Mixed Race & Birth Order

This second episode is about mixed race and mixed-up birth order. And we launch a new segment, Mind the Gap, our generational sorta trivia segment where we prove that 37 years is a very, very long time.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, welcome to Youth Is Wasted. On the Young. We talk about everything here. Periods and menopause, acne and wrinkles, sex and lack thereof, friendship, divorce, dating, and whatever else we two young women 37 years apart refuse to shut up about.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

That's true. Little disclaimer for our podcast. This podcast contains a teenager, almost an adult. No fathers were harmed in the making of this or consulted. And with 99% custody and four years as a party of two, we hereby grant ourselves full permission. Alrighty, to get started on our first segment, Double D's, Dialogue and Discussion. Our topic for the day is birth order and mixed race kids. Marit, would you like to start us off?

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Sonia, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

We didn't introduce ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

I'm Marit. Oh, I'm Sonia. I'm the elderly one. I'm the youngin'. Okay. Here we go. Birth order and mixed race kids. Let's start with mixed race kids. And I would like to first of all, I'm really grateful that this is audio and not visual, because oh my god, I look terrible. And I'm also really glad that there's nothing that I'm having to really read because uh my vision is just depleting by the minute. And I have 12 pairs of glasses and I can't find one. So I'm going to say, let's talk about mixed race kids because I am a white Caucasian woman. I think Caucasian's out now. I think it's just straight up white. I'm a white chick. I'm 54 years old, and I have three mixed race kids, half Asian, Taiwanese, and obviously half me. I'm gonna give you my perspective, and then Sonia, I think yours is much more valuable because you are of mixed race and I am not. Does that sound fair?

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Yeah, that's not fair. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

So 24 years ago I was pregnant with Numero Uno, and when I gave birth to Amelia, I think this is gonna sound racist, but I think most babies pop out and kind of look the same. Um Brazilian. Brazilian. They look Brazilian. So as you all aged, and actually, especially with Amelia, because she was my first, I got asked, God, I was at Safeway once and she was a newborn, and this woman came up and said, Oh, are you the nanny? And I said, No, she was cut right out of me, as all three of you were. But I found it interesting that no one presumed, especially being in the Bay Area where most people are mixed race, it feels like, that I would be asked that I was the nanny.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Yeah. Do you think that like Amelia's what 24?

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Almost.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

Almost 24, that that was like the first I wanna I don't want to say era, but like that was the time when mixed race babies were more common. It wasn't before. I feel like she might have been kind of the start of it. Because it it it sort of it got popular, it got a lot more popular, I think, especially in the Bay Area, but I don't think until after that sort of thing. Because I still think that at my age, I have friends who were child models and being of mixed race, half white, half Asian, was like novelty. And I'm younger than Amelia.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

So would you agree with that? I don't know, I can't speak to it, but I know people love mixed race babies, they're gonna be so beautiful, even like my family's all white for the most part. Couple sprinkled in different colorings, but for the most part, my huge family cousins are all white, so it was oh my god, you're gonna have these beautiful Eurasian babies, and this is gonna be so exciting. So it was a novelty, I suppose. Also, in the Bay Area, I would say the amount of mixer, it's common, right? You go outside of maybe the Bay Area and it's not as common. But I would say, yeah, when you guys started school, elementary school, most kids, if I honestly felt like most kids were multiracial. So not a big deal here at all. But you know, look back at the ability to actually marry someone of a mixed race. What was that, late 60s? But yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think here it's different. I think when we would go outside at the Bay Area, outside of California, namely, people would look at you guys, they'd say, Oh, even when we went to Taiwan, and here's me, this white chick with these three babies, and people would say, Oh, a Taiwan baby, and want to take pictures of you guys with me. Like me with my big curly crazy hair and you cute half Taiwanese kids. People took pictures of us. It was wild.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

I think it's also a different world in Asia. Babies are prized a lot more than they are here.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

Okay, that's a good point.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

There's a lot more love for little kids because birth rate has declined there a lot.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

Okay, fair point. Tell me what it is like, because I could go on and on about how frustrated I was being married to an Asian man in other parts of the country, especially in the South. Really irritated the racism, the staring in the comments. But what was it like for you growing up, mixed race? And again, let's consider the fact that you are in the Bay Area, so it's definitely a different demographic for the rest of the country. But what stood out to you?

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Honestly, not much. I think that it wasn't too crazy, especially because we're a model minority, right? We're model minority mixed, so it's very popular to have Wassian babies, and it's very popular to be, or it's very common, I would say, to be Wasian in that mix. So growing up like that never really stood out, especially as you said, living in the Bay Area. I think that being Wassian is one of the most common ethnic mixes in the Bay.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

Fair. Okay, I would say of my three kids, this is gonna sound super racist, but I don't care. They're my kids and they let me say whatever I want and they throw it back at my face. But Amelia, oldest, looks like she could be anything. She's been called, are you Native American? Are you Indian? Are you what else has she gotten? She's gotten a lot of Filipino. And then Nate has gotten more Latino and Asian. And then you, I think of the three, look the most Asian.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Yeah, I would agree.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Okay. Alright, so it hasn't affected you. Let's wait and see what happens with you in the world. But I have to say, traveling as a family, especially the five of us when we were in Europe, or the Midwest, or the South, we got a ton of stares and looks. So yeah, it was interesting, but none of us gave a shit. So it was it was all smooth sailing. So it doesn't affect you and your persona and and your sense of self.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

I mean, it's definitely shaped who I am as a person, like it's definitely a part of my identity, but I don't think that it's had any adverse impacts on my life. You know, it's it's just a part of who I am.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Okay, I have two questions. When you fill out the boxes for race, what do you put? And have you wavered in your box checking over the years?

SPEAKER_01 7:18

I think no. It's because they always typically from what I've seen, they always have a mixed race section. And then I'll put mixed, and then if they ask for more specificity, then I'll go Asian white.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Got it. For college applications, did you do that as well, or did you Okay, because you know what they say.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

I mean, you don't want to put white, and you but here you don't want to put Asian either.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Here you don't want to put Asian, right? It's a disadvantage, right? Okay, good stuff. I've recognized that I as a mom have fallen short in realizing what you guys feel as far as racism goes when we walk into a room of all say white people. And your brother has pointed it out to me so many times. And I mean, up until you guys, really in the last I would say five years, have pointed out to me that everybody else is white here. We're the only brown people, and you guys are dark, all three of you are dark. Uh, we're the only brown people here. And to me, I would kind of roll my eyes initially and be like, well, that's stupid, nobody cares. But you care. He cares. You girls probably recognize it. Is this true?

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Yeah, I would say. It's not like something that's ever adversely impacted us, because it's just really it's not the world today that you would get discriminated against for your race or the color of your skin as much. Especially as we're not dark, dark, you know. But it is a noticeable thing, especially when we're traveling to like Arizona or Colorado, to visit our cousins or something. It's it is a noticeable feeling, but it's I wouldn't say that it's a horrific thing to experience. That's fair.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

Think about as a white person, because I just think about how racist our world is and how gross it is, but how many times a black person has to go into a room of all white people, right? How that feels. And white people are like no big deal, probably, especially if you're white-collared and you're fitting in with all the tech bros in your tech uniform or wherever it might be. But how many times, and I'm not talking you because you're a brown person, but how many times have I, if ever, walked into a room as a white person with all black people? I would say a couple of times in my life where I am the only white person. And yeah, I feel the difference. I definitely feel like these well, for one, I think they're cooler than I am, so I want to fit in. But it absolutely spotlights to me how challenging it's gotta be when you are of different ethnicity in a room full of a sea of a color that you are not. So just wanted to recognize that. Um, anything more you want to say about this before we move on to birth order?

SPEAKER_01 10:07

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

Alright, okay, so birth order. I have my thoughts on it. What are yours?

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Birth order. Oh, there's so much to talk about. I think it plays a very large role in personality, in the way you think of things, the way you interact with people. I want to hear what you have to say because I feel like there's so many things to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

Well, and I think we've all read tons about it. The oldest child setting the stage, most paranoid, want to prove themselves to be the best weight of the world on their shoulders, which I totally agree with. Organized, pressured, setting the stage for the rest, getting in trouble for everything. I mean, poor Amelia, she got in trouble for everything. And with you, it's like I've let you raise yourself basically through osmosis. You learned how to do everything. And I'm tired, and you're six years younger than she, and Nate is four and a half years older than you, and I was like, whatever, give up. I mean, not really, because I'm actually more on your ass than the others because we lived together full time, but she got in trouble, punished. You have not crashed my car, but screwed up my car in tons of ways that poor Amelia absolutely paid the price in so many ways, so many needless fights. God, have I ever lowered the bar as far as you getting away with so much shit that the other two would not have. And you totally use it to your advantage. Uh you sorry, saying it. You you you pit your dad and me against each other. I mean, you all yeah, you all do, but you have finessed this scenario like nobody's business because you know I'm old and tired. And I think of you as a I I always tell you, I'm not your friend, I'm not your friend, I'm not your friend, but I enjoy you. We're roommates. We're roommates, and I really enjoy you. It's been a ride. I mean, the first four years of your life, it was basically you and me, because the other two are already in school. And now these last four years has just been you and me as well. So, you know, you've got to leg up as far as knowing how I tick and getting away with a lot more than they did. So, birth order in that respect, from a parenting perspective, has been interesting. And it's nothing novel, everybody knows this. We get tired and we weaken our our stance, but yeah, and I would say also, and I'd love to hear your perspective, but birth order, I'm youngest, you're youngest, we're scrappy. Oh, yeah. And we get away with, we got away with and get away with things that we learned from the mistakes of our elderly siblings and absolutely learned how to navigate the system. What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 12:45

Yeah, I think the oldest paves the way. I think the middle, unfortunate as it is, and I think the stereotype is true, the forgotten middle, you know, kind of gets lost in the chaos, but they do have that pathway written out by the oldest, and then the youngest, sort of that attention-seeking, you know, baby of the family, like you said, gets away with a lot, but also sort of resourceful learns via observation and whatnot.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Yeah, I would absolutely confirm. I mean, you learned how to tie shoes on your own. You would bathe yourself, you would say, I do self, I do myself. I turned around the minivan one day and your shoes were tied, and I said, You must have been three. I mean three. Most kids tie their shoes at five, six years old. And I said, Who tied your shoes? And you said, Me. And I made you show me, and you did it, and I have no idea how that worked. But it was really astonishing. Okay, so birth order, one thing I'd like to say about you guys, and I would say in general, I don't know where I read this and I don't know who the they is that proposed this idea, but I do agree with it, is after about four years of a break between kids and you start over again, which is you, you're four and a half and six years younger than your siblings, it's like having a second-first child again. So, you, in my opinion, are very much the oldest or only child in our family because you didn't have a little cohort of insanity to run alongside you.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Yeah, I would agree with that. I do, yeah. I think that I view Nate, our middle, as my little brother, oftentimes, and Amelia as my older sister. Or more like Nate and our like twins in age. Um, poor Nate. Nate's my little bro. But yeah, I I do think that I feel like the oldest sometimes, just in characteristics that aren't youngest child, but it is still amazing. I still have older siblings, and it's made my life so much easier. College applications are easier, emotional relationships are easier. I have somebody to talk to, somebody who's been through all of those things before, and I get that from my older siblings. It really is a cakewalk, I think, being the youngest, and I always feel bad for oldest siblings. It's a hard, it's a hard job to have.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

You can ask my sister, she will absolutely attest to that in every way. Okay, that's awesome. Thank you. You're a savvy little savage, aren't you, Sonia? So let's press on. I think we're done with our double D. What's next, Sonia?

SPEAKER_01 15:37

Word up. Okay. I have chosen a word for Marit to riff on for 30-ish seconds. She might go a little bit over. But our topic/slash word is morning person or night owl.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Oh god. Morning person or night owl. I used to be a morning person because I had to be by default, having little kids, and God, I hate mornings now. I hate alarm clocks. I oh god, if I can wake up a little bit, go pee, take my pills, go back to sleep, and I could peace out until 10, 11 a.m. if possible. It's interesting. You know, post now I'm fully in menopause and my sleep has changed a ton. We can talk about menopause and HRTs on another day, but I'll tell you that sleep disruption is outrageous as we age. Sometimes I'll wake up at one, I'll be up till three. Sometimes I'll go up at three and be up till five, and then go back to sleep for a couple of hours and just be dying the following day. So night owl, I god, if I'm on a good binge, if I'm streaming something and I'm just binging, I can stay up. Like for instance, silo. I'm caught up now, but I I can binge that thing all night long. So if I'm really into something, I can stay up, or if I'm out with my friends who are naughty and fun. Naughty fun friends, we'll close until 2 a.m. We'll we'll we'll close shit down. But um, yeah, I mean, if I can go to bed by nine, I'm I'm just solid. So what about you?

SPEAKER_01 17:03

I think I'm a little bit of both. I love staying up at night, doing fun stuff, watching TV, as you said, reading. But I also would love to get an early start in the morning and feel productive, but it's hard. It's definitely a hard thing to accomplish.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Well, I'd like to point out that it was, I think, 11 a.m. today. I said get your ass up because I woke up at 11 on the dot. Yeah. So yeah, I wouldn't call yourself either. I think you are an inconsistent wack-a-doodle.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

I get my I get my 10 hours though. I make it happen.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

10 hours is absurd.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

10 hours for women is proper. You should be getting 10 hours as a woman always.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Nobody does that.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

It's that's scientific.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Oh, that's freaking Instagram TikTok shit. Okay. Alright, Sonia, I'm gonna intro just a tiny little segment that I'm gonna ask you a couple questions about. We can kind of riff off of this.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

Sounds good.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Um, I'm gonna call it Mind the Gap. Oh. I'm calling it generational gap. Okay. Let's say it's sort of a generational trivia thing where we really prove that 37 years is really, really long. I'm gonna say something and leave a hole at the end and you fill it in and then I will as well, ready? Just a couple of things. Okay. When I had a fight with my best friend, let's put it into context of teenagers. Okay. You versus me. When I had a fight with my best friend, I what?

SPEAKER_01 18:27

I oh my gosh, I don't know. I wouldn't I don't get in fights with my best friend.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

Um good God, a friend.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

When you've gotten into fights and I know you have. Uh I don't know. It'd kind of just ignore the problem until it goes away.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Mature thing to do. Solid. Okay, so back in my day, if I got in a fight, and there was I can think of one person in particular, I would talk crap about her to other friends to justify my position like a bitch.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

And if I confronted, it was by a note.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Because of course, notes. That's very interesting. I've never heard that before. Handwritten a note. College lined. Oh, like like ruled paper. Ruled paper. Ruled paper, not like a sticky note. Like would it be a long, would it be like a letter? 100%.

unknown 19:22

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

It would be like back front, maybe two sides.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

And you would list out all your grievances and why you are angry and I would set the stage, probably. I mean, I don't have any of these notes, but I know I would bubble letter a bunch of crap and make it be kind of cute. But I also would point out all the things I did right and all the things they did wrong, like a child. You're a beach.

unknown 19:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

But I would write that down because also, and and in my defense, sometimes I wouldn't give that note to such a friend.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

That's therapeutic, though. That's a good way to do it. That's just that's getting it out. Okay. I yeah, sorry. I think we don't talk about our problems enough anymore. Well, me. I do. Me. Me.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Okay. I talk too much like a broken record. Okay. One last question before we piece out. The thing every girl my age wanted more than anything, let's say at age 14, what is a thing that you wanted at 14 that every girl wanted?

SPEAKER_01 20:22

I feel like maybe 14's a little bit old, but I would say a cell phone. That was always the big thing was to have a phone. But I think I got a phone at probably 12. I think actual iPhone. So a little bit younger than that. But that was always the big thing. If you had a phone, you were cool. You got to do all the things, social media and whatnot.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

Okay, yeah, but you also got a phone young because you came from a broken home and you were thrown back and forth. And the iPhone. I always have a child of divorce. The only way we could find you was through that phone. So yeah, it was more that you were a prisoner to us by that choice. Yeah. Okay, so for me, Sonia, now that you asked. Sorry. For me at 14, my god, guest jeans. A zipper on the side, preferable. Esprit sweatshirts. God, no, probably that was younger. That was more grade school, the esprit thing. But definitely the jeans were a big thing, a huge thing. I mean, I grew up in Minnesota. It was penny loafers with the penny in the middle. Yeah, it was definitely style. It wasn't a thing, it was a look. And you wanted to look preppy. Yeah, you wanted to look like you had yourself together. So okay, Sonia, this has been lovely. I hope that like um you've seen Shits Creek, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:41

I have.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Great show. Okay, so I've seen it top to bottom, probably three times over. And I feel they got better with each episode. I don't know if that's gonna happen with us. This might be a big flippin' bomb, but I appreciate you being here. And I would say that we've got a lot of topics to talk about. You know, we sit and had breakfast this morning and chatting over coffee about all the things that we would love to talk about. Thank you for joining us here for episode number two Youth is Wasted. On the young.