WEBVTT 00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:01.439 Well, good morning. 00:00:01.760 --> 00:00:06.160 Turn with me, if you will, to Ephesians chapter 5. 00:00:06.799 --> 00:00:08.800 Ephesians chapter 5. 00:00:09.679 --> 00:00:21.440 And today we will be looking at verses 22 through 33, which is all about the new relationship of wives and husbands. 00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:32.000 If you remember from previous studies, the Apostle Paul just got done telling the Ephesians that they have a new life in Christ. 00:00:32.159 --> 00:00:35.920 If you look back in chapter 4, verse 23. 00:00:36.719 --> 00:00:49.600 And since that point forward, Paul has been describing the kinds of attitudes, behaviors, the actions that we should be walking in as new creations. 00:00:50.479 --> 00:00:55.600 Now that I'm redeemed in Christ, how should I walk and talk? 00:00:56.240 --> 00:00:57.920 What things should I avoid? 00:00:58.079 --> 00:01:01.039 What kind of things should I partake in? 00:01:01.520 --> 00:01:14.159 He addresses all of that up to this point, and he ended in verse 21 by commanding the whole church to submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. 00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:21.280 And so with that key theme in mind, Paul will now transition to relationships. 00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:28.079 If we have a new life in Christ, how should that transform my relationships? 00:01:28.879 --> 00:01:34.400 How might that impact my marriage, my family, my employment? 00:01:35.200 --> 00:01:42.079 Today is the beginning of Paul's discourse on this subject. 00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:45.200 And it starts with marriage. 00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:57.519 And rightly so, because marriage is the most visible, intimate, and covenantal relationship in society, in the household. 00:01:58.239 --> 00:02:06.319 So before we dive into this passage, we need to first establish that what has been broken in marriage? 00:02:06.640 --> 00:02:11.120 How was marriage impacted when sin entered the world? 00:02:11.599 --> 00:02:15.039 And what was God's original design for marriage? 00:02:15.520 --> 00:02:29.840 So if we do not first understand God's original design for marriage and what original sin did to marriage, then this passage will, well, it'll be controversial to you. 00:02:30.080 --> 00:02:32.000 You will not understand it. 00:02:32.400 --> 00:02:41.759 So allow me for a moment to do the longest introduction of my life and set the stage by looking back in Genesis. 00:02:42.319 --> 00:02:48.960 So in Genesis 1, God created the whole universe and he called it good. 00:02:50.000 --> 00:02:57.199 Then in Genesis 2, God says, it's not good, it's not good for man to be alone. 00:02:57.439 --> 00:03:01.840 So I will make him a helper, suitable for him. 00:03:02.800 --> 00:03:10.240 And from Adam's rib, God created Eve, woman, and he made both man and woman in his image. 00:03:18.159 --> 00:03:30.879 And God created man, the husband, to lead, to be the leader, and he created woman from man to be his helper under his leadership. 00:03:31.280 --> 00:03:37.439 In Paul, by the way, he validates this normal reading in the New Testament. 00:03:37.599 --> 00:03:47.199 In 1 Corinthians chapter 11, verses 8 and 9, the Apostle Paul says, For man did not come from woman, but it was woman from man. 00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:52.719 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 00:03:53.840 --> 00:03:57.439 There are no interpretive issues here. 00:03:57.680 --> 00:04:17.600 It's very straightforward that God had this beautiful, original design that Adam would be the head and the leader of his wife, and that he would do that well, and that Eve would be his helper, suitable to help him under his leadership. 00:04:18.160 --> 00:04:24.480 So just to be clear, men and women are equal in value and in dignity before God. 00:04:24.560 --> 00:04:30.160 And there is only one salvation that applies to us all the same. 00:04:31.360 --> 00:04:44.000 But man and woman are created by God's design to fulfill distinct, complementary roles in marriage and in family and in church leadership. 00:04:44.319 --> 00:04:47.199 This is so clear in Scripture. 00:04:47.920 --> 00:04:53.439 However, Genesis 3 comes, and Adam and Eve they fall into sin. 00:04:53.839 --> 00:04:58.639 Sin enters the world and therefore sin enters their marriage. 00:04:58.959 --> 00:05:07.600 And God, after confronting them, he tells them, God tells them the curse that they have brought on themselves. 00:05:08.079 --> 00:05:12.000 And God shares with Eve how sin will now impact marriage. 00:05:12.240 --> 00:05:25.040 He says in Genesis 3.16, God tells Eve, Your desire now will be for your husband, but your husband will now rule over you. 00:05:26.399 --> 00:05:34.879 This verse right here describes how sin has broke God's original design for marriage. 00:05:35.040 --> 00:05:38.879 A lot of people miss this, and part of it's the Hebrew language. 00:05:39.199 --> 00:05:44.720 But the phrase, your desire for your husband, it's not positive. 00:05:45.519 --> 00:05:53.680 It's not like this cute Hallmark film where we say, oh, Eve's really gonna want to be with her husband. 00:05:54.160 --> 00:06:03.920 It means that Eve now, the wife now, because of sin, will have the craving for control and dominance. 00:06:04.160 --> 00:06:15.360 They will want to, like the fallen angels, leave their original, God-given position and purpose that's beautiful as the helper, and they will want to strive to be the leader. 00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:20.879 And the curse of the husband is mentioned as well, but he shall rule over you. 00:06:21.120 --> 00:06:30.399 This isn't talking about him lovingly, gently, godly leadership, where the husband is affectionately caring for and cherishing his wife. 00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:33.519 It's the idea of ruling harshly. 00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:40.639 The word rule there, you see it in the next chapter with Cain, where God says, I want you to rule over sin. 00:06:40.879 --> 00:06:44.480 It means to subdue, to put under your thumb. 00:06:45.920 --> 00:06:54.079 And so husbands now will rule harshly over their wives, abusively, neglectfully. 00:06:54.560 --> 00:06:58.639 It's the idea of putting someone under your grip. 00:06:59.120 --> 00:07:11.360 Husbands now, because of the curse, will have the craving to abuse and misuse their God-given authority as the head, to degrade and tear down their wife. 00:07:11.920 --> 00:07:20.720 And from that point on, from Genesis 3 forward, throughout biblical history, God's original design for marriage has been shattered. 00:07:20.959 --> 00:07:22.319 Look at history. 00:07:23.120 --> 00:07:26.240 Look at all of the domestic violence cases. 00:07:26.399 --> 00:07:29.120 Look at the roster in Knox County Jail. 00:07:29.199 --> 00:07:30.800 It will make you sick. 00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:40.240 Husbands are beating their wives, they're screaming at them, they're mistreating them, they're demanding them to take care of everything around the house. 00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:47.040 Husbands are being outright neglectful, emotionally and verbally, punishing their wives. 00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:53.120 They're doing the exact opposite of God's original design in Genesis 1 and 2. 00:07:53.279 --> 00:08:02.879 In many wives now, they're not supporting their husband, they're not helping, coming under their husband's leadership, which was their original design. 00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:10.319 They disrespect, they rebel against, they attempt to usurp the husband's authority. 00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:12.800 So now what do we have? 00:08:13.040 --> 00:08:17.759 We have tension and conflict caused by the fall in marriage. 00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:30.079 And both parties have abandoned their original design because sin has caused them to behave and act on their own selfish desires and instinct. 00:08:30.560 --> 00:08:38.000 Because of sin, we lost God's original intention for husband and wife. 00:08:38.559 --> 00:08:42.080 So what is Paul trying to do in this passage? 00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:53.200 He is trying to, through the new life that we have in Jesus Christ, redeem marriage by reversing the curse. 00:08:54.080 --> 00:09:18.320 Through Christ, we can be brought back to God's original design for marriage, that we might no longer live according to the curse, but engage in a redemptive marriage that is defined by love, respect, unity, overcoming the curses effect through the work of the Holy Spirit. 00:09:18.639 --> 00:09:39.039 And so it is my hope that God's word would bring us clarity today, church, as we look at his amazing design for husband and wife in marriage in Christ, and that through Christ our marriages would be redeemed and that they might be sanctified. 00:09:39.679 --> 00:10:19.840 So, Paul, after telling us about all the glories of God back in chapter one, after beautifully articulating the wonderful nature of our salvation in chapter two, after showing us God's purpose for the church in chapters three and four, and how we ought to live as new creations in chapters four and five, he now hones in on relationships and he starts with marriage and he starts with wives, and he says in verses 22 through 24, wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 00:10:20.240 --> 00:10:30.000 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 00:10:30.559 --> 00:10:39.200 Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 00:10:40.320 --> 00:10:48.399 Paul starts with a command to wives, submit to your own husbands. 00:10:48.720 --> 00:10:51.120 And this is not a solo command. 00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:24.879 In modern culture, the word, just the word submit, has this negative connotation. 00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:28.080 We hear that word and we cringe. 00:11:28.720 --> 00:11:29.039 Right? 00:11:29.200 --> 00:11:32.399 We think of a, you know, a wife in slavery. 00:11:32.559 --> 00:11:43.519 We uh imagine this uh jerk of a husband kind of barking around orders at his wife, telling her to get the dishes done and keep her mouth shut and get in the kitchen, right? 00:11:43.600 --> 00:11:50.879 It's like in our culture, submission is equated with oppression and abuse. 00:11:51.679 --> 00:11:59.679 But if we can get that unhelpful picture out of our heads for just a moment, I'll deal with abuse later. 00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:10.639 The word submit and submission in the Bible is actually a positive, beautiful, it's an amazing act that's esteemed in Scripture. 00:12:11.360 --> 00:12:18.399 The word in Greek, it literally means to rightly order oneself under authority. 00:12:19.200 --> 00:12:31.600 In Philippians chapter 2, if you guys read that chapter, we are told that through Jesus' submission, his submission to the Father, we have salvation. 00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:36.480 This word was often used kind of in military settings. 00:12:36.720 --> 00:12:43.759 It means to put yourself under an authority or a leadership that God has established. 00:12:43.919 --> 00:12:45.360 That is what it means. 00:12:45.600 --> 00:12:50.720 So submission, then, is not compliance to abuse. 00:12:51.039 --> 00:13:04.159 It is not losing your voice or your ability to make decisions, it is joyfully coming under an authority that God has sovereignly placed in your life. 00:13:04.720 --> 00:13:07.200 So wives are to submit to who? 00:13:07.360 --> 00:13:08.159 Look at the verse. 00:13:08.399 --> 00:13:11.600 Submit to your own husbands. 00:13:12.320 --> 00:13:21.200 In some cultures, it's actually normal for any man, like any man in that culture, to command any woman that he wants. 00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:28.240 So Paul rejects that idea and he limits the scope to marriage. 00:13:28.639 --> 00:13:32.559 Wives, you don't just submit to any man. 00:13:32.879 --> 00:13:42.240 You are called by God to come under the leadership of your husband, the one in whom you chose to become one flesh with. 00:13:42.799 --> 00:13:43.600 And how? 00:13:44.240 --> 00:13:45.919 How are wives to submit? 00:13:46.080 --> 00:13:46.879 They are to do this. 00:13:47.039 --> 00:13:50.559 Look at the end of verse 22, as to the Lord. 00:13:51.440 --> 00:14:02.240 In the same way, wife in the room, that you follow Jesus and you enjoy his leadership in your life, allowing him to guide you and lead you. 00:14:02.559 --> 00:14:06.559 Have that same attitude towards your husband. 00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:15.279 The motivation for coming under your husband's leadership is because it is the will of the Lord and it honors the Lord. 00:14:16.080 --> 00:14:18.080 And why does this honor the Lord? 00:14:18.320 --> 00:14:24.480 Because, Paul says in verse 23, the husband is the head of the wife. 00:14:25.039 --> 00:14:32.720 In other words, you are not merely honoring your husband's authority, you are actually honoring God's authority. 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:44.159 And just in case we're a little bit confused, like on what this means, Paul gives us a spiritual analogy to help us understand. 00:14:45.039 --> 00:14:56.080 In the same way that Christ is the head of the church, we would all say yes and amen to that, so the husband is the head of the wife. 00:14:58.080 --> 00:14:59.039 So think about this. 00:14:59.200 --> 00:15:12.399 Christ is responsible for the church, he is the source of life for the church, he is the sustainer of the church, and as Paul mentions here, he is the savior of the church. 00:15:12.720 --> 00:15:24.080 So, in a similar manner, the husband is the provider, he is the sustainer, he is the protector, he is the leader of his wife. 00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:30.559 Although the husband is not the wife's personal savior, we all know that. 00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:41.600 He is the head, meaning he is the one whom God has given responsibility to to lead, provide, and care for you, wife. 00:15:42.000 --> 00:15:48.879 And to make this analogy even more clear, Paul then points to the example of the church in verse 24. 00:15:49.600 --> 00:15:51.840 Paul says, look at the example of the church. 00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:59.600 If the church is gladly, joyfully seeking to submit themselves to Christ in the same way, right? 00:15:59.679 --> 00:16:06.000 It's an analogy, in the same way, wives should submit themselves to their husbands in everything. 00:16:06.480 --> 00:16:09.360 So this is a powerful analogy. 00:16:10.320 --> 00:16:28.960 Wives in the room, you have this amazing, God-given, essential task of supporting your husband, blessing his leadership by rightly ordering yourself under his authority. 00:16:30.320 --> 00:16:32.559 And listen, this is important. 00:16:32.960 --> 00:16:36.399 Your husband will make mistakes. 00:16:45.600 --> 00:16:47.840 Your husband will be foolish at times. 00:16:48.320 --> 00:16:52.720 He will often lead in a way that you don't fully agree with. 00:16:53.360 --> 00:16:59.519 But you don't come under his leadership because he deserves it or because you fully understand it. 00:17:00.000 --> 00:17:05.519 You do it because you are honoring God's original design for him and for you. 00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:24.319 And listen, your husband, this is important, wife, your husband will give an account before the Lord someday on how he led you, and his judgment will be much stricter since he is the head. 00:17:25.519 --> 00:17:27.039 Let me give you an example. 00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:35.440 Maybe your husband makes this authoritative decision that the whole family this Saturday is going to King's Island. 00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:43.279 He didn't ask for your counsel, the budget is low, guys are already in debt, and he's gonna make that decision. 00:17:43.759 --> 00:17:49.200 You notice he's kind of being compulsive, and frankly, you're upset about it. 00:17:49.519 --> 00:17:51.359 It makes you really upset. 00:17:51.759 --> 00:17:55.359 The unsubmissive wife will do one of two things. 00:17:55.680 --> 00:18:00.960 The unsubmissive wife will either rise up and say, We're not going. 00:18:02.160 --> 00:18:04.000 You didn't talk to me about it. 00:18:04.319 --> 00:18:08.720 This is a stupid decision, and I'll make the decision, not you. 00:18:09.839 --> 00:18:11.039 Dishonoring him. 00:18:11.599 --> 00:18:17.599 Or the unsubmissive wife will silently harbor bitterness. 00:18:17.759 --> 00:18:22.880 She goes along with the decision, but she will distance herself from him. 00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:26.160 She will not help him in his leadership. 00:18:26.400 --> 00:18:31.920 She's pulling the kids aside, telling them how dad's decision was stupid and foolish. 00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:40.400 But the submissive wife, the godly wife, will strategically pull her husband aside. 00:18:41.039 --> 00:18:52.720 She will help him process the decision that he's trying to make, and she will calmly and supportively and the power of the Holy Spirit say, Honey, do you think this is a good decision? 00:18:54.480 --> 00:19:02.480 Also, hey, I totally forgive you, but um, in the future, I would have loved to talk about this with you. 00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:07.599 I think it's a fun idea, you know, but maybe we should plan ahead. 00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:10.559 Maybe we should wait until our finances are better. 00:19:10.799 --> 00:19:16.799 Honey, I love you, I'm for you, I'm on your side, but that seems a little bit rash. 00:19:18.319 --> 00:19:22.240 That kind of response, wives, is transformative. 00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:27.680 You are actually helping your husband lead. 00:19:28.079 --> 00:19:32.400 You are gently, kindly providing feedback. 00:19:32.799 --> 00:20:02.559 And even if he decides to go after that, even after talking to him, he still has got his mind made up, the godly wife will say to herself, although I disagree with his decision, he's not causing me to sin, he's not abusing me, therefore I will forgive him of any mistakes, for he is a sinner like me, and perhaps there is something in this decision that is good that I cannot see that he can because he is the head of the home. 00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:08.880 Now, let me talk about what submission doesn't mean. 00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:16.400 The question we're all wondering submission doesn't mean complying to abuse. 00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:22.960 Wife, don't ever submit yourself to abuse. 00:20:23.680 --> 00:20:26.480 I know that's kind of a loose and subjective phrase. 00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:28.400 I don't have time to get into it. 00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:35.440 But if your husband is harming you, do not come under that aspect of his leadership. 00:20:35.759 --> 00:20:40.480 And submission does not mean allowing your husband to cause you to sin. 00:20:41.119 --> 00:20:46.960 Maybe your husband is, you know, handing you shots of alcohol, saying, honey, let's get drunk tonight, right? 00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:48.720 Don't submit to that. 00:20:49.279 --> 00:20:59.200 And submission doesn't mean that you can't speak up or give counsel or help make decisions or even, I dare say, push back. 00:20:59.759 --> 00:21:08.799 Sadly, there are a lot of Christian husbands out there that misapply this command to totally control and silence their wives. 00:21:09.119 --> 00:21:12.240 How tragic and how evil that is. 00:21:12.720 --> 00:21:14.400 What a power trip. 00:21:14.799 --> 00:21:17.279 Submission does not mean that at all. 00:21:17.519 --> 00:21:23.920 And just a side note, husbands in the room, you should welcome your wife's counsel. 00:21:24.160 --> 00:21:27.839 You should invite her critiques of your leadership. 00:21:28.079 --> 00:21:37.039 For her to do so is not a threat to her submission, nor is it a threat to your leadership, lest you're that insecure. 00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:41.839 So submission is not about control and micromanaging. 00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:45.680 It's not about allowing people to treat you like a doormat. 00:21:45.839 --> 00:21:47.759 It's not complying to abuse. 00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:58.559 Submission in the context of wives is a wife saying, I want to gladly be led by my husband because that's the way that God designed it. 00:21:58.880 --> 00:22:01.519 I want to Enjoy his leadership. 00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:03.519 I want to support him in it. 00:22:03.680 --> 00:22:06.960 I know he'll make mistakes because he's not perfect. 00:22:07.039 --> 00:22:10.799 And I know at times I'll be resistant because I'm not perfect. 00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:17.599 But I want to be what God originally created me to be as a wife. 00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:22.480 A helper of my husband for the glory of God. 00:22:24.079 --> 00:22:30.319 Do you want to be a wife that's always resisting your husband's leadership, undermining his headship? 00:22:31.279 --> 00:22:32.000 Look, I get it. 00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:33.440 He's a jerk sometimes. 00:22:34.160 --> 00:22:37.680 He's lazy and doesn't do what he needs to do. 00:22:38.319 --> 00:22:43.200 Maybe you even have stronger leadership qualities than he does. 00:22:43.519 --> 00:22:45.359 Wives, I get it. 00:22:45.839 --> 00:22:49.920 But that doesn't negate the command of the Lord. 00:22:50.640 --> 00:22:55.279 Which is wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 00:22:56.880 --> 00:23:04.799 Wives, you have this awesome, God-given calling for your husband that can help him or hurt him. 00:23:05.680 --> 00:23:07.680 You are one flesh with him now. 00:23:08.079 --> 00:23:12.319 And your distinct roles should complement each other. 00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:14.160 He needs your support. 00:23:14.319 --> 00:23:20.160 I don't know where I would be, church, if I didn't have the wife that I have. 00:23:20.480 --> 00:23:27.200 My wife, I just gotta say, sorry for a moment, is one of the most submissive and supportive wives. 00:23:27.839 --> 00:23:30.720 And it's blessed my leadership. 00:23:31.039 --> 00:23:36.400 And because she has been, our marriage has been so extremely fruitful. 00:23:37.039 --> 00:23:42.400 She has made leading my home fun and adventurous. 00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:46.160 She often tells me how much she appreciates me out of nowhere. 00:23:46.400 --> 00:23:51.599 When I'm stressed, she'll come alongside me and say, Hey, is there something I can take off your plate to help you? 00:23:51.839 --> 00:23:56.880 She will write me cards outlining how proud she is of the way that I'm leading. 00:23:57.039 --> 00:24:05.920 And she will kindly and respectfully give me critique and point out errors in my leadership when she sees it. 00:24:06.240 --> 00:24:09.599 She is my helpmate, my supporter. 00:24:10.480 --> 00:24:13.200 She brings life to my leadership. 00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:15.359 Wives or soon to be. 00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:18.319 Don't be a wife that you want to be. 00:24:18.559 --> 00:24:20.319 It's not about what you want. 00:24:20.720 --> 00:24:23.440 Don't be a wife that culture tells you to be. 00:24:23.599 --> 00:24:30.400 Our culture is so jacked up on this matter, it will bewitch you into becoming resistant and rebellious. 00:24:30.720 --> 00:24:33.279 Be a wife that God calls you to be. 00:24:33.440 --> 00:24:48.559 A wife who wakes up every day saying, I will honor my husband's leadership, I will gladly come under his leadership, for God has given him the headship of the home, and I will do this unto the Lord Jesus Christ. 00:24:49.839 --> 00:24:57.279 This type of attitude will transform your marriage and bless both you and your husband. 00:24:58.480 --> 00:25:04.880 So next, Paul now turns his attention from wives to the husbands. 00:25:05.119 --> 00:25:11.359 And he has much more to say for very good reason because husbands are the head of the wife. 00:25:11.519 --> 00:25:18.720 There's a much heavier weight, stricter responsibilities and calling due to the nature of their position. 00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:45.599 So Paul says to husbands in verses 25 through 33 Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:50.400 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. 00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:53.279 He who loves his wife loves himself. 00:25:53.519 --> 00:26:02.720 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 00:26:03.119 --> 00:26:10.160 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:16.400 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:25.039 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 00:26:25.839 --> 00:26:29.680 So the first command given to husbands is what? 00:26:33.359 --> 00:26:45.359 Right off the bat, this command should bring extinction to any form of abuse or misuse of the authority as the head. 00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:46.799 Right off the bat. 00:26:47.039 --> 00:26:51.680 Husbands, listen to me, I can say this because I'm a husband. 00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:57.759 The primary role of your leadership is love your wife. 00:26:58.319 --> 00:27:00.240 Now, what does that look like? 00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:08.079 Well, Paul literally tells us, love your wife in the same way that Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 00:27:08.480 --> 00:27:10.640 Do you understand what that means? 00:27:11.039 --> 00:27:13.680 How did Christ love the church? 00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:15.680 Look at his ministry. 00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:17.119 We can see it. 00:27:17.359 --> 00:27:21.839 He sacrificed his time to teach his bride. 00:27:22.319 --> 00:27:26.960 He sacrificed his own comfort to serve his bride. 00:27:27.279 --> 00:27:35.440 He gently, lovingly, patiently tolerated the ignorance and the mistakes of his bride. 00:27:35.759 --> 00:27:39.039 And most significantly, he laid down his life. 00:27:39.359 --> 00:27:43.519 He experienced the full wrath of God that they deserved. 00:27:43.680 --> 00:27:47.519 He suffered greatly for the sake of his bride. 00:27:47.920 --> 00:27:53.519 You, husband, are to lead your wife in like manner. 00:27:54.400 --> 00:28:11.599 You need to get this kind of shallow, trendy idea out there that your leadership is you calling all the shots, you making all of the family decisions, you doing whatever you want to do, and your wife, she just needs to get in line. 00:28:12.079 --> 00:28:15.119 Where in the world do you get that idea? 00:28:16.720 --> 00:28:24.880 We need to stop looking and watching things on podcasts and social media that kind of give this idea. 00:28:25.119 --> 00:28:36.160 Yes, you have authority and position as head of the home, but that position is not to be used for force or abuse or dragging your wife around. 00:28:36.400 --> 00:28:42.240 It's to be used to cherish and nourish and tenderly care for your wife. 00:28:43.200 --> 00:28:49.920 And if you object here and you say, hey, Jimmy, but my wife is so unsubmissive. 00:28:50.400 --> 00:28:54.240 So I won't lead her until she starts showing me some respect. 00:28:54.559 --> 00:28:55.200 Really? 00:28:55.839 --> 00:28:58.400 Is that what Christ does with his church? 00:28:58.480 --> 00:29:03.599 Or better yet, is that what Christ does with you every time you resist him? 00:29:04.240 --> 00:29:07.119 Does Christ just stop loving you and caring for you? 00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:07.680 No. 00:29:08.240 --> 00:29:15.279 Leading like Christ means leading in loving your wife unconditionally. 00:29:15.759 --> 00:29:17.920 That is what it means to lead. 00:29:18.559 --> 00:29:26.000 Verses 26 and 27 gives you an explicit analogy of what your leadership should look like. 00:29:26.240 --> 00:29:36.160 Not only did Christ die for his bride, but he also sanctified her, he cleansed her, he washed her, and he presented her before God without blemish. 00:29:36.720 --> 00:29:43.920 In the same way, God has given you husbands, one of his precious daughters. 00:29:44.559 --> 00:29:48.960 They are ultimately God's possession, not yours. 00:29:49.680 --> 00:30:09.920 And it is your job over your lifetime of marriage to so adore her and love her and lead her in such a way that when you present her back to God in the next life, God will look at you and say, look at how well you took care of my precious daughter. 00:30:10.160 --> 00:30:11.359 Well done. 00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:17.279 Do you understand the practical implications here, husband? 00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:20.799 Think about how Christ treats you. 00:30:21.119 --> 00:30:27.200 You sin all the time, husband, yet Christ advocates on your behalf. 00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:36.880 Every day you fail to do what he says in some fashion or form. 00:30:37.359 --> 00:30:39.119 Yet Jesus is what? 00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:40.640 He's patient with you. 00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:44.880 And he gently leads you to repentance and love. 00:30:45.759 --> 00:30:48.480 He provides for your needs when you lack. 00:30:48.799 --> 00:31:02.480 In the same way, husband, because you're the head, you are the one responsible for setting this love-filled, grace-filled culture where you are leading your wife emotionally and spiritually. 00:31:02.799 --> 00:31:09.359 Because you are the head, you are the first one to say, I'm sorry, modeling Christ. 00:31:09.920 --> 00:31:21.920 Because you are the head, you are the one to model grace and like Christ and to look at your wife in the eyes at night, even though she's been mean to you all day, and to say, honey, I love you so much. 00:31:22.079 --> 00:31:23.680 I know it's been a hard day. 00:31:23.920 --> 00:31:26.960 What can I do to help you, to lead you? 00:31:27.759 --> 00:31:40.880 Because you are the head, you are the one, you, husband, are the one to initiate emotional connection, to initiate spiritual connection, and to listen to the needs of your wife. 00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:44.319 Is that not what Christ does for his church? 00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:47.759 Your leadership should mirror Christ. 00:31:49.039 --> 00:31:51.039 Let me give you an example. 00:31:51.359 --> 00:31:55.680 Husband, you get home from work, you worked a long day, it's been tough. 00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:57.920 You are exhausted. 00:31:58.559 --> 00:32:00.960 And you just need your wife's support. 00:32:01.200 --> 00:32:02.720 You need her help. 00:32:03.279 --> 00:32:08.799 You pull into the driveway, your wife, she has no clue how hard your day's been. 00:32:09.039 --> 00:32:13.599 And the moment you walk through the front door, it's chaos. 00:32:14.559 --> 00:32:20.079 Your wife hands you a screaming baby, and she says, I just need you to watch them. 00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:22.319 I I can't handle them anymore. 00:32:22.559 --> 00:32:24.079 And she storms off. 00:32:25.519 --> 00:32:28.160 You're looking around with a screaming baby, like, where's dinner? 00:32:28.319 --> 00:32:30.720 I thought dinner was gonna be ready, and there's no food, right? 00:32:31.039 --> 00:32:32.000 Like, I'm hungry. 00:32:32.160 --> 00:32:33.759 It's worked a long day. 00:32:34.400 --> 00:32:40.000 You ask your wife how her day was, and she's being short with you, she's being snippy with you. 00:32:42.640 --> 00:32:48.240 And the only thing she says in the next five minutes is about how you still haven't fixed the front door. 00:32:50.240 --> 00:32:54.640 The unloving husband will do one of two things. 00:32:54.960 --> 00:33:02.319 He will either rise up in anger and say, What in the world is your problem? 00:33:02.799 --> 00:33:06.160 Do you know how hard I work today? 00:33:06.480 --> 00:33:07.839 You couldn't make me a meal? 00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:10.079 You act like your day is so hard. 00:33:10.319 --> 00:33:11.440 What about me? 00:33:12.799 --> 00:33:16.559 Now you're going to ask me to fix the door and take care of the kids? 00:33:17.759 --> 00:33:20.720 How can you be this weak and this dramatic? 00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:26.240 Or the unloving husband will just shut down. 00:33:26.400 --> 00:33:29.599 He'll just neglect and say to himself, you know what? 00:33:29.759 --> 00:33:30.640 I give up. 00:33:30.880 --> 00:33:31.599 I quit. 00:33:32.079 --> 00:33:33.839 I'm done being the leader. 00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:35.039 It's too hard. 00:33:35.200 --> 00:33:36.400 I don't get any respect. 00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:37.680 I don't get any care. 00:33:37.839 --> 00:33:41.440 I'm just going to distance myself and neglect you. 00:33:42.480 --> 00:33:48.160 But the Ephesians 5 husband in this moment will rise up. 00:33:48.480 --> 00:33:52.960 He will pull his wife to the side and say, Honey, I see that you're struggling. 00:33:53.119 --> 00:33:54.480 You're struggling bad. 00:33:54.640 --> 00:33:56.799 I'm so sorry you're having a bad day. 00:33:57.519 --> 00:33:58.480 I want to pray for you. 00:33:58.640 --> 00:34:00.079 I want to pray over you. 00:34:00.799 --> 00:34:07.920 Are there any more responsibilities that I can alleviate from you so that you can be well? 00:34:08.960 --> 00:34:10.239 I love you. 00:34:10.719 --> 00:34:15.599 What can I do to nourish and lead you during this difficult moment, this difficult season you're in? 00:34:15.760 --> 00:34:17.360 How can I care for your needs? 00:34:17.599 --> 00:34:29.039 The husband, in essence, like Christ, is saying to the wife, as a lowercase S, Savior, put it on me, wife. 00:34:29.360 --> 00:34:30.639 Put it on me. 00:34:30.960 --> 00:34:34.480 Because I love you, let me take the trouble for you. 00:34:34.800 --> 00:34:46.639 For I am the head, I'm the leader, the provider, the protector, and I will not allow you to suffer in my presence, but I will do any and all things as the leader. 00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:54.320 I will sacrifice my time, my life, my hobbies, my personal desires to make sure that you are well. 00:34:54.960 --> 00:34:59.280 Because you are bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. 00:35:00.239 --> 00:35:09.440 But so often husbands want to do the same thing Adam did back in Genesis 3 and put the blame on the wife. 00:35:09.840 --> 00:35:11.599 Well, she's not submitting. 00:35:11.840 --> 00:35:13.360 Well, she's not listening. 00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:17.119 If she respected me, then I would be able to lead her. 00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:22.880 In essence, we are saying, it's your fault, wife, that I'm not leading well. 00:35:23.440 --> 00:35:25.760 I'm guilty of this, church. 00:35:26.000 --> 00:35:37.519 But here's the reality: it's easy for a wife to submit to a husband who is himself submitted to the Lord Jesus Christ. 00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:55.760 If you are lacking love, if you're misusing your authority to just have control over your wife, just to be on a power trip, and your ministry does not look like the ministry of Jesus Christ, it will be extremely difficult for your wife to submit. 00:35:56.320 --> 00:35:59.519 You are the one making it hard on her. 00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:04.800 Why is it easy for us to fall in love and follow Jesus? 00:36:04.880 --> 00:36:12.960 Because He is patient, He is gentle, He is kind, He listens, He is long-suffering, and your leadership is not. 00:36:14.159 --> 00:36:21.119 And to support this understanding further, Paul in verses 28 through 30 gives another analogy to drive this home. 00:36:21.280 --> 00:36:24.800 He gives us the analogy of taking care of our own bodies. 00:36:25.039 --> 00:36:34.960 Every day I brush my teeth, I go to the bathroom, I eat food, I work out, I get dressed, I do so many things to take care of my own body. 00:36:35.119 --> 00:36:37.519 It's kind of selfish if you think about it. 00:36:38.239 --> 00:36:43.599 Well, in the same way, Paul says, this is how you should take care of your wife. 00:36:44.000 --> 00:36:49.920 In other words, it's a leadership of nourishment, not a leadership of force. 00:36:50.639 --> 00:36:55.280 I don't demand my body to do things, I nourish my body and I take care of it. 00:36:55.440 --> 00:36:59.679 And your wife is now a part of your body, to use the analogy. 00:37:00.159 --> 00:37:12.719 That is what Paul gets after in verses 30 through 32, in the same way that we are members of Christ's body, him being the head, so the wife is a member, one flesh, with her husband. 00:37:13.039 --> 00:37:19.760 Therefore, as logic follows, the husband is to care for, tend to his wife. 00:37:20.480 --> 00:37:26.960 In verse 31, Paul reminds the husband of the theology of one fleshness. 00:37:27.280 --> 00:37:32.159 When a man and woman leave their parents and get married, they become one flesh. 00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:34.000 They become one unit. 00:37:34.159 --> 00:37:40.000 They are physically, they are emotionally, they are sexually, they are spiritually integrated. 00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:51.679 And if you have a hard time understanding the ins and outs of that analogy, well, so did Paul, which is why he says in verse 32, this is a profound mystery. 00:37:52.159 --> 00:37:53.760 But it is true. 00:37:54.559 --> 00:38:05.519 Marriage, then, is meant to resemble, it's meant to reflect and bring glory to God by modeling the relationship between Christ and his church. 00:38:05.840 --> 00:38:23.039 In and through Jesus Christ, when wives are joyfully submitting and husbands are lovingly leading, marriage becomes this beautiful picture of the relationship of Christ and his church. 00:38:23.840 --> 00:38:40.239 When this happens, when a husband is saying, I love you, wife, I will die for you, life, I will nourish and lead you and take care of you and guide you, and the wife is saying, I want to listen to you, I want to enjoy your leadership, I will honor and receive your care. 00:38:40.800 --> 00:38:45.679 Is this not a living model of the gospel in real life? 00:38:46.000 --> 00:38:46.960 Is it not? 00:38:47.679 --> 00:39:00.239 Your marriage literally is this testimony, it's the biggest evangelistic tool for your children, for other family members who are watching, for society to look at. 00:39:01.599 --> 00:39:07.199 When will we learn that marriage isn't about you? 00:39:08.159 --> 00:39:13.599 It's not about getting your way, it's not about building a life that we want to build. 00:39:13.920 --> 00:39:16.480 Marriage is about the glory of God. 00:39:17.199 --> 00:39:18.320 It's about God. 00:39:20.239 --> 00:39:28.400 And if it's all about Him and His glory and His fame and His name, then we need to obey this. 00:39:29.519 --> 00:39:43.360 So Paul concludes his argument in verse 33 by saying, However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 00:39:43.760 --> 00:39:45.599 That is his conclusion. 00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:52.800 Remember, Paul is writing to Christians who live in a very syncretistic culture. 00:39:53.039 --> 00:40:15.039 So there was, you know, hyper-feminism on one end that were teaching, you know, unhealthy girl power from the false goddesses, and then you had abuse, toxic masculinity, if you will, of just this abuse of hyper-religious Jewish teachings that taught that women were just a piece of property. 00:40:15.599 --> 00:40:29.920 Which is why Paul comes in to restore and redeem God's original design for marriage by commanding wives to submit to their husbands, and for husbands to love and nourish their wives. 00:40:31.199 --> 00:40:34.159 So I want to conclude with a few summary thoughts. 00:40:37.440 --> 00:40:57.039 If your marriage is struggling, if there's a lot of strife in your marriage, if there's conflict, hurt, chaos, not always, but almost always, it's because the husband and the wife are not operating in God's original design laid out here in Ephesians 5. 00:40:57.440 --> 00:40:58.719 Look, I get it. 00:40:58.960 --> 00:41:00.880 This stuff can be so messy. 00:41:01.039 --> 00:41:06.000 Sometimes the husband is leading well, he actually is, and the wife's being unsubmissive. 00:41:06.079 --> 00:41:13.440 Uh, sometimes the wife is joyfully submitting, and the husband is not leading well, and everything in between. 00:41:13.599 --> 00:41:14.239 I get it. 00:41:14.400 --> 00:41:21.840 It's complicated, it's messy, and sometimes one party is willing to restore, and the other party is unwilling. 00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:30.559 But I want to encourage you, both wife and husband, that what Paul laid out here in this passage is possible. 00:41:31.039 --> 00:41:32.320 It is possible. 00:41:33.199 --> 00:41:37.519 It's more than possible through Jesus' transforming power and help. 00:41:37.679 --> 00:41:41.599 He can bring restoration so long as you are willing. 00:41:44.960 --> 00:41:58.320 So if there's a prayer that God wants to answer that that really has God's ear, if there's a prayer that He couldn't be, that couldn't be more aligned to the heart of Christ, it's Lord, help my marriage, right? 00:41:59.280 --> 00:42:02.880 Help me to have a marriage that's on the foundation of Christ. 00:42:03.039 --> 00:42:04.400 And so he wants to help. 00:42:04.639 --> 00:42:13.119 He wants your marriage to look like this, to be a redemptive marriage that bears testimony to his gospel for all to see. 00:42:13.599 --> 00:42:15.440 So where do you start? 00:42:15.760 --> 00:42:19.119 Yes, there's counseling, yes, talk to your pastors. 00:42:19.280 --> 00:42:25.119 That's vital and that's needed, but it starts with properly living out this passage. 00:42:25.599 --> 00:42:28.960 It starts with cleaning up your side of the street. 00:42:29.280 --> 00:42:37.280 Husband, it's not helpful for you to kind of point back at verse 5 and demand your wife to be submissive. 00:42:38.159 --> 00:42:41.039 In fact, that's not even what's instructed here. 00:42:42.320 --> 00:42:51.039 And it's not your job, wife, to point at the other voice verses and say, Well, you're supposed to be loving me. 00:42:51.679 --> 00:42:56.400 Husband, it's your job to love your wife, to pray for her, to nourish her. 00:42:56.800 --> 00:43:02.400 That you make submissiveness to your leadership so easy and appealing for her. 00:43:03.199 --> 00:43:05.920 You motto Christ so well that she can't help. 00:43:06.320 --> 00:43:09.280 She's drawn to your leadership. 00:43:11.119 --> 00:43:12.239 And wife. 00:43:13.519 --> 00:43:16.079 Look, his leadership may be lacking. 00:43:16.480 --> 00:43:18.320 And if it is, trust me, wife. 00:43:18.480 --> 00:43:20.000 I know this because I'm a husband. 00:43:20.159 --> 00:43:23.599