Episode 1: Melding Yellow

Episode Summary

In this first solo episode of Melding Yellow, host Karla Adkins launches the podcast on the same day she marks 12 years alcohol-free. She shares the story behind the name "Melding Yellow," breaks down what a MELD score is and why it matters, opens up about her own turning point, and lays out what listeners can expect from the show going forward.

In This Episode

• [00:00] A special launch day — Karla welcomes listeners back and explains why she chose her 12-year alcohol-free anniversary as the day to launch the podcast, offering hope to anyone waiting for their "day one" to stick.
• [02:21] The story behind the name — Where "Melding Yellow" came from, the wordplay behind it, and what the brand's navy, yellow, and green colors represent.
• [04:38–08:12] Yellow's meaning, then and now — Karla talks about writing the "Yellow" chapter of her book, once one of the hardest and most painful to write, and how the color's meaning has shifted for her from fear to hope and health.
• [08:12–10:35] What is a MELD score? — A plain-language breakdown of the Model for End-Stage Liver Disease score: what it measures (bilirubin, creatinine, INR, sodium, and sometimes albumin and sex), what the 6–40 scale means, and why it matters for liver transplant urgency.
• [10:35–13:00] The crossroads — Karla describes the turning point in her own journey and why traditional paths like AA and rehab didn't work for her.
• [13:00–17:47] Finding a different way — How research led her to a new community, a different methodology, and finally some answers to the "why" behind her drinking — and the self-reflection that came with realizing she'd started pushing her own approach the way others had once pushed theirs on her.
• [17:47–22:34] On labels and language — Why Karla doesn't use the word "alcoholic" and prefers AUD (alcohol use disorder), her honest take on the disease model debate, and why she believes the goal should be helping people find freedom — not agreeing on the "right" way to get there.
• [22:34–24:31] What's ahead on Melding Yellow — A look at what's coming: education, expert guests, the return of the Limiting Belief Lab series, and real conversations about what worked (and didn't) for people navigating their relationship with alcohol.

Key Takeaways

• You never know when your "day one" will be the one that sticks.
• The MELD score (Model for End-Stage Liver Disease) is a 6–40 scale doctors use to assess liver disease severity and transplant urgency.
• There's no single "right" way to find freedom from alcohol — what matters is that it works.
• Karla prefers the term AUD (alcohol use disorder) over "alcoholic," seeing it as a spectrum rather than a fixed label.

Resources & Links

• Website: karlaadkins.com
• Newsletter: sign up at karlaadkins.com for occasional updates — no spam
• Coming soon: Limiting Belief Lab series returns to the podcast

Connect

Follow along and share your own story — Karla wants to hear what's worked (or hasn't) for you. Find her on Instagram [@karlakadkins].

Melding Yellow is hosted by Karla Adkins. New episodes every other week.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Melting Yellow, a space for people quietly wondering about their own relationship with alcohol or worried about someone they love with nowhere to say that out loud. That's okay. I'm Carla, and this is where we melt down the hard, awkward, and complicated stuff one conversation at a time. Hey y'all, welcome to Melding Yellow. This is your host, Carla Adkins. Y'all is so good to be back in the seat and back recording and just talking to y'all. It's been a minute and today is a really special day. And so I thought is the perfect time to launch Melding Yellow. Today, this podcast comes out September 10th. And September 10th is my 12-year alcohol free date. You know, it's it's a really special day. And saying that 12-year mark out loud, it just doesn't even feel real to me. It doesn't. And I share that to the individuals that are struggling, and I share that to family members that have loved ones that are struggling. I know it's there's a lot of broken promises all around, but I just share that because I want you to have some hope. And you never know when that'll be it. So anyway, this episode is gonna be just me, just me today. And there might be some solo episodes in melding yellow. My hope and my prayer, this is gonna just share with what I want melding yellow to be about and what to expect. And also, I'm sure you're wondering what is the meaning behind this weird name, Melding Yellow. So let's get into it. Okay, so the story behind melding yellow. I love a good play on words, and that is it's just fun to me. I think it makes a name stick when it has a few meanings. So let's start with the melding part. Meld is exactly what you think it is. It's that bringing together, melding, mixing together. You'll see that also in the brand colors melding yellow, the the navy and the yellow, and actually the melding of those colors makes green, and that has meaning as well. Meld also took on a whole new meaning for me when I got sick. And I'm gonna talk about that in a second because that's another thing I'd love for melding yellow to be is a podcast that is educational. So in the medical world, meld takes on a new meaning as well. Yellow is a color that I I've had a complex relationship with, I'll say. So initially, yellow is something, and even universally yellow is something that can mean fear and it means caution. You know that just from traffic lights, you know, the flashing yellow, or you know, or prepare to stop. I mean, I wish I had prepared to stop, but I did not. So yellow was a really heavy color in my life for a long time. And that's also yellow happens to be one of my favorite chapters in my book. And it's not my favorite chapter because it was like a joy to write. It was actually really painful to write. It was it brought up a lot of emotions, and I felt every moment of that chapter. But I also think that's why I like it, because I think for the reader, you feel what it's like to be in my seat, and you feel what it's like when I look in my eyes and I see that yellow and the fear that comes. But you know, yellow doesn't mean those things for me anymore. Yellow means what it should mean. It should mean, you know, warmth, hope, sunshine, health. It means all of those things. And that's why you're gonna see it, you know, everywhere. And hopefully the green too, you know, because they both have really beautiful meanings. But that is the story behind melding yellow. But before I wrap that up, I do want to just kind of do the educational part. So when I mentioned that meld takes on a different meaning in the medical world, there is something that I was introduced to when I first got sick, and that is called your MELD score. MELD SCORE stands for model for end stage liver disease. It's something that I found out about, you know, at my very first hepatologist appointment. Um, and it's something that I heard a lot when I first got sick and I joined, you know, just different Facebook groups for support. You hear people compare, like, well, what is your meld score? So it is a score that goes from six to 40. And basically, this number tells a doctor just how sick a person is and how urgently they might need a liver transplant. The higher the number, the the higher the risk of death within three months. They use math to get this number, and so it's based on your um blood results, so lab results. And the key lab measurements are your bilirubin, and the bilirubin shows how well the liver clears bile, your creatinine, and that shows how well the kidneys are working, your INR. This shows how well your blood is clotting. And let me tell you, when that is not good, it's very scary. Just writing that out brought up some really horrific um memories for me. And your sodium, and some newer models also include factor in albumin and whether you are a male or female. So your meld score is something that's significant in the medical world. And so that's the play on words when it comes to meld. So the bringing together, but also it is a significant number in the liver world, I'll just say. So let's kind of get into you know the balance of what I'm hoping that you'll see in melding yellow, in what you know, future episodes will hold. And I think it's important for me to kind of start back in the beginning to share with you what it was like for me at the very beginning of my alcohol-free journey. And sometimes I've described it as, you know, I felt like I was at a crossroads. I felt like I truly was. Like if I could go left or right, and left, quite honestly, meant, you know, a pretty quick death for me. And I don't say that dramatically, that's that was my truth. If I continued to drink, then I was going to die. Or I could turn right, and turning right would be very difficult, but it also needed to include not drinking. And I'm sure to the listener or to someone that has never struggled with something like alcohol or just being addicted to something, it seems pretty silly. Like, girl, turn right. I mean, come on, death is the other direction, but it's important for me to share. It's just not that easy. There was so much fear for me because I had tried to turn right. I had tried to turn right so many times and I failed. You know, I mentioned the multiple day ones before, and I had tried very traditional routes that people had told me this is what you do in order to stop drinking. And so for me, that included, you know, the traditional methodology. I had tried AA, I had even been to rehab before, and those things just did not work for me. You know, the term alcoholic, like nothing about it fit. And and don't worry, believe me, I was hearing from people, you just don't want to admit what you are, Carla. And I wondered that myself, and that scared me. Did I just not want to admit that that was who I was, that I was an alcoholic? Uh I didn't feel that. And so I knew in order to do take that right turn successfully, I needed to do it differently. And I needed it to look to look right for me, or else it wasn't gonna work. I had tried it before. So, you know, again, and people told me, you know, don't, you're gonna fail. And I had all of these warnings, but I did some research. I kind of just took off and thought, okay, how can I find is anybody else out there feel the same way I do? It started off with that. I mean, I really I wish I could go back and see my Google searches. Like, are there people that don't feel like they're an alcoholic, but they know they can't drink? And I'm so glad I did that research because I found a whole new world. I found a whole new world of people and community and science and learning and a whole other methodology and a methodology that I still use in my coaching today, and why it was so important to me and why it worked so well is because it answered all those questions to why? Why did I keep going back? Why did I keep going back, especially after the worst time after being so sick and still going back? I mean, that brought me so much shame and I didn't understand it. And I think when I learned the science and understood what happened, everything just clicked. And not only did it click, you know, in a scientific way where I understood what happened, you know, it really impacted me on an emotional level as well. Because I finally could kind of tackle that shame. I had some empathy to understand, you know, why I had been, you know, why the drinking, why I got stuck, why I kept going back. And it excited me so much. Listen, I just wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I wanted everybody to know about it, that methodology. I wanted everybody to learn the science. I'm sure I was probably very annoying to some people at that time. And it it just because I was excited, it I wanted people to know what I did not know. And and so I've coached in that way and I've spoken about that for a really long time. And I I believe in it. However, I had a quite a moment of I don't know, self-reflection. And because I was hearing myself at one point. And remember how I told you when I started my journey, everybody was telling me if you don't do it this certain way, then you're gonna fail, or there's only one way to do this and you need to go that route. Kind of started hearing that in myself with the way I do things and the way that I found freedom from the substance. And y'all, it's never fun when you the a mirror is kind of held up to your face. And, you know, I was like, wait a minute, I'm starting to do that. Like, oh, you have to do it this way. Um, and it was done innocently, it was done out of excitement, but I really did have to stop and think about that for a while. Because one of the things that I have said from the beginning is we should all celebrate, you know, any way that someone finds freedom from the substance. We should, if you found it one way, you know, then oh my god, I am so excited for you because at the end of the day, that's what should matter. Not the how, not the route, but did it, did you find freedom from it? And that's what we should care about. And, you know, sometimes we just get stuck in we get stuck in the conversation of right versus wrong. And I'm gonna talk about that more in a minute. But what I'm hoping is is that this podcast, Melding Yellow, is going to help people find themselves and by hearing themselves in other people's stories. And I truly believe, you know, our stories can change the world, you know, if we just had a platform that we could openly share without that fear or judgment. And listen, y'all, at this point I share and I know there's judgment out there, but that's okay. My I'm prepared for that. But I heard myself and other people's stories, and it was a game changer for me. You know, you're still gonna hear, you know, my beliefs throughout my language, because that's just that is my truth, and that's how my brain works, and that's what I believe in. And so you're gonna hear it throughout. I think what I I'm gonna say this on repeat is what I hope that you hear is my viewpoint and maybe mixed in with some others and um melding those stories, you know, together and and just having open conversation. I mean, I have to stay true to what I feel saved me. Um that's gonna be important. I'm always gonna be authentic when it comes to that. Um, because one thing you'll notice is that I don't use the word alcoholic. It's actually a term that drives me crazy. And it it and it only does again because of my personal experience. For me, the word alcoholic created a huge barrier for me to ask for help. It I tried to avoid that word. And um, I was like, well, I, you know, I'm struggling, but I'm not that, you know? And and so I I fought that for years. It's also something that I've seen in so many people in my coaching, is that word. It's just they fight against that word. So I'm like, let's just remove it. And I prefer to use the term that actually is the more medical term that hopefully we all start using more. And that's AUD, alcohol use disorder. To me, that term just makes more sense because there it is, it's more of a spectrum, you know, that people fall on when it comes to struggling with their relationship with alcohol. And many people just fall somewhere on that spectrum. And to me, it just creates a freedom to maybe talk about it sooner. However, what I will say too is I know there are so many people out there that use the term alcoholic. And there's many people that say, like that label, that term has helped save me, Carla. So you can't take it away. And that, and that I totally agree with you. You know, you have to do what works for you, and I need to call my and call myself out and practice what I preach and celebrate that for you also. Because I think if we stopped getting stuck in the right versus wrong or this way or that way, we would open up the doors to more people to be able to say, Hey, I think I might have a problem. And you know, the same goes with the disease model. You know, I've seen so many people, you know, argue about this or say, you know, oh, you they have a disease. And and that is a model that I personally don't subscribe to and again didn't align with me. And what you will find if you do research is that there are many brilliant people out there with a lot of letters behind their names that believe in the disease model. However, there's also an equal amount of people with a lot of letters behind their names that are very, very brilliant that have data and say that it's not. So again, what I would love to say when it comes to that is hey, what if we just stopped arguing about it? Because with me, with not a ton of letters behind my name, however, I do have some serious street cred when it comes to this topic. I say, hey, let's use it to help us. Because if you ask the person struggling, do you feel like you have a disease? It actually really helps us in helping them how to move forward and which direction to go. If you definitely, if that does land with you, if you do feel like you have a disease, then there is a methodology that might really align well with you. So let's point you in that direction. Um, if you don't, you know, if you're like, I just don't, that doesn't make sense to me. And there's so many reasons why that it doesn't make sense to me, okay, great. Then this is another direction that I could point you that you might be able to find help and find some freedom. You know, again, we uh and I think in this world we all could be served well by stepping stepping out of our echo chambers for a minute. You know, how much movement could we make if we just, you know, stepped out of that chamber and started having some more conversations? And that's my hope with Melding Yellow. You're gonna, you know, again, I I I'm passionate about education. And so you're gonna see, you know, educational things. Hopefully, we're gonna be bringing back the limiting belief lab where we break down people's beliefs around the substance. I would love to bring on some experts. I want to hear people's stories, I want to hear from you and just have conversations about what worked for you, what didn't, so we can help the people that are struggling. So that's it, y'all. That is it for the first melding yellow episode. I'm so excited for what's to come. If you're curious about anything, please just go to my website. It's Carlaadkins.com. I've got so many exciting things coming up. Join my newsletter. I promise I won't spam you. I don't send out a lot of newsletters. I usually only send something once a month or maybe when I have something coming up so they can stay informative and not annoying. But I really do have a lot of fun things coming. I cannot wait to start this exciting journey with you. So until then, stay curious, y'all, and stay melding.