Da Conch Salad Podcst
Da Conch Salad Podcast is a platform where real issues are discussed and solutions provided—rooted in Caribbean flavor and frank conversation. Join us for candid takes on politics, love and relationships, business, culture, and more, with guest perspectives, practical advice, and the warmth, humor, and rhythm of island life. Tune in for honest dialogue, actionable ideas, and the unapologetic Caribbean vibes that keep the conversation lively.
Da Conch Salad Podcst
Mental Health 101
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In Episode 3 of Da Conch Salad Podcast, we’re opening up the conversation about mental health and what it really means to take care of ourselves mentally and emotionally. We’re talking about stress, anxiety, emotions, relationships, pressure, burnout, and the importance of recognizing when something just isn’t right.
Why is it sometimes easier to say “I’m good” than to admit we’re struggling? Why do so many people feel like they have to deal with everything on their own? And how can we create an environment where talking about mental health is seen as a sign of strength rather than weakness?
This episode is about breaking the silence, removing the stigma, and making mental health a normal part of the conversation.
No judgment. No shame. Just real talk, real experiences, and an honest conversation about something that affects us all.
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You mix uh you mix up a and I'm Anton Brooks coming from the Oslo, Bahamas.
SPEAKER_00And I'm Kathy Heber, normally in Houston, Texas, but right now I'm in Atlanta, Georgia, baby.
SPEAKER_03Yay, peaches, the peach state. So today, uh well, let me tell you a little about it. We're brothers and sisters. We sometimes disagree, we sometimes agree on a whole lot of topics. But we're here to talk about the Caribbean, we're here to talk about the Bahamas and how Caribbean people live, how we do things, and tough topics that we usually don't talk about except around the living room table or when we're arguing with one another.
SPEAKER_00So today, you know, I always come with a topic, and I know y'all probably wondering what they can talk about today. The first time we interviewed someone, the second time we talked about what many people are afraid of money. And today we're gonna talk about what so many Caribbean families sweep under the rug, mental health.
SPEAKER_03Well, first of all, Kathy, I was just let everybody know, including you. I know you think I'm a doctor and I'm a therapist because I go to therapy. Let me put that out there first. You mix away, but we are not professionals. We just want to put that out there first. We're not giving professional advice, we're not giving anyone any mental advice, we're just talking about our what we experience and our thoughts on the situation on the mental topic issue.
SPEAKER_00Yes, well, Kathy.
SPEAKER_03I the first question that I want to ask you. No, you came up with this topic mental health. When did you first realize that mental health was important? Like you had to look when did you first realize that?
SPEAKER_00My first experience, I don't even know if you remember this, but my first experience with mental health is I did counseling as a child, but my first experience with mental health is um we have a brother, Anton, and then after Anton, there's Ali or George, we call him Ali, and I was, I don't remember what age I was. Try not to get emotional, but I was the only one home when he was baker acting. So um that was my first like real experience with mental health, where people come into the home dressed in white, and they took, they took him, they took him against, you mean they took, he had no choice, he had to go. So that was my first time um I experienced mental health, seeing my brother taken away.
SPEAKER_03Well, we're in the Caribbean, Gather, before you continue, what is Baker actors that was in Florida? What exactly is that when someone is baker active?
SPEAKER_00So when someone is baker acting, and I guess it originated because of an actual case. So when someone is baker active, that means that someone that one of their loved ones or their spouse or whoever feels as if their actions um could be the detriment to their health. So because of that, they can call and they can be taken away against their will. They don't have a choice.
SPEAKER_03So that was that was our brother that was baker active. So uh, do you think melting health issues run in the fun in a family? Or can run in families?
SPEAKER_00Hi, so I don't know if you guys know. So me and Anton have the same mother, and um, our mother's biological father is a de Gregory, and I know y'all know Dr. Roop. So Dr. Roop is like uh like my mom's second cousin or something like that. But I and we have mental health issues on both sides because we have my um grandmother's son, my uncle has a mental health issue, and I believe that mental health could be hereditary, it doesn't affect everybody the same way. So if you have someone that's schizophrenic, that don't mean that you know their children can be schizophrenic. It's not like that, it doesn't transfer like that, but I believe it's it is hereditary. I believe that in our family we have a lot of undiagnosed people.
SPEAKER_02I can leave that part right there. I dig it into that one, like I said, they gotta go and go eat dinner with them tomorrow.
SPEAKER_00I I have a question with for you, bro. Yeah, why do you believe that? Um, and I hope you can hear me clearly, why do you believe that like it's frowned upon for men to deal with mental health issues? And what made you take the have the courage to deal with your own?
SPEAKER_03Well, I'll answer the first question first. Why do men? I think men have a from you grow up as a man, you're always told to suck that, suck it up, be a man, stand firm, boys don't cry, toughen up, you know, all the cliches that we say are that the little boys, but we don't really we don't realize what we're doing to little boys, we're telling them keep that shit in and don't don't talk about it. And you know, it it kind of takes a toll on your body after a while. If you keep that stuff bottled in and you don't have a somewhere to talk about it healthy, you're gonna you're gonna start to become sick, irritated, agitated, depressed sometimes. And I think you know that leads into a second question you're asking, why did I take a load? I think I was going through a personal depression. I was I just got a divorce and my business wasn't doing what I would what it was. Uh strangely enough, I actually think COVID, the whole COVID episode too, um, made me that way too. Um, watching social media, watching this felt like the end of the world was coming. You didn't know what to do, you didn't know who to believe. So, with all of that, I said I have to do something. And like you said, we have a history of dealing with mental health in our family, and I saw what different people went through. I saw what I felt what I was going through. Sometimes I just stayed in the house. I didn't go to work. I opened up a business here in Nassau, and I basically didn't do any work. I mean, I just we hired somebody and they sat in the office, and I didn't show up to work for months. Really, I was just in the house, I would go out, party all night, come home, and just sit in the house, listen to music, wake back up and repeat.
SPEAKER_00So no one knew you were struggling.
SPEAKER_03No, no, I didn't tell anybody. If anyone called me and asked me how great, I'm doing great, I love NASA, it's great, it's business is great, business is great. I didn't even do any business, but uh none of my best friends knew. I didn't tell anybody about it. I just I just kept it inside, and then one day uh I think somebody told me about this this this this software or this program where you can talk to somebody who wasn't in the country, and I felt comfortable doing that. You know, sometimes we don't want to tell uh deep dark secrets to anybody, and I felt it was comfortable to share that with somebody who was out of the country, who didn't know me, who didn't have any background history on me, who couldn't tell anybody what I told them. So I it made me feel more comfortable to open up and to go see that. It's been a world of I I recommend I'm the number one cheerleader for therapy now.
SPEAKER_00I know, I know, I know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so you know, you're talking about me and therapy, so I hope I don't dig too deep here. What I'm about to ask you next. So, Kathy, you've been in uh mental institution soundliness. Can you tell us about what brought you there? Do you felt like you were supposed to go there? Did you hate it?
SPEAKER_00Like you get there, God is so good. The man who sent me there, asked how I get there.
SPEAKER_03You don't have to tell them that. Why you have to tell them that so I think I asked you God, I didn't hate you.
SPEAKER_00Um, I actually, you know, I think that's why I mean you have such a distinct connection because I remember I'm gonna answer the question, but I remember when I came out of Sandlands and I asked you, like, why would you send me there? And he and you said to me, I don't know if you remember this, you say, but you won't play crazy. So I wanted to show you what where crazy people is go. You think you belong there? So what happened was is um Anton, I was acting irrational. I was actually going around freeport doing a dirty wine dance because my friend Matter have the song dirty wine zones in the club. So I guess Anton got the report, and you know, there was other things, you know. And Anton, my mom wasn't on the island, she was traveling at the time, and Anton Baker acted me. And what happened was is I was in the hospital in Freeport, but they had to shut down for remodeling. So the government flew me to Sandlands, and that was a great experience because it's so funny. I had a big old suitcase, and it was like, why this girl come here with all these clothes? So I had this big old suitcase, all these matching things, and I remember that they would not let me out because I refused to take the medication. So my mom used to be like, Kathy, had it on your tongue or whatever, whatever, but I had to take it because they'll watch you like swallow in order to get out. So um, while I was in Sandlens, though, um, I tried to run away.
SPEAKER_02Not very close.
SPEAKER_00And I want to tell people about this experience because I think this is why I'm so mentally strong. So Sandalens, so you guys that are not from the Bahamas, Sandlands is a psychiatric hospital for people in the Bahamas. So in Sandlens, I literally tried to run away. So I got to the fence, but I couldn't climb over the fence. I guess that's so the security guards came and got me, and you guys, because I did that, they stripped me butt naked, and they put me in a room that doesn't have a bathroom, it's just a it's just a concrete floor, no blanket, no pillow, and I was remanded there for 72 hours. They pushed my food underneath the door, and um TV should do huh?
SPEAKER_03I said that's some TV should do.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you have to knock on the door to use a breast room, and what I learned in that moment is like when you ain't got nobody but God, you gotta lean on God, and I think that that experience initiated something in me to where nothing can break me. So a lot of times people ask me, like, how do you keep going? How do you do that? And I want to remind people like I've been through hell.
SPEAKER_03Shit, yeah, you won't play crazy, you know. But um, you talked a little bit about the I want to ask you, and before I asked you this question, I I don't know if you remember this, but I didn't know what to do with your ass. Like you was tripping out, or I thought you were acting irrational, and one minute me and you would sit down and talk, and you would be cool, and then I would leave you to the house and come back, and you was doing some other irrational shit. And I remember taking you to the pastor, saying this girl must be possessed by spirit or something, but like I don't know what to do. I just wanted to just just throw that in there when I went now that now that I want to ask you about the medication. You know, you said that you put the medication under your tongue because you didn't want to take it. What made you do something like that? Like, why and why did mommy tell you not to take the medication?
SPEAKER_00Remember, she had another child that had mental health issues, and I want to big up my mommy because she, no matter what people said about me, like she was determined not to have another child have a mental health crisis that they have to live with for the rest of their life. So my mommy became a doctor. She researched what was going on with me physically, and she found out through research that I had like chemical imbalances can cause mental health triggers. So she had me, I had to give my hair and I had to pee in a cup, and she paid and sent these things off to lab. And then in the midst, in between time, before that came back, big up to Dr. Bethel and Freeport. She took me to Dr. Bethel, and Dr. Bethel gave me holistic medications, natural vitamins and things. I don't remember. You know, so many years ago, decades ago, I don't remember, but he basically took the medication out of my system because I had to take it in order to get out. They weren't, and because of that, like I couldn't sleep, or when you see me, my eyes was like this. Like I did, and and with with going to doctor Beth, I think it took me maybe 90 days to get the medication out of my system.
SPEAKER_03So, on a deeper level, how did you feel? Family members treated you, how did you feel? The people around town treated you, how did you feel? Like, how like going through that experience and having to come back and be around, how did like I treat you when you come? Like, how did that like like you felt like we treated you different? We handed you a kick gloves.
SPEAKER_00So clearly, you want me to cry. Um, when that happened, people are weird, you know, people are so insensitive to real life, they're so ignorant. And a lot of the times people will look to you to judge until God takes them through it. And one person, because I remember my mommy used to be pissed at my family because you know, I forget. Like I'll be upset and I forget and I forgive. My mommy says, Huh, you don't know what they say about you, and you don't know what this and you don't know that. But my brother, my mom called my brother Kelvin, and Kelvin came to get me, and I was with him at his one-bedroom apartment. And uh he was so in tune to what was going on with me. Like, if I couldn't sleep, he would take me in his truck, and we would just drive around freeboard, and he would talk to me, and he would just like he was just there. He was just there. He just never left my side.
SPEAKER_03And what it wasn't uh making me alright. Um, I I come off this topic, but then one of the things that I like about Kelvin, they're so recipe and Fred, is something about some men in this world where they just they just understand differently. It's like that's one thing I loved about Kelvin. He could, he could, he understood emotional intelligence is the word that I look in for. He just had such an emotional intelligence in the way where I'm the tough guy and I want to treat everything harshly, and I am I'm not soft at all. He's one of those men, or he he was one of the and Fred is the same way, he's one of those people that just understand they can hear what you're not saying. I don't know, they just read your intelligence, but anyway, I'm not meaning to go away off topic. So you're saying that Kelvin helped you come back, and family members talked about you, but how did uh they probably still talking if you don't get them if they ain't talking but you then you ain't doing nothing?
SPEAKER_00I know that's right. Um the stone who the builders reject ends up being the head corner stone.
SPEAKER_03What I know you talked about what didn't work or what didn't you like, or what family members or others that you didn't like. Were there some things that somebody did? Oh, you actually just talked about that, Kelvin. Uh, could but can you hit on that a little longer? Like, what did Kelvin do to make you feel that you could come back from this?
SPEAKER_00Like I was like I was his sister, he didn't care. Also, I don't want to just leave Kelvin over there because remember, um, I was in Nassau and Sunderland, and we from Freeport. And my dad's side of the family is you know more Nassau. Um, I have a cousin, she looks just like me. I mean, I look like her because she's older. Her name is Catherine. Y'all look like me. Yeah, and Catherine, um, she was with mommy every day. So she would bring mommy to Sunderland's and she would come see me every day. And she was she was mommy's right hand um during that experience. Because you know, Nassau is not home to us. So mommy needed a ride every day, and she would come, and then she would sometimes just come and let mommy come in by herself because mommy flew. Remember, she wasn't there, but when she found out something happened to me, she came and she was down.
SPEAKER_03So, you know, you were talking about Ali. Um, that's the first time you had experience with mental health. What a lot of kids today are going through ADHD, um, being medically diagnosed, they're being put on Ritalin and all these suppression things. Um, you think we sometimes too quick to label these kids, especially boys? Yeah, yes, too label to start giving them drugs and labeling.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and you know what? I want you guys to know that the money is not in the cure, the money's in the medicine. Like, what happened to going back to God? What happened to taking them? Because, you know, having my own child, it made me one, Zakai taught me patience, but Zakai was having sent because I am a very direct person. Like you say, Anton, like how we talk, how we was raised, I'm very direct. And my six-year-old child would say to me, Mommy, I don't like how that made me feel. And I'll look at him and he'd be and he'll tell me exactly, well, you said this, and that's not how you should have said that. That was very harsh. Yes, you corrected me, but you could have said it in a different way. And I just literally have to check myself, you know. So I um I believe that we accept the doctor's report too swiftly. I believe that, you know, even when it comes to autism, and you have to be your own child's advocate, because when I asked the guy, I knew that by research, I knew that there's a shot, an MMR shot, that has um adverse effects and it causes autism. So I was adamant that my child wasn't gonna get that, you know, and they'll be like, oh, well, you had it, yeah, but what was in the drugs when I was a child versus what in the drugs now is not the same. Because come on, Anton. How many you see how much you have autism?
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm. 88 how much boys, yeah. It's crazy. Yes, yes, little black boys, so yes, it's crazy. I mean, the the statistics, people, you know, I did a research on it a little while ago, and then uh well, Chat GBT was my research. But I asked him, and I say, Why all these children? Because you know, as a friend of mine, their nephew, I will call him, um, they're diagnosing him already. He's only like two years old, and they're already diagnosing him and ready to put him on drugs and stuff, and saying that he's special learning and all kind of stuff. And I'm trying to tell them that this and you're you can you can do some uh do some research, and I and I'm glad that you mentioned that, but I because I believe that too many of us in this world accept what someone else says without really looking it up ourselves in this world of technology in this world of where everything is, you would sit down and watch 10 episodes of some show, but you wouldn't sit down for a couple of hours and research stuff about your own kids. You just want to go to the so-called experts and find out, and like you said earlier, you know, and I mean to to to to talk bad about anybody, and I'm not trying to say that doctors are not good, and we need doctors, of course we do, but what I am trying to say, some of them, some of them are uh how should I put this?
SPEAKER_00They're practicing medicine, meaning they're practicing is from what they study, they're practicing, it's their opinion. It it's they're not God, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I couldn't say that better. They're not God. And and and and and unfortunately, some people, once they get that piece of paper, you know, some people go to college and get a degree in finance, and whatever they learned that last day of school, that's it. They don't try to keep up with what's going on in the world, they don't learn about new stuff that's going on out there, they don't learn about new treatment methods. You know, I think that there is a balance between taking a natural way towards things, and then sometimes you gotta use definitely there's some people that need medication to help them with it. And I've been around people, like you said, I've seen people when they come off their meds and how they act when they're off their meds versus how they act when they're on their meds. But there's a good side and bad side to everything, you know. We have family members that are on medication, and we see that when they're on the meds, it calms them down, but they turn into sometimes like zombies. Absolutely just walking around like a like a zombie and go on that's good or not, but I can tell you what do you think? I know you talked about Dr. Dr. Belta Bethel. That this was something in the past and it could never come like like when did you know that you you were past that? Like what what what point in your life did you reach this to say you passed that?
SPEAKER_00So guess what? That was just an introduction to my mental journey, Sandlands. I've been in, and here's the thing the story is to be sold, not told. So I'll tell you, I'll write, I wrote a book about my experience because instead of y'all sip sipping, I'll get I'll make money off of it. Right? So that was the first introduction to my mental health experience. I was in two other mental hospitals. The last time I was in a mental hospital, it was because I tried to take my life. Um, I received some medical information where basically a doctor told me that I was terminally ill. And based off of the information, I took a wax off. So a Wet saw is like something that you use to cut towel. When you when construction people use a cut tile, I took a wet saw and I um I tried to decapitate myself, literally. And glory be to God. I had a praying grandmother and I had a guardian angel of a nephew who was there with me and with his foot he unplugged the wet saw. So I'll never forget. I went to the mirror and I looked at my neck and I said, but God, why am I still here? I'm supposed to be dead. And um I thought that the wet saw stopped working because of all the, you know, like the guts and stuff that was in it. But it was my nephew that I unplugged it. And I went and I laid in my sister's bed, and you know, Corey called um 911, and 911 came and they trauma hawked me to the um to the emergency room. Mind you, me and Fred was living together at the time, and he just went to work. It was a regular day of work. We were boyfriend and girlfriend, and it was a regular day of work, and um glory be to God, and um, he was in the operating room before they took me, and he said, I'm here, and you're gonna be okay, and I'll be here when you get out. And he never left my side.
SPEAKER_03Wow, you did all that just to catch a helicopter ride. You should have just told me I've just stayed back. I've just booked the helicopter first.
SPEAKER_00Hey, my uncle is a pilot. I used to play it.
SPEAKER_03Um, do you think that what do you have to say to those people? I don't know if you ever did therapy or anything like that. What do you have to say to those people? Uh um, yeah, what are your thoughts about therapy?
SPEAKER_00Anyway, um, I've done therapy. I did therapy as a child. I did it, I did marital counseling, I did it by myself. Um, I'm going back. My brother Anton is always on me about um going back. He even sent me the money to pay for a month to go back to counseling. Are you sure I pay some kind of business deal with it? But he's um adamant about me. And I believe that everybody needs counseling. See, counseling is not only there for when things are bad, even when you have um, even when things are going good, you um should be able to vent to someone because here's the thing, and many who don't know me, I'm an empath, so I take on a lot of people's stuff, like a lot of people. And I was just, you know, on the prayer call this morning and venting saying, like, who's there to check on the strong people? You know, who's there to check on the strong people? And um, counseling is is and counseling is essential. Now, when people come to me with their foolishness, I say, hey baby, that's above my pay grade. You're gonna have to go talk to somebody but that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and if I could share something, you know, you know, I'm a strong advocate for therapy, and people said, just because I know I have a lot of people who I and they just because it helps you doesn't mean it gotta help me, and and just because you gotta go to counseling, and I don't need well, one of the things I don't need no therapy. I get that from a lot of people, I don't need no therapy. Only crazy people need therapy. I say, well, I guess I'm crazy. But I think one of the things that if I could talk about my experience with it, one of the things that helped me did it do is it helped me become self-aware. Now that's a very key word that a lot of us don't want to become. A lot of us really don't want to know ourselves, and a lot of us don't know ourselves. A lot of us know the image that we project out there to the world, and we think that's who we are. And I've been going to counseling for like a little over two years now, and even two weeks ago was something happening in my counsel in my therapy session that changed. Like, I if it felt like, and I even throw my therapy, it felt like I was going to counseling for two years just for that one day, like it finally like something like it finally clicks. Yeah, it was like, why am I the person who I am, and why do I move the way I do, and why do I behave the way I do? Why do I accept some things and what I don't accept? Like, I really learned myself, and I think a lot of people don't want to know put in the work, the good and the bad, yeah. They don't put in the work, they they they like to talk about the good side there is like they like to talk about all the money they donate to people and how much times they go to church and what they did with this, and they're married, or whatever. They want to talk about and what they did for someone's kids and how they donated some money to feed Africa or something like that. They wanna, but they don't ever tell anybody about the bad stuff, they don't tell them like how they was coveting their friend's wife, or they were secretly put some stuff in the pocket in their pocket when they was in the store and they ain't pay for it, but ain't nobody know, but they just walk at the door like they pay for it, and they ain't gonna talk about all the bad stuff they do, they don't talk about how they talk behind a best friend's back, they would tell about how they sleeping with somebody like but people really got to get to know themselves, and once you become self-aware and you know who you are, then you know it helps you move throughout life a whole lot smoother. You're gonna you you see things before it even happened. Um, you sort of like become let me see how that's it. You become clairvoyant or something like that. It's like you can that's a big word.
SPEAKER_00That's plenty letters.
SPEAKER_03Don't ask me to spell it.
SPEAKER_00You know, that's my next thing.
SPEAKER_03You know, as you say, spell that um, but you become so in tune with who you are, you start to see, you start to see like the future before it even happens. You could just meet someone, and in that brief second, you can pick up on their energy, you could the way they speak to you. You would just be like, you know what? This person is not just no, that's not for me. I gotta stay 10 feet, like no, it's nice to meet you, but no thanks. So it has helped me, especially it's helped me with dating women. Like sometimes I sometimes it doesn't now. Sometimes I feel like I mean, you know, them hips and dice, I be looking at, and then I'm blind to all the rest of that stuff. But then sometimes I'm looking at you and be having a conversation, and within three minutes, I'm like, nah, I don't think so. I've grown past that. You think you gotta check somebody else who's still down there trying to find themselves? I'll be past that level there where you are.
SPEAKER_00It it's like when you become the more mentally strong that you become, your boundaries are firm. So I feel like I'm in the season of firm boundaries. I'm in the season of I am too old, I'm at too advanced age to explain to someone what loyalty looks like, to explain to someone what transparency looks like, to explain to someone what respect looks like. And it's like I find myself having actions, like doing something and standing firm on it. Because I feel like with me, I'm too kind. There's a thing of being too kind, like you, I'm too welcoming.
SPEAKER_03I think mom, mommy, you call us that, you gotta all us like this.
SPEAKER_00I'm too welcoming. So it's like I it's like I try to, and that's that's what we're called to do. We're called to be selfless, right? But we ain't called to be foolish. So now I find myself protecting my marriage, protecting my home with boundaries, and learning to say no and standing firm on it. Because here's the thing the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy. And this is not a season to be distracted. Because this, if you really feel like you are the pinnacle and you, you know, you're living your best life, you know, everything going firm for you in your business, everything going firm for you spiritually, physically, you're trying to figure it out, the enemy can be after you. If you're being used in this world, the enemy's gonna be after you. So, what is your response? Are you gonna go, you know, be basically falling that same trap, be trapsy, or are you gonna say, hey, this is me, I over here, I draw the line, and you stay over there like my peace is priceless, baby. We ain't never gonna talk again.
SPEAKER_03Well, I happy you just bring that up because you know, we're talking about mental health here. And I want to segue into this. What's up, what's up with y'all, women of the to the what do you have here? 2020 is the millenniums. What's up with y'all in this word peace? I mean, if I hear another woman say peace, I'll be a billionaire. What is up with this word peace? Why everybody searching for peace?
SPEAKER_00What's up with that? And some of them, and some of them ain't got it, they just saying it. Here's the thing, here's what I see is peace. Peace is when peace within is when it doesn't mean that everything in your life is perfect, right? It means that no matter what you're up against, you know who's with you. So, like my world literally is be crumbling before me. I I'll see a fire to the north, to the south, to the east, I'll see, or uh I'll see like a flooding, and to the to the west, I'll see destruction. And I'm okay. It's like I go back to that same Cathy that was in Sunderland on that concrete floor, naked by herself, cold, alone with God. That's peace.
SPEAKER_03Well, I I like the way you ended there when you say cold and alone, because that last word alone, I think a lot of people, and this is just from my personal experience, I think a lot of people, especially, you know, we I actually that question about women. I think some women today, like we talked about therapy, they don't know themselves, they're not self-aware. And actually, to be quite honest with you, they're not they don't love themselves properly. And when I say that, I mean that I when I have conversations with women today, it's sort of like they're looking for this man to make issues, it's make they're looking for someone to make them happy, and to my experience and in relationships, I've found out that you can't make no one in this world happy. The only person that can make you happy is yourself, and I was about to say, and in fact, you barely can make yourself happy, you can struggle it. I try to make me come there to make you happy, and you ain't happy with yourself. So uh, I think that a lot of people today, men and women, I won't just say women, because I know I got some female friends out there listening right now saying all this man always talking about women, but I think that you're supposed to, you ain't about to be talking about man, you don't like man. I just say they got me all mixed up. Uh a lot of women today are not happy with themselves, and you you you have to be happy by yourself with yourself, who you are, who you're becoming, and and and a lot of people think that this this life that we're living, it's more of a destination. I always tell people, boy, when I do this, then I can be happy, or when I get this, then I can be happy. Boy, if I could just make this much more money, then I can be set, or if I could just get this house, then I can be set. Listen here, if you ain't set with nothing, you ain't gonna be never set with everything. Go ahead and have a question the whole world, and you ain't gonna be happy.
SPEAKER_00I have a question for you, bro. And um, if you were the so going through your mental health um journey and becoming a better you, if you were this on, the and tone that you are now, and I always tell you that I'm so proud of your your growth wholeheartedly. But if you were this onto, would you have approached your marriage differently?
SPEAKER_03I think that not taking anything away from who I the wrongs that I did and the mistakes that I made, and which which really had me in depression because I felt like I was a failure, and failure the most important thing in the world. Well, the most important thing in the world to me was my family, and to become to fail at it, I was really embarrassed, I was hurt, I was, you know, and I definitely would have done a whole lot of things differently. But I I I I I what I would say is that when I think about it all, I want to say no, I wouldn't have done anything differently, only because if I didn't go through the journey that I went through, then I wouldn't be who I am today. Like I wouldn't have had that revelation in therapy two weeks ago with like just like an game changer for me personally. And like I wouldn't not have grown, I would not have matured. I was married for 20 something years, but I wasn't mature. I mean, I might have been mature to what other people think, but the level of maturity that I am now and the level of maturity that I was back then is two different levels. The way I speak now and the way I spoke back then is just it's a totally different person. I'm a totally different person. The confidence I have now, and I'm a confident motherfucker. I know I always been.
SPEAKER_00So God was giving out confidence. We was in the front line, baby.
SPEAKER_03So but um, yeah, I I it it was that journey that I say I I wouldn't change a thing, but yes, I would. I mean, if I could go back, of course I changed a whole lot of shit. But I unfortunately I can't go back, so I only could just look back and say, okay, I learned from those lessons, I know what to do differently. I you know, sometimes right now I'm single. I mean, I mean, I'm here in this world, and sometimes I'm like, I want a wife, I want kids again, I want all that stuff, and then 10 minutes later, I'm sitting down looking at a family, and I'm listening to the husband and wife arguing in the parking lot about something, and the kids screaming in the backseat of the car, and I'm like, I don't know. I don't want that.
SPEAKER_00You know what though? And I I I it it that brings me to another question, and you know, I'm very transparent, so I want to say it was maybe like a year ago. You could tell me if I'm wrong. I think it was like a year ago, like a year ago, I was adamant on getting divorced. I came to you and I was like, buddy, I can't do this everything away, like I finished. I was finished. I was I even I even went to a lawyer to find out how much it's gonna cost. And I applaud you because you know, there's not many people that can talk to me, that could really talk to me and I listen. People can talk, but there's not many people that I invite in my real world. And um during that season, you were adamant on me seeing the value in the spouse that God gave me. You were adamant on me. You were you corrected me like every time I had something to say, you say, nah, Katie, look here. And you, you know, I don't we don't need to repeat what was said, but I believe because you had experienced divorce, you did whatever you could so that I wouldn't have that same journey. And I thank you for that. You know, I thank you for believing in restoration, even when you didn't have it, you wanted it for me. And that that speaks volumes.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you know, uh another brother I have with my dad, Stephen. Hey Steven, uh, he told me something. He said, Boy, when I got divorced, it took me eight years to recover from that divorce. And I was like, eight years, nigga, you was a punk. I tell him that, but that's me taking my mind, taking eight years. Ain't no woman can never have me that pussy whoop. Eight years, nigga, take me eight seconds, nigga. You know what it says? I saw pimp, but it sure did kick my ass. And uh divorce, uh, I got a piece of paper here. Divorce is literally like taking a piece of paper and tearing it in half, like you actually are splitting your body in two, and it's painful just like that. If someone had to cut your body in half, that's what divorce. If you really love somebody, that's what divorce feels like, like literally tearing yourself in half. And uh, I don't wish that on anybody, so or any friends I have that are going through issues. I try to tell them, and guess what else? He shit out here anyway. He might as well stay with that. You might you think that's a monster, you think that's a beast, you think that that person is the worst person known to God. Wait, that you come out here on these streets. I mention I can't speak for the women, but I only can tell your men, these women out here ain't playing. You better come with that money, you better come with that money, and they who want somebody who wants them for just material money, yeah. No man, no man wants that. Somebody wants to be loved because who they are and valued because of who they are.
SPEAKER_00And you know what? I don't know if you know this or if you haven't realized, like you and Charo were the example of marriage for me because on my mom's side of family, you know, most women are single. We are we have some very strong women on my mom's, um, my mom's side of the family, and most of them are single. Most of them are single parents, most of them, you know, are business owners, but they're holding it down for themselves, and they don't have it's not, and it's different being raised in a single-parent home than a two-parent family home. Because at the end of the day, I cannot teach the guy how to be a man. I I cannot. As much as I love him, as much as I care for him, as much as I could provide, I cannot teach him how to be a man. And you were that example for me. I don't even think I ever had this conversation with you, but you know, you were that example. So for me, when it comes to our marriage, and you know, there are other people that were married on my my mom's side, but I'm talking about real marriage, like marriage where the husband and the wife love each other and it's it's growing because whatever it's fruitful, it grows. You know, you know, you know, if you know somebody by their fruit, but you were that example for me, you were that example for so many years to show me that I can get through this. And when I heard about a divorce, I I was mourning, you know, and um that's a generational curse because you know, we're not meant to be alone. A man ain't meant to be alone, a man supposed to have a wife, a man that has wife finds favor, you know. So um it's not two parent families is is is important, yeah.
SPEAKER_03And you know, you touched on something there that is so you know, I'd mentor young men, and uh it hurts me sometimes when I'm mentoring a young man, the response I get from them all. It's like it's funny, but it's not funny. It's like, and I don't mean I don't mean to come down on women, but you know, unfortunately a lot of households are led by women. And when I'm trying to steer a young man in the direction of becoming a man from a young boy to a man, it kills me how sometimes mothers cuddle their sons, protect their sons. There are some mothers who really don't want their sons to leave the home to become a man. It's like they made, and this is why you gotta go to therapy, it's like that young man is has become their husband, and it also kills, you know, especially for those women who are living on the poverty line. Like I see little young 12, 13-year-old boys being forced to go out there and work. You're putting adult duties now. It might be a bad thing because they miss some schoolwork and stuff, but uh I look at it as positive, too, because you're teaching a young man how to become a man very quickly. And and and people might say that that's a bad thing, but I think it's a great, great, great thing for a young man to figure out how to deal with money, how to how to figure out you gotta work for what you want and stuff like that. But at the same time, uh, and that's just my own psychological evaluation of women, that I think that some women actually make their sons their man because you know why a woman's son is the only man in the world who can never hurt her. Don't care what your son does to you, your son could never, he can't cheat on you. So, I mean, that's the only thing most women concerned about as far as hurting, is about a man cheating on them. But uh, he's gonna love you. Even most sons love them all more than they love their wives. So, no one you know that love that you're getting from that young man is is I think y'all the church calls it a gap and love is like it's like some type of love that you're gonna get to find. And a lot of women uh confusing that and making their sons um they're they're they're they're I don't know. They're looking at it the wrong way.
SPEAKER_00They spouse, yeah. They make they that's a great thing. They make and it's cultural because you know, um, many Caribbean cultures in the African cultures. The mom thinks that the son is supposed to provide. That's like the son is their husband. That's the truth. It's out there. And it's things that again we sweep under the rug. That's mental health issues. Mostly the mother and the father didn't work out. That mummy daddy was never there for her. So she has daddy issues that she brings into the relationship and she's looking for validation from this partner that she never received from her father. And you know, I wasn't raised with my dad in the home. My mom and my dad separated when I was like five or six. However, I have strong men in my family. I have, I remember when my mom would send me to the Bahamas for the summer, and that's why I'll always say this man is my favorite uncle. When Uncle Kevin picked up his children, he picked me up. And it was me, Kenesia, and Tevin together. Like I was his child. And you know, that that's what when it matters. Like you have to, you have to spend intentional time with children, not just buying them things. Like my uncle showed me what love is from a man at a tender age. And it's like I knew he could like feel in the spirit that wrong things was happening. Because he would always come pick me up. He would always ask me, you know, is everything okay? And I was terrified to tell him because, you know, my uncle they'll be dead. So I love him more for his freedom than for, you know, than to put him into foolishness. But that's the I have I had strong men. I had you. I had you and and and Ron sit me down and tell me, like, hey, don't let a man do this to you. Don't let a man do that to you. And I don't think you remember. I was young, I probably was 10. And you set me down. You happen to be in Florida and you set me down. You say, I was probably 10 or 12, and you say, Kiathy, you have to learn how to sign your name because you're gonna be famous one day. And I was like, sign my name. He was like, you you show me you have to create a signature. And you know, these are little things that you did that you probably don't even remember you did that that live in me. You know, so like I just know that I can face anything because of the the the seeds that were placed in me. This is not, this is not, Kathy didn't become Kathy because you know it just happened. Like Kathy didn't, it is just gifts that was given to me. Like my mom, when when when I started writing, my mom told me that my dad was a writer. So I feel like that's the gift God gave me through my dad, you know, that he probably didn't execute, but I did. I took it, I'm always gonna take it to another level. So, you know, I took that experience, that mental health crisis, and I wrote a book by God's grace. And that's because it's only by the grace of God that I'm here, it's only by the grace of God that we are all here. And then remember when um I started with the affirmations? Yeah, and like you was like, But where are you getting these things from? Like, people wanting these, like, and I'll never forget um Jane Albright, the CEO of the company that I'm aligned with. She called me and she said to me, Kathy, are you making these things up? Because some of them are about business and some of them about life, and da da da. And I said, Yeah, she said, Well, you're a writer, you already know how to write a book. She said, put these in books, and that's how the affirmation journals get out there. And you just you just have to be intentional about your health.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we talked about all the struggles. Let's let's talk about something good. What is your happy place? What is your mentally safe, happy place?
SPEAKER_00My mentally, my mentally safe, happy place is in motherhood. Um, that's one of the places because you know, I was always a mom. Like when I was young, I always had my little cousins, and I was everybody's Annie Kay, and you know, everybody loved Annie Kay. And I remember at the moment when I thought I couldn't have kids, and I asked God, you know, would I ever have this experience? And that weekend I got pregnant. God is an intentional God, y'all. You have not because you asked not. But my happy place is being able to experience motherhood and being able to just like even if it's not my child to love on somebody else, to be that that rainbow on a cloudy day, to let other women, other people know that you know, there's a there's there's a rainbow at the end of the storm.
SPEAKER_03So give us give us give us a happy memory. What was one of your most happiest memories in life?
SPEAKER_00I have so many. I live my life, you know.
SPEAKER_03It was one. What's what's a happy tell us?
SPEAKER_00Well, I guess what I guess our wedding then. So um nine years ago, and my wedding was this is crazy. My wedding was a vision that I had when I was at mental hospital in Florida. Um, my wedding, the the location where it was, the family, everything. That was a vision that I had. And why my wedding was a happy moment is because there was like 200 people, just you know, even the wedding planner came to me the next day, and she was like, God was in that room. It was so much love in that room. Like, we just lived life. And like when Fred was given his vows and he had everybody crying, um, I just saw the goodness in God. Like, you know, it just the goodness in God, not even to just to celebrate with people that you considered that you love them, just to celebrate in the moment that you know when two become one, God is in the midst and no man can put asunder. So I would say our wedding.
SPEAKER_03Okay, um, you know what? I just see what time it is. Kathy, we got 10 minutes left. I guess guess what time it is.
SPEAKER_00You mix up a you ain't here for me.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so Kathy. Well, you mix up a you weren't here for me. It's a portion of the show right now where we're gonna just talk about some relevant um topics that are going around in news and society and stuff.
SPEAKER_00So the first thing that I want to talk about, Kathy, look how hard up he is to talk about this. No, no, no, no, I won't get your opinion on it.
SPEAKER_03Okay, I wanna know there's the lady in Freebort that was on sadness the other day, and she was looking for somewhere to stay, she has five kids. Before I give my opinion, because I got some strong opinions on this. What what's your take on that? Like what you might you the government should help a long time? Like, what's your take?
SPEAKER_00So I feel like the government, the government wasn't there lame with you when you made those children, and I have very strong opinions on this too, because when women label themselves as single moms, I want to whop them. Because let me tell you something, my mommy had four children, and she never she was a single mom, but she never labeled herself as single, she was a mom, you know, and I had more than people with two parent families had. You ain't do it one time, you did it uno dos, três. I don't even know all them Spanish words, but but you have yes, you like come on, like what if God gave you? If God gave you those children, he gave you the diligence and the strength to raise them.
SPEAKER_03Amen. Amen. Amen. And I and I kind of feel the same way, you know. I I I have pity, or I I do feel sorry for people. I understand that people go through life struggles, and sometimes you go through bad times, sometimes you know, you might have lost your job, or so just like life hits you over the head. You know, you're going through you're going through a season of learning, of uh building strength, inner strength, or whatever. And but then there's sometimes where your circumstance is a consequence of your choices. The circumstances that you find yourself in are the consequences of your choices, and a lot of people do not want to deal with their consequences, do not want to deal with consequences, and everything in life is about consequences. Shit, I live that every day because you know I got divorced. So I have to learn to deal with that.
SPEAKER_00So but here's the thing, she has five kids. So I don't even know the story. I don't know if they all have the same daddy, I doubt it. But where are the men?
SPEAKER_03Well, again, I don't know where the men are at, and uh I I can't I can't ask it. I mean, there's there's a lot of things I could say, I could say these you have some bullshit daddies out there. Yes, you do have some bullshit daddies out there, but then you do have some good fathers out there, and then I have seen instances where women have run away the father, and someone could say, No, a man can never be run away from his children, he'll do what he has to do. But I know some I've heard of some stories and I know some things, but no, literally, the woman like ran away the man, like she literally, but I don't want to say that's the case here. Sometimes a lot of us men are running away too from our responsibilities. There's the guy you said, she was not the only person that laid down in that bed. It was some men or a man that was there, and he needs to take care of his responsibility as well.
SPEAKER_00And when she making when she making stoom steam tuning, grits and egg for them five children, all them got to share the one part. He probably eating chicken a bag and con dinner with a new gal.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. You know, the one who we living with is the one who's got all the all the loving. I mean, that's that's just just the way, and he probably taking care of her children, and he now that's the sickening part.
SPEAKER_00And the woman who with if you're with a man and you're okay with him not taking care of his children, you just as sick. And guess what? Today for you, today for me, tomorrow for you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, for real, for real.
SPEAKER_00Next topic, and this is what I want to talk about in Miami. Chef Creole, which is a a common restaurant, chef creole going on the news now saying, Oh, Americans don't want to work, and because the TPS and he lose all his workers and rada da. And I won't talk about him because guess what? You couldn't, you didn't have to lose all your workers, and you could give your opinion. You didn't have to lose all your workers because if you were paying people a fair wage, so what you do is you built you built your your wealth off of the back of illegal immigrants, and you give them one little $500 a week, and you got them being the managers of your store, and you making all this money, and you mad because you have to give somebody now a fair wage, health insurance, maybe 401k, and then he'll be like, Oh, he gave back to the community, and he also stole from them, too.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think it's a catch-2 situation now. Sometimes, you know, obviously the cut the the the the name of the business tells me a lot about the business, you know. It's it's the name of Chef Creole, so I'm assuming he's Haitian, and I'm assuming Haitian parents born in he's born in the Bahamas, but from Haitian parents. Okay, and I'm assuming, you know, having that background, I'm assuming sometimes he does want to help those that maybe are do want to work but can't work legally. So sometimes he's trying when he says he's giving back, maybe that's his frame of mind to say this is how I'm giving back to somebody, and maybe my mom was in this situation when she first came to America. So she was never illegal, but I I'm just I know the dynamic, I just trying to say, and so sometimes it's a catch-22. I'm just talking, not talking about his situation and and specifically, but I'm also talking, and then sometimes you know, a lot of people, maybe a business owner like himself, doesn't feel like to hire someone and go the legal route, it's very it's difficult, or they feel like it's a lot of red tape, or they feel like it's above them, or when I say above them, like they're not, they like that's what the that's what the rich people is do.
SPEAKER_00And then but but let us talk about it even in the Bahamas, because me and you were chopping this up the other day. Look at look at simple things as lawn care, as lawn care. Back home, back home. If you want your grass cut today, it's a hundred dollars, 125 dollars. And I was like, but I in Texas, I pay $35 for my yard to get cut. And you tell me, but if you had $35, you can't get your yard cut in the bombers, but you also said bohemians don't want to work, behaviors don't want to cut no grass.
SPEAKER_03That did not behaviors don't even cut no grass, behaviors ain't even do nothing. Like, and I talk about men and women, they're like, everybody ain't gonna work, nobody won't work, everybody wants a job, they want the paycheck, but they don't actually want to work. And if I can give you an ins, I gave you an example of that. It was right before the election, I was talking to this business owner, and she said that when she first opened up, opened her business, that she had bohemians. This is a beauty supply store. So when she first opened up, she had her business open, and she had she's a staunch behavior. She don't believe she does didn't believe in hiring illegals, and in fact, she didn't want to anyway. I'm gonna talk about a political thing, but she was saying that she had a business and she only had bohemians, females working for us. She said, but anytime a concert would come up, they would not show up to work the next day. Anytime she said she could guarantee you every Monday morning, at least two of her employees were gonna call and sick. She said, every Monday, it's religiously, every Monday, two persons calling and sick. And she said she started to hire hiring foreigners. And she said, since that, she wants to deal with no sickness. She said it does happen, but it's a surprise. She said, You want to deal with people who want to party more than they want to work. So you know, us as behemoth, we don't want to work, we want the government to take care of us. We believe that the government should put programs and stuff in place, and this is not every behemoth, but I'm saying there are a set of people. It's a lot, there are a set of people. Well, you know, we're suffering from the drugs coming in the Bahamas back in the day where everyone thinks that this money is just gonna drop out the sky. Like nobody, everybody wants this money, but nobody has a plan to go get the money or how to not how to make the money. We have to figure out how to earn the money. We gotta change that word for making because the only place is to make money is the men. But you have to figure out a way to earn money, and us as some of us do not want to learn how to earn money.
SPEAKER_00Um, but last but not least, let's get into that last topic: Trump's 15 tariff on the Bahamas.
SPEAKER_03Well, my orange guy, um y'all pissed my boy off. Y'all, you're gonna bring the Chinese in the Bahamas. Yo, I know what he do it for. I see no reason little Bahamas with 15, like that. So we don't bring in one percent. We don't bring in one percent of one percent of one percent of one percent that what America, what America um brings into uh imports. So I don't know why he wants to hurt us.
SPEAKER_00I think it's because he doesn't like us being friends with with remember he asked us to take the the the illegals, the people he was deporting. He asked little Bahamas, little Bahamas to take illegals, and we said no. So because the Bahamas is stand firm and tell him no, he said, Okay, well, let me lick you with this. But guess what? We are a resilient people, and we will survive.
SPEAKER_03Not only will we survive, it will be uh flourish because this is a time for us to flourish. Okay, you might not want us there, or you might not like us, orange guy, but you know somebody else like us. I see food that other exports can look for other markets to go to, and guess what? We can get more money over there, and one day you can come crying back. Would you please send us seafood over here? We'd be like, No, bro, no, bro.
SPEAKER_00So, as we leave you guys today, we encourage you to work on your mental health, we encourage you to seek counseling as a family, as an individual. We encourage you to have family discussions about the things that bother you and to grow from it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and most importantly, we encourage you to learn yourself and learn to love yourself for who you are. It's not what you have, it's who you are on the inside. So, this is counsel it.
SPEAKER_00You mix up another episode. We'll see you tomorrow. We'll see you tomorrow. We'll see you next week, Saturday, with another hot topic. You guys be blessed.
SPEAKER_02Be loved.