WEBVTT 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:03.919 Some might find this hard to believe, but I played basketball in high school. 00:00:04.799 --> 00:00:09.119 I remember the locker room almost as clearly as I remember the games. 00:00:09.759 --> 00:00:20.320 The metal door slamming, the wet towels, the smell, which was a complicated blend of sweat, deodorant, and really nasty gym bags. 00:00:21.199 --> 00:00:22.719 I remember the jokes too. 00:00:23.120 --> 00:00:29.600 And the slurs, sissy, early boy, homo, or even F-A-G-G-O-T. 00:00:31.039 --> 00:00:34.479 They were tossed around casually quite a bit back in the 80s. 00:00:34.960 --> 00:00:42.240 And occasionally they were directed at me, but sometimes at another player, a kid in school, sometimes at nobody in particular. 00:00:42.880 --> 00:00:47.920 And that was almost worse because when you aren't out, you hear those words differently. 00:00:48.479 --> 00:00:55.520 I remember just keeping my head down, not making eye contact, and praying that no one would suspect anything. 00:00:57.200 --> 00:00:59.200 Everybody else laughs and moves on. 00:00:59.920 --> 00:01:02.640 You laugh too, or pretend you didn't hear it. 00:01:02.799 --> 00:01:05.200 But part of you stays behind. 00:01:09.359 --> 00:01:13.040 If they knew my deepest thoughts, would they still pass me the ball? 00:01:13.519 --> 00:01:15.599 Would they still change beside me? 00:01:16.079 --> 00:01:17.840 Would I still be one of them? 00:01:18.560 --> 00:01:20.480 You don't ask those questions out loud. 00:01:21.120 --> 00:01:22.959 You carry them around all day. 00:01:23.760 --> 00:01:26.560 And carrying them becomes its own kind of injury. 00:01:27.280 --> 00:01:30.159 There is no bruise to point to or angle to wrap. 00:01:30.560 --> 00:01:33.040 Nothing you can show the coach and say this is where it hurts. 00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:34.560 You simply keep playing. 00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:37.760 Now imagine doing that in the NBA. 00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:44.319 Seven feet tall, which already makes privacy something of a theoretical concept. 00:01:44.560 --> 00:01:52.319 You're surrounded by cameras, reporters, thousands of fans and teammates who know exactly how you move on a basketball court. 00:01:53.200 --> 00:02:01.599 They know how you defend, they know how hard you set a screen, they know whether you snore on the team playing. 00:02:01.920 --> 00:02:06.719 But they don't know one of the most basic truths about you. 00:02:07.359 --> 00:02:10.719 For years, Jason Collins lived that life. 00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:15.759 Then, late in his career, he chose an unusual number for the back of his jersey. 00:02:16.479 --> 00:02:17.280 98. 00:02:18.159 --> 00:02:20.800 To most people, it was just a number. 00:02:21.199 --> 00:02:25.360 To Jason, it was a memorial, a signal. 00:02:26.000 --> 00:02:28.879 And for a while, a secret. 00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:44.400 I'm Stan Statig, and this is The Secret Is Out. 00:02:50.000 --> 00:02:55.919 Jason Paul Collins was born in Los Angeles on December 2nd, 1978. 00:02:56.639 --> 00:03:00.800 Eight minutes later, his identical twin brother Jaren arrived. 00:03:01.120 --> 00:03:04.000 Their parents had expected one baby. 00:03:04.240 --> 00:03:11.199 The doctor announced a healthy son, and then a nurse essentially said, let's not close out the account just yet. 00:03:11.520 --> 00:03:17.439 Jason would later joke that as the older brother, he had been looking out for Jaren ever since. 00:03:17.759 --> 00:03:23.439 Eight minutes is not much seniority, but when you're a twin, apparently you use what you have. 00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:26.879 The brothers grew up in the San Fernando Valley. 00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:36.400 They shared a face, extraordinary height, and an ability to make a basketball rim seem much less ambitious than it does to the rest of us. 00:03:37.039 --> 00:03:42.479 At Harvard Westlake, they helped turn the school into a California basketball power. 00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:46.080 The team won back-to-back state championships. 00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:50.560 Jason finished high school with 1,500 rebounds. 00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:54.800 At the time, more than any other California high school player on record. 00:03:55.280 --> 00:03:59.199 Both brothers went to Stanford and both eventually reached the NBA. 00:03:59.360 --> 00:04:03.280 From the outside, their lives appeared to run on parallel tracks. 00:04:03.520 --> 00:04:09.360 But at about 12, Jason began to notice a difference that had nothing to do with basketball. 00:04:09.680 --> 00:04:11.680 Jared was attracted to girls. 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:13.360 Jason wasn't. 00:04:13.680 --> 00:04:18.959 Jason knew he was drawn to boys, but he did what many of us want to do. 00:04:19.199 --> 00:04:21.680 He tried not to look directly at it. 00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:24.160 I understand that kind of avoidance. 00:04:24.319 --> 00:04:35.199 For much of my life, I believed that if I arranged everything carefully enough, faith, marriage, children, work, music, the truth might eventually rearrange itself too. 00:04:35.439 --> 00:04:40.399 You don't necessarily wake up each morning and announce, today I will live alive. 00:04:40.720 --> 00:04:42.240 It is quieter than that. 00:04:42.399 --> 00:04:44.959 You tell yourself you are still figuring things out. 00:04:45.120 --> 00:04:46.480 You'll deal with it later. 00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:48.240 You just need more time. 00:04:48.720 --> 00:04:55.120 So I dated girls, watched porn with my fraternity brothers in college and pretended to enjoy it. 00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:59.839 I watched and played sports that I cared nothing about just to appear more manly. 00:05:00.160 --> 00:05:03.519 Then years passed and you aren't even sure who you really are. 00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:10.319 For Jason, the secret followed him from high school to Stanford and then into professional basketball. 00:05:10.560 --> 00:05:15.120 The twin who shared his space still did not know the person behind it. 00:05:16.079 --> 00:05:21.519 At Stanford, injuries limited Jason, but when he played, he was remarkably efficient. 00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:28.800 He finished his college career making 60.8% of his shots, a school record that still stands. 00:05:29.439 --> 00:05:36.879 In the 2001 NBA draft, Houston selected him with the 18th pick and traded him to the New Jersey Nets. 00:05:37.040 --> 00:05:41.680 And the Nets reached the NBA finals in each of his first two seasons. 00:05:42.240 --> 00:05:44.720 Jason was not a glamorous player. 00:05:44.879 --> 00:05:45.839 He defended. 00:05:45.920 --> 00:05:57.199 He set screens, he took charges, he leaned all seven feet and 255 pounds of himself into people whose own job descriptions included the phrase, um, extremely large. 00:05:57.680 --> 00:06:01.279 His career scoring average was 3.6 points per game. 00:06:01.439 --> 00:06:03.600 His fouls had more inventory. 00:06:04.000 --> 00:06:11.680 During the 2004-5 season, he committed 322 of them, more than anyone else in the NBA. 00:06:12.160 --> 00:06:14.959 Jason was not ashamed of the role. 00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:22.480 He used to say that he entered the game with six hard fouls available, and apparently he considered it wasteful to leave inventory on the shelf. 00:06:22.879 --> 00:06:32.240 Over 13 seasons, he played for the Nets, Grizzlies, Timberwolves, Hawks, Celtics, and Wizards, and then returned to the Nets after they moved to Brooklyn. 00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:36.639 He was the kind of player coaches trust and casual fans forget. 00:06:37.040 --> 00:06:41.519 Stars need the ball, and Jason made room for the stars to use it. 00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:44.879 Inside the locker room, that earned him respect. 00:06:45.279 --> 00:06:48.000 It still did not make honesty feel safe. 00:06:48.240 --> 00:06:54.000 Jason heard the language that gay people often hear when everyone assumes there are no gay people in the room. 00:06:54.240 --> 00:07:02.879 The comments, the jokes, the lazy insults that get passed from one generation of athletes to the next like a very bad coaching drill. 00:07:03.360 --> 00:07:07.920 Most were not aimed at him because nobody knew. 00:07:08.240 --> 00:07:10.560 That did not make them harmless. 00:07:10.879 --> 00:07:14.720 When you were closeted, every slur carries information. 00:07:15.040 --> 00:07:18.800 It tells you what might happen if the room ever learns the truth. 00:07:19.120 --> 00:07:21.519 So you become a sort of editor. 00:07:21.839 --> 00:07:23.839 You are not free to be yourself. 00:07:24.079 --> 00:07:26.319 You change a pronoun before it leaves your mouth. 00:07:26.480 --> 00:07:28.399 You invent a reason you were somewhere. 00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:32.079 You monitor your face when someone mentions a handsome actor. 00:07:32.319 --> 00:07:37.360 Maybe you laugh when everyone else laughs, but the jokes stay with you in a personal way. 00:07:37.839 --> 00:07:39.279 Jason dated women. 00:07:39.439 --> 00:07:45.759 He had an eight-year relationship with former Stanford basketball player Carolyn Moose, and they became engaged. 00:07:46.000 --> 00:07:50.639 He later said he thought the right woman would make his confusing feelings disappear. 00:07:50.879 --> 00:07:52.800 It did not work that way. 00:07:53.120 --> 00:07:55.759 He called off the engagement in 2009. 00:07:55.920 --> 00:07:58.959 The relationship ended, but the secret remained. 00:07:59.199 --> 00:08:02.079 There were stretches when he would not date anyone at all. 00:08:02.319 --> 00:08:07.680 He stayed home with his German shepherd, Shadow, and made up stories about what he had done over the weekend. 00:08:08.160 --> 00:08:13.199 Imagine being surrounded by teammates, coaches, trainers, reporters, and fans. 00:08:13.439 --> 00:08:18.240 Then going home and relying on your dog to keep your personal life confidential. 00:08:18.560 --> 00:08:22.079 To be fair, I've always seen dogs as excellent confidants. 00:08:22.319 --> 00:08:25.680 Terrible with boundaries, but excellent with secrets. 00:08:26.319 --> 00:08:35.039 In October 1998, while Jason was at Stanford, 21-year-old Matthew Shepard was attacked outside Laramie, Wyoming. 00:08:35.279 --> 00:08:39.759 He was beaten, tied to a fence, and left in the cold. 00:08:40.080 --> 00:08:44.559 He was found almost 18 hours later and died on October 12th. 00:08:45.360 --> 00:08:51.039 Matthew's murder became one of the most notorious anti-gay hate crimes in American history. 00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:54.480 Jason remembered the fear of that moment. 00:08:55.360 --> 00:08:58.559 He was young, gay, and deeply closeted. 00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:02.240 He could not say publicly what Matthew's death meant to him. 00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:08.399 Years later, near the end of his career, Jason found a private way to say it. 00:09:08.720 --> 00:09:16.320 When he signed with Boston in 2012, he chose number 98, and then he kept it after he was traded to Washington. 00:09:16.559 --> 00:09:19.840 The number honored the year Matthew Shepard was killed. 00:09:20.080 --> 00:09:25.840 It also marked the year the Trevor Project was founded to provide crisis support for LGBTQ young people. 00:09:26.080 --> 00:09:28.480 So for Jason, it had a double meaning. 00:09:28.799 --> 00:09:34.639 Jason described the jersey as a statement to himself, his family, and the friends who knew. 00:09:35.279 --> 00:09:38.080 He was not wearing number 98 throughout his whole career. 00:09:38.240 --> 00:09:42.639 He chose it when he was getting closer to the truth, but had not yet made the truth public. 00:09:43.279 --> 00:09:45.679 He was speaking in code. 00:09:46.000 --> 00:09:50.080 And when you're closeted, sometimes code is all you can manage. 00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:57.200 A certain song, maybe a particular date, or a book you keep hidden in a drawer. 00:09:57.759 --> 00:10:04.000 Some small piece of your life that says, I am still here, even when you cannot say it any louder. 00:10:04.320 --> 00:10:10.240 The first serious crack in Jason's routine came during the 2011 NBA lockout. 00:10:10.480 --> 00:10:13.279 Basketball had always organized his life. 00:10:13.600 --> 00:10:16.879 Train, travel, practice, play, repeat. 00:10:17.120 --> 00:10:19.039 And then the schedule stopped. 00:10:19.279 --> 00:10:24.799 Without the game filling every available hour, Jason had to sit with himself. 00:10:25.360 --> 00:10:28.240 This is one of life's less charming habits. 00:10:28.480 --> 00:10:33.919 The minute you finally have free time, your unresolved issues decide to schedule a meeting. 00:10:34.399 --> 00:10:36.639 Jason began telling people. 00:10:42.639 --> 00:10:45.600 Jason had spent years preparing for shock. 00:10:45.919 --> 00:10:49.039 Her response was that she had known for years. 00:10:49.200 --> 00:10:56.080 He had been bracing for shock or even a judgmental reaction, and she took it completely in stride. 00:10:56.399 --> 00:10:59.279 I'm sure that was a very welcome surprise. 00:10:59.519 --> 00:11:03.759 In the summer of 2012, he told Jaron over breakfast. 00:11:04.080 --> 00:11:06.080 Jaron was stunned. 00:11:06.240 --> 00:11:09.440 His identical twin had no idea. 00:11:10.240 --> 00:11:13.519 By dinner, the surprise had given way to love. 00:11:13.919 --> 00:11:18.879 For the first time, Jason said his younger brother wanted to protect him. 00:11:19.519 --> 00:11:27.440 That same year, Jason learned that his former Stanford roommate, Joe Kennedy III, had marched in Boston's Pride Parade. 00:11:28.480 --> 00:11:30.159 Jason was proud of him. 00:11:30.399 --> 00:11:32.240 He was also jealous. 00:11:32.559 --> 00:11:36.320 Joe, a straight man, could march publicly for gay people. 00:11:36.720 --> 00:11:42.240 Jason was actually gay and did not believe he could safely stand on the sidewalk and cheer. 00:11:42.879 --> 00:11:51.360 I guess it makes sense because even at a large parade full of strangers, a seven-foot-tall NBA player might appear a bit conspicuous. 00:11:52.080 --> 00:11:54.559 Then came March 2013. 00:12:02.720 --> 00:12:10.080 Nine justices were debating the legal future of people like him, while Jason felt unable to say anything about his own. 00:12:10.559 --> 00:12:17.600 The following month, the Boston Marathon bombing reminded him that waiting for a perfect moment was another way of waiting forever. 00:12:18.399 --> 00:12:21.440 And he finally decided to raise his hand. 00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:28.559 On April 29th, 2013, Sports Illustrated published Jason's first-person essay. 00:12:29.200 --> 00:12:31.679 It opened with 12 plain words. 00:12:32.639 --> 00:12:37.919 I'm a 34-year-old NBA center, I'm black, and I'm gay. 00:12:38.639 --> 00:12:45.519 No long runway, no apology, no attempt to make himself smaller before anyone else could do it for him. 00:12:45.840 --> 00:12:51.679 At that moment, Jason had just finished the season with Washington and was entering free agency. 00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:57.840 He became the first active male athlete from any of the four biggest leagues to come out publicly. 00:12:58.320 --> 00:13:05.279 For any of my listeners who were not into sports games, that's men's pro basketball, football, baseball, and hockey. 00:13:05.679 --> 00:13:09.519 He still wanted another contract and he still intended to play. 00:13:09.759 --> 00:13:13.279 He also made it clear that he had not dreamed of being first. 00:13:13.600 --> 00:13:16.639 He wished somebody else had already done it. 00:13:17.200 --> 00:13:21.600 Nobody had, but he still felt like he needed to step up. 00:13:21.919 --> 00:13:25.039 It is worth remembering what 2013 felt like. 00:13:25.200 --> 00:13:28.480 The military had only recently ended Don't Ask, Don't Tell. 00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:38.480 Same-sex marriage was still unavailable in most of the country, and the Supreme Court was still two years away from issuing the decision that would make it legal nationwide. 00:13:38.879 --> 00:13:43.200 There had been openly gay women in elite sports for years. 00:13:43.440 --> 00:13:46.720 Women whose courage Jason openly credited. 00:13:46.960 --> 00:13:51.279 Former NBA player John Amici had come out, but after retiring. 00:13:52.080 --> 00:14:00.879 So no male athlete in those four leagues had publicly said, This is who I am, while still asking a general manager to put him on a roster. 00:14:01.120 --> 00:14:10.000 And it's worth noting he did it as a black man in a culture that often asked him to choose which part of himself the public was allowed to discuss. 00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:14.799 He placed basketball, race, and sexuality side by side. 00:14:15.039 --> 00:14:19.120 All three were true, and none canceled the others. 00:14:19.519 --> 00:14:21.440 The response came quickly. 00:14:21.679 --> 00:14:26.960 President Barack Obama called him and then told reporters he could not have been prouder. 00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:29.679 Bill Clinton released a statement of support. 00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:34.879 Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant, teammates, coaches, and the league spoke up. 00:14:35.200 --> 00:14:40.080 Jason had spent years believing honesty would cause his world to collapse. 00:14:40.320 --> 00:14:43.279 Instead, much of the world moved closer. 00:14:43.519 --> 00:14:45.039 Not everyone was gracious. 00:14:45.200 --> 00:14:59.279 There were hateful messages, religious condemnation and anxious discussion about locker rooms and showers, as though Jason had spent 12 NBA seasons standing fully dressed beside the sinks waiting for this policy question to be resolved. 00:14:59.679 --> 00:15:03.200 Anyway, his answer was wonderfully practical. 00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:06.639 He had already showered beside teammates for 12 years. 00:15:06.799 --> 00:15:09.279 His behavior had never been a problem. 00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:14.240 Knowing he was gay would not suddenly turn a locker room into an awkward situation. 00:15:14.720 --> 00:15:18.480 The deeper question was whether anyone would hire him again. 00:15:18.799 --> 00:15:25.919 Jason was 34, soon 35, and a backup center whose knees had a substantial employment history. 00:15:26.240 --> 00:15:30.159 The 2013-14 season began without him. 00:15:30.480 --> 00:15:32.879 Weeks passed, then months. 00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:36.960 Every unsigned veteran wonders why the phone is not ringing. 00:15:37.279 --> 00:15:43.200 Jason had the added pleasure of wondering whether the silence was basketball age or controversy. 00:15:43.600 --> 00:15:45.759 There was no clean way to know. 00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:50.639 That uncertainty is easy to smooth over now because we know what happened next. 00:15:50.960 --> 00:15:54.559 At the time, there was no guarantee that a team would call. 00:15:54.799 --> 00:15:56.559 Jason trained anyway. 00:15:57.039 --> 00:16:05.759 He ran the Santa Monica Mountains in a 30-pound vest with shadow beside him, preparing for a 13th season that might never arrive. 00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:09.200 That part of courage rarely gets the dramatic music. 00:16:09.440 --> 00:16:17.120 You tell the truth, the headlines move on, and then you wake up the next morning with the same body, the same bills, and no contract. 00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:20.879 Freedom does not come with any guarantees. 00:16:22.080 --> 00:16:28.240 On February 23rd, 2014, the Brooklyn Nets signed Jason to a 10-day contract. 00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:32.080 Brooklyn was the same franchise where his NBA career had begun. 00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:35.440 The head coach was Jason Kidd, his former teammate. 00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:39.200 That night, the Nets played the Lakers in Los Angeles. 00:16:39.679 --> 00:16:44.960 With 10 minutes and 28 seconds left in the second quarter, Collins checked into the game. 00:16:45.200 --> 00:16:47.600 There was applause, but no ceremony. 00:16:47.759 --> 00:16:51.519 Just a veteran walking to the scorers table and reporting for work. 00:16:51.919 --> 00:16:57.360 He played 10 minutes and 37 seconds, and he scored zero points. 00:16:57.759 --> 00:17:02.399 He grabbed two rebounds, made one steal, and committed five fouls. 00:17:02.639 --> 00:17:03.759 Attaboy Jason. 00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:05.359 Use him if you got him. 00:17:05.759 --> 00:17:14.079 Five fouls in under 11 minutes is not merely efficient, it suggests a man determined to use the entire allotment he was given. 00:17:14.400 --> 00:17:18.640 It was also a completely recognizable Jason Collins performance. 00:17:18.799 --> 00:17:20.640 That was what made it extraordinary. 00:17:20.799 --> 00:17:27.759 An openly gay man entered an NBA game, defended, rebounded, fouled nearly everybody available, and the game continued. 00:17:28.079 --> 00:17:32.079 For that first game, Brooklyn only had number 46 ready for him. 00:17:32.319 --> 00:17:35.200 By the next game, number 98 was back. 00:17:35.519 --> 00:17:41.519 Almost immediately, Collins' number 98 Brooklyn jersey became the top seller at the NBA store. 00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:44.480 Soon afterward, the Nets played in Denver. 00:17:44.640 --> 00:17:49.279 Matthew Shepard's parents, Judy and Dennis, and his brother Logan attended. 00:17:49.680 --> 00:17:53.200 Jason gave them signed number 98 jerseys. 00:17:53.440 --> 00:17:55.759 Then he entered the game and did what he did. 00:17:55.920 --> 00:18:01.119 In eight minutes, he scored a basket, had a free throw, and collected four fouls. 00:18:01.359 --> 00:18:05.759 Afterward, he laughed about getting them a bucket while still doing his usual fouling. 00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:08.720 The evening carried enormous symbolism. 00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:12.319 Jason did not need to make himself enormous inside it. 00:18:12.720 --> 00:18:16.720 He understood the history, made the joke, and went back to work. 00:18:17.519 --> 00:18:20.720 Jason retired in November 2014. 00:18:21.200 --> 00:18:24.960 He remained close to basketball as an NBA Carers ambassador. 00:18:25.119 --> 00:18:32.240 He worked with young athletes, supported LGBTQ organizations, and joined Point Foundation's honorary board. 00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:40.640 In 2025, at the men's final four in San Antonio, he helped lead an inclusion clinic for LGBTQ young people and allies. 00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:48.160 About 25 kids sat on the floor listening to a man who had once wondered whether there was room for him in the sport at all. 00:18:48.640 --> 00:18:52.000 Jason often spoke about holding the door open. 00:18:52.319 --> 00:18:54.400 Other athletes had opened it for him. 00:18:54.640 --> 00:19:02.640 Martina Navratilova, Billie Jean King, and many women who lived openly when men's professional leagues still treated the closet like part of the uniform. 00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:11.440 Jason believed his responsibility was to hold that door for whoever came next, at that person's pace and in that person's time. 00:19:11.920 --> 00:19:16.480 He also understood that progress is not a relay race with a neat handoff. 00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:26.799 A decade after his announcement, still, only one other active player in those four leagues, NFL defensive end Carl Nassib, had come out publicly. 00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:30.000 Jason did not scold the people who remained closeted. 00:19:30.160 --> 00:19:32.559 He knew better than most what fear can do. 00:19:32.799 --> 00:19:39.519 He listened, offered support, and reminded them that there would be a community waiting whenever they were ready. 00:19:39.759 --> 00:19:46.400 Visibility can change a culture, but nobody owes the public a confession before he feels safe enough to make it. 00:19:46.640 --> 00:19:48.079 Jason held the door. 00:19:48.319 --> 00:19:50.559 He did not drag people through it. 00:19:51.599 --> 00:19:54.799 Coming out is often described as one brave moment. 00:19:55.279 --> 00:19:56.240 Sometimes it is. 00:19:56.480 --> 00:19:59.920 More often, it is a long series of ordinary ones. 00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:09.680 The first honest conversation, the first time you stopped changing a pronoun, the first time you introduce the man you love as your boyfriend and hear the word come out of your own mouth. 00:20:09.920 --> 00:20:12.319 I remember doing that with my husband Troy. 00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:17.039 The word felt strange at first, almost like I had taken it from someone else's life. 00:20:17.279 --> 00:20:19.839 Then it began to feel wonderfully ordinary. 00:20:20.079 --> 00:20:23.599 That is one of the gifts people like Jason gave the rest of us. 00:20:23.839 --> 00:20:31.359 Not a life without consequences or instant acceptance, but something quieter and more useful. 00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:33.119 Evidence. 00:20:33.759 --> 00:20:36.400 Evidence that another life is possible. 00:20:36.799 --> 00:20:40.240 When I finally came out, ordinary moments surprised me. 00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:47.039 Sitting beside Troy over coffee, taking too many pictures of him because I liked the way he looked standing somewhere. 00:20:47.279 --> 00:20:50.640 Introducing him without constructing a sentence in my head first. 00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:53.920 For years, I thought freedom would feel dramatic. 00:20:54.079 --> 00:20:57.119 And most days it felt like not having to edit. 00:20:57.519 --> 00:21:01.440 That may be the most radical thing Jason Collins made visible. 00:21:01.680 --> 00:21:04.400 A gay life did not have to be scandalous. 00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:10.960 And contrary to the belief of some Pearl Clutchers, it isn't all orgies, drag brunches, and harnesses either. 00:21:11.200 --> 00:21:27.359 It could contain basketball practice, binging TV shows, walking dogs, boyfriends who become husbands, girlfriends who become wives, making sure kids get their homework done, and sometimes, if we're lucky, living long enough to grow old together. 00:21:27.680 --> 00:21:29.599 It could be a life. 00:21:30.799 --> 00:21:37.599 Jason met film producer Brunson Green in 2013, a few months after the Sports Illustrated essay. 00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:43.359 They met again later after Jason's brief first relationship had ended and built a life together. 00:21:43.599 --> 00:21:49.279 In May 2025, after more than a decade as a couple, they married in Austin. 00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:52.640 Think about the distance inside that sentence. 00:21:52.960 --> 00:21:59.039 Jason had once stayed home with his dog because he was afraid somebody might photograph him on a date with a man. 00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:05.119 And now He was standing openly beside the man he loved, surrounded by family and friends saying vows. 00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:08.079 There was no coded number required. 00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:13.519 He was simply there, seen, loved, and married. 00:22:14.799 --> 00:22:18.240 A few months later, something began to go wrong. 00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:22.480 In August, Jason struggled to pack for a trip to the U.S. 00:22:22.640 --> 00:22:23.279 Open. 00:22:23.599 --> 00:22:25.440 He could not focus. 00:22:25.759 --> 00:22:30.640 Then, he fell at home and could not work out how to get himself off the floor. 00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:36.319 In September, his family announced that he was undergoing treatment for a brain tumor. 00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:47.519 In December, Jason told the public exactly what it was: stage 4 glioblastoma, an aggressive cancer growing across the underside of his brain. 00:22:48.160 --> 00:22:54.799 He approached the disease with the same combination of realism, toughness, and concern for whoever might come next. 00:22:55.039 --> 00:23:03.039 He pursued experimental treatment and said that even if it did not save him, perhaps what doctors learned could help someone else. 00:23:03.519 --> 00:23:09.599 Even in describing the frightening day he fell at home and could not work out how to stand, Jason found a joke. 00:23:09.839 --> 00:23:16.559 Lying on the floor, he became determined that nobody was going to find him in some humiliating pose and write the wrong final headline. 00:23:17.359 --> 00:23:19.599 The humor did not deny the fear. 00:23:19.759 --> 00:23:22.400 It was how he stayed himself inside it. 00:23:23.200 --> 00:23:28.079 That sounds familiar to anyone who has used a joke to make a hard truth speakable. 00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:31.680 Sometimes humor is not an escape hatch. 00:23:31.920 --> 00:23:34.400 Sometimes it is a handrail. 00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:45.599 In May 2026, the Green Sports Alliance selected Jason as the first recipient of the Bill Walton Global Champion Award, recognizing people who use sport to create social change. 00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:48.079 Jason was too ill to attend. 00:23:48.400 --> 00:23:54.000 Jaron accepted it for him and called his brother the bravest, strongest man he had ever known. 00:23:55.039 --> 00:23:59.039 Six days later, on May 12th, Jason Collins died. 00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:01.920 He was only 47. 00:24:03.039 --> 00:24:14.079 He left behind Brunson, his parents, his twin brother, his extended family, and generations of athletes who inherited a different locker room because Jason had been willing to walk into it first. 00:24:16.319 --> 00:24:21.759 Long before Jason Collins told the world who he was, he had already told us something. 00:24:22.240 --> 00:24:25.119 Most of us simply didn't know how to read it. 00:24:25.759 --> 00:24:26.880 98. 00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:38.559 Before the sports illustrated cover or the call from the president or Brooklyn, before the wedding, most people did not know what it meant, but Jason knew. 00:24:38.880 --> 00:24:45.200 Sometimes, before we can tell the truth publicly, we find a small way to keep it alive privately. 00:24:45.759 --> 00:24:48.480 For Jason, it was a number on a jersey. 00:24:49.279 --> 00:24:57.039 For me, it was my love for planting flowers and being determined to do it, despite knowing my wife didn't think it was particularly manly. 00:24:57.279 --> 00:24:59.200 For others, it is something else. 00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:05.359 But it's a kind of promise to ourselves that we will not disappear entirely. 00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:08.960 I remember those high school locker rooms. 00:25:09.119 --> 00:25:14.480 I remember the jokes and the pressure to laugh so nobody would look too closely. 00:25:15.039 --> 00:25:18.160 When you're hiding, silence can feel like safety. 00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:21.440 But silence sends a bill. 00:25:22.079 --> 00:25:32.720 You pay for it by watching yourself, by editing your reactions, inventing stories, and laughing at things that hurt. 00:25:33.279 --> 00:25:36.720 Everybody else leaves the room and forgets what was said. 00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:41.119 You carry it around everywhere you go. 00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:49.359 Jason carried it through high school, Stanford, two NBA finals, six franchises, and hundreds of locker rooms. 00:25:51.359 --> 00:25:54.400 Then he stepped up and he told the truth. 00:25:55.200 --> 00:25:56.960 He was not fearless. 00:25:57.200 --> 00:26:00.960 He had simply decided fear had already taken enough. 00:26:03.359 --> 00:26:11.039 After his death, Point Foundation began raising money to establish the Jason Collins Scholarship for LGBTQ students. 00:26:12.079 --> 00:26:13.279 That feels right. 00:26:13.759 --> 00:26:19.680 A man who once wished somebody else had raised a hand first will help another young person raise theirs. 00:26:21.440 --> 00:26:26.960 98 began as a memorial to a young man whose life was taken by hate. 00:26:27.599 --> 00:26:31.920 Jason Collins carried that number until he was ready to explain it. 00:26:32.240 --> 00:26:36.880 For years, number 98 was a code almost nobody could read. 00:26:37.519 --> 00:26:42.559 Once Jason spoke his truth, the whole world learned the language. 00:26:51.839 --> 00:26:54.400 I sincerely hope you enjoyed this episode. 00:26:54.640 --> 00:27:00.640 If you did, please take a moment to follow The Secret Is Out and leave a rating or review. 00:27:00.880 --> 00:27:04.720 Those small things make a real difference in helping other people find it. 00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:09.680 And please share this episode with someone you think might benefit from hearing these stories. 00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:17.359 My sincere hope is that by sharing these stories of people who found their voice, others will find theirs. 00:27:18.559 --> 00:27:20.079 Thanks so much for listening. 00:27:20.240 --> 00:27:21.599 See you next time.