Good Tonic by Louise Roke
Good Tonic by Louise Roke
3 Marriages but Love is Not Lost
Tracey has been through a lot emotionally in relationships. A professional hard worker in a stressful job she is a caring wonderful women. She talks with me about her 3 marriages and how as a young woman she was left with a six week old baby after her husband from her first marriage walked out.
Tracey tough yet lonely and heartbroken talks about how important it is to reach out and how to take your time not to rush into relationships when you meet someone. .. She also touches on women wearing rose coloured glasses and how to see flags if they are there.
No bitter and twisted here; Tracey is a nurturing, loving person who is open to vulnerability and still believes in love. A bubbly vivacious lady we can all learn from. As the old saying goes; it is better to have loved than to not have loved at all...
Great.
Speaker 2:I'm Louis Roke tune in weekly for a dose of your good tonic where people shared their personal stories. I believe voicing, not suppressing who you uniquely are. It's part of our human journey. If you would like to know more, would be a guest visit our website, good tonic.co dot. NZ. I hope you subscribe to our podcast. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1:Tracy has been through a lot emotionally in relationships, a professional hard worker and a stressful job. She is a caring, wonderful woman. She talks with me about her three marriages and how as a young woman she was left abandoned with a six week old baby from her first marriage. Tracy, tough yet lonely and heartbroken, gives advice about how important it is to reach out to others and how to take your time and not to rush into things when you meet someone new and how we can all learn to love it. Take time to see clearly and how to identify, flex and look after ourselves more. Tracy is a loving person and as open to vulnerability and I love it for that. A bubbly, the vicious lady. We can all learn from who has never given up love. I hope you enjoy listening to Tracy's story
Speaker 3:today. We're just really having a chat because Tracy and I were talking before and she hits some quite funny ideas actually. And I know that all your people out there like these female funny ideas, um, where she said, and I, and, and we're not calling it that, but we started off this conversation because chased it all, but what do you want me to talk about? Losers? How to put loser husband. I said, well, that would probably be a bit harsh actually. I don't think the audience out there would really appreciate it, but then we would serious because you know how I like to be serious sometimes and as well as, as not serious. And what happened was, was that I said to Josie, what choice? You know, we just started talking about the three marriage thing and yeah. And you said, well, this is what happened. I said, no, don't tell me what happened. Because if you got to tell them that, oh my goodness. Hi. Anyways, so where did we start? At the beginning? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. I, um, I hadn't really hit a lot of boyfriends, but I did. Um, I did have a lot of six once I started having sex. I did, I made up for lost time. But anyway, I mean you had limited boyfriends but lots of six with those limiting beliefs. It's actually, no, I take it all back. But I did, I got proposed by my first husband and he was a bit drunk at the time and the George Tevin and, and panel and I'm, you know, it was, I guess, you know, like any young person at 20 something 23 or I think I was 23 or so. Of course you're going to say yes. I, I probably had known I'd been living with my, you know, I'm not a very good, very good a story and I'll be honest, but we had been maybe going out for a year or something like that and suddenly things went perfect. But I got married at the beautiful wedding, the vintage car, the glue, gorgeous free food dresses, the three bridesmaids, beautiful reception at Ron feds and things. And it was just the happiest day, you know, thinking that it was going to be labor of love. Do you reckon? Well, I don't think I really knew what that was and had age and I used to be honest. I just had you been in love before that? I don't know if you know what wow. Yeah. I thought I was in love. Yeah. I loved him. Yes. Was He your first love during him? No, he wasn't my face, my face. I don't think I ever thought I'd meet anyone after that was going to compete with him. You don't have to say, I don't want to know his name, but he was telling me about versus um,[inaudible] at Uni University. Yeah. Made about him and he just broke up with me and I really, when he left university he said, oh, we didn't track them down on him. He said it wasn't about me, it was just where he was at. It was at the time. But he didn't tell you the, no, communicate that to your heart. And I used to play the song over and over every night for about a year. And My, when I went to be a duck, I was totally heartbroken. But[inaudible] to that, that guys do that. I mean, I mean I know it's not just guys that do that, but obviously we had talked to more women, you know, in the show. But what do you think that's about when a guy, you know, you're obviously in term, he's into you. Did you think he was up to you or were you just, you know, he had seen no, he, he, he wasn't doing so well at Uni and he dropped out and he associated me with the failure. And so it was like cut the ties off. That's when you said, so I don't think you could really say it was anything in particular, but, but he didn't have that at the time. And it was certainly, you checked him down that about, you know, maybe two years later I went to visit him and he did look well, I never really found out what it was and I was pretty, yeah. And that's really good that you did that, you know, the closure of actually finding that out and realizing too that it wasn't you. Yeah, it was, cause I had never really had a knock in my life until then. I've been the perfect child, the perfect daughter, you know, done well. Everything in the[inaudible] lack of communication isn't it? You know what I mean? Somebody just cutting you off here for the writing buyout. Yeah. Yeah. And do you think when you look back at him too, I mean, was he actually a good communicator or do you think, no, no. Quite interesting, isn't it? How people, you know, do that and, and let's see where communicating. So, um, okay, so you get married, you're 23 and you are nursed by their time. I was a nurse and he was a fireman. Um, and their families got on well and it Sidra and we bought a house with the help of his dad and you know, then I got pregnant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that sort of thing. Cause this is another thing that's, that's going to exit easily. You know, Greenie wasn't taking any contraception. Didn't really think much about it. Do you think about having children? Oh, I always was going to hit too. I wanted to get married and have children and they have the picket fee, you know? And I was willing to work really hard at it. But I unfortunately, you know, things happen as dad died before my daughter was born and then the house Dang just freaked him out. And so when you say the house thing freaked him out because this is quite common with some people, you know, I know a couple of people where that's happened. Where the responsibility of having that big mortgage around you, nick and having the wife. Yeah. Hey the baby. And then he really does sort of see the, Oh look, you know, I w I wasn't really, really for any of that. And even then after we married, before we had the baby, he was saying, how long was that choice before you, when you got married and then you had the baby? How I think it was, I would, we'd been married and we'd play with a lot of issues to be honest. Well, how would we you, when you had your baby? 25 fine. Yeah. Okay. So you were, you were together. A couple were married for two years, so I got pregnant sort of after a year on it. But yeah, nine months later, you know, after I was actually just finishing my midwifery yeah. When I got pregnant. Yeah. And that's amazing. That's well equipped to do practical test after the, you know, the actual teeth. But yeah, I mean, you know, it's, you just think, you know, if I had listened to my mother who said, look, go traveling, don't get married, just go traveling. But no, I wouldn't listen to my mother. Yeah. But I mean they, my friends were all overseas and Europe and Africa and I kind of ended up getting married. I was so thrilled to get married. I really was. Um, and then nip minute, I'm having this baby at quite a young age and really was not a very stable marriage to be honest. I just don't really think[inaudible] you don't know that that's going to happen. I mean, it's nice. I mean, I think we're all brought up, um, you know, these fairytale books? Yeah. Oh yeah. I mean an hour. We're a fairy tale. Yeah. I really, really just didn't have any concept, know what was involved. And, and I think generations before us were real hush hush generation. So, um, they weren't actually really talking about their relationship. No. You know what I mean? Goodness. No, no. Yeah. Even six was discussed in that inmate and in my house. No, that's right. And no one sweet anyone naked in their house either. So it was like, whew. Yeah. Very. Exactly. Exactly. So tell me around the circumstances and, and a lot of people out there, you know, are single parents and I know that must've been very emotionally, um, you know, he would walk us through that. So what, what was just an unfortunate sort of stu consensus that father died and he found that very difficult. We just bought this house and then we had a new baby and just, it just caused him to just melt down and had a bio. And how old was he? He was two years older than later. He was maybe 2027 so young, 28 maybe foods are not, he never was really clear about how he was to be on it. So we got married. So the communicate guy, he really was going through a bit of a hard year. I mean, I say that with a lot of compassion because when you are a very compassionate person, because he was really mixed up. And so yeah, lift me with this six week old baby. So when you know, when he turned around, because he's a lot of people listening who obviously are mothers and or are pregnant or are going through, you know, so what did he say when he went where he said, he said to me like, you know, I had a quarter of anxiety. You know, I was a midwife. I thought I had to do everything perfectly. And, and I had this baby that spent a lot of time on his chest. She, he used to hold all the time. He, he did for two days, two nights and four days off. And he'd spend the four days just lying on the couch holistically. Maybe, you know, just sleeping with the baby and yeah, but it was a night, so he didn't help me match. But he did hold the baby in this when he lived, the baby wasn't very hippie. No, cause he was used to being held by him constantly. But I'm, he says, Oh, do you think we have a good relationship? And I said, well, no, but I'm really happy to work at it. You know, I think, you know, we hit all these quite difficult things happen for a young couple, you know, you know, youth and then a baby in the house. Um, he goes, I think I need a bit of a break. How did you feel? You know, I think I need a bit of a break in the fingers. Head. He'd been doing things like going out drinking and not coming Friday and stuff like that. And he really, he had started doing renovations in the house and it was just like everywhere. I always caught a tough girl. I said, you know, if you go there, don't bother coming back. We'll see. Good on you. And people would say to me, Oh, you're so tough. I said, well, you know, if he can walk on and live on someone when they really need them, like yeah. Anyway, so he did. He, he's to be dude out the door. Cause I mean he must've wondered when he went out and this is the thing, you know, you're talking about these really unusual circumstances. What did they happen to me? But you know, and probably isn't, well actually I don't think it's that unusual. You know, people have ended up on their own under different circumstances and this, that, and the other thing. And I just think that also when guys are working in a team of guys that was all about the guys, it, they do become near family and they get a lot of stuff don't they, from, from the other guys and that, you know. Yeah, they do. They, they, it's all about the manner of being a fireman back then as well. Yeah. It was a big, like six foot six really fit guy, but he could have been an all black. He was very talented as well. But anyway, he's skinny. Dude out the door and left me with a six week old baby. And really, she never really stopped crying after that. And it's amazing. Amazing. And I was just like and shock. Even though I sit those strong things, I was still, I complete Rick. Yeah. Well the thing was Trice is that somewhere inside all of us, if you've been lucky enough, I guess in some ways to be brought up in a good way, your head pain, there's something that you, you sort of brought up to know that there's a limit to what you should put up with. Yeah. As a person. You know what I mean? And some people don't get brought up and they need to be, they need to value themselves. Yeah. More. But you had those values and stored in[inaudible]. But yeah, I mean his mother had lived the country in India and she, even Cedar, he wouldn't have left me if his mother had been[inaudible] cause she went digging, you can have some. Right. But anyway, he did. And he went flat and, and then he said about six weeks later, or three months later, he goes, oh, I think I might date that girl Angela. Right. And I said, well, good luck to[inaudible] incredibly strong about it all. But how long did it sort of take you to, I mean, were you still in love with them then? I, you know, I, I don't think I can, I could have been right actually because he was quite challenging in a lot of the shows. Like he had a bed attention deficit problem and by he would pace up and down and, and he spent money like water and it was a dog to stay. But I don't know why I was so strongly, but saying that it was hard and I hit a very, very, a baby that was very unhappy baby. It cried all the time. It wouldn't sleep. So I spent a lot of time at my mother's house and I, and he would have been very stressed. I was so anxious and very depressed. Yeah. And it was just, and you know, I mean your midwife, he made it wounds. But you know what I mean? It's amazing, isn't it? It's like animals. I mean children pick up, it's that clear. You know, you just recover. You know when you're stressed and anxious you just recover and you actually don't even realize when you're in a situation breathing faster than your amount that you're breathing apparently. Yeah. That's really, really interesting. I was pretty devastated. I remember going to a wedding when she was maybe, I don't know, six months old and crying to my mother cause the guy that was getting married was my fist boyfriend and he was in love with me and wanted to marry me. Yeah. And he was desperate to get married. I really, I don't know, he was quite boring and you know, she said boring and he would have shares, he wouldn't share his toothbrush. And he claimed and he claimed his team pigs with, you know, he washed them, but he, we just went, well, so the, but he still married, they used to put the shirt on the, this is when I was, you know, that wild habeas. Yeah. And they used to put this shirt on the coating or, and then yeah, get on the door and it was just, everything was too bloody perfect. The one, like I said, now, yeah, that'd be fine. But back then it was like no, the hell on me because it was just so, he was very tidy and I wasn't[inaudible] to happen to me, man. And it still causes me a lot of pain they say, because I know I could have been a bit of mom if I'd had more support from my husband. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. She sees I was a pivot mother. So I mean, I'm sure you were, you know, it's amazing to out there how many people have opinions about your life, you know, your circumstances and, yeah, exactly. And it's like all the girls I did my antenatal classes with, they kind of went on and I didn't really invite me too much because I might take the husband maybe and I would hate to go back to words like[inaudible]. Exactly. It's isolating and lonely and that's why I like doing these podcasts because you know, there's all these people listening who are in that situation or know someone in that situation. It's like if you look back now, years later and look back at the situation, what would you, um, advise people, you know, since you've been there, done that to help them when they're going through there, just pain on their own with a child. Just know you're stronger than you even think you are because the women are and bet you've got, if you can get some support around you, your family, your friends, yeah, that's all you really need. And actually you don't need another child to look after. No of this partner is not actually eating into your life and being only for you and being a good baby daddy. Then you actually don't need that in your life. And that's why I made that decision, because it really was chaos with him end and he wanted to leave. So why was I exactly if wasn't going to late. Yes. Right. That's right. If you didn't want to be there and he didn't want to, he said he did say horrible things. Like I actually never really loved Joe and actually I only got[inaudible] to my parents. So that's why I let him walk away. Yeah. Well exactly. And I think it comes back again, like you've got to value yourself to some sort of degrading, you know, you've got to say, do I deserve this? Because everybody deserves to be treated well. Yeah. And I did encourage his relationship with his daughter and for my own sanity, I needed that break. And I think that's the one thing outside of people, and they stay violent or terrible people never stop your children seeing the appearance. Don't make them choose. Yeah. They have to. They always will love that parent. No. Even if they are a Dec. Yeah. And so always encourage that because you need a break. You need to have a break to be a good parent if you can and don't isolate their dead away and just go and do stuff that makes you happy on that time at a time away. Don't worry too much. A lot of my other people have got no support and because there are a lot of people around who haven't got family and maybe they've come from a dysfunctional family themselves and they don't want to stay in that sort of psyche. Like there's a lot of people out there who want to move on with their life in a more positive way and not surrounded by maybe negative people and dysfunctional family. I don't know. What's some things, I mean you're a nurse as well, so I mean it's a really good person to talk to them. You know what I went along to place into and I wished, and I don't feel immediately welcomed, but I wished I'd[inaudible] with going to something to hang out with other moms because that's what women need. Like when women get together, they release oxytocin and oxytocin as the bonding hormone. And that's why women love talking with each other because they relate oxytocin when they're talking with the[inaudible]. And so if you think of the village concept, yeah. Really not designed to bring children out by herself because we would have a village, right. Have all the other mothers. Yeah. So you've got to find your village. We didn't work any. You go back to work, you've got your village, you're talking and you're getting, and this is what helped me. It can be very isolating. Yeah. It helped me. I I going bit pat time. Yeah. Just getting the break from their child. It sounds terrible. Um, and it's true. And I think, you know also what you were saying about, and it's so true. Sometimes you're going to visit, you're going to go traveling in a metaphorical sort of sense where you're going to go to villages and they, not that not going to be a village, but don't give up, drive to the next town, so to speak, and look, find something, whether it's your yoga class or something for you. Yeah, I mean, I know it sounds simplistic, but I used to go when I was young person, I would just go out and party or at least one of them have been[inaudible] or whatever. Make sure you just make some contact about, I think I was just grateful. I had lovely friends and I'm sure that there's lots of agencies. If you haven't got support, they will support you and they will be for you. Because I know another thing is, I mean, you know, unless you've actually suffered real poverty, well I hear[inaudible] and you know, um, coming up with$25 or something to tell you to this and it can be very, I was probably very lucky, but when I was, I was on the DPP back in the 90s as I had my daughter and went to 93. Yeah. They kept them bear and I used to have like 40 bucks to buy food. You know, when I went back to this, when I got there a little bit more money. Yeah. So I always encourage people to do. Yeah, definitely. No, that's even if it's just$10 to have one wine. I don't know. Or just even just doing something. And I think the important thing is that I say to people to turn off the TV, maybe put some music on music. Yeah. Or some or even sometimes there's some silence, but make the effort to get the appropriate amount. Yes. And to go on a walk. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. That's what I didn't do as much as I could have. Yeah. Taking the prem out. And my daughter said to me, she goes, mom, how come I know every Allana's Morissette on. Yeah. And I said, but so many cassettes. I used to play that CD. I jagged a little bell, I bet. And over and over. But music. Okay. It takes you back, doesn't it? In music and getting out on their fishy, fishy exercise. You know it, you don't have to pay money for a thickly Gus. I used to walk around them jobs or just even if it is driving to the mall and walking around the mall, it doesn't matter that just get apple a piece out Sushi. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Well used to buy three or four pieces of Suzy because they literally couldn't do you know what I say? I say to Pete, Hey Paul Tay,
Speaker 3:is that false yourself and make it a little game forced yourself and say, look, when I go out today, are they actually going to engage and talk to one person? You know what I mean? Yeah. That I don't know. And it's not, um, I'm not talking about that. You go and buy an ice cream and you talk to the person behind the counter. I'm saying reach out in some shape and form. Push yourself to that limit. But I just think that human contact and that challenge of just actual connection, you know, real connection. Yeah. And there is like the mommy and me and I know these things costs money. We're the baby music class. So there was things, but you know, it's, I think you just get through it. Yeah. And the new baby gets older and then they're more of a friend. Like my daughter and I used to do so many go Covance together. She was my little, my little buddy, and he used to go and do everything together, you know, travel and go to the beach and yeah. But, and I talking to a lady today at work each night who at a very advanced age of 48 has gone and hit a baby. Oh, really? Wow. That's amazing. Donor Egg. She's got no partner. Wow. She said, you know what? I just decided that I wanted this child. She had a little girl and I was just, I was sharing with you. I said, look, you know, you're just going to have the best time with this little girl. She's gonna, you know? Yeah. It was really sweet. I said, you don't need that man. Really? Biologically she, she was fine except she just what? She got donor sperm. I do ask you if it was a donor egg in a spoon. I didn't actually go there because I was doing other things and I, she didn't, she that with me and I didn't think it could have been a donor egg, that's the speak and gave me a donor spam. Wow. Gosh. It's incredible, isn't it? Yeah. Exciting. She really, really could probably choose all the attributes she wanted to have a baby. It's amazing. That's amazing. Never too late sometimes. That is lots of these 40 something ladies having babies at the moment. Yeah. How long was it till they met my second husband? Well, I think it was at least seven years. Oh, okay. I've been son go and then, um, I was sort of introduced to this guy who was really nothing like I'd ever been out with before. And I thought, well, maybe I'm going to just give the sky chance because he's completely opposite. Maybe my type wasn't my type. I'd read a book or something stupid that said that. And he was, you know, supposedly by all the beavers, it's quite a wealthy doctor. Right. And, um, so he showed me a lifestyle that I hadn't had before. Yeah. Yeah. We, I'd been budget budget, budget. This was like, yeah, same spins. Yes. Yeah. And I actually proposed to him. Oh, Gotcha. But really he wasn't really, really, really to get married either, but he's still went through with it or why do you say he wasn't really? Because I said to him once or what does marriage mean to you? And he sit, oh, loss of money. Loss of freedom and loss of something else. Yeah. But I mean was he just being no, I think he was quite, she was telling you still got Mary. Yep. We went to a private island in Fiji and reentered the whole island.[inaudible] but it was, and we only had sort of people that are for good food to come and family. Yeah. It was crazy. Anyway. Um, so what is w what? I was in love with them. I was in love with them, but I'm not[inaudible] that actually. Yeah. Oh, he was love with me. I thought. Yeah. I mean I think he was, yeah, cause you ended up leaving, didn't you? Well, he was, he worked at the hospital, I think, I won't say too much, but he worked at the hospital and he decided he wanted to get the job he really wanted, which was in a different field and it involved moving to Australia. Okay. Right. It's so he could get that job. Ironically, I had just got my dream job, but I gave it all up. Oh really? Wow. So you've just got your dream job and then he got that job for when I gave up, I've just got it back. Oh really crazy. I 10 years later, the girl that took my job, I've just got back from her. I'm critical. I didn't realize that that was when they gave up everything. Yeah. Cause I was, I was told that, you know, w[inaudible] could have a baby, I wouldn't have to work. Um, and I thought, well this is what I really wanted. Yeah. And here's this doctor that's going to provide this lovely lifestyle. He really liked my daughter by her phone every time she lost it, you know, we'll just restaurants all the time. And so we went and we met some really lovely friends in Australia and I the adjusted, but I didn't really like the work. I did a brilliant week and, but unfortunately he was actually trying to get other people pregnant. I'm sorry. Nice. But this is what happened. I just felt the way you said this, so speak together because it was so serious and I was expecting nothing serious to come out of you. And it was, it was seriously Syria. Well this is the turn of events. But yeah, he had his having Adelphia with a patient's sister girl that's, hey introduced me to this patient's sister, but my sister caught him touching her hand, like taking a cap and sort of doing this and she goes, I think there's something going on there anyway. Kidding me in the private eye, you wouldn't believe this. Right? He was having believed she was like a midriff. I've got a Tammy button kind of girl. Right. But this child that she had and anyways, the sister or the, this is, this is a girl he was having an affair with in Australia and so he had a patient and this was the sister of the patient at the tummy button. So he had a patient that kept trying to kill himself. Like he was serial suicidal. Oh okay. Hey listen, keep surviving. And this is her sister. And so he got to know him quite well cause he used to go there. And when I came he used to go get a fee with you for probably the whole time we'd been bloody marriage. Well, yeah, no, I'm not joking. The whole time you moved to Australia now because before we moved to Australia, he was doing locums in Australia and he'd go and wait per week. Ah, yeah. And this is why he even, I can see your sister said to you, when my sister came over to us, when we finally moved the, and she saw them together, she goes, there's something going on there.[inaudible] and I, I was just so dumb. But then this girl gets pregnant, right. And I am so naive still. I'm still not seeing the signs that I go do. She was pregnant. Well, she did. She came in and goes, oh, I'm Tracy, I'm premed. And Mark was saying, Oh, well I'll take you to get your abortion. And I start on Click[inaudible] so when did you finally, he told me that's when I really were just such a trusting I was, I was just blind. I mean, when you look back at that now though, could you, can you see it now or maybe I just don't want to see it. I think maybe I didn't want to see it. I'm just trying to think. Yeah, I mean I'm just thinking, do you look back now and think if I actually really wanted to say that that was actually pretty obvious. It was. Yeah. But I mean the thing is, he was caught a big chunky on a guy with a big, and I kind of thought other women won't find them attractive, but they obviously did. It's amazing that a tin of beans down the track turns out he didn't actually get it pregnant. She was cheating on him. And this[inaudible] I'm telling you we did. He could've went into the supreme teeth later and he didn't have any spooned me. He had no spam candidate or at least we didn't keep the sample property. But now there was[inaudible] he didn't tell. I wasn't bliss surprised cause he was adopted. He had a few wishes at how you go. But yeah. So anyway, he was busy getting other girls pregnant and she ended up having the baby. No, she hit a termination, which he took her to cause he was hit, they were friends, like really good friends and he hit this woman friends. Right. So she, she, he did actually say to you, Tracy, I did. Um, I, I was having coffee with her, um, later down the track and we did some post-enrollment realized. Still didn't really know then. No, but he took her for this termination because he was who framed and Piper, cause she didn't have much money and then she came round to the house. This is straight away. And I said, you know what, have a little of a respect and never come around to my house again. Have a little bit of speak for yourself and I don't even want to see your face in my house. Which I thought I'd never do that, but I thought, no, I've just done, I've, I've been grateful never to be in that situation and I don't judge people. And anyway, so thing was, was she out of the scene? I think he was dying. He was still saying[inaudible] and then I, he was also a bit of a crazy guy. He used to buy stereos and he was obsessed with steroids and he, I ended up doing those. What would you like, like just he, we had a stereo system with massive cables and all sit up who in every room in their house. And Anyway, I decided I was having a midlife crisis. I was 14 he was getting other people pregnant. He wasn't getting me pregnant. He was hurting with me. Hey, I dunno, I really wasn't having sex with me. That's what I'm saying. And down a track I realized he was having a six with other people. He wouldn't have six with me. And I had gone off the pole, I was disparate type of baby and it was a hit man. Yeah. Cause it's, how old was he? He was a little bit older than me, like 45, maybe about five years older than you. Maybe three. I can gather and this is a whole nother conversation for other people out there and not be very interested to hear from woman actually out there. Um, I've had the Nadis that was going to say when you see that these seems to be a lot of women out there. We're the guys to 40 something. Oh Madame crosses. They don't have six anymore. Well I don't know. I just think maybe, I don't know why he wasn't hitting six with me. He was really into this other woman. Who is this the same woman for the same one? Yeah, the one he was sleeping with and, and then he got quite aggressive and abusive and I actually just, I said you know what, I went to a study day at work and it was about family violence and I thought I'm an abusive relationship here. Yeah. I mean have you always been like that? No, but he kind of, he just didn't want me there. He, she didn't want me there I think cause you were telling me a long time ago he got quite overweight and unhealthy. Yeah, he did. Yeah. He would just watch TV all day and watch re slang in RDF the garden, not healthy but and he'd eat enormous amounts of food like three, four, he ate two minds. If you went out for dinner, he was very excessive, excessive and everything. And I just, you know what I'd say, I just didn't know the guy too deeply. I'm happy to do that. You can't be hippie if you're sitting near all day. Why he wa he was, he was, yeah, he, that's what made him happy was watching movies, listening to music and his perfect stear that he'd sit up and eating and, and yeah. So he was not happy if you do that. That's what I mean. That's what I'm saying. You know, this way, whatever. No, when I see two, he said to me, honey, I see my daughter back to them with the father because I just was having this crisis. Right. And I thought this is not a healthy side, that's not healthy. I needed to sort myself out. And I actually took about$20,000 cause we had some money and I went to Europe or we didn't Europe for three months. Oh, that's good. Yeah. And then he said, come back. I've booked us into the pilot show, Versace and surfers and he seduced me back and said come and I stay. I tried to work it out with him and we did this personal crisis and we, we both professed our sense, cause I think she did it. I had actually cheated on him. And this time as well. When you went to Europe? No, when I went back to New Zealand because he wasn't having sex with me. I thought I loved it and I felt should about myself. And it didn't help by him cheating on him either, but, oh yeah. But I can see both kinda confused about this and we've tried to work it out, but I just worked out, you know, we're not, we will never a good fit. We never really had anything in common at the beginning, do you think? No. Besides me wanting to have a baby[inaudible] amazing. And then he found out anyway through these tests that he, well this other girl that cheated on them anyway, and it wasn't even his baby that intuit. I mean, who would I know would have a lie. This is crazy. But this is what my life has been. Well, I mean, look like woman, to be honest with you. Most of them knew of had a couple of relationships and this certainly I was thinking, I mean, we juggle so many balls. You know, we tried to keep so many people's lives together. I mean, my mother would say to me, look, you know, just to make the best of it, Da, you know, you've, you married a doctor, just make your own life. I said terms, I just want someone to do stuff with me. I don't want to be out in the garden while he's watching wrestling all weekend, drinking red wine and in front of the TV and I'm out there doing the gun. I want something to do something. Say. Right. That's such a typical thing though, isn't it? Oh Mom. Guess just make the best of it. I said, man, he spends all this money on stuff that's not important to me. No. And that is very much that era though of um, people who were born in the, you know, thirties, forties, fifties, um, twins. They were programmed really to say that a woman's place was if you had succeeded as a woman, if you married a professional person. Oh yeah. A doctor. I mean that's where they, she Stalton Sussan shines out of. I said, ma'am, he was cheating. I'm like, well I did say to them in the end when he bought me the steer for the family room, which I don't, I seriously always, we had one, we hit a five bedroom house, we had a media room, a family room and five bedrooms in literally we had no, we had two lounges in a media room, innocent and[inaudible]. We had one in the bedroom, one in the spear room, one and the other one in the family, one in the lounge. And don't tell me they weren't on all different genitals. No, these were just top music CD players with like[inaudible] saying, but where they all going at nine? I never at the same time, but it's like, cause I do maybe, but I do remember one of my friends, one of my friends, right, she had three TVs but you could sort of, I know them and I'm not exaggerating. And they were on two of them. One was in that like, cause it was quite a big house. So what was sort of in the Lubbock and what was sort of in the dining, which was out of here. And she had gone bloody constantly and it was bloody nuts. Look, he wouldn't even turn the TV off to have dinner at Christmas time. It was kind of like my family came, he wouldn't even turn off the TV for the Christmas dinner. So that's what I mean about, it just wasn't, we've had, it's ridiculous. He's a doctor too, you know, that's just not raising. I see a lot did happen in the evening. I said to them, look, you know the way you want to love your life isn't wrong, but it's just not for me. I'm going to go home. Yeah, I'm going to go back to New Zealand. And he said he was very sad. He said, I don't know how I'm going to live without you, but he never wanted to come and have a relationship that would work for me. It was just all about what he wanted, which was to watch TV, buy stereos. He'd go shopping every Saturday morning and he'd come back later with some of the piles of stuff, piles of stuff. You see, he had a show. I was going to say all that consuming. Yeah. It was all trying to fill up the whole of being adopted or abandoned because the story where he was adopted, he was adopted in the states and his mother was a nurse and his father was a doctor. This is the story. We don't know if it's true. And I actually found his mother and his mother's name and everything. I was quite persistently, he should sort it out,
Speaker 5:but cause he didn't want to eat. And he then became, uh, I'm gonna say he became an intensive care doctor because that's the God doctor that tells all the other doctors what to do. So then he could be beholding over the[inaudible] father that gave him away. So he hit a lot and he didn't want to deal with it. You know, I need to be, to be, um, you know, addiction like this and buying all this stuff. They didn't believe me. They gave me why cause the fictional people while they come away. That might've just been a story that is social. We told them[inaudible] this is the thing too that I hit the conversation with, oh, somebody the other day and we were talking about, you know, what you see or what you get told as a kid. You can have a huge that method. And do you know what adults don't think about that before. They say we'll do things to children. You know, it's like the saddest thing is when some guy says to a kid, oh no, I promise you I'll do that. I said, I promise you I'll take you there and I promise you I'll be there. And then they let them down and to them it's nothing but to the child it's absolutely bloody devastated.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I mean, I think they sort of, when you look back and thought I could help him and I thought he would change, but actually he didn't. No, he didn't want to. He couldn't. He didn't. He was stuck. You've got to really want to change. You've got to do, you've got to say to yourself, well look, I met, I met this crosses point that I'm living. Like they'll say he knows he's like that and he really, well he would have, you know, you have got to say to yourself, you want to change. So I went back and I mean back home. And how long were you on your own for two years. I was quite lonely actually, but, well it is lonely. Yeah. My voices to hear because I'm, I'm, I'm making one of the famous cups of tea with all these people who send me these lovely teas. Thank you so much. Oh Wow. I'm looking forward to some tea actually. Thank you. Anyways, all this talking[inaudible] today we've actually got the Dell'arte we're having. So that's the other subject too is you know, for people is there, you know, loneliness is actually really killing the world. So I was single for two years, but you know, I hate to do some, I did some personal development and um, I really had to take responsibility for, you know, asking this guy to marry me who really wasn't really there. And two, it was kind of a confirmed bachelor really. And it was a bit of an oddball obviously with the wall stereos and stuff. I know when I was going to say to you, the other thing is that jobs to my attention as that you were saying you clearly had different like, yeah, that's fine. If you want to go outside garden and you're that sort of person and somebody wants to sit on the couch 24, seven and look at video games or TV, I mean it's not a good match as a no. And this is where I said, you know, this guy I knew wasn't my normal kind of guy, but he appeared to Kia and Dah, Dah, Dah. But, and he did and his own way. But he really wasn't even going to stop doing this. Sitting in front of the TV. Take the biggest TV using your life Italia. Yeah. But do you think also chase it was going back to your last relationship that you wanted to get involved again and also he was different to the last person and some hope for you. You know, it was offering me some security is like financial security and maybe some, so there wasn't, I guess I was probably thinking, is this a good bit? I mean, as you know, is this going to be a good life for me and my daughter? You know, if I haven't had the babies I sort of did that. But in the end of the day I had to take responsibility that I had sort of chosen to marry this quite bold guy and she wasn't all his fault. Exactly. And, um, he had his own, she said he needed to disrupt the fall. You even met him. Yeah, and he was never really gonna work through his issues. I, that in his friends will see sort of[inaudible] reason I asked him, his friend said, well, why don't you just ask them to marry you? I mean, I was so I was really quite, um, at night, bloody ridiculous. And then he said yes, and then he hit the baby by me, the$30,000 engagement. Right. But anyway, I was, it was said to walk away, but I really felt like I needed this life partner that was going to, well, I think doing stuff with me and travel and stuff like that. Right. Doesn't sound, who the hell wants to be married to if you're a gardener and you like, well, I like buying. I like[inaudible], but he didn't like any of these things. But my friend at work has this gorgeous lady, um, who's a social worker. And she said, look, I know this lady Mitt the has been true table for sex. Why don't you join the table? And this is what I did. And the first one I went on, I felt really, I'd felt like[inaudible]. And then the first one, there was just two ladies and this one guy with a mullet in[inaudible]. I'd done[inaudible] ladies who they said they were really fun and they said, Oh, I couldn't handle it if you hit other children or he'd been married before, they were 35 and he wasn't a catch. I'm telling you, he had the mallet guy, mark[inaudible] have the nighttime, why does it full table for six? And he was[inaudible]. The other guys turned out anyway. Oh, I[inaudible] my went, I met my husband, my third husband Jake. He'd been going for two years. I would've thought that was the last person. I'm saying this to you listeners, because I've met Tracy, my third husband, and I'm just saying to you that that surprises me because I would've thought that would be the last time, the last person that would go to them. Well, he thought he'd, he'd spend a little bit of time in Asia and tried the Asian girls and realize they were very expensive. And that's what he told me and he realized it was never going to work cause he wanted to meet someone that would say all the world with them. Not really. He did. That's why he was thinking that it's just a numbers game that he usually meet somebody. I was just talking to somebody the other day, a friend and I can't remember who the hell it was now and I said to her, why don't you go and go to that table for sex? Because I liked the concept of you go to dinner or[inaudible] I think it's, I think it's a great concept, but I mean I'm disappointed that they sit at the table for six and you turn up with two. Well yeah, and then shit through the door and you think you gotta be meeting at Titan six you turn up. Well, I think they just don't know shows. I'm not sure, but I sit there, I go to one in my area. One, it was impassioned by it and also can with someone. I've got things in common with anyway. I don't actually talk to him. But after dinner there was people that were noting and there was, there was some eco, does anyone want to have an ice cream? And I thought, yeah, I'll have an ice cream. And then we started cheating, cheating, cheating and cheating. And, and then the America's cup was on cause he was at, when I said I had my own yard, well that got him a letter that got a lot of points in my own yard because when I was 40 I thought what makes me happy? I thought to myself, I had this middle of crisis. Olivia, my husband, second husband, they wouldn't do anything with me. We Ran Europe, came back and I thought, you know what, I'm going to buy myself a bike. I used to say, oh when I was younger, I love it because your parents took you sailing. Yep. And I spend a lot of time racing and said, well, well crazy ea. But I did, I bought a little raven, did 26 foot yacht and I w my friend taught me how to style it and I'd take my dad out and my daughter who liked it, but I did take it like, yeah, I used to race on a big yacht in on the, in the on Friday nights. Anyway, I just, I announced at the stoner that I had my own yacht. Well that really impressed him because he was a Yachty. Incredible. And he wanted to meet someone that was solid word with him. But anyway, he did say, well we did quite a bit and, but unfortunately, um, you know, some unfortunate things happen like ground and I felt madly in love. He moved into my house after a month. He was the po all by all tents and pimps, a perfect partner. We've got married after we all thought I was nuts. But I'm just saying it's quite interesting that you had such that connection on that level. I didn't realize that, you know, you meet him like that and also the America's cup was on and also the fact that I didn't[inaudible] so we could come around and watch it some nights that crazy. But we, we sort of fell in love on my boat. We went out for a sale and then it was sort of romantic. Honestly. He really just swept me off my feet. But I made some mistakes by getting married a bit too soon. But I was social. He was the one, to be honest, the really do you think it takes to really, I don't know. I thought, I know pianist, he had a, had a tick, um, about a year after we met, we got married in August, 2010 and he hit a heretic and October, 2011, 2011 and he really, his life was going really well for him at that time. Before they had a take, he was working for man as his boat keeper I suppose. And he just married me and we'd just bought a house on. Wow. Okay. And we just put the spray on the boat. What happened to you? He had the heart attack on the coastal Clarissa. He'd only just put the boat. Why did he have a heart attack? I mean did they, um, cause how old was, he was really stressed. He was doing this yacht race on a brand new body, just bought, he was dehydrated and he was trying smoking. I think he was a big smoker, wasn't he? And he was stressed and I was worried about changing it. He'd so, yeah, but I mean[inaudible] very, very strong cigarettes and they, their waking, he was dehydrated and he was stressed and it genetically dead one. So after they, unfortunately I think he has me to have to took a bed tune, but we did a lot of them. I didn't realize that was quite a romantic story. We got married on a top of a mountain cranes town and I don't know, I think they always red flags. They will always with him. But I was so blinded by just meeting this part. And then I was wondering the one that would do things with me or the reflex when you look back now, he wasn't keen on me going to the in the morning. I mean just what the hell? Yeah. Why wouldn't you be? Excuse me. But I saw somebody wanting to go to the gym in the morning. I'd be going, Yay. That's fantastic. He wasn't that keen on it. Why wasn't he get, um, he was worried that something might happen to me. I don't know. He, he had had things happen in his life where his first wife had been raped and he was very, very anxious that I would not be doing anything that was dangerous and he felt going to the job might be a bit dangerous. It's dark. It was dark. Surely siting around[inaudible] he was with me, so, okay, so this sort of jealous, wow. Jealousy kind of thing. But always jealousy. Yes. Chelsea and controlling, but started as a consume for my wealthy back, but really, really interesting. Yeah. It was like, well, I know I wouldn't want anything to happen to you. I wouldn't like it. I wouldn't bet a handler anyway, like I said, he was having a lot of six with me. Yeah. And look what happens when women have a lot of six. As the brain goes out the window and the oxytocin that we were talking about[inaudible] takes over. And who might be endorphins, just rose colored glasses, the rose kind of glasses. As a real fan, it's a hormonal fine. And this is what I say to people, my young, my nieces, I say, you know, when you start having a six with polio, you, Brian is not, you know, that bonding, whom it happens and you really don't think that clearly. And it's hard to be at GE and go, actually, you know what? For me it was hard. Maybe it's not having other people from your heart, but you've also, you've got to live from your hobby. It was incredible to be here. It was the bat. It was just, I guess also to, you know, having two failed marriages. And then I met this year supposedly perfect. Pretty amazing. Yeah. Like he where he loved mountain biking. He loves skiing. He had a yacht. He was, I mean, it was just major. We would, we would jump on my boat, he would just sail off down the Tamica his trail or something and just with sleepover on the bow and go to[inaudible]. Gotcha. And he would make me break first and he'd fuck realized. He re painted my boat for me and, and he, you know, but there was these little flags and shoveling certain, he's got a job in South America and he wanted to get married before he went to South America. And I'm like, oh, why did I go along with it? Like I crusted pipe, go to South America, we don't have to get married. But I, I was honestly a hopeless romantic who wouldn't pay with what you've just told me. I know, I bet. I mean Shankar would've learned my lesson after that. If you look at it compared to the other two guys, he actually presented as a batch. Yeah. Perfect. And I used to say, you're my preferred guy all the time because he'd fix things. So. Nice. So do you think once you were married that, you know, the controlling thing came out more? Well, we used to travel a lot and when things get tough for him he'd say, let's go to Thailand. Darlan so we'd go or we would go, he would sit, he would want to take me away from my friends and my family. But I didn't see it. Like I didn't say I, it wasn't an alarm that was like, oh I love going to Thailand and this guy was quite negative about your friends and family a lot too because sometimes it controlling things. He would, I remember being out with my girlfriend once, we'd moved up north by then and I don't tell him that I was catching up with you for a drink while he was trying to end the relationship and things like that. But I was still mainly in love with them, you see? So I would kind of patch things up and also I wanted to save face. You know, it's is my third marriage. Yeah. And like I'd rushed into it and now it wasn't working out. Yeah. I think, you know what I mean? Not worry about that a lot. Well I think he's, everyone does a little bit die. You want to put a good face onto the world. Like eight years ago, we were talking about that before where we with woman, I was just saying to trace before that I knew somebody and I was what I was talking to them. She sent me an email saying she had gone some way to make the sky and, and I didn't even know that she lived in marriage. I was telling Tracy and then Lo and behold, she stayed like as if I should have known that our year that she lived there and she was married to this, call it for 20 years and, and I just did to trace it. Well I thought from the explanations when she talked to me that it sounded like everything was Hunky Dory. That's probably the same sort of thing that everybody got things happening.[inaudible] isn't it? Yeah. Like people that we know had got married like after six months then you know, like I was really in love with me. I really thought this was real love for me. I just really wasn't like at Tracy. I mean Gosh and I'm sure he was with me back then. He had these insecurities. I think they just started building after he lost his job, the job that gave him that man out also, he got depressed after his[inaudible]. Yeah, I'd heard that. It really, really knocks them around in the mind because they are not invincible and you know, they're in the foot. He was only 47, right? 45 I thought I was saying. Um, and, and it just an unfortunate circumstance. I think they just tapped him more into that inside the depression and the controlling behavior hip and with this insecurity, I couldn't help him. Another fun. I just say he can't always help people. Did you try do it? What did you do? Cause I want to make sure we took his order as opposed to his hat and make, you know, nagged him about taking his pose and into about not smoking needle and about like, it became an unsexy kind of thing. You know, I was his mother and I really loved him and he would say, I don't care. And when did he go and get help? Like did you suggest to them? I got some help for him. Like I called the crisis team one day, but he didn't, wasn't in the mindset where some people have had a text and go, wow, I'm so lucky I survived. 8% of people already. I've seen people survive. It was like real may, woe is me or those are stay. Yeah. Oh my God, thank God I'm grateful to be here. I've got this beautiful wife that loves me. Gosh, we've got this life that we can love. He was just the other side of the glass. Next injury. It was just him. He, he made that choice. It would break my heart from then sort of Mitt. You sort of somewhere along the lines, just just after the heart attack I thought, I think it was just the four of his leg at the beginning, but I didn't know you that well. Would you say it was really downhill from there? It wasn't a need as far as, I didn't realize the sort of how much you were so batched and then at the beginning. So we, we, we, we, we, Mitch like that. But I think that people, when you first meet them, they hate, they put the best face on your answer. That's what I said. I just did it. I should have waited longer to say this guy really who he physios. It doesn't hurt to wait. What was the rash exactly what the rush was always. Yeah. But it's a good thing to tell the audiences. I think just just be really mindful. Like my, my daughter goes, you know what? I wouldn't be marrying my current plan until I'd known him for at least 10 years. It's what she said. So she's moved something from me.[inaudible] something I thought and I, but I don't regret it either because you know, you take a risk on labs. So I've stopped beating myself up about it. I love the fact that you love love and I love the fact that they must be a hopeless romantic. And I love that. I love that about you because I love to say that you are a hopeless romantic and much, you know what? That's really beautiful because there's nothing worse than you see people and look, we've all gone out with tapes of different people and done stuff and blah, blah, blah. But what I love about you is that you're still positive and you still believe in love. I know and I just think, you know what? I very, again, I don't know, I always say me[inaudible] but I don't think I would, but you know what? If I really did it and I'm going to be there, it's because all of these people I've married, I have married quickly, they was dying and so we got married. When you think about it now, it was dumb, but you know, he really did want to place his date. I mean probably rushed in two years, didn't really know him, but there was things wrong. That whole trauma, I had to keep thinking this is the bandaid that's going to fix that. The commitment in the marriage is not going to fix that and commitment isn't a marriage. Let's face it. Look, not everyone's doing the marriage thing these days, but I did. I guess I'm traditional on my parents as married. Two years. Yeah. Got The same problem. Same year. Yeah. We're threading up your receipts and stuff. I just, I do say a few things to my nieces. My niece was saying, look, I don't, the recently she's got this boyfriend that's not that great, but he's very young. He's only just two 19 he doesn't really use any money. He doesn't take her out six all day, you know, she's one that wants to do stuff. Right. I said, she goes, oh, it's not like I'm going to be with them for either. And I said, look, just don't waste too much time with the one that's not the one. And just talk her about their oxytocin and nit and fun, you know, and doing things. Looking after here. Exactly. Self and also do you know, I think at the end of the day to do, you've got to strip things away and say, what am I doing that's positive as a person. I mean, maybe you're not even doing positive things as a person, so maybe you need to look at yourself. I mean, if you with somebody and you are a positive person and you're looking at somebody and they actually aren't really leading a positive life. And I mean like mentally and also the activities you're doing. I mean if you are sitting in front, and this is a huge problem these days, the screens have just overtaken picking slides. Yeah. That's one thing that we did here. We always would talk all the time together and then I started getting on my phone to be honest. Yeah. I kind of started getting disconnected a little bit. Yeah, because you see, the thing was though, I think from what I could gather was that he was shutting you down. So not to talk to other people. He didn't want me to see my family or my curiosity would get really, really upset. But I think the control thing like there, and it's a classic example, you know, when you're in the police and stuff and, and you see, um, you know, abuse, it's that sort of control thing. It all starts from little things about, yeah, just chipping away. Yeah. And I think he thought this is how he is supposed to love me because that's what he thought was going to keep me safe and I don't necessarily think, and I'm not justifying why he was doing it and that was wrong, but that was his way of loving me and it wasn't a healthy way was keeping me really close and safe and, and it would do my hidden, but I think also it wasn't really about keeping you safe. It was more keeping him safe. Yeah. Than security. It's about security and a lot of guys are controlling when there and secure they'll accuse girls of giving, looking at another guy because the other ones that are really insecure, inviting sales, you know, like that's something they've got to deal with because it's not what you're doing. And that's exactly right. Then you start thinking it's you. Exactly. As quite true. It's been heartbreaking to, you know, supposedly laid my soulmate, but it just got so distracted for me that it did become into a destructive relationship and just there was nothing left in my tango saying that to someone today. And yeah, I'd guess given all of myself to this person and I forgotten about myself. So what chase is just seed, which you know we talked about before, was there, she said there's nothing left. You do get to that situation and if you're feeling like there is nothing left in the tank, you go really ever look and we've got to go and do things to fill it out. And usually being with your girlfriends, we'll do some, we'll help fill up a burn. Tell you right now just going and seeing a friend and exactly and telling them how it is. I think people just keep, they don't always share where they're at. You know when you get some good friends, I think they are their life. Jeanie gold. So from now it's, it's over after being married for three times. And you know, I'm just saying this because this is another one that achievement has no[inaudible] but I'm just saying the other thing is just what can you really do? I don't know. Different countries are different, but if they around are things that you can do and you've built up their seats. And I mean if you were to go into a marriage again, would you do something that says, look, this stuff, that's your stuff. We both said old, so both, you know, fluffy or whatever. Let's just go into this for love and for companionship. And if it doesn't work, you go away with your stuff. I go, that's the one thing that's really been had the betrayal. We, I, yes. You know, I've, I was probably in love with him. I trusted him and now he's going for the Jaguar. And he reassured me that he would never go from my essence. But guess what? There's what he's trying to do right now. It's really painful to be honest. Yeah. And so what would you advise people to say with Godless g? A prenup. You've contracting an agreement done. And if they won't sign it and walk away because they're not loving you enough if they won't sign it. Oh that's lovely. Just go babe. Of course it exactly. Cause why wouldn't they f no, I agree. Cause they're taking it. He's taking that away from my, my only child. Yeah, exactly. Well what, I might leave it at my may leave or not to my only child. That's how I see it. And even though, so one last, final, final Tracy moment. One thing, if you could say to people out there that's just sprung into your mind. Well, you know, I just think it's important to be happy, you know, and you don't get a rerun on your day in like some of the Times I had worked, we made joke like we did sell the oceans, we started, I think it's n I treated a good times, but the bed just overlaid, they just got to the point and I'd tried and hang on and try it seven years against. Really? Yeah. I just say just, just remember this is your life. Your love on, yeah. And it's not someone else's life. And that's what I seem to handle. It's like I'm not living this life. I'm not living your life. I'm living my life. And I have a right to see my friends, my family, and if I want to go to Bali with my girlfriend, you should be going, go for it, Babe. Go. And he would go, he not allowed again, it Africa in case you get raped. And he left, he not let her go to ballet with your girlfriends. And there was all these rules and I said, well, I said this is my line and I want to walk with a pat. It's, you know, wants to make me hippie. Yeah. And I want to make him happy so it's not about me, you know, so it shouldn't be, I've got to make him happy all the time. And it sounds really simple, but no, I know. But you know, like don't ever give up on love because there is an, I know you won't because you know you, I love that. I love that about you. I had to get my Mojo back. I know that. But I'm just saying, I think quite often women in me, if they've been through a bad relationship, they give up on love and they don't want to be hurt again. So they don't want to put themselves out there. They don't want to be vulnerable. But you know, you only have got one life and if you don't put yourself out here but just open your eyes. And I just thought it'd be really weird for those red flags now for me. Got My eyes really open and I just don't think I had the mindfulness about that. And if it was, you've got to give people a chance to, but you've got to, yeah. Be Aware of the red flags and have them have you deal breakers and know what they are. Yeah, exactly. Non negotiable on some stuff. Yeah. It's got to be treated well and it also, learning from family and friends is just not, yeah, it's definitely a big red flag and a deal breaker for me now on days. Sure. Along with that, should I say thank you darling. Oh about things. I hope that little bit of wisdom from this would help. We're help some people. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm Louis Roke. Tune in weekly for a dose of your good tonic by subscribing to our podcast. For more information, visit good tonic docker dot INSEAD. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 6:[inaudible].