it's crazy when you're in that fight or flight situation how hard you work to hide it.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like I would, I my like my parents, my parents would be like, hey, wanna do X, Y, and Z. There were times I was like, no, I don't. And I and you know, for the longest time, my parents are like, come to church with us, come to, you know, come to and I'm like, I want to so bad, but I can't go. I can't sit in there. What if what if I'm sitting in the you know, we go to Lake Point, it's massive. What if we're sitting in the middle and I have to get up, and then I'm making all these people get up, and then they're looking at me, and it's just a whole thing.
SPEAKER_01Well, and it's like to be able to tell somebody that actually understands, like right, and there's so many people out there that do not struggle with anxiety, and I love that for you.
SPEAKER_00I me too.
SPEAKER_01And it's it's just the people that get it get it. Yeah, and there's nothing against people that don't, it's just the people that get it.
SPEAKER_00And I think what I think what helped so much about my circle, because it did finally get to a point where if I knew that the person knew what I was dealing with, I could be around them and I could eat with them, and I could like I'll never forget the day you came over and we had Jimmy Johns.
SPEAKER_02I was thinking about that.
SPEAKER_00No, we had so uh Allison and Sage came over and we had Jimmy Johns, and I had not been eating in front of anybody, and I was a little nervous, but I knew that I knew that Allison knew what I was going through.
SPEAKER_01And if something happened, like I wouldn't be like, okay, we're weird, okay.
SPEAKER_00You're joking on your joking on your sandwich over then. So I sat we sat down on the patio and we're eating, and I get like halfway through my sandwich, and I'm like, you're like the first person I've eaten in front of other than Alex. So you were like, what? Yeah. I was like, yeah, I'm really proud of myself. So that was just a proud moment. So there were moments where I would, if I knew that they knew, I would go eat with them. And so I think what got me to a point where I entrusted in that group of people was they actually saw it. Like, I've seen you have a panic attack, you've seen me have a panic attack. Priscilla has seen me have a panic attack. So is Alec. They have seen it because they're around me every day. And so I think when you're exposed to it, um you you have a different mindset of, oh my gosh, that was real. Yeah. Like that was scary. I mean, there's been times where I've shown up to Priscilla's house and I I'm I'm I'm on a different planet and having to calm me down, talk me down. Um, and so it's if you've never seen it or never felt it or never walked through it, then I could see how it is hard to understand. Um, but I I relied on this, you know, this circle of people. Um, and what is so crazy to me, and I I want y'all, you know, if you're listening and you're like, man, I have hid my anxiety. I have um honestly, my anxiety got worse.
SPEAKER_01And that's what happens.
SPEAKER_00And so, and and my therapist and I were talking about that, is my anxiety almost like tripled because I was so caught up in this mindset of what do they think? What what if that happens in front of them? Well, what what if I have to get up at the dinner table? Yeah, y'all, who freaking cares? Yeah, I'm at the point now. Um, if you're hearing this and you are going through anxiety right now, or you've been hiding from it, um, or you only have certain people who know, air it out, girls. Yeah, men, whoever.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Oh, that's a huge thing. I do want to say it's not just males, it's not just moms. No, there is guys out there that struggle with this.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes. And that's you know, it's I was talking to my husband the other day. I and I'm super social. I could talk to a wall, literally, probably have. Um that's hilarious. I probably have talked to a wall at some point in my life. Um, but I mean, I talk to myself all the time. And I was talking to Alec the other day. He was like, Yeah, you know, like I like to take you to social events because you'll just talk to anybody.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And he doesn't love big social events because he kind of has a little bit of social anxiety.
SPEAKER_01Um like me and Alec are the same, and you and Bonnie are the same.
SPEAKER_00Yes. I mean, I could walk in a room and be like, what's up? Um, but Alec, you know, he goes to these conferences and and these big work events and stuff, and he's like, God, I just want to go home. And me, I'm like, I'm ready. This is great. This is great. And so it, you know, it and everyone has different types of anxiety. Um, I mean, I I guarantee you, when we started this episode, you didn't think that I was gonna talk about my anxiety starting from swallowing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00But here we are.
SPEAKER_01So it starts somewhere, right?
SPEAKER_00It does. And and I at that moment, like that, and so you know, it creates triggers too. And um, I'm learning in therapy what my triggers are. And right now, one of my biggest triggers is the car. And it's because I've experienced a traumatic situation that did make me feel fight or flight in the car. Um, and so I've been working through that with just taking shorter trips. Um, I was really proud of myself because Alec asked me on Saturday, hey, do you want to go to Katie Trail?
SPEAKER_01Oh, I know, I saw that. I was so proud of you. I was so proud of me.
SPEAKER_00I was so proud of myself. Y'all, it's little things. So I have been avoiding highways. Um, it's like if I get on the highway, what if I can't get off? What if there's a wreck and then I'm stuck, and then I'm panicking. So I've been taking side roads everywhere.
SPEAKER_01That's so funny. And it has really worked. I could, I could, yeah. I will talk about that in mind. Yeah, yes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's such a thing. And so on Saturday, I took two highways.
SPEAKER_01Were you driving?
SPEAKER_00No. Oh, I but lately I haven't even been able to get a passenger. So I got on 30 and I got on 75. And then we're reps on both of them. Oh. And I thought I God was testing you that day. God was testing you. And Alec just kept, he was like, You're doing great. You're doing good. You're doing good. I made it to KD Trail.
SPEAKER_01And I'm I would have saved that Saturday. Uh-huh. You didn't call me.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_01Which means you mean it.
SPEAKER_00Right. I know. I know normally I have to call Allison or Priscilla, whichever one can answer at the moment. Yeah. Um, and so no, I was I was proud of myself in that moment. So I say all this to say that if you're in an anxiety part of your life, right? Because it it some days are great, some months are great, some years are better, you know, it just depends. If you're in in that I was like this. Yes, if you're in that wave right now that just seems like you can't get out, be nice to yourself. Um, my therapist had me create goals.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, and I just, y'all, I just started therapy. So I'll kind of talk a little bit about that too. It did finally get to a point. I went to Allison's PCP. Um, I had gotten with her, started some medication, um, and then it did get to a point where she said, I do think you need to go talk to somebody and do some cognitive behavioral therapy, which cognitive behavioral therapy, if y'all don't know what that is, it is basically therapy, but like therapy on steroids. So I'm in therapy, but it's retraining my brain, retraining it's weird, retraining like my muscles um to not panic when I swallow. So it's wild. Um, and so my therapist had me create three goals. And um, my three goals, I really think y'all could probably relate to, um anyone really can. My first goal was to be kinder to myself and to give myself grace. Because, like I said, I was in a state where I was getting mad at myself that I was so worked up that it wasn't getting better. Yeah, it was getting worse. And so when you're when you're mad at yourself and you're in that fight or fly panic situation, that doesn't help anything. Yeah, so I'm really working on being like, you're panicking. It's okay. You're fine. Right. You're okay, you're that's normal. Yeah, you don't want to go to the grocery store today, don't.
SPEAKER_01It's fine. That's what it goes back to this quote that you've survived 100% of the things that you panicked about.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I still hear that. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, so that's my first goal. My second goal was to learn my triggers and to not be negative about my triggers. So when all of this started happening, I was really, really negative about the whole thing. Like my mindset. I went outwardly, I would be like, God, I'm so mad. I would tell Alec, I don't even know how many times I said, I'm so mad at myself, I'm so mad at myself. And he's like, that's not helping. You know, take a breather, whatever. So then I started to learn what my triggers were. So, you know, the car or the um church, um, things like that. And now instead of being so mad at myself and being negative about it and being like in my brain, because if you have anxiety, you know that your brain automatically goes to the negative what-ifs. Yep. And so now I'm really trying to focus on the positive what-ifs. So I'll give you an example, and this may help somebody. Um, church. Okay. I've talked about it many times. We go to Lake Point, it's full, it's busy, it's chaos. Okay. But I love Pastor Josh and I love his podcasts and I love his sermons. And I love that my kid gets excited about going to the kinder class, and I don't want to take that from her because of me. So I, Alec and I have really been working on we're going. I'm not gonna sit in big church because I can't right now, and that's okay. Yep. But my positive what if is what if we sit outside on the couches, watch the screen, still get to hear the music because the doors are open. We get church and my kid gets church. Yep. And I actually get to listen to the sermon and be in church without sitting there only thinking about what if I panic. Right. So that's the way to kind of flip your positive what if or your negative what if. Um, and you know, I'm working towards like if I'm in the car, what if I panic? What if I panic? Pull over. It's fine. Go in the gas station, walk around a minute. So I'm starting to learn that it's normal. Like you're normal.
SPEAKER_01You're not broken.
SPEAKER_00You're not broken. And you're just going through it. You're just going through it. And so that's that's how mine started. It's a wild story. Um it's I I I say it's funny. It's funny now because I uh I joke now because well if you don't laugh, then you cry, you know. I joke now because like um someone said something to me the other day, and I was like, oh yeah, no, I I like have swallow anxiety, so I might panic at any given moment. They just looked at me and I was like, I'm serious.
SPEAKER_01This is not a joke.
SPEAKER_00This is not a joke, but it's it I can laugh about it now because man, I've been through it. Um, and so my when my birthday came around this August, it was like, man, I've been battling this for a year and what a wild ride it's been. Oh yeah, like wild ride, y'all.
SPEAKER_01And it's kind of like a blur.
SPEAKER_00It is, yeah. And then I look back and I'm like, man, I really have mentally battled it out the last year, and a lot of people didn't know. Oh yeah. Like, a lot of people didn't know. And when when they find out, they're like, oh my gosh, how did you function as a mom? Yeah, how did you own a business? How do you work a full-time job? How do you coach T ball?
SPEAKER_01How do you that's one thing about Ashley? She does all the things. Yeah, I've told her a thousand times, I don't know how you do everything that you do.
SPEAKER_00It's a lot, yeah. Speaking of which, I have to go to Allie's school today to make copies for her teachers.
SPEAKER_01Because she's a yes girl. Because I'm a yes girl.
SPEAKER_00But no, I I love to help people, and so and I love to be there for people. I would consider myself a very loyal person to my people, and um it's it really hindered that in my life, which made me so sad. Like there were days where I would have to cancel plans, and I'm I don't I don't like to do that. And you feel guilty, you do, you do, and you wear it, and that just doesn't make it better. Yeah, it doesn't, it it makes it way worse. Um, and it actually made me flare up more, yeah. Because I was so down on myself. Um, yeah, it it's just been a it's been a journey. Yeah, do I miss anything?
SPEAKER_01I don't think so.
SPEAKER_00Man, that's like the it's like the first time I've really like talked through the entire thing. Yeah. Um, but yeah, it's it's one of those where whether you have this like monumental moment like I did, yeah, when it hit me and I could not go back and could not get past it, um, or you've just had long-term anxiety that just that means that really just came out of nowhere, you know. And I love that we have such different stories. I love that because like mine was triggered by this like one single incident where I couldn't swallow, and yours is is different, which we'll talk about Allison's too, but your yours is it yours is very different. Yeah, and I love that we get to give both perspectives because there could be people going through something like mine, and there could be some people going through something like yours, and so we get to help two very different paths of anxiety, yeah. Um, but yeah, that's how it all started. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So on our next episode, we're gonna go through my anxiety roadmap and I'm gonna talk about all of it.
SPEAKER_00So I'm excited. Yeah. Because I haven't even really, which I know Allison knew a lot of my story, which there's some things that she probably hadn't heard. Um, but I'm excited to hear yours.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's a lot. Drum and we're a lot. I'm into that. Um, okay, so we hope this episode uh leaves you feeling less alone than when you press play. Yep. And uh we'll see you back at the next one. See you next time.
unknownBye.