Becoming A Mother In Business

In this episode of Go Find Less, I'm getting real about what it's actually like to build a business while raising a family. I'm sharing my journey through motherhood, the pressure of being a high-performing hairstylist, three pregnancies, postpartum seasons, burnout, and learning how to set boundaries with work.

We'll talk about taking the scary leap into entrepreneurship, putting my family first, and why I believe our kids should see us chase our dreams— even when it's messy, uncomfortable, and not guaranteed to work out.

If you're a mom, an entrepreneur, or a woman trying to figure out how to give your all without losing yourself in the process, this one is for you.

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Welcome to GFL. I'm Carmen, a hairstylist, turned multi-business owner, entrepreneur, mentor, and girl mom. This is where we talk about building your dream career, becoming the best version of yourself, and figuring out how to do it all without losing yourself in the process. I want you to dream big and remember if someone says that you're too much, they can go find less. What's up, you guys? Welcome to episode two of Go Find Less. In this episode today, we are talking about the challenges that I have dealt with personally with being a mother in the business industry and in the beauty industry in general. I can't wait to share all of my breakthroughs with you guys, my challenges, my highs and lows, all of running a business while also growing my family. My husband and I are very blessed with three daughters. So we're all girls in our household, and it is honestly absolutely insane sometimes. But our oldest daughter is about five and a half. She just started kindergarten, so that's been a whole different ballgame. And then our middle daughter is three, and our youngest just turned one. So we are very, very busy. But honestly, we wouldn't change it for the world. People ask us if we're done having kids or not. And I think most days we say no, but you never know. And honestly, we both love having girls. They, of course, have their own challenges, right? The hair pulling, the screaming, the fighting. But most of the time they do get along pretty well. And it's very exciting to see their relationship form and grow, especially because we both come from having sisters. We understand the sister relationship, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't exhausting, right? So when I first had our first daughter, I was 22. We had just gotten married, and it was right after COVID. So obviously the world was absolutely insane. The hospitals didn't allow Dylan to come to most of the appointments except for the big ones, right? So he was there for the sonograms, thankfully. But for the most part, the rest of it really was just me going to the hospital. You know, you're wearing your mask, you're in there with all these people, and you're like, wow, I really hope I don't get COVID from going in here. And then when it came time to her delivery, only my husband, Dylan, was allowed to be in there. No one else could come and see. So it was a really weird way to jump into parenthood right away, right? You talk about having a village and people being there to support you, and COVID kind of ruined it, right? Where you were throwing in and they're like, well, this is what happens, so you have to deal with this. So that was with our first daughter. Um, at the time, I was just a commissioned hairstylist at a salon. And becoming a mother really put a lot of strain on my work relationship, right? Because you go from, okay, I can sleep when I get home, I can relax, I can recover and do what I need to do to now I have a newborn baby to, you know, take care of and keep alive. They don't sleep very well. Um, our first was a very, very tricky baby and just in general did not settle down very easy. So I feel like that really has a big effect on your nervous system when you're constantly trying to calm down something that is just screaming their head off. It doesn't, it doesn't do you good, you know? And so um at the time, my husband was also working on an opposite schedule as me at a factory. So we basically both just switched on and off who was the parent. So you go from not having any kids, pretty young, you know, having your first kid, no one around you has children, you're still recovering from COVID. Um, and it's just very isolating. So we were basically switching on and off who was the parent. We didn't send her to daycare for the first six months of her life just because it's so expensive. We had to figure out how to do that, right? And so it put a massive strain on our relationship because we basically were only living through the difficult stuff. So that happened for probably like six to eight months. I don't remember exactly when we put her into day-to-daycare, but it became a huge strain on my work life and just being able to manage the expectations of myself in the salon. Uh, the salon that I was at was pretty forgiving with certain things for the most part, but it was still the expectation of I'm not performing at my highest potential. And I feel a lot of pressure coming down on me. So my husband ended up getting a different job, and that helped tremendously. We ended up putting my daughter in daycare. Um, and so that kind of helped it all to start getting better, right? And things start to get normal. And then what happens, right? Oh, you get pregnant again. So, of course, a blessing. We knew we wanted multiple kids and we wanted them pretty close in age, but as a postpartum mother, right? At that two-year-ish mark, you're like, oh, I'm starting to feel normal. And then, of course, you get pregnant again. So, my age gap between my first two is two and a half years. So I was only I want to say like Julia, my oldest was a year and a half when we would have gotten pregnant, right? For that two and a half year gap, you're pregnant for nine months. So we're kind of getting into a transition of, okay, we got this, and then bam, you're pregnant again. You're exhausted. You're now exhausted with a kid, basically a one-year-old. And you know, that strain just comes right back. So my work stress I had felt in the past all of a sudden was amplified, right? I'm exhausted, I'm nauseous, I'm pregnant, and I have a toddler at home who's still like a crazy toddler. And so that again starts putting that strain on that relationship that I had with work. So I was a pretty high-performing stylist. I was training people, I loved it. You know, I talk about that in past episodes that I do truly love training and everything. But when you have so much pressure and stress coming from other sources, it makes it hard to focus on work, right? And that's why so many moms struggle with that work-life balance because you really are juggling two completely different lives. And you're expected to show up and give 110% on both sides when you are exhausted. And then don't forget about your friends, don't forget about your husband, don't forget about doing your own laundry. And it becomes a lot, right? And so I started struggling with this when I was pregnant with my second daughter. Um, just on is it me or is it my environment? I am so stressed all the time. Like it's probably just me. I started feeling cracks in the business that I was working at. And it gets to a point where you just can't fix it yourself. And so I kind of told myself, I was like, okay, let's get through this pregnancy, my maternity leave, let's see how everything feels when I'm not pregnant and exhausted. So, you know, we have her, her delivery was crazy. I plan on doing birth stories later down the road because I think they're kind of funny. If you guys want to listen to it, you can. If you don't want to, that's fine. Um, but super chaotic delivery. Thankfully, my second was a very easy baby. And it kind of was like a, oh my gosh, it's possible to have an easy baby. And so really, you know, that went on for about a year of like, okay, we're exhausted. We have two kids, they're in daycare, we're both able to work, you know, we're still working a lot. And I started realizing that this isn't the way I can live my life if I want to put my children and my family in general first. You know, it's really hard to work um like nine-hour days, four to five days a week, come home and I'm still working on my phone. You know, I'm doing education, I'm talking to the proteges that we had. I'm doing so much while in someone's business that can only give me so much leadway, right? We had a big staff. I could only ask for so many exceptions, you know? And being a leader in the salon, I don't feel like it was fair for me to constantly ask for things to change for myself when I knew we had to be so strict because of the guidelines that we were given. It wouldn't be fair for me to be like, well, sorry, I can only work this much. Oh, sorry, I can only do this because I have two kids at home now. So then became the deciding factor of leaving the salon. And then I was able to become an independent business owner, which was nice because now I can change my own schedule. Um, when something's too much, I can adjust for that. And so I was working as an independent artist for a few months and then we got pregnant with our third. And so, you know, that's like a whole nother ballpark of okay, like I am the only person who is going to help me pay my bills. What am I gonna do? Right. So then it's like intensely saving, making sure that I have enough money to pay for things while I'm on maternity leave. And that also is a huge stress, right? When a lot of people are working in, you know, quote unquote corporate world, you get maternity leave, or if you don't, at least you have usually some sort of vacation. But when you run your own business, you truly have to prepare for all that yourself. However, in the commission world, it is kind of the same. Since I was management, I received some compensation for my second pregnancy, but the first one I didn't. So it wasn't really much different from, you know, you have to save your money, take off as little time as possible, and then jump right back in. So my third pregnancy, I was like, you know what, I need to ease into this. So I still took about the same amount of time off. I think I took like eight weeks maybe with my third, my second one. I actually only took about five weeks off. And I think that was part of the strain of going back to work. You know, there's kind of resentment of like, oh my gosh, I have this like barely six-week-old baby and I'm I'm leaving her and I'm going back to work. And, you know, that I think was kind of the mistake I made going right back into work so soon and feeling all of that pressure. That was something that I should have set better boundaries with. But I was so worried about the expectation that was um set, right, of being a high performing stylist, of being a leader in the salon that no, like I need to get back, I need to do my clients, like I have to make money because commission, even right, if you're not, if you're not working, you're not making money either. So it's just a lot to jug juggle as a mother and working and like having to be able to pay your bills and pay for the daycare that you're sending your kids to and everything. And so I tried to do better on my third since I was owning my own business, right? Um, I came back a little bit slower as well. So that helped. I wasn't like, you know, completely 40 hours a week working again. I eased into it and I do think that that helped tremendously because the craziest thing, right, is having one kid versus having three kids. I don't know if it's the third kid effect, but I do truly feel better mentally having more children than I did at that first. But again, right, my first, it was COVID. My husband had a different shift than me. Um, it was the transition from zero to one that like truly completely flips your head or it flips your world upside down. And it makes you look at things so much more differently. So I don't know if it's that I'm used to being a mother now. You know, my husband and I have a good system, we have it worked out. You don't question yourself as much. But somehow I am less stressed now with three children than I was with one. Will I say my house is messier? Yes. Is there more laundry than I could even imagine? Absolutely. And, you know, there's always a mess at my house, but mentally I do feel better. And I know that's crazy. But when people talk about the hardest shift of becoming like a parent, like is it going from zero to one? Is it going from one to two? Is it going from two to three? Nothing will top the zero to one. And I think, you know, having the village around you that supports you, I think that makes such a big difference because we're not meant to do it alone, right? Like huge shout out to single moms, huge shout out to people who their husbands travel all the time. My husband just recently started to travel and it is a lot, you know. But at the end of the day, you still have to prioritize your family and your home life over your business. So even though now I own multiple businesses and I am very busy with work, I truly feel less hours taken from my family now working for myself than I did working at a commission salon as a manager, which is like absolutely insane. My husband and I had talked about it too about okay, like let's let's track my hours of like how much I have worked. Because obviously I still take work home sometimes. Um I shouldn't, you know, I'm working on being better for that. I've cut down my behind the chair schedule so I have more admin days, which has helped tremendously. Whereas before I was working four days in salon for nine hours and then, you know, I didn't have good boundaries. I would come home, I would work more off the clock. Um, not that it was, you know, clock in, but still when your salary, right, it's different, right? Of like, okay, well, this is expected of me. I don't care that it's 10 p.m. at night and my family's asleep. Like I have to get this done. So now as an independent, you know, business owner, entrepreneur, everything, I can plan my day around, okay, no, I want to be done at this time. So that's been something that has been a huge strain, right? Of like having that better boundary of I can't just be working all the time. And I'd be lying if I said that I was perfect and don't work a lot, you know, but truly working for yourself at least has the benefit of the only person you can blame is you, right? There's no one else who can hold you accountable except for yourself because at the end of the day, you're the one that chose this. And it's not easy, but it's also not easy working for someone else and their, you know, their dream and their vision and what they want you to do versus what you truly sit with with yourself and what you aim to be as an independent person, especially someone with children and someone who has kids looking up to them, you know. With my old workplace, I started thinking about what would I say to my daughters if they were in this position? You know, would I tell them it was time to move on, or would I tell them to stick it out and see if things get better? And I think it was that ultimate feeling as a mom of like, if this isn't good enough for my kids, why is it good enough for me to be their mother and then see their mom go through that? So that was part of the biggest push for me is to be able to be brave, take the chance on myself, even when it was scary, right? When I had left the salon, I did not have a job lined up. I did not have anything planned. I literally found somewhere to work within the next few days. Because again, you don't work, you don't get paid. And I hope one day they can look up to that decision that I made for our family and be proud and be inspired that my mom was brave enough to, as cheesy as it is, right? Like my mom was brave enough to chase her dreams. I'm gonna be brave enough to chase mine, even if it's scary, even if I fail, because they'll have seen that, you know, they will have seen a mom who was brave, who did chase their dreams. And ultimately, as a parent, that's all you could want for your kids, is that they will always do that, you know? And so once I made that decision to move past it, then it was like, all right, what is the next step? But the next step with my family in the forefront. So that is the next goal in this season of life is to maintain the level of intensity that I have with work while not sacrificing the time I have with my family. They deserve the best part of me, you know. And why would I trade one unhealthy relationship with work to a different unhealthy relationship with work, right? So we are in a season of grind, right? As an entrepreneur, you're always going to have seasons of more of a hustle. So that way you get those seasons of relaxing, of an easier, you know, autopilot of your business. So right now we are in the go, go, go, but I'm still putting them at the forefront because that is what they deserve. And, you know, one day they'll be in middle school and high school, and hopefully I have an even more flexible schedule, or they can come work for me, or they can work for whatever they want to do because I paved that opportunity for them, especially as women in business. I think that has been the most eye-opening thing for me as I have transitioned into another realm of business. The beauty industry, right, is so women-female dominated. You don't see very many men, whether it be stylists or salon owners that are in the industry that aren't women. And so transitioning out of it and branching into something completely new is really exciting. But you do also see that ugly side of being a woman in business. Whereas before in the beauty industry, right, you go to management and owner seminars and you don't see that many men. And so you don't have that sensation of, oh, I'm a woman, why am I doing this? Whereas now that I'm in a other business, you hear things from men of, oh, your husband, your husband's just fine letting you do all of that. And it's really disappointing that come on, it's 2026. Like, aren't we past the oh, women, women can't do that stage. But unfortunately, we really aren't. And really, it's crazy when someone is like, Oh, did you not ask your husband for permission first? And it's it's sad because you shouldn't need to have a man's permission to do things. Obviously, being married, you need to have that understanding of like, okay, this is our financials, this is our risk, this is our house, this is our kids. But for a stranger who is a man to assume, oh, did you get permission for your husband first? It's just wild because had it been a man opening a business, right? No one questions you on that. And that's part of my big reasoning on making so much of my brand women forward and female first, because that narrative really does need to change. Women are allowed to do things in business, and that should come without the given of I'm only doing this because a man is letting me. My husband is phenomenal, you know. I wouldn't necessarily say we go feminist, feminist, feminist, but he believes in me and he doesn't care that like I'm the one pushing for this for us to both have a business. He supports me 110%, you know, he puts in some work too and is always there to motivate me. And I couldn't do it without him. But you need to be able to be brave as a woman to do that. And I do feel like not all husbands are supportive, and it's terrifying, you know, and it is not easy, and it's not easy for anyone owning a business, right? Um, not easy for fathers by any means necessary. But to be able to say that you are a mother, you have a whole different realm of things to do at any given hour, right? The thoughts are constantly on in your head. Like it's it's pretty cool and pretty badass to say, like, hey, I'm giving my all 100% 110% on both sides. And if I fail some days, and that's okay because you know, you just keep going. So if you are a business owner and this relates to you, I would love to hear from you. You can always leave reviews on the podcast or send me a message directly on my Instagram created by Carmen H. I would love to hear from you. If you're a mother and business owner, I would love to be able to have you on the podcast. So definitely reach out to me. If you're looking into female forward events here at the studio in Fisher, definitely look at the Instagram that I have, Illuminate Studios Fisher, and then you can see our monthly to bi-monthly events that we offer. You can bring your friends with, you can come by yourself and meet new people. But it's truly a great time to be able to create and build community, which is what us women do best. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. And I can't wait till next week. If you have time to leave your review so that way other people can find this podcast and learn how to stop playing small in their life, I would so appreciate that. Until next time.