SPEAKER_01 0:00

Good afternoon everyone. Um, this is She Speaks with Saiyan. I am your host, Saiyan. Um, I just wanted to get give you a little bit on statistics for domestic violence, as I will have um guests come on and explain or tell you their story because we intend to get our stories out. We will not be silenced any longer. If our story can reach just one person that share a similar story with us and has the courage, the willpower, and the strength to leave, then we are doing our job. But our job is not finished just with them leaving. We need help in getting resources for many ladies that don't have family or that has been alienated against their family because of the offender, whether that is an ex-partner or ex-spouse, they need resources, and sometimes it's just those people that are some single parents, and that has to be in told, you know, you don't have to work, I take care of you. Well, being in those situations and being dependent upon your spouse for many years, not saying it's a bad thing, but in the event that you are in a relationship with someone that has displayed uh violence upon you, um, or even showed that they may not be physically violent, but they can be very verbal and tear you down, and they start those like sometimes after the day you're married to them, or sometimes during the course of the relationship where you feel like you need this person to be able to sustain your life, you know, because they have made you very dependent upon them, and that's where a lot of people, a lot of women, find themselves in. Like, if I leave, how do I take care of myself? And if there's kids involved, how do I take care of my kids? Will he try to take my children? And children are often used as weapons to manipulate another parent, they weaponize the children by either threatening to take them away or by having the kids participate in the verbal assault, and it's because they're just doing what that parent told them to do so that they don't feel the violence of that parent. But it happens a lot, and it happens more than people think it does. And using children as pawns, you should be a shame of yourself, but some of you have no shame, it doesn't matter as long as you can control the situation, you can be the manipulator, you are a narcissist if you're using children to do your bidding. You're a narcissist anyway, but you're a different kind when you're using children to verbally assault their mother or their father. And based upon some of the statistics, there are men that get assaulted or um experience domestic violence as well as women do. So I'm just gonna give you a few statistics. Um, so you know, have you? I call it food for thought. So general domestic violence statistics, an average of 2024 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States. That's more than 12 million women and men over the course of one year, one year, 12 million in a year.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

Nearly three in ten women, that's about 29 percent, and one in ten men, about ten percent, in the U.S.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

have experienced rape, physical violence, and or stalking by a partner, and reported it having a related impact on their functioning. Meaning they told, they said something, they spoke up, and that person, that assailants assaulted them more for opening their mouth. So a lot of times they're beaten to keep them from killing someone, to keep them from reporting it to the proper authorities. How it's crazy, it's crazy how they can still get away with stuff like that. Just under 15% of women and four percent of men in the US have been injured as a result of intimate partner violence that includes rape, physical violence, and or stopping by intimate partner. One in four men, no, one in seven men and one in four women aged 18 and older in the U.S. have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner or in their lifetime. Severe some severe can be as bad as being having to be hospitalized for having sustained sustained multiple injuries from that partner or from that person that claimed to have loved you. And all too often that person that person that's laying in that hospital bed is too ashamed to say that my husband or my wife did this to me. And let me be clear, domestic violence occurs not only in heterosexual relationships, it has it happens in homosexual relationships, whether it was man or man, woman versus woman, it happens. So there's no such thing as oh, it's just heterosexual uh men and women that that go through this type of violence, because that would be a story, and we're not telling lies over here. So, and I want to make sure that I emphasize clearly that what I'm saying it comes from the statistics that have that I pulled up and right now, just you know, letting you all know. Okay, um almost half of women in men in the US have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime, psychological aggression. A lot of times how they use the how they control you is they take away something that you want or something that you need, well, that is taking away money, and you have no way to purchase the necessities that you need for everyday life. I'm not talking about luxury, I'm talking about the ability to eat, the ability to try to call for help, to get someone, you know, to help you out. And also they tell you that your pay your sister, your brother, your cousin, your best friend, they don't care about you. They turn that person against you or make you turn against that person as a form of control, that psychological behavior, it works a lot of times because you're unable to get the truth because you have been scared shitless, to be honest, you're scared as hell. Women's ages of 18 to 24 and 25 to 35 generally experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence. So basically, what I see is that the older we get, the more it's gonna happen, the more it happens. And why should that be happening? And a lot of times it's because you know, some people have been trained that marriage is forever, and I love marriage, and I am in my second marriage, and I love my husband beyond anything. And anybody that knows you that knows me will tell you when it comes to my husband, oh, there is no no no talking bad about him because I'm not tolerating that. But we have women that are in relationships and have been married because they've been told that marriage is forever, they continue to see experience that violence, and it happens a lot in a lot of the communities, um, whether it's you're black, white, Indian, Haitian, um, Jewish, Muslim.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

It happens in all communities, not just one.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

It affects every religious background, not just one, but it's just too often we don't hear about it until it's too late. That person has been annihilated, removed, is no longer with us on this earth. And people that sit around and watch this and have nothing to say, like, oh, I'm just staying out of it, you can stay out of it, but maybe please dial 911 for me and tell them that I'm getting beat. Or you you can a lot of phones have speakers now. You can get as close as you can, or you can turn your volume up and record it.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Record it. You ain't got to talk to the phone.

SPEAKER_01 12:11

Just send an email, send it through an email or text message. You can do a lot nowadays that we couldn't do 30 years ago or 20 years ago because cell phones were not as advanced as they are today. So getting a video of somebody being beat, please send that in. Stop being silent. Because if it's somebody that you know and you was like you were told just stay out of it, when that person is no longer here, then all you hear is wulda, coulda, shoulda. I should have told somebody, I could have helped her.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

But you didn't. You didn't hear, you didn't help.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

You stayed out of it because you didn't want to be in the middle of it. Having seen someone to be beat, I find that you're just as complacent as that person that's doing it.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

Because if it was you, you want somebody to help you. It don't make any sense to me.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

And the things you should be telling, you're not telling. But the things that mess, being messy, that's something that y'all like to run in, that many like to run and tell just to keep something going. But you won't do anything to help somebody. That there, that mentality pisses me off from 1994 to 2010. Approximately four and five victims of intimate partner violence were women. Yeah, has always been. So basically, that's just only telling me that the older you get and you're in you're still in a relationship with that person, the violence just increases. It doesn't stop. Because at this point, they are using violence to control you. If I beat her enough, she won't keep them, she'll keep her mouth closed.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

It's not right. It's not right at all. You can't control nobody.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

So you use violence to control them, to get what you want, to maintain their silence. That's fucked up. You're a coward, and you heard it from me first, you're a coward. Put your hands on a woman, especially most men are stronger than women, but I tell you what, the moment that a woman tries to defend herself against such um people, violent men, guess what happens to them? They going to jail. Why you didn't take him to jail when he was knocking my head between the washer and the dryer? Where were you then? Oh, I forget. You couldn't do nothing unless he actually did something to me. Baby, sometimes they beat us in places that you you you you can't see. And these women are intimidated by these men.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

Or sometimes these men are intimidated by women. What I do know is this has to stop.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

The more we can expose these perpetrators, these offenders, these cowards, the better. Because all you can do, if all you can do is sit and be on your wife and your children, but you won't touch another man, what you think that makes you C O W A R D coward. Sexual violence statistics. Nearly one in five women and one in seven men have been raped in their lifetime. I can believe that because I have been there by my intimate partner, Shrahab. Yes, that has that happened to me, and I was told, well, it's not really sexual, or so because we were in a relationship. But I took away my keys from that person, they had a copy. I was asleep in my bed because I had worked the night before. Went to a worked a 12-hour shift. I was home resting in my bed. And I was about, and I was halfway asleep because I had to go to class that evening. And from class I had to go and do another 12-hour shift, but nobody believed me.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

The police downplayed it. So when I hear people say they was victimized again, that's how you victimize a person again.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

When you accuse them of lying, when the police downplay it, when their family and friends, oh, he wouldn't do that. How the fuck would you know if he'll do it? If he beat on me and hit on me, and I wasn't the first person that he hit on. If he did it to me, he done did it to somebody else, and he'll do it again. But yeah, oh no, he wouldn't do that. Don't, don't, don't get in my damn podcast text and talking about something. You know, you lying. No the hell I wasn't. I didn't lie. Y'all chose to believe what you wanted to believe, and like a fool, not knowing better, after being separated from that person for maybe two, three months, I went back like a dumbass.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

I went back, and then when I decided that I was truly done and had had enough, I left for good. I moved. That didn't stop him from showing up at my house and being at my door at all.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

I got tired of that shit too. Why show up at my house when I already didn't leave you? I don't want to have anything else to do with you, and yet you show up. I moved out, left you in the house that we was rent together, and I got an apartment for me and my children, and yet here you are. I hate gnats.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

No, yeah, here you are at my door.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Or standing over me because one of my family members and let you in. So guess what? That family member ended up gone because you're not gonna let somebody in my house, and I'm told you don't let them in. I don't need your surprises of flowers and cords, I don't need none of that. I can buy myself flowers.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Just call me my desires. But that's how you victimize a person. That's how you make them feel less.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Neither one in ten women in the U.S. have been raped by an intimate partner in their lifetime. We just went over that. 81% of women who experienced rape, stalking, or physical violence from the intimate partner reported significant impact short-term or long term, like injuries or symptoms of PTSD.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Guess what I have? PTSD. Yep. And you don't get over stuff like this.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

You learn to heal, but you don't get over it because that that. Trauma has been embedded in you. It keeps you fearful of the next person that comes around you or tries to get in a relationship with you. That fear doesn't go anywhere. That trauma doesn't go anywhere. The only thing that you can do is make sure that you are able to try to take get in therapy. Therapy works. If you can't afford therapy, there are there are some that's you know around where you can get some help and see someone. There's support groups. And usually a lot of the support groups have somebody that's trained in psycholog that's in psychology that um helps take on the take on people that's been through some type of physical violence, uh, or domestic violence, because domestic violence can be anything physical, financial, um, sexual. It has many colors. Domestic violence doesn't care which one it does. And when it says short term or long term, that can be also physical. There's some people that have been left um paralyzed due to domestic violence because their intimate partner has either stabbed them or shot them. And that person manages to survive. Sometimes the pain can be so bad that not even medication can help it.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Because that person tried to take you out.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

Depending on what state you live in, and seeing that they are trying to take more women's rights, doesn't look like it, you know, it does much good to report. But you should. You should report, let somebody else know, a friend, someone that you trust, not somebody that y'all have that that's a mutual friend to the both of you. No, get somebody that you trust. Anytime there are bruises left on you, take pictures of them, get photographs, keep a journal, keep all your evidence hidden. Because I'm quite sure there is somebody in your your circle, excuse me, that is willing to be there for you to help you escape, to help you um plead your case, to help you be able to let somebody know. Because too many times and too many lifetime movies, based on true stories, the woman gets time for taking the abuser out, and she gets life in prison. But he can beat her to a bloody poke, and he gets what 10 days, maybe 30. That's attempted murder to me. But hey, I don't write the laws. Again, men get assaulted just as much as uh women do. And to me, the the men that gets assaulted are the men that saw their mother go growing up being beat, assaulted.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

And they've they've been trained not to hit a woman.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

And some women that abuse see the violence that you know it comes from violence that happened to them, and what they're refusing to do is they're refusing to let that man abuse them, so they abuse him. You know, it's kind of crazy, but yeah, men get abused as well, but not nearly as much as women have, and um, men too are afraid to um report that they have been a victim of domestic violence because of that man mentality, that masculinity, that if he tells that makes him less of a man, then he's the bud of jokes from his friends, family. Oh, you know, it's you you letting a woman beat on you because that man was taught not to hit women. That doesn't make you weak, sir. That makes you just as much a gentleman, but it just says you married or got involved with the wrong person, and I hate that for you more than half 51.1 percent of women victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner, 40.8 percent reported being raped by an acquaintance. Be careful who you call friend, and if your friend ever puts his hands on you in a negative way or in a sexual way, and it is not reciprocated, and you are not interested, they will find they will attack you, some will attack you at your most vulnerable state, especially especially if there is alcohol or drugs in the mix of it. And they look at it like is their shot to uh see where it goes. Then say no, it means no. It doesn't mean oh I'ma get a drunk and then we're gonna do something. No, sir, that is called rape.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

Rape you can't do that to people.

SPEAKER_01 29:39

Estimated suggests 13% of women, six percent of men will experience sexual coercion, which is unwanted sexual penetration after being pressured in a non-physical way. In their lifetime, 27.2 percent of women and 11.7 percent of men experience unwanted sexual contact. That is true. I honestly believe it, and I've seen it. Um, that come out, it's you know, just let me do it one time. Let's just try to see how it goes. Or man, you ain't being cool right now. Like I said, then it adds in if you've been drinking and you know, never know what kind of drug somebody else is on, and I'm not accusing anybody of being on drugs, but you know, it's whatever that they take that have them feeling great, well, or make them feel the the courage to want to attack you or coerce you, and you know, you can still say no, and if that person chooses not to be around you, adios amigos, bueno, bye, Felicia, nobody have to you you don't have to stay around.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

We don't need you to stay around.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

Now we're gonna go into the part that really you know it hurts my heart when women um are violated, but when there are children present, that's a different type of um experience. Cause not only is that person hurting that man or woman, but those children are being hurt in the midst of it all. Because one, they're witnessing that, and if you think these children don't hear you, you are sadly mistaken. Those kids can hear and see, and they just they want to pretend that it doesn't happen because that's their way of escaping that tragedy, that that trauma. Children witness violence in nearly one in four, which is 22%, intimate partner violence cases filed in state court. 30 to 60 percent of intimate partner violence perpetrators also abuse children in the household.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

So while he being known her, he being known in a lot of times nobody stands in and says anything.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

But teachers, you're automatic a you're automatically a mandated reporter.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

Nurses, you are a mandated reporter. If a child is coming to school and has bruises, ask questions.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

I don't want to hear boys will be boys or kids fall and kids do this. Yes, kids fall. Yes, boys. I I never had I never liked this that whole word, boys will be boys. That's an excuse for them to have bad behavior. And a lot of the time that the those people that holler boys will be boys are trying to defend their sons right now for murdering their partner or beating their partner physically.

SPEAKER_00 33:43

So stop with the boys will be boys mentality. Those children feel that's that abuse just as much as their mother or father.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

Forty percent of children, 40% of child abuse victims also report experiencing domestic violence.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

They must be there as children.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

That's how some of the boys grow up and to become learn how to control their partner is by using their hands and their fists. Sometimes those girls, when they are beat little by their fathers, they continue to grow up and think that domination or control or love is being hit upon or being beat. That is not love at all. That is not how a person should feel as a child growing up. You're supposed to feel safe, secure, and not to feel scared or cowered down in under the bed or in a closet or hide under the sheets. One study found that children exposed to violence in the home were 15 times more likely to be physically and or sexually assaulted than the normal, then the national average. According to the U.S. Adversary Board of Child Abuse and Neglect, domestic violence may be the single major percussion to facilitate from child abuse and neglect in the United States.

SPEAKER_00 36:03

Just back to what I was just saying.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

Children having to experience this type of stuff grow up to be either be perpetrators or victims. Save your children.

SPEAKER_00 36:20

If you have to leave with nothing, save yourself and your children.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

Put away a little time so that you're able, when you're able to escape, if the only thing you can do when you escape is to find you a you and your kids a place to stay, baby, that's enough. That's enough right there. Cause it takes time to rebuild your life, it does. But if I have to sleep on the floor and have slept on the floor, and my kids are okay, I'm okay with that. If they're safe, I'm safe. Does it take a while to feel like you're safe after you escape? Yeah, it does. It really, really does. And if you feel like that person is still a threat to you, of course get your restraining order. Get you some cameras. They have outdoor cameras, but I wouldn't put them outdoors. I put them in my windows that face my doors. And I put them up everywhere. So that when and if that perpetrator ever tried to come in to hurt you, you have a right to defend yourself by any means necessary and to protect your offspring. I'm not telling you to go and do something wild, like, oh, invite them in and kill them. No, that's not what I'm about. It's about protecting yourself. If you see that person out lurking around your house, call 911 and get to somewhere safe in your home.

SPEAKER_00 38:27

And you have a right to protect yourself if that person is an intruder. Always let somebody know.

SPEAKER_01 38:39

Don't ever feel like you have to be silent when someone is putting their hands on you. You have the right to speak up. Speak up for yourself. Tell someone that you trust. Take pictures of those bruises. If he's manipulating you through money and finance and holding back food from you and the children, take pictures of the cabinets. What's in the cabinets? What's in the refrigerator? All of that stuff is part of the abuse process.

SPEAKER_00 39:17

Especially if you're a stay-home mom. Don't let fear or let gossip.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

And that's the thing, most of the time it's gossip. Don't let gossip keep you there. Don't let gossip be what makes you want to stay because you're afraid of what people have to say about you.

SPEAKER_00 39:43

Girl, fuck them folks. You ain't got to care what they say.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

Because if they got something to say, say something to somebody that can help you do something. Like seek shelter.

SPEAKER_00 40:04

Help you get a job.

SPEAKER_01 40:07

Help you find child care that's affordable if you have children. Help that way. Don't help pass along that. Oh, she she's been beat again. I'm quite sure that y'all know I've been beat again.

SPEAKER_00 40:26

But if you're gonna talk about it, talk about it on how you can help me.

SPEAKER_01 40:34

And if you know this person and you know he has a violent temper, do not set me up with this person. Because a lot of times I've seen women set women up with men they know that are violent and that have no good intentions. Stop throwing other women out there to the wolves or to the sharks. Don't do that.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

If you're pro-woman, be pro-woman.

SPEAKER_01 41:07

And men, if you out here are taking or being abused, speak up. Let somebody know. Don't let your pride of being a man dictate that you should stay and take that abuse. And I know it's not easy leaving. Trust me, I know. I'll leave with it. I will let you have everything in this bitch. But my life and the life of my children. You can have it all. I don't give a damn. I can replace it. It may take me a long time to replace everything, but that's a gamble I am willing to take.

SPEAKER_00 41:48

That is a gamble that I took.

SPEAKER_01 41:55

Get out of there and get out of there fast, is how I was thinking. I don't want to be, I'm tired of this. I need to go. Exactly what I did. Took me some time, but I left.

SPEAKER_00 42:10

And I know it's take uh a lot of your time.

SPEAKER_01 42:14

There's so many women out here that has left, and sometimes they go back because they don't know how to find the resources that they need. They don't have family that's there to support them, or they've been because they've been ostracized from their family. Because they haven't spoken in so many years. But sometimes if you just let that go and just tell them, tell somebody, tell your family. And if your family is one of those, well, just um just let them cool, love, and y'all will be alright. No the hell we won't be alright. How the hell we okay if I'm the one that's getting beat? How's that how we gonna be alright? Hell, he gonna be alright because he the one throwing the punches.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

I'm not alright if I'm the one that's receiving them.

SPEAKER_01 43:32

And some so good that they make sure they hit you where there's no bruises that can be found. They hitting you in your soft tissue areas, punching you in the stomach, hitting you in the legs, bussing you in your back, because you may bruise up on your legs and arms and your face, but they got to hit you pretty damn hard for you to bruise your. ribs so they punch you in the stomach relentless completely over and over again and Lord forbid if you have children with them and this doesn't happen to married just married people it happens to those that just want to play house with each other and those that um like I said earlier just same sex relationship domestic violence does not discriminate it does not care who gets hurt because those that commit their violence does not care and when you are no longer an asset for them and you're just used goods they just drop you and go on to the next person and you think about well should I warn that next person should I should I stay out of it a lot of times before you even know that person or get to meet that person he has already painted you as being crazy you've been you've been the one that's been the violent one you've been the one that's caused all the problems in the relationship you're a liar you're a cheater you have already been painted as the villain and I have learned to listen to women and I hear their stories uh because I've dated people that was in um domestic violence relationship as I told you all and that violence continued on to me and I have never met another woman that was with someone that was violent because like I said he has painted them as the villain and um our paths have never crossed but if you see the signs of abuse you see the bruises on someone you know that's um people that you know and you know that they are not the violent type they are not the type that likes a lot of attention they're the quiet type but you see that person withdrawing ask questions you see that person with bruises that don't seem to make sense ask questions especially if that person trusts you ask questions they don't have to confront your abuser but let that person have notes photos recordings of how that person is abusing you there may be and it starts out as verbal violence then it moves on to psychological and that is that psychological is ain't nobody gonna want you look at you you fat you nappy headed you ain't got no ass you flat chested oh and my all-time favorite you cock added you wanna know how my eye got like this ask questions rather assuming but no this wasn't due to domestic violence this was due to me playing um baseball when I was a child and I scarred up half of my face and my eye held this way but yeah psychological abuse like that yeah cock added you're too skinny or you're too fat you're nappy headed you're stupid never been stupid a day in my life except when I went back and started messing with you jackasses that put your hands on me but yes be that friend that helps record that can help get you justice that's gone that has the proof that you need that has the recordings that you need you can record inside your own home because it's yours just as much as it's his know the law of your state when it comes to recording but I said if it's in my home I'm recording everything can't tell me what not to put on record but make sure when you get those recorders and you get those pictures you share them with somebody that share them with that person that you trust else share them with me because maybe I will what you need I'm there what do you need he putting his hands on you you need a place to stay say less we as women gotta be there for each other let's save another life and I know there are some people out here that have lost their lives to trying to help somebody escape domestic violence make sure that you are able to protect yourself you file file those restraining orders even if he violates them you keep filing and I know I'm still gonna hear somebody say that you know it's just a piece of paper. It is it is just a piece of paper some men don't take it seriously at all they don't give a damn and those be the ones that take people's lives but if it can be prevented by having this person locked away well get them locked away help somebody escape and all of these um women's shelters even if you are full don't turn anybody away if you got an air mattress in there pop it up in the hallway baby I will sleep on the floor if it's full but I want to feel safe I want to be away from that person so I I'm able to think get away all right ladies and gentlemen those are some of the statistics that I have given you on how domestic violence and who's reflected in this uh how it affects people and the number of women and children affected and you know also and it gave us a number of even our young adults adolescents um but you know also domestic violence consists of stalking as well stalking can turn can lead to being violent that person being violent they have there's crazy people out here you have stalkers that just sometimes just may be infatuated with you because some of you know see you on podcasts or YouTube um look at you as somebody that they can be in a relationship with or your message is directly talking to them and they feel like they they're in love with you and when you reject them or don't give them what they want they too hurt you stalkers will hurt you don't think it's cute when somebody is stalking you it is not it's not a joke protect yourself from stalkers as well and if you are scared of web pew pews guns that the kind they kill baby they have the kind that's like rubber bullets it'll put them down it will put them down it will give you chance to get away from that person I'm not asking you to go out here and commit a felony no by all means no do not do that but I am saying find a way to protect yourself escape by making sure plan your escape it's not easy just to walk away it takes planning strategic planning and calculations to be able to get away from people like that from people that try to control you make sure you get those pictures those recordings those um cameras footage because most cameras you put an um LD card in them take that and give it to somebody that you trust so when you say you're ready you have everything that you need to take to the authorities and show them this person has this is what I live with every day for I don't know how many years or months and then sometimes it has it it includes when when you're walking away or running away it's meaning that you broke you have no money but you have your life you have your life all right everybody that wraps it up for me for today um I will be coming back with you all at another time um with other women that want to share their story on the abuse that they went through and how they managed to escape in the process they are now if they are in their healing season or even if they're still trying to heal let's be supportive supportive of them there are groups on Facebook that let you know where you know that can be a haven for you to talk about your what you went through or what you're going through or what you escaped from but make sure that the people that are entering these groups group mediators and admins moderators make sure you're vetting these people because you do not want the wrong people to get in these groups family members of the assailants of the the of the um person that's committing the violence don't let them in start a group chat be able to talk to one another in these groups so that you can you'll know who we let in who we should let in because I'm gonna tell you the auntie cousin niece brother cousin father baby daddy baby mama does not need to be in the group where we are surrounded by other people that has this experience domestic violence they don't need to be in that group and that's the reason for that is they're going back to tell what you said or that you're in that group you have to be aware of wolf in sheep's clothing there's a lot of wolves out there and not a lot of sheep vet these people don't just let anybody in if we can't vet them and nobody knows them then it's a possibility and be careful people use fake names fake pages fake everything but we have to find a system or and find a way that we can prove that this person needs to be here or disprove that that person is nonviolent or violent take the time vet them because that's what we do in this group that I'm in I'm in a group phenomenal men and women when I tell you we don't allow anyone that's there that's gonna bring negativity to that group because what we're trying to do in life we're trying to make sure we helping we're out here helping our community and we don't want to deal with people that will desecrate or add drama or make us look bad in a pub in the public's eye because like I said there are people out there I call them wolves there's people out here that's only about themselves and they don't care who they hurt to get to where they need to go to where they want to go beware and stay safe. Alright that wraps it up for this evening I will get back with you at a later date and we will go over um I'll let you know some of the places the amount of domestic violence homes that we have here in the US and um the resources that are offered I'm looking for those I am still researching a lot of things when it comes to the resources because I want to be able to to cover resources in every region and try to do it in every state which is going to take me some time to do. And I just ask that you grant me a little grace and a little patience and that I will be always authentic with you and I will always stand in integrity. Alright that's it for today bye