WEBVTT 00:00:09.279 --> 00:00:15.919 I believe the Bible describes the role of husbands is that of a federal husband. 00:00:16.399 --> 00:00:38.719 And the word federal is a uh it is a biblical concept, it's a Latin word, uh, but it is a biblical concept that means, and I would expect you all to know what it means because we live in Washington, D.C., and yet uh I am concerned that far too many people involved in government actually know what the word federal even means. 00:00:39.119 --> 00:00:45.920 Um the word federal is from uh the Latin word fodius, which means covenant or pact. 00:00:46.240 --> 00:00:52.719 Um, and it's the idea that people make a covenant with one another to operate in a certain way. 00:00:52.960 --> 00:01:08.640 Our government is called a federal government, of course, because the states have entered into a compact with the national government, and there are certain uh rights and there are certain responsibilities each party plays in that kind of arrangement, and it's an arrangement that has obligations to it. 00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:13.920 So it is very much a covenantal arrangement in that sense, it's a federal government. 00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:16.959 Well, marriage operates in the same way. 00:01:17.200 --> 00:01:21.680 When a husband and a wife join, they join so covenantally. 00:01:21.920 --> 00:01:38.640 And you may not have used the word covenant at your marriage, but the concept of a covenant is where there's two parties that enter into an arrangement with one another with certain rights and responsibilities that each take on and a commitment that comes out of that pact, out of that covenant. 00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:42.560 You say, you look into each other's eyes and you say, I do. 00:01:44.159 --> 00:01:47.519 In fact, I usually joke at the rehearsal with the couple. 00:01:47.680 --> 00:02:01.680 I'll say, you know, you don't need to right now we're not going to go over every phrase in it, but tomorrow, your job is to be quiet and listen until I say, if so, say I do, and then you say, I do. 00:02:02.640 --> 00:02:06.319 You listen, and your response is to commit to that. 00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:11.919 And that's the nature of a covenantal or a federal marriage. 00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:19.039 And the husband, in the sense, is the federal husband in that he stands as the representative of his family. 00:02:19.199 --> 00:02:21.120 He is the leader of his family. 00:02:21.199 --> 00:02:22.960 And you see this described in the Old Testament. 00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:30.879 We spent several weeks uh going over this already, is I don't want to plow the same ground again, except to say that the husband is the representative of his family. 00:02:31.120 --> 00:02:34.080 He stands before his wife and his children. 00:02:34.159 --> 00:02:37.199 Uh when his he marries his wife, she takes his name. 00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:43.280 He is the one, scripture says, leaves his father and his mother to hold fast to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 00:02:43.439 --> 00:02:44.879 They make a new family unit. 00:02:45.039 --> 00:02:53.520 And it's not just saying that the husband is the initiator or the husband is the leader, but he is the, in the sense, the one that stands in the place of those obligations. 00:02:56.719 --> 00:03:04.240 I've had several people mention to me last week after my introduction about, you know, everybody, the line on your third marriage, everybody gets a prenup. 00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:11.280 Some people came up to me and said, you know, the divorce rate in the church is just as bad as it is in the world. 00:03:11.840 --> 00:03:16.479 And I'm sure many people have heard that said before, and and I don't think that's true. 00:03:16.639 --> 00:03:29.039 Um, I think, you know, the kind of surveys that say Christians get divorced at the same rate as the world gets divorced, those surveys usually also come with lines like, you know, and 60% of Christians don't believe in the virgin birth kind of line, also. 00:03:29.439 --> 00:03:35.520 You know, I start to grow pretty skeptical of how studies like that or surveys like that define Christians, you know. 00:03:35.680 --> 00:03:38.000 50% of Christians believe the Bible is true. 00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:42.960 I don't know what those other half are, but they ain't Christians. 00:03:45.439 --> 00:03:49.360 You know, the divorce rate in the world is the same as that in the church, not true. 00:03:49.520 --> 00:04:07.199 I mean, I know there's many divorced people in the church, and that's because the church is a hospital for the sick and for the wounded, and yet certainly a marriage in the Lord has those kind of covenantal commitments, it has those kind of stipulations, those kind of commitments that the husband and wife make to each other. 00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:34.000 Last week I said that as I described the command to wives to submit to their husbands, I made an appeal, especially the singles in the congregation, that if you weren't going to subject yourself to that kind of description of marriage that the Bible lays out for it, then it perhaps might be good for you to stay single rather than to enter into marriage outside of God's pattern and design for it, outside of his instructions for it. 00:04:34.079 --> 00:04:36.240 And I would say the same this morning to husbands. 00:04:36.480 --> 00:04:42.000 The Bible describes the kind of commitment and life that the husband will lead in marriage. 00:04:42.319 --> 00:04:44.319 And it is uh not easy. 00:04:44.480 --> 00:04:47.519 These commitments are not low, they are not slight. 00:04:48.879 --> 00:04:50.720 In fact, they are all-consuming. 00:04:50.800 --> 00:04:53.279 They demand all of your life. 00:04:53.920 --> 00:05:01.040 In the context of Ephesians 5, it's about the spirit-filled life, where Paul says, Don't be drunk with wine, but rather be filled with the spirit. 00:05:01.120 --> 00:05:14.160 And then out of that description comes uh indications of what the spirit-filled life looks like, singing to one another, praying, addressing one another with psalms and hymns and giving thanks, verse 20, for everything in God the Father. 00:05:14.319 --> 00:05:22.800 And then there's a kind of submission to God's design for the family, for God's design for society that comes in the Christian spirit-filled life. 00:05:22.959 --> 00:05:26.480 And Paul begins working through examples of that kind of spirit-filled life. 00:05:26.560 --> 00:05:29.759 And he begins with wives submitting their own husbands in verse 22. 00:05:29.920 --> 00:05:31.199 And we looked at that last week. 00:05:31.439 --> 00:05:37.519 Now we get to husbands, verse 25, and it says, just simply, husbands love your wives. 00:05:38.240 --> 00:05:39.680 Husbands, love your wives. 00:05:39.839 --> 00:05:42.079 The word is unexpected there. 00:05:42.240 --> 00:05:43.360 Husbands love your wives. 00:05:43.439 --> 00:05:44.879 That's not what you would have anticipated. 00:05:44.959 --> 00:05:48.000 If you were writing Ephesians, that's likely not what you would have put there. 00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:51.439 Coming right out of wives, be submissive to your husbands. 00:05:51.519 --> 00:05:56.319 You would imagine that the line for husbands would be husbands, lead your wives. 00:05:56.639 --> 00:06:00.720 Husbands, step up and be the leader, is what you would anticipate there. 00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:02.560 It's the flip side of submission. 00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:04.160 And Paul doesn't say that. 00:06:04.319 --> 00:06:07.759 Now, of course, that doesn't mean that husbands aren't the leader of their family. 00:06:07.839 --> 00:06:10.879 The fact that Paul goes in a different direction doesn't mean the leadership's not there. 00:06:11.040 --> 00:06:14.800 Of course, the leadership concept is rolled up in submission from earlier. 00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:21.680 In fact, because it's so evident from the word submission, it's likely that Paul is going in a more profound way. 00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:23.519 This is often the way he reasons. 00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:31.759 He'll give you one side of an argument, and then you would expect the other side, but instead of him just saying the same thing in reverse, he goes much deeper in the other direction. 00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:33.360 And that's what he's doing here. 00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:37.199 Wives, be submissive to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 00:06:37.439 --> 00:06:44.959 Husbands, he doesn't say lead, he says, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. 00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:48.000 And gave himself up for her. 00:06:48.240 --> 00:06:54.160 The word love in these verses here, verses 25 down through verse 31, is what we'll look at this morning. 00:06:54.240 --> 00:06:56.879 The word love here is the most common word that is used. 00:06:57.040 --> 00:06:59.199 It's used six times in this passage. 00:06:59.360 --> 00:07:00.560 In fact, let me read it right now. 00:07:00.800 --> 00:07:16.319 Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 00:07:16.480 --> 00:07:19.920 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. 00:07:20.079 --> 00:07:30.720 He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we're members of his body. 00:07:30.959 --> 00:07:37.279 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 00:07:37.439 --> 00:07:40.560 This mystery is profound, and I'm saying it refers to Christ and the church. 00:07:40.720 --> 00:07:44.160 However, each one of you love his wife as himself. 00:07:44.879 --> 00:07:47.279 Let the wife see that she respects her husband. 00:07:47.439 --> 00:07:49.680 Six times the word love is used in that passage. 00:07:49.920 --> 00:08:04.879 We'll save verses 32 and 33 for next week, but for this week, just marvel at the fact that Paul addresses husbands by saying, Your primary calling in the context of marriage is to love your wives as Christ loved the church. 00:08:05.040 --> 00:08:07.199 Now, are wives supposed to love their husband? 00:08:07.439 --> 00:08:08.079 Yes. 00:08:09.600 --> 00:08:14.160 But it's a reciprocal kind of love, but it's not reciprocal in its roles. 00:08:14.560 --> 00:08:22.639 Husbands are supposed to be submissive in some sense to the structures that God has placed in society, and yet wives are supposed to be submissive to their husbands. 00:08:22.800 --> 00:08:31.439 Wives are supposed to love their husbands, but husbands are supposed to love their wives as Christ loved the church in this sacrificial, self-denial kind of way. 00:08:32.639 --> 00:08:34.879 This is leadership by love. 00:08:36.080 --> 00:08:37.200 Leadership by love. 00:08:37.360 --> 00:08:40.320 The Christian strength is seen in love. 00:08:40.480 --> 00:08:42.960 This is not the way the world defines masculinity, of course. 00:08:43.039 --> 00:08:53.440 The world teeter-totters with, you know, you know, on one side you get the kind of the toxic masculinity thrust in the world where, you know, men are wicked, and any kind of masculinity or leadership is poison. 00:08:53.519 --> 00:08:55.679 That's, you know, the root of all this wrong in society. 00:08:55.840 --> 00:09:13.519 And on the other side of the equation, you know, if you don't fall off that side of the horse, you fall off the other side of the horse, which is kind of the cage fight masculinity, the my wife exists to bring me nachos kind of masculinity, and you know, this machismo, the wild at heart, I'm a dragon slayer in my bones kind of masculinity. 00:09:13.600 --> 00:09:16.559 And neither the biblical concept of masculinity. 00:09:17.279 --> 00:09:22.720 The biblical concept of male leadership is that of self-denying love. 00:09:23.679 --> 00:09:37.519 And you see this all over, but one of the clearest places you see this taught is 1 Timothy 1, verse 7, where Paul says that God did not give us a spirit of fear, but rather, and you think, what's the opposite of fear? 00:09:37.840 --> 00:09:45.600 He gave us a spirit of power, of boldness, seen in our love. 00:09:46.960 --> 00:09:59.440 And so Paul takes the flip side of fear and says, the flip side of fear is courage, of course, but true courage, the antithesis of fear, true courage is not slaying the dragons. 00:09:59.919 --> 00:10:02.080 True courage is seen in love. 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:05.679 And this is how you see leadership in the church. 00:10:05.840 --> 00:10:09.519 Leadership in the church is founded, rooted, and expressed through love. 00:10:09.679 --> 00:10:12.320 And if there is one thing our world is confused about, it is love. 00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:14.799 Everyone has their own idea about what love is. 00:10:15.039 --> 00:10:21.919 Every generation of Disney movies come out, and every generation of Disney movies has different concepts of love. 00:10:22.639 --> 00:10:27.200 Our society is confused about love, music is confused about love, movies are confused about love. 00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:29.919 But fortunately, the Bible is not confused about love. 00:10:30.080 --> 00:10:38.720 The Bible gives you a very clear understanding of what Paul means when he says husbands love your wives, because he gives you an example, a pretty concrete example, as Christ loved the church. 00:10:40.399 --> 00:10:49.360 And so this passage, verses 25 all the way down through verse 33, is interwoven here between how Christ loves the church and how husbands are to love their wives. 00:10:49.440 --> 00:10:51.919 It's very difficult to extract the two. 00:10:52.320 --> 00:10:54.879 We're talking about that in our elders' prayer this morning. 00:10:54.960 --> 00:11:06.639 It's very difficult to distinguish between which of these examples are designed for husbands to follow, and which are designed for Christ to follow, which is an expression of Christ's love to the church, which is an expression of a husband's love towards his wife. 00:11:06.799 --> 00:11:09.440 They're so interwoven it's hard to extract. 00:11:10.080 --> 00:11:12.480 As I mentioned, it's peppered with the word love. 00:11:12.720 --> 00:11:18.080 It seems like verses 26 and 27 are describing Christ's love for the church. 00:11:18.240 --> 00:11:19.679 Verse 28 becomes the bridge. 00:11:19.840 --> 00:11:22.320 Husbands love their wives in the same way. 00:11:22.799 --> 00:11:29.440 But the fact that he says in the same way in verse 28 is letting you know there's not a hard and fast distinction between the two here. 00:11:30.639 --> 00:11:36.240 Rather, husbands are supposed to have an approach to their marriage as Christ has an approach to his church. 00:11:36.399 --> 00:11:43.919 And of course, Christ approaches his church, in that sense, covenantally, he approaches his church through the new covenant. 00:11:44.080 --> 00:11:47.200 He approaches his church not only through the new covenant, but out of love. 00:11:47.440 --> 00:11:51.600 Christ doesn't only love his elect because the Father told him to. 00:11:51.840 --> 00:11:54.639 Christ loves his elect because he loves them. 00:11:54.799 --> 00:12:00.240 He gives his life up to the elect because he's chosen them in love. 00:12:00.480 --> 00:12:02.159 Paul says this in Ephesians 1. 00:12:02.320 --> 00:12:05.840 In love, he predestined us for adoption as sons. 00:12:06.000 --> 00:12:09.039 In love, Christ sets his heart and his affections on us. 00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:11.039 So in love he comes and redeems us. 00:12:11.200 --> 00:12:15.360 So do you see how Ephesians 1 is the really the backbone here of husbands to your wives? 00:12:15.519 --> 00:12:21.919 You have to understand, back in Ephesians 1, Paul already established that Christ has set his love on the church. 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:24.559 And where did that love get him? 00:12:24.799 --> 00:12:26.399 Well, it got him to the cross. 00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:32.720 It got him crucified, dead, buried, resurrected on the third day where he reigns in newness of life. 00:12:32.879 --> 00:12:35.840 That is the husband's approach to marriage. 00:12:37.200 --> 00:12:43.120 Let me give you an outline this morning for God-given expressions of a husband's call to love his wife. 00:12:43.200 --> 00:12:46.320 I think there's four verbal participles through here. 00:12:46.480 --> 00:12:48.159 There's four expressions of love. 00:12:48.320 --> 00:13:00.879 There's four different words that Paul uses in these verses that are showing you how Christ expressed his love to the church, and therefore how a husband is supposed to express his God-mandated love to his wife. 00:13:03.519 --> 00:13:04.720 Repetition here. 00:13:21.519 --> 00:13:23.360 You don't have to be a Christian to enjoy marriage. 00:13:23.440 --> 00:13:28.559 Non-Christians can be married and can have happy marriages and happy families. 00:13:28.639 --> 00:13:31.679 And this is God's common grace to the world, Peter says. 00:13:31.840 --> 00:13:33.600 It's God's gift of life. 00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:45.440 It's a form of common grace that tribes, nations, ethnicities, language groups, everyone in world history basically has this access to marriage and it is the gift of life. 00:13:45.759 --> 00:13:53.519 Nevertheless, for marriage to be maximized or fully enjoyed, it helps to read the instruction manual. 00:13:54.080 --> 00:14:01.440 And the instruction manual ties the role of husbands to the sacrificial love of Christ in the church. 00:14:01.679 --> 00:14:11.120 So you cannot rightly understand how husbands are supposed to conduct themselves in marriage unless you first understand what Christ has done for his church. 00:14:11.840 --> 00:14:14.240 First description of this is giving. 00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:19.519 But do you remember the verse right before that? 00:15:19.919 --> 00:15:25.759 Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay his life down for his friends. 00:15:26.000 --> 00:15:27.679 You cannot confuse the order. 00:15:27.840 --> 00:15:38.879 The love of Christ, of course, is seen in the church being submissive to Christ, but before the church gets there, it's seen in Jesus laying his life down for his elect. 00:15:40.000 --> 00:15:44.639 That's one thing to say, you know, husbands are supposed to protect their family. 00:15:44.879 --> 00:15:45.200 Okay? 00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:46.480 You get that, right? 00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:51.360 And so in the husband's mind, you're like, yeah, there's an armed intruder in our house, I'm gonna go after that guy, you know. 00:15:51.519 --> 00:15:52.159 I got my gun. 00:15:52.240 --> 00:15:53.200 No one's gonna get to my family. 00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:55.120 You're gonna get to my family, it's gonna be through me. 00:15:55.360 --> 00:15:58.320 I'm the protector of this household, my castle. 00:15:59.519 --> 00:16:05.519 That limits the giving of yourself to kind of a one-time hypothetical action. 00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:12.080 That one time in the future, if something very unusual, not impossible, but very unusual were to happen, I'm ready. 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:13.279 Honey, just so you know I love you. 00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:16.639 If that ever happens, wake me up and I'm there. 00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:28.639 But the giving that's described here is more of a lifelong pattern that the husband is continually giving himself to his wife. 00:16:30.080 --> 00:16:34.320 Jesus did not give himself to the church because the church was worthy. 00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:38.639 Jesus gave himself to the church because he set his love on the church. 00:16:38.879 --> 00:16:44.960 Jesus chose the church, and in light of that, he gives himself to the church. 00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:48.799 This is how husbands are supposed to live for their wives. 00:16:48.879 --> 00:16:53.039 They're supposed to be giving their life away to their wives and to their family. 00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:57.360 And it is not predicated on the wives' worthiness. 00:16:57.919 --> 00:17:05.039 So a husband can't say, My wife doesn't seem to appreciate all that I do for the family, so I'm not going to do it anymore. 00:17:05.359 --> 00:17:14.400 Or my wife doesn't seem to be loving me in return, therefore I'm not going to be providing or leading or all the other things that are going to come on our list in a second. 00:17:14.480 --> 00:17:21.440 I'm not going to withhold my fatherly and my husbandly affection and love for my family because they don't appreciate it. 00:17:21.599 --> 00:17:22.480 They don't seem worth it. 00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:25.759 If you knew how my wife treated me, you would know how hard it is to love her. 00:17:25.920 --> 00:17:27.279 Those kind of lines. 00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:37.680 But again, the biblical example is that the husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, and Christ did not love the church because the church appreciated it at the time. 00:17:38.400 --> 00:17:43.440 We were enemies to God when Christ laid his life down for us. 00:17:43.599 --> 00:17:46.240 We were opposed to him, we were hostile towards him. 00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:50.240 He laid his life down for some of the very people who crucified him. 00:17:50.480 --> 00:17:59.359 This is the image of Hosea who goes and sells all that he has to buy his wife back out of sexual slavery. 00:17:59.599 --> 00:18:00.559 Well, what is she doing there? 00:18:00.640 --> 00:18:01.599 She sold herself there. 00:18:01.759 --> 00:18:03.680 Was she worthy of being redeemed? 00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:09.759 No, not by her own worth, but by the fact that Hosea had married her. 00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:11.680 He had to go redeem her. 00:18:12.240 --> 00:18:14.880 And so Christ has that approach to the church. 00:18:15.039 --> 00:18:17.359 He redeems his elect because he chose us. 00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:19.440 And there's nothing in us that merits choosing. 00:18:19.599 --> 00:18:24.960 God didn't look at all of humanity and say, and this is where to understand Ephesians 1 is so critical to understand this. 00:18:25.119 --> 00:18:30.559 God didn't look at all of humanity and say, you know what, these guys are good enough to save, I'll go get them. 00:18:32.240 --> 00:18:38.880 No, he set his heart on us and saves us by giving his life for us. 00:18:39.039 --> 00:18:41.519 So, husbands, you're married. 00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:43.920 You chose your wife. 00:18:44.240 --> 00:18:46.240 I mean, that's the bottom line. 00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:47.599 You chose her. 00:18:47.759 --> 00:18:52.079 For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. 00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:53.440 You chose her. 00:18:53.839 --> 00:18:55.279 You proposed. 00:18:55.680 --> 00:18:58.160 You likely got on one knee. 00:18:58.799 --> 00:19:00.640 And you asked, Will you marry me? 00:19:00.799 --> 00:19:02.079 You bought the ring. 00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:06.880 You stood in front of me or another pastor or somebody, and you said, I do. 00:19:07.200 --> 00:19:08.880 You did the choosing. 00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:11.680 You set your heart on her. 00:19:11.839 --> 00:19:14.319 You entered that relationship with her. 00:19:15.759 --> 00:19:21.759 And now you've committed as part of that marriage to give your life away to her. 00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:29.759 Of course, the primary sphere of this is in the husband's provision for his family to work and to provide. 00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:34.480 It's not only financial, it's not only food, but that's of course a primary component of this. 00:19:35.119 --> 00:19:38.799 But it's more than simply bringing home the bacon, so to speak. 00:19:38.960 --> 00:19:55.599 It's about giving your love to your family, giving your life to your family, that your whole life now is going to be lived in the context of this family that you started, that you entered into by your choice, by setting your love on this woman. 00:19:55.839 --> 00:20:08.720 Now, it's very hard to understand in Deuteronomy 7, for example, as God talks about this with Israel, it's very hard to understand what comes first, the choosing or the love or the covenant, and it seems like they're all so interwoven in Deuteronomy 7. 00:20:08.799 --> 00:20:13.200 Deuteronomy 7 is where Yahweh says to Israel, I love you because I chose you. 00:20:13.519 --> 00:20:15.119 And I chose you because I loved you. 00:20:15.440 --> 00:20:18.480 And God says, I didn't choose you because you were more numerous than the other nations. 00:20:18.559 --> 00:20:21.680 I didn't look at all the nations of the earth and say, you know what, Israel has the best army. 00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:23.920 Jerusalem is pretty secure up there in the mountains. 00:20:24.000 --> 00:20:25.359 I'll defend that one. 00:20:26.640 --> 00:20:31.119 He says, I chose you, Israel, because I loved you, and I loved you because I chose you. 00:20:31.279 --> 00:20:33.759 It's very hard to disentangle those two. 00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:36.160 And so it is with marriage. 00:20:36.240 --> 00:20:42.240 It's very hard for a husband to say, I love my wife because I committed to love her, or I committed to love her because I loved her. 00:20:43.119 --> 00:20:46.000 You can't really disentangle those two. 00:20:46.160 --> 00:20:47.920 They're both true. 00:20:48.559 --> 00:20:51.359 And when one falters, you go back on the other one. 00:20:51.680 --> 00:20:58.079 When you say, I don't feel like loving my wife today, you remember, but well, I said I do. 00:20:58.319 --> 00:20:59.279 I'm in. 00:20:59.759 --> 00:21:02.160 Now that's not a sign of a healthy marriage. 00:21:02.240 --> 00:21:07.279 If you're, you know, the normal pattern of your life is I don't feel like loving my wife, but I made a commitment, so here we go. 00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:09.599 Day number 492. 00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:21.759 The healthy pattern of marriage is that you recognize the commitment, and that covenantal commitment produces an affection and a love in your heart. 00:21:21.920 --> 00:21:23.519 This is normal Christian affections. 00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:25.440 This is true in every area of sanctification. 00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:30.160 Of course, we don't have time for all that this morning, but it is specifically true in marriage. 00:21:30.319 --> 00:21:32.480 That's why you give your life to her. 00:21:32.640 --> 00:21:34.880 You pour out your life for her. 00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:37.839 Your family is your life. 00:21:38.400 --> 00:21:41.759 You don't cultivate another life outside of your family. 00:21:42.799 --> 00:21:50.240 You give your life at home and your provision to your family, and your affections to your family, your relationships in your family. 00:21:50.480 --> 00:21:54.400 People often ask me, Who's your best friend? 00:21:54.720 --> 00:21:56.240 And I always say, Deedra. 00:21:57.039 --> 00:22:02.079 And I it's always weirded me out a little bit when guys have a Different answer to that question than their wife. 00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:03.279 Who's your best friend? 00:22:03.359 --> 00:22:04.559 Oh, Fred over there. 00:22:06.240 --> 00:22:06.559 Okay. 00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:12.960 You know, I think there's a importance for men to have friendships. 00:22:13.200 --> 00:22:16.960 Male friendship is, I think, is important and a missing, a huge missing factor in our society. 00:22:17.119 --> 00:22:20.319 I think those friendships in the church encourage one another to love and good deeds. 00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:24.000 Proverbs has a lot to say about godly men having godly friendships. 00:22:24.079 --> 00:22:29.920 Of course, I'm not diminishing that, but I'm saying your primary source of relationships and affection and fulfillment is in the home. 00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:32.160 That's what it means to give yourself out. 00:22:32.319 --> 00:22:34.559 You pour yourself out in the home. 00:22:34.640 --> 00:22:39.039 It's the most immediate expression of the Lord's will in your life, is your family. 00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:43.119 Secondly, the giving, sanctifying. 00:22:44.400 --> 00:22:48.640 Verse 26, Christ gave himself for the church that he might sanctify her. 00:22:50.079 --> 00:22:54.960 Now, the so that phrase is noteworthy. 00:22:55.200 --> 00:23:00.640 Christ gave himself to the church so that he can sanctify her. 00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:04.079 It's another surprising turn of phrase by Paul. 00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:06.240 Is that what you would have said? 00:23:06.559 --> 00:23:08.160 I mean, do you ever say that? 00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:10.160 Why did Jesus die on the cross? 00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:11.440 Why did Jesus go to the cross? 00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:14.079 When you tell your kids, why did Jesus have to die on the cross? 00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:16.640 You say, probably not to sanctify you. 00:23:16.880 --> 00:23:18.640 It's not the normal way you'd answer the question. 00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:22.799 You would probably say to save us, to bear our penalty for sin. 00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:25.839 Our answers usually focus on justification, don't they? 00:23:26.000 --> 00:23:28.880 That we are aliens from God and we're enemies of God. 00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:29.440 We have sin. 00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:31.200 We deserve God's wrath and judgment. 00:23:31.359 --> 00:23:36.880 But Jesus takes our sin from us, dies on the cross, so that through faith we can be saved. 00:23:37.119 --> 00:23:38.400 We can be justified. 00:23:38.559 --> 00:23:41.759 God declares our sin is no more because of our faith in Christ. 00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:43.519 The power of sin is broken on us. 00:23:43.680 --> 00:23:46.160 We stand righteous before God, justified. 00:23:46.240 --> 00:23:51.359 That's normally how we describe why Jesus died, so that we can be saved. 00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:56.960 Sanctification is, I guess, is part of salvation, but it's not often what we have in mind. 00:23:57.119 --> 00:24:02.160 Sanctification is the ongoing increasing in godliness in our life. 00:24:02.400 --> 00:24:07.200 From the moment of your justification, you are declared righteous, positionally before God. 00:24:07.359 --> 00:24:11.839 He forensic righteousness righteousness just means God declares you to be righteous. 00:24:12.079 --> 00:24:13.599 He imputes righteousness to you. 00:24:13.759 --> 00:24:15.599 He declares you not guilty of sin. 00:24:15.759 --> 00:24:17.519 You stand before him guiltless. 00:24:17.759 --> 00:24:21.839 But in practice, you are still walking in this world in sin. 00:24:22.000 --> 00:24:23.519 You have your old nature that's still there. 00:24:23.680 --> 00:24:25.920 You're fighting sin and you're growing in godliness. 00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:28.960 This is Ephesians 4, and then the first part of Ephesians 5. 00:24:29.119 --> 00:24:37.119 There's this progressive sanctification throughout your life until glory, when you're in glory, sanctification over, you're complete before Christ. 00:24:37.359 --> 00:24:42.000 Now, here Paul says, Christ gave himself up for that process. 00:24:42.559 --> 00:24:47.680 That process of sanctification is why Jesus gave himself to the church. 00:24:48.000 --> 00:24:55.759 He doesn't focus on the cross, he focuses here on the lifelong process of sanctification. 00:24:57.200 --> 00:25:00.079 And it makes sense when you think about it, why? 00:25:01.279 --> 00:25:01.920 Why? 00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:04.720 What motivates you for how you care for your wife? 00:25:05.200 --> 00:25:12.000 Are you motivated by the wedding itself or by the ongoing life you have with this person? 00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:16.880 I mean, if you need to go back to the vows to motivate your love for your wife, do that. 00:25:16.960 --> 00:25:18.160 That was the first point. 00:25:19.039 --> 00:25:25.359 But a healthier marriage is not concerned about what happened five years ago or ten years ago or 42 years ago when I said I do. 00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:34.799 A healthier marriage is consumed by the ongoing progress of marriage, the ongoing living of life together, the ongoing sanctification. 00:25:34.960 --> 00:25:41.440 And that's obviously what Paul is concerned about in Ephesians 4, 5, and 6, is this ongoing sanctification in the Christian life. 00:25:41.759 --> 00:25:46.240 In chapter 6, which you're going to look at over the next few months, it's all about going to war against the devil. 00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:55.599 It's about pursuing righteousness, about growing in godliness, about putting on the belt of truth and, you know, just bringing the good news to the world and growing in godliness. 00:25:55.839 --> 00:26:00.960 Chapter 4, about being spirit-filled, the power of the resurrection in you as you fight sin. 00:26:01.119 --> 00:26:04.960 That's the context here is your growth in godliness. 00:26:05.920 --> 00:26:10.960 And so Jesus died so that you can grow in godliness throughout your life. 00:26:11.119 --> 00:26:12.960 That's this concept of sanctification. 00:26:13.119 --> 00:26:15.759 The word sanctification, and it's an Old Testament word. 00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:20.160 And it's what was used for the food and the utensils that were devoted to temple worship. 00:26:21.519 --> 00:26:27.200 The temple had certain basins and dishes and tongues and all kinds of stuff. 00:26:27.279 --> 00:26:28.319 They were sanctified. 00:26:28.400 --> 00:26:29.759 They could only be used in the temple. 00:26:29.839 --> 00:26:32.720 The priest can't take those dishes home to use them for supper. 00:26:32.960 --> 00:26:35.599 They belong in the temple, they're sanctified, they're holy. 00:26:35.759 --> 00:26:39.839 What's happening to your life through your conversion is you are being sanctified. 00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:43.839 You're getting ready to serve in the millennial kingdom. 00:26:43.920 --> 00:26:47.279 You're getting ready to serve with Christ throughout his kingdom for all eternity. 00:26:47.359 --> 00:26:51.279 That's why you're being sanctified so you can be temple servants in glory. 00:26:51.519 --> 00:26:53.119 That's sanctification. 00:26:53.599 --> 00:26:56.559 Jesus died to sanctify you. 00:26:57.440 --> 00:27:07.680 Husbands, you give your life away in your family for the purpose of sanctifying your wife. 00:27:08.880 --> 00:27:10.319 Titus 3, 5. 00:27:10.480 --> 00:27:18.880 God saved us, not because of works done in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration, the renewal of the Holy Spirit. 00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:21.839 God washes us with his word through regeneration. 00:27:22.000 --> 00:27:23.759 The Holy Spirit causes us to come alive. 00:27:23.920 --> 00:27:25.200 We're cleansed by the Word of God. 00:27:25.279 --> 00:27:26.000 The Word is a mirror. 00:27:26.079 --> 00:27:28.960 We look at it, it convicts us of sin, and we grow in righteousness. 00:27:29.119 --> 00:27:36.000 This is what Paul's talking about here in verse 26, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. 00:27:36.400 --> 00:27:38.000 The same language he uses in Titus. 00:27:38.319 --> 00:27:47.119 John, the Gospel of John hasn't been written yet, but John is going to uh quote Jesus' language in John 3 that you are saved by the water and the Spirit. 00:27:47.279 --> 00:27:49.279 The water of the Word cleanses you. 00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:51.200 The Holy Spirit causes you to come alive. 00:27:51.279 --> 00:27:53.039 This is a common biblical analogy. 00:27:53.200 --> 00:27:56.079 The water and the word uh are synonymous for each other. 00:27:56.240 --> 00:28:01.599 The Holy Spirit gives you spiritual life, and the word nourishes you and causes you to grow. 00:28:01.680 --> 00:28:02.799 So that's what Paul's saying. 00:28:02.960 --> 00:28:04.640 Husbands do to their families. 00:28:04.799 --> 00:28:06.480 You lead your family in the word. 00:28:06.640 --> 00:28:08.480 You're bathing them in the word. 00:28:09.279 --> 00:28:11.119 You're washing them in the word. 00:28:11.839 --> 00:28:16.640 You're saved by the word and the agency of the Holy Spirit causing you to come alive. 00:28:16.720 --> 00:28:23.119 And now you're sanctified to the progress of your Christian life through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit and the devotion to the Word of God. 00:28:23.279 --> 00:28:24.960 So just take marriage out of it. 00:28:25.119 --> 00:28:26.000 Individually. 00:28:26.319 --> 00:28:29.119 How do you grow in godliness as an individual? 00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:33.359 You read the Word, you pray, and then you do what the Word said. 00:28:33.519 --> 00:28:35.119 It's like basic godliness right there. 00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:38.480 You could write a best-selling book on just the one sentence right there. 00:28:38.880 --> 00:28:44.640 Pray, read the Bible, do what it tells you to do, and you will grow in godliness. 00:28:45.279 --> 00:28:46.880 It's supernatural, of course. 00:28:47.119 --> 00:28:48.559 Jesus had to die. 00:28:48.799 --> 00:28:51.759 The Holy Spirit has to dwell in you for that to happen. 00:28:52.079 --> 00:28:55.279 Husbands, love your wives in that way. 00:28:55.359 --> 00:28:56.559 It's so basic. 00:28:56.799 --> 00:29:04.079 You pray for your wife, you lead her to the word, and then the two of you do what it says. 00:29:04.960 --> 00:29:07.759 That's what you're supposed to do in marriage. 00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:11.039 That'd be a very short, best-selling book, I know. 00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:13.359 You want to be a better husband? 00:29:13.519 --> 00:29:14.880 Lead your wife to the word. 00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:18.240 You don't have to sit her down and read her the word. 00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:22.640 But you want to make sure she has time to read the word. 00:29:23.200 --> 00:29:24.960 You want to make sure she is reading. 00:29:25.359 --> 00:29:26.880 Ask her, what are you reading in the Bible? 00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:28.319 It's a very easy question. 00:29:28.559 --> 00:29:32.480 I know sometimes husbands don't like asking that question because they know it will be bounced right back to them. 00:29:34.319 --> 00:29:36.000 I read Psalm 119 this morning. 00:29:36.079 --> 00:29:37.279 What did you read? 00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:39.200 Proverbs 1-1. 00:29:44.720 --> 00:29:47.519 Bare minimum approach to marriage. 00:29:48.160 --> 00:29:51.359 Sanctify your wife by washing her in the word. 00:29:52.640 --> 00:29:53.920 Expose her to the word. 00:29:54.559 --> 00:29:56.559 The opposite of that would be exposing her to sin. 00:29:57.039 --> 00:30:00.640 Causing your wife to sin would be the worst thing you can do in marriage. 00:30:01.119 --> 00:30:02.480 Exposing her to sin? 00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:04.240 The worst thing you can do in marriage. 00:30:04.480 --> 00:30:06.160 The best thing you can do in marriage? 00:30:06.559 --> 00:30:07.759 Bring her to the word. 00:30:08.880 --> 00:30:13.200 Here's the lowest possible standard for marriage, Christian marriage. 00:30:13.599 --> 00:30:24.640 When you die, you stand before Jesus, and you can declare before God and the angels that this is my wife, and she's a little more godly now than when I found her. 00:30:25.839 --> 00:30:27.440 That's the lowest bar. 00:30:29.839 --> 00:30:37.119 Ideally, you would say, This is my wife, and I've poured out my life for her sanctification. 00:30:37.599 --> 00:30:45.680 I've done, I've made sacrifices, I've done things so that she can be in the word, so that she can grow in godliness. 00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:53.279 Knowing the Holy Spirit is at work in both of you, the word is at work in both of you, but you have a charge, husbands. 00:30:54.400 --> 00:31:00.960 To present, as Jesus in verse 27, to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. 00:31:01.279 --> 00:31:03.119 So she might be holy and without blemish. 00:31:03.359 --> 00:31:07.599 You think, why does Jesus not just, when you get saved, why doesn't he just rapture you at that moment? 00:31:07.839 --> 00:31:19.680 Because he's keeping you on the earth to do things, to confess sin, to read the word, to uh magnify the glory of God by saying no to sin and yes to Jesus, uh evangelism, sacrificial living. 00:31:19.759 --> 00:31:27.839 I mean, there's 10,000 things you're doing in this world that you won't be doing in heaven, and all of those things are producing sanctification to you, in you. 00:31:27.920 --> 00:31:29.599 They're causing you to grow in godliness. 00:31:29.680 --> 00:31:38.160 That's why you're here, so that you grow in godliness throughout this time, because God's glory is magnified as you put off sin and hold on to Christ. 00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:42.559 Husbands are supposed to live that out in front of their wives, and they're supposed to help them do that. 00:31:42.720 --> 00:31:50.400 That God put husbands in this world to help their wives say no to sin and yes to Jesus, so that the glory of God can be magnified in your own marriage. 00:31:50.640 --> 00:32:00.480 So that as Jesus wants the church presented in godliness when when you die, husbands want their wives presented in godliness before the throne of Christ when they die. 00:32:01.359 --> 00:32:02.880 That's the parallel. 00:32:03.119 --> 00:32:05.680 Again, this is not easy. 00:32:05.920 --> 00:32:08.319 I mean, do you catch the cosmic scope of this? 00:32:08.559 --> 00:32:11.039 Jesus wants to present the church before the Father. 00:32:11.200 --> 00:32:20.960 1 Corinthians 15 is going to present the church before the Father, spotless, blameless, so all things will be right in the universe is kind of the language of 1 Corinthians 15. 00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:23.839 Husbands want the same thing for their wives. 00:32:24.559 --> 00:32:28.079 That when they die, here's my wife, and she's godly. 00:32:28.559 --> 00:32:29.759 And I worked at that. 00:32:30.000 --> 00:32:31.119 I worked at it. 00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:34.799