She speaks with San
She Speaks is a podcast created for women who have survived what was meant to silence them—and are discovering the strength to speak, heal, and rise.
This is a safe and empowering space for real conversations about trauma, heartbreak, grief, betrayal, abuse, rejection, loss, motherhood, relationships, self-worth, and the experiences women often carry quietly. Through powerful personal stories, heartfelt conversations, and messages of encouragement, She Speaks reminds women that healing does not require hiding their scars.
Here, we honor the journey from surviving to healing, from silence to voice, and from pain to purpose.
Every woman has a story. Every story deserves to be heard. And sometimes, sharing that story becomes part of the healing.
She survived. She healed. Now, She Speaks.
She speaks with San
Nikki's Story
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Nikki tells her story of navigating thru domestic violence to healing. She shares intimate details of abuse and how she managed to flee, and what it took to rebuild her life.
Hello and welcome back to She Speaks with San. My name is San Rekina, and I am the host of She Speaks. Today I have the lovely Nikki Davis with me, and she is here to tell her story. So you're gonna hear it straight from her. This is raw footage. Well, this is raw and revised. This is uh being as authentic as we can possibly be. And I'm not gonna interrupt her while she tells her story. If I have any questions in the end, then I will ask her some questions. But when you're doing interviews, and no, this is not your average interview, where there's a lot of questions being asked. This is where people tell their actual story. We don't have to try to build off of a question, we're just going straight in and hearing it from the horse's mouth. And there I will cut myself off and let everybody hear it from Nikki. Nikki, you have the floor.
SPEAKER_04Um, I try to jump on these as much as possible because I feel like what I went through is very relatable, how it would be something that you know can reach um someone at all aspect of where they are with the message. Um my um story starts with my son's mind. And before I I want to make it important. And I want y'all to keep that in mind as I tell my story. Because I think that's such a topic, the topic is also that human aspect of my subject. I met my son's father when I was a mother's wife. I had two children over this relationship. I actually was living in another topic relationship. And he was blind over the fact that his father was his mother and how to put that because the first time that we had already worked right. And we were having a little spec on the top of the wind and whatnot. And one of my kids my kids had a little like uh table set that they stay there. Now I was trying to which is something that I think you use as leverage. Oh, we were doing this, and you were doing that, and you don't remember. So I mean that's what you're telling me. You don't really remember because we're going to be hospital, and I was just trying to calm me down and it's a guy. And because I was drunk. I was thinking of it, and I think now after that, we won't have our sun. So after we had our son with the next time, we haven't had the phone's on the weather. So we're fighting over this phone. And so he's not giving me a phone. I'm like, well, I bet we'll give me the phone. The next thing I know, I have a black eye. And it was so bad you could see. And at this point we have to get together. He had me in a mindset where nobody was gonna want me because I wasn't at this baby mama, or baby daddy, young black woman, three children. I was like, nobody's gonna want you. And I was like I had no value myself. And as the relationship progressed, progressed. So now I'm showing the first time that he strangled me or arguing about my tax. I thought he had said because we shared a child that the money was for both of us. I quite carefully money, tax money is for parents that take care of their children throughout the year. When has a little body? And the one thing was when I when I was out in a relationship afterwards, and men are like, you are so sweet. Why would someone want to put their hands on me? I'm like, oh, it's my mouth. It's my house because at the same time it was kind of funny, but it wasn't like it because it's a light, you know. So that's really a half year. Um I was children all the whole time. I was able to get my children. And Laura knows that even as adults and older daughters are now adults, and they remember this. And it doesn't happen because they're their children, they love me, but they don't like me both things like that. You know, I'm not his mom. And I put nine numbers on, you know, and I was just like, I'm having me in the talking about me was incarcerated for child report, so I had to stuff. I put my camera over his hand, and I was up to them. And it was hurtful. I honestly was having this is how that trauma that trauma told me. I was having a nervous breakdown, and I was missing a breakup because I was just focusing myself, like, what am I gonna do without this person that's in my security blanket for the past five and a half years? So I called out of work and I decided I was gonna stay at home, and I was just gonna rest and try to get my mind right before I go back to work. I had one of those window eight secrets, and I woke up and said loud and startled me, and he was saying he crawled in through my window and see it by my mind. I went around, picked me up by my neck, and started struggling with it. And my paperhead went on the floor. One thing is the next thing the thought process in my mind what is going to happen if he doesn't let go. What is gonna happen to my kid? What is it gonna do to my kids and just saying kill me? He did let me go, and then he done all his stuff like me and roll back over while I literally floor. He told me that he loved me and that he wasn't going anywhere.
unknownAnd then he left.
SPEAKER_04I went to another bottom shelter, I got mad, and he hooked me up with one of the lawyers that were inside that shelter. I got a protective order against him or me and my son, and they helped me leave that place. So by the time I was able to come back, and I don't regret that choice. I honestly feel like if I could continue on that relationship, not saying that he would have done it intentionally, but he would have killed me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04It's scary to have somebody in your house that has a total lack of control of themselves.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah, and I understand that, and um, I'm so I'm so elated that you were able to leave with your life and that you decided to one, you tried to end the relationship and get out of there, but you know, it's hard when the abuser finds whatever it means or avenue that they can to get back in, to weasel their way back into your life, but he tries to come back into your life forcefully, and to choke, to strangle someone is very intentional because you feel that amount of pressure, that amount of strength in your own hands of how hard you're gripping something, and just this is soft tissue.
SPEAKER_04His nails had dug, like I had scabs on the sides of my neck from his nails. That's how hard he was chugging me. He had picking at the scabs. I remember every time I got a little weak moment where I wanted to call him, I would just touch the side of my neck and feel the scab on the side of my neck. Like, no, you can't like because that's crazy. How are your nail marks embedded in the sides of my neck?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Without it being, because he couldn't say, Well, I didn't have no intentions on hurting you. Well, the intentions was there. You choked me, and when you turned me a loose, you begin, he began to kick you. And I just I just want to ask, where were your children during this time?
SPEAKER_04With my mother, thank God. That's how I got that protective order, though, because the judge said on the bench, he said, But if what if your kids were home and they were under that AC unit with the kids today? So that that could have fell on your baby.
SPEAKER_01Right, and he's absolutely right. And to have an advocate that actually advocate for you is exceptional because I have seen, or no, I've seen where the advocates that's supposed to be advocating for the victim isn't doing their job, it's giving the bare minimum. It's like, well, you know, people argue, are you sure you want to go for this? Baby, you ain't supposed to be talking me out of this, you're supposed to be having me escape. This man was beating me. This man was choking me. I have small children, and the mere fact that you said that, your children remember that it's because domestic violence just doesn't affect the two adults, it affects those children in a very impactful way. So those children begin to have behaviors, and like you said, he said that he witnessed his mother go through that. So this is a learned behavior that he had, and it just amazes me that so many people can hide their true selves when they're talking to you initially. So not tell people I said when you're talking or you're starting to talk to someone new, they play out every scenario or conversation that they think that we can have. But if you sit back and you watch that person, observation is so key. Observing and being quiet and looking. My granny used to say, close your mouth and listen. It'll tell you a whole lot about a person because it's hard to break your habits. Habits are the toughest thing to break, like how people that smoke. The hardest thing to do is to put it down. So the hardest thing to do is hide that person that you truly are, and you have some people that are truly genuine and kind, and like you said, you know, hey, everybody said that you were nice and you like to drink. I mean, just put that disclaimer out there. Alcohol does not make people want to fight, someone always wants to initiate it and use alcohol as the crutch. Because I know people that drink and they just hurt silly, having a good time. There is no such thing as we finna fight. And then you have some people when they just it's in them, it's in them to want to fight, and sometimes alcohol don't even be a part of the factor. They use that to say that was your behavior so they can say that you started.
SPEAKER_04It was like, well, if you would stop drinking so much, but I was miserable, and alcohol was my clutch. It was like in a work day, well, I can at least have a drink because I got this cheating man over here. He doesn't make me feel the things that I need to feel on the inside secure, and you know, more but this alcohol does. So, you know, and then it was like, oh, there you go with your drinking.
SPEAKER_01It was just the talent, and the more you wouldn't drink, then I wouldn't have to beat you, or we wouldn't end up and I'm like, that's not that's not a reason to beat somebody, like what's going on because the mere fact that you want to use alcohol as the crutch, so why like sir? So what makes you do the things you did? You kicked in. I left. I tried to give you out. We were not good for each other, so I decided to leave. And for him, it should have been. Well, if it's the you know, if it's my me drinking is making you unhappy, leave. He could have left.
SPEAKER_04It was everything when I was sober, and I'm like, okay, well, you know what, this isn't working. Maybe we should just who do you think is gonna want you? You think someone's gonna want you? You got three kids and two baby daddies. You know, you you you don't got the best body out here. You had three children. Well, who do you think you know, and and then it's like a manipulation tactic. It's like I'm damned if I do, I'm damned if I don't.
SPEAKER_01Right, and I get that, and then it's like the whole thing of uh you have multiple baby daddies, baby. I carry I brought life onto this earth. I brought life here. I did something that you could not do, could never do. Yeah, you contributed a small amount, and I wish you had to put it in the toilet. But I'm thankful, I am thankful for my child. But had I known that it was you was what was gonna be the baby daddy, I would have put you in the toilet as fast as I possibly could have. But I am thankful for my baby.
SPEAKER_04When did we start weaponizing women being able to be humble? Like, when did that become the norm? When did that become a bad thing? It's like, okay, you're you're using that as a negative or to make me feel inferior to society, but this is actually a beautiful thing that I can do in the right relationships, and then a how a big household is beautiful, and it's nothing wrong with wanting that, right?
SPEAKER_01And there's nothing wrong with that, and then I was like, you know, and it's crazy how they want to try to weaponize women and tell them how you know we're so out of shape and nobody's gonna want you because you got these, all these daddies, sir. Your mama had somebody, you came from a woman, so do you think your mother is ugly? See, but then that don't come fighting words right now because you want to tear me down, and that's what they do, they pick at our insecurities, they learn that from us because you know we're like, oh man, this looks used. I don't feel comfortable in this dress or these jeans, and they use that as ammunition to pick away at our self-esteem, to break us down, yes, to break us down so that we can be dependent upon them for the compliments, and the moment someone else looks at us, you read it, you read the beat on me someone because somebody looked or spoke to me, and that makes you so unhappy, but yet still you want to try to tell me that I'm not beautiful, nobody's gonna want me, sir. Um, let may I remind you, you wanted me. I had a child when I met you, so you know that what does that say about you? But you know, it's not about them, it's about them wanting to be in control, not having that control, wanting to have multiple relationships with multiple women, and feel like we should just shut up and let it happen. And you know, and and that's crazy to me because I'm out here working just like you working, and we're living together, we're both contributing to that household. And if not, um your woman is contributing more because one, I gotta work, then I gotta come home and work some more because raising children is a lot of work. This is not an easy thing to do. You gotta make sure you take these children. Some people like to say 18. Baby, my oldest is 20, finna be 25, and I still show up and show out about my child. My youngest is 22, baby. I'm gonna still show up and show out about my child. They're my children, they will forever be my children, and I will advocate for them every day of their life until God takes me away from him. But in the meantime, you put your hands on one of mine. Oh yeah, it's round one. Ding ding, I'm coming in like Mayfield. I'm sorry, I am sorry because I I don't I try my best to shield them from that type of lifestyle, but sometimes it creeps in when you're not looking.
SPEAKER_04That was the importance of me becoming an advocate because I started a group and I started speaking out online, and any chance I did, I tell my story, and my two oldest, they're they're 18 and 19, they're girls. So they look up so they see, okay, were they there when all of that stuff was going on in the past? But watching relearn myself and get back into jogging because I get the job when I was a teenager. I had to back and reset that one thing came to enjoy before I was a mom, before I was a girlfriend, before I was one day to enjoy yoga and job. And they watched and reading my body, they watched, a quite literally doing one age and find each myself and then speak out and help others, and that turns it around for them because instead of them becoming a statistic like I did in domestic violence, it's like, no, my mom's an advocate, this is wrong, and we know it's wrong, and don't make us call her on you because she will pull up beep, beep, zoom, real quick, real quick.
SPEAKER_01I mean when no questions asked, no questions asked, and you know, my girls watched me rebuild. You know, I took I was like, you know what? I had so much. If you listen to my story, um, you will see that I it ended up that I left, I left from around family, I left from round uh all the things that brought me that was um what's the word I'm looking for? All the things that I was familiar with. I left and I took that. Time I fast and prayed, fast and prayed, fast, prayed, work, take care of my kids. I did those things, and I was like, listen, I saw this growing up. I went through it as a teenager and as a young adult. I I can't be doing this. And so I told my girls, nobody deserves to put their hands on you. No matter what you say. Words are words. You do not put your hands on somebody because of what they comes out of their mouth. And sometimes you be wanting to put your hands on somebody because the things that come out of their mouth, but that's those are called triggers.
unknownWell, that's a lack of control they have in the conversation.
SPEAKER_04Because, okay, I can't intellectually get on your level with your mouth. I'm gonna shut you up another way. I have no control, and I'm saying that I need to have control in this. And a relationship we're supposed to be talking about each other on a private level. We can't do that. We don't belong together. Right.
SPEAKER_01So what is you know it it's what's the purpose, you know, and that and that's the thing. They were so used to being, they get so conditioned and listening to the wrong men out here in these streets. Be trying to teach them how to be men. Oh, you your woman do this, your woman do that. Man, that don't happen in my household. See, see, you letting somebody else come in and try to dictate your household, they're trying to indoctrinate you through my control, and you don't even realize it that you letting another man tell you how to run your household, how to be one with your woman, a woman that they don't even know. And it's and it's it behooves me that they fall for it every single time. They fall for it every single time, and don't realize that those same people that they call in friend, the moment their back is turned, girl. You just one more than a heartbeat, one more time. I don't think they heard you in the back.
unknownThey will sleep with your woman in a heart.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and fast as they can say, baby the bobbity boo. It's happening. Like, man, you shouldn't treat me like that, you know. Happens all the time, all the time. And then I'm gonna tell you something that really another thing that just takes my breath away. The women, the mothers that condone their boys for doing things like that, and the first thing they say is, Well, what did you do to him?
SPEAKER_04And his mother was like that. It was really kind of crazy because the last conversation I had with his mother was like her after a moment. And I was like, I said to that woman, my mother has two college draft with his daughters, and all three of your sons have been in jail for beating somebody up. So I'm confused. Who is it that lights draw up? And she called the phone up. Now I get where this lack of communication accountability comes from. Your paralyzed are high.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because she had none. She has not taught them anything, and maybe, maybe he was seeing his mother in you. That's why he might have been fighting, cause he probably won't gonna hit his mama.
unknownBut you know what?
SPEAKER_04And this is an interesting thing that I talk about. It's interesting because those who are subjugated to domestic violence or abuse as children typically roll up one or two weeks. And I'm like R when I say something from his molecular.
unknownAnd what did that man go up and do?
SPEAKER_04You got the money. If you got money, you can do whatever. And it's like that's that's like what happened. I'm like, this is a uh a trend. And I'm like, so you witness your daddy do this to your mother, and then you just perpetuated the cycle.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And somebody has to break that curse, that generational curse has to stop. And it, and you know, I my heart goes out to the boy moms that you know, because I know a lot of them are single parents, they're single mothers, but as a mom, and I want this to be clear, if you are a single mom and you know there are some men out here that are good men, you don't want you don't have to date that man, but you can surround your sons with men that have greatness about them. You don't have to have them in the hood or letting the the guys in the hood try to teach them anything because one thing they're gonna teach them is how to go to damn jail.
unknownWell, the thing is they say how women can't raise boys to be men. Also, like some men can't raise men to be men.
SPEAKER_01They sure can. Because let's be for real, they don't know how to be a man themselves. Right.
unknownThe one thing that I could think about Beyonce is that he isn't the mess about the body.
SPEAKER_04Now he would kind of reverse when they were kind of like, oh, he went to that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04So it's like one dynamic war is the other, but there's these select men that can actually that have the emotional intelligence to recognize it's not something to be perpetuated and end up being phenomenal role models.
SPEAKER_01They do, and I talked about that in my last episode because I was talking about the statistics. And but you know, some people don't believe it that men get they too go through domestic violence because they have seen their mother go through it and they vow to be different than the men that they saw beat on their moms. And you have women that take advantage of those situations and turn and try to, and they weaponize it, they weaponize that good man being a man that will keep his hands to himself, and they become the one that wants to beat on them, and that's not right on any shape, form, or fashion. You know, keep your hands to yourself, and that's what some of my grandma just saying you can't take if you can't take a lick, don't pass it. And keep your hands to yourself, and you know, I grew up seeing not only with my mom, but my my aunts. Now, I've never seen my grandmom be in a domestic violent relationship because my grandpa my grandpa died when I was one. And my grandmother dated, but I only knew two men that my grandmama dated in my whole lifetime, and they was good men. It wasn't no putting their hands on, wasn't putting no hands on her. And then too, I mean, uh they might have been scared of two, so there goes that.
unknownI got some some role people in my lineage.
SPEAKER_04My my great aunt hit her her ex-husband on the head with a hammer and he would beat her and beat her in a whole beat her, and then one day he went to put his hands on her and she grabbed that hammer and was like, wow.
unknownEspecially if no man saying a woman did something, so she said he stumbled out the door, and I never seen him again.
SPEAKER_01Right. It's just like it was shame back then. It was shame for them. They wouldn't admit that a woman put their hands on. Well, this woman had to defend herself, and my grandmother and her sisters, my great aunts were some of those ladies. My gr my great aunt. Now you never seen nobody cut anybody and draw blood with a butter knife. And I uh my my great aunt did, my great aunt did, baby. She when she said, Don't put your hands on me, she meant that with all her soul, don't put your hands on me because she ain't played that mess, and neither did either of my great aunts. And it's like, baby, when I said they said them with a spoon women with true with some truths, that D was, and some of us had to take on those personas, and they tell me all the time I'm just like my grandma. Well, that may be true, and I take it as a compliment because one thing I'm not gonna let you do is put your hands on me and put your hands on any woman that's sitting around me. Now, you have people that sit around and see someone getting beat, and the first thing they want to say is, I ain't got nothing to do with that. Well, baby, you don't want to have nothing to do with okay. Call the police at least they can come here and they can see the marks, and but what's so good about it nowadays, if you got marks on you, you both going to jail. Then at least then you both will be able to tell your side of the story. I hate for a woman to have to go to jail for defending herself, but it kind of like forces you to tell your side to the judge unless you go and you lie for them, and then you taint your own name and being able to um get assistance rendered um uh the next time that you may need them. And you have some officers that be like, Well, hell, she didn't she said last time that it didn't happen, but now she's hollering he hit her. She probably denied it because she's scared.
SPEAKER_04She's scared of you. That's all it's a whole brainwashing attack attack. And the thing is, and that's the whole thing where you're right, there is a circumstances. Like if you're being choked and you reach over on a counter and you grab a lamb and you go over a hand with a lamb, now you're all in jail. That would be one. And I'm gonna say that all you are with twenty five. You are the right to my life. I have every right to protect myself. I'm not gonna lie and pretend I don't have a little PC from him knocking in my window like that.
SPEAKER_00I got a lot of it.
unknownI'm like in.
SPEAKER_01That's right.
unknownAnd I'll be able to protect myself.
SPEAKER_01By any means necessary. Yep.
unknownOr their abuser.
SPEAKER_04There's no kind of resources out there to really kind of help the partner to let her deal with that, or any kind of laws or protection or any capacity when they fight back. And it's like, well, what am I supposed to do? I'm supposed to just call the police every time this happens. When is the domestic you don't want to believe either time? The police don't even want to be involved in it.
unknownSo what are we really talking about?
SPEAKER_01And then, you know, it gets to, you know, to the point where sometimes when the abuser knows that you're gonna call the police because you may have called them before or you may have called family members before, then they they they determines that you ain't gonna tell nobody. So they're gonna take both of y'all out. They take both of you, they eliminate you and themselves, and after that, and that's what I'm so tired of seeing. I'm tired of seeing these men taking these women's lives because these women are tired, they're tired, they want to move on. And a man taught me that a man cannot take the hurt that he gives to another woman, and that is so true. Now they can go out here and cheat, and a lot of it be sent around infidelity, infidelity and finances. We catch them cheating, and they want to have their cake, ice cream, milk, and cookies too. And we're like, hell no, I'm done with this. And they was like, and they they don't want you to say no because they have conditioned you, they have you, they have gotten you into a routine where they have you trained, and I hate to say it, but it's it's training, and and we have to unlearn those behaviors, and it takes time, it takes years, and I know I've seen women that don't want to be by themselves, and they just either go back with their perpetrator or they find someone just like them, and they repeat that same rat race over and over and over and over again.
SPEAKER_04No, that's the scariest thing for a narcissist or an abuser finding a woman that finds confidence and comfortability within herself, and there's no hole in there that can't build the because it's too much work. You know, that you leave, you know, that the that mask can't stay on forever.
unknownIt'll stay on for a long time, and it can't stay on forever.
SPEAKER_01And that's why they always brainwash and manipulate somebody who's mentally strong like that, and that comes from healing. Yeah, and then you know, don't let that that woman have that one friend that is sister soldier that's there for you, that's there for you, and tell you, girl, I got you. If you leave this nigga, or we finna just call me, we can do the one, two step with him together. Now, that woman he wants her to stay away from because he knows that woman is a threat to what he's trying to do. That woman is a threat to building that woman back up to the person that she was prior to meeting him, making her know, baby, you are more powerful than you ever have been. Go back and reclaim your power, and that is what they're afraid of. So they're gonna try to alienate you from that friend or from that family member until you are nothing, till you are whittled down, you're cowering in the corner like a little girl, and you're scared to go out here, or they make you miss them. That where we have to build that community of having women that's like, I got your back. You don't need him. We can get through this. Tell me what you need.
SPEAKER_04I had to do that for my good friend. She she was with her husband for 19 years. And let me tell you something. He got I was over her house one time and he got the quick man. That's a big man. This is I'm five five and I weigh 150 pounds. He put her hand his hands on her and turned her around, and I said stop putting his hands on her, and that man liked that, and I thought I'd like to do it.
SPEAKER_03You can't let me know.
SPEAKER_01That's right. That's right.
SPEAKER_04And I had a conversation with my friend that I I helped her get out of that marriage, I helped her rebuild, strengthen her faith in God, running domestic violence pays together. And the thing about it is, I had a real conversation with her, and I said, I understand him and I have a lot of eyes.
unknownNow I can see all that barrel, you know that would have been a close hat.
SPEAKER_01Um I said, so seriously, I don't miss. I was like, girl, that was actually it was scary for me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Because the moment you felt no weird today.
unknownYou know what I mean? It's like because it was the heat of the moment, but it was he was too big.
SPEAKER_03I was oh no, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Baby, and then my growing the bigger they fall, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. But I'm telling you, I may be like, I'm 5'8. I'm 5'8, but baby, I tell you, my two friends, baby, they can drop you faster than I can. And um, and it's all it's gonna take is two of them, and they real little. They call teetle and dweedle. Tweetle and deedle will make you will drop you faster than I could.
SPEAKER_04I didn't say that I hurt that man because I saw that blue was just enough to make him come to his senses step back into reality, like, okay, wait a minute.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you ain't so big and bad, you don't want to run up over here now. Come on, Cletus. Because you run, you run over here, I promise you, you're gonna be carried out.
unknownAnd his daughter was there that did not even belong to my friend, and she went home and told her mama I wish she would have shot him, which is tough.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that he's done this. He's a pattern, he beats women, and it's the you know, and it, you know, and it's it's and I hate it so much to see women having to results to kick um, I'm just gonna say it killing. They and they perpetrator because they have tried everything else. Or and like I tell women, document. When I went through my situations, I was told document, you document everything. Wherever, if you got a restraining order, make sure you have it. The school has a copy of it, your job has a copy of it, even though that restrainer order, some men don't give a damn about that piece of paper. But I'ma make sure that if in the event I have to protect myself, someone is going to know. And at the height that cell phones ain't like they used to be, you know, back then all they were felt good for was just to call, baby. I'm telling you, you got some bed.
unknownWell, you also well see the problem often becomes of what I've often seen in some of these person, because I follow these poor things online.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yes, ma'am.
SPEAKER_04So, in a way, you're responsible for it there. And like a way. So, it's not any talent.
SPEAKER_01None of the judges are probably not to understand.
SPEAKER_04It's not it's it's not as cut and dry. Just because I have a domestic violence uh shelter that I was able to go through that was tremendously helpful, doesn't mean that that's everywhere.
SPEAKER_01That's right, because they're not. Because when they're old, when they're full, they don't take you in. Baby, please take take me in. I'll sleep on the floor in the corner or in a chair. Just don't let me still stay out here where this man can get to me and hurt me. Or I'm staying at, you know, I'm living at the gas station or I'm having showers at the truck shop or whatever.
SPEAKER_04Easy places, easy things, and then nobody will ever find it. So it's like it's like some people they they quite literally have been abused their whole life. They don't know how to get a bank account, they don't know how to go out with a job, they don't know how to like say that person shouldn't think about the way to leave, and they don't get out there.
SPEAKER_01And that's how it started. It was like, oh, you don't have to work. You don't have to work. You know, I take care of you, baby. Some men mean that in a good way, and they really do take care of you. Whereas there is no hand putting on you, there is no type of abuse at all. It's all positive. It's uh healthy relationships, and then you have those that use money, their status, their um, their um, well, money and their status pretty much is the basis of it. Yeah, well, yeah, something where someone understood.
SPEAKER_04Turn around and become a monster.
unknownSometimes it could be just a sense of security that they're offering you and a false sense of security. Yeah. It's like, oh, wait a minute. I'm here again.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Right. And it happens so and in it because they gradually walk you into it. They yeah, and take you real slow through and they they show you for about six months or a year how fabulous they are. It's been people that have been in relationships for five years and then decide to get married. And once the ring can went on, the mask came out. You starting at the that's it. You ain't never leaving me.
unknownYou ain't leaving me yet.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and you notice um like you were saying about the life skills and they've been alienated. Some of them end up having to because there's no place for them at the shelter, have to go back into the house with their abuser. And he takes that opportunity to degrade them even further. Even nobody can take away because you don't know how to do that anyway. You can't boil water. Let me see if I can boil this water right now. You it don't it don't tell them what you'll do with some, you know what I'm saying? If you do this to your own children, baby, you can care less about my life. It is nothing for you to take it because you sit here and you degrade your own. And that's what something uh that's one thing I'm so proud of that I did not do is that that you know, degrading, giving these children a false hope. My kids got to see this strong woman, got to see this woman that I can prevail from this, and you know, they'll tell me, Mama, you're the strongest woman I know because baby, we've seen you go through some stuff, and if anything ever happens, the first is they tell people, let me go call my mama. I'm gonna go call my mama. They ain't gonna go call their daddy. Let me go call my mama because their daddy is six foot, he's over 260 something pounds. He big. But let me go call my mama. Like you, yeah, my mama will be here. If it takes my mama three, if the trip is three hours, my mama gonna be here in an hour and 30 minutes. So she finna violate every law on the land to get here to me. And they know I will do it in a heartbeat.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I when my son was younger and I wanted to instill in him, I was like, now, if a girl puts her hands on you, you know, what you supposed to do? He was like, Call my sister.
SPEAKER_02And I was like, What y'all gonna do?
unknownAnd they said, But what's I was gonna call you, Mommy? I did.
SPEAKER_03I was like, Yeah, you would have done it and not me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you know, it would have put your hand on my baby. And it's so crazy, like like in high school, I was not a fighter. So the people that I did get into fights with, I lost because I wasn't a fighter, because I wasn't taught to fight. But hell, after I, you know, start growing up and I was like, listen, and these men want to start putting their hands on me. I was like, shit.
unknownIf a man weighs more than me and is taller than me, if I can deal with that, oh honey.
SPEAKER_01I can let me see you deal with this. Do you are you do me my best shit? We want some again. Baby, because I'm gonna tell you, I done learned some skills over the years. I got this. You know what I'm saying? Bad fancy on my feet, and you know, this way healing looks like. Well, we can take this. Domestic violence is such a serious thing, but when you heal and you can turn around and you can laugh, because laughter feeds the soul, it is, it may it. I feel like laughter gives you that Benjamin button, it reverses that process of aging. Whereas when you're going through a relationship that's tumultuous, is it's draining, it uh it pulls everything out of you, and it ages you because girl, you look like you're 12. You look like you're 12 years old sitting over here. Okay. I was happier looking at it wasn't even really my body was all happy.
SPEAKER_04And I think it was like just orders all, but like I was happier looking, my skin wasn't as like shiny, and and I I I look better now than I did back then.
unknownI see Snapchat sometimes, like, don't tell me this.
SPEAKER_00You know what I'm saying? But like, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete.
SPEAKER_01You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody asked you to play back this memory. Let me hold on, hold on, let me get on with delete on this picture. Did he like we have memories? No, the hell you don't no more. We ain't got them. We trying to it will. It will. Yes.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01Please, please, exit stage left.
unknownI can take bubble baths, and I can set tea, and I can go, I can watch my anime and be perfectly content with my life.
SPEAKER_01See, I can just sit here and listen to my music because I tell you what, I get music gives me so much power, and I was sitting here and listening to you know that I love I love all genres of music, but that Molly Cyrus, I can buy myself flowers. I mean, it's over here playing in my head, girl, because that's how I feel, because it's so many times in those relationships they bring you gifts to try to bring you back. And I was like, you know what? I remember, yeah, baby, huh? Yeah. When nobody else there for you, remember when nobody's letting me get for everybody, you didn't get a chance, no one got a chance, right? You you made sure nobody wanted to be around us because you made everything toxic and everything about you. If it wasn't centered around you, it wasn't happening. So forget about being around other people for the holidays. Can't be around nobody but his folks, and they looking at you sideways, knowing that he's beating the hell out of you, and they just like, well, you know, you know how he is. That's that's the one thing when I tell you, you want to piss me off real fast. Those two statements, them two statements there. Well, we can go on and add that third one in there. But you know how he is, it's the main thing that comes out of them parents, the mother's mouths. But you knew how he was when you got with him. No the hell I didn't.
unknownNo, the fuck I didn't.
SPEAKER_01No, I didn't.
unknownBut no, I did not. This was over. If he had exposed this on the first day, he would have been to the left. I would have gone somewhere else. I did not know it was gonna be like this.
SPEAKER_04Please stop that.
SPEAKER_01Maybe I would have been like speed racer. I am out of there so fast you don't see nothing but dust behind me. That's how fast so I've been leaving. But no, ma'am, you gotta be accountable for the monster that you made. You produced this monster in the way that you to make him be like this. Yes, ma'am. He learned on the street.
unknownThat hatred their eyes.
SPEAKER_01It is away without therapy, which they refuse to get because they they're all body. Yep. And take their shit. Ain't taking that shit out. Yeah, yeah. And it's sad that that's how they view us. That's how women have always been viewed as property. And the more and more and more as we go along and we see different things that's happening in politics, and which I don't like to talk about politics because people get upset. I'm a liberal. I'm gonna say what I'm a liberal and I'm a Gen X. So, yeah, I can hold my own ten toes down. But my thing is, when are we gonna make them? You know what I'm saying? I'm talking about stage strap, baby. Like, you do you carry? You want to find out? I live in, you know, baby. I'm down here and and you know, I'm in the deep south. I'm in Georgia. Uh and I'm an Alabama girl, born bred in Alabama, and I've been in Georgia for 15 years, and like I'm too, I am true to my southern roots and I'm true to my ancestors. Do you want to go meet yours? Because if you put your hand on me, if you put your hands on me, you can become one of your you can go meet them. You can go meet them.
unknownIt's another friendly state. That's why the Maryland of Pennsylvania already, I'm like five minutes or five yeah, five minutes from the Maryland line. It's another friendly state. I was born in Philadelphia.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_04When I'm at my door.
SPEAKER_01Which one do you want? You want you on Mickey Minnie, Dunn, or Goofy? 'Cause I can mention meet all of 'em. Hell yeah, I gotta protect 'em. That's ma'am. Yes, ma'am. And rescue you. We gotta protect.
unknownWe won't have to hold it down. I'm gonna have to walk in the militant up in here.
SPEAKER_01Even if you crazy they sure do, and even if it's hell, they even baby there be kicking in the front door, because I'm telling you, kick that bitch in. You won't have to, you're gonna need some help getting up out of there. You're gonna need some help. And I made sure as well when my girls was younger, and I gotta give their dad props of that too, teaching them how to hold firearms, firearm safety, safety has always been pivotal ever since I think I was 21 when I got my first firearm, and ever since then, I really ain't been tried, sis. I ain't been tried because I let them know shit. They like you, you baby. I don't need a big gun. This 22, this 22, baby, finna have you with a team. Gonna have you with a team, baby. You're gonna need a team because it's finna go ping ping-pong with your organs, and because I'm not finna call upon it, yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. But you know, they you know them little bit ones be hard to get you. They have to say something, they have to stay in there. But I made sure that my girls, we have none, none. We finna go, it's finna be an old school game of donkey cone on the inside of you because if you put your hands on me, because I'm so over that. I have a right to protect myself and my offspring by all we all all ways necessary, and I even take my girls. We go to the firing range, they go and we try out all types of guns, and so we in there just firing away, and I'm seeing them picking up stuff. I'm like, let me see what they're gonna do with this. This is huge. Oh, impressive. Yes, yes, recognize, like even like like even put in a situation where their perception or their self-awareness, there we go. Yes, self-awareness about what's going on around them all in a situation.
unknownYeah, you know what I mean? It makes it so much more.
SPEAKER_01And that's important to see our happiness now, are ladies to understand how to do this, but we are not here, right? And especially to our young ladies, and I want to bring up um one thing. Um, so we had in Alabama with a young lady named Anaya, Anaya Blanchard, where she was kidnapped from the store. And my girls were going to school three hours away from me, and it was back in our hometown, but you know, it doesn't mean that they got that home or that family since uh sense that's there. So my oldest daughter wasn't a driver, she was scared to drive, and she would take the bus. When I tell you, as a nurse, and I'm saying this loud, I have taught my girls how to protect themselves or how to defend themselves against a male perpetrator. You are too young to carry a gun, but baby, you can sure as hell carry a knife, and we're gonna learn where we're gonna go into a thing called anatomy and physiology because one of two things is gonna happen. He's either gonna turn you loose or he's gonna get you and kill you, and you're gonna always take that situation as if they're trying to kill you because a lot of times they're not letting you go. You have to stay armed, you have to keep something on you, so therefore, they had every type of tactical piece of small something that can stay in their hands without it being knocked out of their hands, where they could protect themselves. Yeah, mace, yeah. Okay, we got that. But what the hell we gonna do? You got to know where to stick them at, you got to know where to cut them at because cutting them on their hand or wrist, baby, that finna piss them off, and you could they finna kill you instantly. So, as their mom, I had to make sure that if this a man grabs you and they're stronger than you, you have to be able to get them off of you and flee with your life. It is a life or death situation, there is no in-between, it's life or death. One of you have to leave here aloud.
unknownA perpetrator has a gun because they don't know how to properly wield a gun and drop a bad or nothing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yes. Wilding out and do what the hell they want to do. Maybe it's in Georgia too. But I tell I swear to God. Baby essentially what I was saying is Columbus, Georgia. It's more children down here killing people. And I worked in corrections, I was a nurse in there. My my husband was a deputy here, and he's retired, thank God. But when I tell you, seeing on the news 14 and 15 year olds um involved in trying to rob people, they're robbing people and actually don't know how to use a freaking gun, and so you just you just shooting, baby. What are you doing? And then where in the hell is your parent and you 14 and it's three o'clock in the morning? Why you ain't at home? Well, they said mom probably at work. Mom, I'm gonna tell you if I when I work night shifts, my girls knew I don't bring nobody in this house. Don't you answer the dough? And if somebody comes in and try to come up in here that we did not invite up in here, you better use everything in this house to take their ass down with. I'm talking about go straight. It's two of y'all. One of y'all better grab a but one of y'all better grab two knives, and the other one better be ready with the lamp, the table, the chair, whatever we got to do to make sure this person is not getting in here, or if they get in here, they got to be down. We're taking them down because this is your son. Oh girl.
unknownThey had uh phones, and I was in constant communication.
SPEAKER_01Oh ma'am. Okay, yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. And one time out dating, baby. I needed a picture of that license plate. What's their mama's name? What's their sister's name? What's their grandmama name? Because I want to know your lineage, new lineage, and I want to know what that person said before time because I'm going to do a ride by. I'm honey, and I'm gonna tell you now, I don't have the religious aspect. Some of the biggest devils are in the church, that's true, and they sit and they sit up on that pulpit and tell them and tell you try to give you the word of God. And I think when you're involved in the welfare, you know, you were taking her to church and all that stuff.
SPEAKER_04And I thought that was my daughter.
SPEAKER_01Oh, like he's oh yeah,
unknownSpiritual connection.
SPEAKER_04That concerns me because what does he really believe in? If he can't make those connections on his own, that's what telling me he's reciting something.
unknownSo if if you pay attention, he's respectful.
SPEAKER_01You can. And like myself, I'm not I'm not big into religion. I do not practice religion. I am very spiritual. And when people hear me say that, they were like, Oh, she don't believe in God. Baby, I did not say that. God has always been at the forefront of spirituality before religion was there. He has been called many different names, but he's always the same. I don't care what religion you are, he's the same.
SPEAKER_04A lot of what they're doing now, and they're thinking very well to work out. And then trying to relate to the agenda and so far with what we're supposed to be doing is a thing.
SPEAKER_01They're about to perfect correctly manipulating that word like they do. They really do. And and I had to say that it's a lot of people that's religious that do it. They the one that manipulate that word and try to change it into something negative. And when it's not.
SPEAKER_04And when I talk to my children, I think I would like to think about reading a word in the book. No, I didn't put the history around that point. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
unknownNo, that's not what we're doing up in here.
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. But I just want to just get back to um having oh no, no, no, no, no. Your resilience. You your strength, your power, being able to take all of those back, especially your power and becoming very resilient and getting out here and educating other women and some men on how to get their life back on track and how to live without their perpetrator. Yes, it's it takes time. Is yes, it's not a it's not a microwave situation where you can just go pop it in the microwave and it's all perfect. No, it takes a lot. It takes a lot, it takes you being able to learn skill sets. Yeah, because they took that from you.
SPEAKER_04It takes celebrating not today and not trying to talk to nobody and just focusing on me myself and recharging everything that they're trained.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but it is, and it is, and it's greener. Yes. Well, that taking that breath of fresh air, taking another breath, and it just feels different. It's not filled with anxiety and pressure. It's not weighing on you, you're breathing a sigh of relief because freedom is it, yes, you're having to let you're out, you you're in a different comfort area, you're somewhere where it's nicer and it's so peaceful. And like you said, you see butterflies. Oh, ain't no butterflies be in the snow. Fancy that, or just seeing how nature really is, so how beautiful nature really is. Being able to just go out there and ground yourself, find your center, is like the whole Namaste. Yes, and just being able to sit and meditate and be thankful for the things that you have, the strength that you were able to regain, how you were able to rebuild your life and your children's lives, that is what takes time, and it feels so different and it's so comforting, and you're able to lay down at night without a care in the world. You'd be like, damn, I didn't realize how comfortable this bed was, or how you know, just damn. I never knew I could lay next to someone to be comfortable in because that was something that was taken from me.
unknownI would always be on edge and I like it.
SPEAKER_01I'll popped up night. Right.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, becoming one, body, spirit connection becoming one to be able to appreciate things that I could not appreciate before.
SPEAKER_01I did that with people as well. Yes, ma'am. And you're not in that fight or flight stage, and it's so comforting not to be in that stage, and that's what I have with my husband. Oh my god. I can, baby. When he he tell me, he said, baby, you just be talking in your sleeve. I like I do. I'm like, okay. What we talked about? What we talk about? He'd be like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03Right. I'm like, honey, I've never been at control with somebody before.
SPEAKER_04It was always one that feels that or whatever.
SPEAKER_00They have.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, I get it. Right.
SPEAKER_04It's something that you really have to be.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and you gotta be, yeah, and you have to have that about you, and also children, little children before they get to a certain age, children are the eyes of the world. And when a child tells you something, listen. Because they see something that we don't see, that innocence that they have, they can see a person for who they truly are, and then sometimes if we take the time and we heal, you're able to look into that person's eyes and see their soul. You can see a person that's soulless, and you can see a person that has that means you know good. You can see all of that because they're gonna try like hell to cover it up, but once you get in tune with yourself, you find it, and you're able to recognize it so easily now. And I just like you know, I sit back, even like in my job, I have a my friend, she tells me, Oh, she said, when we first met, she's like, your face was like, and I'm and you know, it does that automatically, and I was like, okay, I said, because one, I have to fail people out, so usually I'm gonna be the quietest in the room, and actually I'm very bashful, I'm an introvert, but you can't tell, honey. You can't tell because once you get to know it like like this, this is passion, this is my passion. This is what I mean. I want to get the word out on she speaks, and I saw there were so many different she speaks. I was like, Well uh we're gonna do set she speaks with saying because this is a whole different caliber. And I and I just like you know, she was like, girl, you are one of the coolest, realest persons I know. I said, Yeah, I had to get to know you because I have been pe tried to be friends with people, and they actually own we were only friends when it benefited them. It wasn't a mutual friendship, but I uh I I'm so happy that I was able to get into relationships and with females where we have a mutual friendship. Because I'm gonna be honest with some women that's going through domestic violence, when they're they're picking men like they trick, they picking women like they're picking their men, toxic women as friends, and they don't know how to appreciate true sisterhood, and that's because that's something they haven't been taught, and and there's something like they will get to experience during their healing process, that and that during that healing process as well, they're gonna grow out of relationships with people that they may have known their whole life, including their family. Yeah, and you know, a lot of people say, Well, I don't want to turn my back on my family. Sometimes toxic situations, you have to remove yourself from it to continue your growth. You out, you outgrow every type of relationship, and that includes the ones that you were born to, and that way the family that you make you teach better, you break those curses with them. But uh yes, it has been a great pleasure talking to you. Yes, ma'am. I love it, love it, love it. You're gonna have to come back and visit me again. We're gonna have to and we can just share our story, we can help. I think you know, being a united front and we come together, we can help heal a lot of women. And we have to go by for my domestic violence page. Oh, yes, ma'am. You gotta report for the domestic violence page.
unknownI think that would be awesome because I gotta bring you on because you're amazing.
SPEAKER_01Well, thank you, thank you, thank you. And I try to be, I try to be real and as authentic as I can. Um, and this is like in my sorority. I have a sorority that's non-collegiate. And one of my key, my core things, my one of my core um words is authenticity. You know, my I my core values is grace, integrity, and authenticity. Be show grace to someone else because you never know the situation they may be in. Stand in your integrity. Your word is your bond. Let it be that people can depend on you when you're talking. Because if they can't depend on you, they won't follow you, they will turn away from you, and always be authentically you be yourself, yes, ma'am. And that's what I try to live. That is how I live my life every day to those three core values, and I want to share that with everybody if I can. But I definitely want to become on your page and we can do a live together, and we can, you know, help heal some women, help answer some questions. We have some QA time. We can definitely do that because we met in a group, and you know, and we we're trying to help, yes, ma'am. We met, and I tell people, you know, it's okay to be in a lot of groups as long as you are being proactive in those groups, be able to make a difference, meeting you, ma'am, talking to you, ma'am. You have shared a new life of myself, and I would like I said, I would love to do this again with you. You're fun, you you're very, you're knowledgeable, and you're a survivor, and you kick ass. Thank you, thank you. You know, you know, shoot up, but I'm only doing the thing that's all I carry. Cause I got a double barrel with your name on it if you come in here.
unknownYou call me the kitchen. I gotta go to the I got a family in Savannah. I don't know how to shoe shot, but I've always wanted to know.
SPEAKER_01Well, we can get there and do it together. We can go and then you know at the gun range, they have different guns that you can um try. We're gonna try it. We'll try. I'm gonna tell you now. Um I'm gonna let you know. Baby, and they got some kickbags because I'm gonna tell you, uh me and my husband was at the range, and my I had my rotor recover saw, but I was still in there, baby. I'm I'm gonna tell you, I'm wing was injured, but I can still hit baby. Can still hit target, still hit target. My husband's like, damn, baby. I said, baby, I got I'm a box full of, I got all types of fun treats in there. I ain't got no tricks, baby. These are the treats I got in this box. But yes, I would love to connect with you again. Um, just you know, you have my email address, I have your email address, we can correspond. My phone number is even attached to my email address, so you just say I can email you mine, and then that way we can lock each other. Yes, definitely. Oh heck yes! It's a bronze, yes, ma'am.
unknownI'm sure that we would not like that.
SPEAKER_01Yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am. I think we'll do and um yeah we can get locked in. Well, thank you so much, Nikki, to visiting to come and to speak. Well, when she speaks with San. Everybody once again. This is Nikki Davis, and she is now my forever sister. We are sisters from another Mr. and another missus, and we are locked in to get you educated, have you finding your strength, have you to help you rebuild your life? It all it takes is a small community, and we hear the bill brick by brick. That is good night for now.