"A 'movie for your ears,' with immersive soundscapes, music and the kind of engaging performances that would be at home in a big-budget theatrical release." — Illinois Times
HORROR COMEDY | FULL-CAST AUDIO DRAMA | NEW EPISODES EVERY SATURDAY THROUGH OCTOBER 24 — START WITH EPISODE 1
A snarky, entitled emo musician inherits his parents' farm and discovers a bottomless pit that grants wishes — but only when suckers are chucked in. Now his WILDEST DREAMS are just a few "accidents" away.
Today, Ned Fischer's precious little life pretty much crapped the bed: Dumped by his girl, booted from Mothers of Misery, and let go by his boss who is a "Dickless dick." "Could this day get any worse?," he moans. RING RING. – Mom and Dad's plane went down. No survivors. Everything is upside down.
Back in the Midwest to settle his affairs (ugh), he finds a liminal creepy farmhouse, a cousin with golden retriever energy, oh... and a BOTTOMLESS PIT to HELL in the middle of the corn field! At least drinks are cheap at The Busted Bottle.
Things go from bad to PLEASE STOP. After a freak "accident" involving the hole, (YIKES) a dark wish comes true. That's when an old-timey stranger in a vintage suit turns up with advice Ned didn't ask for. Ned rekindles some sparks with his old crush, Lenore... who just happens to have a boyfriend the size of a tank. Drowning in sorrows and not afraid to tell everyone, Ned turns to the town psychic. Moonglow doesn't have enough sage to ward off this Emo boy's DEMONS... which are freaking REAL and stalking him at night.
Can atheists go to hell? Ned's probably going to find out.
Darkly funny and viciously satirical, ILLINOIS HELL HOLE is a supernatural fable about ego, and the price of getting something for nothing.
Nine episodes. Full cast. Immersive soundscapes. Best on headphones.
"This is in my top 10 audio dramas. It's such a good story, you will not be able to put it down." — Dylan from Horror.Kult
For fans of What We Do in the Shadows, Beetlejuice, Tucker & Dale vs Evil, Army of Darkness, and The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror.
Originally broadcast on NPR Illinois 91.9 FM.
Contains strong language and occasional violence.
CAST & CREW Written and directed by Matt Brookens
Corey Burton — Narrator (Count Dooku from Star Wars, Transformers, Disney) Daran Norris — Rabin (The Fairly OddParents, Team America) Matt Brookens — Ned Reggie Guyton — Moose Meghan M. McDonough — Lenore (The Ice Harvest) Keith Compton — Rucker Kassandra Escandell — Moonglow John LaFlamboy — Bill / Satan (Hell's Gate Haunted House) Nitin Sil — Hortense Goodbody (Flashpoint History) Maria Libri — Sheryl Doug Lussenhop — Gary (Tim & Eric, Office Hours) Jeska Bailey Forsyth — Sheena / Buella Guy Forsyth — Roberto / Fred Mindy Turano — Mother / Macy / Nora Jeff Williams — Bathrobe Guy / Driver Patrick Russell — Ned's Dad / Banker Gina DeCroix Russell — Ned's Mom / Wendy
Brian Magrum — Sound Mixer Adam Kunselman — Editor
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Illinois Hell Hole is a nine-episode supernatural horror comedy audio drama, originally broadcast on NPR Illinois 91.9 FM.
All nine episodes are complete. New episodes every Saturday through October 24, with the full feature-length Movie Cut on Halloween.
IN THIS EPISODE: Ned runs into Lenore Brooks at the Busted Bottle, the crush he never had the stones to ask out. She has a boyfriend now. He has a farm he's about to lose.
Out in the corn, Ned finds a hole. Twenty feet across, perfectly round, and no bottom. When the bank sends a man to repossess the farm, Ned makes a wish out loud — and that night, under a super blood moon, something climbs back out.
In this episode: Corey Burton as your Narrator. Daran Norris as Rabin. Matt Brookens as Ned. Reggie Guyton as Moose. Meghan M. McDonough as Lenore. Keith Compton as Rucker. Maria Libri as Sheryl. John LaFlamboy as the Bill Collector.
Written, directed, and produced by Matt Brookens. Sound mixer: Brian Magrum. Editor: Adam Kunselman.
Rate and review wherever you're listening. It's free, it takes a minute, and it's what gets new listeners to take a chance on an independent show.
Illinois Hell Hole
A Movie for Your Ears
A snarky, entitled Emo musician inherits his parents' farm, discovering a bottomless pit that grants wishes… but only when people are chucked in. Now his wildest dreams are just a few dead bodies away!
A feature-length horror/comedy full-cast ASMR immersive audio extravaganza by Matt Brookens — starring Daran Norris(The Fairly OddParents), Corey Burton(Star Wars, Disney) and Meghan McDonough(Dark Matter).
As featured by
NPR Illinois, Illinois Times, Horror.Kult
SPEAKER_05
Illinois Hellhole, starring Darren Norris and Corey Burton, was written and directed by me, Matt Brookens, and originally broadcast on NPR Illinois 91.9 FL. Previously on Illinois Hell Hole. The year 1939. Raven Masterson's dead decaying mother came to his door and threw him down a hole in the cornfield. 90-some years later, Emo boy Ed Fisher loses his girlfriend, his band, and his job in a single afternoon. Uh, could this day get any worse? And then sadly, both his parents. He came home to Illinois to find his cousin Moose on the couch. And a family farm buried in debt.
SPEAKER_03
Matt Brookins presents Illinois Hellhole. Moose and Ned are hunkered down on stools in this small-town diner that doubles as a bar. It's got fish mounted on the walls, and a bunch of Abe Lincoln art. There's an old Pac-Man machine and a bunch of Route 66 signs. Cheryl, the owner and bartender, a babycious woman in her late 40s, approaches.
SPEAKER_04
What are you having, guys?
SPEAKER_05
Two bullet rides with soda in a line. Hey, drinks on me. Thanks, cuz. Got my last paycheck from your parents a couple weeks ago. Ah, I'm gonna pay you to help around the farm. One last harvest, right? Seriously? Cuz you're a lifesaver. No biggie. And another thing. No more sleeping on the couch. Move into my old room. What? Yes! Don't mind the stains. Oh, can I ask one more huge thing? Will you please teach me how to play that dope ass scent? Sure, man. You just save some of the ladies for me. Hell yeah. You never had trouble with the ladies. Remember the last time we went on that hike with Lenore and it started raining? Whole trail was pretty much a giant lake. We got into that huge mud fight. I don't think I ever laughed so hard when you hit Lenore with that mud ball in her precious, perfect hair. Yeah. Yeah, she definitely got me back though. And put you in a headlock till you cried and made her say, I'm a little fancy lad. Alright, alright, anyway. So funny you brought that up. I always had this huge crush on her.
SPEAKER_01
Had a huge crush on who?
SPEAKER_03
Lenore. A blonde-haired, blue-eyed, voluptuous dame in jeans, squeezes between the two. Oh. Speak of the devil.
SPEAKER_01
I asked you a question, Ned Fisher. Who'd you have a huge crush on?
SPEAKER_05
Oh, well, I um uh. You, uh some hottie named Lenore. Always totally out of my league, you know, cheerleader and all that stuff.
SPEAKER_01
Well, maybe if you ever had the balls to ask her out, things might have been different. I guess we'll never know. That sounds like a dare, Nettie.
SPEAKER_05
To old friends and big stones.
SPEAKER_03
They all slug one back.
SPEAKER_01
Oh, Ned. I know why you're in town. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry about your parents.
SPEAKER_05
Thanks. Me too.
SPEAKER_01
Your mom was always so kind to me, always trying to sell me on your virtues.
SPEAKER_05
Oh, sure, like um my uh fashion sense.
SPEAKER_03
Lenore's laugh prompts a large hunk of man meat, Rucker, to slide up to the conversation. He puts his arm around Lenore possessively.
SPEAKER_02
Look at this guy! Somebody say Betelgeuse three times or some shit.
SPEAKER_01
Oh, this chiseled Greek god is my boyfriend, Rucker.
SPEAKER_02
Ah, because of course. Lenore joshes me all the time about working out with the guys. Great to meet you, Rocker. Likewise, Ned, I'm so sorry for your loss.
SPEAKER_05
Wow! That is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever said to me.
unknown
Ha ha ha!
SPEAKER_01
Well, Ned, great to see you. Hugs. I missed you.
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
SPEAKER_01
Come on, hot stuff, let's dance.
SPEAKER_03
Copy that. Lenore shimmies out to the floor. Her unique, bedazzled shoes catch the light. She dances all over the reluctant rucker, dogging and grinding. It seems like she's doing it for Ned to watch. Wow. Then she starts twerking.
SPEAKER_00
Whoa.
SPEAKER_03
You know, it's great to see her.
SPEAKER_05
Damn! She's a real big realtor out here. Yeah, but look at that. Always helping with the homeless, too. Delicious. A couple years back, they gave her the key to the city.
SPEAKER_03
It's a sunny day on the farm. Ned is dressed full vampire with a feathered top hat. He yanks levers on the tractor. Trying to go forward, he goes backward. He gets off the tractor to inspect how it's planting corn, realizes it's driving away, chases it, stumbling. He leaps for the tractor and misses. Tries again, makes it, but he's facing backwards. Okay. Ned turns around, but his hat has fallen over his eyes. Suddenly the tractor lurches forward with the nose dropping hard. Ned slams on the brakes.
SPEAKER_00
Holy shit!
SPEAKER_03
The tractor has driven front first over the edge of a huge deep hole in the field. The hole is about 20 feet in diameter and perfectly round. It has no bottom visible.
Ned manages to pull away from the edge a bit. He hops out and walks up to inspect. Sure enough, it's a bottomless pit. What the hell? Hello! Hello, Ned.
SPEAKER_00
Oh shit! Who the f are you?
SPEAKER_03
Ned turns to find Bill, a cheap-suited bespectacled man with neat hair.
SPEAKER_04
Looks like you got quite the sinkhole here, huh? We'll have to deduct that from the value of the land. The what now? Beg your pardon, Bill Mayors. I'm here to let you know that I am sorry for the passing of your parents. They hated me, but uh they were always kind. Offered me lemonade and cookies every time I stopped by. Which was frequently. I don't have any cookies. I didn't expect any. Listen, guy, your parents owed First Bank of Springfield quite a lot of money. And it's actually delinquent by six months. I'm afraid I'm here to repossess the farm.
SPEAKER_05
I thought we had more time. I mean, I just planted all this corn. People love corn. You you can't take their corn.
SPEAKER_04
Unless you could sell that corn for half a million dollars. I'm afraid you better just sign over the farm. Otherwise, it's gonna get ugly with the sheriff coming out, and let's just get this signing done with, shall we?
SPEAKER_03
Bill has produced a stack of papers in a folder and a pen.
SPEAKER_04
You know what? This is just par for the course. Exactly. Best not to think about it. Here. You have to sign at every X, and then initial it here, and here, and here.
SPEAKER_05
This farm's been in my family for generations.
SPEAKER_04
Well, that all ends today. Look, you're a smart kid. You're not gonna make the same bone-headed mistakes mom and pop did, are you? Hopefully you're on to a great career out there in LA. Well, I was in a band, but they kicked me out. Oh of course you were. But your job? I mean I was fired. Well, hey, no. Hey. At least now you're free. You're free to go back and uh win a Grammy or something, huh?
SPEAKER_05
I wish my parents never got into debt.
SPEAKER_04
Quite an echo in there. Huh. It didn't echo for me. Even the holes around here don't work, I guess.
SPEAKER_03
Suddenly a gust of wind blows the papers everywhere. Bill begins comically snatching the papers out of the wind. He whirls and leaps.
SPEAKER_06
Come on now!
SPEAKER_03
Ned pretends to help, but just stands there. Darn. Oh, there it goes.
SPEAKER_04
Get up here! Gotcha! Got you, you little settler!
SPEAKER_03
Bill falls into the hole, but grabs the edge, clinging there.
SPEAKER_04
Dude! Well don't just stare at me, dumbass! Hello!
SPEAKER_03
Ned hesitates just for a second. Um he reaches toward Bill when suddenly Bill loses his grip and drops down into the pit. Oh shit. Inside the farmhouse that evening, Moose is playing bass guitar. He's live streaming a slappy solo to his phone on a tripod.
SPEAKER_05
Moose, if somebody accidentally dies and you know about it, but you don't report it, can you get into trouble? Whoa, I'm live streaming colors. Uh I uh probably I don't know. What kind of accident? Why do you hey? I don't ask you about your business. Well, good night. Yeah. Good night.
SPEAKER_03
He looks around his dead parents' room and focuses on a family photo with them.
SPEAKER_05
Well, yes, besides go to church. And pray, yes, dad, no. Got that one. Uh-huh. I don't see how getting a haircut's gonna help. Just seriously? I like my nail polish.
SPEAKER_03
Meanwhile, at the hellhole, the farmhouse sits forlorn in the distance as clouds unveil a huge full moon with a blood-red tint. The super blood moon. From the deep dark hole, a distant scream emanates. Suddenly a man shoots straight up in the air, out of the hole. He loses momentum and lands in the dirt. Raben from the 1930s is still wearing his plaid suit and newsies cap. He inspects the dirt, kisses it, and leaps to his feet. I'm back? I'm back! He looks around, dusting off his clothes. Raben has thick gold bracelets on each wrist, which glint in the moonlight. He looks at the farm, the moon, and then turns back to the hole. Fear overtakes him. He falls, backing away as sounds of distant torment emanate, and a flicker of sparks rise from the pit. Picking himself up in haste.
SPEAKER_06
I'm back! Happy days are here again! Yes, I'm back, baby. And I ain't never going back.
SPEAKER_03
He scrambles off toward the road.
SPEAKER_05
Stay tuned next time on Illinois Hellho. The bank comes back with news that just doesn't add up. Ill's widow has crying questions for Ned. And there's a stranger in Springfield. A stranger who can't stop eating and who can't run out of money. All this and all on Illinois Hellhole. Stay tuned. If you're enjoying Illinois Hellhole, the best thing you can do would be to leave a rating and a review wherever you're listening. It's free, it takes about a minute, and it's what makes new listeners take a chance on a show like this one. We're indie and we need your support. By the way, you can contribute at my Patreon at patreon.com slash Matt Brookens. That's B R O O K-E-N S. Thanks, guys. Fun fact here, uh Bill the Bill Collector was played by John McFlamboy, who has built the most incredible haunted house in Illinois. It's by far the best in the Midwest. It's called Hellsgate Haunted House. And if you're anywhere near Lockport this fall, you gotta go and get scared in person. He goes all out. And this place is insane. So scary. Illinois Hellhole episode two stars Corey Burton as your narrator, Darren Norris as Raven, Matt Brookens as Ned, Reggie Guyton as Moose, Megan Maureen McDonough as Lenore, Keith Compton as Rucker, Maria Libri as Cheryl, and John LaFlamboy as Bill the Bill Collector. Soundmixer Brian Magram, editor Adam Kunzelman, written and directed and produced by me, Matt Brookens.
