Caregiving & Conversations
Caregiving is one of life's greatest acts of love, but it's also one of its greatest challenges. This is a space where caregivers, families, and professionals come together for honest conversations, practical resources, and heartfelt stories that remind you that you're not alone.
Caregiving & Conversations
Trust the Process
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💫 How do you manage being a wife, mother, caregiver, entrepreneur, and everything in between—without losing yourself in the process?
💫This week, I sit down with LaTanya for an honest, relatable, and laughter-filled conversation about wearing ALL the hats life hands us. We talk about balancing responsibilities, navigating caregiving, making room for our own dreams, and learning to trust the process even when we don’t have everything figured out.
💫 And trust me… there is plenty of laughter along the way!
💫 If you’ve ever wondered how you’re supposed to juggle all the roles you carry and still make space for YOU, this conversation is for you.
#Caregiving #Conversations #SelfLove #SoftLife
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https://youtu.be/5hHSplzQSGY?is=CBjeGlutff4LXo24
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-caregiving-juggle/id6799429330?i=1000789786308
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The view, stories, and opinions shared on caregiving and conversations are my own. The experiences I discuss are personal and honest reflections of my caregiving journey and genuine feelings. They are shared with transparency and authenticity and should never be interpreted as a lack of love, respect, or care for my loved ones. The view, stories, and opinions expressed by guests on this podcast are entirely their own and do not necessarily reflect those of caregiving and conversations or its whole experiences and information shared are intended for educational and informational purposes only. They are not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the guidance of your physician or another qualified health care provider regarding any medical condition or health-related concerns. Thank you for listening and welcome to Caregiving and Conversations.
SPEAKER_05Welcome to Caregiving and Conversations with Mr. Tiffan Filter. Let's have a seat. Let's chat. I have a special guest today. I have Latanya. And Latina, she wears many hats. She is a mother. She's a wife. She's a lala. She's a caregiver. She's an entrepreneur. She just has many hats. And actually, before I get started, before I get started, Latanya, how are you today? Hello. Hello. I'm good. Actually, I'm really good. Good. So before we get started, I like to do what I call my two-word check-in. And this is you just checking in with yourself, being intentional about how you are actually feeling, but you cannot use the word fine. So, Latanya, how are you feeling today? Accomplished and motivated. Oh girl, look, it's only 1118. What are you doing? That is great. Um, my two words today. I am I'm actually content today, and I'm a little sleepy. I went out last night on a school night, and so I'm a little tired. I had to put um some of those puppy eye mask things on to get rid of. But we here. Yes, yes, we are. So I met Latanya, you guys. Um, she actually saw a podcast that I did, and she reached out and she was like, Hey, can I come on and tell my story? And then Latanya and I chatted. And when I tell you, we had so much fun on that conversation. I was like, Oh my god, I can't wait to get her on the podcast. So here she is, Latanya. How's it been going since I think we talked about about a month ago, maybe?
SPEAKER_03It doesn't seem like it was that long, right? It's like we flow so naturally, it was just natural. We know went off on trips and everything else.
SPEAKER_05Oh no, I love it. I love it. I love the fact that this caregiving community is growing, and what we're doing, what I'm finding out is there are tons of people who are caregivers, and we all have some of the same stories. Um, they might look a little different, but the running theme is the same. So before um we start getting into your real caregiving journey, and as I mentioned in the intro, you wear many hats. Um yeah, because we're gonna get into how you do that. Um, but who who is Latanya outside of all the many hats that you wear? Tell me a little about yourself.
SPEAKER_03Um, I would say definitely uh go-getter. Um uh what they call a lifelong learner. I'm always going to school for something, getting a certification, exploring, doing my due diligence research. I'm always doing something to be educated around whatever it is that caught my interest for whatever reason. Um, I would say a boss. My husband probably would say bossy. Um, I enjoy helping people, you know. I'm an Aquarius, right? We we love people, but we don't like people. That's funny. Uh yeah, I would say definitely those those those words I would characterize myself.
SPEAKER_05Okay, I love it. I love it, I love it. And and there is something about being bossy, right? When you're a caregiver, and especially you, you wear so many different hats, you have to balance it all with what you're doing. Um, I heard the term sandwich generation. So you are caring for your mother, and then you also have children that you're caring for. Um, how many children and grandchildren are we are we talking over here?
SPEAKER_03Oh six. We have a blended family um and three grandbabies. Um, but funny story, uh, I've been knowing my husband since I was 14. I want to say 14, 15. And so um his oldest, our oldest, I'm gonna call her ours. She belongs to me too. Um, when her mom uh was pregnant with her, I was knowing her because we both worked at the same 7-Eleven. So I always tease her and say, Hey, I've been knowing you since you've even known yourself, literally. Um, and she's the one that's married with the three grandbabies. They call me Lolly and they call him Pop, Lolly Pop.
SPEAKER_05Oh, Lolly Pop. Okay, I know it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so it's um she's the oldest, and then it's a 27-year-old, 21, and then the ones I birthed are 20, 15, and 13. And he and I have the 15 and 13-year-old together.
SPEAKER_05So all right, all right, wow, blended family, caregiving. Um, that's a lot. Yeah, it keeps but but you're doing it right, and that's that's what you do. You have the mini hats on, and part of that is you have to be bossy because you have to make sure those kids are doing what they need to do. You have to make sure that you're doing what you need to do, your mom is being taken care of, and also your husband. Don't tell him I said it, but I'm sure you hear the nine. It'll be all right. It'll be all right. All right, so um, how long have you been caregiving for your mom?
SPEAKER_03I've had mom going on twelve, I want to say almost 12 years now. Um, she was diagnosed at 62, should be 74 next month, October. Okay, and yeah, once um the diagnosis took place, uh conversation was had between myself and siblings. Who does she want to live with? And she explained who she did not want to live with.
SPEAKER_00We're gonna talk about that later.
SPEAKER_03I was very adamant about it, and so I was like, okay, I guess it's me, huh? You know, so yeah, I've had her um yeah, about 11, 12 years now. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05All right, and so when you had to make that decision um being married and with your kids, was it like a family meeting? Did you bring your husband in? Did you talk to the children about it?
SPEAKER_03It's uh funny because, and my husband and I we talk about this all the time. We were we were always that house of let's go to their house for help, or I guess the caregiving house, let's be honest, even though mom caregiving is a different, you know, in a different capacity, but everyone at one point of uh of time have um definitely benefited from our stability. And I'm not saying that you know we think we're better than it's none of that, but we've always been that house of stability. So because at one point we've had his mom um that she was going through some, you know, some things, and we helped her out to take care of her, and God bless, she's doing her thing now. And then um we've had, you know, his cousins and my niece and my nephew, my great niece and great nephew, my my nephew uh was hit by an 18-wheeler, broke every bone in his body. Yeah, it was bad. And because we had a flatter surface for the wheelchair, you know, he's walking, he's a police officer now, he's doing amazing. But we had him, you know, taking him to rehab. And so our home has always had that safety net or that feel, I guess. And I always say maybe that was our calling, you know, from God. Maybe God had put us in this role to be able to really take in everyone, my sister, my brother, his children at one point in and out when he was going through some things with his wife, but he's you know, he's good now. Um, but yeah, everyone has at one point or another benefit from our stability in this home. So bring your mom in, it was just kind of natural to just say, okay, well, you know, here it is. And thank God for my husband. He's he calls my mom his new woman. I'm not his woman anymore.
SPEAKER_05I think I need to, I need to get I need to get your husband on a podcast.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, he's hilarious. But uh, so yeah, it was just a natural transition. It was, you know, something that we could not say no to. Why is everybody texting me now? Um uh something we can say, you know, we couldn't say no to. Um, he was there when the conversation was had and she, you know, um chose us as the home. And he was like, all right, we got the house together. I mean, not really fully understanding Alzheimer's. We really, you know, didn't know what came with it. Um, but yeah, it's just a natural transition, honestly.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Okay, and the kids were so little. Um, she was my grandnanny, taking them back and forth to preschool. So they already knew, and then they spent a lot of time with her as well when she was living on her own. Um, so she had a really close relationship. So that was a natural transition too, because she was so active in their lives anyway, that her coming with us was just like, oh, grandma's in the house. Okay, cool, you know.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so that, okay, one so many things in just that. But one of the things I want to say is I think in every family there's always that stability house. There's always that house, there's always that family that people can go to. I know my mom's house was we any day there would be somebody at our house. I could be, you know, from I remember being in middle school and I would come home from school and there would be somebody there. And I'm like, like, who, why, what, what? And then even just like as we got into high school and after, you know, me and my brothers, even their friends would come to the house and they would be there for days on out. And it just became and so our house was one of the stability houses. Um, so I thought we froze. Oh, I can see you. I can hear you.
SPEAKER_02Can you hear me? Can you hear me? I think we froze up. I hear you. Can you hear me now? Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_03It has stopped that you said that you know your brother's friends were coming over and then it fell. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05So yeah, girl, look. Um so there's always the family, right? There's always a family um that has the stability, I call it the safe space to land. Um, and so that's great. But one of the things that you said, and you talked about the transition being easy from um your grandnanny and then the kids being there and knowing your mom as the grandnanny and helping you out. Now all of a sudden she's living with you and she can't help. How was that transition? Like, what were some of the things? Because you were working at the time, right? Yeah. When this took place. So, how was that transition of bringing your mom in and now finding care for your for your children?
SPEAKER_03Um, at this point, I think we still really didn't understand the severity of the disease. Um, because we would still leave her um in the house, you know, with the children and um allowing her to drive. And we started seeing a pattern of constantly washing like the same clothes over and over. And my daughter would go to school with the same outfit. And it was like, hmm, okay, let's help you out a little bit. So uh I would lay them out, but she would still find the same outfit type of thing. And then um once we started noticing more forgetfulness of how to get to take them home and things of the nature. My husband's an entrepreneur, he has a construction company, so he was able to be more flexible and the schedule to kick in, um, you know, to make sure that the kids were wherever they were supposed to be. Once they transitioned into like full-time school, the bus stop was literally my driveway. And now that I'm sitting here thinking about it, ooh, God is amazing how he makes things work, um, and how things like came to be because that's an awesome question. I never thought about that until you said this, but things were in order and where it was supposed to be, where really didn't become so difficult. Okay. What do I mean by that? Our driveway was literally the bus stop. So the kids knew how to come in, press the button to go through the garage and get in the house. It was no walking, you know, they they understood what to do. Um, and then the flexibility of my husband's schedule, being able to get home in time to take care of a lot of the things and make sure mom is good. Um, so that's an excellent question. I just don't feel like it was, I think as she progressed, it just naturally everything just kind of fell into play. Yeah, if that makes any sense. You know what I mean? Absolutely, absolutely 100%.
SPEAKER_05I know several people who um are caring for parents or some a loved one with Alzheimer's dementia, and they were still leaving the kids with, you know, either the grandkids or kids, um, because there's part of that loved one that is still there that can still do it. You're seeing them and they look normal and they talk in normal, but then you're like, wait, that's not that's not. And I remember um I remember when my mom was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and at this time, so she had her diagnosis, but she didn't have her first real flare-up where she couldn't walk or do just difficulties with walking at the time. But I remember um she was driving my car. And at the time I was a flight attendant, and I left my car at the house, and she was driving my car, and I came back and the front was smashed. And I was like, What happened to my car? And she was like, Oh, I was driving, and I couldn't find the uh brake pedal, so she hit something, and I was like, You couldn't find and then that moment I was like, We need to take the keys from her, she can't drive anymore. And you talk about a difficult decision to tell one, especially a parent, what they can't do. Um because for me, it wasn't it had nothing to do about the car in that moment, it was everything about the safety of her and anyone else um in that moment. But having that discussion, I don't even know. I don't even think now you would now that I'm thinking back on it, I don't think I even had the discussion. I think I just took keys.
SPEAKER_03Oh no, my cussed us all the way out, clean out.
SPEAKER_05So my mom didn't cuss, but she cussed in her own way. Yeah, yeah, clear words, but she you you could always tell when she was mad. Like she she she my mama would get an attitude. Um to me, I could deal with her attitude, I could deal with her attitude if it's gonna mean the safety. Um so I just want to ask this question. So your kids literally are growing up watching you and your your husband care for their their grandma.
SPEAKER_03Um and they jumped in, they jump in like so thinking back on it. Let's see, um, my youngest is 13. We have mom, what, 11 years? So she was two, and then the other one was four at the time, and then my oldest was nine. Um, so like you said, yeah, they literally they remember her. The oldest one definitely remembers her prior to this. The younger two, you know, so I think most of their life has been where she is, you know, uh, with this disease and seeing us like caring for her. But now they jump right in, like they know, you know, my son picks her up like she's a doll because mom's so tiny, she's 70 pounds, you know. So he'll pick her up and like do exercises with her, like like as if she's the dumbbell or something, you know. And I'm like, stop, she's still, you know, you're gonna break her or whatever. Um, and they, you know, they help with the with making sure she eats and they'll do everything but bathroom. They're like, no, we're not doing that. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_05All right. So do you think um that has helped them being more patient and compassionate? They're building that as yeah, I think there's it's a lot of responsibility, but I think there's some character building when it comes to kids watching that. I mean, I I look at just me and my siblings, and I could talk about all my cousins and stuff who have watched, you know, caregiving within the family, but I'll only speak on me and my siblings. There has been a level of patience. I probably was the least patient before, but became you know, very patient and caregiving, and it and it is a uh character-building trait that comes along with caregiving and like just and then when you have it at a young age, oh definitely, and when you get it at a young age, even just watching people when they interact with their own friends, I'm sure you see some of that caregiving there and the patience and and more empathy and understanding because they deal with it on a daily basis in the home.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, they they are very um well, I can't say much about the 15-year-old. He's no nonsense. He he's like, no, we're not doing my oldest and the other one, they they're very unbothered, you know, especially when it comes to conflict with whatever school, whatever the case may be. Um, it it would it will take a lot for them to just be like, okay, you know what, you know, or like you said, but the infinity, like my daughter was saying yesterday, she said uh one of the kids at the school um is autistic. And she was like, that's my bestie. Um, the other kids kind of not being kids, not necessarily bullying, but not the nicest, being kids.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And my kid, you know, she's like, Yeah, and I just took her in because she's just higher level, she just thinks differently. That's all. And I just have girls, she's my new bestie. And I'm like, that is so sweet of you, you know. Um, but she she has mentioned that she has noticed that other kids start to fall in line. Like, my kid is not necessarily the popular one, but she's not necessarily the non-popular one either. She's kind of like that kid that gets along with everyone. So seeing her, based on what she told me yesterday, interact with this, you know, kid. Um, other people are starting to, oh, okay. Oh, okay. Well, she is pretty cool. Okay, you know what I mean? And just falling in line. So yeah, I could definitely see those characters, those characteristics building in all three of them. Um, my middle one is no nonsense. But he will be the one to take care of everyone, you know, but he's very much so no nonsense. You say he's gonna say what he has to say, straightforward, whatever, but he's the one to take care of everything too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I would love to come back.
SPEAKER_05Look, I would love to come back in five years and see what we see where how they all have uh progressed and and if any if there's any role changes that have taken place. So because you wear so many hats, do you ever take a hat off? Are you able to take all the hats off? Are you able to just sit and rest? That's why this taping is happening a month after we recorded. You had so much going on.
SPEAKER_03It was insane. Even today, you know, the little one with his 102 tip, you know, he just walked upstairs. He looked in a little battery, all is well, just a virus or something's going around. So he's okay. But even though I have all this energy right now, probably because I'm on this podcast with you, but um, I've been because I had to keep checking on him and making sure he was okay. And, you know, the temperature wasn't dropping, and I'm throwing cold towels on him in the middle of the night and just coming in there, like, how you feeling now? How you feeling now? Giving him water and keeping him hydrated, you know. Um, so I don't know. Um, I get my rest. My mother-in-law, bless her heart. She'll come over and sit with my mom, help out a lot. Um, you know, the husband, if mom is sundowning for whatever reason, he's a night owl, so he's up with her. Um, and it's really honestly been us three, you know, to be full transparent. It's been us three and the and the and the kids. Unfortunately, my siblings. And but you know, I'm not gonna put them out there on the podcast, but no, they're gonna help. Um, so it I really've been leaning on those two individuals tremendously. You know, um, a friend of mine is having a party in Jersey next month or November, and so my husband's like, all right, he Ready, you know, so he's gonna take mama. So little things like that helps a lot tremendously, you know, is is needed, but I don't think I ever ever take off my hat because I'm always constantly thinking about even when I had to go out of town before for a funeral, I was still calling. I was looking on the cameras, my husband took the cameras down, like, nope, and I'm like, really? Did you take the cameras? Dirk, you know, he's like, nope, you're gone, you know, relax. We're good, we're good. So even when I try to take the hats off, I really don't, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05So what I'm gonna challenge you, um, I'm challenging all my caregivers is to find an hour for yourself in the day. I don't care if that's just you sitting. Um, I don't care if that's you going out taking a one-hour walk. I don't care if that's you just taking a nap. Um, just take an hour for yourself. You, you, you, you need it, you deserve it. Um, because you have to pour into yourself. You pour so many, and you are literally pouring into so many different people that you have to be able to pour into yourself first. So that's my that's my challenge to you, and I'll be checking on you, talking about did you get an hour today? Um let's let's let's transition a little. Um, so when we had talked before, you were getting ready to um have a wellness event.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Tell me, tell me a little about your wellness event.
SPEAKER_03It was awesome, actually. I have to send you the video.
SPEAKER_05I'm trying to act like I don't know about it.
SPEAKER_03Oh, that's right. I'm gonna send you the video. Wink. Um, so it took place August 15th um in Lumbar, Illinois, at the Lumbar Community Center. We had 17 vendors, 17 vendors, 94 people um signed in and came through. Um, so was able to reach 94 families. That was pretty amazing. Um, received a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of feedback of how amazing it was and how exciting for a first-time event, and um all the resources was very beneficial. Like we received a lot of feedback asking when the second one, when are you gonna have a second one? And we we secured a date. Yay! Um so yeah, we were able to collaborate with the local school district out here, the superintendent. She's amazing. She was one of the speakers, and so we're going to have it at one of their facilities and make it a little bigger with classrooms having speakers and people uh can actually go sit and learn some things about caregiving and you know, uh some strategies and some tips uh from different organizations. And so it's gonna be June 20th, 2027. Yes, that is Father's Day on a Sunday. And I laughed because I was like, I mean, do we really celebrate Father's Day? I'm just playing. That's me. But uh bring your father out to have a good time. We have some things lined up. So yeah, we're preparing and getting that all organized. But it was exciting. I was really, really, really honored that 94 people were able to come out and really get the information needed. And um yeah, uh a couple of them were saying this is the first time that they were able to, you know, be in the room with where a question asked of where do I start? So, like the department imaging was there, it was senior services there and you know, asking about financial pieces of it. So I had two financial facilities that was there or home care services. I had some home care services people there. So I tried to think like a caregiver in a position of I don't know what to do, and answer those questions by trying to have as many of those resources or those people there to answer that I don't know what to do question. You know, I had a funeral home there, which is rare, excuse me, you know, so but end of life services is real. I'm so sorry. Sorry. Um, and then like the gift of hope was there, so it was a good time. Hold on one second. I'm sorry. Nope, you're fine.
SPEAKER_00Okay, okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Been a busy morning already. I'm like everything's happening. I got a hydration drink here. I should have brought my water in here, but you want to go get it? You want to go get it? I have the hubby get it for me. Oh, thank you though. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Um so okay, you said June 20th, 2027. Let me see if we can get caregiving and conversations there and and and set up a room because we already talked about some other stuff that we might start working on. So, you know, and that's what I like about this um so far with the podcast is being able to meet so many different people and see what other people are doing. Um, and a wellness event is for you know, for caregiving is great because a lot of people have that. Where do I start? I remember when my mom became, it was like she was diagnosed, but then there was like two years maybe where she was still able to be on her own.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, or independent, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and then she had a flare-up, and it was kind of like, whoa. Yeah, what is coming from? Yeah, like she was still working at the time, and I remember I was like, Well, does she take short-term disability? What about what about, oh, wait a minute, what about life insurance? Oh, wait, what about her medical insurance? What do I do? And you know, at the time there was a big thing going on, and um, Social Security was denying a lot of people's claims who were disabled at the time, and you had to file an appeal and you had to get lawyers and all that, and you talked about you know things just working out, and I remember going through the process and I got the letter that she was approved the first time around, and I was like, thank god, right? Yeah, that's a blessing. It took me to get three years, I think, for my three years, it would be immediately, and then um but knowing where to start because you're just sitting there. Um, I do have a guest that's coming on in a couple of she'll be on shortly. Um but she has a book about where to start, what to do, and I can't wait to dig into that interview too. Um but yeah, having these events and caregiving, I know at my church, um, there's been a lot of people talking about caregiving and you know, coming into caregiving. And so um my pastor um agreed to do a caregiving summit. And I walked in in April, I think. March or April. And I remember walking in because I'm thinking, oh, it's just gonna be like, you know, a few people in here, and there were over 500 people who signed up and over 50 different vendors there in the caregiving space and what to do and this and that. And I looked around this room and it was one amazing to see so many people stepping into the caregiving role. Um, but I was also like in awe on how many men were actually in the room because men are actually stepping into that caregiving role. Yeah. When I look at my analytics for the podcast, I'm seeing 45% of the people who are watching are men. I'm like, wait, what?
SPEAKER_03You know, that's interesting that because it sounds like um, like my husband was saying too, where is the safe space to be vulnerable as a man um in this, you know, arena, right? And he goes to, I think I told, I'm not sure if we talked about this. He goes to two groups. So he has one group that's a certain culture, and then the other group that's a certain culture, and the the mission is the same to be able to speak about you know what's going on, right? But the expression in one was a lot more accepted than it was in the other. And he's saying he just came to the conclusion like, why don't people feel that we hurt too? Like, why don't they know that we have feelings too? Or why is it perceived that men is supposed to always, you know, be this strong, no cry, no nonsense, rock when we're dealing with the same emotions as anyone else, but where's our outlet? And I just thought sat back like, hmm, because yes, he's here in it with me as well. He's seen like the not so good days when you know we have to clean up a mess, you know, or um the you know, agitations, the anxiety, the not wanting to sleep, the um just all the just the pure deterioration of she was like fist, yeah, too meek and you know, timid, and just seeing it slow deterioration in in front of you. That's a mind, that's a mental, like that plays with your mental big time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um so yeah, he always said that, like, where where is that safe space? So just to hear what you're saying, how they're chiming in and really, you know, coming out and really seeking that help. I'm not surprised. And I say that because of, I don't know, because I'm new to this too, and I'm seeing it, but I'm also glad to know that they are stepping up and saying, hey, we have feelings too, and we need help too, you know, absolutely. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely. And we all need a safe space. And I'm glad that you know, men are actually seeking it because a lot of times men just take it and they just go on about their day, right? But having a place for them to feel seen, um, listened to is so important. And I'm glad that your husband is getting um tapping into those resources. Yeah. Again, I'm gonna have to get your husband on this podcast so I can get his perspective from just the support and you know, he's support slash also caregiving. Yeah. And it's his mother-in-law, you know, that's that's that's a killer, it's his mother-in-law, not his mother, yeah. So I'm single, and I remember talking to a guy that I was dating at the time, and I said, and this is when my mom, you know, was diagnosed with montical sclerosis, and I said, I want somebody to be able to love my mom the way that I love her. And he was like, Oh, that'll never happen. Girl, let me let me tell you.
SPEAKER_03Red flag. And this is why we're not together, sir.
SPEAKER_05But overall, you know, a nice guy. But when you start thinking about this, it's reality. Like, my mom is gonna be here. Like, I don't know what it's gonna look like. This is at the beginning stages of her multiple sclerosis, so the decline is gonna happen. Um and if I need you to take her to the doctors and ask the questions, like I would ask, I need you to be able to do that, whether it's love or not. But to say, oh, that's never gonna happen, like you said, that's a red flag, that's gonna stick up because anytime something happens, I'm gonna be like, But did you really do that? So it is important, right? And so when they talk about, you know, finding your person, it's not just about you and your marriage, it's about the family, it's about what can happen. Like you said, you have this house that is a safe space where people can feel comfortable. That's also because of your husband, who you chose to be your husband. So, um, girl, we can go into a whole nother thing about dating and caregiving. That's not that's not what this is about. Um, so dating caregiving.
SPEAKER_03That should be a next podcast.
SPEAKER_05Somebody come up next. I can do that whole one by myself. Yeah, self. No, no. Oh my god, I love this. Um, so the wellness event, June 20th, 2027, in the Chicago area. When we get that, look, when we get that information, I'll make sure I plug in for my people who are gonna be watching from the Chicago area. But I'm gonna make a I'm gonna I'm gonna really try to see if I can make that happen. Yes, please. And what I can, you know, what what source I can be there for. Um so in between all the roles, all the hats that you have at home, um, organizing wellness events, you're also in the process of doing something else. Oh, I'm in the process of doing a lot of stuff, but okay as a boss, as a boss. So tell me about Teresa's place.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so Teresa and how that came about. Oh, yeah, definitely. Um, Teresa's Place, Adult Day Center, um, is a day center for adults living with moderate to severe dementia or ice Alzheimer's, and maybe needing that more one-on-one intensive care. Um, so it's more than just a social, socialization environment with more personalized care. And it came about because my journey with mom, mom's middle name is Teresa, her first name is Jacqueline, but everyone calls her Teresa. I don't know, is that a southern thing? Because all of my mom's cousins, they all go by their middle name. Didn't find it out too well into my adult year that all of their names are their middle names. It's not their first names. Never knew their first names. I'm like, what? Anywho, um, they're all from Alabama, Georgia area. And so as I was on the journey with mom and she started to progress through the disease, uh, as I was reaching out, asking those questions, asking for help, she was at a specific um day center, bless their heart. They tried their best, they are trying their best. Um, but as she declined, there was not another assessment to determine her new needs. And so I was starting to be get calls because at the time I was an assistant principal in Chicago Public Schools. So I was starting to receive calls asking questions like, oh, she's a pacer, she won't sit. Could you talk to the doctor about medication? And Mike, okay, because everything is always labeled anxiety or UTI, right? Everything. Oh, they must have a UTI. Oh, their anxiety, everything, right? No matter what it is, everything. And um, I did talk, speak with the doctor, they were able to prescribe her medication, but what I noticed was the medication, I did some research, had nothing to there was no health benefits. It was more to calm her, right? And so I had to sit back and think because every time I would come, she wasn't active, she was zombified, she was drugged up, she was nodding, there was no active life, you know, she's still here. Why is she sleeping half the time? And I had to ask, is this really a health benefit or is this more so to make your day easier? And I had to come to the realization, because my background is special education as well, that this is more towards making everyone else's day easier rather than having a program catering to their specific needs and accommodating their specific needs and their behaviors. And so I said, I'm taking off that crap. There is nothing else wrong with her. You know, it's just the dementia. There's no other health concerns. Now, I understand some people have health needs. I get it. This is no way, shape, or form that I'm saying, hey, take your parent off this name. I'm not saying that whatsoever. I'm speaking in terms of my personal belief and my personal experience with my mother. Um, so I started to ask, they said, Well, could you call the Department of Agent to ask if they can provide a one-on-one care? Because now at this point, she was no longer able to verbalize that she had to go to the bathroom. Or, excuse me, you know, again, she paced a lot. Um, she was also um her hand coordination with the fork was becoming, you know, non-existent. Um, and so I would get a call. Hey, could you bring food, finger foods that, because we can't sit here and feed her. Even though the state pays for their meals, I was asked to bring food and her lunch and her breakfast. And I'm like, what's the problem? Well, we can't sit and feed her. Okay, just tap on the plate that'll trigger her ear, her hearing to reach for what's there, and she can use her hands. Oh, well, some of the things we have can be a little sloppy. I'll clean it up. It's okay. You know, so it was always something. So I start calling around, asking questions. Hey, is there a day center available to accommodate someone who needs more one-on-one care and of a higher acuity in this, you know, disease? And everyone said, no, put her in the nursing facility. The Department of Aging, no, put her in the nursing facility. And so I finally asked, why is the answer to everything a nursing facility? I have nothing wrong with that. That's just not my choice. Because to me, because she's pacing, I'm not gonna put her in the nursing facility because she's a pacer. I'm not doing that. Um, that's just for me. No one can answer. I said, so there's no day centers that once they reach a certain stage that's equipped to handle this. And she said, no. Typically, when they're at this point that my mom is in later in stages, stage five, six, seven, they're placed into a facility. And I said, Well, what about people that still need to work? Because facilities are expensive. Some of us can't afford those, you know, facilities. And mom, at the time, she was at the threshold, she can't afford it, but she can't qualify because she makes too much, but she can't afford it because she doesn't even have enough. And so I'm like, what about those individuals who are like right in that gray area? What happens with them? And it's just like, gotta make those tough choices. I said, That's crazy. You know what? We had some land that we owned, and I said, we're just gonna turn this land into an adult day center, and we're going to accommodate those individuals who are like mom. And I took, I stopped working, I had to sacrifice, I had to, you know, give up my career to take her on full time. But the blessing of the Lord is here because he has kept me. You hear me? Um, very much so. And so at Birth Teresa's place adult day center, we were able to secure multiple um grants. Um, shout out to leader Lifert, Senator Kimberly Lifert in the state of Illinois. She is the first African-American female leader of the Senate in the state of Illinois, has been nothing but amazing. She um can relate she's a similar situation with her own mother, and she jumped right on the bandwagon. Like, you are absolutely right, we need to get this going. And so, shout out to her. Uh, state rep LaShawn Ford has been amazing with helping us draft the bill that will help, you know, this piece of what's going on with our elders to make sure that people are held more accountable and set more accommodations and goals for individuals and not just feel like we just have to just stick them in the corner somewhere, let them be jogged up and let them be. No, they are still here and we need to make sure that we're taking care of them. And so now we're on this mission. My husband is my contractor, whom I'm about to fire very soon. If he don't come on and pick up the pace with this building, but he's very specific and very detailed, and so I appreciate it. It's just slow with it, but I appreciate the details that he is uh when it comes to this. So, yeah, we're hoping to be up and running um spring of 2027. Um, meanwhile, I've been getting a lot of calls about help um in the home. So I actually um filled out the application to start Teresa's place um home care services as well as Teresa's Place on Wheel. So we have some things going on that's you know unfolding while we're building the bigger picture of Teresa Place Adult Day Center. So yeah, I'm excited. I think people should be able to still work while their loved one is being cared for. The end result shouldn't always have to be a nursing facility, it's super expensive. We still need to work, so drop your loved one off. I got them, and then come pick them up, just like you do your babies. It's the same thing.
SPEAKER_05Oh my gosh, so hide you. That is one, congratulations to you for seeing um seeing a need and then going in and and and and filling that need. Um, two, having a husband who is a contractor that can come in and do that. So your husband is absolutely correct, bossy. I'm sure you're bossing him around when it comes to what needs to be done, but taking the care to actually do it, right? And so the oh god, there's so much that I could talk about. Not only because what I didn't know was now you're you're you're a political activist out here for the caregiving.
SPEAKER_03So yeah, we've been done down Springfield and everything. You know, we've been fighting it, we got this bill. In draft, I still have to, it's still a long way. I still have to go in front of the committees. I'm just excited that I was able to uh recruit several um high official electives in the state of Illinois to say, you're right, let's look into this. Let's let's let's push this agenda because it is it doesn't make sense. We should we do need to help you know hold people more accountable and um as much as possible and you know provide more care, specifically when they are going, you know, progressing along in this disease. There's no reason why we shouldn't come back to the table and reassess what's going on with them, you know, especially when they're getting funding from the state, right?
SPEAKER_05Especially when they're getting funding from the state and they're not able to accommodate the needs of the people who are out here and everybody's needs, although the diagnosis may be the same, but there's there's different needs. My mom has multiple sclerosis, it should actually be called multiple symptoms because there are so many different symptoms that have taken place because of the diagnosis. And so I totally get the finger foods. You know, my mom, the dexterity in her hands doesn't work the way it used to. So um certain foods, it is easier for her to eat with her fingers. Um, we have tried, you know, when she's in the comfort of her home or whatever, she'll use her fingers. But when we're out in public, she secretly can you ask, can they give me a spoon? Like she's afraid to ask for the spoon because you know, people she thinks people are looking at her. And people we just dog right, people are mean sometimes, you know. Yeah, people have an ignorance. Um, there are times when I'm just like where I have patience with it and I try to educate. And there are times where I'm like, what you looking at? Like, why are you, you know, no, I'm not holding the door open for you, you know, because I'm holding it for her. You want to rush through. Like, so there I have moments. Remember at the beginning, I said caregiving taught me patience. I'm still a work in progress, but when it comes to my mom, I'm willing to fight, right? I'm willing to fight.
SPEAKER_03Don't mess with caregivers because you would catch smoke that was not for you, please.
SPEAKER_05Leave us alone because we are always this close, always this close for stepping off on something. So, yes, be careful, caregivers. We you will you will catch it. You will catch it. Leave us alone. And it is, it's it's it's really sad because um they always try to uh blanket what the care should look like for everyone, and to know that Teresa's place is gonna be the individualized for that person. Like, what is it that your loved one needs, and we can accommodate that. Exactly. I remember um my mom had a fall at her assisted living facility, and they didn't call me. They said they checked her out, and God told me to go over there like two days later, and I go over there, and my mom's face is like swollen, black and blue, and I'm like, what the happened to your right? Like, oh, I fail, right? But because she wasn't in any kind of pain, it didn't occur to her, let me call Tiff, let me tell Tiff, let me see what's going on. So listen, so I ended up taking my mom that day to the emergency room, and I was like, I need you to look at her. So they did a cat a CT scan on her eye, and they were like, She's fine. And I'm like, okay, so it gave me some peace in that moment, and then I went over a day later or two days later, and when I tell you it was her eyes were swollen shut. And I was like, This is not normal. So I take her back and they did another CAT scan. So the first one they did was without contrast, the second one they did with contrast, and they said she had an infection, but they couldn't tell if the infection was in the front of her eye or the back of her eye. Um, so they ended up admitting her into the hospital, and they did all these tests and all this stuff. She ended up being in the hospital for over a week. Um to to get rid of the infection and all the other stuff. But one of the things that happened in the hospital, that's again another podcast. Girl, why were they uh asking my mom about elder uh elder abuse, thinking that I had abused her? Nah, go go talk to that place that that she's staying at. And so um all of that to say she ended up leaving the hospital. She went to a rehab center after that to find me time um to find another place to place her because I was not putting her back in the city. Yeah, of course not. Yeah, yeah. And I remember they gave me a list of places that the state would, you know, pay for um for her to go or some subsidized. And when I tell you I walked in, I was two minutes into this nursing home that they said she could go to. And I told the lady, I said, we can we can end this. We we don't need to finish the tour because everybody you talked about the zombie looking. Everybody in there was just sitting staring at walls, not doing, and I thought there is this is I wouldn't put a sick animal in this place like this. And I know there are some places that are good, so I don't want to sit here and bash all of the places. But you have some good places. The ones that they gave me were not good places, which then the decision was immediately for me to make that decision to bring my mom into my home at that time, and so I totally, totally understand where you're coming from because they're not getting that individualized need. Um and so when when people sign up, when when that spring, so you got a lot going on. You got spring 2027 with Teresa's place opening, I'm gonna just go ahead and put it out there and claim it. When you have the wellness on June 20th happening, again, you just keep adding to your to your to your plate. Um but when people sign up for Teresa's place, what is it that you want them to know or feel differently from other places? What's that thing?
SPEAKER_03That their parent is going to be treated like I treat mine with respect, with dignity, um, have them active if they choose to be, you know, do so. Again, medication, we are um, I will have a nursing staff, of course, because I'm not a medical profession. Um, but if we can eliminate that as much as possible, because once I started to, I'm just gonna give you an example, accommodate mom's needs with the pacing. Let's just say the pacing, that's one of the ones. I literally created a space in the house where I'm sitting right now in. Um, I put up a gate that you put outside a fence, an outside fence into my home to protect her from um, you know, escaping. I put knots in the room, I put like a little track for her to walk. I put the what's the edge with the babies, what is it called? You know, the edge. Um, all of the edges in the room, and she paced. And that's what she needed to do. Go right ahead. I didn't want to prevent that. So when mom did fall, she has uh she has fallen before, um, before we had to, you know, put all these protective measures in place. I really accounted that she didn't nothing broken, she was fine, no bruises, nothing. And I believe that's because of her pacing. I did not stop her from doing what her body was saying that she needed to do. So after a while, when I see that she's tired in her face, of course, I will sit her down, you know, we'll do like a lavender bath or, you know, rub her back or give her some hugs and kisses, whatever, to come, not saying I'm gonna kiss on your loved one. I'm not saying that, but uh, you know, some hugs and you know, kisses or what have you, um, to just give her that calming sense and it will calm her down and then she was able to uh relax. So just we will have that conversation. We'll make it an um interdisciplinary where all parties are involved. So the caregiver, doctors, if you have a physical therapist, speech therapist, occupational therapist, neurologist, everyone will come to the table to have a conversation about your loved one's needs. And then we will set goals based on the stages they are. And those goals will be specifically for what activities they enjoy, what are they still able to do? Okay, let's put some place some things that we know they still are able to do. So, you know, if they're still able to work with their hands, okay, then maybe they can fold socks, you know. Um, I have a drawer that I call the socks with no home because where are the socks? Like, why are they always disappearing? Why do we only have one sock, right? But that was a space for mom to still keep those motor skills going. And even though they weren't matching, sometimes she found them, sometimes she didn't, we'll just still have her fold them just to keep those motor skills going, right? Or, you know, um, sometimes she, even though she's her verbal, her a her ability to really express, um, have you know, language expression has pretty much diminished. She mumbles a lot. Music is a thing for her. So if I see that she's, you know, having a moment, certain cues let me know that she's bored or something's going on. Turn on some music, she rocks. Now you saw her with a head down, you know, and that's pretty much what she does because it's comforting for her, but she will rock to the music and she does her little shoulders like this, and you know, it just makes her day. Or um, so just paying attention to your loved one's behaviors, talking about it, what you guys do at home to make sure that we're implementing that same thing at Teresa's place. And then once we see that this is the key, once we see that they're progressing in their disease and maybe some change is happening, let's come back to the table and revisit what's going on, what do we need to do? So I find again, me personally, I'm not saying this everywhere, but me personally, have found that a lot of facilities do not come back to the table to discuss what happens next now that they're unable to do what they used to do, but now you know they're able to do this. So let's focus on this rather than what they cannot do.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So that's what you can expect with us. Uh, we'll have a lower ratio because I want to make sure that even though I am zoned to have 66 clients, I'm not. So I probably have like 20 to 25. Why? Because we have like a one to three ratio, um, just depending on what your loved one is in you know, in need for. And I don't want to maximize just for numbers because I'm not this money thing, is it is what it is. I've been living without income for five the past four years, and the Lord knows He has blessed me. So I'm not worried about that. I just want to make the quality of life and ensure that you know we are accommodating their needs, we're coming back to the table, we're having um discussions as a group, as a whole team, and come back to the table, reassess if we need to, and come back to the table and reassess if we need to, just to keep them out of a facility as long as possible so you can work and still take care of your family and get the uh help you need and the care you need. Um, so that's where we are with Teresa's place.
SPEAKER_05Good. I so love that. I love I love I love the concept, right? I love what you're doing. I love how you're taking um the experience that you have learned with your mom and understanding the individualized um is what you're gonna take over into Teresa's place. The also the other part that I like about it is when you talk about reassessment, because a lot of times they think it's a one and done. And the facility that my mom is in, she's in a um assisted living facility now, they do a reassessment with her. Um, and we can me being um I'm I'm not local, but I can dial in and they're open to whoever wants to be on that call. Normally it's me or my brothers on that or my brother's there, and then you know, we can be on that call or not. But the fact that they do the reassessment and they even though it's a larger facility, they do know my mom needs this. You know, the nurses come in and they're like, she's doing well at this. One of the things that um my mom hated the food at any facility. So um just this year we have decided to do um uh meal prep for her. And so we have someone that comes in weekly and she drops off food because my mom can still put it in a microwave and warm up her food and eat it when she wants. So it still gives her that independence. So when you talked about the motorized skills, it still gives her that thing to do for herself. And so um, all these little tasks that we do help them. Um and and and we we can't take everything away from them. I mean within reason, right? Yeah, like I took her car keys from her, at least I let her warm up her own food. Um it's it's it's it's definitely needed, and so I commend you for seeing that there was a gap and then going in and filling that gap because people are going to be upset with you that you can accept 66, but you're like, nah, I'm only gonna take 25, um, because you're not doing it for the money, you're doing it because you actually care, and hats off to you, and you will continue to be um blessed abundantly because your heart is in the right place. So thank you, thank you. My uh sappy sappiness for the moment, but if you could go back and tell Latanya at the beginning of this caregiving journey, what would you tell her?
SPEAKER_03Oh trust the process, and I say that like my mama, seriously. Um, and I say that because, and again, this is not a flex, but I just laugh at myself and think back. Remember, I told you I've always been a lifelong learner. So you're gonna have seven degrees, seven to eight degrees, something like that. And it always, you know, I never really talked about it because it always seemed as if I was all over the place and not stable. But just looking at the pattern of what I did, it all has come together. So what I say, undergrad in psychology, then I have a MBA business, um, information systems, you know, that's all about computer technology, um, uh, project management, again, bringing things together, a master's in um elementary education, master's in leadership education, then I just became a certified dementia practitioner. So all of that, and then I'm I'm a licensed special education teacher. So think about it. The special ed background gave me the patience and the understanding to look at be a specific behavior to accommodate those needs because it's the same behavior. It really and truly is a similar behavior as someone with special needs. It really is. Um, and then just thinking on running a business, getting that leadership team together, six of us, to you know, get the help we need and to, you know, have that brain dump together to come up um with some ideas. Shout out to Dr. Naray Tucker, my partner in current, with this bill that we're trying to have passed, and this um also this success plan that's what we call when we do an assessment on your loved one to determine what you know their needs are, um, to building this whole facility and all the branches that's come along to organizing these events um and wellness, all of it came to be in some way, shape, or fashion. So I feel like God had put me on this path to lead me to. Of course, I don't want to see my parents because you know my dad has Alzheimer's as well. I don't want to see my parents suffering, of course not. But this mission that we're on has helped so many people, and I just know that it's going to help many, many, many, many, many, many more, especially when this bill gets pushed and passed, you know. Um, so I would say, yeah, trust the process, believe in God with your whole heart, right? Whole heart and your whole soul, and just let Him do what your purpose is on life, in life. Let me use you to do exactly that.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely. I love it. My mom used to tell me all the time, trust the process. And I'll be like, 'cause you know, I wanted, I wanted to know right then and there what is happening, what's next, what's why, who, what, why, when, and where. Um, but you're absolutely right. When you talk about trust the process, um, I remember, and so all your skills are leading you up to be able to do this, and and you're gonna do it successfully, and you have done it successfully, but continue on doing it successfully, and and having the right team around you is really important. So you have you, you, you're, you're off to a great start. And I know 2027 is just going to be um a blessing for you and others because you are touching others, and I'm saying too with your podcast.
SPEAKER_03That's trust the process.
SPEAKER_05So you know I was gonna, I was, I was gonna say it, then I backed out, but now that you brought it back up, I'll I'll bring it up to you. So I was in high school and I wanted to be uh anchor, um TV read, you know, on the desk. I was gonna at the time there wasn't, you know, many black people. So, you know, I'll just say Barbara Walters, I was gonna be the Barbara Watchers of TV. And, you know, I put that dream aside. I wasn't gonna do that, and dropped out of college and became a flight attendant and was flying the friendly skies. So this is people, this is actually being recorded on 9-11. Um, so this is always a bittersweet, a bittersweet moment for me. It brings about sadness and reflection and hope also. But, anyways, trust the process. And so um, I launched a coaching business um for wellness and life coaching. And during my caregiving journey, I wasn't really caring for myself nor loving myself. That's why I encourage all my caregivers to take that hour because I was just going with the flow. I was just being pulled in many different directions, doing this, doing that. And so when I came out of the caregiving full-time, um, I really started leaning into the self-love, the self-love, loving myself, doing those things that I like to do, um, saying no to things, um, saying yes to some things. But I was very hesitant because for the last three, four years, people have been asking me to do a podcast, but they actually wanted me to do podcasts on relationships. And I was like, it's inundated. I am not no, because to go viral and to be a big podcast, you have to say crazy, outlandish stuff, and my way of thinking is completely different. Um, but then people were still calling me because of my 25 years of experience in caregiving. Hey, can you talk to this person? Hey, what about this? Hey, what about this? And I was reluctant, I gave them the information, but they were like, you should write a book. Nope, you should do this. Nope, nope. I did not want to be associated with caregiving. But there was always this little piece in the back of my head that was like, you're always going to be a caregiver, no matter what. Even when your mom is no longer here, you're still once a parent, always a parent. Once a caregiver, always a caregiver. Because I may not be caring full-time for my mom, but I care for other things, I care for other people. So it's in my heart to care. Um, and I say all that to trust the process because I did go back to school during COVID and I did get my degree in communications. And here I am, I'm not an anchor on a TV show. I'm not the Barbara Walters or the Robin Roberts or the Oprah Winfrey, but I am Miss Tiff using those skills on caregiving and conversations. So there's my flex for today. Come on, come on, Miss Tiff. Well, there's my flex. But if you experience exactly all the experience that you do um that you have, and and if you're open to it, these are the things that can happen. And so um I am open to it. I don't know if you saw or um, but anyway, a week ago, Caregiving and Conversations was featured in Black Enterprise magazine, their online portion of it. So I'm like, wait, what? Yay. It it it it it just let me know I'm on the right track. I am doing something, and it just made Instead of creating a to-do list or what I would like or a goal list, I created an audacity list, so it just made my audacity list bigger because if you can dream it, you can do it. So that's why I'm so happy for you. But this ain't about me. I'm done with me. But if you can give one piece of advice to a woman out there who is wearing as many hats, oh, she could just be wearing one hat, but as one to 10 hats like you are wearing. Um, what would be that one piece of advice that you would give somebody?
SPEAKER_03Be comfortable being uncomfortable. Uh friend of mine told me that, and I never understood that she's a principal as we speak, and I never understood that uh term until I got into this position and started launching the things I have, you know, stuff that God put on me to launch. I get it now. You know, that nagged feeling that it's not time, I don't have the money, my credit isn't right. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Do it. Do it, do it, do it, do your proper research.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03If you need help, ask. Don't be ashamed. Ask for help, ask for guidance with the right people, of course. Go at that gut feeling because not everyone is for you. Let's just be honest. I've lost some friends of 30 plus years when I've been on this mission, and it's okay because I still love you. I still love you, just in a different capacity. I still love you. Um, you know, and be comfortable being uncomfortable. It's okay because it's just going to take you to the next level where you're supposed to be. Don't be afraid.
SPEAKER_05Let me tell you, I'm totally uncomfortable with caregiving and conversations, but I launched it uncomfortable. I launched it fearfully. I I launched it scared. I launched it, what the heck am I doing? You know, and here I am almost, I think September 29th will be the three months. And so I'm still here and I don't see it going anywhere because I got interviews backed out and through October.
SPEAKER_02So again, my kids saw me doing this anyway. Really, mom, please stop. Please stop. I'm loud, I'm just doing it because it's cool.
SPEAKER_05No, no, but Latanya, I'm amazing. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much for watching the video and then reading out saying, Hey, how can I be a part of that? And that's what I've been asking people to do, just be a part of this community. So, again, thank you. You and I are not, this ain't a one and done. Um, I have look, we we are friends, we are locked in here. And um, I'm so thankful that um our our uh lives have crossed in this caregiving journey and what we can do. Um, but again, thank you so much. And people out there, make sure you are subscribing to the YouTube channel. We are also on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Share with your caregiving friends, share with just anyone because at some point or another we're all a caregiver. But again, don't forget give yourself grace, give yourself rest, and give yourself love because you deserve it. Thank you so much, everyone.
SPEAKER_00Bye bye.