For Happy People: There's something you want to do and you're waiting to feel brave before you do it. I have to tell you something about that day you're waiting for. It's not coming. It was never going to. I know that's a hard thing to hear. Because I think there's one thing you keep going back to, something you almost do, and then stop yourself. And every time it's the same quiet voice. Right? Not today. Wait until this feels less scary. There's a part of this nobody ever tells you. The fear was never what was in your way, but waiting for it to go away, that's the thing that keeps you stuck right where you are. Welcome to the What's Your Ex? podcast. I'm your host Marilie and I'm so glad you're here. This is the show about who we used to be and how it was all preparation for who we are becoming. This is episode four and today we're We're talking about fear and courage and a story about brave people that most of us believed when we were young, one that's been holding you back ever since. This one is for anyone who's stuck waiting to feel ready, anyone putting off the big move, quitting, starting, speaking up, jumping until the fear comes down first. Anyone who's looked at their own shaking hands and quietly thought, I guess this isn't for me. I'm just not brave. And what I want to hand you today is freedom from the waiting, because the fear isn't going anywhere. Plus a truth that turns the whole thing around. The fear was never what was stopping you in the first place. So there's a story we all picked up about brave people, and I want to fix it right at the start. We think brave people feel nothing. We picture them walking up to the scary thing calm and sure. No knot in the stomach, no shaking hands, no little voice saying But what if you fall on your face? So the second our fear shows up, the real kind, the kind that grubs your chest, would take it as an answer. Proof we're not made for this. A sign to wait until the fear goes away. We decide brave is something other people got to be and we just didn't. But that's backwards. And the moment you really get it. A whole bunch of things you'd crossed off as not for me come right back on the table. So let's put fear on the table and turn it over. Fear shows up anytime you're about to do something that matters and you don't know how it's going to turn out. That's it. That's the whole thing. Something that matters. Plus an ending you can't see. Which means something. Fear isn't a sign you're doing the wrong thing. It's a sign you're close to something that matters to you. Think about your own life. Nobody's heart pounds over what socks to put on. The fear shows up when you're standing at the edge of something big, a change, a risk, a step into the dark. So if your plan is to wait until the fear is gone before you move, you'll be waiting the rest of your life. Because the fear is only there because the thing means so much to you. And this next part is the whole turn. The goal was never to feel no fear. The goal is to feel it and step forward anyway. That's what courage really is, not having no fear, moving with it. Almost every brave thing a person has ever done was done with a pounding heart and shaking hands. The fear showed up and they moved forward with it sitting right there. They didn't wait for it to leave. They brought it along and did the thing anyway. And that's a difference you can close today. Because you can do this just as much as they could. Let me stay here one more minute, because I think we do this in the wrong order and it's exactly what keeps people stuck. We think it goes like this. The fear leaves, then you feel sure, then you go. Feel ready first, act after. But it works the other way. You move first while you're still shaking and the confidence shows up after. Because you actually did it. The brave part comes first, the come comes later, every single time in that order. So every time you tell yourself I'll go once I feel ready, you're waiting for something that only shows up after you've already gone. It's like standing outside a locked door, waiting for a key that's sitting on the table on the other side. The only way to get it is to walk through scared. And none of this is theory to me. I've been through my own version of it. My childhood introduced me to a farm town, then an island, and I grew up somewhere life was hard, in ways I still find hard to put into words. But that island, hard as it was, was the place I knew. It was home, it was safe, in the way that even a hard home can feel safe, just because it's familiar. And at some point I had to admit something to myself. The things I hoped for weren't going to happen and Where I was. They were somewhere else. Which meant if I wanted a shot at them, I'd had to leave the one place I knew and go somewhere I didn't. New places, new cities, eventually all the way to the US. And I want to be honest about how that actually felt. Because it wasn't some brave cinematic moment. I was scared. I second guessed it. I wasn't sure I was making the right call. Honestly, A lot of the time I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. There was no big swell of courage that carried me out the door. There was just a scared person packing her bag, hoping she wasn't making a mistake. But I went, not because I'd stopped being afraid. I hadn't. The fear came with me the whole way. I just decided in the end that the chance was worth being scared for. And I'm not telling you that to make it sound impressive. Plenty of people have done far harder things than me and quietly. I'm telling you because it's the only reason I can say this next part and mean it. The fear never actually went away. I didn't conquer it. I didn't outsmart it. I just stopped letting it be the thing that got the final vote on my own life. I brought it along, scared, unsure, packing my fear right there in my bag, and I went. That's all it was, and it was enough. And I want to be honest with you about something because it would be easy to make all of this sound like a story from my past. Like fear is something I dealt with way back when, and now I'm on the other side of it. Come and sort it out. That's not true. I'm scared right now, today, while I'm making this. Because here's what's actually going on in my life. This podcast, the one you're listening to, scares me. Putting my voice out there week after week Not knowing if anyone's really listening, wondering if it's any good. I'm writing a book and I want to get it published. And that terrifies me. The thought of putting something so personal on a page and letting the whole world have an opinion about it. I'm starting a brand new YouTube channel after stepping away from making videos for a long time. And getting back in front of a camera after a break like that? Honestly, it's scary. And I'm starting a new business at forty six years old. forty six and starting over. If I wanted to, I could list you every reason it's too late, too risky, too much. My brain offers me those reasons for free all day long. But I've decided something. For once in my life I'm going all in on the things that actually matter to me. Not halfway, not someday, not once I feel ready. Because we both know now that day doesn't come all in and Scared and all in at the same time. So when I tell you to move while you're afraid, understand I'm not standing at a finish line waving you on. I'm right there in it with you. Same fear, same shaky hands, same little voice telling me to wait. I'm just not letting it drive anymore, and neither should you. And listen, you don't have to take my word for it. Some of the most successful people alive have said this in their own words. Not polished, raw. Take Warren Buffett, one of the richest, most respected people in the world. You think a man like that was born confident, but talking about his younger years, here's what he actually said. I was terrified of public speaking. You can't believe what I was like if I had to give a talk. I was so terrified that I just couldn't do it. I would throw up. That's his own words. He was so scared of it, he literally arranged his life to avoid it. And then he decided he couldn't let that run him anymore. So he signed up for a speaking course, scared and did it. He speaks in front of tens of thousands of people every year. Or Mel Robbins, and if you're on social media at all, you know her. Huge following, one of the biggest podcasts out there. But here's where she started. At forty one, she was at the lowest point of her life, deep in debt, her marriage falling apart. And she's been honest that some mornings she was so flattened by anxiety she could barely get out of bed. Her whole message came out of that. One idea, you will almost never feel ready to do the hard thing. So you can't wait for the feeling. You just move before your brain talks you out of it. And one more, Simone Biles, the greatest gymnast who's ever lived. Millions of followers, the whole world watching her. And even she says it plainly. When she came back to training after time away, she told her coach, her own words, I haven't run down a vault runway since my Olympic vaults, and I'm terrified. And you know what her coach had her do? Get right back on the vault. She trained anyway, scared. She even said handing the Olympic flag to Tam Cruz in front of the entire world. I was terrified. This is the best on the planet. Still scared, still showing up. You see where I'm getting at? These are the aren't people who felt no fear. These are people who felt it big and moved anyway. The fear didn't disappear for them. It doesn't disappear for anybody. They just stop letting it have the final say. Same choice you and I get to make. So if you've been sitting there thinking the confident people just don't feel what you feel, let that go. They feel it. They move while they're still scared. Same as you have to. The only difference As they move. So let's make this yours. Think of the thing you've been avoiding, the one you keep stepping around because it scares you. You already know the one. Don't make a whole list. Just take the first thing that came up. The jump you keep circling and never make. Always with the same excuse. When I'm ready, when the fear dies down. Have it? Good. Two things we're going to do with it. Step one. Give the fear a new name. Next time that flatter hits your chest, Instead of hearing it as stop danger, you're not ready, try hearing it as two words. This matters. Because that's the honest truth of it. Remember what fear is made of something that matters, an ending you can't see. The fear isn't pointing at the way out. It's pointing at a door to something that matters. Same exact feeling, the opposite directions. Just feel the difference for a second. I'm scared, so step back next to I'm scared, so this must matter. Same pounding heart, same sweaty palms, one of them keeps you stuck to the floor. The other one points you right at what you've been wanting. Step two. Make the leap small enough to take today. Scared. Now the good part. No one's asking you to do the whole scary thing this afternoon. You just take one brave step while the fear is still there. Send the message, make the call, sign up. Say the first line out loud to one person. Because courage gets built the way anything does, one shaky step on top of the last, and each one you take takes a little of the fear of the next. Let me give you a picture because I think it will stick. Picture someone standing at the edge of a cold pool. You know how this goes. If they stand there waiting to feel warm before they get in, they'll be standing there all day. The warmth was never going to come from the edge. It comes from getting in and letting your body catch up. Fear works the same way. You don't wait at the edge until you feel brave. You take the one step in cold, scared, all of it. And that's when you start to adjust. The brave part is in the stepping, never in the standing still. And I'm going to say this one more time because it's the beating heart of the whole episode. You don't wait for the fear to leave and then move. You move and the fear starts to let go because you moved. Move first, come comes second. We've been doing it backwards our whole lives, and that's exactly what keeps us stuck at the edge of that pool. So if this is landing on the right person, hear me. Stop waiting for the fear to go away. That day isn't coming. Not for anything that really matters. The fear is going to show up. And that's not a problem you have to fix. It's just the price of going after something that means something. You're allowed to move with shaking hands. You're allowed to jump with your heart racing. You're allowed to be scared right down to your feet, and do it anyway. And on the day you do, you'll have done the bravest, most human thing there is. And I want to name what the waiting quietly does to you, because it's worse than just tiring. Every time you wait for the fear to pass, you teach yourself that the fear is in charge, that it gets the final say. And the longer you wait, the bigger it grows, and the smaller your world gets, because you keep cutting your life down to only the things that don't scare you. That's not being safe. That's giving yourself away one inch at a time. But every time you move with a fear, every time you go scared, you teach yourself the opposite. That you can be scared and still act, that your hands are the ones on the wheel, and your world gets a little bigger every time you prove it. Whatever your island is, the safe, familiar place you're scared to leave, you can do the same thing I'm trying to do right now, not by beating the fear, by taking it with you. If you take just one thing away from our time together today, let it be this courage isn't the absence of fear. It's stepping forward while the fear is still there. That's the whole thing. This week, pick one thing you've been avoiding because it scares you. And take one brave step toward it before the fear goes away. The fear can come along, it just doesn't get the drive. That's what I've got for you this week. And I mean it. It means a lot that you spent this time with me. So, what's your ex? Before you go, two quick things. First, Go ahead and subscribe so you don't miss an episode. And if any of this landed today, if even one person came to mind, someone who needs to hear it, send this episode to them. And second, I made you something. There's one page action plan for today's episode in the show notes. Ready for you. It's got the main idea plus the two moves we walk through. Rename the fear and take one scared step so you can use them right away on that thing you keep circling. Go grab it and take your one step this week. I'm your host Marilie. Thank you for being here and I'll see you next time.
