Ep. 2 From Blame to Agency with David Fisher

Struggling with depression, near homelessness, and deep self doubt, David realized that no matter whose fault it was, it was up to him to change himself.

Through education, research, mentors, and lived experience, he learned that the keys to overcoming life's challenges are found in mental wellness, vulnerability, and connection. It became clear that by connecting deeply with his true self and with others, he could rise above any obstacle.

Today, David is an award winning international keynote speaker, workshop facilitator, executive communications coach, and author who guides companies, institutions, and everyday leaders in fostering A Culture of Us, where human connection is the key to overcoming any challenge and where teams and communities can thrive together in unity.

Connect with David

Website: https://www.davidfisher.world/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidfisherworld/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/davidfisher.world/
Email: david@davidfisher.world

Resources Mentioned

• A Culture of Us
• Sales for People Who Don't Like Sales

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:18

Welcome to Fry Girl Fundamentals. I'm Mildred Hill. I believe some of life's greatest leadership lessons come from unlikely places. For me, that journey started at the Fry Station. Each week, we'll have honest conversations about leadership, growth, resilience, and the people who shape us along the way. Whether you lead a team, a business, or simply want to become a better version of yourself. I'm glad you're here. Let's get into it. Thanks for joining Fry Queer Fundamentals. Today we have David Fisher on the show. Super excited. I found David from a magazine article. And the magazine article was basically talking about AI. And you're not AI, stop communicating like one was the actual title. And so what stuck with me was one line in the article: the irony at the center of the AI revolution, the more we use machines to communicate forest, the more bland and disconnected we become. And so that really resonated with me. So, David, tell me, where did this article come from?

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Yeah, great question. As a communication expert, I've spent decades in communication keynotes and workshops. I was an actor. Human connection is really important to me. And one of the things that AI I noticed just even anecdotally was just that people were starting to lean into AI to solve issues, like use it to communicate for them. AI has certainly has its benefits, but but it shouldn't replace human communication. So I started researching that as well, and that's where I found out that a lot of things we all kind of we all kind of go to the AI kind of aggregates everything and then just takes an average. So when we're communicating with AI, we kind of get the average of everybody. We take out culture and age and everything, and it's just we just kind of get this sort of bland humanity. And where's the creativity? Where's the struggling to find the words when you're having a difficult conversation? Like all of that is gone. And the benefits of that allow for human connection and growth. And if we just make everything kind of the same, then you know our growth is going to be hindered as well. So that's been a passion of mine as a communication person to be able to not use AI to replace the way we connect with each other.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

That's so profound. I will tell you, I very much enjoyed, I went down a rabbit hole on your website. Um the culture of us. Yeah. Talk to me about where that came from and what what's your mission?

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Oh man, what a good question. Uh it the it went on a journey. Uh I've been speaking for over a decade, almost two decades, uh, a decade professionally, and did felt like there was there was something missing and a level of empowerment in the way I branded things. I was teaching empowerment and how we communicate with ourselves, but it wasn't really, it wasn't really a part of my my sort of out there, out to the world message. And so I got together with my my videographer, my my branding person, and we just started talking through things and coming up with ideas, and some things stuck and some things didn't, and and we we landed on something that didn't really work. And so we just kind of sat, and this is where this is where we didn't we used AI to help us brainstorm. We didn't use AI to replace or kind of come up with the idea, but we're like, hey, what are some ideas you know that you could kind of help just sort of generate for us? And so it sort of was part of our dream dream brainstorming session as kind of the assistant. Um but we really just had hours and hours of conversation, and and one of the one of the the messages for me that that's really strong is that all of us can get better, all of us can communicate better, all of us in a business and an organization can communicate better, and fully understanding that I'm a mostly white, mostly straight male, that there are other people and audiences and cultures and stuff that might have more hurdles, but the lessons can be ubiquitous. We can all help each other, we can all kind of encourage each other up the mountain to whatever that looks like. Maybe it's greater connection, maybe it's building a business, maybe it's starting a family, whatever it is, there's there's this communication aspect and connection aspect. And so a culture of us was birthed. It was actually his idea, um, my videographer's idea, to create that to say, hey, we're not this and that and sort of this divided world. We're actually all together. And can we communicate that within an organization? Communicate that within a community, and so we sort of take a step back and take a breath and go, hey, yeah, we're all kind of in this together. Let's let's see what we can do.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

So profound, and I love that. With that, you know, I am a restaurant girl by nature. Um coined myself the fry girl, right? At McDonald's, if you don't know, it even starts at the fry station, no matter what. And so every great leader I have found has a fry station moment. What is yours?

SPEAKER_01 5:15

It actually started not, it was really kind of a a job that I never got. And so my my fry station was not the the frying, it wasn't the the the the mowing lawns in high school. It was it was me coming to Vancouver as as an actor. I just gotten into the Screen Actors Guild and I had a job lined up in Vancouver that actually, you know, I had I was in communications and leadership and sales and sales training and management and all this stuff, but I had this, but I also wanted to be an actor. So I kind of had split energy. And coming to Vancouver, there was a job that they were like, you're perfect for this, and it was in the film industry, and they would want me to go on additions. So I would get paid a normal income, which is great for a family, as well as being like, Yes, go be off with you, go addition to things, go go because it makes us look better. Um, and the job fell through. Uh after I moved up here, it fell through. And Vancouver is one of the most expensive cities in the world, and it wasn't long before I lost my investments, my savings, my car. Uh I lost my direction, my self-confidence, I lost who I was. And I was walking by, you know, when things like come at you and and your your tendency sometimes, I mean g generic you, but but your tendency sometimes is to blame. And and I was kind of blaming everybody, including myself. But I walked by a homeless guy, and I had this just this clear voice that just says, What are you gonna do? Like you're nobody's coming to rescue you, so what are you gonna do about it? And I thought, I have to change. Regardless of whose fault it is, I need to change. And I changed from blame to agency and said, I have to take ownership of this. Because blame looks back and it's not a real good survival strategy, but agency allows me to say, okay, I don't have a lot of choices at the moment because I have no money, I'm nearly homeless, but I can start making choices. And that's when I started to sit down and and go on YouTube and listen to motivational videos and psychology and sociology and the stuff I studied in university. I started to go to a park and spend time in nature, and I couldn't afford a gym or a dojo or anything, so I'd I'd go for a run, I'd do push-ups in the grass at the park, like something just to get my body moving and change my input, my sensory input. You know, I quit listening to really sad, depressing, angry music and started listening to things that lifted me up a little bit more and just started that transformation. But it started passing by a homeless man in Vancouver with a red cup and just said, uh asking for money, and I and that voice that just came, you need to do something. You need to change to take care of your family. And suddenly that whole shift changed from looking back to looking forward, and that was my fry moment.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

I love that. I love that. That leads me to my next question. In your experience with the folks that you've worked with, what is the most common internal villain that um leaders face?

SPEAKER_01 8:00

I think it it varies a lot, and and I think a lot of it depends on personality. I think I think a lot of times people are intensely focused and they tend to forget, and I'm generalizing across broad spectrums, but intensely focused and they forget everything else. And so it's it's building a business, building a business, but you're but you're forgetting your health, you're forgetting your friends, you're forgetting your family, your community, um, your your your your your faith, whatever it might be, you're kind of forgetting all of these things. Um other times, and this is where I meet, I I lean toward and I have to be aware of, is that sometimes we place, we react in feelings rather than values. And so one of my one of my top values is health, mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health. And but I don't always feel like doing things that are healthy. And so it's like, oh, today's a gym day. Uh, okay, well, am I going to respond with that I'd rather just play video games? Or should I make a decision based on my values? And if I sit back and actually ask myself that question, then I can say, okay, do I actually need a rest day because my body's tired and I need to recover, or am I just basically just slacking off and I would just rather play video games? And if I can answer that question honestly, then I can make a decision then based on my values. And if it is just to stay home and play video games, then I've acknowledged it's a rest day, but what am I gonna do now tomorrow? And so I think either hyperfocus at the cost of everything else, or making decisions based on how you feel, and it's not big decisions, usually it's just little decisions. It's what am I what am I gonna eat for lunch that gives me energy for the rest of the day because I have a really busy day. And rather than grabbing a donut or something, maybe maybe you think of something that gives you a little bit energy that sustains you for a longer period. And so those are the things that usually I see a lot with teams and with leaders just making those little choices every day to be able to move forward.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

I love that you called that out because it is the it is the single choices, like a string of them, right? Yeah that get us to where um we whether it's a place we want to end up or whether a place that it's just taken us because we haven't made the right choices. So I love what you called that out.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Um I think I think we talked about or you covered early on that leadership starts, and I, you know, leadership is such a big word, I feel like that's overused, which is why I really want to focus on like the fundamentals. Um, but it starts with self, right? It starts with what we do, our choices. Can you share a time when you had to practice like really intense self-regulation?

SPEAKER_01 10:35

I don't know if I'm weird or what, but I but you know, I'm a speaker, I conduct workshops, but I also have I'm a coach, but I also have social anxiety. So I I love people, I love deep connections, but it also scares me. And every time before I go on stage, I have to I have to take some deep breaths. Um I usually go into the bathroom, you know, you don't want me on stage going, right? So so if you ever see me in the audience or you ever see me before I go on stage and then you don't see me, it's because I'm in like a bathroom stall going, okay, okay, I can do this. Um and part of it is is the breath is is so important because it allows us to pause from being reactive. And deep breaths, we also, when we're sleeping, we're relaxed and we breathe deeply. And so it hacks our brain to let us think, oh yeah, it's not that bad, because you're breathing like you're relaxed. So one of the most important things to do is just to breathe deeply. And I had an opportunity to work with um, I didn't I didn't know it until the last minute, but to coach a speech for one of the founders of Ethereum. Um he's not the main guy, but he's one of the coders. And so uh, and he was he was just a coder, he's just he's just a guy, uh, Eastern European guy that just suddenly built a code that built one of the largest cryptocurrencies in the world. And I knew nothing about cryptocurrency. But he wanted coaching on a speech. And when I found out, I went, oh my gosh, this is over my head. Like, who is this guy? This guy hangs out, you know, all over the world. You know, you can give away 99% of his money and is still richer than the rest of us. And I know we all have opinions about that, but the fact is that I felt absolutely inadequate, and so I had to just go take some breaths and say this is this is an opportunity, I'm excited about this opportunity, and actually I know something that this person doesn't, and that's how to communicate on a more effective level. He's a good communicator, but there's things that that I can show him because it's an ongoing process. There's things people could show me too. But those breaths really allowed me to calm down and to really tell my story that I'm not scared because we kind of have that fast heartbeat and high blood pressure, and we get tense and um the quick breathing, but we're also excited. And if and physiologically, it's kind of the same feeling in our body. So if we just tell ourselves the excited story, it doesn't take away the fear, and we don't want to completely ignore it. We want to be like, okay, let me let's examine why I might be feeling afraid. But we can start thinking about other things. And so I started just thinking deliberately. Here's why I'm excited about the opportunity to work with him. And I do that almost every time before I go on stage because when that fear kind of hits, I go, no, this is an opportunity for me to connect and for me to help other people. This is an exciting time for me, not fear. And sometimes I have to write it down. Here's all the reasons why I'm afraid, here's all the reasons why I'm excited. I saw the afraid, put it aside, read the excited stuff over and over again until I start just sort of almost a mantra getting into my brain, and that'll calm you down and allow you to lean into rather than run away from, you know, the situation. Um, so breath is really important, and then how you think about things can really make a difference.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Love that, love that. So, David, I had some time to look over your website, and at the very end, I saw, wait, this guy's written two books. So tell me about Rise of Us. And believe it or not, I I I already ordered sales for people who don't like sales. Talk to me about these two books.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Yeah, I'll start with the sales of people who don't love sales but have to do it anyway, uh, which was my first one. I've been in sales most of my life. I've been in sales training, sales management, and but I I I just kind of fell into it in university, just kind of getting getting a job. It was easy to get a job. I needed money and and you know, having a communication and acting propensity, you know, and and skill set in that and learning that even more, it was just a natural fit for me. Um But I didn't I didn't love it. I I didn't feel like, oh, this is this is my destiny, this is what I want to do. And yet that's what I've that's what I've done for actually most of my career. But it's because I started to see it not as sales, but as connection and influence. And one of the things that I talk about in that book first and foremost is you you have to love what you do. Like if you're if you're just after the after the money, and that's not a bad goal to have, but if you're just after the money, you're it and you're gonna sell anything, then you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna hurt yourself, right? It's not sustainable. So you have to believe in something. And if you believe in something, then you just it's all about making a connection. Um, there's that old phrase, always be closing, and I change it to say always be curious, be curious, ask another question, build a connection. And so my whole process of how I've trained sales teams uh is actually through that book. It's a little bit more of an interactive workbook where you can kind of it's it there's not really any places to write, but there's places to kind of reflect, and then I have a workbook that can kind of go with it for people who lead their teams. Um, and then I I do workshops that actually kind of take people through that process to say, well, let's reframe this, let's look at it a little bit differently. If you're an app builder or a business owner, but you're not a salesperson, you're a good plumber, but you got to build your business, how do I do that? These are some of the skills that you can actually adapt and say, let me not see it as sales if that is a negative word for me. Let me see it as building a connection with somebody. And here's the steps to be able to do that as as effectively as possible.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

I love that. I will definitely be um after I have digested, I will definitely be passing it along because you know, in the dental space and in almost in any space, really, we don't realize, but you are selling. If you're a clinician and you are pre-feeding the patient and educating the patient for what's to come, right? You're you're selling, right? Because they're they're buying you, they're buying the experience and stuff. Yeah, it's it's everywhere. So I love that you said that. And you really you circled it back to connection and you can't get away from it. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

That's a central theme of what I do, which is also the rise of us, which I just renamed a culture of us because that's my branding anyway. So it's the same material, but it's it's the now it's called a culture of us. Um, and so um, yeah, which actually takes takes it's it's everything I've pretty much learned to date that I do in workshops and keynotes, which is how to work with passion, communicate with clarity, and lead with intention. Uh, and I pull from history, I pull from science, I pull from my own stories, and that one is interactive. There's a page to say, write down your values here, and then go think about that, and then go to the next page. And so it's designed to kind of let you be a reflectioner to lead a team through some of those reflections. And working with passion is maybe you don't love everything about your job, but but you've there's something that you like. Um, you also have a hobby that you probably work at. You know, there's a relationship maybe that you have to work at. You know, there's this working is not just your career, but how do you find passion in those things? And part of that is discovering who we are. We wake up in the morning and go, what do I have to do today? But how often do we ask who am I gonna be today? And yeah, one of those creates a to-do list and the other one, which we have to do, but one creates a to-do list and the other one creates a life. And I think we need to ask both. And so many times, including me, forget who am I gonna be today? And so it starts with that and then builds now how do we communicate with others and then the influence that ad has and the science of influence, and that we are way more influential than we think we are about the things that are really important that sometimes we don't think are important.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

Yeah, bound. David, as we wrap up, um what would you say is your secret sauce? What's the one book or habit or tool that has been, aside from the the beautiful story you shared and the red cup, what has been a game changer for your personal growth?

SPEAKER_01 18:05

That's a great question. And I think the the most the book that I think ironically influenced me the most is a book called You Have More Influence Than You Think by Vanessa Bonds, who's a clinical uh behavioral psychologist out of Cornell University. And the book grabbed my attention because in my keynotes, one of the things I end with, um, or talk about at some point because I customize all of my keynotes, uh, is to say, You're more influential than you think. And I ran across her book and went, ah, she took my saying and turned it into a book. Um so I connected with her on LinkedIn, I bought her a copy and I highlighted just about every page. I told her it's amazing because it validates everything that I've been saying anyway, and some of the research that I've done, but I'm not a behavioral psychologist at Cornell. So I was like, oh, this is great. Science backs up everything that I've been talking about. Um but it but it added a lot of depth and a lot of understanding about how we how we communicate and connect with each other and what's important. You know, we spill coffee on our shirt and we think, oh no, this is everybody's gonna think I'm a loser, you know, all day. And really nobody notices or cares. But we smile at Arbarista and say, have a good day. And suddenly that changes maybe their whole attitude toward the day. We forget some of the things that are so simple to do. And one of the things that I talk about is uh there's a Zulu greeting called Soabona, and it means I see you. It's I recognize you, I value you, we're connected, we're human, and you're important to me. Even if I don't know you, you're important to me. And if we all could just see each other that way, even if we're just thinking in the back of our head, going, I see when we're when we have a disagreement or an argument, or we're trying to come up with a forecast for our yearly plan or whatever it might be, if we can just take a step back sometimes and inside go, I recognize you and value you because you're human. Um, that can exercise way more influence than what we think with the coffee stand on our shirt. Uh so that book was was really validating and and I still reference it all the time.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

David, what is the best way for someone who's listening and says, man, I want I want what he has, I want to impart that on my team. Um, I I want it for me so maybe I can get to the next level because you know the the the life I'm living, I'm not filtering it through the right lenses. What's the best way for for folks to get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_01 20:27

Yeah, best way is is uh email or all my contact information is on my website. It's DavidFisher, F-I-S-H-E-R, uh DavidFisher.world, which I know is a little bit of a different ending, but it's like the earth, davidfisher.world. Uh and uh you can email me also, which is david at davidfisher.world, and that's the best way to reach me. And if you get my website, you can get my number and and send me a WhatsApp or whatever too. That's fine. But um I respond to I check emails all the time. Um so send me an email. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

Well, we'll make sure we've got all of your information here in the show notes. David, I am super grateful. I'm glad I stumbled across your article, and I want you to know I've stopped using AI for my emails because I was just letting them like draft and draft. And it's true, and they were not getting me. Yeah. So you changed me. I hope, I hope. Uh seriously, the word that's why when I read that article, I immediately reached out to you. And David, by the way, is super responsive and probably one of the warmest individuals, honestly, that I've met in a long time. And I'm super grateful um to have you on. And I I want to have you back in another year, and I hope to hear like bigger things because I want to be a part of your uh culture of us. So thank you so much for David.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

I love it. You are welcome into a culture of us. It's so great. It's so great. This was a blast.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

Love it. Thank you so much. Take care.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

You too. Thanks, Mildred.

SPEAKER_00 21:55

Thanks for spending this time with me today. I hope today's conversation reminded you that leadership is built in everyday moments and the way we show up, the way we serve others, and the choices we make when no one's watching. If this episode encouraged you, challenged you, or just made you think differently, I'd love for you to subscribe, share it with someone who's growing as a leader, and join me again next time. Until then, remember leadership isn't about where you start, it's about who you become.