For Happy People: Right now, someone you went to school with is making you feel like a failure. They're not doing it on purpose. They don't even know your name came up. They just posted a photo and something in your chest quietly sank. You know exactly the feeling. I mean, don't you? A new house, a new title, a life that looks like they've got it all figured out. They hit share and they went right on with their day. But you saw it. And that quiet sinking thought showed up. I'm behind. Everyone else is ahead of me. And I'm still back here figuring it out. Welcome to the What's Your Ex? podcast. I'm your host, Marilie, and I'm so glad you're here. This is the show about who we used to be and how it was all preparation for who we are becoming. This is episode two, and today we're talking about that feeling, the one that says you're behind. It's one of the most common feelings I hear about and I think it might be one of the most useless. Not useless because your feelings don't matter. They do. Useless because behind is measuring you against a race you were never actually running. And today I'm not just going to tell you to feel better. I'm going to give you something to do about it. So stay with me. This one's for anyone who feels like they get a late start. Anyone who changed direction and now feels like they're years behind the people who didn't. Anyone who looks around and thinks everyone else got some head start they somehow missed. Here's what I want to give you today a reason that feeling is lying to you, and three real things to do the next time it hits. Not theory, not just think positive. Three moves you can actually use. Let's get into it. So here's the truth underneath I'm behind, and once you see it, you can't unsee it. Behind assumes there's one road, that everyone's on it, and that there's a right spot to be by a certain age. But that's not real. That's a story we picked up somewhere, school probably, where everyone your age was in the same grade, doing the same thing on the same timeline. Think about it, for eighteen years on track with was a real measurable thing. Same age, same grade, same milestones. You always knew exactly where you stood. And then life ended that. The second you walked out of that system, the shared timeline just disappeared. There is no grade twelve for adulthood. There's no you should be here by now that actually applies to everyone. It doesn't exist. We made it up. So the next time you feel behind, I want you to ask yourself three quick questions behind who? On whose road? Measured by what? Because the person you're comparing yourself to, they're not on your road at all. They had different starts, different lucky breaks, different cost you can't even see. A completely different set of chapters. Comparing your progress to theirs is like being upset that you're losing a race when you're not even on the same track. You're not behind them. You're just somewhere else entirely. And here's the part that actually matters. This one hits me. So let me say it plain. The time you think you lost being behind, that was preparation. Those weren't wasted years that put you behind. They were the years that made you ready. You're not late. You're prepared. And honestly, that's very different thing. Often it's A better one. Let me sit on this comparison trap for a second because I think it goes deeper than we admit. When you scroll, you are not seeing anyone's real life. You know that, right? You're seeing the trailer, the highlight, the one good moment they chose to show you. Nobody posed the doubt, the debt, the three AM nights they couldn't sleep, the parts of their life quietly falling apart. So you're comparing your behind the scenes every mess you know about yourself to their carefully chosen highlight reel. That's not a fair fight. It was never a fair fight, and you've been losing it in your own head, on purpose several times a day to people who are just as unsure as you are. So the first thing I want you to do is stop pretending the trailer is the whole movie. It isn't. Not theirs, not yours. And here's one more thing about this word behind because it's sneaky. Behind assumes you already know where you're supposed to end up. Think about that for a second. You can only be behind if there's a fixed finish line and a fixed schedule for reaching it. But most of us have no idea where we're actually headed. The best chapters of our lives are usually the ones we never planned. So How can you be behind on a destination you haven't even chosen yet? You can't. Behind is a feeling borrowed from a life that runs on a schedule somebody else set, and you don't live that life anymore. You live one where the road bends in ways you can't predict, where a late start turns out to be perfect timing, where the detour becomes the whole point. On a road like that, behind doesn't just feel bad, it doesn't even make sense. And I want to be honest with you about why this one's on my mind. Because I'm living it right now. I'm in the middle of a big pivot in my own business. And let me tell you, the behind feeling has been loud lately. That voice saying everyone else has it figured out. Everyone's further along. And here I am, starting something new again. And I had a choice about what to do with that feeling. The easy thing, the thing I think Most of us do is pick up the phone and start scrolling, watch everyone else's highlight reel, compare my messy middle to their finished product, and feel even further behind than when I started. But this time, I did something different. I decided that if I was going to be in a gap anyway, I was going to fill it instead of mourn it. So I got to work. I started this podcast, the one you're listening to right now. And I started writing my first book. None of that came from feeling ahead. All of it came from feeling behind and deciding to put my hands to work instead of putting my eyes on everyone else. And I want to tell you what that actually did. Because this part surprised me. The behind feeling didn't disappear because I caught up to anyone. It got quieter because I got busy. The moment my energy went into building my own thing, I just stopped having the spare attention to measure myself against everyone else's thing. That's the secret nobody tells you. You don't fix behind by getting ahead. You fix it by getting absorbed so deep in your own road that you forget to keep checking everyone else's. So when I tell you what to do with that feeling, I'm not handing you a theory. I'm telling you exactly what I'm doing this week. Okay, so the next time that I'm behind feeling shows up and it will, here are three things to actually do with it. Not just think, do. One, name the race, then quit it. When you feel behind, stop and finish this sentence out loud. I feel behind on blank. Behind on buying a house, behind on my career. Behind on where I thought I'd be by now. Now look at what you just said and ask, whose timeline is that? Almost every time you'll find it's not even yours. It's a number you picked up from somebody else or from a version of your life you imagined when you were 22 and didn't know anything yet. You are allowed to put it down. You are allowed to say, that was never my race, and put it right there on the spot. Two. Look backward before you look sideways. The behind feeling always comes from looking sideways at other people. So I want you to deliberately look backward instead at yourself. Ask, where was I one year ago? Five years ago? Not compared to anyone else, compared to you. And you will almost always find you've come so much further than you realized. Because you've been so busy watching everyone else you forgot to check your own distance traveled. That's the only comparison that's actually true. You then versus you now. 3. Pick the next right step. Just one. Behind makes you feel like you have to catch up to some faraway point all at once. And that feeling is so overwhelming, it usually just freezes you completely. So shrink it. Forget the whole staircase. What's the one next step? One email? One phone call? One small thing you could do this week that moves you an inch? Because momentum doesn't come from catching up. It comes from taking the next step and then the next one. You don't beat behind by sprinting. You beat it by moving steadily in your own direction. Let me give you a picture of how this plays out, because I think it will click. Imagine two people who both want to change careers, same age, same starting point, same fear that they're too late. The first one spends six months researching, comparing themselves to people who already made the leap, reading every success story and feeling worse each time, waiting to feel ready, waiting to not feel behind. Six months later, they're in the exact same spot, just more discouraged. The second one picks up one step, sends one email, has one conversation, takes one small class, they still feel behind, but they do the next small thing anyway. Six months later, they're not in the same spot at all. They've moved, not because they felt ready, because they kept taking the next step while feeling behind. Same starting line, same fear, completely different outcome. And the only difference was that one of them stopped measuring and started moving. You get to be the second one starting this week. I want to say one more thing to whoever needs to hear it. The people you think are ahead of you, they are not living your life. Not your chapters, not your lessons, not your particular set of things survived. They cannot be ahead of you on a road that only you are walking. You didn't fall behind, you took a path and That gave you things a straight line never could have. And the fact that it looks different from everyone else's isn't a sign that you're late. It's a sign that it's yours. And here's the quiet cost of the behind story. The real reason I want you to drop it for good. When you believe you're behind, you rush. You make decisions out of panic instead of clarity. You grab the wrong job, the wrong path, the wrong next thing just to feel like you caught up. So behind doesn't just make you feel bad, it makes you choose badly. But when you know you're on your own road at your own pace with your own preparation, you slow down enough to choose well. You stop lunging at whatever looks like catching up, and you start walking toward what's actually yours. So stop trying to catch up to people who aren't even going where you're going. Turn around. See how far you've actually come and take the next step. That's the whole game. So if you take one thing out of today, just one, let it be this. You're not behind. You're on your own road. Compare yourself to who you were, not to who they are. That's it. Try it this week. The next time I'm behind shows up, name the race, look backward at your own progress, and pick one next step. I promise, that feeling shrinks fast when you stop feeding it other people's timelines. That's what I've got for you this week and I mean it. I'm really glad you spent this time with me. So What's Your Ex? Before you go, two things. First, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if today hit you at all, if you thought of even one person who needs to hear this, share this episode with them. And second, I made you something. There's one page action plan for today's episode waiting for you in the show notes. I'm your host Marilie, thank you for being here and I'll see you next time.
