For Happy People: Tell me who you are, but you're not allowed to mention your job, your title, or what you do for money. Most people can't get past the first sentence. Let's see if you can. Did you freeze? If you got as far as, well, I'm a and then hit a wall, you're not alone. That wall is what today is about. Because if the only answer you have to who are you is your job, then what happens to you? When the job is gone. Somewhere along the way, a lot of us quietly stopped being a person and started being a title. We don't even notice it happened, but it did. And today I want to help you find all the parts of yourself that have nothing to do with what you do, because there is so much more of you there than you've been giving yourself credit for. Welcome to the What's Your Ex? podcast. I'm your host, Marilie, and I'm so glad you're here. This is the show about who we used to be and how it was all preparation for who we are becoming. This is episode three and today we're talking about what's left of you when a title falls away. Because by the end of our time together, you're going to see that losing a title never meant losing yourself, and you'll know exactly who you are underneath it. So stay with me. This once for anyone whose sense of self is wrapped up in what they do. For the ones who, when they meet someone new, lead with their job because it feels like the most important true thing about them. For anyone who's a little scared of what happens when the role ends, when the kids grow up, when the business changes, when the career closes. Here's what I want to give you the reminder that you are not your title. You never wear. And when a role ends or changes, you don't disappear with it. You finally get to meet the person who was underneath it the whole time. Let's get into it. So here's the thing about titles. They're useful, but they're small. A title describes one slice of you, what you do for money, or what you did for a season. It's a label on the outside of the box. But you are not the label. You're everything inside a box. And that's a whole person with a heart and a history and a way of loving people that no job title could ever capture. The problem is we spend so many years being called by the title. She's the manager, she's the owner, she's the doctor, she's the whatever. We hear it so many times that we start to believe the label is the whole thing. And we forget there's a person in there. A person who existed before the title, a person who will exist after it. And then the title changes, the job ends, the season closes, the business pivots, and suddenly there's this panic Who am I now? As if losing the label meant losing yourself. But here's the truth, and this one hits me. So let me say it plain. You didn't lose yourself, you just Lost the costume. And underneath the costume was you the entire time. The same person who was there before you ever had that title. Still fully here after it's gone. Losing a title doesn't erase you, it reveals you. And I want to talk about why this hits so hard, because I don't think it's shallow and I don't want you to feel silly for feeling it. There's a real reason we cling to titles. A title gives us three things we all crave. It tells us who we are. It tells us we matter. It tells us where we fit. When someone's asked what do you do and you have a clean answer, you feel placed in the world. You belong somewhere. You have a slot. So when the title goes, it's not just a job you're grieving, it's the feeling of knowing exactly where you stand and That's why it can feel like the floor dropped out from under you. That's why people who retire or leave a career or step out of a role they held for decades will tell you they felt invisible afterward. Like they'd lost not just the work, but themselves. But here's what I really want you to understand. You didn't lose yourself. You lost the shorthand. The title was just a quick way of pointing at you. And now that the shorthand is gone, you actually have to look at the whole person. And the whole person is bigger and truer and so much more interesting than any label ever was. And I know this because I'm living it right now. For years, many years, I identified myself with my title, with what I do. If you asked me who I was, I'd have told you my work, my business, my role. That was my answer. That was I thought me. And then I made a pivot in my business and in that pause, in that in between, where the old title didn't quite fit anymore, I came face to face with the exact question I'm asking you today. Who am I without that? And here's what I found. I am Marilee, I'm the girl who grew up with big dreams in a small island with enough persistence to actually make it through. Through challenges, through hard seasons, all the way to this moment. I'm someone with a big heart who carried her family. I'm someone who shows up for the people she loves. I'm someone who cares deeply and loves deeply. None of that is a job title. All of that was there long before any title. And all of it is still here now. The pivot didn't take me away from myself, it handed me back to myself. And I'll be honest with you, it was scary to get there. For a little while in that in-between, I did feel a bit lost because I had gotten so used to introducing myself by what I did. But when I finally sat down and asked, okay, who am I really? The list that came out had nothing to do with any job. It was about who I've been, to the people around me, what I've survived, what I care about. And I realized that list was always the real me. The title was just the part I happened to say out loud. So if you're afraid of what's left when the title is gone, I want you to hear this from someone standing right in that spot. What's left is the realest part of you, and it was there all along. And can I tell you the strangest part? Losing the title didn't make me less. It made me feel more like myself than I had in years. Because when you're wrapped up in a title, you're always performing it a little, meeting the expectations that come with it, being who the role needs you to be, and when that falls away, you get to just be the actual you. No performance, no costume, just the person you are when nobody's assigning you a part to play. That's not a loss, that's a homecoming. So let's turn this toward you. I want you to try something and it's a little uncomfortable, which is exactly how you know it's working. Finish this sentence without using your job, your title, or what you do for money. I am someone who blank. Don't say I'm a doctor. Don't say I'm a manager. Don't say I run a business. Go underneath it. I am someone who notices when people are struggling. I am someone who never gives up on the people I love. I am someone who makes any room a little warmer. I am someone who keeps going when things get hard. That's you. That's the part that no title contains and no ending can take. And I bet that if you really sit with it, you'll find that list is long and that most of the things on it are the things you're actually proudest of. Notice how few of them are job titles. Let me push you a little further, because the first answers that come out are usually the easy ones. Go deeper. Think about the hardest thing you've ever gotten through. Who were you in that moment? Think about how your closest friend would describe you if your job never came up. Think about what people come to you for. Is it your steadiness, your honesty, the way you make them laugh? The way you never flinch when they fall apart? That's identity. That's the stuff that doesn't fit on a business card. And it's the stuff that's actually you. Because here's what happens when you know who you are underneath the label. Ending stop being so terrifying. A job can end, a role can change, a business can pivot. But the person on that list, she goes with you into every single chapter. She's not going anywhere. And I want to give you something to actually do with this, not just feel for a minute and forget. Write your list down, really. Put it somewhere, you'll see it. Because the day a title does end for you, and at some point one will, that panic is going to whisper, you're nothing without this. And you're going to need something to look at that says, in your own handwriting, here is who I am. And not one line of it depended on that title. The title was always temporary. You are the permanent thing. So the next time someone asks what do you do? Go ahead and answer. That's fine. But quietly in your own heart, remember it's the smallest true thing about you. You are not your job. You are not your title. You are not the role you play or the label people know you by. You are the heart underneath all of it. You are everything you've survived, everyone you've loved, every bit of persistence and care and courage that no resume could ever hold. And that person doesn't end when a title does. And think about what this actually frees you to do. If you are not your title, then you are free to change it. You're free to leave the job that's crushing you. Close the chapter that's over. Walk away from the role that stopped fitting, because none of those things were ever the real you. People stay stuck in titles that are quietly killing them, because they think the title is them, and leaving would be a kind of death. But it isn't. You are not the costume. You can take it off, hang up a new one, and still be completely fully yourself underneath. When the label comes off, you don't disappear. You finally get to see yourself clearly, and what a thing to discover that you were never the title. You were always the whole person underneath it. So if you take one thing out of today, just one, let it be this. You are not your title. You're the whole person underneath it. And that person goes with you into every chapter. That's it. Try the sentence this week. I am someone who And finish it without your job. Keep going until the list feels like you. That list is who you are when every title is tripped away, and it is more than enough. That's what I've got for you this week, and I mean it. I'm really glad you spent this time with me. So what's your ex? Before you go, two quick things. First, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if today hit you at all, If you thought of even one person who needs to hear this, share this episode with them. And second, I made you something. There's one page action plan for today's episode waiting for you in the show notes. I'm your host Marilie. Thank you for being here, and I'll see you next time.
