Born Fabulous
Born Fabulous
Season 3, Episode 8, Part 3: Kayla McKeon and Elyssa Stallcup, "Be Persistent, Parents Don't Limit Your Children"
Kayla McKeon and her roommate, Elyssa Stallcup, discuss a wide array of topics including the shortage of mentors, making their apartment their home, sincere advice, healthy communication, and more. Their 50/50 commitment to their friendship and living situation is a wonderful, organic model for many.
Kayla is best known as the first professional lobbyist with Down syndrome. She is also a podcast host, sought after keynote speaker, community college graduate, and tireless advocate. Elyssa is her good friend first and foremost, her mentor, and the sibling of young adults with Autism.
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Hello, my name is Greta Harrison. Welcome to born fabulous podcast season three, episode eight. The theme of this season is young adults with intellectual disabilities living full lives of independence and interdependence. You will hear interviews with parents support staff and of course the young adults with intellectual disabilities. Please note these interviews were done one to two years ago. achieving independence is a complex journey for many individuals and families. There were many stops and starts with various entities when putting together season three. Regardless, this content is very relevant and we hope you will find it helpful. This is the last of three episodes that feature Kayla McEwen and Alyssa stalcup Alyssa is Kayla's mentor, good friend and roommate. Kayla is well known as the first professional lobbyist with Down syndrome, a sought after keynote speaker podcast host, a Special Olympics athlete and champion and a tireless advocate. She does all of this with her own mixture of grace and spunk. Listen after the episode for exciting updates about Kayla and Alyssa. Now please enjoy this short clip of the ring. The lyrics are by Melissa Riggio, a young lady who had Down syndrome and was the focus of episodes one through four and Season One, the music and voice are by Rachel fuller. In many areas, like where I live in Virginia and the entire state, there's a shortage of support staff. Hmm. Is that the case where you are to?
Kayla McKeon:Sometimes they had hot in the past? Oh, it was big, white, who won? And they don't. But sometimes, because it COVID did. Because everything was on board to wall where we were virtually working there. Back then there was a short as well as sometimes individuals camp I mentor was. So sometimes Yeah, that took a little while, and
Elyssa Stallcup:I'm not very educated on you know, whether or not there's a shortage. I just know that, you know, working with the families that I do, and you know, my brother, my parents are trying to get services for my brothers, it is extremely difficult to get a mentor, you know, and get them all lined up. And then, you know, for them to actually start working with, you know, with the individual, it is extremely difficult. So, I from those instances, I would say yes, but I'm not, I'm not 100% sure that New York has a shortage. So, but it is extremely hard for the families to access these mentors. I like the
Greta Harrison:terminology mentor. Yeah, and And just so everybody knows Kayla's mentors helped her with for instance, travel to your classes when you were taking classes.
Kayla McKeon:Go quarter last as how many AP classes and it's taught me in general when I need it.
Greta Harrison:When she needs it. You can all tell hopefully how independent kale is. But she's always honest, too, about how she does need support too. And a lot of people forget because of everything she's done and what she does and how strong and persistent she is that she does need support the Kayla's good about asking for that? Which is a very big step when you need help you ask for it. Right. Exactly.
Kayla McKeon:And sometimes. My mom well, they just say I'm stubborn. Sometimes. I don't know when I knew that how, but that's when I need a list. Or another mentor. There's some you need help. I'm gonna help me whether I might not like it, but I need it.
Elyssa Stallcup:Yeah, that's true.
Greta Harrison:So do you feel like you've kind of found your calling Lissa?
Elyssa Stallcup:Ah, I feel like that's too strong of a word. I do enjoy doing it. It is very rewarding work. I'll say that.
Greta Harrison:Okay, so it's something that you want to do for a while now. You're not sure if you're gonna do it forever, but it's something that you're in for a while at least Yeah. Okay.
Elyssa Stallcup:You should not for a while.
Greta Harrison:She's what either, you know, it sounds like even if she found another job she she's still going to be your friend. Yeah. She's She's there as your friend. And that's amazing. I think a big part of of your arrangement that people need to hear is you're 5050 you're 5050 on the leash or 5050 with money, you try to be 5050 with short with chores and helping out. Yeah. And I think that's great. It's a great example. You know, you're you're both living that motto a life like yours. You're, you're really living that and I love that. All right, so what suggestions? Well, before I get to this, I forgot. There's something you wanted to show us that you guys are working on, right? Yes.
Elyssa Stallcup:So this should have been done a while ago. You want to hold the cake?
Greta Harrison:Yeah. I know when we were talking about the pluses, right? Yeah,
Elyssa Stallcup:so we were these are supposed to go, this is an E and A que, they're supposed to go in our front hallway. Um, and I also have an ampersand that I'm working on at my parents house. That is it's supposed to look like a crossword puzzle afterwards. Because, you know, we love puzzles. So we're trying to get more photos to line the E and the K. And it's been very hard because I don't want to cut off her face or mine. So so. Yeah, so it's been a long time coming. You know, I've been procrastinating with it. Um, but yeah, we're, I, I've taken them out again, and we went through photos last week. I just need to get them printed out.
Greta Harrison:So yeah, I love that. Is there anything else that you've done in your place that kind of, is giving it your own unique touch that you can think of? Or I love that idea? Oh, we have
Kayla McKeon:some photos. They've been hanging up around here, too. We just recently put up this weekend in the hallway. So we'll make we have lamps that she has for them. follows me will mimic it. Oh,
Greta Harrison:I love that. I love that. So now I want to go to what suggestions would you have for families and advocates who want to live on their own?
Elyssa Stallcup:Be persistent, right? The
Kayla McKeon:process then. And parents don't let me show do and they want to live on their own? I am. Because people are all definitely evil want to be able to show them, hey, look what I can do. I do. Oh, I can clean. And there's a feeling of accomplishment, being able to do it, and be able to give somebody a to law. Like, this is my apartment, this is my kitchen. This is my bedroom, just being able to be excited about an accomplishment that you can do. Like, we make dinner together. So just being able to start small, maybe you start at home, maybe you start cleaning at home, or cooking or doing laundry at home. Eventually, you can do it, you can move out. Yeah,
Elyssa Stallcup:and I think they I think families need to, yeah, like Kayla said, listen to their, their, their children, and see if this is something that they actually want to do. You know, I think this is what my parents do when Christian and Daniel, they, you know, if they because they want to move out. So eventually, they have a chore chart for them. And they get paid for, you know, their chores, other families, you know, you don't have to, like pay your kids for your chores. But it's it's a good habit to get into, okay, you know, you have these chores for this week. You need to do them or, you know, they're, you know, so but we also, you know, Christian and Daniel also have cooking nights, you know, so that way they when they do move out on their own, they're able to cook and they're able to clean and so don't tell them that they can't or don't tell or you know, just say okay, if this is something you want to do, then you know there are things that we need to improve on before you can do that start small. So yeah, and then with the with the process of looking for apartments, I would say you know, get get your your the your support involved in it. So you know, she He, she had her brokers help a lot and her to his coordinate service coordinator. Um, and, you know, we shoot you so and we also we caught we were persistent, you know, we called a lot about, you know, possible places or seeing if we can tour the place or, you know, how are we on that waitlist? You know, those are things you have to you know, be perfect you have to check in on and also
Kayla McKeon:is the kennel union ducks in a row, you want to make sure like, oh, I have an apartment. What's the maintenance of the apartment? What as questions exam, um, there's a problem, not only can you go to your roommate with those, you also have a landlord, or you can talk to them to they will help you
Elyssa Stallcup:document document. Because when we so when we saw the apartment at first, her mom notice two rings in on the tile, and they couldn't be removed.
Kayla McKeon:Like, yes,
Elyssa Stallcup:yes. So we went when we went to go sign the lease, we she told them, you know, their two rings, you know, and, um, you know, we saw that way, we're not responsible for that.
Kayla McKeon:And it was prior to us moving in. So we didn't do anything, but we want to make sure that the landlord knows these are here for no hidden deal. So we're not held accountable for rent your wings are then ours. We
Elyssa Stallcup:also documented on a couple of other things when we moved in. And when we brought it in our first month's rent. We we had typed up. Okay, so here's what's going on with the apartment. We just want you to have this. So we brought that in when we went drop off our first rent check. So don't be afraid to speak up to the landlord. Don't be afraid to document don't be afraid to be persistent.
Kayla McKeon:So don't be an advocate. Yeah.
Greta Harrison:Do you have good neighbors? You don't have people who are loud on above you below you beside you anything like that? No.
Elyssa Stallcup:I mean, we hear the shower up above. But that's pretty much it.
Greta Harrison:That's good. That's normal. Yeah. That's good. That's good. Well, I love all of the advice and all of the tips that you've given. I love your chore chart. I I just really appreciate all the information that you've given today. Are there any final words that you would like to give to our audience?
Kayla McKeon:If you have anything made me aware, but you didn't mention things outside of the apartment? Like I did go to USA games and formula.
Greta Harrison:Kayla, Kayla, you are a very strong advocate for Special Olympics. Do you want to talk about that for a minute? But go ahead. Yeah.
Kayla McKeon:So last year, I believe when one of our local settlers was given a shot, especially if it's unified, I would do what I want to say the amount of photos are good and shag actually. So I went and I think no man for this money for unified sports rose visual impacts me meaning me, Alyssa and I could be partners. We are I'm playing Bochy, I'm sure she and somebody does have me able to and who was not, that's what unified as was specials and bucks. So I think and then Tom beer, there was a press conference. He gave me a hard lunch saying, Can you know I will answer you as well as me and I'm sending you to Orlando, Florida was budget and the mobile games. Were bouncy ball. So when we know we all got packed, one of our coaches, Doug Abeka did a Zoom meeting kind of like this. So we can get to know our fellow athletes. I follow G Man balls. And then it goes well, instead of just zoom, I want all of us to actually meet in person. So in May we all got a chance to actually meet in Bombay or LA or as a toast in a car club. Well, we do play bocce. We're gonna meet our team members. So I met my room, my USA game roommate, as well as a double because when you play you play singles, doubles and team So I was able to meet my double who was my friend Lindsey. So we were together, I guess where my friends at the time, that and by now and his double Wiener, Paul, and we played against them. And Lizzie get a feel for the courts so we can meet our team members. And then in June, any of them yeah, in June 2, two, I think the 12 Something like that are new to the drought. We went to Orlando, Florida in the way of Baltimore as they evolve. We went to VI USA games, where we competed and Bochy. Also my husband came in stuck with two gold medals in the silvar. I came home with a gold medal, a bronze medal and fifth plates. But I think my mom said that so I'm just you know, in a way my mom, she said, Mikayla got a gold appliance. And the new boyfriend was out for the both of us, because we got to know each other. Then we really got to know each other pretty quickly, actually.
Greta Harrison:So Kayla's meant Kayla's talking about her new boyfriend, Jonathan. Yes, it's very new. So we won't say a lot more about it. Because I don't want to jinx you, right? Oh, no,
Kayla McKeon:it's been a month Justin was walking out way. We, every day talk. And we talk for a couple of hours, mouths. When I'm with a mentor, I get to kind of wean back. But we do talk every day we text. Sometimes we really share sometimes we don't. We both just the audio. Well, we're the sag in directing to Risa. And as we both one is working on the both of us. We've done for almost three months. And then nine days and counting the rebels. He's I go, he's coming up from Queens, New yo up to 70 as a party was just graduation birthday and your say games. Because you will be great because most of the team that's coming anyway. So kinda like a reunion voids. So above them are coming up, where we can hang out together and me and Daniel get to hang out. We're looking forward to it.
Greta Harrison:Well, congratulations. And I do like that saying about you. You went and you came back with some gold medals in the boyfriend. Right? Yeah. So
Kayla McKeon:it worked out for the both of us. That's because when we had all days in Florida, we were able to go in the pool. There was so hot, even though it's made inside of it. So conditionals was definitely hot out. So we're able to go swimming. And then someone that our days we had a family night at Animal Kingdom and then does on bottom team labor. Magic Kingdom. So definitely worked out. A lot of fun.
Greta Harrison:I'm very, very happy for you. You're living a full life right, Kayla? Yes.
Kayla McKeon:And get this I'm older than him. Barry continues younger than me.
Greta Harrison:Very, very what does he have Down syndrome?
Kayla McKeon:He does not he has a physical disability is low side weakness. And that's pretty cool, too. He told me he was born with crooked lay. But it doesn't stop him from doing what he wants to do. And I encourage that we always are pushing each other, to be persistent and to be the best that we can be. Because when we play Bochy, when I wasn't playing, I would watch him and our video Han and vice versa. When I was when he was in he was videoing me. So we go go teach each other, like, oh, you can do this better than this, or whatever the case says. They're all able to talk about games, lay it out. critique each other, so to speak.
Greta Harrison:All right. Well, Alyssa, was there anything any final words from you? I'm
Elyssa Stallcup:just a just for the people out there that want to live on their own. Just make sure you are constantly communicating. Speak Out up, even if it's hard to speak up, you know, like, I know, it's hard for Kayla and I have to speak up when something is bothering us about the other person. Um, you know, so just don't be afraid to speak up, don't be afraid to communicate, because you're not gonna, you're not gonna
Kayla McKeon:achieve is that a healthy relationship?
Elyssa Stallcup:It's not a healthy relationship, but it's also you're not going to achieve what you want. If you're not communicating if, okay, so you didn't rinse out your dish, you know, but I'm not going to tell you about it. I'm just going to be mad at you for it for a while. Yes, thank you just the just just communicate that and, you know, you know, if so, communicate, if something is bugging you about the way that the other room is doing things, because, you know, otherwise, you're just going to be living the same way.
Greta Harrison:Yeah, that's, that's very sound advice. And I like what Kayla said, it's not a healthy relationship. If you don't, it really it's not going to work out. relationships don't work out if they're not healthy.
Kayla McKeon:Why what she was saying about the debt, I knew she was what she was referring to.
Elyssa Stallcup:Yeah, the dishes, getting peanut
Kayla McKeon:butter off. This is, I wasn't here as a victim. But I was. I knew that was on me. You guys are great goes both ways. to haul some of them. And I can't find that boy, it's, we have a system. Let's do the five senses, where we can do five things, you taste three things you hear two things you smell. It's
Elyssa Stallcup:the 54321 thing. Thank you.
Greta Harrison:Yeah, can you repeat the 54321 what that is,
Elyssa Stallcup:so it's just a mindfulness technique. Um, so we don't really do much in the apartment. But you know, I'm glad to remember that, you know, if that if something is stressing her out, and she's not able to talk about it yet, she's always welcome to do the five senses. And so what that is, is it so you, you look around where you are, and there's so you, you list five things you see. And then you list four things you hear, and then three things that you can feel, and then two things you can smell. And then one thing you can taste so and you can do it in any sort of order that you want, you can switch it up, you can do five things you taste or four things use you
Kayla McKeon:to any sensor.
Elyssa Stallcup:So but there was one, okay, so and I also welcome her to communicate with me if there's something that she feels like I'm doing wrong. So you know, so and that, you know, I want to remind you if there's something wrong, like, if there's not a tour that I'm doing right in the apartment, I want you to let me know. So it's that 5050 thing again, so it's not all about me. Okay, you need to do this better. Um, you know, she's always welcome to tell me that too. So I would just say, for families that are, you know, are helping their children move in on their own, you know, communication with the other roommate, you know, make sure you have like open communication and make sure it's okay for the both of them to talk to each other.
Kayla McKeon:Is that a one way issues always chill? And of course, yes, honestly, as well. Otherwise, if you don't first you have a man who can you trust.
Greta Harrison:I love that. I love that. If you don't trust your roommate, who can you trust, I love that.
Kayla McKeon:And not another other bit of advice to focus your mind. Study yourself. And believe that also helps. I find myself doing that more often than not.
Greta Harrison:Very good advice. Well, I want to thank you very, very much for this interview. I want to say thank you. You guys are amazing. And I love you both even though I just met you Alyssa I like you. So I want to thank you and say I want you guys to keep on doing what you're doing because you're changing the world together bit by bit. And thank you for listening to the eighth episode of born fabulous podcast third season. Kayla and Alyssa have had some important updates since this interview was done. First Kayla and Alyssa are now each living on their own. This was a normal evolution for both of them that happened on very good terms. They are still very good friends and Alyssa is still one of Kayla's mentors. Second, Kayla was involved along with others in Mattel's creation of a Barbie with Down syndrome that was launched in April 2023. Her input process happened over a year. Compared with other Barbie dolls. The new one is shorter, has a longer torso, distinctive facial features and a single line on her palm. These are all traits commonly associated with Down syndrome. Kayla was on Good Morning America to help proudly launch the new Barbie that was a huge success. Third, in 2024, Kayla received prestigious alumni awards from her community college and from the American Association of Community Colleges. And fourth in May 2024. Before this episode airs, Kayla will receive an honorary Doctor of Humane Letters from Onondaga Community College. You heard that correctly an honorary doctorate degree. Kayla is impressive beyond description and we cannot wait to see what she does next. In episode nine, you will meet Janice Fialka and Rich Feldman, Micah Fialka Feldman's parents. Micah is one of the stars of the movie Intelligent Lives, a university teaching assistant, a public speaker and more. He has an intellectual disability. Please follow and like us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. If you enjoyed this episode, I'd be honored if you would leave a review wherever you heard this podcast. Now please enjoy this clip of the ring. The lyrics are by Melissa Riggio, who was the focus of season one episodes one through four. The music and voice are by Rachel fuller